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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  May 11, 2016 11:35pm-12:38am EDT

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thanks so much for watching. thanks so much for watching. good nig captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: but i love donuts. just tell them to bring the donuts. we don't have to talk about the movie. i'd love to have him on the show. that would be great. liz. >> stephen. >> stephen: we meet again. what can i do for you? >> in the broadway cold open, do you actually want to participate in the dance, or do you just want to bang on a drum and not do much glp i'll just bang on a drum. >> great. >> stephen: any other follow-up questions. >> yes, does that mean they don't have to come early and rehearse. >> stephen: yes, i'm beaming up. i want to dance, or i don't. find out. >> tonight, stephen welcomes kate beckinsale
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and a musical performance by desiigner. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for "the late show" with stephen colbert"! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: boom! hey! hey! welcome to "the late show." thank you up there. thank you down there. thank you so much, thank you, everybody. thank you, so much.
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welcome to "the late show." i'm your host stephen colbert. and before we go any further, right off the beep, i have to take a moment right now to congratulate a friend of the show, stephan curry, for being named the n.b.a. m.v.p. ( cheers and applause ) well deserved. boom! because he won unanimously, all 131 votes. yet, somehow, hillary clinton was still awarded half the delegates. ( laughter ) i don't understand. congratulations, congratulations, steph curry. everybody must be so proud back home in... uh, golden state? and did you see his daughter did you guys see his daughter at the press conference steal the show at the press conference. take a look at this footage right here. that's her psyching out the front row.
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that's pretty intimidating for a three-year-old. aiden from gymboree, i'd think twice about cutting her in the trampoline line. and steph curry is the first ever m.v.p. to win it by unanimous vote. that never happens in anything. our country is so divided right now, i think that's the ciewnd of unity america needs right now. i think, i think steph curry should be our next president. ( cheers and applause ) that feels right to me. >> jon: that feels right to me, too. >me,. >> stephen: think about it. he plays for the warriors. that's military experience. he's a job creator because it takes three people to cover him, and he's ready to debate donald trump because he already has plenty of experience slamming round orange objects.
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( cheers and applause ). >> jon: hot dang! >> stephen: speaking of donald trump-- which is now my official job description. ( laughter ) everyone today is talking about a new poll showing donald trump-- this is true, is less popular than nickelback. now, if you are not familiar with the band nickelback, congratulations on never attending a frat party. how do i describe nickelback? just imagine the illegitimate child of pearl jam and guy fieri. ( laughter ) we laugh, but i want to say something tow everybody who is feeling smug because they think this poll proves that donald trump is bad, or unpopular, or as this poll also showed viewed less favorably than head lice. that's true.
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ironically, donald trump is very popular with head lice. he-- he is their everest. because he's there. because these there. here's why this shouldn't comfort you. you may think nickelback is uncool, but they've sold over 50 million records. their fans don't care that you think that they're not cool. in fact, they like that you think they're not cool. i'm pretty sure that's what brings them together, because there's no way it's the music. ( laughter ) ( applause ) so trump clearly is going to be fine. but i am concerned about the rest of us because i have just learned that americans are now getting high on imodium. ( laughter ). >> jon: wow! >> stephen: that put a hush over the room. ( laughter ) imodium, of course, is not an
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upper or a downer. it's more of a stopper. i believe the street names are "cork," "plug," "the stationary dragon." apparently the drug imodium contains a very mild opioid. so if you take enough of it, you can get just high enough to think it's a good idea to take huge doses of imodium. and now that it's being abused, toxicologists have recommended that sales of imodium be limited, like they do with sudafed, which is great news for anyone who desperately needs imodium and now has to wait for the drowsy cvs clerk to find the key to open the cabinet. let's see, let's-- "uh, cleanup on aisle... you know what? i quit?"
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the point is, it's official that americans can no longer be trusted with anything in the drug store. next, we'll learn people are snorting ground-up glass repair kits and snorting "us it has me saying something i never thought i would say-- just do drugs. just do them. not an easy think to say. hey, i have a question. anyone here work? people work. ( cheers and applause ) not everyone raised their hand in the band. not everyone in the band raised their hand. that's not a good sign. or it's a great sign. it doesn't feel like work. if you work, i have great news for you. the national labor relations board has just handed down a big ruling that your employer cannot force you to be happy at work.
