tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS January 13, 2016 11:35pm-12:38am PST
tomorrow morning at 4-30. late show with stephen colbert is next. have a good night. >> stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen! thank you! thank you! wow! ooo! thank you very much, thank you. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: thank you very much. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen!
( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you very much. that's nice. i can use that. thank you, thank you very much. that is-- that is better than a midwinter flu shot. thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to "the late show." i'm stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) if you check your calendars, the presidential election is now nine months away, which explains why we're all experiencing morning sickness, i think. ( laughter ) but we've already had the most important vote of 2016, in my opinion. on monday, a small town in upstate new york asked its citizens to decide whether or not they should keep their official seal. it seems like someone from outside of the town had called the town seal racist.
but that term gets thrown around very casually these days. so let's take a look for ourselves: okay, that looks like a white guy strangling an indian. but is he really-- is he real ry a white guy? jimmy, let's zoom in. yeah, he's pretty white. i believe that is sherwin williams caucasian number 54. let's not over-react. it's not like he symbolically stands for all white guys. what's the name of the guy being depicted on the seal? white. okay, still, that's a pretty common name. it's a very common name. that's not necessarily referring to the hue of his skin. what's his first name? hugh. ( laughter ) all right. all right. but what's the context here? let's look at the big picture. i mean, it's not like it's the official seal of whitesville or whitesylvania or something.
what's the town name? that's a pretty white name. >> jon: unbelievable. >> stephen: that is the whitest name for a town next to pleated khakis, wyoming. maybe it has nothing to do with anything bad happening to indians. >> according to the town, the seal actually shows a friendly wrestling match. they say the founder won the match along with the respect and the goodwill of the oneidas. >> stephen: see? it's just a friendly strangling. the kind that leads to respect and goodwill. you know what? you know what-- i didn't think of this before? maybe we're misinterpreting it. who are we to judge what two consenting men do on a town seal? maybe hugh white and his shirtless native companion were
into sensual role-play. i mean, i'm sure the indian had a safe word. i'm guessing something like, "please take all my land." >> jon: whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! >> stephen: by the way-- >> stephen: whoa! >> stephen: i forgot to tell you the headline here it's town voted to keep it. i almost left that out of story. so it has a happy ending in that i probably get to make some more jokes about this in the future. and minutes from now, we've got a great show for you. ( cheers and applause ) my first guest is the fantastic actor paul giamatti. ( cheers and applause ) isn't he great? everybody loves paul. everybody loves paul giamatti, man. in his new show "billions," he plays a federal prosecutor who goes after wall street.
so, great, a fantasy. maybe there are some dragons or something. then i will be talking to the guerilla girls, a group of activist women in gorilla masks who fight for gender equality in the art world. and somewhere, somewhere. ( cheers and applause ) yeah. somewhere, i like to think there's a group of gorillas in girl masks just throwing poop at each other. ( laughter ) then i'll be talking with two-time world champion bull rider j.b. mauney. he's going to be right here riding a bull, and he's going to teach me how to ride a mechanical bull, and i'm already ready. i already mastered the horsey outside the supermarket. ♪ ♪ oh, that musical sound that you hear with the music holes, that's jon batiste and stay human. say hi to the band, everybody. ( cheers and applause )
♪ ♪ we're about to start the show, but before we do, one more thing: chrysler unveiled the new pacifica in what they say is part of their effort to make minivans cool again. i guess i missed it the first time. >> tonight, stephen welcomes. paul giamatti. art activists guerilla girls. and professional bull rider j.b. mauney. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"!
( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you, jon. thank you, sir. >> jon: thank you! >> stephen: thank you, giant cowboy. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you. ( cheers and applause ) thank you, mr. band leader, thank you members of my audience, my fellow late-night americans. yesterday, president barack obama delivered his final state of the union speech. everybody was there. the only person who was not there was a very relieved john boehner who was at home watching a "property brothers" marathon. i imagine is what i would do. i would do that.
