tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS October 1, 2015 11:50pm-12:53am EDT
said "my bad." jim: the ravens will return home 10, 11 days to be hosting a week from sunday the cleveland browns. in many respects may have saved their season. let's go to tracy. tracy: thanks so much. joe, to come back down 13 on the road against your bitter rival, steve smith sr., talk about the fight in this team that they howed tonight. joe: you know, i think you could see it. it's crazy. we can come in here and throw the ball a little bit. typical ugly game that you play if pittsburgh. i don't know why you expect or anything else. it's what you're going to get. and you're going to have to be out. o grind it it's who can stay mentally tough. y, i turn it would ball over two times. in this type of game that usually loses the game for you ig-time. you usually can't recover from
that. you have to give it to our defense down the road. obviously they kept going for it. they didn't want to kick the ball there. we'd got an little bit closer and maybe played more aggressive down the stretch. i went to the sideline i said let him win the game. he's probably the best kicker in and you have to let him do what he did. talked about ch just getting out of the rut. how much confidence does this you guys going forward? joe: it's a big win. pretty confident group no matter what but anytime fight through one like thksst -- it definitely does a the young team that we have. getting gratulations your first win. joe: thanks. jim: so flacco victorious. coming in and trying to learn this system. what about pittsburgh and where here?o from again, roethlisberger is going
to be out for at least another hree games or so phil: joe flacco, i thought that was interesting. yeah, you never know. ball, turns into ugly and that was so true. and didvick played safe enough things that make you open up t web we can this offense, teach him in a few days to give our feel a greater chance to win. you remember what john night? said last he was pretty tight-lipped. he said you have to fight through it. is a storm. we have to fight through it, stick together and when we come re going his storm, we' to be a true team. i'm at peace right now. he looked at you and he said know we're a good team. this was quite a test tonight never gave up. give you is can't emotion to start playing and
doing things a little different what could. that was some gut check and some job by the ravens pulling this out. jim: they all count the same, they say but some wins are more important than others. a huge one tonight. phil: it was and they pulled it out. more after this on cbs and nfl network. this is humira.y pain and protect my joints from further damage. this is humira helping me reach for more. doctors have been prescribing humira for more than 10 years. humira works for many adults. it targets and helps to block a specific source of inflammation that contrubutes to ra symptoms. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas
five years and it looked good ravens areds and the 1-3, dropping the steelers to l has d john harbaugh stil never lost four games in a row as head coach in the national football league. marshall faulk, steve mariucci, michael irvin. teve, the steelers went for it on fourth down not once but twice in overtime and neither give the ball to le'veon bell. what gives is the question i have. that's why i was curious. of course, they missed two field and so re to that they're going to go for it on fourth down. i didn't question that but the calls, you're right. le'veon bell is a great back. get the e he would ball both times. vick rst time was michael sweep. great by the defense. he other fourth down, it's well-blocked, they have too many people. michael: too many people is what said.
i want to write this down. it : inaccurate throw and was high. michael: late in the game there. turning around so quickly. because he started out great early but late started throwing high balls. marshall, you and i talked about play. me ben roethlisberger being a right-handed quarterback. a left-handed quarterback, he back, throw that ball across his body for the game right there. that's an easier throw if you're a right-handed quarterback so you saw, as we talked earlier, that ill set difference came into play here with michael vick and ben roethlisberger. marshall: and the ravens staring down 0-4. they turned around and handed to forcett 27 times, 57 yard. they rode him tonight -- tonight. flacco was off. forcett and that offensive line business.of michael: we talked about steve smith doing what he does. steve smith when was taken away?
