tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC January 5, 2016 10:34pm-11:37pm CST
and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 393! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: a good looking crowd right there. welcome. welcome. thank you so much for being here. thank you, thank you, thank you. welcome to "the tonight show." this is it. you're here. this is the show. thank you for being here. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for being here. here's what people are talking about, of course, it's the election. in a recent interview, hillary clinton said that she
becomes president. and said that even aliens have already visited the earth. [ light laughter ] not to be out done, bill actually volunteered to be probed. [ laughter and applause ] he said, "i'm down with whatever. i'm down. what happens on earth stays on earth." [ laughter ] why would he say -- that's right hillary clinton said she would investigate ufos and said that aliens may have already visited earth. when he heard that trump said, "forget the wall, we need a a dome. [ laughter and applause ] let's build a huge, beautiful dome, and make them pay for it. we'll make t t aliens pay for the dome. a huge, classy, beautiful dome." >> steve: beautiful. golden. >> jimmy: check this out. in an npr interview last week, jeb bush revealed the ingredients for his guacamole rerepe, but wouldn't give away the specifics on how to preparar
so, now i guess we have to elect jeb bush. [ laughter and applause ] i mean, how are we going to know how to make guacamole -- >> steve: how can you do it? >> jimmy: the jeb bush way. >> steve: the bush way. >> jimmy: do you remember when he was on? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: i said -- he said he likes guacacole. [ light laughter ] i said, "have you ever tried guacamole?" and he goes, "guacamole." i go, "settle down, it's guacamole." i said, "have you tried it with peas in it?" and he goes, "no, no, we would never put peas in guacamole." [ laughter ] i've tried it. it's not bad. >> steve: yeah. you tried it. >> jimmy: he wouldn't do it. he wouldn't back down. >> steve: no. >> jimmy: i would never put peas in guacamole. >> steve: guacamole. >> jimmy: this is how he negotiates. he could be a good president. i liked it. >> steve: guac. >> jimmy: yeah. guys, i'm very excited about this. the new season of "the bachelor" premiered last night. [ cheers and applause ] get down on it get down on it t down on it get down on it >> jimmy: yeah. the bachelor was last night.
seemed pretty confident that one of the ladies in the room would be his future wife. whoo! but, take a close look at everyone he's talking to in the room. >> i stata here tonight and it's unbelievable i can look around and think that, like, my wife could be in this room. >> jimmy: there's a pony there. >> steve: what? [ laughter ] what? that's a -- >> jimmy: there's a small horse. >> steve: why is the -- >> jimmy: a miniature horse in the room. >> steve: why is there a pony in the room? >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> steve: why is there a aony in the room? >> jimmy: have you seen "the bhelor?" this is it. you never -- actually, the pony has a good advantage. she's the only brunette. [ laughter ] it's great. [ applause ] the pony -- you didn't see it? >> steve: yes. >> loved it. >> jimmy: did you see it? love it. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. in the rose ceremony, he went up to her and said, "will you eat this rose?" [ laughter ] it was romantic. it was romantic.c. >> steve: so, cute. >> jimmy: secretly the pony wants to come in second place so she could be next season's bachelorette. [ applause ] that's the way they all think. they don't want to win. >> steve: no. >> jimmy: it's more money. >> steve: place or show.
>> steve: either one, yeah. >> jimmy: it's always hard for the bachelor to keep track of everyone's name on t t show, but ben had an especially difficult time with one of the check this out. meet you. >> it's nice to meet you. what's your name? >> i feel like i'm at an unfair advantage because i have been able to stock you over social media for like the last two months. >> i'm trying. >> you like fishing. >> i love fishing. >> and you like to cook. >> what's your name? >> you know, i figured you other people tonight. all right >> what's your name? [ laughter ] >> steve: what? >> jimmy: rule number one, never give out your name until the third date. you know that. [ applause ] that's rule number one. i stalked you on facebook. [ laughter ] >> steve: i'm drunk. >> jimmy: i liked your picture. [ laughter ] with the bachelor there's always a 50/50 chance her name is ashley. >> steve: that's true. >> jimmy: there's always like three ashley's. >> steve: can ashley leave? >> jimmy: guys, this was cool here. i saw netflix will become available in russia for the first time later this month. yeah, in fact, they're even adapting some existing netflix shows and movies into russian. that's right.
