tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC November 4, 2015 11:37pm-12:37am CST
[ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- ralph fiennes, second lady of the united states dr. jill bidid, music from against me! featuring the 8g band with jon theodore. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is good to hear. let's get to the news. ohio voters yesterday rejected a proposal that would have legalized both recreational and medical marijuana. pot advocates were so devastated that there was hardly a dry mouth in the house. [ laughter ] the failed pro-legalization movement in ohio had drawn
a mascot named buddy, who had the body of a superhero with a clump of marijuana for a aead. [ light laughter ] and i think we actually have a picture of buddy. there he is. [ laughter and applause ] there's buddy. donald trump is in trouble after he re-tweeted a post from a twitter follower calling jeb bush jose and showing bush next to a nazi flag. even crazier, the follower he re-tweeted was @ @albencarson. [ laughter ] the latest polls show jeb bush has the worst favorability rating of any candidate, democrat or republican. and honestly, i don't quite understand why he's so unpopular. [ light laughter ] i mean, he has political experience, he's's decent speaker, he's relatively moderate, he has big donors. [ laughter ] well, i guess we'll never know
why he's so unpopular. [ cheers and applause ] itit a mystery. it remains a mystete. bernie sanders said this week that he is extraordinarily proud to represent vermont in the senate, but i think he's just angling to get his own ben & jerry's flavor. [ laughter ] and the great thing about ice cream socialists, there's enough for everybody. [ light laughter ] jeb bush also has his own flavor. vanilla. [ light laughter ] after reports that he is in financial trouble, marco rubio said today that his only debt in the world is the mortgage on h home in miami. well, that and he owes geppetto for turning him into a real boy. [ laughter ] marco rubio pointed out today that three of the top four top gop candidates come from minority backgrounds, which speaks to the diversity of the republican partyty and you know what? 's right. rubio is hispanic, ben carson is
black and ted cruz is half elf. [ laughter ] today is puff daddy's birthday, or as he calls it, his b-diddy. [ light laughter ] oh, wait, i just heard he's now calling it his sean birthday combs. [ light laughter ] a company y s come out with a new waffle maker that cooks batter in the shape of the death star from "star wars." and if you want one, make sure to yell it loud enough for your mom to hear you upstairs. [ laughter ] "i want death star waffles! i want them! it combines my two favorite things! [ laughter ] no, not the death star, 'star wars'! i hate the death star! [ laughter ] what do you mean, 'why'? it represents evil! ugh! [ laughter ] yeah, i don't want to come
all right, i'm coming! [ panting ] i'm not coming, i can't do it!" noted sex expert dr. ruth westheimer this week said she does not endorse threesomes. to which i say, just give me another chance. i was so nervous. [ laughter ] so nervous all the time. obviously you being there raises the stakes so high. [ light laughter ] give me another kiss. and finanay, a woman in california posted a picture that went viral this weekend showing her engagement ring which her fiance made using a tooth instead of a diamond. even worse, that is his three months' sasary. ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight! [ cheers and applause ] from the new james bond film "spectre," one of my favorite actors, ralph fiennes is with us this evening.
[ cheers and applause ] she is here to talk about "heads up america," an initiative for free access to two years of community college. the second lady of the united states, dr. jill biden joioi us this evening. [ cheers and applause ] and one of my favorite rock bands, against me! is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and they are fantastic. look forward to that. now it was election day yesterday, and residents in houston voted to repeal a citywide non-discrimination law callll the houston equal rights ordinance, or h.e.r.o., which attracted national attention. for more on this story, it's time for "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] the h.e.r.o. law had a wide base of support across the country. esident obama said h h supported it, and a long list of companies came out in favor of it, too, including apple, general electric and even hewlett-packard. although hp didn't issue a formal statement because they couldn't get their printer to work.
so what did the law do? it prohibited discrimination in workplaces, housing and public accommodations, such as bathrooms, on the basis of 15 different characteristics, including g ce, age, and sexual l orientation. but it was gender identity that opponents had a problem with. >> let's go to houston, where an ordinance designed to protect the rits of gay and transgender people t tt drew support from the white house, fafaed to pass. >> voters reject a proposal to protect lgbt people from discrimination at housing, jobs and other areas. >> opponents said it would allow men, claiming to be women, to use women's bathroros and pose some kind of risk. >> opponents use the slogan, "no men in women's bathrooms" to fight the proposed law. >> seth: that's right, opponents of the law claimed falsely that the bill would allow anyone of any gender to walk into any bathroom they wanted. the idea is known as the bathroom myth and the anti-h.e.r.o. ads focused heavily on it. let's take a look at one. >> steve owns a gym in houston.