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( cheers and applause ) hmmm. gosh, i wonder where these underpaid government workers came up with that idea? here's what happened. it was all about an issue with the mobile carrier t-mobile. see, the labor relations board said that t-mobile's employee handbook, which required employees to maintain a "positive work environment" was too restrictive, even though employees were allowed unlimited sadness on nights and weekends. ( laughter ) now, this is true. this ruling affects all businesses, including this one. so i need to take a minute right now to tell one of my writers, glenn. come on out here, glenn. >> hi. >> stephen: hey, glenn. how you doing, glenn? >> i'm fine. >> stephen: i have really good
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news. >> stop the presses. >> stephen: the government says i can't legally ask you to be happy. >> really? >> stephen: yeah, you can be as depressed as you want. >> that's fantastic! i'm going to go tell the guys! hey, guys, it's okay to be sad! well, i'll tell you-- glenn, everybody. >> stephen: i'll tell you who's always happy, jon batiste and stay human. say hi to the band, everybody. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> stephen: whoa!
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>> stephen: well, you know, at this point in the election, a lot of the candidates have dropped out of the presidential race-- like 20. and i'm not making that up. they may be dropped out, but they're not gone. in fact, yesterday was senator ted cruz's first day back on capitol hill after dropping out, and people were wondering if a more humbled ted cruz would try to get along better with his fellow senators. and we got our answer in this photo. look at that parking job! i never thought i'd be saying this, but, senator cruz, you should move a little further to the right. ( cheers and applause ) but i noticed something else in this photo, beyond ted's excellent d-baggery. of a parking job. can we put that photo back up for a second, jimmy? s the photojournalist who took this photo is a guy named bill
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clark. and this is true, i went to school with bill clark. and bill and i are really old friends and he's been working in washington as a photojournalist for the past 20 years. i don't want to be too specific let's just say back in high school, bill is the first purpose i did something with that is now legal in colorado. i can't say. ( cheers and applause ) i have not discussed sharing this with you with bill clark, so let's just say it could be night skiing, okay? and here's what happened. i was at our homecoming dance with bill-- we didn't have dates because we were both, uh, nerds, i believe is the word. it was me, him, carlos salinas air, friend of ours who now workses in the amazon working
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with the cofan people-- a true story-- and the three of us who were so beyond the society of our high school, we were way out in pluto of the social structure of our high school. we show up. we don't have dates. we don't even talk with anybody who could possibly dance with us or be our date. so we decided to leave, and bill, turns out, has a substance that, again, is legal in co colorado. but we have no way to wrap it up. some substance you sometimes wrap up like little presents and instantly destroy with fire. so we used the comics page from the sunday paper, which i think might be why i'm a comedian now. ( laughter ) i think if i was an "x" man-- ( applause ) if i was a character from marvel, that might be my origin
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story. so let's just say i am glad that bill wasn't taking photographs back then. ( laughter ) anyway, bill, call me. meanwhile, in donald trump news-- or as it's called now, "news"-- donald trump's convention manager, paul manafort, promised that the g.o.p. convention will be the the "ultimate reality show." yes, the ultimate reality show with singing alaskan crabber housewives and ice road cake hunters who think they can dance and when it's over, we'll all be naked and afraid. this is "road to the white house." >> they're cheating us, and they're friends of mine. yesterday was primary day in west virginia. on the republican side, donald
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trump destroyed his competition-- nobody. on the democratic side, bernie sanders crushed hillary clinton 51-36. ( cheers and applause ) west virginia coal miners clearly related to the fact that bernie also looked like a man who crawled out of a cave. but even though hillary clinton lost west virginia, she only needs 17% of the remaining delegates to secure the nomination. the math is really against bernie, which is surprising, considering how much bernie has done for math. >> 3.5 million. >> 25 million, 15 million. $27. >> stephen: and the top .01 of 1% owns as much as wealth as the bottom 90%, and 2% milk has 50% more than the 1% milk, and six was afraid because seven eight
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nine, and 525,600 minutes. ( cheers and applause ) still, how do you measure a year? measure in love." despite his long odds, bernie got a powerful reminder he is a serious contender in this race. donald trump gave him a nickname. >> i call him crazy burney because he's not very good. >> stephen: when it comes to knowing meaning of the word crazy, donald trump is not very good. ( cheers and applause ) i just hope-- i just hope-- i just hope that bernie sanders does not take this nickname lightly because they have destroyed all trump's opponents. "low energy jeb," gone. "little marco," via con dios. "lyin' ted," see you, wouldn't want to be you. seriously, would not want to be you.
