tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC October 22, 2016 12:07am-1:07am MST
[ cheers and applause ] ?? >> announcer: from the warner theater in washington, d.c., it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight, vice president joe biden. second lady of the united states dr. jill biden. music from sturgill simpson. featuring the 8g band with thaddeus dixon, corey glover and ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, how are we doing, washington, d.c.? [ cheers and applause ] thank you so mucha -- for having us here -- in your beautiful city. we're having the best week we could have imagined. now let's get to the news. donald trump told supporters last night to go out and vote on
[ light laughter ] when election day is actually november 8th. unless november 8th is just a lie being spread by the liberal media. you know what? [ light laughter ] if you're a trump supporter you should probably just go with whatever he says. [ cheers and applause ] donald trump, last night, criticized republicans who are dropping support for his wouldn't want to be in a foxhole with a lot of these people." trump made the comment while talking to everyone's favorite foxhole, bill o'reilly. [ cheers and applause ] president obama yesterday criticized republicans for taking so long to denounce donald trump and asked voters, quote, "why did it take so long for them to finally walk away? yes, seriously, at this point even trump has. >> more than the bush tax cuts by
>> seth: "i don't want to -- i don't want to do this anymore. i don't want to do this anymore." [ light laughter ] trump campaign manager kelly ann conway said this morning that republicans should decide whether or not they support donald trump and, quote, "stop pussyfooting around." [ light laughter ] cool choice of words. [ light laughter ] that's the worst choice of words since abraham lincoln said, "i in the head." [ laughter and applause ] today is our third day working in washington, d.c. "stop bragging!" yelled jeb bush. [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers ] three days working in d.c.
that momentum was on donald trump's side. unfortunately it's this kind of momentum. ?? >> meep, meep! [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: today was yom kippur, or as gary johnson calls it, "the capital of thailand?" [ laughter and applause ] i think that's right. "playboy" has announced it will begin selling digital copies of the magazine on itunes and google play. "what's playboy?" asked a teen boy watching free pornography on the internet. [ light laughter ] we're a week away from the final presidential debate. "please tell me they're using podiums," said the chair trump was humping.
and finally, former house speaker john boehner says he still plans on voting for trump even though he said, "donald wasn't my first choice, wasn't my second choice, for that matter he wasn't my third choice." "who was your fourth choice?" whispered jeb. [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have an outstanding show for you tonight. he's the vice president of the united states, joe biden is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] she's the second lady of the united states, dr. jill biden is also with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and we will have music from a fantastic country singer and songwriter. sturgill simpson is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and i went to his concert here in d.c. last night.
album, and i'm so excited that you're all going to hear him tonight. now, before we get to all that fun stuff, as donald trump's poll numbers continue to tank, hillary clinton is looking to shore up support among any democrats who might still be wavering amid new leaked documents that reveal her coziness with big banks. for more on this it's time for "closer look." ?? [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: you would think at this point hillary could just kick back with a glass of chardonnay and her laptop and just keep until election day. [ light laughter ] after all she's running against a lying, racist, buffoon who doubles as billy bush's wingman. he was such a menace to democracy he doesn't even know the date of the election, november 8th, as he proved at a rally yesterday. >> go and register, make sure you get out and vote november 28th. >> seth: i can't wait to hear trump on november 9th. "cnn is so biased, they're saying hillary's already won the
days away." [ cheers and applause ] so that's the competition right now. still, hillary's ties to wall street have caused her problems with at least one constituency, and that's young voters, some of whom have turned to third-party candidates as a result, which is especially disheartening when you imagine gary johnson's take on wall street. "well, is it a wall or a street? [ light laughter ] is it both? becaat now hillary could speak directly to those voters' concerns about what they see as a fundamentally corrupt economic system and offer ways to address that corruption. but nah. instead her campaign has asked for help from a surrogate many young voters may not even be old enough to remember. >> hillary clinton is about to roll out her brand-new secret weapon to win over millennials. al gore. [ light laughter ] >> seth: al gore is your secret
