tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC October 22, 2015 10:34pm-11:37pm CDT
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. that's what i'm talking about, right there. hey, welcome everybody. [ cheers and applause ] welcome! welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." this is it. [ cheers and applause ] this is you. this is me. this is us. this is we. we're all here. thank you so much, everybody. here's what everybody's talking about. of course, this is a big night for nbc. we're all excited here, because earlier tonight was the big season opener for the nfl. that's right. football. [ cheers and applause ] did you see it? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: the patriots played their first game since the deflate-gate scandal. i don't want to say the refs
balls, but today, they were hired by the tsa. [ laughter and applause ] i'm gonna have to dip my hand down your pants. [ laughter ] come on. >> steve: jackpot. >> jimmy: let's get to some political news, here. yesterday, hillary clinton vowed to take military action if iran moves towards creating nuclear weapons. or if she loses to bernie sanders. either way, it's like, "fire up the drones! [ cheers and applause ] you're getting too close, bernie. fire up the drones!" i also saw that donald trump used the r.e.m. song "it's the end of the world as we know it" at a rally in washington d.c. the band did not like that. no. [ laughter ] they did not enjoy it. they responded by calling him an orange clown. [ light laughter ] you could tell that trump was pretty upset. because, the next day he came out to a different r.e.m. song. everybody hurts
[ laughter ] >> steve: it's sad trump. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: donald trump was also at the u.s. open here in new york this week for the big match between serena and venus williams. and he actually looked like he was pretty deep in thought. and i kept thinking to myself, "i wonder what is going through his mind there." >> this is utterly boring. i could beat serena with my eyes closed. i can see it now. here i am, playing serena. hi-ya. i'm a total pro. take that. you just lost the game. i'm the winner. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm the winner. [ cheers and applause ] "deuces." and in a recent interview, i read that trump said that he's "basically the same now as he was when he was in first grade." [ laughter ]
again, that got me wondering what all the presidential candidates were like at that age, okay? so, we did some research, and we dug up their first grade report cards. check out what their teachers had to say in the comments. for instance, hillary clinton's first grade teacher wrote, "hillary is a very bright young girl. however, we discovered that, in addition to her classroom cubby, she keeps her own personal cubby at home filled with supplies that are for school only." [ laughter and applause ] she has a separate cubby. >> steve: yeah, separate cubby. i can't believe it. >> jimmy: secret cubby. next, we have jeb bush's first grade teacher. she wrote, "i love having jeb in my class. when nap time rolls around, i just ask him to speak in front of the other kids, and within 30 seconds, they're all out cold." >> steve: wow. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: isn't that interesting? we found chris christie's -- >> steve: did you really? [ laughter ] i find that hard to believe. >> jimmy: no, we have it. >> steve: you have it? oh. >> jimmy: chris christie's
first grade teacher wrote, "chris, like a lot of my students, is a growing young boy, but i have never seen anyone use a suitcase as a a lunchbox." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i've never heard of that. next, rick perry's first grade teacher wrote, "rick is one of the most polite 14-year-old boys. i'm so happy to have him back again." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: and again. >> jimmy: i'm gonna get through kindergarten. first grade. finally lincoln chafee's first grade teacher wrote, "who dis?" [ laughter ] i guess, not all of them are memorable children. they can't remember -- who dis? >> steve: who dis? that what when he was -- he was in her class, yeah. >> jimmy: a teacher wrote that, yeah. >> steve: she knew that was gonna be a phrase >> jimmy: an english teacher, yeah. hey, this is probably good advice, everybody. the u.s. surgeon general released a statement this week that said more americans should start going on walks. you know that we're setting the bar a little low when the surgeon general goes from
saying we should exercise more to just stand up. [ laughter ] just once. just for one minute, just stand up. how sad is that? the surgeon general said more americans should start going on walks, and then, to everyone's surprise he added, "even if you're just going out to have a a smoke. [ applause ] any type of walking. i'm just saying any movement." that's right, he wants more walking. can we see a picture of the surgeon general? well, that's the reason why he wants more walking. [ applause ] the surgeon general's a dog. >> steve: no wonder. >> jimmy: it's a dog in a a doctor's outfit. >> steve: yeah, that's not the real surgeon general. >> jimmy: i think it is. >> steve: is it? >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] check this out, you guys. tinder. you guys on tinder? like that dating app? it's adding a new super like button, so people can show they're extra eager to meet a a specific user. [ light laughter ] the company says it's a great way to know who not to go on a a date with. [ light laughter ]