>> steve: oh, okay. >> jimmy: take a look at this. first up, "bojack horseman." >> steve: oh, love that. >> jimmy: it's now going to be "jacked horse man." [ laughter ] >> steve: really? >> jimmy: subtle changes. >> steve: subtle changes. just little changes. >> jimmy: "friends" everyone loves "friends." >> steve: love that show. >> jimmy: "friends" is now called "goat and old lady." [ laughter ] ] >> steve: : ll be there for you. >> jimmy: i will be there for you. >> steve: ow! quit hitting me. >> jimmy: finally, "it's always sunny in philadelphia" is now "is never sun in chernogorsk." [ laughter and applause ] chernogorsk. >> steve: chernogorsk. >> jimmy: chernogorsk. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: still a good show. guys people were talking about this right here. broncos quarterback peyton manning continues to face allegations that he once used human growth hormones after a report stated that hgh was delivered to manning's wife in 2011. peyton released a statement saying, "i have never taken hgh." while his wife said, "yeah, , neither have i." [ laughter ] d you have to just te their
they're not guilty until -- did you see this >> steve: what's that. >> jimmy: visa and dell are investing $3 million in the girl scouts to help them sell cookies online. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: it's all part of their plan to totally cut out the middleman, you know, girl scouts. [ laughter ] >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: just to get them right out of there. why bother? >> steve: yeah. directly to the consumer. >> jimmy: you don't needs the badge? get a different badge. [ laughter ] yeah. yeah. ooh, a little controversy here, guys. some people are upset about a a billboard in utah. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: uh-huh. that advertises a dating site called wherewhitepeoplemeet.com. [ laughter ] even more controversial, it's now utah's state motto. [ applause ] isn't that unbelievable. they took the whole thing. they like it. >> steve: they have to. >> jimmy: here's a local story. a street here in new york city once known as music row lost its last music shop when an accordion store moved away.
when asked how the accordion store was able to stay open for so long, the owner said, "because we were selling weed in the back." [ laughter and applause ] it was a front. you weren't really selling accocoions. finally, some international news here. china's new law allowing couples to have two children instead of just one went into effect in the new year. [ cheers and applause ] so if you thought you felt an earthquake, don't worry. it was just a billion peopop being told they're allowed to have unprotected sex at the exact same moment. [ laughter ] guys, we have a great show. give it up for the roots right there. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very nice. guys, we have a big week of shows ahead. tomorrow night, i'm very excited for this.
grammy award winner. he's the one and only billy joel will be here tomorrow night! >> steve: hey! [ cheers and a alause ] >> jimmy: we're going to talk to him about his record-breaking show at madison square garden this summer. i've seen this show like four times. i can't stop seeing it. it's the best. >> steve: it's fantastic. >> jimmy: he's awesome, and he's going to perform a good song for us on the show that he's never -- i don't think he's done that. has he ever done that on tv? i'm not sure.. but either way, it's going to be great. yeah. it's really good. not "piano man." >> steve: what? >> jimmy: no. "piano man," people have seen it. >> steve: i've seen it. >> jimmy: obvious choice. >> steve: this is the one that you know. >> jimmy: this is a jam, you go, oh. >> steve: i can't believe he's doing it. you go, doh! i can't believe it! >> jimmy: you go, oh, my goodness. over here. woah! >> steve: oh, my gosh. they're playing the song. >> jimmy: oh, billy joel! oh, my goodness. it's like being at the garden over here with this guy. [ laughter ] that's what you're going to be like. >> steve: that's what it's gonna feel like. >> jimmy: that's what you're going to feel like tomorrow. >> steve: as soon as you hear him play. >> jimmy: whoa, whoa, whoa. get over here.
>> steve: come here, come here. get out. >> jimmy: yeah. plus, we have academy award winner j.k. simmons is stoppg by as well. >> steve: oh, lovely man. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's good, man. >> steve: he's a delight. >> jimmy: and later this week, mark ruffalo, kendrick lamar, and tyler perry will all be joining us. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: but first, we have a a great show tonight. we love her so much. she's starring in two new movies "anesthesia" and "clouds of sils maria." she's fantastic in this. our pal kristen stewart is here ladies and gentlemen. >> steve: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: she's great. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: she's great. later, kristen and i are going to go head-to-head in the whisper challengng so stay tuned for that. yeah. it's a fun game. plus, this sunday, he's up for a golden globe award for his role in the film "99 homes." michael shannon is dropping by. >> steve: come on. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i love michael shannon. very dry. >> steve: very dry. >> jimmy: very dry sense of humor. very very, clever, very funny human being. and we have great music frfr, gosh, yoyore going to love these guys, cage the elephant is here tonight. >> steve: oh!