what, you couldn't get matlock? [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers ] and when he campaigned with hillary yesterday, al gore was as exciting as ever. >> for those of you who are younger than 25 you might not remember the election of 2000 and what happened here in florida and across the country. [ audience boos ] but take it from me, it was a very close election. [ light laughter ] >> seth: oh, al gore, yeah. you know, the reason he's been out of the political spotlight is he's working his side job as the lunesta moth. [ laughter and applause ] okay. so hillary's hoping that bringing gore out on the trail with her will help with millennials as long as there aren't, you know, more e-mails out there about her cozy relationship with wall street. >> thousands of hacked e-mails from her campaign chairman
they include what appear to be excerpts from transcripts of closed-door speeches that clinton gave to wall street companies after leaving the u.s. state department. >> seth: at this point hillary e-mails get leaked so often she should just give us her password and let us log in whenever we want. [ light laughter ] although i'm pretty sure if we had to guess we'd figure it out. [ laughter and applause ] now, a lot of the leaked e-mails have nothing to do with wall street and are in fact pretty routine. in 2014 e-mail exchange, for example, a long-time clinton friend and ad maker, pitched possible slogans to sum up her candidacy and create excitement for her campaigning. and this may surprise you, they were all terrible. "neither change nor continuity but the different way, the new way. she champions with clear vision and grit. we will build not the partisanship, but rather the ship of state. flying the american dream flag." [ light laughter ] "the ship of state, flying the
that sounds like a bad japanese translation of a lee greenwood song. [ laughter and applause ] and that, may i remind you, that was from someone in advertising. they were probably responsible for the famous ad, "teddy grahams, the cracker beast who, within each, beats the heart of flavor." [ laughter and applause ] but the biggest revelations in these e-mails were the excerpts from what are allegedly hillary clinton's paid speeches to goldman sachs and other wall >> hackers releasing purported excerpts of her paid speeches to big banks. clinton saying when it comes to policy, quote, "you need both a public and private position." in another speech clinton appears to contradict her own public stance on the hot-button issue of trade, saying, "my dream is a hemispheric common market with open trade and open borders." >> seth: now, the clinton campaign has tried to avoid commenting on these documents and implied that some of them
tim kaine tried on cnn on sunday without much success. >> i don't think we can dignify documents dumped by wikileaks and just assume they're all accurate and true. >> is this document then, is it accurate? did she tell brazilian bankers that -- >> i have no way of knowing that. i have no way of knowing it. >> well, you could ask her. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, oh, yeah? oh, yeah, jake? well, what if i'm too afraid to ask her, huh? i'm tim kaine, i'm not going to as [ light laughter ] but hillary herself seemed to confirm the authenticity of the documents when she was asked in the debate about her comments on having both a public and private position. and it gave trump an opportunity to jump in. >> as i recall, that was something i said about abraham lincoln after having seen the wonderful steven spielberg movie called "lincoln." >> she lied. now she's blaming the lie on the
[ light laughter ] >> seth: who says the late, great abraham lincoln? [ laughter and applause ] trump talks about lincoln like he was a hall of fame pitcher for the brooklyn dodgers. and lincoln throws one inside, he's keeping them honest. [ light laughter ] but it turns out hillary really was telling the truth, because in the actual transcript of that speech she says, "if you saw the spielberg movie 'lincoln' and how he was maneuvering and amendment passed politics is like sausage being made, we usually end up where we need to be but if people are watching, then people get a little nervous to say the least. so you need both a public and private position." so i guess the real scandal here is that bankers paid thousands of dollars for hillary clinton's movie reviews. [ laughter and applause ] in short, "sully" will goose your heart rate and then bring you in for a smooth landing, i give it 2 1/2 pantsuits, that
[ laughter and applause ] nonetheless, nonetheless there does seem to be a divergence in some cases between what hillary told wall street bankers behind closed doors and what she said publicly. for example, hillary insisted she's tough on wall street, yet when she gave paid speeches to those wall street banks it seemed like she was sending them a slightly different message. >> a passage where she contemplates just how to regulate wall street reform in a paid speech to wall street bankers. regulations," clinton reportedly says. "too much is bad, too little is bad." >> she also allegedly said it was an oversimplification to blame the 2008 financial crisis on the u.s. banking system. >> then clinton reportedly suggests wall street insiders are what's needed to fix wall street, "people that know the industry better than anybody are the people who work in the industry." >> seth: you went to wall street and told them they should regulate themselves? you think billionaires