let's have a date. [ laughter ] let's meet up in this shack behind my house. you like rabbit kidneys?" [ laughter ] no. "i don't know." "tastes the same as squirrel kidneys." [ light laughter ] oh, guys, i saw that the nominees for this year's cmas were announced yesterday. they include country music superstars like kenny chesney, luke bryan, garth brooks. [ cheers ] whiskey, beer, trucks, divorce. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this is pretty funny. i read that a flight attendant on a norwegian air flight from paris to stockholm went on the intercom to congratulate a a couple that apparently joined the mile high club. [ laughter ] it got weird when people started patting the woman on the back and her husband was like, "hey, hon, where you
[ laughter and applause ] finally, some good news for pot smokers. [ cheers ] is there ever bad news for pot smokers? [ laughter ] >> steve: that's great news! >> jimmy: even more good news for pot smokers. colorado's tax laws are forcing the state to sell marijuana tax free for just one day. next week, on wednesday, september 16th, 2015. stoners were like "got it. tuesday, november 35th, 420? what? [ laughter and applause ] see you there, bro." we have a great show, everybody! give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi! well, well, well.
it's been a great week so far. there's more ahead. tomorrow night, we'll be talking to the republican presidential candidate donald trump! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: giant. >> jimmy: hmm? >> steve: it's going to be giant. >> jimmy: it's going to be big. >> steve: it's gonna be large. >> jimmy: it's going to be huge! [ laughter and applause ] it's pretty cool, though. he chose our show to go on. it's the first late night appearance that donald trump is doing. >> steve: it's gonna be great. gonna go down. it's going to be fun. plus, also, from the hit show "empire", my man terrance howard will be stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] he's great. and we're going to do this thing tomorrow night. it is so cool. we have music from pharrell williams, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] a performance unlike anything you've ever seen before. it's really, really gonna be fun. if we can pull it off, it's really cool. [ light laughter ] you never know. i don't want to make promises in case we don't pull it off. they'll be like, "that was it?" "yeah, no, that -- we had something else planned." it's going to be really, really big. and also, of course, i want to remind everybody, next wednesday, we're talking with
the leading democratic presidential candidate, hillary clinton. [ cheers and applause ] she will be here as well. how fun? this is unbelievably fun. we get to talk to these candidates. but first, joining us tonight, he's a good friend of the show. he is great in "brooklyn nine-nine", and he's going to kill it as host of the emmy awards next weekend. the hilarious, the charming, the good looking andy samberg is here, ladies and gentlemen. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: can't say enough about that dude. >> steve: he's a lovely man. >> jimmy: andy and i are gonna face off in a new football kicking game called "face kickers." [ light laughter ] plus, she's a music superstar. could she get more charming, and just cooler, and just talented? she has a new album called "storyteller." carrie underwood is here. [ cheers and applause ] we're going to talk to carrie, and she's going to perform her
show called "smoke break." but it's not that smoke. >> steve: what? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it's confusing. it's more of like a metaphor type of thing. so listen. ready? >> steve: all right. let me hear it. she said i don't drink but sometimes i need stiff drink sippin from a high ball glass >> jimmy: it's about drinking. [ light laughter ] should we call it "drink break?" >> steve: should call it "drink break" yeah. or getting fired. >> jimmy: well, i didn't get us to the other part of the song. maybe she drinks. >> steve: maybe she drinks so much and then smokes. [ light laughter ] drinks so fast like, in a a cartoon. >> jimmy: does she mean like, smoke break? >> steve: maybe. >> jimmy: carrie underwood, look -- she's the coolest. [ cheers and applause ] we really love her. you guys, football is back. that's right. [ cheers and applause ] the 2015 nfl season kicked off tonight with the pittsburgh steelers taking on the defending super bowl champion new england patriots. now, as you know, at the end of every season, they give out awards like "most valuable player."
