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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  February 2, 2016 11:34pm-12:37am PST

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occasionally someone would look over, and you couldn't see anything, and it was just lights -- it was the most horrible place. >> the mine shaft. >> yeah, and the girls would walk out and all of the lights would be zeroed in. >> that's funny. >> tv is some of the stranger -- i remember i did -- nothing against dinah shore, but i did the dinah shore show once. >> early in your career? >> yeah, and they also ask the comic, what is your last joke so the band could play, because they are usually reading magazines or something while the comic is on. and most comics don't like to give their last line. it was usually like it was my mom. and then the band would start and you don't get the laugh. so i was on the dinah shore show, and i said i'll just say thank you very much. thank you very much.
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and he is a funny, funny guy. so i come out, and i remember the joke i said i'm originally from the united states, any united states people here tonight. and the crowd went whoo! whoo! and i said thank you, well thank you very much. [ laughter ] >> i look over, and the band leader who is like this smoking a cigarette -- bam, bam, bam. and i kept looking going like this, and he kept going -- now dinah who is looking at her notes goes come on over here jay. [ laughter ] >> i sit down, and she said that is some of the funniest material i -- she is not paying attention. nobody is paying attention. and i said at this rate i could do this show 80, 90 times a year. >> two lines thank you very much. come on and sit down.
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>> that's marvelous. you are funny. >> thanks, boss. >> we'll be right back.
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[ applause ] [ cheers and applause ] [ music ] >> here is a young man -- here is a very -- very talented actor, he is just 12 years old. he is one of the stars of the wonder years, which won an emmy for best comedy. please welcome fred savage. fred. [ cheers and applause ] [ music ] >> how are you doing fred? >> good, how are you. >> i'm fine. good to have you here. >> thank you. >> i forgot you were here once before when jay was hosting, right? >> yes. yes. that was a lot of fun. >> what is the story, you look -- >> we look alike. >> he is a very lucky guy,
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>> have you heard that before -- >> people kept telling me this kid looks just like you. and he does -- he is like the son my mother wished she had. [ laughter ] >> so how are you doing? >> great. >> yeah, the wonder years has won an emmy and a golden globes. >> yeah. >> you have went to the show -- >> i went to the golden globes and that was exciting, i got all dressed up in a tuxedo. >> did you feel lucky? >> oh, yeah, i have a lucky charm. this troll guy with red hair and you rub his hair and he is supposed to give you luck, and i brought him and we won. >> well, congratulations. when did you first start acting. >> when i was six years old. i did a pacman vitamin's commercial. >> is there a lot of dough in that? >> i don't know. my mom takes care of it. >> is that a silly question?
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accountant and fire his parents. >> i think there is something legally now where it has to go in a trust or something. >> i don't know anything about that. >> but it is put away for your school -- >> yeah, college. >> how about the show, how did that come about? >> the producer saw a clip from vice versa, which was a movie i did with judge reinhold, so they had me read for them, and then i read for the people at abc. and i got it. >> somebody said you read for somebody you really admired. >> yeah, clint eastwood. >> yeah, i met him at the golden globes and he said i really like your show. [ laughter ] >> that's pretty good. he is a nice guy. >> oh, very nice. >> now you are 12, when is the big birthday? i guess big for your age is you
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but i'm sure it won't be any different. i always looked forward when i was 11, a long time ago, i said i can't wait to be 12. it will be great. and it's like another day goes by and i just happen to get a year older. >> but there is something about the teenage years -- >> yeah, they are supposed to be a big thing. i don't know. >> i can remember when i wanted to be 16 so you could have your first car. do you think about that at your age? being able to drive an automobile? >> i start to, but then i think, oh, it's so far away. but it will be fun driving, i think. i think i will be a good driver. doesn't everybody? [ laughter ] >> you have a brother and sister. you are the oldest? >> i'm the oldest. i have a brother ben, and a sister kayla. >> how did you get along with your brother, good? >> yeah.
