tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC January 20, 2016 11:34pm-12:37am PST
selected in the summer of 2017. >> good place to do [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- dakota johnson, marlon wayans, musical guest stephen bishop, and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 404, a-t-l! >> steve: and now, here he is,
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness! that's what you want in a a crowd. that's how you do it. [ cheers and applause ] they're showing you how to do it. giving the best example. welcome, everybody. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." this is it. [ cheers and applause ] this the real thing. this is not a phony. this is the real thing. welcome, everybody. thank you for being here. a hot crowd. it's gonna be a fun show tonight. first, here's what everyone's talking about. obviously the big story is that yesterday in iowa, sarah palin gave a 20 minute speech to endorse donald trump for president while trump stood off to the side. [ laughter ] palin described trump as a a great leader, while trump described being quiet for 20 minutes the most painful experience of his life. [ laughter and applause ] [ as trump ] huge. wall. huge wall. [ laughter ]
that's right. at a rally in iowa, sarah palin gave a 20 minute long speech to endorse donald trump for president. at least i think she was dorsing donald trump. listen. >> the selfie sticks, then the greet columns and all that hopey changey stuff. you with the hands that rock the cradle. right wingin', bitter clingin', proud clingers. only one candidate's record of success proves he is the master of the art of the deal. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: what? >> jimmy: what? >> steve: selfie stick? what? >> jimmy: what's interesting is that in 100 years, students will have to memorize that speech. [ laughter ] if you watch trump during that speech, you can actually hear what he's thinking watch again. watch. >> he is the master at the art of the deal. [ cheers ] he is one who would know -- [ as trump ] >> i wonder why she keeps saying dill. [ laughter ] art of the dill. does she think i'm a pickle king of new york? [ laughter ] >> art of the deal. >> there, she said it again. that's actually making me hungry for pickles, which
really are fantastic. of all the preserved vegetables, the pickle really is the best. [ laughter ] but also reminds me of my favorite digital underground song, "the humpty dance." my nose is big but i'm not ashamed big like a pickle i'm still gettin' paid [ laughter ] i like the idea of someone getting paid for having a big nose. that's someone who's thinking. >> you deserve the best. >> oh, god it happened. the humpty dance is your king do the hump [ laughter ] oh do the trumpy trump [ applause ] >> jimmy: do the trumpy trump. >> steve: trumpy trump. >> jimmy: do the trumpy trump. all right, stop what you're doing. yeah. i wouldn't have pegged him for a "humpty dance" fan, but he is, man. meanwhile, at a recent town hall event in new hampshire, jeb bush says he loves his mother more than his dad. [ audience ohs ] while his dad says he loves winners more than people at 4% in the race for president. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: really? >> jimmy: come on, man. that's -- >> steve: wow. meow. >> jimmy: that's harsh. >> steve: harsh. >> jimmy: that's harsh. yeah. >> jimmy: this is embarrassing. jeb bush was talking about the obama's yesterday and mispronounced their daughter malia's name.
he said, it sounds like he said "malala." [ laughter ] then his brother george was like -- [ as george w. bush ] "looks like the student has become the mustard." [ laughter and applause ] over on the democratic side, bill clinton has begun making solo appearances to campaign for hillary. and a lot of people are wondering if he will help or hurt the campaign. i could see both sides to the issue. check this out. bill clinton could help hillary's chances by passing along hillary's message. he could hurt hillary's chances by passing along thousands of messages hillary thought she deleted. you see. you see what i'm saying? >> steve: could, yeah. >> jimmy: hurt or -- >> steve: that would hurt. >> jimmy: yeah. well, here's another one. bill clinton could help hillary's chances by helping the party. he could hurt hillary's chances by not realizing what kind of keys into a bowl. [ laughter and applause ] and finally, bill clinton could help hillary's chances by reminding americans of the success of his presidency. he could hurt hillary's chances by reminding americans of his sex excess of his presidency. [ laughter and applause ] this is -- no.
confusing. you see what i'm saying? >> steve: i see. >> jimmy: i don't even -- no. >> steve: very close. >> jimmy: oh, this made be laugh here. president obama gave an interview on youtube this week where he showed what he carries with him in his pockets. and it's a lot more than you might think. take a look. this is real. >> this is what i had in my pocket today. this is rosary beads that pope francis gave me. this is a little buddha that a a buddhist monk gave me. this is a hindu little statuette of the monkey god, hanuman. and i've got a coptic cross, this is from ethiopia. this is a lucky poker chip that this biker gave me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is he a president or a monopoly board? [ laughter and applause ] [ as obama ] this is a wheelbarrow. this is a thimble, here. oh, this is a little race car, here. it goes right here. you don't get 200 if you don't pass go. >> steve: here's a lead pipe from clue.