have you met your opponent? >> and you can tell them to go -- themselves. >> seth: i know, i know. he's not a billionaire. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] so look. wall street already has incredible sway over policymaking. we don't need to give them more influence. these e-mails underscore just how important it is for people like bernie sanders and elizabeth warren to keep up the pressure on hillary if she be of course it's still within the realm of possibility that trump could win if he gets his voters to the polls on election day which is -- >> november 28th. >> seth: okay, never mind. this has been "a closer look." ?? [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more from washington, d.c. and the warner theater! [ cheers and applause ]
how do they make starburst taste so juicy? they use wicked small fighter jets to shoot the juiciness into every starburst. [ pilot ] it's about to get juicy. whoo! i feel so aliii... it takes guts. [ female announcer ] starburst. unexplainably juicy. the microsoft cloud helps us stay connected. the microsoft cloud offers infinite scalability. the microsoft cloud helps our customers get up and running, anywhere in the planet. wherever there's a phone, you've got a bank, and we e cloud gave us a single platform to reach across our entire organization. it helps us communicate better. we use the microsoft cloud's advanced analytics tools to track down cybercriminals. this cloud helps transform business.
before taking his team to state for the first time... gilman: go get it, marcus. go get it. ...coach gilman used his cash rewards credit card from bank of america to earn 1% cash back everywhere, every time. at places like the batting cages. ?? [ crowd cheers ] 2% back at grocery stores and now at wholesale clubs. and 3% back on gas. which helped him give his players something extra. the cash rewards credit card from bank of america. ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
?? [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also incredibly lucky to have some great musicians joining our band this week. from the ground breaking, grammy award winning rock band living color on vocals, corey glover is here, give it up for corey.
also from living color, a true guitar hero, vernon reed is here. [ cheers and applause ] be sure to check out the latest ep from living color, "who shot ya", and also a new full-length album from the band next year. and joining us on drums, he's a fantastic player. currently holding it down with bryson tiller, thaddeus dixon is here, give it up for thaddeus. [ cheers and applause ] thaddeus has a new song out, "all about you." featuring timothy bloom and talib kweli give it up for this amazing band everybody. [ cheers and applae they have been fantastic this week. our first guest tonight was one of the guests on our very first episode of "late night." we're very honored to have him back. he's also the vice president of the united states, which is also quite an accomplishment as well. [ laughter ] please welcome back to the show our friend vice president joe biden, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ??
>> seth: welcome back. >> good to be back. >> seth: i'm so very happy to have you here. >> i'm delighted to be here. >> seth: you know, it's great to have you on television because, let's be honest, you are a pro now at television. you are. let's just look at some of the accomplishments you have. "parks and rec," nailed it, absolutely nailed it. [ cheers and applause ] "law and order: svu," nailed that. [ cheers and applause ] gave a clue on "jeopardy!" that's really exciting. [ cheers and applause ] but i thought this was all last year's stuff. but it turns out we found a tape from senator joe biden. had a cameo on "where in the world is carmen san diego." >> that's true. >> seth: we're going to show the clip. because you had a natural gift even at that young age. let's take a look. >> i understand our next urgent information is coming from ashley simms next, this is senator joe biden, what can you tell us, senator? >> greg, senate leaders have
he's in jackson hole. now make sure it's the last stop for the crook. remember the acme triangle of excellence. vigilance, dedication, and courage. i'm counting on you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: nailed it. >> i have one regret about that show. >> seth: what is the regret? >> i wish that donald trump had listened to us. we know where chechnya is, where any of these places -- you know what i mean? >> seth: yeah, if everybody had watched this show. >> he ha >> seth: now i think the television show right now everybody seems to be watching the most are the debates. and i have to ask, how much do you wish you could debate donald trump? [ cheers and applause ] >> i think he'd be too easy. i want someone like sarah palin. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, exactly. >> you know what i mean?