at the beginning of the season, sort of like the ones in high school yearbooks. like "most likely to succeed," "class clown," stuff like that. now, normally, i'd be the one to give out these awards. i don't know why. [ light laughter ] >> steve: normally, you would do that. >> jimmy: normally i would do it, but tonight, we thought we'd try something different. this time, we got nfl stars from all around the league to give out their own awards. with that in mind, it's time for "tonight show superlatives." here we go. tonight show superlatives >> i'm andy dalton, quarterback for the cincinnati bengals, and i was voted "most likely to be the love child of ed sheeran and the firefox logo." [ laughter and applause ] >> i'm drew brees, quarterback for the new orleans saints. i was voted "most likely to be ththdad dancing way too hard at a taylor swift concert." [ laughter and applause ] >> i'm andrew luck, quarterback of the indianapolis colts. and i was voted "most likely to his stick his head out of the
[ laughter and applause ] >> i'm joe haden, cornerback for the cleveland browns, and i was voted "black dilbert." [ laughter and applause ] >> i'm nick mangold, center for the new york jets. i was voted "most likely to call his junk, 'mangold's man gold.'" [ laughter and applause ] >> i'm calvin johnson, wide receiver for the detroit lions, and i was voted "most likely to play lawyer number two in a a tyler perry movie." [ laughter and applause ] >> i'm joeoelacco, quarterback for the baltimore ravens, and i was voted "most likely to say 'let's party,' then stare directly at a wall for three hours." >> i'm rob gronkowski, tight end for the new england patriots, and i was voted "human minion." [ laughter and applause ] >> i'm ndamukong suh, defensive tackle of the miami dolphins, and i was voted "most likely to laugh by blinking once." [ laughter and applause ] >> i'm clay matthews, linebacker for the green bay packers, and i was voted "most athletic baldwin brother." [ laughter and applause ]
>> i'm d'brickashaw ferguson, left tackle of the new york jets, and i was voted "least likely to hear, 'hey, my name is d'brickashaw, too.'" [ laughter andpplause ] >> i'm a aon rodgers, quarterback of thehereen bay packers, and i was voted "most likely to offer you help at the hardware store, even though he doesn't work there." [ laughter and applause ] >> i'm matthew stafford, quarterback for the detroit lions, and i was voted "most likely to wear suspenders and play the jug in a a mumford & sons cover band." [ laughter and applause ] >> i'm joe thomas, offensive tackle for the cleveland browns, and i was vovod "most likely to give you a wedgie e in 1948." [ laughter and applause ] >> hi, i'm peyton manning, quarterback of the denver broncos, and i was voted "most likely to have to explain to a rookie what a vcr was." [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: there you go, right there. thank you so much to the nfl and to all the players that t helped us with that. stick around. we'll be right back with andy samberg, ladies and
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>> jimmy: you know our first guest from his great run on "saturday night live" as well as his golden globe award-winning performance on "brooklyn nine-nine", which begins its third season sunday september 27th at 8:30 p.m. on fox. also next sunday, september 20th, he will be sting the prime timememmy awards at 8:8: p.m. on fox. [ cheers and applause ] it's going to be great. we can't wait for that. please welcome back to the show, a hard working man, here's andy samberg. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: andy samberg, everyone. we love you. they love you.
that's the way to groove on out here my main man. >> so smooth. so nice. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. it was nice nce. good dancing there, because yo said that you mentioned you saw me dancing last night. i was at the u.s. open. >> yeah, yeah. i clicked on the news feed this morning and saw jim jam jones fallon and timberlake. [ laughter ] i guess you could call it like dancing hard at the u.s. open? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: what are you talking about? we have a clip. >> did you get it? i'd like to see it again. [ cheers and applause ] so -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. that's good. >eah. >> jimmy: that's fun. right? >> it's -- i just -- >> jimmy: what's the problem? [ cheers and applause ] they put the song on, i didn't know -- >> i didn't think tennis could get any more white. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it wasn't that bad. >> you guys are the exact opposite of single ladies.