aiken shows up in the second half. yards.tches for 63 big time, big-time player. er to they turn the ball ov justin forcett. he's going to be our guest on he mazda postgame show" soon to come but first, back out to heinz field. jim nantz, phil simms. ake it away. jim: thank you, rich eisen and all the crew. gamewas such a fascinating because the decisions, the uances, the number of little decisions, the clock being reset :59.:04 from 1 instead of the next play being of the cally coming out two-minute warning. the extra stoppage of play that more time.vens that was vital. hil: absolutely. jim: you go back and look at the chess match. i can't remember a game like long time. phil: i can't either and no that who won the game, coach that lost is going to be
second guessed big time. with mike tomlin, we both agreed nd i thought there in that situation, instead of going for it on fourth and 2, the last e, i absolutely would have tried that field goal and gavin my kicker one more time, with on what's knowing going on now. we're not going to go. of the game end or i did, mike tomlin hit his mike and said to all his bad and then he took it off. jim: you've been through seasons where things weren't going your way and all of a sudden things for ed like it did tonight the ravens. looking not only desperate but dire. all of a sudden you will walk high, you're 1-3. how do you express what this meant to this team? big, of course. it keeps their season going, gives them hope. they have a little momentum. the schedule is favorable for where they can maybe play
some teams they think they and get sose victories. but the ravens tonight had a they me getting open, have to pick up the blitz. there's a lot to overcome no they play to win games. jim: and farce -- as far as he off -- ght, was you don't agree with that thought. first off, there was tremendous and he had no receivers. phil: he did the best he could. thata couple of big throws got them into overtime. jim: we'll see you all next night in houston. e late show can with stephen colbert. the "the mazda postgame show" continues on nfl network. or phil, tracy, mike carey and all the crew, jim nantz saying so long from pittsburgh, thanks for watching "the mazda postgame show."
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people 65 and older. it's not for anyone who's had a severe allergic reaction to any vaccine component, including eggs, egg products, or to a prior dose of any flu vaccine. tell your doctor if you've ever had guillain-barré syndrome. side effects include pain swelling and redness at the injection site; muscle aches, fatigue, headache and fever. other side effects may occur. if you have other symptoms or problems following vaccination, call your doctor immediately. vaccination may not protect everyone. so, if you hopped around the clock, ask your doctor or pharmacist about fluzone high-dose. fluzone high-dose vaccine. ♪ tonight coastal concerns. residents and business owners down the shore are dealing with flooding and it could get even worse over the next two days. and we couldn't to watch completely separate situation. hurricane joaquin category four storm is battering the bahamas
where will it head neck. the storm's path is still uncertain. new information has the hurricane moving away from the us coastline. >> good evening, i'm ukee washington. >> i'm jessica dean. this doesn't mean we're out of the woods yet. let's get over to meteorologist kate bilo whose closely watching joaquin. kate? >> jess what and ukee, you said it just right. it's not something we can say is a slam dunk forecast just yet. as expected the 11:00 o'clock track from the national hurricane center shifted even further out to sea. that is good news for us. the problem this is still very large and very dangerous storm. and there are still computer models that have slightly different ideas one of our new models we watch the gfs new run just came out just a few minutes ago hadn't it just more tuck in to the east coast a little bit further west. not a big deal. it's just one model run but we have to continue to watch this. you can just say it's going out to sea don't think about it he have again because this storm is moving west at this hour and until it makes that north jog we have to keep very very close eye on this system. a very nasty storm over the
bahamas. eye wall has pretty much collapsed with this system going under some eye wall restructuring or reformation right now. hurricane joaquin category four, winds at 130 sustained winds to 160 and almost stationary over the bahamas just imagine the extent of the damage there central pressure at 935 millibars. this is expected to stay category three as it moves out into the open ocean the latest track by the way from national hurricane center. that will make it really off the coast of philadelphia but far off the coast of new jersey here as we head into monday night and then it scoots out to sea. this is the first cone that pretty much completely misses the entire mainland united states. you can see what we're dealing right now much this is not really associated at all with joaquin. here's joaquin here. this is a stalled front boundary right along the eastern seaboard pulling in deep tropical moisture and also a persistent northeast wind thanks to strong measure gradient continues to batter the coastline of new jersey, delaware and right through portions of new england as well. so what to expect through saturday. heavy rain, strong gusty winds
associated with that front and that persistent on shore flow. sunday into monday when we have to keep our eye on joaquin again it's likely out to sea, but again we still have to keep a very close eye on that system. in the meantime the system that's battering the coast through the next few days prompted coastal flood alerts from toms river northern jersey all the way down through southern delaware coastal flood warnings right through saturday morning. and a high wind watch will go into effect tomorrow evening into saturday. gusts 50 plus miles per hour down the shore and this is not even associated with joaquin. we'll have more on joaquin and also this system coming up in just a few minutes. jessica, send he it over to you. >> jersey shore towns are dealing with flooding and heavy rain. and worries are growing about what could coming courtesy joaquin. diana rocco is in sea isle city with a look at conditions there. >> reporter: we're on the promenade here in sea isle city where the wind and rain are picking up. flooding is the main concern tonight as the tide comes in. it has everyone keeping an eye
out forecast and ready for what comes next. from atlantic city to sea isle city, the jersey shore is once again bracing for days of bad weather and maybe more. >> came down to take a boat out of the water and take deck furniture off the deck. >> reporter: homeowner art came down from north jersey to secure his newly purchased shore house in sea isle. calling it a season ahead of this recent round of coastal flooding and the possibility of joaquin. >> prepare for the worst. hope for the best. >> reporter: towns are in full preparation mode. the mayor says the public works department has been at it all day. >> wire taking down banners. moving in trash cans. bat 10 down the hatches. >> reporter: sandy and irene before it eroded half of their beaches in some places. $25 million beach reflect initiate many oh correct still in progress put it back after sandy brought water all the way up to the promenade. >> i'm hopeful and praying that we do not receive too much damage.
