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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  March 25, 2019 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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late show with stephen colbert is next. >> captioning sponsored by cbs >> we want you. stay! ( laughter ) there's so many more investigations that have to be done! ( laughter ) and we still have questions that have to be answered! ( laughter ) why is trump so supportive of putin? ( laughter ) why did trump's son meet with a russian lawyer in a secret meeting? why did trump lie about the moscow tower? don't leave us alone with him.
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he's crazy! ( laughter ) mueller! come back! ♪ ♪ >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight, russian to judgment. plus stephen welcomes senator elizabeth warren and tony hale, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: hey!
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downtown! happy monday! welcome! welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your shows stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) now, folks, how was everybody's weekend? ( cheers and applause ) i had a pretty good weekend. not as good as the president's, but good. in case you're coming to us from under your rock -- i hope you're all sitting down, and you all are, good. ( laughter ) out there, too. because this weekend, we got some troubling news -- our president is "not" a russian asset. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) it just feels strange to say. >> jon: yes. >> stephen: now, i say "troubling news" because, if
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trump isn't working with the russians, then what the hell is wrong with him? ( laughter ) if they don't have anything on him, why does he keep saying nice things about putin? ( laughter ) it's like, if at the end of "the manchurian candidate" when they show him the queen of diamonds, the guy's like, (as trump) "put away the card. don't need it. ( laughter ) queen of clubs, jack of diamonds, subway sandwich punch card, whatever, i'm onboard." ( laughter ) here's where we are -- after almost two years, in which we all aged ten, on friday, robert mueller turned in his report to attorney general and white-collar fred flintstone, william barr. ( laughter ) what was in it? friday around 5:00, something like that. what was in it? nobody knew. until yesterday, when barr released a four-page letter summarizing it. it was like cliff notes or more like "i want to jump off a cliff" notes. ( laughter ) because the biggest bombshell, according to barr, is that
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"mueller's report concluded the trump campaign did not collude with russia to influence the 2016 election." which brings us to our new, ongoing segment "oh... alright then..." ( laughter ) "day one." ( cheers and applause ) this is, shall we say, anti-climactic. ( laughter ) it's like saying, "guess what, kids! santa came! and he brought...mostly nothing ( laughter ) in fact, santa took his sack of presents and handed it over to a guy named bill, and bill's like, "i'll give you a summary of the gifts." oh, and by the way this bill guy got this job by writing a 19 page memo about how christmas is illegal. ( laughter ) we've been following this mueller investigation for two years. i think we even mentioned it on the show a couple of times.
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( laughter ) and this is the finale. this is worse than the ending of "lost." ( laughter ) >> jon: wow. wow. ( piano riff ) ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: i mean, what about the smoke monster? was it real or not? and if not, why have so many members of trump's campaign plead guilty to lying about meeting with the smoke monster? ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) i don't understand! i don't understand! why couldn't this have been like the ending of "seinfeld?" still disappointing, but at least they're all in jail. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) oh, my. so now that barr says that mueller says there's no proof of collusion, a lot of people want trump's critics to apologize. okay, i'll start. i've said one or two things about donald trump, like how he's a terrible president. so i'm just gonna bite the bullet and say, mr. president, if you're watching, and i know
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you are, i'm sorry... that you're a terrible president. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) that was easy. that wasn't that hard. okay. that wasn't hard at all. barr also says the second part of mueller's report focused on obstruction of justice. and obstruction is murkier because, again, according to barr, mueller presented evidence both for and against obstruction, but "did not draw a conclusion one way or the other." he just left it up to other people to figure that out. mueller put it all in his new book, "did trump obstruct justice? choose your own indictment." ( laughter ) barr also quotes mueller as saying, "while this report does not conclude that the president committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him."