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: what are you talking about? >> ywu're married dudes. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, we are, we're married dudes. >> but you're still like, "put a ring on it." >> jimmy: it's not like -- you think i deejay the u.s. open? someone played it. someone played it, i go i don't know. we didn't know what to do. there were cameras on us so i just started d dng the dance. >> considering that it was like, totally improvised it was pretty good. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you're like a judge on like "america's got talent" all the sudden. yeah. >> just ribbin' my bud! >> jimmy: yeah. >> classic bud ribbin'. >> jimmy: bud ribbin'. >> yeah, you and justin. my buds. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: we are, we are your r buds. we love you, man. >> we're the three amigos! >> jimmy: we really are. i'm so excited for you to host the emmy awards. are you excited about this? you're going to kill it, buddy. >> thanks dude. i am excited. >> jimmy: you're going to be fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] >> i am very excited. >> jimmy: when is it? >> it's a week from sunday, the 20th. >> jimmy: the 20th. >> yeah. >> j jmy: september 20th. so it's a week from sunday, out
in l.a. >> yeah. >> jimmy: so here you are in new york working hard. [ light laughter ] what's it going to be like? what's your take on it? >> i mean, the hope is that it just feels like a big old party. >> jimmy: yeah. >> we're celebrating the tv shows. >> jimmy: it should be fun like that. >> yeah. all of the actors and writers d directors. reality stars. [ light laughter ] what else is on tv? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, you're right. you're right, you're right. that's good. that's good. >> that's my monologue. i hope -- i'm just going to say that again. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that'll work. yeah. but you're hard at work writing and making sure, because i got to say -- i tell this story all the time. but i will reminiscece little t. just plug your ears. when i first met andy, you, kiv and jorm -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: were writing for the mtv awards, 2005 what were weoing? like a batman spoof? >> we did the cold open with the batman spoof. jimmy in the batmobile. we wrote that. >> jimmy: yup. it was like 3:00 in the morning or something like that? and we were working on the script. and i was just like sitting g there.
>> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] there. and these dudes wrote it and we're working on jokes and i'm just so tired. and i was like, you know, "you guys don't have to be here. you already wrote the sketch, i'll just figure it out. i'll do the scenes. go home, get sleep." and you were like, "no, no. this is fun, it's cool." >> and w wt did we say, really? ff that, jimmy!" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you were saying -- "eff that, jimmy!" >> jimmy: "eff that, jimmy." [ light laughter ] and you harmonize, weirdly. eff that jimmy. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: and you're all wearing the three different colored sweaters. [ light laughter ] but then i remember emailing lorne michaels that night and going, "hey, i don't know what you want to do with auditions are coming up. these three dudes are just some of the hardest wororng guys i >> yeah. >> jimmy: and they looked like brooklyn. they look like they're from williamsburg, but you're not. you're a california dude. >> berkley, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. but similar. >> it sounds almost identical. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: and then so he auditioned you and the rest is up to you and you scored and now you're hosting the emmy awards. i mean, come on. >> yeah. the fairy god father, jimmy fallon.