>> reporter: in ocean city and margate they're already starting to see some minor flooding and it's only expected to get worse with riding tides and rain. sand bags are at the ready and towns have prepared their emergency vehicles. moving everything to higher ground. residents are planning to evacuate if necessary. >> make mowing think about wanting to move. to tell you the truth. i'm not happy with it. at all. not happy at all. >> reporter: the governor is expected to be here tomorrow. he's already declared a state of emergency. he's going to be talking about the state's preparedness and shelters and evacuations if need be. in sea isle city, i'm diana rocco cbs3 "eyewitness news". >> the concerns over coastal flood having led to some school closings wildwood public schools, wildwood pre-school program and the margaret may school are all closed tomorrow. we'll post any other additional closings on our website cbsphilly.com. while it is still too early to tell exactly how new jersey will be impact beside hurricane joaquin governor chris christie
is not taking any chances. today he did declare a state of emergency. >> njdoot is expecting and cleaning drainage systems, activated all emergency operations center testing the communication systems and topping off fuel supplies. >> once again governor christie will be in sea isle city tomorrow to you were jersey shore residents to prepares a precaution. pennsylvania governor wolf faced the cameras to talk about joaquin. >> we're doing everything we can that's possible to make sure that they're safe. depending on -- in case anything happens with the weather. >> for the latest on the coastal flooding and joaquin, check out cbsphilly.com, there we have set up a hurricane preparedness guide to get you ready just in case. tonight, the nation's latest mass shooting has changed a quiet and peaceful community forever. authorities confirm 10 people are dead after a gunman opened fire at the a small community college in oregon. our natasha brown is live in the
sat center now with the latest on that investigation. natasha. >> reporter: well, this campus is actually located about 175 miles south of portland, oregon on vowing 100 acres. normal day in this small community took a deadly turn mid morning. >> active shooter at ucc. >> first call came in at 10:38 a.m. active shooter on the campus of um what community college. >> somebody is outside one of the doors shooting through the door. there's a female in the computer lab. we do have one female that has been shot at this time. >> reporter: students say the gunfire lasted for about a minute as police arrived on the scene. >> douglas county sheriffs office confirms 10 people are dead and seven others injured.
laci gregory was just 100 yards away when the gunfire erupted. >> all i saw was my friend alex, he apparently ran up from the smoke shack past the shooting that was happening up into the library to let us know that what was going on was real. and it was indeed people were gettingetting shot. >> reporter: petrified insurance are students chronicled the chaos. >> students and fact tull tee bussed from the campus and reunited with their families at nearby fairgrounds. outraged president obama says mass shootings in this country have become an all too familiar sight. he reignited the call for more gun control and tougher gun laws. >> somehow this has become routine. the reporting is routine, my response here at this podium ends up being routine, the conversation in the aftermath of
it we've become numb to this. >> reporter: cbs news is now reporting that the gunman has been identified as 26-year-old chris harper mercer. as many as four guns were actually found at the scene of today's mass shooting. we're live in the sat center tonight, natasha brown cbs3 "eyewitness news". >> natasha, thank you. new tonight, sweeping proposed changes to the philadelphia school district. the changes include closures as well as new schools and charter schools. this plan which would affect about 5,000 students at 15 schools will require school reform commission approval. among the schools that would be closed under this proposed plan leads middle school in northwest philadelphia. would it close at the end of the year. students would instead going to hill friedman world academy which would move into the leads building. we've got more information on the other schools affected on our website cbsphilly.com. in the meantime, the philadelphia federation of teachers is criticizing these proposed changes, releasing a
statement reading in part "superintendent hite's latest plan to close, consolidate or convert more philadelphia schools is emblematic of the way the district lee diss inspects philadelphia's educators, parents and students". >> em balanced pennsylvania attorney general kathleen kane fighting a second per jew charge. kane can was arraigned this afternoon. kane was previously charged with perjury for allegedly leaking secret grand jury information then lying about it. kane claims the charges are retaliation for pornographic e-mails she uncover. >> you can arrest me two times, you can arrest me 10 times, i'm sure this isn't the end of the game. but i will not stop until the truth comes out and i will stop until the system operates the way it's supposed to be. >> cane canny also said the pornographic e-mails were shared by a sitting state supreme court justice and other officials.