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which trump summed up this way -- >> it was a complete and total exoneration. ( laughter ) >> stephen: no! no, it wasn't. he said it doesn't exonerate you! ( laughter ) trump doesn't understand the simplest concepts. (as trump) "i just tried some 'i can't believe it's not butter', it's complete and total butter. i can't believe how much it's butter." ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) it's almost like trump didn't read barr's summary. and by "almost like" i mean "exactly like," because he didn't. at 3:00 p.m. sunday, mr. barr's chief of staff, brian rabbitt, called one of the white house lawyers, emmett t. flood, and read him the letter. mr. flood then briefed mr. trump about mr. barr's letter. it's the best news of his presidency, and he can't even
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bother to read it. (as trump) "how long is it? four pages? call me when it fits on a hat." ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: rock that over there! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: so here's the deal, mueller left the question of whether trump obstructed justice to barr, and barr decided that, "investigators had insufficient evidence to establish that the president illegally obstructed justice." so he might have legally obstructed it. ( laughter ) but barr's whole decision is a little suspect because, before being appointed attorney general, barr wrote a 19 page -- he voluntarily wrote a 19-page memo where he called the obstruction theory "fatally misconceived" and said that it was based "on a novel and legally insupportable reading of the law." that's a hell of a job application.
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"here's my card. it says 'bill barr, obstruction is not possible.' oh, i got the job? what's my first assignment? decide whether or not obstruction is possible? let me see that card again? nope!" am i done? can i go? done! ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) oh, i've got to stay? barr's findings of mueller's findings were a relief for the president. reportedly, when trump got the news, he expressed vindication, though no great display of emotion. (as trump, flat) "no collusion. i was right. i'm having that feeling again-- you know the one where you're not angry? what's the word? is it happny? ( laughter ) it's like horny, but for life?"
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( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) but, later, in front of cameras, there was a bounce in his bone spurs -- "i just want to tell you that america is the greatest place on earth! the greatest place on earth." (as trump) "greatest place on earth! only in america can i, a rich and powerful white man, face no consequences for my actions ( cheers and applause ) no, wait. plus, and i don't say this often enough, home of the whopper." ( cheers and applause ) i could go for a whopper. >> jon: a whopper junior! >> stephen: double whopper with cheese. >> jon: oh, wow! >> stephen: and even though mueller confirmed russian election interference, the kremlin is taking a victory lap. putin's spokesman, dmitry peskov, responded with the ol' gloat and quote.
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"i would like to quote the words of a chinese philosopher who said 'it is very hard to find a black cat in a dark room especially if it is not there,' (russian accent) ( laughter ) "we know, because we executed the cat. ( laughter ) then locked reporters in dark room." ( laughter ) yesterday, trump was in the oval -- yesterday trump said he completely trusts mueller's results. >> it began illegally, and hopefully somebody will look at the other side. this was an illegal takedown that failed. >> stephen: though to be fair, it is hard to take down donald trump. he's got a veryen gravity. he's week a weeble trying to attack a trash bag full of hammers. ( laughter ) ( applause )
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but this is how he's been talking about mueller and his team all along. he's constantly railed against the 13 angry democrats in charge of the russian witch hunt, and said that the russian witch hunt is rigged. no, in the salem witch hunts, they always found them guilty. it never ended with (as puritan) "sorry about burning you alive, goody jenkins. we've looked at the evidence and there's nothing there. dust yourself off, and-- oh you're all dust at this point? my bad." ( laughter ) that's my pilgrim impression, by the way. >> jon: my bad. >> stephen: all along, trump blamed the entire witch hunt on a secret government cabal known as "the deep state." but here's the thing -- if the deep state is a government-wide conspiracy doing everything in its power to take down donald trump, then the deep state sucks. ( laughter ) at their job. what kind of incompetent illumanati do they have working
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over there at the deep state? ( laughter ) (as deep state buffoon) "golly, i told the freemasons we'd bring down trump with a shadowy bureaucratic coup, but then i got my head stuck in a mop bucket and dropped my instructions from george soros in the terlet! so, if you'll excuse me, i'm gonna go get the holy grail out of secret government storage and fill it with mr. pibb! we can't afford dr. pepper." kind of aesg cabal. i'm shocked. shocked. ( cheers and applause ) thank you. really an actor. really an actor. ( cheers and applause ) i'm shocked that barr says that mueller says he didn't find compelling evidence that the
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trump campaign cooperated with the russians. because that means that all those times trump tweeted "no collusion," he... was right ( laughter ) does that mean trump was right about other stuff? is it actually spelled, "hamberders?" ( laughter ) did he actually have the biggest inaugural crowd of all time? ( laughter ) because, if so, there's something wrong with my eyes. maybe i didn't spend enough time staring directly at the sun. ( laughter ) so, anyway, so there it is. mueller is an honorable man and said donald trump is not a foreign asset which is good news. but even if trump is falsely accused, he only has himself to blame. because he lies so much, you just don't know what to believe. he even lies about things he doesn't need to lie about. for instance, we now know that trump wrote the memo for don
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junior saying that the trump tower meeting with the russians offering them hillary's emails was actually about adoption. that lie is an obstruction about collusion. ( cheers and applause ) no, no. but barr says that mueller says that he's not sure that that's a crime. but we know it's a lie. he lies so much, you never know when he's telling the truth. it's just safer to assume he's always lying. so, the rest of trump's presidency is like a big bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough. he promises you, it's "the finest chocolate chips in the world." but i promise you, if you swallow that, you're going to be eating some rat poop. ( laughter ) which, technically, is not a crime, but it's going to leave a bad taste in your mouth. ( laughter ) but fair's fair. ( cheers and applause ) true. true story.