[ laughter ] i don't know what in the hell it would be. i mean, it's a -- you watch and it you go, that can't be happening. [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. now for you a malarkey is term you use, and i think we all enjoy when you use it. but, you know, recently donald trump said that he considers himself a blue-collar worker. >> what a bunch of malarkey. >> seth: yeah, there you go. >> i mean -- god. i -- look, i just -- he -- it's -- he has no notion -- by the way, it doesn't make him a bad guy, but he doesn' a like to be a blue-collar worker. i mean, i just -- and the way he treats -- he says like, for example, when he said, you know, well, hillary said you stiffed all those workers. when you went bankrupt. and he said, well, maybe he didn't like the quality of their work. here's the one i love the best. workers make too much money. >> seth: yeah. >> talk about making a worker blue. i tell you what, man. i mean, this guy is -- i shouldn't be -- i should be
>> seth: well, i want to ask you this question. [ cheers and applause ] >> i'm gonna get myself in trouble. >> seth: we admire your restraint. >> i should be quiet. i'd like to have him see my neighborhood. >> seth: here's the question about just the relationship and i know it must be different while you're campaigning as opposed to when you're actually in office between a president and a vice president. but he was recently saying, he said in the debate that he and vice president mike pence -- or his nominee mike pence, hadn't talked about syria, and had a different opinion about it. is that a normal thing to not >> i think mike probably asked him to say that so mike wouldn't be embarrassed. >> seth: i see. just to get it out. >> that's my guess. >> seth: hey, if anybody asks just tell them we don't talk that much. [ light laughter ] >> we don't agree very much. no, it's -- it's a frightening notion to think that the vice president and the president don't at least understand each other's position. sometimes you disagree. but, you know, it's -- the idea that you don't have any idea
[ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. on a very -- this is, you know, a serious note that i think came out of the tapes last week. you were one of the first people to point out that it was not locker room language, in fact, but it was the language of sexual assault. and someone who wrote the violence against women act, were you just -- >> absolutely. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: what did you find more stunning, the use of the language or the fact that there you called it out as? >> first of all, what i found astounding is that he would so publicly, even though it was in a -- it was even -- no matter who he was talking to, that he would acknowledge that he engaged in the textbook definition of sexual assault. he didn't say, you know, i go up and i ask. he said, i go up and grab and i can do this and i -- then i see
pageants that he -- i guess miss teen america, the teen girls, three, four, five in a room, they were getting dressed, they were naked, he walked in, he said don't worry, girls, i've seen all this, and he stood there. i mean, this is absolutely outrageous behavior. and for us to -- i've spent most of my career trying to figure out how to begin to change the culture in this country so that we treat women with respect and with dignity. and this is -- [ cheers and applaus] i really mean it. seth, i know i get fairly passionate about this issue. but my dad, everybody asks, you know, why am i feeling so strongly about this, why did i write the act, it was my mother, my sister. thank god they weren't victimized. but my dad used to say the greatest sin of all is abuse of power. and the cardinal sin of all is a man raising his hand or taking advantage of a woman.
who says, i'm a star. talk about power. i'm a billionaire. i'm a star. i'm a celebrity. so i can go in, intimidate women into allowing me to assault them and assume they're not going to say anything. that is the ultimate abuse of power. and i don't think -- and i don't understand how anyone can remotely justify that. now, i can understand -- i can't understand, actually. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. i want to ask -- [ cheers and applause ] the tenor of this campaign, obviously it feels like almost every year people say, this is the worst it's ever been. you've been doing this 30 years now -- >> thank you for saying only 30. >> seth: yeah, well, i'm trying to -- near 20 years. but you -- is it true that your first election that you won, you actually felt so bad about the fact that you defeated your opponent that it made you cry, it brought you to tears? >> well, it -- i did feel -- here's what happened.
