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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  January 14, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am PST

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ashow,"e nd "thwsneomro." laher rotest p ijectids "r eg alon2". >>'t donou tch my cteompur. n' dot lk ooyat m cteompur. thistu sff isen svesiti. t >>shat'in fe. ll i' logut o. w>> youilgl lo out? goh,irl! i saidon d'tou tcht! i>> of stsoftsu tise mipanioulatn, esprsureoi pnt. >> 's sheot g mypp aixend! ow ,h! o reyou'he theck ee. tap a word ofic adve -- apl coue of in thgs,ic homide. om >> he.icid am i oerfficen b bbeardr an i h amistn parer. n >>e'o, hs. i ot'm n skihang yourd han raftet. thaco me on,am jes,et l'so. g
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er(ched s anauapplse) te>> s: phen snicegeeinou y.lo i inve seeoug y! s >>: tephenrdi hea aum roryo u'reed engag. i >>w. kno s >>: tephen ti wanteao sprd aru imoron culgratatedou y. o >> h. ph>> stee en: aryou aarnd aon er rodg esengagd? o, >> nre we a notag enged at di i ead h trhator rum. jit'sustom se randomag meazinci detoded say it one. day di i 'tdn allctuaynk thios mt itlieve .>> en steph: come on, thefo p llow-uonquestiha is w ht iseit waing for? ushe mhit tnk he'sre pttyec spial ife' hois gong t dobe hatter tn this. w >> tell,t'haces ni . hiwatcng? h >>e isin watchg. ph>> steen u: stepp to thepl ate.i haknow tott's nou yr, sportbu unt you nddersta o that,f ur cose. au (lr)ghte h
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o. ommy m bveelietd i a-nd - y >> mmomel bie.ved it te >> siphen: lovehe t way you a talkoubout yr mom.wa s she excited? he >> s i myought ne pho. on the ly way ine kw to dispel rtheumors was to usey mhe motran d herex ttrs convewiation th is this ex a ttrs conveation m withhey motr i hado tos ptli on tne forirhe ente worldo t skstop a minge quonestious abt it.ld ho'm on, i sorry. s >>entephat: thll's a r.ight do ack qui sue doku over here. s >> thitis wha t idexte to mym mo the other day. r i'lleadt i h ineroi vce. , oh y man,ou eemngagent?u yo wknowe lovear aon.we pray for hllim a theim te. t i be you. happywh 'ty didnel you tl mes firt. eysmile: fac oh, my gosh, mom,yo
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ohearn thene intert. ni defi ytelyouou w wld beay re befohe t ierntnet.e shd, saika o iy, see yngou goi to be on thev. t andol cbert.ok haay, i ve to go. ll teon aar i said hi. te >> sisphen: t thishect aual text? .>> yes >>ph stecaen: n i textou yr mom? y >> iere it s. s >>entephho: w isha cnce? myup ppy. r weedescu him.>> ph steisen: s thinc chae. hayou have cnce on t?here s >>: tephent is thayourog d? t yes,shat'nc chae.>> en steph: allig rht. that'sce chan. 'sthat our leittlpy pup, we sc reued him. m my-om ->> ph ste wen:s hat'here. nam kim. asian.
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r hedi prected texts goe to tocolber . y >>eah,ol cberto here. so... re you'.. happy. .. e... ga enntgeme... n >>o!(l teaughr) s >>:tephen and uere yoo. g n >>o! te >> sanphen: or opp ftunityor to you to talk her. again n >>ono, i dt't wanta to olk t om my .>> ph steen: you are known as -one of- al coo ponerst, no pjust aersonho w'sun fny. kyou're cind ofoolse becau ayou'rekelso li aun fnyso perno' whlss ao an actttraiveom wan,o' whsos al aee gk.yo uve do ha a geekep riutaton, gh rit? ik>> i le ghieeky tngs. >>ph steouen: yk geeut o on me sog?thin
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mm co lon, tord ofhe. rings>> ph steyoen: ku gee outn o olordef thgs rin? w >> i was tantingoe hav a tt livele conn rsatioe and sewho s wa btheigger lford o the ringsfa n.ha i lve aeittlam ge. t inkhi weul shodot bh quote our tefavoript exceroms fr thed lor of the ringsn ine of o theks boo e and sewhooe ds itet bter. u youl shod goir au (lr)ghte>> te s wphen:ell tshere'e. som tl gaunet.>> en steph: coome int mypa srloraid shelovo the t fly.le t me seet whaian chi tf.nk ois th w ishat frodot says he tifirst me heee sser goldbry, oh de slenr as a willow wand, ohea clanrer ther clearer wat, oh breadyhe tle carri pool ver ht dauger.sp tringd eam anwenter aft, awi