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>> no, i am the oldest. he is the smallest in the family. >> if i ask you a personal question, you don't have to answer. because you are 12. you are going to be 13. do you have a girlfriend at all? if i put you on the spot, you don't have to answer. >> kind of sort of have a girlfriend. >> wait a minute, what does that mean? you don't have to give any names. >> well, it's a like -- see, i think like her and i think she likes me, so it's kind a sorta. >> well, that's good. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> how can you tell if she thinks she likes you? >> well, she -- she told me. >> oh. [ laughter ] >> have you told her that you like her? >> yeah, see i got a theory, like -- >> tell me -- it's a little late, but tell me anyway.
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>> see my theory is if you like a girl, you have to tell her you like her as soon as you can. >> why is that? >> see, because if you don't then she'll -- because she might like you, so if she -- she likes you, and she thinks you don't like her because you didn't tell her, she might like another person and then start going out with him. >> oh, so you want to get that commitment right away. >> yeah, let her know. sometimes they can just say oh. >> be right up front and say i like you, that way she won't get somebody better -- >> well, she still can do that. see if the girl likes me -- >> uh-huh. >> then -- and i tell her -- because see -- [ laughter ] >> i'm getting lost here. >> no. no. that's all right. >> do you understand what i'm saying? >> no, women are not easy to discuss. and as you get older, you won't know anymore about it
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[ laughter ] >> this is an internal mystery to most men, and you should just enjoy the mystery. how about school? now you are working on the show. how do you handle your schoolwork? >> well, i -- well, i'm still enrolled in school in chicago, and they send work out to me here, and i tutor here. and he helps me with my school. >> do you have to spend a certain number of hours -- >> it's supposed to be three hours. but it's tough sometimes. i usually only get one or two. >> but it's concentrated, so you really study. >> oh, yeah, i have to believe the japanese are ahead of us. >> that's right. with one hour a day. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> what do you like? >> i like social studies. >> good for you. >> you are a nice young guy. it's nice to meet you. >> yeah.
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we're going to have a guy do
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[ applause ] i really want to show you something. karen o.: 1, 2, ready, go l-o-v-e it's a mystery all is love is love ow! ooh ooh... [howling]
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[ cheers and applause ] [ music ] >> okay. let me introduce brian gillis to you. brian -- brian gillis has been on this show before. he is going to be appearing at merlin's in santa monica, and then at a place called the magic castle all next week. please welcome, brian gillis. do you want to come along with us, fred? [ applause ] >> you sit here. >> i'll sit here. >> doc. we're going to put him here. >> do we all sit down? >> yeah, have a seat. >> no camera tricks, folks. >> you haven't seen me before? >> no. >> i could tell. you would be a lot more excited. [ laughter ] >> do you know what this is?
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>> it's a tribl, if you rub it like this, you can get two of them. put your fist right there, squeeze it real tight. slowly open up, you have both. >> oh, boy. >> squeeze them tight. put your fist right there. >> all right. let me see your left hand. put that away, we're not going to use it. you have two, i have one, shake your fist, slowly open up. you have got all three. [ applause ] >> a sitting ovation. that's good. i'm going to put this one in my pocket. >> um -- >> three. >> squeeze them real tight, jay -- >> it can't happen to me. i won't fall for any goofy trick that's for sure. [ laughter ] >> if i take one out and put it in my pocket, how many do you have left? >> if you invisibly took one
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you have? >> i think there's five. [ laughter ] >> okay your hand. 22. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> 22 sponges. >> now what practical application is there for this? [ laughter ] >> squeeze them real tight. and if i invisibly take one out and put it away, let me see. i was going to take your watch, wrong kind of watch. i took your watch before. how many? >> seventeen. >> no, there's only one. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> don't you know anything. that's good. >> don't i get to do anything. >> yeah, yeah, i need a bill,
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>> here you go, the show will be over if you wait for these guys. look at doc, i don't got no money. [ laughter ] >> there's a $5 bill. >> oh, thanks a lot. >> this is the index portion of the bill. it has the serial number on it. hold on to that. the serial number is repeated in the upper left hand corner. that is a repeat of this number, do you understand that? >> yes. >> i'll take this bill. fold it up, neatly. >> now, if somebody has a match or a cigarette lighter? >> i didn't bring it over -- oh, here we go. >> hand me three of the pink ones. >> sweet and low? equal or sweet and low? [ laughter ] >> we're going to