but if proposition one pasass, steve will be forced to open the women's locker room to anyone who claims a female identity. >> seth: first of all, shout out for the poor artist who had to draw that [ bleep ] cartoon. [ laughter ] "we want it to, like, look like a dude who is barely trying to look like a lady, but you can totally still tell he's a dude. give him a ponytail, lot of eye makeup, you get it." [ laughter ] so the ads focused exclusively on the bathroom issue even though the law had nothing to do with that. there's also no evidence that this has ever been a problem in places that do have these laws. but unfortunately the ads worked. as one houstononesident told buzzfeed, quote, "the only thing that i have heard is that it allows men who dress up like women going into the ladies room. if a person woke up one day and said, i identify as a woman, he could just go into the bathroom to see b bty." [ laughter ] you know, i've never been in a woman's restroom, but i'm guessing the booties aren't just out for everyone to look at.
you're doing something wrong. [ laughter ] also the restroom is the five minutes of the day you don't want to see the booty. that's when the booty is busy. [ laughter and applause ] more importantly, the idea that you could go into a bathroom and do anything other than use the toilet is already illegal in houston. >> it's alreadada crime to go into the opposite sex's bathroom in houston unless you're just using the toilet. and it has been for decades. in june, 1972, houston city councicimade it illegal to use the opposite sex's restroom to cause a disturbance. which could be almost anything other than using the toilet. >> seth: but -- and this is important -- if you cause a disturbance using the toilet, you're fine. ich is good, becausesef causing a disturbance while using the toilet in a restroom is illegal, they could lock up anyone who has ever eaten at chipotle. [ laughter ]
we're all at risk. [ applause ] now, it t uld be wrong to paint houston as an intolerant city. it's not fair. houston's three-term mayor and supporter of the law, annise parker, is openly gay, so how could a city that elected a gay mayor vote against this law? well, according to o oonents of the law, such as david welch, a houston pastor, they made a mistake on that election. >> whad allowed a lesbian mayor to be elected because most of the churches were asleep and just didn't care. >> seth: let that be a lesson. doze off in church, and you might wake up to a lesbian mayor. [ laughter ] "but i just closed my eyes during the hymns." doesn't matter, lesbian mayor. [ laughterer so the scare tactics worked. and the houston law failed, and even worse, opponents of transgender equality are using the same tactics throughout the country that they used in houston. just listen to republican presidential candidate mike huckabee talking about laws like this one earlier this year. >> now i wish someone had told me when i was in high school
showers in p.e. i'm pretty s se i would have found my feminine side and said, "coach, i think i'd rather shower with the girls today." >> seth: mike huckabee, you a creep. [ laughter ] for real -- [ cheers and applause ] just to clarify -- just to clarify your position, if it had been legal, you would have gone into the locker room to shower with the girls, and you think they would have just stayed. [ laughter ] anyway, if that sounds cool to any of you, he's running for president. [ laughter ] even simple attempts to accommodate transgender people have come under attack. look at how fox news reacted last year when illinois state university wanted to re-label its family bathrooms as gender-neutral bathrooms, using this symbol to accommodate transgender students. fox went out on the street to try to prove that the new signs were confusingngnd no one took the bait. >> if this was on a door, would you have any idea what this meant?
>> maybe a family restroom? >> family restroom, that's exactly right. and apparently now they're goioi to be known as all-gender restrooms. does that make sense? >> restrooms for both genders. >> that's right. both gendersr transgender. >> transgendnd, that's correct. >> transgender. all ririt, so -- all right. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] "okay, so i think i -- uhh -- i think i made my point. this is steve doocy. can i come back inside now?" [ laughter ] at the end of the day, campaigns like the one in houston are powerful reminders that for lgbtq people, there's still a lot more work to be done to fight against both discrimination and terrible cartoons. this has beeee"a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more "late night."