>> jimmy: they're a great, great band. listen to this jam. you wanna hear this jam out? ahh ahh no she don't mess around >> jimmy: that's it. >> steve: oh, that's it. >> jimmy: "don't mess around." that's it. cage the elephant is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] guys, it is time to take a look at the stories making headlines today and weigh the good with the bad. it's time for "pros and cons." here we go. [ cheers and applause ] pros and cons and pros and cons and pros >> jimmy: tonight, we'll be taking a look at the pros and cons of making a new year's resolution. we all make them. so let's take a look at the pros and cons of making a new year's resolution. here we go. >> jimmy: pro, resolving to be smarter with your money. con, by spending $1,000 on a a gym membership and going once. [ applause ] it's what happens. pro, you posted your resolution to lose weight on facebook. con, your mom commented "lol." [ laughter and applause ] that's not --
>> jimmy: that's not good. >> steve: that's hurtful. >> jimmy: that's not good. >> steve: not nice. >> jimmy: pro, telling your family you're e ing to get your dream job this year. con, your family saying, "uh, sure you are, jeb." [ laughter ] >> steve: guacamole. >> jimmy: i will give you the rest of my guacamole. >> steve: this is my guacamole. >> jimmy: this is my guacamole. >> steve: talk to my little friend, guacamole. >> jimmy: pro, taking a a spontaneous trip by spinning a globe and pointing at a a random country. n, that's also how steve harvey crowns miss universe. [ laughter and applause ] colombia, congratulations. >> steve: colombia! steve, steve, it's the philippines. >> jimmy: pro, completing your first marathon. cob, by watching all ten episodes of netflix's "making a a murderer" without getting off the couch. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: that is a marathon. >> jimmy: that's a marathon. you make it through. >> steve: that's a hot show. >> jimmy: pro, a treadmill allows you to run but go no
con, so does campaigning for martin o'malley. how is that a pro in the first place? >> steve: it wasn't a pro or a a con. yeah. >> jimmy: it wasn't a pro or con. yeah. i'm going to save this. >> steve: throw it in the garbage. >> jimmy: i'm gonna save this for later. >> steve: what are you goioi to do with it? >> jimmy: i'm gonna hang it on the fridge. >> steve: looks like you put it inhe garbage can. >> jimmy: no, no i don'tave a a garbage can up here. i have a place where i put things on my fridge. >> steve: oh, okay. [ light laughter ] it's like a refrigerator magnet you gotta put on your fridge so as soon as people come to your house. >> jimmy: take it there i go, "oh, my daughter made it." >> steve: she has very neat handwriting. >> jimmy: they'll think it's cute. yeah. they'll be like she wrote a a funny topical joke. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: how old is she? she's 2 1/2. >> steve: yeah. 2 1/2. she's learning latin. >> jimmy: she learned to type. yeah. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: big deal. >> steve: what is your daughter doing? >> jimmy: yeah. what is your daughter doing. yeah. get out of my house.
>> steve: get outta here. >> jimmy: get outta here. billy joel's over here. are you kidding me? >> steve: come on. william joel. >> jimmy: billy joel coming on the show tomorrow night. he's going to doing something to blow your mind. [ laughter ] >> steve: your minins about to be blown. >> jimmy: it is going to be amazing tomorrow. >> steve: it's going to be >> jimmy: i mean, it's nuts. you know >> questlove: i don't know. >> steve: i do. [ laughter ] jimmy: >> steve: can't tell. don't say. >> jimmy: why say it? it will ru don't you like a sur >> questlove: no. [ laug >> jimmy: don't you miss the emotion of being surprised? >> questlove: [ laughter >> jimmy: when was the last time you got surprised? tariq? no, i was just kidding. i was talking to questlove. [ laughter ] surprise! [ applause ] hey, come on, man. >> steve: your school on sunday. pro, it's important that you achieve the goals that you set out for yourself. con, it's even more important that your facebook friends see you achieved your goals and get super jealous. that's the whole point of hahang facebook. [ applause ] and finally, pro, if not now, whwh? con, tomorrow. there you go, that's the "pros and cons."