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that eliminates two of them. >> yes. >> tear it open. you have got the serial number -- >> you are joking about this, right? [ laughter ] >> there's no way. >> no way. oh, my god. there is a bill in here. >> it's a trick i tell ya. this is witchcraft. witchcraft. [ laughter ] >> are you putting me on. >> match the number. make sure it is the name. >> i do not believe what i'm seeing. >> it's the same number. [ applause ] >> it's a great trick, but i have got a torn $5 bill. >> well, i'm take it home and tape it together. >> that's marvelous. >> let me see your sleeve. you see this material if you push on this real hard -- little blemish there. [ laughter ] [ applause ]
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this was not set up at all. we got those from the -- >> no. do we have time to do anything else? how are we doing on time? >> two and a half minutes. >> this is not really magic. i'm going to fold it so it looks like a mouse. >> right. >> you have to use your imagination and pretend that that is a mouse. >> that looks like a mouse to me. >> does that look like a mouse? >> um, yeah. >> do you want to pet it? go like that. [ squealing ] [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> this is witchcraft. [ laughter ] >> all right. >> good. good. good.
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i have to take the joker out. >> okay. >> do you know one card from the other. >> yeah. >> what is the other? just kidding. [ laughter ] >> do you have a favorite? >> queen of clubs. >> okay. take a card out of the deck. any one. >> it's going to be the queen of clubs? >> good thinking. [ applause ] >> that's wonderful. >> that hour a day in school is paying off. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> do you have favorite card trick? >> what is it? >> my favorite card would be the two of hearts. >> two of hearts. >> just say stop. >> you may stop now. >> before i get to the end. >> all right. stop. >> two of hearts. [ applause ] >> one minute to do anything.
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on this for doc? if we do this. would you hold on to that doc? the reason we're using these cards is because they arbitrarily selected them. you have the queen of clubs and i have the two of hearts, can you remember that? >> yes. >> don't hold it real tight, your thumb is turning white. you have the queen of clubs. i have the two of hearts. without looks at them what card do you think you have? >> the queen of clubs. >> and i have the two of hearts? >> yes. >> turn them over. [ applause ] >> well, there you are. that's dynamite. brian. brian gillis. thank you, marvelous stuff.
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>> we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] >> okay. we're back. well, you fooled us all again. that's marvelous magic. kids love it, adults love it. >> some night we have got to do something. >> yeah, we were fooling around this afternoon. >> merlin's -- >> merlin's in santa monica, and all next week at the magic castle. thanks-- come back and see us again. >> thank you. >> fred nice to meet you. come back again. and jay -- i have already met you. >> and i lost five bucks. >> no deposit no return. [ laughter ] >> jay is going to be all over the country this week. >> all over the country this week. >> good night.
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[ music ] >> i'm humbled by that applause. come and knock on our door we've been waitin' for you we've been waitin' for you where the kisses are hers and hers and his three's company, too come and dance on our floor come and dance on our floor take a step that is new take a step that is new we've a lovable space that needs your face three's company, too you'll see that life is a ball again laughter is callin' for you down at our rendezvous down at our rendezvous
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i don't believe that man. terri: who? phillip, that's who. what's wrong, janet? he doesn't want to have a church wedding. so? so? terri, do you know what that means? he's jewish? no, terri. it means that we are not getting married. what...? why? because, jack, that's what i've always dreamed about-- a church wedding... with organ music and flower girls and me wearing this long, white wedding gown. and phil doesn't want that? well, he found out it would take months to reserve the church
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that little devil. please, this is serious. janet... is a church wedding that important to you? important? jack, i have waited so long for this. longer than most. janet, janet... let me ask you something. do you really love phillip? of course i love him. then what difference does it make where you get married? you're lucky enough to find someone you love. the important thing is that you're together, isn't it? yes, but... jack... terri... well, it just doesn't feel right getting married by some clerk in city hall! it doesn't have to be city hall. that's right. hey, listen-- you and phillip could get married right here. y-you mean in our apartment? why not?
