tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS January 12, 2017 11:35pm-12:38am PST
morning at 4:30. we'll have all the news you need to start your day. have a good night! >> it should not be hard to say that vladimir putin's military has conducted war crimes in aleppo because it is never acceptable you would agree for a military to specifically target civilians which is what's happened through the russian military and i find it discouraging your ability -- >> marco, marco, i'll take it from here. mr. tillerson, thank you so much for being here today, sir. >> thank you for your time and look forward to your questions. >> stephen: sir has anyone ever told you you have the rich, buttery texan voice that makes you sound like a wealthy car dealership owner with a heart of gold at secretly saves the town football team? >> yes, sir. >> stephen: a total layup -- given what vladimir putin has done in chechnya, syria and the
ukraine, let me ask you this simple question, is vladimir putin a war criminal? >> i would not use that term. >> stephen: all right. then what term would you use, sir? take a look at this picture. would you use the term shaved vampire? how about the term that painting from ghostbusters two but with man? >> ip not in a position to be able to make that determination. >> stephen: fine. let's move on. mr. tillerson, do you believe vladimir putin is responsible for ordering the murder of countless dissidents, journalists and political opponents. >> i do not have sufficient information to make that claim. >> stephen: let me see if i can inform you. take a look at this picture. it's of vladimir putin wearing an apron that says kiss the war criminal. >> i would certainly want to examine all four corners of that. >> stephen: all right, fair enough. let's take a look down here. oh, in this corner he's barbecuing the arm of a journalist. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert" with stephen colbert!
tonight stephen welcomes tom selleck! craig robinson! and musical guest asap mob, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and, now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's teefn teefn! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: hey, everybody! thank you very much! what's up, folks? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: oh, my goodness! welcome to "the late show"! i'm stephen colbert. i'm so happy to be here and i will pinky swear on that, absolutely. ( laughter ) >> jon: there it is. there it is. >> stephen: now, for those of you who weren't paying attention, in one week, we'll
have a new president. ( audience reacts ) in between time -- still got a week. still got a week. in the meantime, president obama is wrapping things up at the white house -- you know, cleaning out his desk, handing over the keys, spake ling over the holes in the office wall so he can get the security deposit back, squeeze a little toothpaste in there. it's also time for goodbyes, so the president had a reception to say thank you to vice president joe biden and reward him for his service. >> but i just want to get some folks together to pay tribute to somebody who's not only been by my side for the duration of this amazing journey, but somebody who has devoted his entire professional life to service to this country. for the final time as president, i am pleased to award our nation's highest civilian honor, the presidential medal of freedom. ( cheers and applause )
the best vice president america's ever had, mr. joe biden. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: the best vice president america has ever had! ( cheers and applause ) the best! the best! okay? the best. in your face, franklin pierce's vp william rufus. ( laughter ) did you guys see any of the show last night? ( cheers and applause ) because if you watched the news also, there is a story going around causing a lot of strong feelings on both sides. here's the deal -- there's these allegations that russia has compromising information on donald trump, and for reasons i can't explain, some are calling it "golden gate."
( laughter ) >> jon: wow... wow... >> stephen: you can say that again. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: whoa. >> stephen: it's all based on 35 pages of oppo research that was put together by a british m.i.-6 agent. yesterday, we didn't know his name, and now we know his name is... steele... christopher steele. so a brit spy named steele? is he remington steele's cousin? i'm not sure. i guess secret agent colt megaslam was on another assignment? was superspy rand manly not around? that's a really on-the-nose name for a british agent. actually, it sounds more a gay porn name. because it is. meet chris steele, gay porn actor. ( laughter ) i gotta say, it is great to see
rob riggle getting some work. good for you, man. apparently, during the primaries, the non-porn star christopher steele was initially hired by jeb bush. jeb bush, actually, a pretty good straight porn name. as part of the opposition research he was doing, steele got wind of trump business ties to russia as well as personal blackmail material, or as the russians call it "kompromat." it comes from the russian words "kompro" meaning "we" and "mat" meaning "videotaped you with hookers." i think that's the translation. >> jon: something like that. >> stephen: i don't speak fluent russian but it's something like that. steele passed this onto intelligence officials, it leaked, and now christopher steele is on the run.