the personal information of millions of cell phone customers stolen by hackers. >> tonight we have the details on another huge data breach. which company was affected and what happens next? >> kate. we're tracking the threat for coastal flooding thanks to a stalled front along the eastern seaboard. and a percent sift at the present time northeast flow piling that water up along the jersey and delaware shore lines. i'll have more on that and the latest on hurricane joaquin coming up in just a few minutes. a local woman accused of running an elaborate scam stealing thousands of dollars from one victim after another. three on your side's jim donovan has been tracking her for years and tonight there's a may your development. fine out where she is now. also, a couple sent to adopt twins the nursery ready to go, why they now fay say the adoption was a hoax. >> and coming up after "eyewitness news" it's the late toe show with steven bert. he welcomes actress claire dames, secretary of state john
>> alert for you tonight hackers stolen the perm information of about 15 million t mobile customers and potential customers. the data that stole includes social security numberses, home addresses, birth dates and other personal information. the hackers got the information from the credit reporting agency experian which t mobile uses to check the credit of those applying for phones. experian says it is investigat investigating. both companies say payment card and banging information was not affected. a couple in texas preparing to adopt twin boys say they are heart broken after learning they were duped by a fake pregnancy. jason and byron miller made an agreement arrangement to adopt wenonah mcclellan's baby after seeing her sonogram. they paid thousands in adoption fees and told the twins were due any day. the pair grew suspicious when mcclellan posted her c-section and disappeared. postponed her c-section. they later learned the sonogram was taken off the internet. >> even if there were flags flying, we didn't see them. >> it's been so rough emotionally and financially.
>> everybody keeps saying, you have so much to give. you would be -- they all want us to go through it. >> i think we've done our best. >> the adoption attorney says there was documentation making it appear mcclellan was pregna pregnant. she says this is simply a failed adoption. one local woman claims to be a doctor and a landlord but she's accused of running an elaborate scam stealing to usnd sands of dollars from one victim after another. three on your side's jim donovan has been tracking her for years. so have detectives and now they finally caught up with her. >> reporter: every time i tried to speak with dana, a door got in the door. it happened five years ago on her porch in princeton. >> ma'am, what is his office. >> ma'am? >> most recently last fall in delaware. >> can you step away from the door, please. >> i'd like to speak with you, ma'am isn't okay. >> why well i can't because your door is closed on my microphone. >> he wanted to speak with her
because these people and others alleged she ripped them off. collecting thousands of dollars from them in a rental scam. >> she started avoiding our phone calls. >> i just remember sitting in the kitchen crying for hours. >> she's hard to catch. >> reporter: that was until now. >> she's crafty at what she d she's a professional con artist. we were able to get her. >> lansdale detective chad took her into custody. she faces charges of forgery, theft and related offenses in a number of cases. >> it was really really great news to hear. i was very excited. >> reporter: nicole, says she was taken for $3,600. and was thrilled to learn of her arrest g she can't harm anybody else and she can't put people in a position of maybe being homeless, and stealing innocent people's money. >> reporter: her victims say she had the scam down to a science. she'd rent a home, fail to pay the rent, advertise the rental as her own, pocket the deposit money and disappear. in effect stealing from the real
homeowner and perspective tenants we last track her down to this home in wilmington. >> can you please come out? >> yes. let me get some clothes on. one minute. >> you are dressed. i just saw her alleged victims say she was convincing. >> she made it like she was a medical doctor. she wore scrubs and everything like that. >> that's what she was wearing when the detective was able to nab her at a court hearing for her daughter. >> she showed up, gave an al yas. of course we knew had she was and took her into custody. >> reporter: district judge set bail at $100,000 straight cash. she would have to post the entire amount to be released much she's currently in the montgomery county correctional facility awaiting a preliminary hearing scheduled for october 22nd. reporting for three on your side i'm jim donovan. >> quite a story. >> cbs3 the cw philly and komen philadelphia are teaming once again in the fight against breast cancer turning the skyline pink for the 14th year in a row. >> cbs3 hosted the kick off party for the lights for the cure campaign. local landmarks will be glowing pink in october it is breast