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flowers, decorations and everything. we could even invite phillip! what the heck. oh, i love it. i-i do. it sounds great. i'll go ask phillip and see if he likes the idea. if he doesn't, we'll get someone else. not for me, you won't. you know anything about putting on a wedding? ( doorbell rings ) that's her. hi. hi, vicky. come on in. is my father here yet? no, not yet. good. ooh, very good. hold it. your dad will be here any minute. you're right. i'd better go change. where can i...? right in there. okay. and, jack... don't worry about my father. you'll do fine. hey, who's worried? come on. he's coming to see me. this is my ball park, so what's to worry?
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hello, uh, mr. bradford. nice to see you. would you please, uh... please come in? thank you. won't you sit down? thank you. uh, sir, i think you might be... a touch more comfortable over there. thank you. i wonder what's keeping my daughter. oh, she's in my bedroom. uh, getting, getting... getting dressed... changed out of her uniform and into something more c... uh, would you like some wine? thank you. none for me. my ulcer. i didn't know you had an ulcer. came on suddenly about two weeks ago. gee, that's about the time vicky and i
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look, mr. bradford i-i realize that we didn't exactly hit it off the first... ( sarcastic laugh ) i just thought maybe we could, you know, start over. well, i suppose i could try for victoria's sake. good. well, i think th-that... you know, my daughter means a lot to me. i was both mother and father to her since she was an infant. boy, you must have had a tremendous clothing bill. to say nothing of the wig on... mother... sorry. no... no, that was very amusing. thank you. as i was saying...
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well, i thought vicky was an only child. i meant between her and her mother. she left me, you know. well, you know, kids do grow up. i meant her mother. i always had such high hopes for victoria. ah, well... uh, sir... sir, i really don't think vicky's doing too badly. no, i mean with her job. oh. oh, you mean because of the promotion they offered her. what promotion? she didn't tell you? no. oh, well... it's not important now. she's going to turn it down. too bad, though. she's been working so hard for it these past two years. then why is she going to turn it down? it would mean moving to houston
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us. well, why didn't she say anything? i guess she didn't want to make you feel... guilty. oh... you must have more on the ball than i thought to make her give up something that she wanted... so badly. hi, dad. darling... how are you? i'm just fine. has jack been entertaining you? no. excuse me, why didn't... why didn't you mention anything to me about that job offer in houston? 'cause it wasn't important. i'm going to turn it down. well, shouldn't you at least... consider it? i already did. and...? and i'm going to turn it down. oh. are-are... are you sure, though, you're doing the right thing?
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well, n-n... y-y... i-i just... i mean, you should do what's right for you. but, jack, if i move to houston we'll never see each other. we'd still have weekends and holidays. weekends and holidays? you know, we really don't see that much of each other as it is. you're flying around all the time. i work all hours. what i'm trying to say is i want you to do what's best for you. i will. dad, could you give me a lift home? now? wait a minute. i'm sorry. i didn't realize how tired i was. well, we... shall we? vicky... thank you for a very pleasant evening, jack. vicky... hey, listen, i-i'll call you tomorrow, okay? okay. but if i'm not home... i'll call you. terri! ja... oh, excuse me. i talked to phillip and we're going to do it. hi, vicky. we're going to get...
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i hope i'm not interrupting anything. no, no, janet. it's okay. i was just leaving. good night. jack... what happened? nothing. well, it's so early. where's vicky going?
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furley: hurry up! this thing is heavy! oh, good, the organ. where do you want us to put it? this thing is heavy. any place, for now. okay. ( grunts ) will you put it down?!
