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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  February 14, 2020 11:35pm-12:37am PST

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the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> thank you for watching the news. continue to captioning sponsored by cbs >> each side, the house impeachment managers and the president's defenders, will get 24 hours for their opening arguments, so we are looking at some potential late nights ahead. >> they could go a very long time today, into the wee hours. >> you're watching c-span3. have you considered ambien? ( laughter ) coming up, coverage of the senate impeachment trial. if it goes late into the night, coverage will continue on "c-span after dark." ( romantic music playing ) tonight, indulge your fantasies that this will be a fair trial. ( laughter ) watch as the prosecutors make arguments, orally, while the president's defenders yank their arguments out anally.
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then, after "c-span after dark," join us tomorrow morning for "c-span walk of shame." ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight: sham i am. plus, stephen welcomes patrick stewart and dick cavett featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: come on! welcome, one and all. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ welcome, one and all. beautiful! beautiful!
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welcome, welcome one and all, to "the late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. today is-- ( cheers and applause ) today is just day one of the impeachment trial of donald john trump. ( applause ) it is a pivotal day-- yeah, it's historic. it's a pivotal day in the history of the republic: soon, we will find out if breaking the law is illegal. ( laughter ) >> jon: we will find out. >> stephen: got to say, got to say, so far, i don't like the odds. ( laughter ) and i'll tell you all about it in tonight's "don and the giant impeach." ( cheers and applause ) >> oh my god. whoa! whoa! i'm soaking wet. ( laughter ) >> stephen: technically, technically, the trial begins tomorrow. today was debate about the rules
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proposed by senate majority leader and scrotum of the opera, mitch mcconnell. ( laughter ) ( applause ) his-- his rules say-- mcconnell's rules say that the senate has to vote on whether they want to consider new evidence at all. and mcconnell does not guarantee the trial will include witnesses. so, no evidence, no witnesses... just 100 old people stuck in a room together. this isn't a trial. it's the 4:00 dinner rush at denny's. ( laughter ) or a matinee in branson, missouri. but, if by some wild chance, there where monkeys eat meat, it turns out there are witnesses, mcconnell has built in a fail- safe, because if the majority decide to call witnesses, that witness would first be interviewed behind closed doors, meaning they might never testify in public. ( as mcconnell ) "the american people-- ( booing ) no, no, no, no, hush.
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the american people deserve a fair and transparent process. now place the testimony hood over the witness's head and drag him into the fact dungeon and beat him with the truth hose." ( laughter ) but here's the thing: according to a new cnn poll, 69% say that the upcoming trial should feature testimony from new witnesses. that's a two-thirds majority. but then again, if we did what the majority of americans want, hillary would be president, and we'd have mallomars all year round. ( cheers and applause ) refrigerate the trucks! we have the technology! if we can have moon pies, we can have mallomars. now, the same poll found that 51% of americans say the senate should remove trump from office. ( as trump ) "oh, no, my old nemesis, majorities! even worse than my other nemesis: minorities." ( laughter )
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now, once arguments got underway, house impeachment manager adam schiff laid out exactly why mcconnell's rules for the trial are nothing like the clinton impeachment. >> all of the documents in the clinton trial were turned over prior to the trial. all 90,000 pages of them, so they could be used in the house's case. none of the documents have been turned over by the president in this case. and under leader mcconnell's proposal, none may ever be. if the house cannot call witnesses or introduce documents and evidence, it is not a fair trial. it is not really a trial at all. >> stephen: now, who knows if his argument is going to make any difference in the long run, but it just feels good for someone to stand up and name the lie we can all plainly see. it's like the little boy yelling, "the emperor has no clothes! oh, god! make him put clothes back on! my eyes! ( laughter ) wipe away my eyes!" now, schiff pointed out-- now,
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schiff pointed out that, setting politics aside, we all know what real justice looks like. >> ask yourselves how would you structure the trial if you didn't know what your party was and you didn't know what the party of the president was? >> stephen: and while we're on hypotheticals, ask yourself if you'd rather see trump dragged out of office by one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses? ( laughter ) schiff disputed the republican line that they're just following the process laid out during the clinton impeachment, and reminded the senate why they had to be so careful about talking about that case. >> the testimony in the clinton trial involved decorum issues that are not present here. you may rest assured, whatever else the case may be, such issues will not be present here. >> stephen: yes, there were a lot of issues in the clinton trial with decorum. bill clinton could not keep sticking his decorum where it didn't belong. ( laughter ) tough word.