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>> true story. >> stephen: based on a true story. >> jon: that's a true story if i ever heard one. >> stephen: but bar says mueller says there was no collusion between trump and russia. so we have to cross collusion off the list of reasons trump is unfit to be president. fellas, bring out the board. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) okay. okay. let's find it in here some place. put kids in cages, repeatedly humped flag, gave security clearances to son-in-law, called nazis "very fine people," hasn't released tax returns yet, all the birther stuff, thought frederick douglass was alive, tried to ban muslims, gave a speech about a sex boat to the boy scouts, ruined kanye, okay, colluded with russia, take
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that off. ( audience reacts ) no, no, no, no, no, fair is fair. let's take that one off. okay. and i really want to be fair to him, so i should also cross mueller off the list of trump investigations. ( cheering ) there you go. sir, it's gone. that must be one-seventeenth of a weight off your shoulders! we've got a great show for you tonight. ( cheers and applause ) elizabeth warren is here. but when we return, more monologue. stick around! ( cheers and appusbala good boy!
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that's yes for less. get the latest spring trends for your home at 20 to 60 percent off specialty store prices. at ross. yes for less. at ross. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! jon batiste and "stay human," everybody! give it up for the band, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: whoo! >> stephen: you know i'm over here, right? i'm here. ( cheering ) please have a seat, everybody! thank you very much. jon, i'm over here because we have more monologue tonight. too much to fit in one act. a lot to talk about. >> jon: a lot to talk about. >> stephen: because when i go over there, i'll be talking to elizabeth warren in a little bit. >> jon: oh, yeah.
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>> stephen: a good guest to have tonight. here's the thing -- donald trump may not be indicted, but one person is facing consequences for his crimes, and that's high profile lawyer and "guy who's lawyerin' here!," michael avenatti. you might remember avenatti as the man who used to represent stormy daniels in her suit against the president, using the cagey legal strategy of spending 24 hours a day on cable news talking about himself. ( laughter ) at the time, he got such a high profile that he announced he was exploring a run for president. ( laughter ) now, come on! a man that egotistical and self-promoting had a pretty good shot. ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) ( cheers and applause ) well, take off that "avenatti 2020" shirt, because today, avenatti was arrested for an alleged $20 million extortion scheme against nike. ( audience reacts ) so, "everyone" who comes into
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contact with donald trump becomes a criminal. is that how this works? all you have to do is make eye contact with him, and-- bam! you're smuggling endangered sea turtles out of the philippines. ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) >> stephen: a heavy sea turtle over there, jon. >> jon: a big turtle. >> stephen: first mueller finds no collusion, now avenatti gets arrested. did donald trump recently find a genie? ( laughter ) what's going to be his third wish? (as trump) "okay, genie, last wish. either i ban you because you are muslim or unlimited hamberders." ( laughter ) i love will smith. ( applause ) here's what happened -- avenatti claimed he had proof that nike was secretly paying star high school athletes and their families to get them to go to certain colleges. we know that's not how it works. parents are supposed to secretly pay college coaches to pretend their students are star athletes. ( laughter ) ( applause ) did i get that right?
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did i get that right? is that how it works? avenatti told nike that he'd spill the beans unless "nike made a payment of $1.5 million to a client of avenatti's and agreed to 'retain' avenatti for between $15 and $25 million." ( audience reacts ) he thought nike was going to hire him? bold move. ( laughter ) that's like showing up to your job interview and saying, "what's my greatest weakness? well, i guess i care too much about these photos i have of you and your mistress." ( laughter ) one of nike's lawyers pointed out he never got paid that high of a retainer, to which avenatti asked, have you "held the balls of your client in your hand where you could take five to six billion dollars market cap off of them?" ( audience reacts ) i didn't realize holding your client's balls was a standard part of legal services. ( laughter ) i need a new attorney.