study found that the amount of manmade heat that's absorbed by the ocean has doubled since 1997. main source of heat, that kid who's waist deep at the beach with that weird smile on his face. [ laughter ] it's like, "what are you doing, tommy?" "nothing." [ applause ] we have a great show. give it up for the roots, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. hey. it's been a great week so far. but there's more ahead. tomorrow night, sarah silverman will be here. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the presidential candidate marco rubio will be here. [ cheers and applause ] then on friday, we have jeff daniels, youtube star lilly singh, music from st. lucia, and thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] that's our hot week. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: but first, we have a a great show tonight. we love her so much.
from the hilarious new movie "how to be single", the lovely, the talented dakota johnson is here tonight. >> steve: oh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: she's great in the movie. it's a good one. good movie. joining us tonight also. he's great every time he's here. from the new film "fifty shades of black." [ laughter ] all we did is show the poster last night and we got a giant laugh. >> steve: yeah, that's it. >> jimmy: it's the movie, it holds up. marlon wayans is stopping by. >> steve: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: marlon wayans, a a funny human being. plus, he has a new album called "be here then." and tonight, he has an incredible music performance planned for us. stephen bishop is here tonight. >> steve: woah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is -- i asked him to do me a favor and just play one of his old hits, a a classic. this is -- and you're telling me it might be you >> jimmy: i think it's one of the most romantic songs i've ever heard, ever. >> steve: yeah, ever. >> jimmy: i remember i put it on a playlist when i was just
dating my wife, then. [ audience aws ] i put it on the playlist. [ laughter ] but i don't even remember really doing it. but i guess i did because it's and i put it on. and she said that was the first day that i called her my girlfriend to people. [ audience aws ] i think it's a big deal for girls. [ laughter ] >> steve: apparently. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: you didn't realize that? >> jimmy: no, i didn't realize. i was just say, oh, this is my girlfriend, nancy. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: she's like -- [ laughter ] i remembered. i was like, that's how she talks. that's how she talks. >> steve: this is my -- yeah. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh! >> steve: woah! hey, guess what?! jimmy just called me -- >> jimmy: she has the voice of goofy. [ laughter ] whatever, i don't want to get into it. >> steve: she was a voice over -- first. >> jimmy: she's a very successful voice-over artist. [ laughter ] >> steve: why! >> jimmy: but anyways, what we're doing tonight is so cool and creative and fun. and if you have someone you love, get them together and watch the show tonight. and i think you're really, really gonna enjoy it. stephen bishop once again is here tonight. >> steve: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] pre-valentine's. >> jimmy: yeah. guys, as you know, we're always
striving to get better here at "the tonight show." harder better faster stronger [ laughter ] before every show, we put out an audience suggestion box, a a "sugg box," right. we want to get some feedback from the audience. we want to know what you guys think of the show. things you like to see us to do. that kind of stuff. so tonight, let's look inside the audience suggestion box. here we go. [ cheers and applause ] look into the box to the suggestion box >> jimmy: i appreciate you guys sending us these suggestions. they're always great, and they help us out for our show. "hey, jimmy," this is from steve hyden. "hey jimmy, have you heard of these things called bernie lists? this is where you do your best bernie sanders impression and it's really fun. you should do it on your show." [ light laughter ] that does sound like fun. can i just get into the bernie character here? can i see a quick video of him. >> the top 1% have never, ever had it so good. >> jimmy: i think i got one. i'll start it off. [ as bernie ]
zombie, shampoo, clavicle, giant donut. [ laughter and applause ] tariq. tariq, you wanna try one? >> tariq: yeah, yeah. i'll give it a try. >> jimmy: all right. >> tariq: jigsaw puzzle, cuisinart, spaceship, belly button. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: belly button. questlove, you wanna give it a a try? >> questlove: sure, sure, sure. bacon, keanu reeves, teeter-totter, male pattern baldness. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: teeter-totter. happy birthday, by the way, questlove. >> questlove: thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this one's from myra cohen. hey jimmy, one of my new year's resolutions was to get in shape, but there are so many personal trainers out there,