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got to be careful. it's hard to say. that was hard to say and not get it bleeped on cbs. ( laughter ) ( applause ) very difficult. phew. then tv lawyer jay sekulow got up to rebut on behalf of the president and really raised more questions than he answered. >> what are we dealing with here? why are we here? >> stephen: ( as sekulow ) "why are we here. what's love got to do with it? do you know where you're going to? do you like the things that life is showing you? what's the buzz? tell me what's a-happening? where are the clowns? there ought to be clowns. in summation: war-- hungh, good, god, y'all, what is it good for? the defense rests." ( cheers and applause ) thank you. thank you. now, white house attorney pat cipollone seemed to think that collecting evidence was, itself, somehow unfair? >> if i showed up in any court
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in this country, and i said, "judge, my case is overwhelming, but i'm not ready to go yet. i need more evidence before i can make my case," i would get thrown out in two seconds. >> stephen: no, you wouldn't! it's called "discovery." courts allow it all the time! instead of opening statements-- ( cheers and applause ) look, cipollone, instead of opening statements, maybe you should have spent your hour watching "law & order." ( "law & order" tones ) now, cippollone couldn't justify no evidence and he couldn't justify no witnesses, so how do you make a case with no argument? volume! >> when you look at these articles of impeachment, they are not only ridiculous. it's outrageous. it's ridiculous. it's ridiculous. it's ridiculous. it's outrageous. it's outrageous. it's long past time that we
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start this so we can end this ridiculous charade. >> stephen: yes, let's get started, and while we're at it, get pat cipollone a thesaurus. because it's ridiculous! outrageous! egregious! iniquitous! oooh, opprobrious! it's-- it's nutrageous!" now, at one point, schiff corrected cipollone's characterization of the house process. >> mr. cipollone made the representation that republicans were not even allowed in the depositions conducted in the house. now, i'm not going to suggest to you that mr. cipollone would deliberately make a false statement. i will leave it to mr. cipollone to make those allegations against others. but i will tell you this: he is mistaken. >> stephen: ( as schiff ) "i won't say mr. cipollone would deliberately take a dump on your desk and blame it on a tall dog,
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but i will tell you this-- his belt is looking mighty loose over there. ( laughter ) i don't know. he owns a great dane." schiff made it clear why trump's lawyers keep arguing about process. >> every time you hear them attacking house managers, i want you to ask yourselves, away from what issue are they trying to distract me? what issue came up before this? what are they trying to deflect my attention from? why don't they have a better argument to make on the merits? >> stephen: to which jay sekulow replied, "hey, look over here! shiny, shiny! pay no attention! ( laughter ) there it goes! get it, boy, get it!" now-- ( cheers and applause ) now, apart from mcconnell's nutrageous rules, there's the senate rules, which are pretty strict when it comes to how the senators have to behave. for instance, they'll be forced to surrender their phones and sit in their chairs silently for
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the duration. they also won't even be allowed to talk at length to people nearby or walk on certain areas of the senate floor. ( as sergeant of arms ) "hear ye, hear ye. be it known the following areas of the senate floor are lava. ( laughter ) parts of the lobby are snakes." ( laughter ) now, the rules get weirder. according to florida senator and last thing you see before the chloroform kicks in, rick scott. ( laughter ) >> jon: whoa! >> stephen: oooh. >> jon: snakes in the grass. >> stephen: "your skull will make quite a trophy for father." ( laughter ) now-- totally believable-- scott told a reporter that senators can only drink water or milk