according to the "daily mail," he was seen fleeing his home yesterday and asked a neighbor to take care of his cat. you've got to protect the cat, trump is known for grabbing the pussy. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: get it! come here, kitty! come here! >> jon: oh, oh! you gotta watch that. go there. go there. go there. >> stephen: and we're learning so much about the incoming trump administration. for instance yesterday, we learned that he will not be divesting from his businesses. now, a sitting president with international business ties might seem like a clear conflict of interest. you're not donald trump. >> as you know, i have a no conflict situation because i'm president. i have a no-conflict of interest provision as president. so i could actually run my business. i could actually run my
business and run government at the same time. >> stephen: yeah, that's right. he could do both. ( applause ) >> jon: robot, get out of the box! get low! >> stephen: he could do both. makes sense. hotel business, commander-in-chief. that sounds right. it'd be great. you don't need i.c.b.m.'s. you can just deliver bombs via room service. but trump has made one concession. yesterday he announced he is handing over control of his business to his sons, eric and donald junior, seen here posing for their plaques in the douche hall of fame. ( applause ) congratulations. and to make it absolutely clear
that he is no longer involved in the company, trump has removed his name from his buildings and replaced it with the name of his sons. there were visual aids >> these papers are just some of the many documents that i've signed turning over complete and total control to my sons. >> stephen: wow, that is a really big pile of... something? ( applause ) we don't know. we don't know what it was because reporters weren't allowed to look at any of the documents. possibly because the folders 'containing his business plan' appeared to be blank. so it's all just political theater. the press conference even had a best supporting actress-- trump's lawyer sheri dillon. and we know she's extremely qualified because-- and this is
true-- her firm was the 2016 winner of the "russia law firm of the year" award. ( audience reacts ) congratulations. the award itself is this lovely trophy on her desk. also, yesterday, confirmation hearings continued for trump's cabinet or "basket of employables." in the hot seat was former exxon c.e.o. and prison guard who didn't see you getting stabbed, rex tillerson. now one of the big knocks on tillerson is how cozy he is with vladimir putin and exxon's willingness to do business with shady governments. >> exxon has a partnership with shell, a company known as infineum, that did a fair number of transactions with iran, bypassing u.s. sanctions. are you familiar with this, the use of this subsidiary to bypass u.s. sanctions and do you think it was the right thing to do? >> i don't recall the incident.
i've read about it. but i don't recall it, specifically. >> stephen: really? seems like something a person would remember. "wait, did i leave the oven on? no. did i lock the door? yes. did i break the law against doing business with a state sponsor of terrorism? ugh, that's gonna gnaw at me all day!" something, something, something, something... ( laughter ) doing business with iran sounds sketchy, but tillerson reassured the committee that exxon never lobbied against iran sanctions. >> i have never lobbied against sanctions. exxonmobil never directly lobbied against sanctions. >> stephen: oh, good. except for this. >> i have four different lobbying reports that list exxon mobil's lobbying activities on four specific pieces of legislation authorizing sanctions. >> stephen: "oh, thaaaat lobbying. yeah! yeah! i thought you meant i was
against buildings in iran having lobbies and i'm like "what? that's crazy!" and my brain is like "bleaaah, what's happening?" i'm, sorry, i don't recall the question." so, they've got a paper record, dead to rights, of exxon lobbying against iran sanctions. what say you, iran-ossaurus rex? >> i don't know. i haven't seen the form you're holding in your hand, so i don't know whether it indicates were we lobbying for the sanctions or were we lobbying against the sanctions. >> stephen: well, that's what you want in a secretary of state. a guy who's not sure which side he's on. we've got a great show for you tonight. tom selleck is here. but when we return, i'll give a shout out to some of our lesser sponsors. so stick around. enjoy your phone! you too. all right, be cool. you got the amazing new iphone 7 on the house by switching to at&t...