i got elected in a year that richard nixon won over 60-some percent of the vote in my state. i ran against a really decent, decent man. he fought in world war ii. he was a three-term congressman, two-term governor, three-term senator. and he was a decent man. but i disagreed with him on the war in vietnam and a few other very important things. and what happened was, his staff around him while he was working in washington, no one took me seriously to begin with. but by the time we got to september, we had -- my sister had run an incredible campaign for me. but together -- we had 20,000 volunteers. and we knew, and everyone around him knew we were going to be more of a threat. no one ever told him. i could tell when he called to concede that he was stunned as to what happened. and i felt he was a decent man. i felt badly for him. we have this thing on thursday after the elections since 1792 where the winner and loser
goes down to the southernmost county, gets in a wagon, it's a tradition, the winner and loser, and rides through town to show that we're going to bury the hatchet, everything is okay. and so i called him, the kind of man he is, i called him on wednesday and said, senator boggs, i'm not feeling well, i don't feel well at all, so i'm not going to be there for returns day. there was silence. and he said, joe, i was proud to run every time i won. i'll be proud to ride with you even though i lost. that's how politics used to be in my state. [ cheers and applause ] but you know, i don't think there's anything wrong in recognizing the contribution, the sacrifices, the character of someone you're running against. and when a person is really a solid person, i just felt -- i did at that moment, i felt very
>> seth: well that is -- that shows your empathy which i think we need a little bit more of in politics. i'd love you to stick around because we have this great lady coming on, dr. biden. and i think you're going to really love her. so, we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] >> i love her more than she loves me. >> seth: more of joe biden as well as dr. jill biden here on "late night." ?? if you have moderate to severe rheumatoid arthritis, and you're talking to your doctor about your medication... this is humira. this is humira helping to relieve my pain and protect my joints from further damage. this is humira helping me go further. humira works for many adults. it targets and helps to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to ra symptoms.
serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. ready for a new chapter? talk to your rheumatologist. she saw the boots and fell for fall all over again. was she expecting to find the perfect designer boots at such an amazing price? no. but that's the beauty of a store full of surprises. you never know what you're gonna find, but you know you're gonna love it. ?? ?? ??
the new 2017 ford fusion is here. it's the beauty of a well-made choice. ?? initiating retrieval sequence. target acquired. dang it! ah! come on! astronauts can vote from space. every day starts better with a healthy smile. start yours with philips sonicare, the no.1 choice of dentists. compared to oral-b 7000, philips sonicare flexcare platinum removes significantly more plaque. this is the sound of sonic technology cleaning deep between teeth. hear the difference? get healthier gums in just 2 weeks vs a manual toothbrush and experience an amazing feel of clean.
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: don't be nervous. you guys are going to hit it off, i promise. >> i brought this for your little ashe. [ audience aws ] >> seth: oh my goodness, for my son ashe, thank you so much. >> it's our dog. >> seth: this is your dog? goodness. that is, that's when you know you've made it, when you have a stuffed version of your dog, congratulations. [ laughter ] so i know, i introduced you as it, last time you were on the show you mentioned you do not love the title of second lady. >> no, i don't. >> seth: and you have a title you prefer. >> yes. captain of the vice squad. >> seth: captain of the vice squad. [ cheers and applause ] and i can't imagine there's a squad people wouldn't want to be on more. and now, but you have an alternate title as well, yes? mr. vice president? >> joe: none that i can say.