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you said put it down. but not on my foot! pick it up! ahh! mr. furley, larry would you just put it over there, please? okay, okay. come on. ( grunting ) now, now, now. now, larry, i want you to run out and pick up the flowers paper napkins and plates. cinderella, cinderella, all i hear is cinderella. well, i understand janet's parents can't come out for the wedding. yeah, janet and phil are going to fly back and see them afterwards. who's going to give the bride away? i am. you? then who's going to be the flower girl?
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wait a minute. hmm? if janet's mother isn't going to be here who's going to talk to janet about... what every young bride should know? mr. furley, i wouldn't worry... where is janet? in her bedroom. excuse me. come in! oh, hi, mr. furley. hello, janet. janet, i think it's time that you and i had a little talk. okay. what about? well, about men and women. what goes on between them... when they're married. oh, mr. furley... now, come on, no questions. i'm going to cover everything. now, janet, we are living in the eighties so i think we can be perfectly frank.
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so do women. they do? of course they do, mr. furley. women are every bit as warm and passionate as men. they are? yes! then why do they always act like they're doing me a favor? jack, do you think we need something else over the door? did you say something? i said, "why don't you just call vicky and get it over with?" why doesn't she call me? good question. call her and ask her. terri, please i'd like to do this my own way. is that all right? oh, jack, i hate to see you moping around like this. this is janet's wedding day. yeah, you're right, terri. on a day as important as this i'm not going to let some girl make me miserable. i'm in pain.
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but i don't want you to start the wedding march until i cue you, miss kennell, all right? oh, i just love weddings, don't you? do you like watching train wrecks, too? ( doorbell rings ) hey, everybody i bet that's the bridegroom. look at this here! hey, phillip! howdy. hiya, jack. it's the big day, huh? you got it. this is my best man, tony williams. welcome. thank you. i'll go tell janet you're here. okay, great. who is it? it's me. can i come in? yes. yes! terri, make sure it's straight across the bottom... what's the matter? oh, janet, you look so beautiful. oh, jack tripper if you make me cry, i'm going to kill you. i wanted to tell you phillip's out there. oh, then i'm not going to kill you. oh! are you happy, janet?
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but i'd be even happier if vicky was here. so would i. the minister's here! are you ready?! mr. furley, just a few minutes. right. jack, terri... how many minutes, two, three? mr. furley! take as long as you want. janet, janet, you were saying? oh, well, i just wanted to tell the two of you ( voice breaking ): that you guys are the very best friends... i... i just wanted to say how much you mean to me. janet? yes, terri? shut up and get married. ( gasps ): is she ready? is she ready? she's ready. she's ready! get ready, everybody!
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( playing "the wedding march" ) ( playing "here comes the bride" ) ( phone rings ) not now! the wedding's about to start! ( "here comes the bride" resumes ) ( doorbell rings ) listen, we're having a... vicky! jack, we've got to talk. i'm sorry. i didn't know. i'll come back.
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just a second. mrs. kennell, take five. oh, my god! i walked in on janet's wedding! it's all right. it's all right. oh, no, i shouldn't have come here. why did you? to find out why you're trying to get rid of me. get rid of you? yes, i thought we meant something to each other. we do! then, why do you want me to take that job in houston? i don't want to stand in your way. i know how much that job means to you. where did you hear that? from your father. oh, i should have known. oh, jack, that job means nothing to me. but you do. oh, vicky. so... tell me what my dear, sweet father said. he told me...
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psst, larry! where's jack? he's supposed to give me away. he's in the kitchen with vicky. she's, she's here? yeah, but i don't think jack is doing too well. larry, this has just gone far enough. nobody sees me! boy, you know, that was low. that was really low. oh, stop that! listen, you two... jack, i know that you are crazy about vicky... janet, wait. shh! and, vicky, i know that you're crazy about jack. janet, listen... no, you listen. now, i want you two to stop acting like a couple of silly kids. and i want you to make up and i want you to do it right now. go on. well, what do you think? i guess we better do what she says.