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during the impeachment trial. now, milk might seem weird, but that's just so the senators from wisconsin can bring in their emotional support cows. ( laughter ) now, the president, the president himself missed the impeachment kickoff because he's at the world economic forum in davos. because nothing screams "innocence" like being put on trial and immediately fleeing to switzerland. ( laughter ) we did though, in america, we did hear from the man without whom this impeachment wouldn't be possible, trump personal lawyer and penguin father abandoning his chicks to the seals, rudy giuliani. ( laughter ) last night, giuliani went on tv to complain about how he doesn't get a fair shake from tv. >> they don't investigate democrats. they are afraid. i am going to devote a lot of time this year exposing the double standard on my own podcast. >> stephen: yes, stay tuned for the premiere of rudy's podcast,
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"this american low-life." ( laughter ) now-- ( applause ) i'll listen. i'll listen! truly, one of the most disturbing things about this entire story, giuliani has been accused of stalking u.s. ambassador to ukraine, marie yovanovitch, but he denied it. >> you directed the surveillance of a sitting u.s. ambassador, maria yovanovich, in the ukraine. >> right, no, i did not. i can definitely tell you i didn't. in fact, she directed surveillance of me! which nobody is investigating. >> stephen: ( as giuliani ) "marie yovanovitch spied on me! also, she's the one who keeps locking herself out of her apartment, climbing in through the window, and sleeping on a pile of dirty suits. she's the one who goes into the steam room, she's the one-- ( cheers and applause ) she's the one-- yovanovitch is the one who goes into the sauna and accidentally sits down on her own testicles and has to gather them up in a satchel just to put on her own pants!"
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( cheers and applause ) we've got a great show for you tonight. patrick stewart is here. but when we return, "meanwhile!" won't you join us? ♪ dramatic choir music ♪ dramatic choir music ♪ dramatic choir music ♪ dramatic choir music steady the elbow.shoot me one? ♪
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♪ ahh boom shaka laka. feisty. ♪ ahh
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♪ (professor) sthe product of sound pressure tand a component of the partial velocity at a point. [sounds] kazoo sound ♪
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tis better than the criminal in democrathe white house.esident we all have progressive plans to address the big challenges facing our country. what makes me different, is i've been working for ten years outside of washington, to end the corporate takeover of our democracy, anton poweto theerican pple. i started need to impeach to hold this lawless president accountable. i'm proposing big reforms like term limits... ...a national referendum... ...and ending corporate money in politics. as president, i'll declare climate change
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an emergency on day 1. and, use those powers to finally address the climate crisis. and, i've spent 30 years building a successful international business. so, i can take on donald trump on the economy - and beat him. i'm tom steyer and i approve this message - because there is nothing more powerful than the unified voice of the american people. ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: jon batiste and stay human, everybody. give it up for the band. ( cheers and applause ) jon... hey. jon, jon, i-- i am thrilled, one of my favorite guests is going to be here tonight in just a minute. patrick stewart is going to be right here.