>> joe: they're all endearing. >> seth: they're all endearing. >> yes, yeah. >> seth: but you can't say it. there you go. >> he's not trump. >> seth: okay, there you go. [ laughter and applause ] so this is, last time you were on the show you talked about the fact that you have continued to be a professor at a community college. >> uh-huh, yeah. >> seth: i went up to the green room to say hello to you before the show and you had a stack of papers. >> i always, always, i teach english so -- >> seth: were you actually grading papers? >> yes, yes. i have conferences tomorrow. >> seth: that's fantastic. >> joe: seth, we get off the plane in world capitals, she'll walk off thene press there carrying her bag of papers. i said, for god's sake, jill, just leave the papers for a minute. [ laughter ] you think i'm joking. she marks in the limo going in. i mean, it's like -- >> seth: i would just feel bad as a student who wrote a paper that has to compete with the fact that you're in paris or something. [ laughter ] and now, i want to talk about, you know, obviously you live this fascinating life. you are, you have a lot of sports in your life. you're a fan of sports. is it true, your granddaughter plays with president obama's daughter on the same basketball team?
team? >> yes, he does. >> seth: i'm fascinated, in what kind, what kind of coach is the president? >> he's a great coach. he's a dad, yeah. >> seth: okay, yeah. [ light laughter ] i've seen a lot of dads who aren't great coaches. i don't know. [ laughter ] >> joe: but he intimidates the refs. >> seth: he intimidates the refs. >> yeah, that's true. >> seth: he games the refs? >> joe: it's a bad call! and there's 18 secret service agents behind him with guns. [ laughter ] the guy's looking at him. and he goes, you know. i said, mr. president, barack, you know. >> seth: but i have also heard that you are, of the two of you, you are the more vocal >> i am, that's right. well, i'm a philly girl. so i support all our philly teams. [ cheers and applause ] oh, philly, good. >> seth: yeah, you never hear of, she was a shrinking violet philadelphia fan. >> no you never do. especially the hockey games. >> seth: and so you can you hear it, can you hear it, mr. vice president, from other parts of the room? >> joe: this is the god's truth. the flyers are in the playoffs. i'm downstairs having a meeting. she has the dog, the german shepherd, come down with a flyers shirt on. [ laughter ] i'm not joking.
i'm having this meeting, all of us hear, oh! people are going, what the hell is going on upstairs? [ light laughter ] i swear to god she's up watching it alone, screaming. >> no, i had the dog. [ laughter ] >> joe: no the dog was down with me, you sent him down. >> seth: the dog came down to say, i'm not, it's very aggressive up there. [ laughter ] i know i'm a german shepherd but i've never heard -- >> joe: by the way. we're at a flyers game last year, >> no, no, i don't think -- >> joe: oh, i shouldn't tell that story? >> no. [ laughter ] philly girl. >> i was a little rambunctious. >> seth: okay, got a little rambunctious. so i want to talk to you both about this. because i think it speaks to the kind of service you're going to do when this term is over. you've been a family that's been affected by cancer. you're also a military family. i want to talk about two initiatives. talk about uh, moonshot. >> okay, well, the cancer moonshot. that's, we got, got started with that because as you know our son beau died of cancer last year. so we saw what families went
so then when the president asked joe to do the cancer moonshot, we thought, what an opportunity. and so we've traveled the nation, we've traveled internationally, we've talked to doctors and survivors and scientists and researchers. and so joe's going to make a difference on this. and we're going to take ten years of progress -- >> joe: were gonna do this the rest of our lives. >> yep, yeah. >> seth: well it's quite an undertaking. we're all very lucky -- [ cheers and applause ] you've made the decision to do so. and then i also want to talk about joining forces. and we have some members of the military here in the audience tonight. can we have a round of applause? >> they are. where are they? [ cheers and applause ] can you stand up. please, stand up. >> joe: all the military stand up.
>> seth: so tell us about joining forces. >> so michelle and i, when we first got together, and she said, what are you interested in doing? and i said, i want to support military families. and she said, that's what i want to do. so we got together and we've tried to raise awareness of the resilience and the courage of our military families and just how great they are. so, you know, we've done it through education and employment and health and, so it's been all our military families. >> joe: she won't say, you know one of the things they changed? >> love you guys. >> joe: when these guys and women came home, and they had a spouse that had a license to do anything from be a plumber to be a doctor, they had to take tests in every state they moved to. >> yeah, in each state, yeah. >> joe: she and michelle got that changed. states saying, no, you're licensed in one place, you're licensed across -- >> reciprocity. >> joe: reciprocity. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that's a small thing that makes such a big difference.