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( laughter ) ( applause ) cheering )evehat' calle passing the bar. >> jon: oh! >> stephen: avenatti was ready to act on his threat. he tweeted "tomorrow at 11:00 a.m., we will be holding a press conference to disclose a major high school/college basketball scandal perpetrated by @nike that we have uncovered." but unfortunately avenatti's plan ran into a bit of a hiccup, because the f.b.i. showed up to arrest him 15 minutes after he tweeted. ( laughter ) ( applause ) yeah. >> jon: they got him. >> stephen: fast. >> jon: real quick. >> stephen: that's the f.b.i. promise -- if we don't bring justice in 30 minutes or less, the perp walks free. ( laughter ) but that's just the beginning, because minutes after the news about the new york charges broke, federal prosecutors in california charged avenatti in a separate case involving wire and bank fraud. wow! ( audience reacts ) separately, they double-teamed him! and, at this moment, i am not going to make any reference to
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stormy daniels. ( laughter ) we'll be right back with senator elizabeth warren. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) i am totally blind. and non-24 can throw my days and nights out of sync, keeping me from the things i love to do. talk to your doctor, and call 844-214-2424. tand sasha got dressed to crushr her job interview.
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! hello, ladies and gentlemen. ( cheers and applause ) ladies and gentlemen, my first guest is the senior senator from massachusetts and a democratic candidate for president. please welcome, senator elizabeth warren! ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: nice to see you again. >> it's good to see you again. >> stephen: it is your fifth
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time. >> is that right? >> stephen: those are john oliver numbers you're putting on the board right there. nice to see you again. >> it's good to be here. >> stephen: i'm going to read the tea leaves of your appearance. so happy to have you. so fun to talk to, and also on a night like this after this weekend. is purple a message of unit for america? >> no. >> stephen: no? ( laughter ) not red and blue coming together? >> you know, look, i think that this is a moment where we've got to acknowledge what's happened with the mueller report, that we've got to take the next step and say make the mueller report public. we're big, we can all read it. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: okay. somebody in the senate who knows how washington works or has a better idea than i do, what do you think the odds are that we're going to get to see it? >> you know, i don't know. but if we don't see it, then millions of people around this country are going to keep asking what's in it that nobody wants us to see?
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>> (audience) right! >> stephen: because if it is complete and total exoneration, we should all see it so we could just see how totally exonerated he is. >> exactly. >> stephen: yeah. everybody can read. well -- ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: we'll do some of it in pictures. now, here's the thing, were you surprised at the results because there was so much, as i said, smoke monster. there was so much smoke. there were so many instances publicly that we saw obstruction, it just happened to be in public, we saw so much lying about connection to the russians, were you surprised you were going to run against somebody who was indicted? >> for me it was never about running against somebody who was indicted. it's really about running against somebody who is making the government work better and better and better and better for a thinner and thinner and thinner slice at the top and
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leaving everybody else behind. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: what are the -- you know, what are the things that he has done that you find most egregious in that way? what do you think he's doing to help the 1% or .1 of 1% of america. >> let's look at how america works. when donald trump and congress wanted to give away a trillion-plus dollars to millionaires and billionaires and giant corporations, they got their act together in just a few weeks and managed to pass a bunch of tax breaks for them. but when it comes to questions about how we make this country work for everyone else, things that matter to all of us, like right now this government works great for giant drug companies, just not for people who are trying to get a prescription filled. they can't seem to manage to do anything to lower the cost of prescription drugs. ( applause ) >> stephen: i have read that you have more policy proposals
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out already than any of your other challengers for the democratic nomination. you are sort of setting the agenda in many ways for what the proposals will be and that the, you know, 5:30 headline said elizabeth warren's ideas could win the democratic primary even if she doesn't. okay, so would that be good enough for you? ( laughter ) >> you know, i love these ideas, and let me tell you why, why they are so important. it's about how it is we can make real change. so think of it this way -- i put a proposal out for a wealth tax. that would produce -- ( applause ) yeah. on the richest 75,000 families in this country, 2%, we could take that money and provide universal childcare for every one of our children. ( cheers and applause ) universal pre-k. cut the student loan debt
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burden. ( cheers and applause ) build millions of new housing units across this country and bring down rent and attack racial redlining. ( applause ) we could start on a green new deal. we could use the money to do the things that help us build a future. >> stephen: and the money would come from a tax on the super wealthy. >> yeah. >> stephen: okay. what number -- >> yeah! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: i'm all for that. i'm just curious what number super wealthy starts at. would you please write on this paper what number it starts out so i'll so how much i support your -- that's personal wealth? >> plus one. it's $50 million. >> stephen: okay, i'm on board. i'm on board then. ( cheers and applause ) yeah, get those guys! yeah! we got to get these bastards right now, elizabeth! you and me back-to-back after these -- for a few years, for a if you years, yeah.