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is winning award after award for her role in the movie "clouds of sils maria" which is currently available on dvd. you can also see her in the new movie "anesthesia" which is in theaters and on demand this friday. please welcome back to the show the lovely, the talented kristen stewart. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for being here. thanks so much for being here. >> what's up, my dog? >> jimmy: come on. how are you
doing, my dog? absolutely. what's up, my dog? come on. i haven't seen you in a while. happy new year. how were the holidays? did you do anything fun, did u relax at all? >> uh, kinda. i got off work on december 15th. i was in europe shooting for a
>> jimmy: filming as well. >> yeah, so i felt like i had been discharged from the movie army and i sat in front of my fireplace and was like, listen, if you
want to hang out, by all means, come over. but i'm not -- i was like -- >> jimmy: that's how you entertain? >> yeah, people are like, "hey, kristen, what's up? what do you want to do?" whatever i want. [ laughter ] okay. >> jimmy: i haven't had time off in five years. >> whatever i want. yeah, exactly. >> jimmy: well, i saw you were in paris, i think, driving around on a vespa. is that part of the movie? [ light laughter ] now what is this? is this part of the movie or is this just the way you hang? >> really hard. >> jimmy: the way you relax. >> i drive hard. okay, stop. enough of that. >> jimmy: do you know how to drive the vespa? >> they taught me in about an hour and then like, threw me onto the streets of paris, which is extremely treacherous and busy and crazy. like, only in france. i swear to you, here, they would never allow me to even drive like five fefe without being on some rigged up crazy fake green screen thing. >> jimmy: yeah, for safety. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: in paris, they just
we'll just -- we hope we get the shot. >> basically. i mean, to be real, like it was baller. because it was extremely dangerous. like, i would never have ever, ever, ever done that if there wasnsn a camera in front of me. ere's something about a a rolling camera, you just do insane things that you wouod normally not do. >> jimmy: it's crazy. yeah, yeah, i know what you mean. yeah, yeah. [ light laughter ] >> every single day. >> jimmy: ever single day. yeah, absolutely. >> jimmy: well, now, you've done like five movies in a row. every time you come on, you're always working on something or the next one. what is this one called? do we know what this title is? >> this one's "personal shopper." e same director who directed "clouds of sils maria." olivier assayas. >> jimmy: boy, oh, boy, did you knock it out of the park with this one. i want to get to this one but first, "anesthesia." who directed that one? >> tim blake nelson. >> jimmy: tim blake nelson. >> he's amazing and such an incredible actor. he's a phenomenal director. >> jimmy: and that was a drama as well? >> yes. >> jimmy: you filmed that one in new york city? >> yeah, just a couple days. i was lucky enough to have a a couple scenes in it. >> jimmy: and this thing right here, "clouds of sils maria."
you're just fantastic. it's all you. i mean, juliette binoche as well, and chloe grace moretz is also fantastic. i mean, there's a lot of people in the movie. i'm not going to -- [ laughter ] good movie. everyone is good in the film. >> they're not going to be offended. it's okay, they're not here. >> jimmy: yeah, i know but i really did like their performances as well. without them, there would be no movie. i mean, it can't just be you acting by yourself. well, i guess you could, actually. you could play three different characters. >> i could have played every part. >> jimmy: yeah, you couldn't have. but the movie opens right with you. right with your face. and you're just -- you're fantastic. i just want to go, oh, my gosh. it's funny because every time you come on, i get to know you a little bit more and more every time you come on. and i think we have a good chemistry, you know. [ light laughter ] and i know you have fun here every time you come on. >> yeah, this is -- this is my favorite one. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and no, but then i see you, and you're just a a confident -- you're a a personal assistant to juliette binoche's character, who is an aging actress, i guess, is kind of the plot of this --