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( cheers and applause ) professor xavier, captain picard. the new jean-luc picard coming on cbs all access. and the second one is a man i have known and admired for many years, but i have never had a chance to interview, except, like, you know, over a couple of cocktails out when we're drinking, and that is mr. dick cavett is going to be here tonight. ( cheers and applause ) the legend. >> jon: legendary. >> stephen: influential to what we do here. folks, it's no secret, every night i spend a lot of time right over there going through the newest, most-fashionable stories and carefully styling them on the chic storefront mannequin that that is my monologue. but every once and a while i collect the hairs from an old brush, ball up the hair from the dryer, douse it all in blood and sew on some tiny clothes to create the voodoo doll of news th is my segment, "meanwhile." ( cheers and applause )
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right here. it makes all better, "meanwhile" makes all better. it's the opiate of the masses. meanwhile, a deaf man from brooklyn is suing the website pornhub over a lack of closed captioning. ( laughter ) good for him! i do not blame this guy for a minute. if you can't hear, you might be able to figure out that the lonely housewife didn't have enough cash to pay the pizza boy, but without closed captioning, how will you know she ordered it with extra sausage? now, according to the man's lawsuit, "porn websites are 'places of public accommodation.'" okay, i'm going to stop you right there. it's one thing in your own home, but please don't accommodate yourself in public. ( laughter ) meanwhile, scientists at stanford university have created a new drone that mimics the flight of real pigeons, which they achieved by creating wings that imitate "a bird's wrist and
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finger." i know we don't usually think of birds as having wrists and fingers, but you can see them quite clearly in this photo. ( laughter ) yeah. meanwhile. >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: mm-hmm. ( applause ) ( cheers ) meanwhile, recent golden globe winner "awkwafina will voice the 7 train from queens announcements for a week." here's an actual sample: ( laughter ) >> stephen: sounds fantastic. well, not to be outdone, laguardia airport's t.s.a. announcements will now feature their own fun celebrity cameo: >> ladies and gentlemen, please keep personal belongings with you at all times. ( liam neeson from "taken" ) >> if you don't, i will look for you, i will find you, and i will kill you.
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( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: spooky. >> jon: that's a lot there. >> stephen: yeah. >> jon: creepy. >> stephen: meanwhile, at the australian open tennis qualifiers on sunday, a chair umpire reprimanded french tennis player elliot benchetrit for asking the ballgirl to peel his banana for him, apparently struggling with sweaty hands and band-aids on his fingers. look, i know it's a tired cliche that americans make fun of the french for being so quick to surrender... and i'm going to do it again right now. ( laughter ) ( mocking french accent ) "euuh, i cannot peel zees banana. plees, leetle girl, 'elp me weeth zee fruit. i cannot ruin my band-aids. for zey 'ave scooby-doo on zem. little spongebob square pants. his pants are so square!" ( laughter ) we'll be right back with patrick stewart. ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause )
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othroughout the country for the past twelve years, every single day. mr. michael bloomberg is here. vo: leadership in action. mayor bloomberg and president obama worked together in the fight for gun safety laws, to improve education, and to develop innovative ways to help teens gain the skills needed to find good jobs. obama: at a time when washington is divided in old ideological battles he shows us what can be achieved when we bring people together to seek pragmatic solutions. bloomberg: i'm mike bloomberg and i approve this message.
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody, welcome back to the show. ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is an acclaimed actor from the stage and screen. he's now reprising one of his most iconic roles, jean-luc picard in "star trek: picard." >> lieutenant commander data. operations officer on the "enterprise" did you ever lose faith in him? >> never. >> what was it that you lost faith in, admiral? you've never spoken about your departure from starfleet. didn't you, in fact, resign your commission in protest? tell us that one.
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why did you really quit starfleet? >> because it was no longer starfleet. >> i'm sorry? >> because it was no longer starfleet! >> stephen: please welcome, patrick stewart! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ cheers and applause ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ >> thank you! >> stephen: isn't that nice? so lovely to see you again. >> it's so good to be back. >> stephen: you're looking as dashing as ever. >> really? >> stephen: yes! ( cheers ) >> wow. isn't that nice? what form does the "dash" take? i mean, i don't do what you do. how do you do that running? >> stephen: how do i run? >> how do you do it?
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>> stephen: i've had my knees replaced several times. i'm more machine than man at this point. >> hey, you should be on our show. >> stephen: i would love-- oh, do you know how much i would love to be in your show! >> really? >> stephen: do not start something you can't finish, jean-luc. come on! >> let's have a little tiny audition, then. what about you say, "make it so!" >> stephen: number one, make it so! >> oh, hey! ( cheers and applause ) that's amazing! i mean... last time you playedean-luc picard, if i nn, wins trnemesis" >> stephen: i have to imagine the last 18 years people have been tugging on you to get you to play jean-luc many times. why this time and not before in the last 18 years? >> correct.