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our first guest is an academy award-nominad actor, who you know from "t grand budapest hotel" and the "harry potter" franchise. starting friday, you can see him as "m" in the highly anticipated james bond film "spectre." let's take a look. >> mexico city. what we you doing there? >> that's just a coincidence. i was taking some overdue
>> okay, fine. as of morning, you are officially grounded. i'm standing you down from all operations indefinitely. very good, sir. >> seth: please welcome e ck to the show ralph fiennes. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: thank you so much for being here. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> seth: i'm so excited to have you back. now, this is very important -- >> yes. >> seth: because the first time you were on the show, we talked about your film "in bruges", a film i love a great deal. i talked about -- i got you to commit to an "in bruges" reunion show. >> yes. >> setet since you did that, colin farrell, in. brendan gleeson, in.
i need to make sure -- i'm confirming, i'm re-confirming with you that you're in. >> i'm in. >> seth: okay, great. >> 100%. >> seth: i don't know when we're doing it, but i know we have`a ten year anniversary coming up and maybe save the date. i don't know. >> i'll be there. i'i' be there. thank you. >> seth: i'm so happy. so this is "james bond." you're playing "m" in this film. you were eight years old the first time you saw a bond film. is this correct? >> yeah, my dad took me to the local cinema to see "on her majesty's secret service." >> seth: excellent. >> and i flipped over it. i loved it. i'd never seen anything like it. but my mum wasn't so approving. she thought james bond was a pathetic male fantasy. [ light laughter ] >> seth: did she tell you that when you came home? that must be such a disappointing thing to hear. >> she had this habit of sort of raising her eyes to heaven in frustration. "oh, bond." [ lalahter ] >> seth: which is funny, because that's basically what "m" does with bond throughout the film. >> "m" has -- bond is sort of insubordinate and does his own thing. so i think, in the t2adition of "m," i think judi dench was always dealing with an insubordinate bond. and i think i've takak on the me -- >> seth: it's very nice -- >> -- problem.
>> seth: -- that you get to have all the problems. but this is -- i will say this film is exciting, because as "m," you have a little bit more action in this film. you actually get to participate in some action. >> yeah, and i didn't know that when we started filming. it was one of the longest filming schedules i'i'ever experienced. we started in december of 2014 and finished in july of this year. >> seth: wow. >> and i -- the script kept on changing, it kept on e elving all while we were shooting. when i started filming, i had an okay ending. you know, i was around. i was doing a lot of looking. [ light lauger ] then suddenly i got this draft where i got these cool ononliners and i had a gun in my you know, the boys like that stuff. [ light laughter ] >> seth: it's very -- it's great. and you look very natural. i'm not just saying that. you look very natural with a gun in your hand. you didn't look at all like you were scared. >> what can i say? "in brugug", you see. >> seth: "in bruges", that's right. we'll you're very -- you're a very hard character in that. you had a lot of gun work in that. >> i had a gun in my hand. >> seth: you did. now did you -- after you saw "bond" wn you were eight, did you -- by the way, you saw on your -- was it "on her majesty's secret >> that's right.