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but that's the whole point is that we can make government work for us, but, right now, what we've got to do is we've got to put the ideas out there about how to do that. >> stephen: how liberal are you? >> i believe in an america that doesn't just work for those at the top, i believe in an america that works for everyone. >> stephen: so you are a communist! ( applause ) what do you make of the -- the right is throwing out this idea that, oh, the democrats are going to turn us all into socialists. we're all going to be venezuela if we all have a social safety net. >> (audience) yeah! >> stephen: there's one venezuelan out there tonight! ( laughter ) >> i believe in markets but they need rules and a cop on the beat to enforce the rules. markets without rules are theft, and we can't have that. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: we have to take a little bit of a break but we'll
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: that's nice. lovely people. well, everybody, we're back here with a presidential candidate, senator elizabeth warren. senator, let me ask you this, please -- >> sure. >> stephen: -- a fox poll has you and bernie leading the pack at people under 45.
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>> mm-hmm. >> stephen: people over 45, biden who has not declared yet if he's going to, is leading over 45. what do you think you could do to appeal to more older voter vs other than appearing on a cbs show? ( cheers and applause ) >> i'm going my best here. >> stephen: you're doing your best, okay. >> so i think it's about the ideas that we need to talk about. you know, people are trying to send their kids to college and, right now, just over the space of the last generation, incomes have not gone up, yet the cost of sending your kid to college has more than tripled, and that's tough not only on parents but an entire generation that's now shouldering a trillion and a half dollars in student loan debt. that is just one more example of, right now, a government that will give away money to the rich
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and powerful, those at the top, and then say to young people trying to build a future, they have got to carry al all of the weight themselves. look, this is about the ideas, what we're going to run on as democrats, what we're going to say about our vision of how to build a future. and if you really think that this primary should be about ideas, then i hope people who like that will go to elizabeth, i hope they will sign up, pitch in ten bucks, and be a part of saying ideas have a critical place right now at this moment in history and, at this moment in our democratic primaries. we cannot cede this ground and say america is going to be a country that just keeps working better and better for somebody else and doesn't work for the rest of us, doesn't work for all of our children. i'm in this fight because i am someone who lived opportunity. my daddy ended up as a janitor. his baby daughter got a chance
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to be a public school teacher, got to be a chance to be a college professor, got a chance to be a united states senator and a candidate for president of the united states. ( cheers and applause ) we have to build our country for all of our children. ( applause ) >> stephen: you mentioned just now, you know, go give ten bucks -- >> or more. >> stephen: -- or more. i'm easy. >> stephen: you said you won't call wealthy donors or attend fancy fundraisers. >> yep. >> stephen: why won't you do that, and is that just for the primaries or ever? >> so, look, i don't do any of this. i think the problem is that money has too much influence in washington. ( cheers and applause ) it just does. and right now, in a democratic primary, we have a chance to walk the walk. i don't take corporate quinnipiapacmoney, i don't takef
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any kind. i don't take money from guys trying to help me out or call wealthy donors. i have been to 12 states and puerto rico at a time. i'm with people who one at a time want to rebuild demock signed what that means is volunteering, it means putting in a contribution for whatever you can to make this work, and it means starting face-to-face, person-to-person, across this country to build the kind of grassroots foundation that's going to make the difference in 2020 and, more importantly, is going to help us make real change come 2021 so we never elect a man like donald trump again in our lives. ( cheers and applause ) >> senor ezabethor, thankfor e. en evedye'g for president! we'll be right back with tony hale! thank you, senator. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) you could take the treatment of your ulcerative colitis
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♪ let me see that! ♪
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( band playing ) hey! welcome back, everybody!