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when i opened the invitation, the details that came through my agent-- >> stephen: you got an invitation like, "please come to a celebration of you accepting this part?" >> "we would love to meet with you and talk to you about an idea we had, bringing back jean- luc." and that was michael chabon, akiva goldson, alex kurtzman, kirsten beyer. an extraordinary group of writing talent, not just television but novels. michael got a pulitzer prize for his-- >> stephen: "cavalier and clay." >> and i was intrigued. i mean, it's not often you get invitations from four guys like that. three guys and a gal. >> stephen: right, yeah. >> sorry, sorry. i mean no offense. >> stephen: well, the show opens with-- i won't say what exactly it opens with.
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but very early on we see picard, the captain, on a french vineyard, which is where he lives now, with his companion, number one, who is pictured right here, is a... a pit bull right there. whose idea was it to make number one a pit bull terrier? ( cheers and applause ) >> i-- first of all, i did suggest that when i was seen in the vineyard, i'm alone, but it would be great if i had a dog with me. because a man alone with a dog, that sets up certain emotional dependencies, i think. >> stephen: sure. >> was that funny? >> stephen: a man alone just looks like a drifter. >> and they agreed. they thought it was a good idea. and i said, "however, i need one
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breed of dog. it must be a pit bull. and i want to try and find the most impressive-looking pit bull that's in hollywood." >> stephen: he's an incredible dog. ( cheers and applause ) you've dedicated a lot of time to supporting the image of pit bulls, rehabilitating them in people's minds. why is that so important to you? >> well, we began fostering about four years ago because, you know, we travel so much and move about, but within 36 hours of fostering ginger, who is now an international superstar on social media, we knew we had found the dog for life-- for the rest of my life, certainly. and then we discovered we couldn't take him to england because he's a banned breed. they call it "breed-specific legislation." there are four breeds banned, and one of them is pit bulls, because they're dangerous dogs.
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now, they're not dangerous dogs. all pit you bulls want to do is make their owners happy, please them. but if that means-- ( applause ) thank you. if that means fighting other dogs because it makes your master happy, yes, you'll do it. because you're pleasing the guy who looks after you. that's why they got that reputation. and there have been incidents. but there have been incidents with all breeds of dogs. and these are the sweetest, most empathic, most sensitive creatures that i've ever known. ( applause ) >> stephen: that's a beautiful reason, a beautiful reason to have that dog. well, you've had many honors over the years, sir-- including the "sir," right? >> yes. >> stephen: okay. but you got a big one last week, which i just love. this is one i would look forward to some day if i could ever earn it, is that you got your hands and feet immortalized at hollywood's t.c.l. chinese theater. there you go.
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( cheers and applause ) what was that like for you? did you have-- was this something that you thought of growing up? because this is an image i've had in my mind since i was a child. >> if i thought of it i would have dismissed it immediately. but there is a little story behind it, if i may just tell you? i'll keep it very brief. i first came here as an professional actor in 1968 with the royal shakespeare company, the armison theater, the music center had just been opened. we did i think a six-week season doing two plays. now, when our first day off came, where did we head? hollywood! of course. we wanted to get some excitement, feel the buzz of being in the middle of the film capital of the world. and we found what used to be called graumman's chinese theater. it's now "the chinese theater." and we looked at these slabs of concrete with footprints and handprints and incredibly famous signatures signed in them. and with me was a colleague,
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another actor from the company playing, you know, small, supporting roles. it was a guy called... ben kingsley. and ben and i, we stood looking at this going, "wow. what must it be like? it must be amazing." well, there i was, getting to do it myself. and hollywood is-- american movies have always had a huge influence on me. i saw them when i was young. and they-- well, my childhood wasn't great. so movies were an escape. as acting for me for a long time became an escape, i didn't have to be patrick stewart anymore. i could be somebody else and lead another life, other than the life that i was leading. and so, to be on hollywood boulevard, doing that with so many famous names, i mean, incredibly distinguished and brilliant people. ( applause ) >> stephen: well, i have one--
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there is one-- patrick, there is one obvious follow-up question there. has ben kingsley gotten it? >> okay, um, i hope to be discussing this with ben very soon, but no, he has-- no. but-- >> stephen: gotcha! >> but he got a star on the hollywood walk of fame before i did. so we're kind of 50-50. >> stephen: tit for tat, exactly. well, wonderful to see you. thank you so much for being here again. "star trek: picard" premieres this thursday on cbs all access. patrick stewart, everybody! we'll be right back with talk show legend mr. dick cavett. ♪ ♪
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(howling wind) (howling wind)
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economically powerfully influenced my values. bernie sanders he's fighting to raise wages. and guarantee health care for all. now, our country is at a turning point.