obama's words were confident and aspirational harkening back to the optimism that defined his 2008 presidential campaign. he continually returned to the theme of hope-ing you noticed that he did stuff. >> let me start with the economy and a basic fact. the united states of america right now has the strongest most durable economy in the world. our auto industry just had its best year ever. nearly 900,000 new jobs in the past six years. gas under two bucks a gallon ain't bad, either. iran has rolled back its nuclear program. if you doubt america's commitment-- or mine-- to see that justice is done, just ask osama bin laden. >> stephen: what?! oh, no, he didn't! ( cheers and applause )
put them on the table, all in. the auto industry! gas prices! iran! bin laden! not bad. of course, he didn't close gitmo or convince zayn to stay in one direction. come back, big z! we need you! of course, obama chalked up the successes of his two terms not just to himself, but to the spirit that resides in all great americans. >> america is thomas edison and the wright brothers, george washington carver, grace hopper, katherine johnson, sally ride. >> stephen: heavy metal suicide. ♪ we didn't start the fire i got a little misty. ♪ and his speech was listee the point is-- it's a good song-- point is, the president saw inspirational figures everywhere. >> america is every immigrant
and entrepreneur from boston to austin. >> stephen: yes, boston to austin... greenbay to santa fe... alaska to nebraska... ♪ we didn't start the fire ( applause ) can't get it out of your head. you cannot get it out of your head. ( laughter ) here's the thing-- america was great and is great. but the twist is, it will also be great. >> i want to focus on our future, the future we want. a rising standard of living and a sustainable, peaceful planet for our kids-- all that is within our reach. but it will only happen if we work together. it will only happen if we can have rational, constructive debates. >> stephen: the future will be missed. ( laughter ) ( applause ) jim, let's have a fond look back on what will never happen now.
( applause ) >> stephen: but, of course, it wasn't just obama's big night. all eyes were on the new speaker of the house and guy at the gym grunting so loud you can hear it through your earbuds, paul ryan. this was his first time behind the president, and he was determined to get it right. ryan even told c.n.n. he was practicing his poker face. , of course, ryan had a tough job. when you're the speaker in the party opposing the president, be you republican or be you democrat, you have a duty not to react favorably to anything the president said. ryan had to appear simultaneously engaged and enraged.
i give him credit he delivered a truly en-graijing performance. look at all the things he didn't applaud. >> we've got to make it easier to vote, not harder. we need to modernize it. fixing a broken immigration system. ( applause ) protecting our kids from gun violence. ( applause ) equal pay for equal work. ( applause ) we reformed our health care system and reinvented our energy sector. ( applause ) that's how we delivered more care and benefits to our troops coming home and our veterans. ( applause ) >> stephen: look at that discipline! he didn't even applaud for the troops! that's like booing apple pie or not crying during "field of dreams." ( laughter ) he plays catch with his dad!
the point is, paul ryan is the master. let's see if i could get him to applaud. jim? here we go. saving puppies from a burning bus! ( laughter ) a guy in a wheelchair makes a half-court basketball shot! ( laughter ) an elderly cat finds a forever home! america adds a second christmas! he is a tough nut. oh, i know-- the first time we see the millenium falcon in the new "star wars"! ( cheers and applause ) yeah, that one gets everybody right here. of course, it was really obama's night, and in his last state of the union, the president returned to the unifying theme of all his speeches: very long
pauses. anyone who watches him knows he tends to take breaks between words... for empha... sis. ( cheers and applause ) and while last night was no exception, the networks did something i've never seen before-- they sold ad time during his pauses. >> we the people. >> draftkings. daily fantasy sports jackpots! play free with promo code "state of the union"! >> our constitution begins with those three simple words. >> hotel transylvania 2, now available on blu-ray! >> words we've come to recognize mean all the people, not just some. >> farmersonly.com! >> words that insist we rise and fall together. >> speedstick deodorant >> stephen: and while the president used his final state of the union to crow about how
he did things his way, he also admitted that regrets, he had a few. >> it's one of the few regrets of my presidency, that the rancor and suspicion between the parties has gotten worse instead of better. i have no doubt, a president with the gifts of lincoln or roosevelt might have better bridged the divide. >> stephen: maybe he's not a lincoln or a roosevelt, but the president did try to rally the american people to come together and face what many see as an existential threat to our nation-- donald trump. >> we need to reject any politics, any politics that targets people because of race or religion. when politicians insult muslims, it doesn't make us safer. that's not telling it like it is. it's just wrong. it diminishes us in the eyes of the world.