[ cheers and applause ] gave us the whole thing. what? >> jimmy: it's all right. fairy god father. >> you're like the fairy god father. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. i'm looking at -- i follow you, >> mmm. >> jimmy: and here's what you tweeted out. it's you and the writers >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's you face down. yoyore planking. you're trying to bring the [ light laughter ] >> yeah. well, me and the lonely island guys were -- decided that we wanted to bring back planking, n't you think? [ cheers and applause ] it's like a lot of -- run. you think it should come back? >> i walk down the street and i'm just looking at a bunch of floppy cores. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: floppy cores? >> yeaea >> jimmy: you want p pple to plank more? >> more planking for surely. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: for people who don't know what planking is. >> we could show. >> jimmy: show everyone what a a plank is. >> okay. [ cheers and applause ] you got to be super firm. >> jimmy: okay, yeah. >> ahh! [ light laughter ]
>> jimmy: oh my god, your back. your back okay? >> argh! >> jimmy: and you're 23 years old. >> look at that. >> jimmy: that's what planking is. [ cheers and applause ] #bringbackplanking. i thought of something. i thought of something. >> yeah? >> jimmy: yoyowant to try a a a uble plank? >> i would love to try that, jimmy. [ cheers and&applause ] i'm not sure what it is actly, but i like the way it sounds. so i'm trusting you that it's going to be great. whatever it is -- >> jimmy: i'm trying to think where i would double plank. >> it will be awesome. pretty narrow desk, but i'm sure you'll figure it out. [ cheers and applause ] ohohyeah. >> jimmy: oh good. >> planking is back! planking is back! >> jimmy: planking is back! the double plank. hey, roots, you wanna try for a a triple plank? want to do it? >> roots! roots! [ cheers and appppuse ] >> jimmy: : uble plank. never been done on tv before.
[ [heers and applause ] hey, guys when we come back, andy samberg and i are about to play a new game called "facekickers." so we will see you after the break. it's gonna be fun. [ cheers and applause ] sfx: the loud motor of a helicopter roars. (screaming inaudibly): pc does what?! [music begins. the song, danger zone by kenny loggins plays from the pc] pc does what?! sfx: gently lapping water and seagulls. pc does whaaat?! pc does what no pc has done before. does yours? you get a cold. you can't breathe through your nose. suddenly, you're a mouthbreather. a mouthbreather! how can anyone sleep like that?
[ [ eers and applause ] >> jimmy: : lcome back, everybody. we're hahaing out with andy samberg. he is hosting the prime time emmy awards, sunday, september 20th at 8:00 p.m. on fox. tonight was the nfl season opener here on nbc. so to celebrate the new season, we're gonna play a new game called "facekickers." the object of the game is simple. we take turns kicking these footballs at the board upstage. first guy to smash all of his opponent's faces winin [ cheers and applause ] andy, as our honored guest you'll have the first kick. whenever you're ready my friend. >> mm-kay.
>> jimmy: good luck. >> i'm having trouble figuring out who's who but -- [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] they're nerf! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i like -- some of these -- oh, you didn't know that? i like that some of these your hairs parted or you have gray streaks and some you don't. >> we all have lines. >> jimmy: yeah, rapper lines. >> you have lines like [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i certainly do, man. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey stop! stop it! hold on a second. >> what happened? >> jimmy: i pulled a hammy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. i pulled a hammy.
i don't think i can go on. i need my back-up. ladies and gentlemen, here to save the day, please welcome carrie underwood, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: say hi to everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> wow. >> jimmy: i still have a a football, here. >> are you okay? >> jimmy: yeah. thank you for asking. just -- carrie, just go and kick away. and aim for the guy with glasses. >> the one -- >> jimmy: what a a you doing? [ laughter ] >> lining it up. >> jimmy: what's going on? [ cheers and applause ] >> can't even look. >> oh, darn it. [ laughter ] hang on? >> jimmy: come on! >> did it go? >> just warm up! >> did it go? >> jimmy: all right here we go. just warming up. all right, goooo don't -- laughter ] we were doing "the electric slide." [ laughter ] all right, go. go. >> i prefer "the macarena." >> did it go in? >> jimmy: okay. >> okay. darn it! come on!
>> all right, no, don't worry about it. here we go. >> okay. oh, i get to start again. >> jimim: that never happenene yeah, they never happened. hi. >> how are you? it's so nice to meet you. hey, no. [ laughter ] >> oh, he's the enemy. >> jimmy: all right, wait. you didn't even -- no, line it up. no. >> yeah. >> jimmy: okay. [ laughter ] >> no. you really want me to get this. >> jimmy: no, go for it. >> what? >> jimmy: do whatever you feel like doing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: get out of he! >> it's fun. >> jimmy: thank you. [ cheers and applause ] andy samberg, the winner. carrie underwood. >> by default. >> jimmy: we're talking to carrie underwood after the break. stick around everybody. [ cheers and applause ] take a look at these bbq trophies: best cracked pepper sauce... most ribs eaten while calf roping...