[ light laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. the character. the character. the character she's playing. the character is about an aging actress. don't get me in trouble. >> whoever is live streaming this she's on this [ bleep ]. she's like -- >> jimmy: i'm going to talk to tim nelson on this. let's get him on there. >> he's really intense. >> jimmy: yeah. >> she's really fun. she's everything you want juliette binoche to be. >> jimmy: she's actually her. >> oh, she's so cool. she's so amazing. >> jimmy: but, then you just won this giant award. you won the cesar award. am i pronouncing it right? > don't know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but you won the award. this is like a french oscar. >> yeah. that's what they told me. >> jimmy: congratulations. that's unbelievable. i'm so happy for you. >> yeah, thanks. thanks. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's the best. what was it like? what's the -- the awards, the french awards, are they similar to american award shows? >> they'rereonger. >> jimmy: really? >> there's no commercials. they have this whole french approach to advertising. they don't want to, like, sell
a reason for it. basically five hours of people very indulgently talking however long they want to talk. in the states, they're literally playing music two seconds in. keep it snappy, keep it fun. applse, commercials, sell you this. this was just six hours of french, and i don't speak french. [ laughter ] i was like, oh, my god. >> jimmy: really? but then you ended up winning. >> yeah, totally. >> jimmy: did you give a long speech? >> no, huh-uh. i really could barely speak. yeah, but it was amazing. i was with juliette, and she was like, "there is no way. the french will never, ever, ever even think of giving you something like this. it's crazy that you're even considered to be nominated. just come hang out. don't think of what you're going to have to say." >> jimmy: sounds like a blast to hang out. [ laughter ] >> i know, but she's a realist. >> jimmy: well, they never do. >> it's never happened before. >> jimmy: they have never given it to an american acess. >> it was cool. and she was like -- the category came up. and i was like, "i'm pretty sure this is my one. is this -- what are they saying? what's up? is this the thing?"
know. no." and i was like, "dude, help me out." like, the entire row just cleared out. please, like, what is it? and she was like, "oh, i think --" and then just screamed in my ear, "you won.n. i was like, "what?" i could bare put a sentence together. >> jimmy: wow. well, that's fantastic. i love -- it's beautifully shot. and this is the same director who did "personal shopper" as well. >> yes. >> jimmy: and it's beautifully shot, and tricky movie. and you're just phenomenal in i don't need to be -- obviously i'm not cesar, but i mean, you won. yeah, other people can tell you're good. >> thanks. >> jimmy: i mean nothing to you, yeah. [ light laughter ] but i want to show -- >> we've had our ups a downs. >> jimmy: we really have, yeah, yeah. but i think we're in our up period, yeah? >> i'm feeling good. >> jimmy: yeah, cool. i want to show a clip. here's kristen stewart and juliette binoche in "clouds of sils maria." take a look at this. >> what's wrong with my acting? >> nothing. >> whahado i need to do to me you admire me? do i think too much? huh? am i too classical? you have to talk to me.
hmm? >> i don't know. you -- you can't be as accomplished as you are and as well rounded of an actress as you are. and still expect to hold on to the privilegesf youth. it doesn't work like that. >> oh. so i'm allowed to not be old as long as i don't want to be young. is that it? >> yeah. i don't know. i guess so. yes, totally, well put. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's a tricky movie. love them. more with kristen stewart when we come back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] this is a body of proof. proof of less joint pain. and clearer skin. this is my body of proof that i can fight psoriatic arthritis with humira. humira works by targeting and helping
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she stars -- two new movies, "clouds of sils maria," and "anesthesia," which is out this friday. kristen and i are about to play the whisper challenge. here we go. [ cheers and applause ] [ wind blowing ] now -- >> whisper challenge. >> jimmy: now, the whisper challenge works like this. one person puts on the head phones with loud music playing. okay? the other person then picks up a card and reads the random phrase on the card, and the person wearing the headphones has to try and guess what they just said. >> mm. >> jimmy: all right? so now, you put the headphones on first and i'll read a phrase to you and you'll guess what i'm saying. i'll start the music. let me know if -- [ faint music playing ] [ laughter ] all right. is it good? is it playing? okay. >> it's playing. okay. >> jimmy: ready? ready? [ laughter ] say hello to my little friend.