( applause ) >> stephen: now, he didn't mention the republican frontrunner by name-- because if you say it three times, he appears behind you and demands your birth certificate. ( laughter ) ( applause ) and here's the thing-- the president wasn't the only one calling for america to build a wall around donald trump. so was the republican party's official designated response speaker, south carolina governor and crest whitestrips after photo nikki haley. >> during anxious times, it can be tempting to follow the siren call of the angriest voices. we must resist that temptation. some people think that you have to be the loudest voice in the room. >> stephen: the thing is that by showing up in both of these speeches, by turning the state of the union night into the state of the trump, donald proved he's the loudest voice in the room, even when he's not in the room. and with both parties using their platform to go after this man's policies, last night donald trump did something obama
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my first guest tonight starred in "sideways," "cinderella man," "american splendor," and "john adams." he now plays a u.s. attorney hell-bent on prosecuting a wealthy hedge fund manager for insider trading on showtime's "billions." >> max is a folk mereo in this town. the guy gave the new york city firefighters foundation $100 million last year. police gave him a plaque at ground zero with his name on it. >> spitzer name was on all the highway signs, too. signs come down. >> that's why i love you, man. but a good matador doesn't try to kill a fresh bull. you wait until he's been stuck a few times. we need an opening, however
small. if we get the guy the moment that he's gettable, just like the others, but not if there's a chance we lose. >> stephen: please welcome paul giamatti. ( cheers and applause ) >> holy cow! my goodness! it's glorious in here. >> stephen: thank you for being here. >> yes, my pleasure. >> stephen: thank you for bringing your reading glazes. >> i know. >> stephen: are we going to go over a contract together? >> yes, we will, later on. i'm just going to rest them there. could i try them? >> please, absolutely. oh! holy cow! >> stephen: i gotta tell you, i suspect these look pretty good, but you're so blind, i cannot-- i don't recognize-- you really can't see that well. >> i really can't see very well. >> stephen: are you-- but do you have spatial awareness of things around you?
>> no, i'm like a ninja. absolutely. >> stephen: really? >> oh, at all times. >> stephen: because you have been accused of not having spatial awareness and i want to clear the air right here. >> really. >> stephen: i had matthew broderick on last week. >> i understand. >> stephen: and he was accused of man-spreading on the subway, and a photo apeeferred online in march. this is accusing you of man spreading on the subway. >> that's amazing. >> stephen: do you cop to the guilty plea for man spreading. >> i was man spreading. indeed, i was spread. there's no question about it. look at that. >> stephen: you are a man. >> an impressive spread, and i am a man. the car was nearly empty. i'm not kidding. >> stephen: sadly, there is no proof in the photograph. >> no, no,. >> stephen: there's no one next to you because they can't sit there because you're man spreading. >> there's no reflection of anybody in the mirror-- window. >> stephen: wait a second! don't pull that "n.c.i.s." stuff on me. zoom in on the window, enhance! >> but you can't see anybody! >> stephen: i'm sorry, we're
going to have to take your word for cant. >> there was nobody near me. >> stephen: this is not a book the etiquette by any chance? >> no, i don't know what i was reading. >> stephen: you know what, i do believe you? >> thank you. >> stephen: people like paul giamatti. because you seem like an average guy. ( cheers and applause ) and you seem like a very average, relatable guy. i loved you "john adams" for which you won the emmy. >> thank you. >> stephen: did john adams seem like a kind of guy you could get to know? >> i don't know. he's a pretty angry guy. >> stephen: really? >> sees he's a difficult, spiky, abrasive guy. i have to play a lot of guys like that. >> stephen: you do. >> i don't know why. ( laughter ) what the hell is that all about! >> stephen: that is why? that is why. still, adams seems more relatable than someone like jefferson. >> for sure. >> stephen: jefferson is like-- i'm not going to go to monticello. might get-- you know, might get freaky while there. >> totally.