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having the flu can n expensive. we'll tell you whahashots you can get this season to avoid those high costs. and... a chimney sweep scam. what questions you should ask before hiring someone to clean out your fireplace. tune in at 5:00! >> story num: md01r [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a a seven-time grammy award winner and one of the biggest names in music.
her latete album, "storyteller", will be in stores october 23rd. everyone, please welcome carrie underwood! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you were fantastic at that game. [ laughter ] thank you so much. >> i did not bring my best. >> jimmy: oh, you did. >> sorry. >> jimmy: where did you -- who told you that you have to step back and then toss to the side and then you did the sign of the cross and thth -- [ laughter ] is that something you've seen on tv?v? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. well, it worked. [ lahter ] hey, congrats on everything, but i want to talk about -- so now, "sunday night football", it's here on nbc and you do the theme, you sing the theme. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and here's my question. how many times did you have to record it? 'cause like, there's different tetes playing each otherer >> yeah. >> jimmy: ananyou have to throw
in a a the names. did you do it like 50 times? >> a lot, yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> like, i go in and record, like, the main, like, base version. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then i insert, like, the different -- they cut and paste. so i have to -- >> jimmy: so you record the whole song and leave out who's playing who? >> rigig. and then i go back -- >> jimmy: and then you're like -- broncos [ laughter ] >> yes, exactly. yes. and steelers [ laughter ] >> you know, you know. you know. >> jimmy: but give me one. can't you give me one? >> well, some teams are harder. >> jimmy: like, give me, give me -- >> or like names. they'll put like names of people. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> like the quarterbacks, or like a marquee player oror whatever. >> jimmy: so aaron rodgers is >> yeah. yeah, rodgers and manning are about to throw down or whatever. >> jimmy: roethlisberger. >> that one is impossible to [ laughter ] roethlisberger >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, no. >> you make it sound good, though. >> jimmy: i really do? >> please don't take my job. [ light laughter ] >> j jmy: yeah, right. but i just sayongratulations to you as well because since a little baby boy.
>> i did. >> jimmy: congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i have a picture of isaiah here holding a hockey stick just like his daddy. [ audience aws ] look, that's a beautiful baby right there. >> he is. >> jimmy: and has the baby, i know he's clearly into hockey. [ laughter ] but is the baby musically inclined? i know you sing. last time you were here you told me your husband sings remember that? >> he does. >> jimmy: yeah. >> the worst. >> jimmy: he probably loves you for telling me that. >> he did. >> jimmy: and is the baby, lili, a little musically inclined? >> i feel like he's interested in music. so if a commercial comes on and it's a musical commercial he's like, you know, zoned into it. >> jimmy: yeah. my daughter's really into the secret escapes woman. >> oh, yeah? >> jimmy: you know that commercial? she whispers. >> she whispers. [ whispering ] >> jimim: i'm on a vacation.n. shsh laughter ] what? nothing honey. go away. my winnie could be watching "peppa pig," whater, she doesn't really care.
but as soon as the whisper lady is like, "i'm on vacation." [ laughter ] so now, i do it, too. i'm really into the secret escapes lady. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. she's fantastic.c. >> yeah. >> jimmy: we want to b bk her on the show. [ laughter ] but now you have a family. you have a perfect family. you got two little dogs, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: oh, my god. how are the dogs with the baby? >> they are, they're pretty good. the one that i thought would like love him and, like, be excited around him really ignores him. light laughter ] >> jimmy: oh.. >> yeah. and then the one that i was like, "oh, we're kinda gonna have to watch her. 'cause she's kinda the wildcard." and she loves him. she'll like lick his face and run away. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: licks his face and run away. what kind of dogs are they? >> a rat terrier and i don't know. >> jimmy: excuse me? >> a rat terrier. >> jimmy: oh, a rat terrier. >> yes. >> jim: all right. it sounded like, i thought you said roethlisberger. [ laughter ] i was like, i don'know that dog. >> that's also a dog name. >> jimmy: it's also a dog name. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. that's a very popular dog.