cancer awareness month. and our building is one of them. the pink light is awry mine to schedule a mammogram. lights for the cure evolved this year to include fundraising use a pink toyota camry and for each person who takes a selfie with that car right there and shares it using hash tag pink it to toy, toyota will donate a dollar to koy men philadelphia. >> very nice. kate joins us now with our weather forecast. first it look like a one-two punch. could be one and done. >> could be. i'm not completely willing to write joaquin off just yet. >> sure. >> it's still very dangerous large hurricane. looming in the bahamas until we start to see that real turn, i'd sleep easier knowing it was going to turn. >> i'm with you. >> we have most the guidance shifting that wear their out liar that is say something else could happen. we'll our eye on it much it's encouraging that shift out to sea definitely shifted quite a bit during the course of the day today. at this time last night it did still look as though landfall might be likely along the united
states. now the out to sea track is the more likely but still one to watch. let's talk first about what's happening outside before joaquin even becomes an issue and that's persistent on shore flow down the shore. take you threw a time lapse in margate. that's not available. you can see temperatures in the 50s right now with winds out of the north northeast all across the life neighborhood network. that north northeast wind i'm referring when i say this has been pretty nasty down the shore. you can see how cool it is. low 50s with the winds picking up it will feel even colder. maybe feeling like the 40s at times here tonight and through the day tomorrow. you can see the heavy rain starting to lift in as tropical moisture overruns a stalled frontal boundary along the eastern see bore. the wind definitely going to be an issue as we get into the day tomorrow. you can see see pockets of steadier rain moving through portions of south jersey and delaware as well. what to expect along the coast. friday into saturday. today really into tomorrow. gusty winds up to 50 miles an hour. beach erosion. rough surf and coastal flooding. you may see the flooded roads and certainly we get that back
bay flooding as well especially in the barrier islands this does have anything to do with joaqu joaquin. this is thanks to that persist at the present time northeast flow. coastal flooding tomorrowly you can see winds just continue to batter the coast. i say tomorrow meaning friday even knowing it is early friday morning you can see the winds out of the north and east gusting to over 40 miles an hour at times friday afternoon. even strong in the city with winds gusting over 30 miles an hour at times and this will continue right through the day saturday. notice this is about 48 hour period of just a persistent northeast wind. it could even last into sunday and that means extensive beach erosion heavy rain but certainly that risk for coast cal flooding very similar to the kinds of impacts we get from a nor'easter in the wintertime. future weather sunday 12am notice things start to die down for us but notice this plume of moisture sets up over the carolinas part of that sill s actually connected to hurricane joaquin as it moves offshore and that will bring very heavy almost historic flooding rainfall possibly to portions of south carolina and southern
north carolina. that four to sick in the yellow but could be six plus perhaps even as high as 10 or 12-inches in some areas depend wrack that plume sets up up. here's the latest on what keith there's the storm and it's still centered over the bahamas pretty much stationary now as that eye wall has pretty much collapsed in on itself going through restructuring period. that has really slowed down the storm's movement. the national hurricane center the latest track takes it on a slight jog overnight to the north and to the west and then scoots it out to sea as we get into the day tomorrow. but that will be what we have to watch. want to see it picked up by that northeast flow and sent out to sea. so what do we know? joaquin is still category four dangerous hurricane winds 130 miles an hour. u.s. landfall today trended less and less likely. looks like it will stay offshore but like i told you that latest gfs forecast has it closer to the coast now. nothing watch. cloudy and chilly rain and wind and rain could be heavy at times on and off through friday. "eyewitness weather" seven day forecast, look how cool it is friday.
56 degrees. wind will make it feel even colder. bundle up. and then saturday, 61. sunday and monday dependent on joaquin as of right now we have the clearing out and getting nice next week. but remember get the updated forecast any time with the cbs philly weather app. get it if you don't have it already. check that radar get severe weather alerts and share your storm photos with us download the app on i tunes and google play. it's going to come in handy. >> yes it will. >> tomorrow looks chilly. >> yes. >> very cool. >> thanks kate. >> don has your sports. lots to talk about. the phillies, demarco and selfies. plus one of philadelphia eagle auditions for a new job. kate bilo watch out, sports is coming up next. >> and then --,.