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hard working people, betrayed by trump, struggling to survive. in this moment, we need a fighter. bernie sanders. we know he'll fight for us as president because he always has. i'm bernie sanders and i approve this message. ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! folks, ladies and gentlemen, a great man once said, "i can't believe i know groucho marx." well, ladies and gentlemen, i can't believe i know dick cavett. please welcome to "the late show," mr. dick cavett! ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause )
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>> boy! >> stephen: dick, it's good to see you again. >> you, too. it's good to see you. i realized i had a kind of dream last night. this could be odd and uncomfortable. >> stephen: why? >> well, because you have two late-night talk show hosts, so that the whole conversation could be no answers, just question-question. ( laughter ) >> stephen: how are you? >> how are you? >> stephen: why do you ask? >> well, i just-- why would you ask me why i ask? >> stephen: are you uncomfortable not asking questions, dick? >> are you uncomfortable at alln until the whole place is empty. but, anyway... >> stephen: we-- i've had the good luck of knowing you for a few years now, back from the old show. we get together every so often and have a cocktail. >> we go together, we have a mild drink. >> stephen: a mild drink. you usually have an orange juice and compari. >> what a memory! >> stephen: yes. >> and you have a pink lady.
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oh no! oh, my god! ( applause ) wow! >> stephen: you don't have to drink it, but in case you need a refreshment, there's an orange juice and compari. >> oh, that is good. >> stephen: it is. >> you know who drinks that? >> stephen: who drinks that? >> marlon brando. >> stephen: not anymore. that's where you learned how to drink that, from brando? >> from marlon brando. you know, the actor? >> stephen: i'm familiar, i'm familiar, yeah. he was in "superman." why did he recommend that? what was the recommendation behind this cocktail? >> i said i'd have scotch. and he said, "why don't you drink compari and orange juice." he talks funny. >> stephen: oh, i know. did he say why? >> i tasted it, and then he introduced me to a member-- believe it or not-- of the
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compari family from italy. he has a connection there. you know my anagram curse where i rearrange words. >> stephen: i heard about this that you automatically start rearranging words when you meet someone, like their name. >> tell me if this is a close shave or not. you're mr. compari. and i said, "hello, mr. compari." and my mind rearranged his name and it's, "am i crap?" ( laughter ) >> stephen: you kept that to yourself, i hope? you kept that to yourself? >> i suppressed it, yeah, check it out. >> stephen: now, everybody knows you had a talk show. you had more than one talk show. i watched all of them. i did. >> my god. ( applause ) >> stephen: now, people ask me who my influences are, and of course johnny and of course dave. but the one that people don't automatically know is what a huge influence you were on me. because i loved watching-- the way you interviewed people it was so honest. you-- you had such interesting guests, unusual guests at times, and asked such interesting and
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kind of deep questions. do you-- do you see yourself as differentiating yourself from the other guys that way? >> well, that's touching, by the way. can you tell that i'm touched by hearing this? yeah. could this be where i'm frequently mistaken for you on the street? >> stephen: yes. ( laughter ) for that reason, and because i don't moisturize. ( laughter ) now you had your own show. and i think you're the only person who went up against johnny carson in competition, who johnny still liked. >> this is true. people said-- ( laughter ) "you may be from nebraska together, but this isn't going to cement your friendship, that you're going opposite him." and i said, "nobody's going to dream of my knocking johnny carson off the throne." and guess what, i never did. ( laughter ) but we remained friends. we talked about old things, nebraska memories and things. and sometimes, when i started,