do you remember -- it was a roger moore bo called "octopussy." >> yes. >> seth: which is -- >> how can i forget? >> seth: i, to this day, can't believe that was the title of a film. [ laughter ] my dad said, "we'r'rgoing to go see a 'james bond' movie." and i thought, that's so cool, what it's called? and he said, "octopussy." and i was just -- my head went crazy. [ light laughter ] i lost my mind. but did you read the books then, after the fact? >> i knew all the books inside ouou i was a teenage bond nerd.d. and i could answer -- i can't now, so don't quiz me. >> seth: okay, i won't. >> i used to know the names of all the girls, and all the baddies, and everything like that. >> seth: they're fantastic books to read as a kid. i read them as well. they're wonderful. was your mom disappoinind you read the books? >> no, my mum -- because m mdad was reading me very traditional british authors -- rudyard kipling, john buchan, robert louis stevenson. it was my bedtime treat, was my dad read to me. which was great. and then i saw the bond fifi and i wawaed to know about bond. he said, "well, i have these books." he showed me on the book shelf, there were these hard-back copies of james bond, first editions, "the man with the gogoen gun." "daddy, daddy, canan -- would
you read me 'james bond'?" "yes, of course, i will." so he read me bond, the first installment. i didn't really understand it. of course, i felt i was very grown up, having it read to me. i went to school, came back the next day and my dad was in the garden. he was scything, or mowing the lawn. and i rushed up, "daddy, daddy, can we have 'james bond' tonight?" and he -- "bring me that book." i brought "the man with the golden gun." he ripped d up in front of me.. ananhe threw it over theheedge. i looked very -- i think i must have been very shaken. i said, "what's wrong, daddy?" "go ask your mother, she'll tell you." so, i went to my mother and said, "what's the problem with this book, this 'james bond' book?" she said -- she explained to me that she had done advanced reading in the book, and there's a second chapter where there's a dossier on the villain, called scaramanga, who is a paid d assassin. >> seth: uh-huh. >> in the dossier it says, "the scaramanga likes to have sex before he kills somebody, because it improves his eyes." [ light laughter ] and of course, my mother, who was a committed catholic, this
wawaobscene and upsetting. so, no more james bond. [ laughter ] >> seth: what i like to think of is your neighbor seeing a torn up "goldeneye" in their lawn and wondering, "oh, no, the fiennes have had it out again over james bond." [ [ ght laughter ] 20 years ago, i heard that you actually had a meeting about playing james bond, but you believed it was not the right part for you. >> yeah, i mean -- it's the past. i think i had a very happy and constructive discussion with barbara broccoli and i met her dad, cubby broccoli. but in the end, i think, you know -- it didn't happen. i can't tell you why. but i sort of don't think i'm really b bd material. >> seth: you were in a film i love, called "the constant gardner", which is john le carre. ich i feel like is the opposite fleming, ofofhe british spy books. >> i love john le carre. in fact, when playing "m," i kind of -- in my imagination, i like to reference this "m" as a sort of le carre-esque figure. >> seth:h:es, well le carre is
like comometely different -- like, his s ies work very slowly. they never have sex with anyone. in fact, while they're working, their wives are having sex with other people. [ laughter ] that's what i sort of love -- when you read one after the other -- >> that's true. >> seth: and it's fantastic. and i think "the constant gardner", whicici thought was such a wonderful part as well. it must be fun to play this sort of slow -- >> i love that part. for me, he's a real hero. i thought, this is a man who actually makes a point of not having a gun. >> seth: right. >> and i love that about this character. i love -- he's called justin quayle. he's a british diplomat. and he's not a tough guy at all, but he proves he's tough inside when he chbses the killers of his wife just because he wants to do the ririt thing. 'cause nothing about him is macho, particularly, except he's got an internal strength, an inner-heroism. that's what i thought wbs very moving about him and the story. >> seth: it was a fantastic film. now you -- i know you do a lot of press for films. and recently you were at the venice film festival, and you're promoting a different film. >> yeah. >> seth: and i'd like to show what you did first and then you can explain how it came to this.
>> seth: well -- yes. [ laughter ] let's take a look. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: so what exactly -- what went down there? >> i think i still had the sort of residue of the role i played in the film, a guy called harry, who's a record p pducer. and i haha a moment in the filil where i just dance everywhere. i think in these photo calls, and these -- they're all kind of weird, and all these cameras flashing. and i just thought, "well, i'm going to amuse myself." [ laughter ] >> seth: i was worried, yeah. watching it, i was like, "oh, no, he had a nervous breakdown. he did too much press, and he was on the line, and he had a nervous breakdown." it was nice to see what a wonderful dancer you were. so -- >> i had fun. and i thought, "well, why not have --"-" otheheise you look so stririen on t tse things. >> seth: yes. >> and they're all yelling your name from different corners of the room. and these things are flashing. and you feel like you're sort of trapped, like a rat in a barrel sometimes.