wait. >> jimmy: say hello to my little friend. >> tell those mother [ bleep ] -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey wait. no, no, no. why would i -- no. [ applause ] >> coming close? >> jimmy: no. say. >> take. >> jimmy: hello. [ laughter ] >> take a low. >> jimmy: to. my. >> take a low -- >> jimmy: to my. >> to my. >> jimmy: little. >> what? take. >> jimmy: little friend. say hello to my little friend. >> take my bathroom to the friend? what the [ bleep ]? >> jimmy: all right. close enough. all right. [ bleep ] wait, no. we're not going -- >> i hate losing. >> jimmy: don't worry about it. it's not -- >> i hate it. >> jimmy: please, no. no, it's good. >> okay, okay. >> jimmy: say hello to my little friend is what i was saying. say hello -- yeah. >> oh, you were really giving it away with that whole -- >> jimmy: i was doing the scarface mouth. >> aw, man. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: all right here we go. no it's your thing. >> aw, man, i'm not good at stuff like this, dude. >> jimmy: no. you don't have to do impressions.
>> jimmy: the thing is it's all fun and games. >> i'm not having fun. [ laughter ] okay, okay, okay. no, i am. [ rimshot ] ready? buckle up. >> jimmy: all right. >> how much wood would a a woodchuck chuck? >> jimmy: what? [ talking over each other ] >> i don't want him to know what it is. >> jimmy: are you doing now? >> yeah. >> jimmy: ready? >> how much wood would a a woodchuck chuck if a -- >> jimmy: i wanna watch each other. [ laughter ] >> okay, okay. >> jimmy: all ready. >> how much wood. >> jimmy: i want to -- i want to. >> how much wood. >> jimmy: i much work. >> how much wood. >> jimmy: i much woody. [ laughter ] >> how much wood would a a woodchuck chuck if a a woodchuck chuck if a a woodchuck could chuck wood. >> jimmy: how much woody would -- if a woodchuck could chuck wood! [ cheers and applause ] that was great. hey. all right, ready? here we go. here you go. >> okay. >> jimmy: that was a good one. >> help me out. help me out. i wanna get one. >> jimmy: i'll be good. i won't do an impression. >> i know. you were really good last time. that was my fault. okay. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> also this is so distracting, like, i'm just listening -- >> jimmy: that's the whole idea of the game. [ laughter ] >> okay, okay. >> jimmy: kung fu panda.
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: kung fu panda. >> caught the fruit packet. [ laughter ] i feel like i'm yelling and also puffing in your face. like proof, pocket. [ laughter ] okay. >> jimmy: kung fu panda. >> oh, kung fu panda. >> jimmy: yes! [ cheers and applause ] last one. last one. last one. all right? >> the key is really like -- >> jimmy: yeah, that was good. popping, yeah. >> yeah. okay. it was embarrassing. >> jimmy: all right. here we go. wait, hold on. hold on. not yet. not yet. [ light laughter ] all right, go. go for it. >> all right, all right, all right. all right, all right, all right. all right, all right, all right. all right, all -- >> jimmy: talk to the hand. [ laughter ] >> all right, all right, all right. >> jimmy: relax, we're only friends. >> all right, all right, all right. how do you do that? >> jimmy: what's the big deal? >> all right. >> jimmy: getting to charades. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: wait. >> okay. all right. >> jimmy: circle out. >> all right, all right, all right, all right. >> jimmy: all right, all right, all right. [ cheers and applause ] woah! we got it! yeah! >> is that a phrase? >> jimmy: kristen stewart! yeah, totally! that was good. yeah. "clouds of sils maria" is out on dvd. she's fantastic in it. "anesthesia" is in theaters and on demand on this friday. she's fantastic in that as well. michael shannon joins us after the break. he's fantastic. stick around. >> he really is. >> jimmy: he is, right?
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they want, instead of crying? we'll show you a new app that claims to decode baby cries. and it's never too late to follow your dreams. we'll show you how a 93 year old man is training for the 2016 olympics. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is an academy award-nominated actor. now he's up for a golden globe award this sunday for best supporting actor -- [ cheers and applause ] for his truly fine work in the film "99 homes." he also stars in another new film called "midnight special", which hits theaters march 18th. here he is, the very talented michael shannon.