>> >> stephen: i'm not into that scene. >> the weird inventions. >> stephen: and in this show "billions," you play a federal prosecutor-- >> very relatable people. >> stephen: what's his name? >> chuck roads. >> stephen: chuck roads? >> chuck roads. sounds like an ice cream flavor. >> stephen: it does. chuck roads. that's his name. >> stephen: but what you can relate to what, a lot of people can relate to is wanting to stick to a billionaire. >> yes. >> stephen: especially after the financial collapse of 2008, we're all kind of suspicious of billionaires, right? >> yes. >> stephen: at least wall street billionaires? >> yes. i mean, for sure, but the crooked ones are the problem. i mean, i don't know-- i-- it's a question of whether money is evil to begin with. but, i mean, having it i don't think -- >> it's just the root of all evil. it's not evil itself. >> that's right. it's simply the cause. >> stephen: some of my best friends are billionaires. >> is that right. >> stephen: i call them my best friends. they don't know it yet. we had damien on last week and i pointed out everyone in america works for, like, one of 12
billionaires. >> that's true, pretty much. >> stephen: are you the hero of this, or is the billionaire the hero of this? >> i would think the show is kind of unsparing of both sides. >> stephen: really? >> yeah. and i like to think i'm the hero. i don't know whether i'm actually all that heroic in it. but, you know, ultimately, the other guy is breaking the law. it's not like anybody in the federal government has ever broken any laws. >> stephen: uh-huh... ( laughter ) one interesting thing about whether or not you're a good guy or a bad guy is that i like to be prepared when i meet my guests. i like to know something about the project they're doing. >> okay. >> stephen: i like you, i like damien. i like the whole idea. so over the christmas break i was sitting around with my wife and kids and i said, "let's watch "billions"." so i put it in the little machine, and the very opening scene is you, like, hogtied with a ball gag and a dominatrix. her foot your chest. >> she puts out a cigarette -- >> i didn't get that far. >> really?
>> stephen: let's go get some ice cream, kids. let's go outside. or fight with machetes. anything other than watch the rest of this. >> i'm sorry to hear that. >> stephen: really? >> yes. you missed a teachable moment with your family there. you missed a very. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: kids-- >> you missed a teachable -- >> kids, it's-- >> it's very important. >> stephen: kids, have a safe word. have a safe word. perhaps "take all my land." >> that's a handy one. >> stephen: safe word to have. >> very good. >> stephen: i just said he's just trying to eat a very tough apple. ( laughter ) roughage is so important. >> absolutely! >> stephen: so your character has a dark side. >> he has an alternative side. i don't know that it's dark necessarily. >> stephen: having a cigarette put out on your chest isn't dark? >> not to some people. i was actually very excited to do it. not excited to do it. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: how deeply.
( cheers and applause ) how deeply did you get into character? >> i was-- i was game. let's say i was game. >> stephen: sure, sure. >> no, it was really interesting. they brought in a special guy to -- >> i would hope so. >> yes, they did. to tie me up. i never saw this guy on the set again, just this one time. and he was really trussing me up, and he was dead serious about it. he was really like, "they gotta go two times around the back of the thigh and the buttocks." and i was like, "who the hell is this guy?" and they got me genuinely trussed up. it was one of those things, the more you move the tighter is gets. it was one of those things. and it was extraordinary because my reaction to it was really surprising. i fell asleep. ( laughter ) >> stephen: that is not what i expected you to say. >> i had a warm washing feeling go over me. and i just dropped off-- i just... they had to keep-- they had to keep waking me up between takes. "hey, buddy. hey, hey, we're going to shoot,
buddy." >> stephen: she's putting a cigarette out on your chest. it's rude not to pay taingz. >> it was crazy. it was the weirdest reaction. i didn't expect that. >> stephen: no, i didn't either. so-- and what episode are we on right now in "billions"? >> we're done with it. >> stephen: are we done? >> i'm done. >> stephen: on tv, we don't know yet. >> it hasn't even started yet. >> stephen: oh, you sent me a copy. ( laughter ) ( applause ) i'm sorry. i forgot. i'm in show business! >> well, that's right. that was a really weird time slip. >> stephen: i have a cold i want to thank you for being here. welcome to the lifestyle. >> okay. >> stephen: and call a brother up next time. it's better than sleeping pills it sounds like. >> absolutely. no question about it. >> stephen: a pleasure, paul giamatti, lovely to see you again. "billions" premieres on showtime this sunday at 10 p.m. it's got-- paul giamatti, everybody. we'll be right back.
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. now, everyone is talking about last night's state of the union where obama stood before america and laid out his vision for how the world should be. but he's not the only one with a platform to change the world. as a late-night talk show host, i wield tremendous power. not to brag, but i get 15% off everything at the cbs gift shop. yes, even "big bang theory" belts. it's everything you love about the show, in belt form! ( laughter ) but even my awesome power pales in comparison to the great despots of history:
genghis khan. muammar qaddafi. ashton kutcher. ( laughter ) bow down before his boyish charm, lest his henchmen drag you out to the punking fields. these merciless tyrants have but two things in common: one, demanding total obedience. and, two, a big furry hat! ( applause ) ( cheers and applause ) now that this hat is upon my head, i am endowed with unquestionable power! this is due to my hat's two main attributes: its bigness and its furriness.