it's hard to tell who's the real deal. can you help?" i know what you mean. it can get pretty confusing. so right now, i thought we could bring out a real trainer and a fake trainer and see if it's possible to tell the difference between the two. come on out, guys. [ cheers and applause ] all right. okay. first off, guys, what are your names? >> i'm david kirsch. >> and i'm barry bibbet. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: barry bibbet. all right, let's see. what's a good breakfast to have to start off the day? >> i like to start a day with carbs and lean protein. that gives me energy throughout the day. >> i usually just wake up at an ihop and say "surprise me." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wake up -- still not sure. what is your favorite exercise
move? >> personally, i love lunges. they're great for your legs and really great for your glutes. >> i like stretching because you're not really doing much, and it's easy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm still having a a little trouble deciding who's the real trainer. let's see. do you guys have any books that you've written about physical fitness? >> actually jimmy, i have a new book called "ultimate family wellness. the importance of maintaining a a healthy lifestyle as a a family." >> jimmy: okay. >> i got a book called "exhibition and practical goatkeeping" by joan shields. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not a fitness book. you see? >> hey, don't judge a book by its cover, james. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. well, then what is the book about? >> it's about exhibition in practical goatkeeping. >> jimmy: all right. yeah. >> smoke bomb! >> jimmy: all right. very nice. you guys -- [ laughter ]
it's obvious now. ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the real trainer, david kirsch, right there, obviously. [ cheers and applause ] i appreciate you being here. thank you for being here. it's good to see you. thank you for being here. bibby -- bibby. bibby, get lost, buddy. >> bite me, dweeb. >> jimmy: all right. take care, bibby. thank you, buddy. good to see you. bobby bibby, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] bobby bibby. what was his name? thanks to david kirsch. by the way, everybody in the audience is getting one of these books, "ultimate family wellness." [ cheers and applause ] let's try another suggestion. this one comes from shane morky. "hey, jimmy, i've been having this crazy recurring dream about george washington wearing a backwards and upside down visor. and in the dream, he's ice skating while playing the guitar riff from "every morning" by sugar ray. [ laughter ] at one point, he does a "borat" impression. what do you think that all means? i don't know what that means.
[ laughter ] but it does remind me of something i saw down at the ice rink at 30 rock this morning on the way into work. i have a camera on my head always when i get in to work. [ laughter ] so i remember what i have seen. can we just take a look at that footage, because this is real. >> jagsiemach. my name a borat. [ applause ] >> jimmy: not bad. i mean, that did happen, right? it's real. oh, one more from the old sugg box here. this last one comes from mark schesh. [ laughter ] we love the schesh's here at "the tonight show." they always come to all the shows. "hey, jimmy, it's the end of the nfl season, but it's the beginning of a new season of "pretty little liars." you should do something that combines the two." you're absolutely right. we should do that. ladies and gentlemen, here to
little liars," please welcome the quarterback from the new york jets, ryan fitzpatrick, ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ] and the cornerback from the new york giants, prince amukamara! [ cheers and applause ] thank you. thank you for doing this, guys. i appreciate this. prince, who will you be playing? >> i'll be playing the role of alison, the "it girl," rosewood's teen social circle. [ laughter ] >> and i'll be playing the role of spencer. she's alison's rich and competitive best friend. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, guys. thank you again for doing this. whenever you're ready, take it away. [ laughter ]
[ laughter ] >> what the hell are you doing? >> she's going to find out. >> no, she's not. >> i promise you, she is. because if you don't tell her, i will. >> i thought you were my friend. >> don't you get -- don't you get it? [ laughter ] i'm trying to help you do the right thing. >> it was one kiss. listen to me, alison. [ laughter ] >> or what? >> if you say one word to my sister about ian, i will tell everyone the truth about the jenna thing. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
and scene. >> jimmy: oh, that's fantastic. thank you so much for doing that. thank you very much. i appreciate it. give it up for ryan fitzpatrick and prince amukamara, everybody! that's all the time we have for "audience suggestion box." stick around, we'll be right back with dakota johnson, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] performance... ...reimagined. style... ...reinvented. sophistication... ...redefined. introducing the all-new lexus rx and rx hybrid. agile handling. available 12.3-inch navigation screen and panorama glass roof. never has luxury been this expressive. this is the pursuit of perfection.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest, oh, we love her. she's a talented actress who stars alongside rebel wilson in the new comedy, "how to be single," which is in theaters valentine's weekend, february 12th. please welcome dakota johnson, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i like this. >> i already ruined it. >> jimmy: i was doing three. i thought we were going with