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( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. please say hello to jon batiste and "stay human," everybody! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: you know, as you guys know, we were talking about this before the show, jon and i can't do the show alone. >> jon: right, can't do it alone. >> stephen: we've got a fantastic band over there ( cheers and applause ) we've got the greatest crew in television right here. >> jon: an amazing staff. >> stephen: an amazing staff of writers, producers, the sound guys, we've got the people who strap on my face every day, all the people who do it. but, of course, a big show like this has a lot of big-name
sponsors. we couldn't do it without their cash, you see, there are so many big names out there. like musinex, that's a big one. this time of the year, more important than oxygen to me. "the late show" is often brought to you by breathe right strips logo and breathe right strips. but we also offer discounts to smaller companies who want to sponsor "the late show," but can't afford the full commercial experience. so, instead, just get me to say the name of their product. this is "late show lesser sponsor roundup." ♪ just to remind you, these are people who sponsor the show but cannot afford the ads.
smaller companies just starting out or older companies that are just about to die, we're not sure, but they just give us a little cash to tell you about their products. we just have to name them. here we go. "the late show" is also brought to you by: kid rock's summer camp. come for the fun, stay because you've had way too much colt 45. "the late show" is also sponsored by: flexibl-egos: the soft lego competitor that you can step on with bare feet and not teach your children the f-word. ( applause ) thank you for your service. we'd like to thank our sponsor: stew-per soakers-- the high powered water rifle to feed your kids hot stew in a hurry. promotional consideration is provided by: my first meatball-- the entry level meatball, with the hole in the middle so you don't choke. "the late show" is also made possible thanks to: avocado pit golf balls. finally, a use for them.
late show is also proud to be teaming up with the people at police chickens, protect, then serve. ( applause ) "the late show" would not be possible without the partnership of "rascally jabber" half-inch knife -- for when you really want to stab somebody just a little. "the late show" is also brought to you by: the comfort-co wheeled mobility bed: "this should probably just be for sick people but it isn't." "the late show" is also brought to you by: bongo t. nanners, the sex ed gorilla -- the country's only sign language gorilla certified to teach kids about doin' it. we've also teamed up with the makers of the l. ron cupboard, a perfect place to hide when
you've escaped scientology. ( cheers and applause ) "the late show" is also brought to you by: the 1981 chevy cavalier -- the number one abandoned car that raccoons are having sex in right now! ( applause ) we're also sponsored by your neighbor's dog. he's up all night screaming at squirrels so you don't have to. of course we're proud to be sponsored by dickerson's artisanal game boys -- the only game boy carved from a single piece of wood that doesn't work and is being sued by nintendo. ( laughter ) "the late show" is also brought to you by captain breakfast's little wheat anuses. little wheat anuses-- they're exactly like cheerios, only harder to eat because of their name. we'll be right back with tom selleck after these bigger sponsors. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ i had that dream again --
that i was on the icelandic game show. and everyone knows me for discounts, like safe driver and paperless billing. but nobody knows the box behind the discounts. oh, it's like my father always told me -- "put that down. that's expensive." of course i save people an average of nearly $600, but who's gonna save me? [ voice breaking ] and that's when i realized... i'm allergic to wasabi. well, i feel better. it's been five minutes. talk about progress. [ chuckles ] okay.
digiorno? talk about progress. [ chuckles ] ♪ rise to the occasion. it's not delivery. it's digiorno. un poquito mas rapido, no? [instrumental music plays] [wheel squeaking] hasta luego, profesor! [pumping of bike tire] [pumping of hospital ventilator] [wheel squeaking] carlos! carlos! dr. brad needs to see you in room 3. [wheel squeaking] [heart monitor beeping] tell cardio right away i need a... mone hundredts thousand times a day, sending oxygen to my muscles. again! so i can lift even the most demanding weight. take care of all your most important parts with centrum. now verified non gmo and gluten free.
♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back to "the late show," everybody! i've wanted to talk to my first guest for years. he is an emmy award-winning actor you know from "magnum, p.i.," "three men and a baby," and cbs' own "blue bloods". >> tv schedule for monday which is also your birthday. >> what does this have to do with the schedule. >> they will want to do cake. let's say 5:00. >> who wants cake at 5:00? >> stephen: let's don't do this again. i know you don't want to talk about your birthday. >> yet you keep talking about it. >> stephen: a lot of people want to get you presents. what do i tell them? >> i don't know. >> stephen: what about in lieu
of flowers, charities. >> isn't that for funerals? >> stephen: please welcome the iconic tom selleck! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ it is lovely to finally talk to you. >> nice to talk to you. nice to meet you. >> stephen: i have wanted to interview your mustache for years. >> thank you. >> stephen: and the mustache was available but you weren't. >> i know. >> stephen: and i understand you're a package deal these days. >> well, i get embarrassed sometimes because, you know, they put iconic to m my name or something, but he gets iconic everywhere, my mustache. my iconic mustache. >> stephen: it pre-seeds you into the room by about 30
seconds. >> yeah, i don't like to talk to him because he's getting full of himself. he has his own agent. >> stephen: do you have to agree on your projects? >> we have to get the "blue bloods" scripts two weeks early because he wants to prepare. he's a mustache for god's sakes. >> stephen: i know you have never expressed any desire to run for public office. >> no. >> stephen: but what about your mustache? because i'd vote for that thing, man. ( cheers and applause ) you don't have to drain the swamp, you could just sweep the swamp out with that thing. >> by the way, is musinex your real sponsor? >> stephen: it's the unsexy sponsor right there. >> it really works, but the mascot, i want to meet the mascot, the big pile of mucus. >> stephen: the pile of phlegm? >> yeah. >> stephen: is he here? we'll get that.
he's my guest tomorrow night, i think. >> it's amazing, though, little phlegmy guy. >> stephen: just to get back to your mustache for a second. >> of course. >> stephen: if you shaved your mustache, do you think you could just rob a bank and no one would identify you? >> no, i -- >> stephen: when was the last time you saw your upper lip, sir? >> well, "blue bloods" has been going on for seven years, so not lately. but i was born with that. ( applause ) >> stephen: really? yeah. >> stephen: you did a lot of commercial work when you were younger and we actually have a commercial. >> oh, thank you. >> stephen: you look fantastic, and turns out you smell even bert. >> oh, good. >> stephen: do you happen to know what it is? >> i did a lot of hygiene products. >> stephen: this is a hygiene product. i can't remember what the product is. we'll find out in a second. young tom selleck without a mustache.
>> safeguard current need heavy per assume to mask odor because it's so effective of removing the cause of perspiration odor. >> good morning. he smells just the way a man should smell. clean. >> safeguard's deodorant lather is so effective it doesn't need heavy perfume. with safeguard, you don't get the heavy smell of some deodorant soaps, you get naturally clean smelling skin. ( applause ) >> it's a very interesting concept. everywhere i walk, there are more people in it. that was great penny marshall and terri. >> stephen: yeah, in the early days. >> the concept is i'd walk by everybody and they'd smell me. but i was pretty new and that was a flannel suit and i was pretty hot and smelly. so i don't know what i really smelled like.
and i think i took a shower in that. >> stephen: in the early part of the commercial you were taking a shower. >> yeah. >> stephen: how much of your early work was you showering? >> everything you did in those days, i'm not sure anymore, when you showered, you had to shower ecstatically, you know, just crazcrazily. >> stephen: why? to be excited about the the lather? >> i don't know, they just had me do that. if you did it ecstatically enough you lost a lot of skin. one commercial i did was for some cologne and i had to slap on cologne all over my body and i had no skin left so any nipples were pretty painful. >> stephen: i never in a million years imagined the first time i interviewed you that you would say my nipples were pretty painful. thank you very much. you might be the first one who's ever said that to me in public. ( cheers and applause )
the first man ever to say that on camera with me. >> it's a tough world out there. >> stephen: yeah. people have no idea! but i got by. i always felt then i would rather do a stupid commercial than a stupid acting job. >> stephen: like a stupid movie or something like that? >> yeah, like a stupid movie. >> stephen: what's the stupidest movie you ever did? >> i did two really stupid movies. i did daughters of satan. >> stephen: that sounds like a quality film. family drama? what's daughters of satan? >> you always think you can rise above it. you go, well, i know it's a low-budget movie but i'll do more work and get more jobs, but that didn't happen. might have been because of my death scene when my wife who was really a witch stabs me in the back. it's a long story. >> stephen: sounds like a good one. >> terminal island was good. >> stephen: good? had seven breasts.