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>> eagles and redskins um poured from detroit because of hurricane joaquin sunday game may be moved from maryland to ford field in motown. the decision will be made before saturday. wherever they play the game murray hopes to be on the feel. he was full participate in practice and hopefully the weather won't ab huge factor as he tries to bounce back from a hamstring injury. but, it's something to consider if you listen to eagles weather correspondent. >> reporting live at philadelphia novacare facility the winds are gusting right now. hurricane is on the way. we predicting three hours before it land here. everyone take cover and be safe. this is -- look at the wind. look, the rain is slow to come. we just got word the rain is approaching. we need to take cover. take shelter. do not be out in this storm. very dangerous. high winds. take cover, guys. we'll report back to you later. >> kate, watch out. he's going to the earpiece and everything.
ravens and steelers scene on cbs3. mike vick hooks up for the touchdown. steelers on top 20-seven. ravens rally to force overtime. justin tucker 52 wins out. baltimore wins. they avoid an zero-four start. >> with rain in the forecast the phillies and mets played at 12:05 waiting around on soaking field to play at ketch 05:00. jared i can off bawling 25-year-old getting it done. 10 punch outs. seven scoreless innings and one walk. they sweep the mets and win three-zero. the phillies need one win to avoid their first 100 loss season since 1961. they have three games versus the marlins this weekend to get it done. aaron harang gets the ball tomorrow night. saturday starter has not been announced and two and nine buchanan is on the hill sunday. check this out. diamondbacks and rockies
wednesday night. group of sorority girls from arizona state not really paying attention to the game. the whole game they're taking selfies. you know how people do it for the chat. hash tag no filter. selfies with hotdogs and which are rows. what up with that? >> i don't know. >> they're all on the gram right now. >> all on the gram. >> little hash tag next level. >> that's right. thank you buddy. appreciate it. >> you got it. >> we'll be right back.
♪ well tonight the keystone state boys choir delivered first performance since one of its members wowed pope francis. >> ♪ >> the choir entertained at the community abington presbyterian church and bobby hill who sang solo for the pope couldn't make it tonight he's returning from new york. but the choir was joined by the boys of silver from norway for the special night of music. ♪ >> darrell hall and john oats christen the area's life music venue tonight. new concert hall was constructioned on the side of olea jack metal factory at frankford and richmond it holds up up to 2500 people and everyone had great time tonight.
>> stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you ladsees and gentlemen, welcome to the show! welcome to the late show, everybody. as you can tell by your chanting, i'm stephen colbert. please, have a seat. let's all get relax. we're going to spend some time together night. i think we're going to make some real progress. (laughter) you guys catch the game tonight that hadn't been on yet? man. that sure was some sweet athletic action. i know one team put the ball in the score area enough times to win. but to me, all the ball people are winners. (laughter) of course here on the eastern seaboard we're all preparing for hurricane joaquin. nobody knows, you guys worried about it, talking about it. >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: because nobody know where it will make landfall but meteorologists predict with absolute certainty that the bottle water aisle of your grocery store will be defer stated! (laughter) -- devastated.
>> stephen: again, people applauding for devastation. again, hurricane joaquin is intense and erratic like its name sake joaquin phoenix. so please, stock up on canned goods, batteries, by the way by canned goods, i mean pringles because hurricanes always a cheap date. this is very important, if you were thinking of getting a puppy this weekend, do not get a puppy this weekend, all right. cats, okay. a cat is okay. as a matter of fact, this is a true story. during hurricane charlie in south carolina about ten years ago, we found a kitten in the middle of the road in my hometown, charlesston south carolina. it was a ban conned-- abandoned and we adopted it. we named the kitten charl-year in honor of the name charlie. and the hurricane didn't do any damage but the kitten clawed up our silk curtains. so you know, it was a
trade-off. (laughter) >> stephen: anyway, we've got some wonderful guests tonight. first up, i will be talking with united states secretary of state john kerry. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: yes. you meet him yet? lovely guy. he has one of the most important jobs in the world. and if donald trump is elected, kerry will be succeeded by gary busey. (laughter) and then i'll sit down with the lovely and talented claire danes. (cheers and applause) always lovely to have. she is the star of "homeland" which this year takes place in germany so i will ask her if they are changing the name to "fatherland" then i will sit down with youtube star pewdiepie. (cheers and applause) who has a very selective scream in this audience, you will notice. he is the first ever to reach 10 billion views.