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now, that's more like it. janet, what are you doing standing around? you're supposed to be getting married! come on! oh, my god!
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dearly beloved we are gathered here today in the sight of god to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony. who gives this woman to be wed to this man? well, normally, it would be janet's father but since he's not here... just say, "i do." i do. the success of a marriage is not just the responsibility of the husband and wife but all those who love and are near to them. this marriage should not mean the end of old friendships. rather than losing one another you should feel more tightly bound than ever sharing the joy and happiness. do you, phillip, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife to love, honor and cherish, for richer or poorer so long as you both shall live? i do.
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to be your lawfully wedded husband to love, honor and cherish, for richer or poorer so long as you shall live? ( voice breaking ): i do. may i have the ring, please? place this on the third finger of her left hand and repeat after me: with this ring, i thee wed. with this ring, i thee wed. by the power vested in me by god and the state of california i now pronounce you husband and wife. you may kiss the bride. thanks. you take good care of her now. janet, oh, god! oh, mr. furley! oh, janet, i'm so happy! oh, thank you.
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oh, janet, i'm sorry i almost spoiled your wedding. oh, no, vicky. your coming here today was the best present i could have gotten. oh! oh! janet. larry. what can i say? mmmm! wow, you know that's the first time you ever kissed me? and the last. i hope you two are very happy. you deserve it, princess. ( voice breaking ); oh, thank you, larry. all right, everybody's invited down to my place for refreshments! janet, wait! what, honey? haven't you forgotten something? what? oh, my! you're right! oh, janet's going to throw the bridal bouquet. ( chuckles ): let her rip! okay. one...
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three! ( all exclaiming ) furley: all right, let's go down to my apartamento! come on! what do you know? ( door shuts ) god, i missed you so much these last few days. oh, i missed you, too. come here. vicky, will you... marry me? no.
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[captioned by the caption center wgbh educational foundation] come and knock on our door come and knock on our door we've been waitin' for you we've been waitin' for you where the kisses are hers and hers and his three's company, too. come and dance on our floor come and dance on our floor take a step that is new take a step that is new we've a lovable space that needs your face three's company, too you'll see that life is a ball again laughter is callin' for you down at our rendezvous down at our rendezvous
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i missed you so much these last few days. oh, missed you, too. and i'll never let you out of my sight again. please don't. vicky, will you... marry me? no. "no"? "no"? wh-what do you mean, no? i don't want to get married. vicky, you just said that you wanted to be with me.
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i-i don't understand. if we're not married, how can we...? we can live together. live together? yes. oh. well, uh... i gue... what have you got against marriage? it scares me. why? because i lived through my parents' marriage. and their divorce. i used to lie awake listening to them fight. hey, lots of married people have fights. not like theirs. i don't know which was worse-- when they argued or when they didn't talk at all. i used to cry myself to sleep every night. hey, come on, that was... that was a long time ago. i still have nightmares about it. vicky, it won't be like that with us. we're in love.
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until they got married. i don't know what to say. say that we can live together. vicky, i have a little trouble with that. we'll be together because we want to not because we have to. i know, vicky, but it's just me. i-i-i can't do that. why not? why not?! you just can't say it, can you? say what? that deep down you're just an old-fashioned guy. old-fashioned? me? that's a laugh. is that what i am? mm-hmm. well, if we got married, you could cure me. oh, jack, i love you very much. but i can't marry you. and i can't...
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well, i'd better get down to the... party. oh...! ( stuttering frantically ) oh, my god! i'm too late! stay calm. what are you doing here? there is no reason to panic. you didn't know what you were doing. we'll have it annulled. what are you talking about? don't play games with me, victoria. when i called, they told me about the wedding. wedding? this. dad, that was one of jack's friends who got married. then... you're not...? no. oh, how nice. you've just done wonders for my ulcer. i feel so much better. oh, dad.
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jack and i just broke up.
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