but then your dogs are troublemakers. i want to say this. >> they are. they are naughty. >> jimmy: they are trouble making dogs. ey're scary. you tweeted out -- well, i don't know. no, you ow what i'm talking about? >> yeah, i do. >> you tweeted out something, your dogs locked your baby in the car and you were not in there? >> that was their evil plot or something. they got together and they -- >> jimmy: no. whatappened? the dogs locked the baby in the car with the dogs? >> we were at the airport. and like you do, you gotta get your luggage. so we get out of the car. >> jimmy: yeah. >> g g out the door, the car was running, the radio was on, air- conditioning's going. >> jimmy: yeah. >> we were just, you know, gonna get our luggage out of the back. and the second we shut the doors the dog, like, jumps up on -- i don't know which one it was, the little control panel arm thingy and the doors locked. >> locked your baby in the car with the two dogs. >> b by in the car, yeah.. and then we spent like theheext half hour trying to get to him. i was convinced, i was like, they can do it again. [ laughter ] they can unlock the door. >> jimmy: you can't train the dog to unlock the door. >> i was like knocking on it. i was like, "ace, come here! come here!" >> jimmy: ace, come on, come on. give me the paw.
give me the paw. give me the paw. [ laughter ] >> ace, shake. shake.e. >> jimmy: shake. she was juju looking at you like -- >> didn't work at all. >> jimmy: you should have whispered like the secret escapes woman. >> i know. >> jimmy: yeah, that would have worked. well, what ended up happening? that's crazy. >> my brother-in-law had to break the window. he had tools like in his truck and he came -- >> jimmy: broke the window? >> it was my mother and father-in-law's car, too. [ laughter ] >immy: that doesn't matter. the baby's in there. what's goin' on? >> i know. i know. but it was just like -- >> jimmy: was the baby looking at you like, oh, my god. what is wrong. >> he was fine. he was laughing in the backseat. [ laughter ] nobody was in peril or anything. >> jimmy: no but still what a a crazy story. >> yeah. >> jimmy: thank god nothing bad happened there. >> yeah. >> jimmy: let's talk about thehe album. this is cocong out october 23rd. >> yes.. >> jimmy: "storyteller." congratulations on this. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's very, very fun. you're doing the song for the firstime on late night television. >> yes. >> jimmy: on our show tonight. >> yes. >> jimmy: "smoke break." >> yes. [ laughter ] no. >> jimmy: let's get into it. >> though i like the theories you guys were coming up with.
>> jimmy: theories? well i mean -- >> i'm drinking so f ft. >> jimmy: yeah. smoke break. smoke break. but what is this now? >> well, it's like -- >> jimmy: it's about cigarettes. >> no. [ laughter ] it's definitely not. >> jimmy: i know it's not. i get it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's a metaphor. >> yeah. it's like i just need a break. >> jimmy: just gimme a break. >> like, i don't drink but, you know, somememes i just feel ke i just need, you u ow, need to take a minute. >> jimmy: that's all it's about. >> yeah. >> jimmy: are people really coming down on you and saying that it's about smoking? >> no. i feel like the people that have a problem with it kinda [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no one hates you. you're america's sweetheart. we love you here at "the tonight show." >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and you're the best. the best partner to play facebreakers with. thank you so much for doing that. you guys, "storyteller" is in stores october 23rd. carrie -- oh, you know what i didn't talk about really quick, your clothing line. 'cause i was very excited to talk about this. >> oh. >> jimmy: now, it's called carrie underwear? >> yes. [ laughter ] no. not quite. >> jimmy: what is it called? >> it's calia. >> jimmy: kids picked on you in school. calia. >> they did. they called me
carrie underwear. >> jimmy: and now you showed the bullies. >> who's laughing now? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. yeah. i make underwear y'all! congratulations. at dick's sporting goods, right? >> thank you. yeah. >> jimmy: that's were you can get it? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and you went to, you had a fashion show here at fashion week? >> we did. yeah, it was so much fun. >> jimmy: come on. >> yeah. >> jimmy: have you ever done -- you must have been to it a a million times. >> i've been to fashion shows. >> jimmy: but now this is yours. >> this is mine. i got to walk on the stage and take a bow. >> jimmy: see how do you do that and look co i feel like -- i did not i'm sure.e. [ laughter ] i i s just like look at t l the people and the prettytyhings. >> jimmy: >> pretty clothe >> jimmy: you have people walked down, wear y >> yeah. >> jimmy: and then you walk out at the end and you go -- [ laughter ] >> not like that. >> jimmy: well what did you do? >> i was like excited. >> jimmy: that wasn't excited. [ laughter ] >> that was excited. that's my excited face. >> jimmy: yeah i know but -- i don't know what's s at. i don't want to be too excited either. 'cause you don't want to be like -- >> jimmy: that amazing. you know like -- [ coughing ] [ laughter ] >> oh god. >> jimmy: sorry. no, i have my own. thank you.