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as you know, to start a 90- minute show or late-night talk show, or whatever, you realize, "i've never done this before." >> stephen: no, there's no preparing to be on the show by yourself and have your name up front. >> i can't think of anything that would-- i did some dumb things at first. i-- i really was scared. i woke up, and i thought this is the first day of my life i'm responsible for a television show that's ad lib. i can't even remember who's on today. somehow i got through it. but will your staff ever correct you or say, "here's something you might want to change a little about yourself?" >> stephen: if i did anything wrong, they would, i'm sure. ( laughter ) i've told them, "correct me if i ever make a mistake," and i'm waiting. i'm sure any moment, any moment. ( laughter ) >> start bracing yourself now for that awful day. >> stephen: no, sure, you have to have people around you that tell you you're doing a-- you're terrible. ( laughter ) >> a friend-- a friend will tell
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you this. actually, one woman on my staff said, "dick, i don't know if i should say this because you're the star, you have a kind of a bad habit. when a guest is talking, you don't always seem to be listening." ( laughter ) and she was right. i remember-- ( laughter ) somebody would be rattling on, and i would say-- watching the guest the way you peer at me now, and i would think, "this person's lips have stopped moving. i don't know what they were talking about. oh, god." and she said, "the other bad habit you have, i'm afraid, is that you don't seem to listen in another sense, they say something, and then you say something that has no connection to it." because i was just scared to look up from my notes-- number one, number two, number three. it would-- ( laughter ) ( applause )
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>> stephen: i'm sorry-- >> we can-- now cut that out. >> stephen: we have to take a break, dick. don't go anywhere because we'll be right back with more mr. dick cavett, everybody. stick around. i'm your 70lb st. bernard puppy, and my lack of impulse control, is about to become your problem. ahh no, come on. i saw you eating poop earlier. hey! my focus is on the road, and that's saving me cash with drivewise. who's the dummy now? whoof! whoof! so get allstate where good drivers save 40% for avoiding mayhem, like me. sorry! he's a baby! fishrisotto. buffalo. (buffalo wild wings) gelato. cheesecake. (cheesecake factory) grilled steak. clam bake. milkshake. brussels sprout. sauerkraut. fresh-caught trout. alfalfa sprout. curry. fried turkey. mcflurry. (mcdonald's) cacciatori. chimichurri.
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[ fast-paced drumming ] when mike first became mayor, there were places where black and brown children hadn't received an education for 30 years. mike said, "those are the kids i want to give an opportunity". he increased teacher's salaries. he increased the graduation rates by 40%. he made schools safer all over this country. children aren't getting a quality education. mike is going to fight for all the children. i saw him do it in the largest school system in america. he's going to do the same thing in this country. i'm mike bloomberg and i approve this message. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) if you're living with hiv, keep being you.
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and ask your doctor about biktarvy. biktarvy is a complete, one-pill, once-a-day treatment used for hiv in certain adults. it's not a cure, but with one small pill, biktarvy fights hiv to help you get to and stay undetectable. that's when the amount of virus is so low it can't be measured by a lab test. research shows people who take hiv treatment every day and get to and stay undetectabe can no longer transmit hiv through sex. serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. rare, life-threatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. do not take biktarvy if you take dofetilide or rifampin. tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take, if you are pregnant or breastfeeding, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. if you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking biktarvy without talking to your doctor. common side effects were diarrhea, nausea, and headache. if you're living with hiv, keep loving who you are. and ask your doctor if biktarvy is right for you.
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putting term limits on congress, about washington insiders went crazy. they said term limits are bad, that they'll break government. what a joke! congress is working fine for politicians and corporations, but it's not doing anything for real people on climate, health care or gun safety. the only way we get new ideas is electing new people, including a president willing to shake-up washington. i'm tom steyer and i approve this message.