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so this nickname strategy of trump's has been effective. but will it work for the general election? here to discuss is donald trump's chief nickname strategist, timmy jenkins. timmy, thank you for joining me. thanks for being here. have a seat. timmy, tell me, how do you come up with these nicknames? >> well, i have over five years of playground experience making nerds cry. and that's really fun. also, i once made andy sansewn change schools. >> stephen: impressive. why do you think these nicknames catch on so well? >> stephen, we have had top focus group testing. we don't pull this out of our hats. our first choice wasn't "little marco. we started with "sweaty marco."
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then we went to"diarrubio," then we tried "marco boobio." and off the chart fair little bit we called him "marco pubio." >> stephen: all that research for one candidate. >> stephen don't be naive. we do this preparation for all candidates. if rand paul was still in the race, we could have called him bland balls. we did it for carly peearena, jab tush, "ted poos, "snot walker," and "ass kisstie." >> stephen: hold on. wait a second. let me make sure i get that last one right. ass kisstie? is that chris christie? >> duh. >> stephen: but he's an ally of yours.
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does he know you call him that? >> he does now. ( laughter ) >> stephen: tim, obviously, you're an expert in the field, but are these types of juvenile tactics really good for our democracy? >> that's an interesting question. let me think about that for a minute. stinky colbutt! >> stephen: hey! >> i can smell you from here, host of "the lame show with steaming colfart." ( laughter ). >> stephen: stop it, timmy, stop it! >> i'll stop it when you stop hitting yourself! >> stephen: what are you talking about-- hey, hey, hey! are. >> are you going to cry, you little baby. >> stephen: i'm not going to cry. i hate politics. >> make america great again, butt faces! >> stephen: we'll be right back with kate beckinsale. >> more like bait bucketsmell.
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by calling 844-844-2424. or visit ( applause ) >> stephen: everybody's happy! everybody's happy! >> jon: yeah! >> stephen: everybody's has been. hey, everybody, welcome back. welcome back to the happy place. my first guest tonight is a talented actress whose films include "pearl harbor," "serendipity," and the "underworld" series. she now stars in a new jane austen film adaptation, "love & friendship." please welcome kate beckinsale! ( applause ) ♪ ♪
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>> stephen: nice to have you here. >> hi. >> stephen: that's a lovely dress. >> thank you so much. >> stephen: it's very spring-like. >> it is quite spring like. i was worried it was a bit westernish, saloonish. >> stephen: a little bit ♪ down in the west texas town of el paso ♪ do you like that sort of thing? >> it was an accident. i only realized it at the very last minute. >> stephen: i do not necessarily associate this look with how many people know you which is the skin-tight leather vampire who hunts the werewolves. >> that's how i intend to go around, if i can. >> stephen: that's how i know you. that's how a lot of people know your work. if i hung out with you, would i go, "yeah, yeah, totally a vampire." does your most famous work represent what you're really like? >> i think the thing is those trousers kind of stick in people's minds. >> stephen: yes, they do ( laughter ). >> i feel board now. but i think, you know, i've done loads of movies and only a few of them have been in that sort
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of trouser, but people remember them. >> stephen: very popular movies. >> trousers. >> stephen: yexactly. >> i don't know. i'm generally not jumping off things and shooting people. >> stephen: you're not a bad-ass? >> if you look at my kid the wrong way i might flip a car or two, but that's all the moms, i think. >> stephen: i found out something shortly before you got here. my producer told me you went to oxford university. >> i did. >> stephen: i know you know that. i know you're not surprised. but i was surprised-- >> because i look dumb. >> stephen: no, not at all. >> i do. >> stephen: not a lot of actors i met went to oxford university. what did you study when you were there? >> russian and french. >> stephen: russian and french. oh, my god, you speak russian and you speak french? >> and i wear those trousers. >> stephen: so you are a bad-ass. that kicks ass in its own way. >> i guess. i'm very good in an uber. there are a lot of uberdrivers
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and i can chat with them. >> stephen: you live in los angeles? >> yes. >> stephen: how long have you been in los angeles? >> >> ages, over a decade. >> stephen: do you miss london? i can't imagine two places more different. >> i do, my mom is there and all the people i do silly things with are there. i don't mean that in a dirty way. >> stephen: that didn't sound dirty. >> i said, "all the people i do sill things with" and i felt immense guilt. >> stephen: you said dirty. >> i said silly. it felt dirty. it all got away from me in a horrible way. >> stephen: silly as a way of saying naughty. >> it could be. i feel like eave gone down an abyss. >> stephen: are you a silly person? >> ish. >> stephen: are you silly with your friends and family? again, i mean this in the the least naughty way.