i don't know why they had an odd number of breasts in it. >> stephen: did you have seven breasts? >> no, i played -- this was big and i was going to rise above. no, capital punishment was outlawed and all killers are sentenced to an offshore island where they develop their own society and i played dr. milford, the mercy killer who was hooked on wild mimosa as a substitute for cocaine. >> stephen: that's a classic tale. >> yeah, absolutely. >> stephen: where do the seven breasts come in? >> i think somebody got their blouse ripped open only on one side. >> stephen: so you saw seven breasts over the course of the film. >> well -- >> stephen: how did you know there were seven, were you counting? >> i'm always counting. >> stephen: very important. in those days seeing a breast was a pretty big deal. >> stephen: still a pretty big deal to me. ( laughter )
when "magnum" was on, it was the most popular television show in the world. did you ever want to be recognized and weren't? you probably go anywhere in the world and people go, hey, magnum! >> it's a good lesson when you're not. i got recognized a lot when i was in hawaii. i became the de facto host. >> stephen: in hawaii. yeah. if i got pulled over for speeding, the cop would come up and go, oh, i'm sorry! i didn't know it was you, go on, please. so i was doing okay. but the lessons you learn, gene kirkpatrick, who was ambassador of the united nations. >> stephen: under reagan. yeah, she was a democrat and reagan hired her and she was really smart and i really admired her. she's at the hilton down the road, so i'll call her. i called her, and she was very nice. she got on the phone and said, yes? i said, well, i'm tom selleck, and if you would like to visit
our set, we would like to host you and you can watch us film. i know you're on a layover here and maybe you've got nothing to do. and she said, i'm sorry, i don't have any idea who you are. ( laughter ) so my brush with greatness was cut short. >> stephen: oh, i'm so sorry about that. did you ever -- >> but she was pretty smart. >> stephen: oh, absolutely. now "blue bloods." how many of these have you done? have you done more of these or magnum p.i.? >> we're on season 7. >> stephen: so the cbs brass. if the cbs brass is list upping, we're coming up on 150 in about four shows, i think. so that's a lot of episodes. but "magnum," the number was 163. so if he h renews us and i get to 164, that's my new record. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: so if you get to
164 with "blue bloods," are you going to just like peel off the mustache and walk off into the sunset? >> yes. well i did that in the last episode of magnum. why not in "blue bloods"? >> stephen: did you really? yeah, i walked off into the sunset. he walked off with his daughter. >> stephen: when i was 14 and that thing was at its peak, i could not imagine a greater goal of my manhood than being tom selleck in the opening credits teaching that woman to swim in the pool and driving a ferrari. >> that was shirley rogers. >> stephen: i don't know who cheryly rogers was. >> shirley rogers was a babe. she worked a scene in the show and i knew the camera crew pretty well and shirley was beautiful and she had body parts that you wand to stare at, so i am holding her, teaching her how
to scuba dive and she's got her mask and snorkel in and i did an aside to the crew -- i went, oh, my god -- and they put it in the show. ( laughter ) >> stephen: well, it was lovely to meet you and your mustache. either one of you are welcome to come back anytime, please. >> he's very glad to be here and i'm ecstatic. >> stephen: well, tom, an honor. nice to see you. "blue bloods" airs fridays at 9:00 central, 10:00 east coast, cbs, tom selleck, everybody! we'll be back with craig robinson, stick around! ♪ ( cheers and applause ) hey, need fast heartburn relief?
( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back to the show already in progress. my next guest has starred in "hot tub time machine," "pineapple express," and of course "the office." please welcome craig robinson! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> yeah! >> stephen: do you know these guys? >> i know louis over there. >> stephen: how do you guys know each other? >> i host a show in los angeles called the black movie sound track. >> stephen: what is the black movie sound track. >> they show these black music in movies, whether it's been sound tracks or black artists, and then we have performances
from, you know, several artists. like this year we had -- last year we had gladys knight, earth wind and fire, baby face. >> stephen: you have your own band called nasty delicious. >> nasty delicious. >> stephen: it's kind of unfair for you to be as funny as you are and also have a band. shouldn't you have to pick between one of the two? >> i don't think so. in fact, i've married the two, so when i do my act, it's music and jokes. >> stephen: you just took nasty delicious to australia. >> yes. >> stephen: here you are, getting your koala on right there. that's nice. >> you have not been cuddled -- you don't know what a cuddle is till you cuddle a koala bear. people think they're high all the time but they're not. they eat eucalyptus and get sugar from it and just enough
sugar to go to sleep and get up and eat more eucalyptus. it's a beautiful life. i think i'm a koala bear in another life. >> stephen: can you explain what's happening here? are you a big snake fan? what's going on there? >> snakes get a bad rap, too. >> stephen: you have never been cuddled till you have been cuddled by an anaconda. >anaconda. if you told me i would go to australia and touch a snake, i would go, no, never. but that was amazing. they feel amazing. then they showed you how to hold it and stuff and it was awesome. >> stephen: what kind of snake is this? >> i don't know what kind of snake it is but my fear of snakes is gone. >> stephen: everything in australia wants to kill you is what i've heard. >> yeah. >> stephen: this thing could wrap around your neck and squeeze and you would be gone. >> it's not what you heard. that's proof. it's all good. >> stephen: you look like you have been eating some
eucalyptus. ( laughter ) you look like you've gotten just enough sugar. ( laughter ) you have a new show. it's called. >> karaoke showdown. >> stephen: explain to me why that is not car pool karaoke? >> i love james corden, been on the show, he is amazing and awesome. so the short answer is that mixed with like cash cab. >> stephen: i love cash cab. right. >> stephen: you just pick people up and they have to sing? >> it's a game show in a car. these are not professional singers so there is a lot of ear pain going on. >> stephen: you're the driver? yes, i'm driving the car, hosting the show, and i'm getting stuff in my ear, i'm drunk, all kind of stuff. >> stephen: have you had any
accidents? >> well, i missed a few turns. there's a lead and follow van, and sometimes i'll get all into it with the contestants and we have a good time and i missed a few turns, but no accidents. >> stephen: you haven't hit anybody? >> no. >> stephen: what do you make them do for the cash? >> there are several -- i mean, a lot of different games, but, like, one would be, for example, you start singing with marshmallows in your mouth and your partner has to guess the song and every song they get right, more money and more marshmallows. >> stephen: that's a choking hazard. >> yes. >> stephen: and it's dangerous. has anyone died during your show? >> it's dangerous and nasty but what are you going to do? >> stephen: you're a former music teacher, too. >> yes. >> stephen: how old were the kids you're teaching? >> i taught k-8 music in chicago. >> stephen: wow ( applause ) >> and inn snien gary, indiana.