request and all prochandlations i make while wearing the hat-- i did not make a mistake just now! are now and forever law. let us begin. ( cheers and applause ) henceforth, if someone rejects you on tinder, they must write a three-page essay about what makes them so damn special. ( laughter ) ( applause ) from now on, any telemarketer who calls you during dinner must stay on the phone and listen to you eat. ( applause ) people who brew beer in their homes may no longer call it beer. they must call their product "sour foamy bucket drink." ( laughter ) ( applause ) if your carry-on luggage is too big to fit in the overhead
compartment, you will be placed under the seat in front of you. ( laughter ) ( applause ) henceforth, there shall be no more scenes after the credits. if it wasn't good enough to be in the movie, it's not good enough for me to wait around for. ( applause ) i don't care what thor is doing next. ( laughter ) one day a year, mcdonalds must serve authentic scottish cuisine. ( applause ) sbarros and arby's will be combined into one restaurant, known as s'barbys. henceforth, 50 is the new 40. 60 is the new 50. 70 is the new 60. and dead is the new 80.
( laughter ) ( applause ) the extra day in every leap year must be spent leaping. math is too hard. from now on, the answer is seven. ( cheers and applause ) henceforth, two wrongs do make a right, three wrongs make a left, and ten wrongs get you a free sub. ( applause ) anyone using the phrase "awesome sauce" will be pureed. ( laughter ) ( applause ) the hat has spoken! we'll be right back with the guerrilla girls. ) woman: i'll never remember all the projects, presentations,
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no way. savor an egg mcmuffin any time you like. a fresh cracked egg, canadian bacon and an english muffin with real butter. mcdonald's all day breakfast menu. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, once again to "the late show"." my next guests are a group of anonymous, feminist art activists. please welcome the guerrilla girls, everybody. ( applause ) thank you all for being here. i feel terrible. i don't have any candy left. ( laughter ) who are you and how long have you been doing what you do? what are the guerilla girls? >> we're the guerilla girls. in 1985, we were baby artists -- some of us were baby artists.
and we looked around and we saw that all the opportunities and almost all the money in the art world was going to white males. and no one really cared about it, so we decided we would put up some provocative posters on the street and get people to talk about them. >> stephen: here is one of them right here. do women have to be naked to get into the met museum? it said only 5% of the exhibition-- ( applause ) it says that only 5% of the artists in the modern art sections are women but 85% of the news are female. why i important to protest to gt more women into an art museum? why choose art as a place for feminism, when i go to an art museum, i-- i don't know a lot about art, but i know what's in the museum. and i don't necessarily know whether the person painting is a male or a female. can art speak for itself, or does it have to be gender identified? >> well, i mean, every decision, aesthetic decision, has a value behind it.
and if all the decisions are being made by the same people, then, you know, the art will never look like the whole of our culture. and right now, the art world is kind of run by, you know, billionaire art collectors who buy art that appeal to their values. and we say art should look like the rest of our culture, you know, unless all the voices of our culture are in the history of art, it's not really history of art. it's a history of power. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: you've been doing this-- you've been doing this for 30 years now. and i imagine it's getting fairly steamy in those masks at this point. ( laughter ) why did you choose gorilla? is it because-- is it dehumanizing or because they're scary? >> well, first, we were freedom fighter gorillas, and then we got some press requests and we wanted to have our pictures but
we were anonymous. we wanted to hide ourselves. so one of our early members was a really bad speller, and we were sitting at a meeting one day, and she spelled getty gorilla. >> stephen: so originally it was guerilla like guerilla fighter, and she misspelled it like the animal, and you went with it? >> well, it was a message from heaven. >> stephen: have you guys ever been found out? >> that's a rel good question. >> stephen: thank you. >> people have tried to find out who we are, but this whole anonymity thing is so delicious, and it's weird in one way because you don't know who we are, but it attracts attention to our cause. so while people do try to find out, they're almost always wrong. >> stephen: it's been said that history is written by the winners. and history has been described as a record of violence.
is the art world also a record of violence in and of itself? >> yes. >> stephen: okay. how so? ( laughter ) it's my metaphor, but explain it to me. ( laughter ). >> for years, kings and queens told us what art was all about. we don't live -- >> pictures of them. it was pictures of them a lot. >> mostly, yes. so now, you know, we aspire to, you know, a demdemocratic society, and art should be about the culture, all of us. it should be about art production. right? >> stephen: in 1985, the guggenheim had zero solo shows by women artists. the metropolitan had zero. the whitney had zero. and the modern had one. okay. 30 years later, the guggenheim had one, the metropolitan had one, the whitney had one, and the modern had two. >> yeah. and that's the progress we've made in 30 years.