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>> okay, perfect. you don't have pantomimes here, do you? >> stephen: pant miems? >> it's a christmas show, that's usually a fairy tale. in england there's often a character that's a horse in a costume with two people in it. >> stephen: or pantomime horse! >> pantomime horse. >> stephen: you sent along a clip of this. >> yes, because i own one, a costume. >> stephen: wait, let's show the people what we've got right here. ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: okay. all right, that's silly. that's very silly. >> i can rock so many different kinds of trouser, apparently. that was me in the back. >> stephen: oh, you were in the back of that? >> yes, the tallest person is in the back. there are rules for a horse costume. very strict rules. otherwise it makes it a wonky horse. >> stephen: that, i would definitely upon to look that one in the mouth to find out.
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>> exactly. >> stephen: why-- and i-- you know? why? why are you dancing around in a horse costume? >> one, you've obviously not trieded it. two -- >> i've never tried it actually. >> i have it here in new york so we can try it at some point. i do tend to travel it, just in case of a low moment or feeling depressed or get bad news, you get the horse on and you cheer up immediately. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: i just want to make sure i have this clear. i just want to make sure i have this clear. you travel with a horse costume. >> yes. not if i'm going only for a weekend. i trust myself to remain happy for two days, but if it's a long shoot somewhere in eastern europe, i think there may be a bleak weekend where i feel a bit low in my spirits and, you know, i might want to have a bit of a cantor around the hotel. >> stephen: to cheer yourself up a little bit. have you tried massive doses of imodium? >> i'm going to try that next. >> stephen: you'll try that. >> it's less fun gli would love
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to try that with you some time. next time you're here. >> i was saying yes to the imodium thing. >> stephen: oh. we've got to take a little commercial break. stick around, we'll be right back with more kate beckinsale. ( cheers and applause ) 3, 2, 1
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that can prevent you from getting type 2 diabetes. sponsored by nacdd with support from the centers for disease control and prevention. visit ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: we're back with one half of a pantomime horse, kate beckinsale. the new movie is called "love & friendship." i understand it's a jane austen story. >> yeah. >> stephen: and jane austen has an interesting thing. you're a woman. >> i am. ask a horse. >> stephen: and a horse at the same time and the jane austen stories have a very particular early 19th century view of being a woman, what the challenges are of being a woman. do you think there's any similarity between then and now for women? >> yeah, i think having worn a
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corset in the whole movie, i think it's so great we don't have to wear corets, but i feel like we now have to be corset, which sucks. >> stephen: what do you mean? >> you have to do hot yoga or whatever it is to make you the corset. >> stephen: to get in the trousers. >> we're still not allowed to be frumpy. >> stephen: what book is it based on? >> it's an unfinished notela. it was called "lady susan." >> stephen: i'm not familiar with "lady susan." there are jane austen novels that haven't been adapted? >> tons that people have not heard of. >> stephen: there are unknown jane austen novels out there, and i understand you brought some with you tonight. >> i did let's show them to the people right now. "sense and sensibility 2: locked and loaded." >> stephen: people know "sense
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and sensibility but they don't know this one "sex and flexibility." >> stephen: this was a popular one: "prejudice and more prejudice." very few people know she wrote this one. >> "fast and furious." >> stephen: this was very popular in the own day: "bonnets and bloodletting." >> "leather and lathering." >> stephen: i like the way you say "laghtering." >> is that the wrong way? >> stephen: no it's a perfect way. we say lathering? you have never lathered. you should try it. >> i think i'm going to. >> stephen: do you want to try this one? >> "the rheumatoid clergyman and the dairy wench." >> stephen: never published in her lifetime. "the seamstress and the muffin top." and, of course, her biggest seller, i can't believe this has never been adapted. >> "a carriage ride to
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bone-town" in the meantime, "love & friendship" is in theaters this friday. we'll be right back with b.j. novak! i'm here for the new iphone. my horoscope told me i should get one. well it just so happens that right now, we're offering a really great deal on the iphone. oh, great. so your horoscope said buy the new iphone? oh yeah. it said, "this day will be fairly eventful."