three kisses. >> i know and i forgot. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. i like the dance on the way in, though. that was good. >> i know. i don't know what happened. >> jimmy: it's kind of like a a shrugging dance. like you're no sure -- like, i don't know. i don't know. >> i didn't know what was going on. >> jimmy: i don't know. i don't know. maybe. i don't know. >> happy birthday. >> jimmy: oh, happy birthday to questlove. yeah, you look gorgeous. welcome back to "the tonight show." >> thank you. >> jimmy: thank you for being here. >> thank you for having me. >> jimmy: we love when you come on, because it's always fun and we laugh a lot. last time, you laughed. but you started crying. yeah. [ light laughter ] it was very interesting, yeah, because it's starting to happen now. >> well, i am an actress, you know? so i don't know. >> jimmy: you were acting. >> i think it's 'cause -- i think i might be in love with you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that right? yeah, this happens a lot on the show. >> does it? >> jimmy: this happened with danny devito last week. [ laughter ] and it was awkward. and it was awkward. but it happens. we have therapists that are waiting for you when you leave. >> i just see you and i start -- i start laughing and then i start crying. >> jimmy: i have the same relationship with my wife. [ laughter ]
>> the last time i can remember i was laughing so much that i cried, aside from just now, was during filming this movie "how to be single." me and my friend would play a a game called, it doesn't have a name, but -- >> jimmy: that's always fun. hey, you want to play -- yeah, i love that game. it's almost as fun as -- yeah. [ light laughter ] >> basically -- no, we were traveling a lot, so we would collect a bunch of business cards from people, and then, like, it's like business card roulette. and you throw them up in the air and you pick one and you have to prank call the person. >> jimmy: uh-huh. oh, really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, so just random business cards. you call them up. what would you say? >> or you can do it with facetime on your phone. like in your phone book. >> jimmy: what does that mean? >> which is really interesting. >> jimmy: explain that to me. >> depending on the contents of your phone book. >> jimmy: i look at my contact list. i flip it randomly. >> facetime. >> jimmy: just facetime whoever my finger lands on? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: okay. >> i did that with my friend
kathy griffin. and she answered. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wait, i'm so sorry. you were playing with kathy griffin? >> no, i was with my friend aubrey plaza. who is pretty brilliant. >> jimmy: yeah, we love aubrey plaza. >> we were at one of our best friend's bachelor parties and we decided to facetime. >> jimmy: so then you just facetimed randomly kathy griffin? and she answered? and what did you do? >> we talked. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sounds like a fun game, yeah. did you get along? she's a funny person. >> she was really funny. >> jimmy: yeah. but did she -- that must be fun. aubrey must have a bunch of comedians. she's not in "how to be single" right? aubrey's not in it. >> no. >> jimmy: no. it's rebel wilson and leslie mann. >> and alison brie. >> jimmy: alison brie is in it as well. it's a funny movie. it's perfect to go see if you have a date or if don't have a a date. it's different people talking about how to be single. >> yeah. >> jimmy: either people who don't have dates or people that are just married or getting a a divorce or single. >> it's a bunch of single women trying to figure out how to be
single. >> jimmy: yeah. perfect. [ light laughter ] i think we got it from the title, yeah. [ light laughter ] i want to show everybody a a clip. you can laugh, you can cry. here's dakota johnson and rebel wilson in "how to be single." take a look at this. don't cry. >> you didn't buy the drinks. boys buy the drinks. it's kind of like a sexual currency that they use so they're not actually paying you to hook up. so, go get us a drink. not with this wallet. with the sausage wallet. [ talking over each other ] >> hey, what's up, y'all? i don't know why i just said y'all. "you all" would have taken just as much time. and i'm not even from the south. i'm from portland, which is southern from canada. are y'all canadian? i just did it again. i said it again. oh, my god. okay, bye. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on, y'all. why did you say y'all? we don't know. more with dakota johnson when we come back, y'all.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. we're here with the lovely dakota johnson, star of "how to be single." [ cheers and applause ] which is in theaters valentine's day weekend. everywhere, february 12th. dakota, you were telling me about this game that you play with your friends. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and it's a new game you want to teach me. we're always down for a new game we can all play. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, and what is the name of this game? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: okay, none of your games have names. >> not a real name. it's called "the acting game." >> jimmy: okay. "acting game." >> basically, "the acting game," because well, i only played it once. just so you know. >> jimmy: okay. was it fun? >> it was over the holidays with my family and some friends. >> jimmy: it involves a phone. >> basically, you get a fake scenario and you have to answer