>> jimmy: welcome back. please, have a seat. welcome back to the show. you look -- >> third time's the charm. this is my third time. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. it is. every time you're good, not third time. first time's a charm, second -- 'cause every time you're here, it's a charm. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] it's my irish. i'm irish. lucky charms. >> jimmy: yeah, me, too. i'm irish, too. lucky charms. [ light laughter ] did you -- happy holidays. happy new year. merry christmas. you don't seem to me to be like a guy who just goes and dresses up and gets all kind of fun and corny on christmas, but yet here you are. this is a pretty cool picture of you i saw during the holidays. [ laughter and applause ] >> pretty cool picture. >> jimmy: yeah, really cool. yeah, that was me. i was there. i was at the premiere. [ light laughter ] >> oh, wow. i was so drunk. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. >> see, right here it says, "i light up." >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah, on that sticker it says "i light up" because the sweater actually lights up.
>> jimmy: it's electronic, yeah. so this something you wear during the holidays? that's fun. >> well, i was in this movie called "the night before", which was about christmas -- >> jimmy: absolutely. >> and drugs. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: seth rogen. >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah, you were great. >> thank you. was i fantastic? >> jimmy: yeah, you were. [ light laughter ] >> i figured out, by the way, the right word for juliette binoche is "ancient actress." >> jimmy: no! >> exactly. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, i was saying the movie is about an aging -- >> ancient. >> jimmy: not an ancient -- >> from far away lands. >> jimmy: no, no, no. not from a far away land. she's an aging actress in the business. you know what i'm saying? so, it's tough. >> it's tough -- it's a hard thing to talk about.
dying or something. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, it's not like that at all. it's fun. it's not like that. it's just -- >> i was at "the night before" and they sent out this invitation and it said, "everybody wear a christmas sweater." >> jimmy: oh. >> and i actually -- i saw seth rogen earlier in the day, because we were doing some silly game show on comedy central or something. i said, "are you going to wear the christmas sweater?"
i'm like, "what do you mean you're 50/50? it said on the thing, christmas sweater." he's like, "yeah, okay, i'll see you tonight." and then i show up there in my
christmas sweater, and i was the only one. [ laughter ] they were all wearing suits like this. so that's the last christmas movie i ever do. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: no, that's not -- come on. you can do other ones. you were fantastic in it. >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: but i did meet your beautiful little daughter backstage. >> oh, thanks. >> jimmy: gosh, she's a cutie. oh, my gosh. how many girls do you have? >> you mean how many daughters? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: sorry, yeah. >> i have two daughters. i have two daughters. >> jimmy: sorry, should have been more clear. you have two daughters. did they just love christmas? did you love christmas? do you love christmas? >> they did. yeah, i mean, it's like a a religious experience for my daughter. i think most children, my eldest daughter. my 2-year-old doesn't really know what it is yet, but sylvie is very, very bright. and she asked for lots of things that you've got to build and like electronics things and gizmos and gadgets and stuff.
[ light laughter ] so, she opens all these things and it's very exciting. and then i have to put them together. and -- >> jimmy: looks like you must love that. that's fun for you. >> well, one of the things is a a remote control flying shark. she got from her uncle brian. >> jimmy: thanks a lot, uncle brian. [ light laughter ] >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: what does that mean? remote -- >> he conveniently was not in town. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: what does that mean, remote control flying shark? >> well, it's large, first of all. the first step is to fill the body. it's like a giant helium balloon. and you go to your local helium dealer -- [ laughter ] and you get it filled up -- >> jimmy: okay, yeah, yeah. >> with helium. you know, your helium dealer. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, of course, yeah, yeah. >> get it filled up with helium. >> jimmy: is easy to do on christmas day. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: kids love it. >> yeah, they're out on the streets with their giant cans. >> jimmy: helium balloons. [ light laughter ]
>> you fill it up and you're supposed to start taping things to it and tying things do it, and all these things. the only unfortunate thing is when you fill l mething up with helium, it floats up in the air. >> jimmy: yeah. >> which is where this bloated shark body now is, lying on my ceiling. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: never hooked up remote control part at all? >> it's got one fin -- [ laughter ] hanging off it like a drape. >> jimmy: we have a picture you took with your phone. thank you for this. >> here it is. >> jimmy: merry christmas, kids. there you go. [ laughter ] remote control flying shark. >> it's hours of fun. you see right here. it's a sprinkler in case there's a fire. in case it blows up. >> jimmy: the helium. yeah. don't put anything flammable next to it. a helium shark floating around the house. >> i is kind of like the s ser bowl or something. >> jimmy: it is like a blimp. >> that's what they should do actually at the super bowl. they should have that floating around in the sky.