>> oh, okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: mine has booze in it. [ laughter ] >> okay. >> jimmy: i don't want to walk out and be too excited. >> right. then you'll cough and then you'll get alllleird. >> jimmy: yeah. no one got all weiei. you're the one that can't -- [ laughter ] that's your problem. you walked right up to face can't even hit a football. it was the worst thing i've ever seen. >> i'm extremely athletic. >> jimmy: no, you were very, very good. [ laughter ] but i say you should come out -- you can't come out. you could mouthed words and things. you're like -- [ laughter ] >> what are you talking about? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i was still talking about your clothing line, sorry. the name of your clothing line, cialis? what is it? [ laughter and applause ] i don't know. >> caliaia >> jimmy: calia, yes of course. calia. [ laughter ] you guys, "storyteller" -- she's performing her new single for us after the break.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everyone, tune in tomorrow night. coming to talk to me about his run for the 2016 presidencnc donald trump will be here tomorrow night. [ cheers and applause ] oh, it's going to be fun. plus terrance howard, of course. pharrell williams and thank you notes. that's all tomorrow. it's going to be good. but first -- oh, we love her. performing her new single e "smoke break" from her upcoming album "storyteller," once again, carrie underwood! [ cheers and applause ] she's a small-town hard-working woman just trying to make a living rking three jobs feeeeng ur little mouths in a run-down kitchen when you never taking nothing
it's hard to be a good wife and a good mom and a good christian i don't drink but sometimes i need a stiff drink sipping from a high ball glass let the world fade away she said i don't smoke but sometimes i need a long drag yeah i know it might sound bad but sometimes i need a smoke break he's a big-city hard-working man just trying to climb the ladder first generation to go to college instead of driving a tractor never had nothing handed to him on a silver platter it's hard to be a good man good son
i said i donon drink but sometimes i wanna pop that top take a swig and make the world stop and watch it fade away he said i don't smoke but sometimes i wanna light it up yeah when things get tough sometimes i need a smoke break yeah so here's to you and here's to when the day gets long go ahead i understand if you wanna take a load off i don't drink but sometimes i need a stiff drink sipping from a high ball glass
yeah and i don't smoke but sometimes i need a long drag yeah i know it might sound bad but sometimes i need a sometimemei need a sometimes i need a when the day gets long whoa when the work's all done whoa when the sun sets whoa when you need to forget sometimes i need a smoke break whoa fill it up whoa sip it slow whoa and let it all go [ cheers and applae ] >> jimmy: you are the real deal, man. oh, i love you. carrie underwood.
tonight -- from "the affair", actress maura tierney, cooking with chef john besh, featuring the 8g band. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." [ cheers and applause ] glad to hear it. leles get to the news. uck dynasty" star willie robertson this weekend endorsed donald trump in the presidential race. that's story again, a man who owns duck calls endorsed a man who owns duck lips. [ laughter ] [ trump voice ] i'm the best duck in thihientire pond. [ laughter ] of all the ducks, i'm the