also, this phone matches my dress. >> jimmy: perfectly. >> so, i was supposed to be here tonight. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: at&t made my dress tonight, so i want to thank everyone there. >> at&t also made this phone. >> jimmy: at&t. they also make the phone accessory. this is a handbag. [ laughter ] so you're going out with your friends, and they're like, "oh, what's going on? hold on, let me get a little lip balm. sorry." it is a beautiful dress. who makes the dress? >> gucci. >> jimmy: i don't know. all right, here's the deal. what are the rules -- >> gucci made the phone, too, by the way. >> jimmy: what is this game? how does it go again? so i'm going to read a a scenario. >> okay. >> jimmy: or a scenario, however you say it at home. that's half the fun of the game. saying scenario, scenario. and then you answer the phone, reacting to what happens. >> okay, yeah. >> jimmy: ready? and i'll say ring, ring after i say the scenario. >> okay. >> jimmy: it's your fianc\,
darth vader, calling to tell you he's leaving you for another woman. >> okay. >> jimmy: ring, ring. ring, ringt. >> hello? hi, babe. [ light laughter ] did you just wake up? [ laughter ] oh. you're -- where are you? who the [ bleep ] -- [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: hang up the phone. hang up the phone. hang up the phone. [ cheers and applause ] i can see where this game -- yeah, a little adult game. it's an adult game. all right, let's switch. you read the scenario. i will answer the phone. >> okay. okay, i'm going to say "ring ring" when i'm done. >> jimmy: just stick to those
[ laughter ] >> okay. you're a famous chef, and someone from your kitchen calls timidly asking for your special turkey stuffing recipe which they've lost again. >> jimmy: special turkey recipe? what? >> turkey stuffing recipe. >> jimmy: turkey stuffing recipe, okay. i'm a famous chef. okay, okay. [ laughter ] [ french accent ] the phone has not rung all night. i can't believe no one is calling me at all. this is a great party. i'm having a great time. >> wait. okay. [ french accent ] >> jimmy: but, quick, we have to get to table number 53. or else we don't do fancy -- >> do do do do doodle-loo. do do do do do do. [ laughter ] [ french accent ] >> jimmy: be quiet everyone. i think there's something happening. >> do do do do doodle-loo. do do do do do do. [ french accent ] >> jimmy: is someone playing a a video game or something? [ light laughter ] hold on. this is my ring tone. it's "the hustle." do the hustle do do do do do do do [ laughter ] hold on. hello. it is me, jacques, speaking. yes.
sacrebleu. sacrebleu. i have to do table 53. you want to call me for turkey stuffing. you take a celery. shove it up the turkey butt. [ laughter ] you take -- [ middle-eastern accent ] now i'm middle eastern. i'm middle eastern now! [ light laughter ] you take that -- you take that potato, you shove it up turkey's butt. what you want from me? what do you want from me, my friend? you shove it up the turkey's butt. [ gibberish ] sacrebleu! good-bye! table 53, get on that, right now. [ cheers and applause ] table 53! >> that was better than mine. >> jimmy: it was lame. >> it was better. >> jimmy: very lame. you said it nicely. all right, here we go. last one here. ready for this? >> yes. >> jimmy: dakota? >> yes. >> jimmy: you're about to get a a call with news that you've been rejected from clown school. this is your one shot to convince them to change their minds. >> okay. ring ring. i know when that hotline bling
that can only mean one thing where's mine -- >> jimmy: ring, ring! >> hello? oh, yes, this is bubbles. [ laughter ] um, wait, what? no, no. but -- why? [ laughter ] what's the reason? because i couldn't do the balloon dog? really? what am i going to tell my dad? what am i -- what am i going to tell my dad? yes, he's big laughs. my dad is big laughs. i'm bubbles. what am i going to do? >> jimmy: his name is big laughs? >> yes, my dad. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry, you got the job now. i'll see you in clown school. >> okay. >> jimmy: just kidding. i'm a clown. good-bye. i love you. [ laughter ] dakota johnson, everybody. that's the acting game. [ cheers and applause ]
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a a very talented comedian and actor who co-wrote and stars in the new comedy film "fifty shades of black." which hits theaters friday, january 29th. please welcome back to our show marlon wayans, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: marlon, we love having you on the show. >> i love being here. hey, happy birthday, quest. come here. >> questlove: thank you, bro. >> happy birthday, quest. give me some love. come here.