>> seth: and i want to sincerely thank you both for the last eight years, and also thank you in advance for everything you plan on doing when this comes to a close, and no matter who our next vice president is, i can't imagine they'll have more fun at a state of the union than you did. [ cheers and applause ] you set the gold standard for that. please, a round of applause for vice president joe biden and the captain of the vice squad, dr. jill biden. we'll be right back with more late night. [ cheers and applause ] ?? ? ?i had to leave my happy home in exile? ?oh which way should i go?? ?home is where i want to be?
so the nest learning thermostat connects to your phone, and learns what you like, to help you save energy. and that's something everyone can appreciate. ? ? you got your mom side. ? ? a just be calm side. ? ? you got a, "i never thought i'd get married at 65" side. ? ? "hey i'm just looking" side. ? ? man, you better buy that ride, whooo! ? ? they help to know, protect and grow your many sides. ? ? yeeeahhh ?
?? >> the library of congress. the library of congress is the oldest cultural institution in the nation. but did you know it's also the place where your 8-year-old son will inevitably throw a tantrum and yell "this vacation sucks!" [ light laughter ] home to 36 million books, the library of congress doesn't contain a single swimming pool, water slide, or raft shaped like a swan. all things that your 8-year-old will scream at the top of his lungs as you look intensely at your wife and say through gritted teeth, "helen, we have to get him out of here. now." the library of congress is known for its main reading room, which you will drag your son through
stare at you and think you are bad parents who don't have a handle on your own son. as you exit the building, your son having screamed himself hoarse, you will think to yourself, yeah, maybe we did crap the bed here. maybe it was really a dumb idea to bring an 8-year-old child to washington, d.c. a place whose most exciting attraction is a white house with a man inside of it. [ light laughter ] there's no one road out there. no one surface... no one way of driving on each and every road. but there is one car that can conquer them all, the mercedes-benz c-class. five driving modes let you customize the steering, shift points, and suspension to fit the mood you're in... and the road you're on. the 2016 c-class. lease the c300 for $369 a month at your local
i'm jamie foxx for verizon, america's best network. and i'm jamie foxx for sprint-- man! here to tell you about our new unlimited plan. (buzzer) uh, you know what, that giant asterisk says otherwise, bro. yup, unlimited hd video-- (buzzer) and high quality music streaming. (buzzer) keep going... if you pay a little extra. (buzzer) and if you do what? a lot extra. there you go! i think this went well. (announcer vo) only verizon gives you the best value. without all the surprise overages and restrictions. switch now and get 20 gigs and four lines for 160. all on america's best network. follow your own sense of style... because, you want to be confident. t.j.maxx really helped us express our creative side. that's the best part. you don't know what you're going to find. i always find great deals on shoes... purses... we're a team. yeah. maxx life at t.j.maxx. apparently bud light wants to play politics.
well, that's one easy debate. miller lite. spelled different, because it's brewed different. an opening night on broadway is kind of magic. i'm beowulf boritt and i'm a broadway set designer. when i started designing a bronx tale: the musical, i came up... ...with this idea of four towers that were fire escapes... ...essentially. i'll build a little model in photoshop and add these... ...details in with a pen. i could never do that with a mac. i feel like my job is... all the blanks. this windows pc is amazing, having all of my tools... ...right at my finger tips is incredible. how do they make starburst taste so juicy? they use wicked small fighter jets to shoot the juiciness into every starburst. [ pilot ] it's about to get juicy. whoo! i feel so aliii... it takes guts. [ female announcer ] starburst. unexplainably juicy. your car insurance policy is 22 pages long.
no, only lawyers do that. so when you got rear-ended and needed a tow, your insurance company told you to look at page five on your policy. did it say "great news. you're covered!" on page five? no. it said, "blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah..." the liberty mutual app with coverage compass? makes it easy to know what you're covered for and what you're not. liberty stands with you.