very calmly going down - - >> they hate it, they never -- >> seth: the person you just passed starts screaming your name again. even when you've established a pattern. >> i know. >> seth: they're very angry. although, it's still better -- i remember, sort of,f,hen i first was on television, and i would sometimes walk down those lines and you could realize they didn't actually want to take my picture. but out of courtesy, they sort of say my name and then, like, not even take a picture, but just hit thehelash a few times. [ light lauguger ] i'm like, it's digital, it's not even costing you film. now, sort of when you -- [ laughter ] but nowadays it's different. now they take lots of pictures of me. you also -- is this true, that you're playing the part of "alfred"? that you're gonna voice "alfred"? >> i am. >> seth: in "the lego movie." >> i am. seth: this is very y citing. 'cause this is -- when we're talking about great british roles, you certainly have "james bond", you have "m." "alfred, the butler" is really one of the biggest of all time. >> i know. i'm very excited. i think alfred might be related
>> seth: oh,h,ery good! yes, from "grand budapest." >> "grand budapest hotel." >> seth: oh, that's very nice. because really, it's kind of sad. i was thinking, probably the most famous british character in comic books is the butler to batman. >> yeah. >> seth: that's not fair at all. so, hopefully -- >> we're a good service industry. [ laughter ] in the u.k. >> seth: you class it up. you class up gotham. if it wasn't for you, that place would be a nigigmare. >> we know how to serve e a in the u.k. >> seth: well, i look forward to that. and congratulations on the film. and thank you so much for being back. you're on the books now for this reunion. >> i am, i'm here. >> seth: alright, great. >> make it happen. >> seth: ralph fiennes, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] "spectre" will be in theaters and imax starting november 6th. we'll be righthtack with dr. jill biden. [ cheers and applause ] star light star bright, the first star i see tonight i wish i may, i wish i might,
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest is a full-time community college professor and the second lady of the united states. she is also a driving force behind " "ads up america," a campaign t tbuild support for president obama's plan to provide two years of free community college. please welcome to the show dr. jill biden. [ cheers and applause ] how are you? >> i'm great. you here. >> well, thank you. >> seth: this is a very exciting >> it is. it is. community college free foror students over the course of two years.
it's so dear to your heart. >> well, i am a community college professor. i've been teaching or 30 years. and i'm stilteaching ll-time, and so we want to make college affordable and accessible for all americans. so if you have -- [ cheers and applause ] so a lot of college students tonight who are watching go to headsupamerica.us and look it up, because it's for you. it's free for you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: very exciting. now, another very exciting thing is you p p together a psa and you have some very recognizable faces. and i'd love to show it real quick. >> okay, great. >> seth: here's a look at the psa. >> i'm elaine switser. >> i'm christina thompson. >> i go to community college. >> i go o community college.. >> heads up! >> the average college graduate has $28,000 in debt. >> that's great. you're doing good. >> there is a plan to make two years of community college free. >> free. >> free. >> free for thososwilling to work for it. >> community college! for everyone! >> that means more americans are
able to get the knowledge and skills they need -- >> -- to get the job they want. >> join the movement. >> join the movement. >> join the movement at headsupamerica.us. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: you got the president. >> seth: that was the president in there. >> that was the president. yes, he's behind it. he's totally behind it. and actually the student who was in that video is in the audience, with her mom. both of them went to community college together. >> seth: oh, welcome! [ cheers and applause ] >> together! >> seth: so happy you guys are here. now, of course, with any initiative, you have people who are, of course, enthusiastically behind it, and then you'll have people who ask, "how do you pay for something like this?" it's supposed cost $60 billion over the course of 10 years. how do you answer that question of "how will this be paid for?" >> so the president's plan closes tax loopholes to pay for it. but different states have come up with different initiatives, so different states, like -- cities like chicago and my home
philadelphia and tennessee have all come up with their own plans, a a so we're finding different ways to fund it and take it across the country. >> seth: that's excellent. now, you mentioned that you are a community college professor. and i'm so impressed because you are the first second lady in history to still collect a paycheck while your husband was the vice president. >> yes. >> seth: you did not stop working at any point over these last years. >> no. no. i was actually in the classroom one week after the inauguration. >> seth: now, are your students -- are their minds blown whenenhey realize who their teacher r ? like, when they see dr. jill biden, are they like, "whoa?" >> no, actually, i think most of my students don't really know that i'm the secd lady. [ laughter ] because last semester during the spring semester, i had a girir come in and say, "dr. b, dr. b." she said, "last night i saw you on the television with michelle obama. and i said to my mother, 'mom, momo there's my english h teacher!'' and she said, 'that's the second lady! that's not your english
teacher!'" [ light laughter ] so i found out that most of my students don't even know. >> seth: that's fantastic. even though the class is called "why the second ladydys the most important person to watch." [ laughter ] it's crazy to me that they haven't figured out. it does feel weird saying it, you do not love the title, the econd lady." >> no. >> seth: and i completely understand. >> right. >> seth: it sounds like the title of a jane austst novel. [ laughter ] >> i know, it's, like, so archchc. >> seth: it really is. >> where did they come up with that? >> seth: it doesn't feel like you should be eating with everybody. >> no. no, i like "captain of the vice squad." >> seth: oh, "captain of the vice squad." that's way better. [ cheers and applause ] >> good, they like it, too. >> seth: that, like, rivals the taylor swift squad. i feel like you should have some sort of -- >> oh, yes, i'm right there with taylor swift. >> seth: obviously you stepped into this role of second lady, and i'm sure there is no sort of guidebook to how to go about it. do they give you protocols when you take this job, as far as, like, "hey, so you are the second lady. you are the caption of vice squad."