happy birthday, quest. >> jimmy: do you remember the last time you were here? >> you better shave the afro though soon. 'cause when it starts getting gray, you're going to look like cornel west. [ laughter ] >> questlove: cornel quest. >> jimmy: cornel quest. the last time you were here, we talked about the roots. you said that if you look at them, it's like every different style haircut you can have at the barber. [ laughter ] if you go to a barbershop, it's every different style haircut you can have. >> i talk about so many people, i forgot what i said. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: well we talk about -- >> it's just a damn shame at this point. >> jimmy: we thought it'd be fun to make you a nice sign, so we got you a "tonight show" hairstyles. this is every -- you can hang this up. [ cheers and applause ] we have the higgins, the kirk, the questlove, and the james right there. that's for you. you can take that. i think that's for you. that's for you. >> you go to the barbershop, point to what you want on the wall. i'll take the questlove, please. [ laughter ] i'll take the marcus. that's hilarious. >> jimmy: welcome. thank you again for coming back. it's always good to see you.
>> i love being here. it's just too cold in new york right now. >> jimmy: it's freezing here. >> oh, it is black winter. this is the weather -- [ laughter ] this is the weather where brothers stop coming outside. we start getting ashy in weird places. [ laughter and applause ] look at the brother next to you. i got all the roots right now, this right here gets real ashy. i don't know what part of the hand this is. [ laughter ] but it looks like spider-man hit you with a little web. [ laughter ] and it's cold, cold. because girls in new york, in the summer time, they're all cute. out here, you get the cold, they all go this face -- "oh, damn, it's cold out here!" [ laughter ] girls stop shaving. women like to be pristine. they're like, uh-uh, that's insulation. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not true. no way. >> no, it's true. i'm dead serious. >> jimmy: it's cold. >> and that's everywhere. it's like all the waxing stops. you know, normally i got the little chaplain thing or the little air strip. no, when it get cold, everybody
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: give me back that sign. hairstyles. for up here. hey -- [ laughter ] >> i would much rather be here in the winter than the summer, because summer in new york, yeah, i can't take the humidity man. it just feels like there's just a fat person on your back -- [ laughter ] just breathing on you and saying all h words. "hey harold. [ laughter ] how's heather, huh?" [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: how's heather? well, i gotta say, last time you were here, you showed us just a poster. >> yes. >> jimmy: of your film "fifty shades of black." >> yes. >> jimmy: january 29th it
comes out. the poster got a laugh. just look at this. [ laughter ] that's the poster. that's the movie poster. you're just crazy. i just love you. do i have to know what the book or the movie "fifty shades of grey" is? >> no, it's just a funny movie. it's just a retelling of the story.
it's just a comedy. we took their characters and we just did the spin on it. it's like the urban spin. so you know, with a black girl, you ain't going -- all the beatings that little dakota took
in that movie, you ain't going to do that to a sister. [ laughter ] you got two or three hits and she's like, "oh, hell no. you're not going to do this. we ain't going to do this. [ laughter ] don't make me call my brothers in jail. no this is not '12 years a a slave'! i ain't trying to hear this!" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're mr. black. >> i'm mr. black. >> jimmy: yeah and the fun -- the weird twist in this is that you're not a great lover in this one. >> no he's -- he's a really bad lover. like, in the movie, he's not a a great lover. like, he didn't have no moves. you know what i'm saying? it's not a racial thing. i don't want you to take offense, because you're my friend, and i got white friends. i think you need them, especially for when the cops pull you over. [ laughter ] when the cops pull you over, please let your white friend do the talking. [ laughter ]
>> yeah, but we do things differently in the bed. like, we move differently. like white guys, it's like this and this move all together. [ laughter ] it's just all this. something. all this. different. when we move, it's like, you know, all that just moves. that just moves. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: here's marlon wayans as christian black in "fifty shades of black." [ laughter ] >> where are we going? >> to my parents' house. for dinner. you look lovely. >> thank you. where did you learn to dance?
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[ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to dakota johnson, marlon wayans. go see him at the orpheum theater in new orleans january 22nd. david kirsch, ryan fitzpatrick, prince amukamara. stephen bishop once again! and get his new album at stephenbishop.com. also give it up for the roots, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. thank you so much. bye-bye, everybody.