>> stephen: 30 years. >> and that's the whole problem because i think a lot of people thought that it was an issue in the 70s and the 80s and then it got solved, but it hasn't. we're still seeing such terrible numbers, which is why, sadly, we need to keep doing this. >> stephen: is the art world, like, more important than other aspects of-- for feminism, or is it merely your focus? there are other things you could protest. you could protest women there is not a lot of representation in congress. there is not a lot of representation in the tech world, in the matador world. ( laughter ) on late night tv. >> yes, yes! >> stephen: there's not a lot. why choose art? >> well, we were artists-- we are artists. so we started out in the art world. but very quickly, what we did was invent this way of using facts and humor to twist an issue around and present it in a different way that might change people's minds. so we have spread out to politics, film. >> stephen: a lot of the art
museums are supported by billionaire donors. do they make the call of what goes into the museums? >> okay, today, more and more, billionaire collectors and billionaire art dealers, a few of them control the art world. they sit on the boards of museums, and they have to pay for what the museums want to collect. and they're much more likely to give money for art that they already have. and most of them have the same cookie cutter collections of art that costs the most. there are so many great artists out there. there's too much discrimination. ( applause ). >> stephen: well, the guerilla girls are taking over the twin cities starting january 18. the guerilla girls, everybody. thank you so much for being here. ( cheers and applause ) to do . so we flew in mastermind george smoot to help him.
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>> you're good! you're good! ultimately, only history will tell where j.b. falls amongst the great, but you have to be great to do something like that. he looked so happy to be off that bull. please welcome j.b. mauney. thanks for being here. >> thanks for having me. >> stephen: now, i have to wear a cup to even watch that. ( laughter ) all right. let me ask you something-- when you get on the bull, do you know what kind of ride you're in for still in the chute? >> sometimes. some don't stand very good at all. >> stephen: now, is it by the bull's reputation? is there a bull every year on the circuit where you go, "i don't want to get on that bull." or, "i really want to get on that bull." >> i want to get on all of them. some guys might be scared of them, but some stand a little better in the chute than others.
>> stephen: how did this sport start? did somebody just look at a mad, wild animal and said, "hey, you know what would be fun? watching you get on it?" ( laughter ). >> i've always wondered who come up with the idea of wanting to ride a bull in the first place. i'm not really sure, but i'm glad he did. >> stephen: now, you are the biggest cash winning western sports athlete of all time. you won almost $7 million last year. ( cheers and applause ) what did-- what-- what did the bull win? >> nothing. ( laughter ). >> stephen: do they get to go out to stud? >> yeah. the really good ones -- >> do you go out to stud? >> depends on what night it is. >> stephen: now, okay, how long is the average ride? >> eight seconds. >> stephen: eight seconds! so what do you do with the rest of your day? ( laughter ). >> hopefully if it goes good, whatever i want to do? >> now how do you train for this? >> i got on practice bulls every day when i was younger. >> stephen: really?
like behind us here we have a mechanical bull, like a mechanical bull or a real bull bull. >> real. had a pasture right beside my house, and every day i'd get on five or six bulls a day. >> stephen: what was in the bronx. when was your house? >> in north carolina. >> stephen: can i ask about roping the calfs and stuff like that? why do you have to keep roping the calfs? why don't you put them some place where they kane get out? why don't you get one of those invisible fences. >> i have no idea. >> stephen: could you show us how it's done? >> i guess i could try. >> stephen: he's going to give us a little taste right here, ladies and gentlemen. ( applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: when it's in the rodeo, do they speed up the
footage? why is this-- oh, i see. oh, it's getting serious. all right, there we go. there we go. here we are! that's it! get it! ( cheers and applause ) wow. just think-- just think how many ski ball tickets he just won at a chuck e. cheese. j.b. mauney. ladies and gentlemen. the "p.b.r. monster energy buck-off" is at madison square garden, january 15-17. we'll be right back. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
>> stephen: that's it for "the late show!" tune in tomorrow, when my guests will be actor oliva munn, actor t.j. miller, and a m captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by ♪ what i really ♪ don't tell me what you want what you really really want ♪ i'll tell you what you want, what you really, really, ral ♪ don't tell me what you want, what you really, really want ♪