eggers and franklin elementary. hammond, indiana. >> stephen: what's your favorite age to teach? >> right there in second, third great. >> stephen: that's a great age, yeah. we've got a lot of second graders in the audience tonight. what's great about the second grade? >> it's right before they turn evil. >> stephen: second grade is like seven years old. >> third and fourth grade, something happens right there -- >> stephen: it's called puberty. >> eighth grade is cool because they want to graduate. >> stephen: they calm down again? >> right. >> stephen: what would you teach them? >> i taught some chorus, singing, pianos, little recorders and stuff like that. >> stephen: i was hoping you would say that. this would be for you. i've got two recorders here because when i heard that you taught, i know the first thing you always teach kids is recorders, so i have a couple of
recorders back here. >> it's been a while for me, too. >> stephen: can you teach pe? i can play one thing on the recorder. >> let's see it. >> stephen: this is "national geographic" special "they just found a treasure" the gold was found in the back of the cave -- ♪ ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> wow! >> stephen: mary had a little lam. >> let's see. ♪ >> stephen: hold on, what are you doing? >> cover everything. >> stephen: cover everything? tart with the bottom. >> stephen: okay. cover, cover, cover. then start here. ♪
( applause ) >> stephen: what's my grade? that was an a right there. >> stephen: craig robinson, thank you so much! i got an a! caraoke showdown premiered tonight on spike. craig robinson, everybody! we'll be right back with a performance by asap mob. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ discover italy's lighter side, at olive garden. with new tastes of the mediterranean. recipes that put a fresh spin on traditional italian. taste the touch of garlic in our shrimp scampi. and the basil pesto in our new chicken margherita. each dish is under 600 calories and still 100% delicious. so come in tonight and indulge in italy's lighter side. at olive garden. have you any wool?eep, no sir, no sir, some nincompoop stole all my wool sweaters,
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>> stephen: and now, a special performance of "crazy brazy" from their album, "cozy tapes volume 1: friends," ladies and gentlemen asap mob! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> ♪ i got a lot on my head gucci rag tied on my head ♪ put a red dot on your head i put that guap on your head ♪ don't be talking to me crazy don't be talking to me crazy ♪ don't be talking to me crazy don't be talking to me crazy ♪ i got a lot on my mind i put that guap on my mind ♪ i got a lot on my mind i put that nine to your mind
♪ don't talk to me brazy don't talk to me brazy ♪ don't talk to me brazy don't talk to me brazy ♪ i don't want no conversation i don't need explanation ♪ shoot with no hesitation they do it for a reputation ♪ they don't play me on the station ♪ press 'em like detonation want more jelly than a mason ♪ man i'm rocky like a caveman we rock i'm a rockstar ♪ try to cuff me like a cop car try to play me like a popstar ♪ that's how you get not far all my cus, ( bleep ) crazy ♪ all my bloods, ( bleep ) brazy might just drop in ♪ on a wednesday been the ( bleep ) designer wavy ♪ don't talk back, just give me face ♪ i got nines on my waist hide them lines in the place ♪ i don't care i'm with flacko, you on flakka ♪ you got guns but won't pop 'em i send ( bleep ) to the doctor ♪ i don't care sandman tan money bag, drag, ♪ slash bag man baghdad land ♪ talk back, get back slapped with a back hand ♪ black man, black hand side anti everything since yams died ♪ in dodge van by n.y.
no who, what, where, why, when ♪ i got a lot on my head gucci rag tied on my head ♪ put a red dot on your head i put that guap on your head ♪ don't be talking to me crazy don't be talking to me crazy ♪ don't be talking to me crazy don't be talking to me crazy ♪ i got a lot on my mind i put that guap on my mind ♪ i got a lot on my mind i put that nine to your mind ♪ don't talk to me brazy don't talk to me brazy ♪ don't talk to me brazy don't talk to me brazy ♪ hundred thousand dollar nightmare ♪ if i wanna take a flight there man ( bleep ) it spend ♪ a life here young thuggin in some nike airs ♪ bicken back being bool, baby layin' back by the pool, baby ♪ bumpin' that ( bleep )too wavy counting stacks ( bleep ) ♪ too brazy walk around with a bag on me ♪ walk around with a flag on me bickin back i got mad homies ♪ joey fatts might blast for me tote the tecs i got cash homie ♪ take it back i got crack on me this and that got that on me ♪ where you from? where you at homie? ♪ i got a lot on my head gucci rag tied on my head ♪ put a red dot on your head i put that guap on your head
>> stephen: that's it for the late show. tune in tomorrow when my guests will be cuba gooding jr., rupert friend, and comedian gary gulman. now stick around for james corden and his guests, bryan cranstnd jesca biel. goodnight! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where you come from it's gonna be all right ♪ it's the late, late show