how do you go about -- >> well, the beauty of it is i can do whatever i want to do. so i have followed my passions and i've worked for education in community colleges and for military families. because ththbidens are a military family. and michelle is interested in military families, so she and i got together and we formed joining forces, and go all over america and try t tcreate areness of the resilience of our american military families. >> seth: i have some photos of -- here's a photof both families having convertion. and thth seems to be you andndhe first lady having a fun time there. you do seem to genuinely be close. is that the case? although i'm realizing as i asked you wouldn't come elean and tell me if it wasn't. [ laughter ] >> no, yes, i would. i would. >> seth: you would, okay. >> i would come clean. but you know, i think people know michelle. she's fun. she's warm. she's friendly. we travel, like i said, all over the country to visit with military families. and we have a good time
we just make it fun. so, you know, i love her friendship. >> seth: you're very lucky, and that's a wonderful thing to hear. now, your husband, the ce president, who was a guest on my first show, which was so lovely of him to do, he's known as sort of a prankster. and i hear that you as well -- you have worn disguises in the white house. is this true? >> yesesi have worn several disguises in the white house. >> seth: for what purpose? [ laughter ] what are you trying to get away with? [ laughter ] so when you walk in they're like, "hey, that's the@ second lady! get back to your little table!" [ laughter ] >> well -- >> seth: "you don't eat with us!" >> actually, it just makes it kind of fun so that people don't recognize me, so i've worn a grinch costume. when we e d a press party, i came out in a red wig. they started calling me "rusty." you know, so i've come up with all kinds of costumes. >> seth: that's great. i have something else i have to ask you about. of course, it seems like for a year the question was whether or
to run for president. and he recently announced that he would not. and you said, to some degree, you were upset by that because you thought he would make a great t esident. >> i still think he'd make a really terrific president. [ cheers and applause ] oh, thank you! thank you. >> seth: with that said, you must have some relief that youou don't have to now be spending the next year on this campaign trail, because i don't know if you've been watching the news, it's insane out there. [ laughter ] >> well, you know, actually, i've done 13 campaigns betwewe my son's campaign for attorney general and my husband's campaign for senate and then for vice president. so i'm used to campaigns, so i was up for it. >> seth: okay. >> but it just didn't work out. >> seth: well, i'm so happy that we got eight years of service with him in the white house. either way, it's wonderful. and we were so lucky. and again, i would neverall you a second lady. >> oh, thank you. >> seth: i know i said it a few times today, but i never believed that, not for a second. at worst, you were 1b.