>> jimmy: a giant shark. i would like that. that's a good idea. >> as opposed to goodyear. haven't we had enough of that? [ light laughter ] goodyear blimp? >> jimmy: yeah, i guess so. i don't know. >> let's move on. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: move on? i wanted to talk about something. because here i am, doing research. i'm down in the basement all day, looking through microfiche, doing research on you and all your work. and i go through this beautiful "l.a. times" article someone wrote about you. and i go, "i can't wait to talk to michael shannon about this." such a nice article they wrote. you said you have a little problem with the article. >> i was very flattered, honestly. you know, the "l.a. times" is a a great newspaper here in our nation. >> jimmy: absolutely. >> very reputable. >> jimmy: look at this, a whole page! >> beautiful story, right here. >> jimmy: all about you. >> nice picture from "99 homes." from "revolutionary road." my academy award nomination there, "take shelter", "boardwalk empire." >> jimmy: absolutely, yeah, yeah. >> here's a picture of me in my one man show playing jfk. >> jimmy: absolutely. >> except there's only one problem. that's not me.
i never did a one-man show about jfk. [ light laughter ] yeah, if you go in a little closer, you'll see this is fran tarkenton. [ laughter ] no, kidding. this is -- >> jimmy: wait, explore jfk in his on-stage -- i mean, it looks like jfk. >> looks like a grouchy, over-tired jfk. >> jimmy: this is not you, remotely. >> no, it is however another man named michael shannon. a fine actor named michael shannon who years ago, reached out to me very -- by mail, via post, and said, "hi, i'm an actor named michael shannon and i have been around a little longer than you, and i would really appreciate it if you would change your name. 'cause i feel like some day this is going to cause huge problems for both of us." and look -- >> jimmy: he's on the cover of e "l.a. times." yeah. congratulations, michael shannon. by the way, i will say, you were fantastic in the jfk one-man show. >> oh, thank you. [ light laughter ] you want me to do a little bit right now? >> jimmy: no, no, no, please.
>> i didn't know what to do. i was so hung over. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's enough, that's enough. that's enough. more than enough. yeah, please. i dodot want -- i don't want you to strain yourself here. i just want you to relax and have a good time. i do want to say congrats, again, on this golden globe nomination, this sunday. >> thank you. >> jimmy: always fun to go to these award shows. you show up and you wave and if you win the award, that's fantastic. if you don't, you're on the short list of fantastic performers like yourself. >> at least it's not in french. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: exactly. it's in english. you can talk, you can understand everybody. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: but, gosh, you play like an unlikable character in this film. >> he has to, unfortunately, during the mortgage crisis that struck us a few years back, my character, rick carver, has the unfortunate responsibility of evicting people from their homes once they have been foreclosed upon. and so that's not -- >> jimmy: that's not a fun job. >> not a pleasant thing to do. >> jimmy: no, but man, you're great in the film. and i want to show everyone a
here's michael shannon's character explaining how he thinks america works in "99 homes." take a look at this. >> you think america 2 2010 gives a flying rat's ass about carver or nash? uh-huh. america doesn't bail out the losers. america was built by bailing out winners. by rigging a nation of the winners for the winners by the winners. you go to church, nash? you go to church? >> sure. >> only 1 in 100 is going to get on that ark, son. and every other poor soul is gonna drown. i'm not gonna drown. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: michael shannon, everybody! there is is. golden globe nominated for "99 homes."
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our musical guests tonight are a grammy-nominated rock band who are out with their fourth album, "tell me i'm pretty." performing their single, "mess around," please welcome cage the elephant. [ cheers and applause ] ahh oh no ahh oh no ahh oh no no she don't mess a aund no she don't mess around oh st. louis california blue eyes yeah she's coming for ya
charm city oh lord wish she was my baby you know she'll drive you crazy yeah she's coming for ya no she don't mess around no she don't mess around ahh oh no ahh oh no ahh oh no no she don't mess around no she don't mess around the heat is rising and only getting hotter ready to blow i think i'll pour myself a glass of water let it flow she'll show you what she's made of yeah she's comin for ya she's gonna try to break ya
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: mymyhanks to kristen stewart, michael shannon, cage the elephant, and the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen, from philadelphia. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. and i hope to see you tomorrow. thank you so much. bye, guys. thanks.