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avesau lghter. er (cheaps and )plause uli woefd dyinitelle purelou yr nd hars afte ts.hi t >>s hat wafubeauti l. ph>> ste yen:our turn.hi t. it i>>'my. sorrlo f rd othegs rin. 'sthatn wheheall toy bso gtoin the maiountn? gh(lauter) i i know, was tinhinkges gooni. so- i - i'm s.orry ph>> steen: veryar simil.ry ve sr.imila w, no ine "ridng alo 2"ou yy pla aad b-assnd ak kic atl litsse ain s thi movie.>> , yespo supsed to.>> ph steen:'m i ainssumg you 'tdidnt jus ushowp and start inpumpghipuncngeo i sumes it'hein tip scrt. m >>acy char ater is noon nsense p. co >>ph steen:on nonsese cop ul wod be. fun au (lghter)>> wa it eas grt fun.i
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g adinoup t the movieo s i ul woard le bn toeom cabfortle co and t nfidenwitht, i. te>> sphen:at accurhiely w iptou t. nd>> a s beeafau bec gseunsa sfety i rlyealo imprtant. hoi st this moviehr tee months. asit w l theast dayf oho sotingd anrothe p gpuy had tove lea and we had a newuy gme con ind a nohe kt'ws isur ot las daysh ngooti w, weere at day 90.he u comesp toe me liks alway saand yse' hersou yrun g and i o go t igrabndt a hes, say no,no o,, n no! iwhene giv youhi tsun g, ido edn't ne youo tewav it ou ar pnd,ointt i atpl peoe,do inn't pott it a yelours af ortme . r holsteunyour g. ywheneou'rdy rea u toset, ike ta it enst holer it. gthen iiveckt ba toe, m allri ght? d an lit's,ike, the lastay d. kn i haow wt'm i doing w aith gun.i d, sai'r youine gog to tellev oderybaty wh youd tole? mhe seaaid, yh,et safy.
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usat j ntow?an wd he las,ike, yeah, yeah. i went,ll reay? one sdecon. hey, cube. th did eew n prop guy j customeup u to yo and, say't don go in waitginwaiv tgheun gro aliund ke this n'and dot gooi pgntin ateo pple, podon't tint i atou yf?rsel an d heoo latked me andai sd, no.i ,saidt' thahas w itho tt,ugh 'r weee. don >>ph steden: diou yk kicis h s? as i >>he did t lsta daynd a heot g re fitd bu itt didn'te matr. ph>> stewen: nore you a a rh supe ero.ou >> yto have manyic ps.ture ph>> steen: is alwayee kp a oflot re pictus olif ounvia mndo e.wn her onbut tights it'dy han gh (lauter)th s is iyou, yl ou wilbeic kkings astrighr thee. , >> yesyou likehe ten x-m ivunerse.>> ph steien: o. d w hooudo ynk thi atbouhe tla
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lis thi but ggeuys to t wearcl othing ewhveryere.>> l i wilay s, boneing theet s, t whenshe guy have toak te offei thr, shirtethers i more ss strefo than r thels gir. u yo thaveeao lutn o soou yoo lkto anugh yd if aourege bigr,o n wione sllayth anying bseecau r it'sude. hebut t guys have to be rdippe th and ere is ad nee to besi ckx-pads any' thereay alws g doinhu pusps and -- ph>> stellen: teou me ab itt. 's it o a lottrf sess.>> s it'ofa lot es strrs fo es thyse gu .>> ph steden: di youet g supert fiyto pla this part? i >>. did e thnnbegi oingef tho mvie, i dlookntiffere. if youch wat theie movsnt uil e thin beg oningfy m fightne sce,i t los12 ptsoin. en whrt i staed iho t,ught i'm a tarelablect airess, can eat evwhater. i ias wac bkstage eatinge a don dthe ang sayin i'm not a ml,ode i'm an a,ctress i'mel re.atablat tht's wha il telys melf.
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d dayoingar mtialrt as and swordtr .ainingi lostpo 12-.und fe i erel vtry s aongnd it's an es aw fomengeeli.>> ph stei en: dwoul w not aavegu n atou y. d >> gon't woavin ygourun gik le isth ! s >>enteph:li ovia, tshank for in bege. her t >>s hankucso m lh, iove it! >> sphteolen: ivian mun! id "rg e alonns2" openw natio iderr tomo
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iv olrde gas en'wall-neav fledorfillta pass, rwiths aviolieso nic fwethilled ceem twi .rs bu wtinginith lgduflent orav sli ckke chisaen maravla rioli, s ormomoked lazzarelic manotti. uspl unledimitad salan ead brckdsti ngarti2. at $1 99. lifor a d mitetime. veat olin. garde nei o ed teccollyot hour p nes ysoanou c p'tt osespictur. cr[s]eams w hot does ifeo el t not cbectonne?ed c my hhesturts. t lehome su w yobea aytter wke to neep concted. 20the he16 cruvy cerze offbus t ilg in 4wilte -fi at thon cctne ts updeo 7 s.vice rrcuquent iealif ld gmesesse ca a n get ndsign ave drise lea s on thiquwell-e ipped e cruztelimid fo ndr arou9 $17moper nth.