i've referred to you as that a few times. but even that -- like, i feel like "tied for first." "tied for first." [ light laughter ] and i'm hoping that you being on this late night talk show will help with yoururort of -- when yoyogo back to school and teach, you'll have more of a profile there. [ laughter ] people will say, "oh, you were on 'late night with seth meyers.'" >> yeah, because who else would be up at 12:30 but college students? >> seth: exactly. right now the people who arere watchingnghis are not doing yoyo homework. just think about that. [ laughter ] they're using this as a distraction. thank you so much. it's such an honor to have you here. >> thanks. >> seth: and congratulations on "heads up, america." best of luck with all of it. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> seth: the second lady of the united states -- nay, the "captain of the vice squad." dr. jill biden, everyone. for more information about heads up america visit headsupamerica.us. we'll be right back with music from "against me!" [ cheers and applause ] hanes underwear and sockss with revolutionary x-temp technology
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[ cheers and applause ] >> setn: welcome back to "late night," everybody. give it t for the "8g band." how are yoyoguys? [ cheers and applause ] also back with us tonight on drums from queens of the stone age, jon theodore is with us again. [ cheers and applause ] jon, always a pleasure to have you here. now, do you guys read the news? because i found out -- and i don't know if you do this, too, but a lot of times i've realized i'll just read the headlines. and the first couple paragraphs of an article, i get the gist and i'll just move on to the next one. but the truth is there's really valuable information if you read to the end of an article. let me show you what i'm talking
"last line of the news story." [ applause ] let's get started with some political news. "obama again delays afghanistan troop drawdown." so the top paragraphs explain the u.s. will stop its military withdrawal from afghanistan. that will keep more than 5,000 troops in the country throughout the end of his presidency. so let's go to the last line of the news story. s he left the press s confererce, obama flicked his lit cigarette to the ground and muttered, "it's hillary's problem now." [ laughter and applause ] see that? huge quote, if you read all the way to the end of the news story. turning towards trtrel news, "dogs and cats can now go choo-choo. amtrak tests pets on the rails." so amtrak will start testing a program next year allowing people to bring dogs and cats on trains for a six-month trial prograra let's gogoo the last line in the news story. "amtrak president joseph h. boardman was very upbeat about the new program saying, 'so now you can have all the great service of amtrak plus a car loaded with random dogs
[ laughter and applause ] up next, some college news, editorial. "sorry, malia obama." so brown university student newspaper issued an apology to malia obama after it published a photo showed the next daughter standing next to a beer pong table during her college visit. let's go to the last line of the news story. "in closing, the editorial board of the 'brown daily herald' would like to reflect on how weak-ass and ratchetett was to publish those pics. it is our firm belief that the privacy of every student is mad important. as we continue to promote campus life that is fleek as hell, sometimes when you're on that journalism grind, you make mistakes. in conclusion, swerve, swag money, and turn up. those solo cups, doe. the 'brown daily herald.'" [ laughter and applause ] it's nice of them to apologize. in science news, gene editing could make pig-to-human organ transplants a reality. so according to a new study, a a technique could remove the hurdles for animals to be organ donors for humans. let's go down to the last line of the news story. "'could'?
said pennsylvania pig farmer alan caldwell, the man with the corkscrew penis." [ audiencecehs ] [ laughter ] sticking with science news, people who order coffee black are more likely to be psychopaths. so a recent study found that people who take their coffee black are more likely to possess psychotic personality traits. let's go to the last line of the news story. "'i don't think that's true at all,' sa republican presidential candidate, dr. ben carsrs, who then took a gigit gulp of black coffee from his mug. 'now, here are my thoughts on muslims.'" [ laughter ] and finally, on meat news, "'processed meats do cause cancer,' says w.h.o. the world health organization said that beef, lamb, pork, and processed meats, like bacon, can cure cancer. let's go down to the last line of the story. "'so first, alan caldwell of pennsylvania takes my penis and now i hear i caused cancer,' said a local pig." "'what a week. oink.'" [ laughter ] this has been "last line of the news story." we'll be right back with more "late night."
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and nowhere to go walking the streets all alone another night to wish you could forget making yourself up as you go along who's gonna takak you homemeonight who's gonna take you home who's gonna take you home tonight who's gonna take you home does god bless your transsexual heart true trans soul rebel
you're already dead you sleep with a gun beside you in bed you follow it through to the obvious end slit your veins wide open you bleed it out who's gonna take you homemeonight whwhs gonna take you home who's gonna take you home tonight who's gonna take you home does god bless your transsexual heart true trans soul rebel you should've been a mother you should've been a wife
you should've been gone from here years ago you should be living a different life who's gonna take you home tonight who's gonna take you home who's gonna take you home tonight who's gonna take you home who's gonon take you home tonight who's gonna take you home does god bless your transsexual heart true trans soul rebel true trans soul rebel [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: against me! the album, "23 live sex acts",