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ladies and gentlemen, my next guest stars in one of the greatest tv shows of all time, "veep." >> i have been wanting to ask you, do you see how amy is hovering over dan. i think they're hooking up. >> dan is not dipping his pen in that, inc. stain. plus she's getting fat in the front. did you see that? >> it is literally all i can think about. ( sighs ) >> hey, gary, why would you want to be president? >> to give it to you, of course. oh, that's good. god, i know what i want to say, but i can't find the words. >> what if you talk and i type? how about that? lou and >> let's try that. great, great. this is fun. >> well, from the time i was a girl -- >> from the time i was a pretty girl -- >> no, not pretty girl. from the time i was a girl. >> oh, but you're so pretty. >> stephen: please welcome, tony hale! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
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>> the dance! >> stephen: that dance, sure. good to see you. how are you? >> happy monday. >> stephen: happy monday to you, too. nice to see you. thanks for being here. look, you know, sunday -- >> sunday. >> stephen: -- seventh and final season of "veep." >> yeah. it's kind of sad. >> stephen: yeah, yeah. but also fantastic. i'm going to try to imagine this is not the last season when i watch it because i don't want to weep through the entire thing. >> and we like each other, the cast really gets along. >> stephen: don't like the other people. makes it easier to say goodbye. >> you don't like anybody here? >> stephen: no, we don't talk, cameras off, legally no eye contact. >> that is great advice, thank you for that. >> stephen: i love you as gary. i love everything in the show.
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the last time you were here, two years ago or something like that. >> yeah. >> stephen: i waxed poetic, i opined how much i love "veep." but now it's gotten worse, i may need to be medicated or institutionalized because the worse our politics have gotten, somehow the more comforting the horrible world of washington you paint seems. >> yeah, yeah. ( laughter ) however, i will say sometimes you're watching the news and you want to laugh because it's so crazy. >> stephen: yes. but then you feel guilty for laughing. we can be an outlet to laugh at guilt-free. >> stephen: but i also see the humanity of the characters you're playing. >> yes. >> stephen: it's that humanity. >> yes. >> stephen: and i said this when you and i be were both honoring julia at the kennedy center last year, is the ability for the show to bring humanity for these people that makes me feel sorry for these politicians a feeling i normally don't have? ( laughter ) >> yeah, and it's true. you see a little more behind the scenes that they are human beings, and they obviously
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have -- there's a lot of ridiculousness. >> stephen: any spoilers? you and salina hook up? >> we get married. >> stephen: there it is, guys. no, the dysfunction gets worse. gets worse, we are drunk on dysfunction. >> stephen: that's great. it's bad. >> stephen: next for you, you have a netflix series. >> yes. >> stephen: what is that? i'm excited about this. >> stephen: wow, not excited about "veep," evidently. ( laughter ) now he's really lit up. >> you know, forget "veep." ( laughter ) no, i did this children's book years ago. let me back up. i remember i always wanted a sitcom and i got a sitcom, yet i was still on a great show looking to my next thing. and i was, like, whoa! if you're too focused on your next adventure, you're going to miss the adventure you're on. so i did a children's book about a chicken named archibald always looking to his next thing and missing where he is.
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and this bee travels around with him and he's, like, you just got to be, man. ( laughter ) we're doing a show with dream, with next year, and now archibald is a very present chicken. >> stephen: oh. and he yes-ands his way through life and he sees the best in people and is super positive and i feel like we need a lot more of that in this world today. >> stephen: the other big news, the toy story 4 is coming out. >> yeah! >> stephen: and you play the new toy. forky. >> forky! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: perfect. it's perfect! >> don't iisn't it cool? it's the first toy the girl made and he's having a bit of an existential crisis, the fork. >> stephen: because they call him forky. >> and he doesn't always want to be a toy, he always wants to go
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to the trash. ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: wow. i know. but he learns there's a lot of value and he's loved. ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: i can't wait! i'll bring kleenex. >> yes. >> stephen: tony, always so great to see you. thank you so much for being here. >> thanks for having me. ( piano riff ) >> stephen: season 7 of "veep" premieres this sunday on h.b.o. tony hale! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
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>> stephen: that's it for "the late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be keri russell and martha stewart. now stick around for james corden. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight. ♪ do you worry where you come from. ♪ it will be all right. ♪ it's the "late, late show." ♪. >> ladies and gentlemen, all the way from inside


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