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d (bang)playinhe (cd ers anauapplse) s >>: tephenomwelccke ba , neeveryo.le
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anhu"stay man." n, jo s you toundc errifihaon t tan pitoo t.nigh>> janon: th sk you,.tephen(c anheers aud applse) s >>entephu : yoi'know, enve oft gh thou it thatulf i co ad playny ca musirul insti ment, would. j >>aton: whto if i ild youul coh d teac pyou toanlay pio inne niy eass?step ph>> sted en: i' wsay,a?haaa!i' td lovetho see at. el >> flowud stents,on i'm j st batie. om welce toia pno0- i'day inm goog tch teaou yo tpl ay piano orw- flocamelodi.on e, iifdentying ofno pia. o pian 8 has8ey ks, 52 white and b 36lack. ifr youno pia has six sgstrin, at th's ata guir,y mri fend. ouname yrn imestrunt!
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an (bind playg)(c s heerapand seplau) s >>: tephene welcom.back ex my nest gu at isr, write to ac cr, andn,omediata and sr of owthe shli "sivacon lley". sthisy undabehe'll hosting
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re were a on your fitavoreco 'smedian show.>> en stephyb: everkeody lisu. yoyo lou're b uwingp.yo heu're t host of the cicritsch ceoird awa.>> i am.m i'ng blowip. uyo hau may live a cpr. d . te >> sphen: weo dhave ap. cliho culd welip it up?>> en steph i: thiss younn wisting la year " fornsilicova lley." i >>ht thoug i g was toingo lose so i a ateot l. k thanryyou veh. mucwo i uld say tthhat ewa afords r chthe enildr bseecau cnhildrear e agi tanblese repren ntatioofac enhievemhet wreas aadultssh etould sr tle fo pthentresided an aiodmiratfn o their. peerst buo what dino kw?
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o thanne suit! er(ched s anauapplse) s >>entepho: sou y'reel tling me your w dife'toesn like thisin ? i>>t notha tt she't doesnik le it. stshe ju hesat it.>> ph steen:au (lghter) te >> senphu: yoor wonked the il "s vicony"allew. sho>> i did. s >>enteph y: dot ou wantota rlk o just drip for ale whibe t.>> 's letp dri for aec sond. s >>entepht': les drip a forse .condrr r>>ve i haee bnn o rtheoadnd a i ve ha beensi clohng wit ait b ed callle skendton has, and if
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kthan y.ou i soe havbeenlo csingh wits thit bie on thd, roaup stand, and c it'sdallel skeetonan hds, and w ias wriondeifng youan wted to i dotht wi me. s >>enteph:e. sur wa i sd tol you had stokelen s handand'm iet quiin durg it? cl i ose mys? eye ou >> y y closeour eyes andk loo rd towa as, mericaallig rht. s >>:tephenin aga, iav he no ea ids what'togoing pe hapn.te ell me wifie lov her. hi>> tuls wo sd beeio wfrd ith s is ithe w yayou died. s >>:tephen yep. logot a ggt of e one. mwe y 'll treit lik t.his okay.os cle yourye w openm, thend a t justrust stme, ephe n. ph>> stepeen: on my eyes? . yeah hestephin, tnes is ohe of tgr steatets momen of my life.
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i --gh (lauter) s i guesinom see cas thisll reay davalimetes as aed com.iango ood, lk ats. thi..(l teaughr) 21the nnst aual ccsriti cehoic ar awdsd sunay on a e amp andli mefeti ! mit. j. ller,on everye!'l weigl be rhtk! bac er (cheaps and )plause ecconn. tion thand twe newaork rns bo. enth c, wectonneored md e anmorelepeop l untiecit bclame thear heat ttwnewaork t s nod a faluor axury t busia bamac hucen ney.ssit d anatso, ui&t b nlt arketwo, st ju y forou. thone onat cs nect fyouryamil frand s.iend.. yo usur bseinesevs, d..ices.
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stheyenay d 7ny'spe-pepr ic spily skislet zy cracy spi , bu w t hoy crazd b.. y'denncrs new spazy skicy illet. dey'nns. omwelc ae to'smerica. diner
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lg ge loncor me as atce pri. , wellalactudoly it es... it but t 's jus$9.99 honew t otshsk whiicy chken ebappl gee's &rill f baritavores a madee littl fbetter.or you fe g aturinshnew dies ed loadh wit,flavor an und all decar 650 .lories yours dream,evolve thand wi comttmiuped srtpo, th hrey tive.
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te>> s: phenw,and nong singi a rosong fhim bus allom, "i ve h you,aroneybe." es ladi g andementlfaen, therjo ishn mty! >> a ntnciey holwars rdeadioelighons, uslocats ew nes regimid, old ealsth nat'sh,ow myt t' thares now al in orig, al sinc genetifate r utevol, ionsngspinnis plate 's itta imporo nt tnfstay iormed
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