an here is the crazy part. he is not a cat. (laughter) and folks, oh, oh, does anyone else feel like having sex right now? (laughter) also there's music playing. that is jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. >> hi! >> stephen: they're about to start the show. but before they do, one more thing. a new study says talking to a therapist may not help treat depression. and if hearing that news makes you depressed, i have no suggestions. tonight, stephen welcomes secretary of state john kerry. claire danes. internet sensation,
pewdiepie, featuring batiste and stay human and now it's time for the late show with stephen colbert! >> stephen: hey, thank you very much. thank you, jon batiste. (cheers and applause) thank you, humans. wow! thanks, everybody. folks, you know, thank you so much. i'm glad you guys stuck around. something i want to talk about. the iowa caucuses are just a
scant four months away. meaning the presidential election is just around the corner from the corner we haven't gotten around yet. but the campaign is already in gear. that gear? neutral. but-- (laughter) this is a very big day. you might not know it but it is the day all candidates have to report to the fed ral election commission on how much money they've received in the past three months. and the big news is that vermont senator and rooftop bee keeper bernie sanders took in a whopping $26 million. i had no idea. i had no-- yes, i agree. it's extremely impressive. i also want to point out the same people cheering are the same people who cheered for pewdiepie. i had no idea you could make that kind of cash on etsy. 26 million colors-- dollars is more than twice as much money as jeb bush pulled in, even though this summer an this is absolutely true, i gave jeb bush three dollars.
(laughter) they actually had a button for that amount. and it perfectly matched how much i want him to be president. it's not zero, it's not zero, then again, on the way to work today i gave a homeless guy a pfeiffer. and since then, jeb had thanked me in the form of nonstop e-mails from his whole family. i get them from jeb and all the georges, w, hw, p, boy and curious. (laughter) and you can't blame them. i understand why they keep hitting me up for the green, because these campaigns need a constant influx of money to pay for things like offices and phones and staff. so the staff will have an office where they can call you on the phone to ask for more money. so campaigns are constantly innovating new ways to pull in funds. howard dean pioneered internet fund-raising. george mcgovern was the
first to raise money via direct mail and even george washington raised cash by being it. (laughter) and now i'm so happy to say comes another break through moment in campaign fund-raising. thanks to florida senator and sears portrait gallery sample dad marco rubio. rubbio a web site already features some great merchandise like a marco polo shirt, or a water bottle that says "water great nation" get it? it's water, because that pun is so tortured it's like being water boarded. but the fund-raising breakthrough on the rubbio web site is that for $250 you can adopt a rubbio staffer for a day. that, i got to say, that really pulls at the heart strings. i mean i wasn't going to donate to marco rubbio but i
can't let his-- rubio but i can't let his staff who are evidently orphans go unpurchased. and for your it 50 you will get recognition on twitter and their web site, an update from the staffer you adopted and a postcard from their team. and as true conservatives, they might even write a message on it about how inefficient the federal government is before having it delivered anywhere in the country for 35 cents. this, i believe-- (cheers and applause) pewdiepie! this is truly ground breaking, i believe. if if they're modelling themselves on save the children, i'm thinking things are pretty rough down in rubioh hq. they may not even have access to clean drinking water because their boss takes all of it. and whether or not i happen to agree with rubio's policies, i was so inspired that i'm committed to doing anything i can to help other than giving him money. (laughter)
hello. i'm stephen colbert. as i speak, rubio campaign staffers are digging through garbage looking for used coffee filters to turn into tacos. these staffers work 80 hours a week. and use wet paper towels to take a bum shower in the bathroom of an iowa dunkin' doughnuts. but for just 250 dollars a day, the price of a cup of coffee every 11 minutes, which is less than they drink, you can send these staffers the help they so desperately need to keep going. like more coffee. redbull, and let's just say new hampshire marching powder. so please, call today, or don't. they'll call you. cuz they're on phone duty for the next 12 hours. it's too late for tyler here. (laughter)
i have to honestly say i didn't expect him to get in my lap. (laughter) how are you doing, buddy? you okay? you okay? tragically tyler here volunteered for the perry campaign. and now he has to be put down. >> i went to harvard. >> stephen: shhh, shhh, none of that matters now. (laughter) (cheers and applause) please give today. let's go for a drive, buddy. we'll be right back.