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( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey, everybody, we're back here-- we're back here from our commercial break with mr. dick cavett. >> speaking. >> stephen: yes. one of your greatest guests was the greatest of all time, muhammad ali. and you have a new documentary-- >> funny you should mention that. >> stephen: you have a new documentary on hbo. "ali & cavett." it's about ali as seen throughout all his appearance on your show over the years, 14 times you met with him. when did you first meet ali? >> the very first time i met ali was on a sidewalk, hollywood and vine, in front of the el capitan theater, which became the jerry lewis theater. and i was a writer for jerry lewis on that notorious two-hour show that abc is still paying for.
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>> stephen: right. so what was the first interaction? >> they said, "ali's here. go downstairs. he's out in front of theater." i ran downstairs, out in front of the theater and there was a crowd looking at him, and there were two people fighting. really, language, fighting. one of them was muhammad ali, and one was a strange man who happened to be there. and it was terrible language. and then ali said, "i've had enough of this!" and he walks off, broke into laughter. it was all an act, and it was a case of what a wonderful actor he is. he knew-- he was so show canny-- cavvy-- cavett-- forget it. ( laughter ) he would know just one inch more moving would take him out of camera shot. he just-- like henry fonda, always hit his spot without looking. and ali broke into laughter, and he grabbed the man, and they
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were great friends. but i thought, this man has show biz instinct. >> stephen: was he cassius clay at this point or was he ali? >> no, he was ali by that time. i wrote some poems for him to read, and strangely enough, as each show of his was on, 10 times, or whatever he was on my show-- >> stephen: 14, we counted. >> we became friends. >> stephen: oh, what an extraordinary person to become friends with. >> like buddies, yeah. well, it's not so extraordinary when you think of our backgrounds, they're so similar. ( laughter ) >> stephen: well, we have a clip here-- we have a clip here. this is some footage. you are in the ring with ali here in this clip. >> oh, yes. >> stephen: do you know what's going on here? >> i didn't know then, and i don't know now. >> stephen: this is right before he's going to face frazier, either for the original or the rematch, one of the rematches. i'm not sure. >> yeah, i had had the two of them on the same show, and that was pretty exciting.
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>> stephen: wow. >> at one point they picked me up and the two-- ali said to frazier-- they were not great friends-- "let's forget-- let's pretend we're friends and get him." and they picked me up and held me in the air and moved me about. and fortunately, i could think of something. and i said, "i just saw i'm squeezed between you two and it looks like a giant oreo cookie." ( laughter ) some people have not forgotten that. >> stephen: well, we have a clip right here of you in the ring with ali. jim. >> gosh. >> are you surprised? >> i'm surprised that you're in such good shape. i don't see a bit of fat, nothing but bone. >> you didn't even-- you didn't even blink. >> no, because i know you're not that crazy. ( laughter ) >> you do any of this, kind of warming up stuff? >> no, i don't do that. they do that in the boy scouts and olympics. the only exercise i do in the ring, dick, is punch. that's the only exercise i do here. >> the danger is my hurting
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you-- >> i've been wanting to do this ever since i came on your show. ( laughter ) >> you want to see a guy take a fall? you know how they do in the wrestling matches? you can cover this? just pretend that you hit me. oh! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: dick, here's to you. thank you so much for being here. >> well, it was a pleasure to be here. >> stephen: "ali & cavett: tale of the tapes" airs february 11 on hbo. dick cavett, everybody! the greatest! we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ obama: he's been a leader
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throughout the country for the past twelve years, mr. michael bloomberg is here. vo: leadership in action. mayor bloomberg and president obama worked together in the fight for gun safety laws, to improve education, and to develop innovative ways to help teens gain the skills needed to find good jobs. obama: at a time when washington is divided in old ideological battles he shows us what can be achieved when we bring people together to seek pragmatic solutions. bloomberg: i'm mike bloomberg and i approve this message.
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>> stephen: good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late late show >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from saskatchewa

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