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my next guest played ryan on "the office," is a bestselling author, and is the cocreator of an app called "list." please welcome b.j. novak. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ >> thank you. >> stephen: nice to meet you. >> nice to meet you, stephen. >> stephen: you're an actor. you're executive producer on
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"the office." you're also a writer. what do you consider yourself first an actor? >> i consider myself a writer. >> stephen: a writer first? >> yes, everything i'm interested in flows from that, so. if i'm acting, the exciting thing is getting the script just as you envision it, and the espn2 is so people can write. >> stephen: when you write your own material, do you ever get it as good on film as you had it in your head? >> uh, that's something i've been learning how to do. i mean, you're an improvisor so you probably have seen both sides of it. you know, as a writer you imagine something as a certain way, and sometimes if you let yourself be in the moment, you can discover something exciting. >> stephen: right, but i often find if a joke is written just right i can hear the music in my head and i can almost never play it as well as i hear it in my head. >> yeah, you just have to keep it in your head, i guess. >> stephen: never tell the best jokes. >> no, that's for you. >> stephen: a lot of writers say they were nerdy kids, unpopular, like oust cast or that sort of thing.
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was that your experience growing up? >> i think that's exaggerating. i think people like to say, "oh, i was such a nerd. i was a rebel. i sat in the back of the bus." most people sat in the middle of the bus. that's how buses work ( laughter ). >> stephen: do you sit in the middle? >> yeah, that's where i sat. i mean, i did my homework and dreamed of being a bit of a rebel. i did-- i did a very nerdy version of rebellion, which i guess is sort of my way of balancing where i sat on the bus. when i was 14 i got it into my head that i wanted a fake i.d. and i committed what-- the only term for it is identity theft to get this fake i.d. i never told this story before. this is pretty much the nerdiest way you can be, like, a bad kid. i went to the newton library where i grew up, and i went through their polling records-- buckle in. ( laughter ) >> stephen: i think you've already-- just that sentence has violated a federal law.
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but go ahead. >> there's a hand full of these. and i actually tried to google the statute of limitations on this before the show and couldn't get the wifi. i looked up-- this is true eye looked up someone that was 21 years old through their polling records -- >> stephen: and you're 14. >> i was 14 years old. i looked up someone who was 21 who had my same first name and initial because i thought, if i get drunk-- i'd never been drunk-- if i forget my name, i can't get busted. so found someone who was named benjamin j. something. so i found this guy's name, and i thought if i can just forge all his documents, i can go to the d.v.m., and say i lost my license, and they'll give me a new license with his picture. this is my plan. so first i need to know where he's born so i can get his birth certificate. so i call his house. i ask for him eye don't know what i would have done-- i get his brother. and i say, "i work with ben. we're doing a crossword puzzle
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based on his life for his birthday, and you tell me what town he was born in?" so he told me, i took the subway there, and i got his birth certificate you. >> stephen: went to the county clerk-- >> they didn't ask for i.d. they just gave me this birth certificate. then i-- then i opened up a mailbox in his name. and wrote-- i was 14. i didn't know what i was doing. i wrote to the i.r.s. ( laughter ) and i filled out tax forms in his name. and then i went to the d.m.v., and i said, "i lost my wallet. i need-- this is all i have." and i looked 14 years old. but i had these documents. so they sent me to the back room where this woman sized me up and said, "i can't give you this. you don't even have a picture." and then said with a wry smile on her face, "open your wallet right now." and like a true method actor, the only thing i had in my
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wallet was a library card i had signed in his name. ( cheers and applause ) and she approved it. and for the rest of high school i had this actual driver's license with my picture on it. ( cheers and applause ) i'm glad i have some support. you have a look on your face like i don't even that was funny or -- >> it was fa fantastic. i just hope you have a good lawyer. yeah. >> i don't know, i don't know. >> stephen: wow. did you ever do anything else like-- >> else like that. >> stephen: illegal? what did you then do with it? >> that was it. >> stephen: did you do anything with it? >> i bought, like, two beers. again, i sat in the middle of the bus. it wasn't like this crazy rebel. >> stephen: did you tell your friends this is easy to do or anything like that? >> yeah, i actually did tell a friend and he did the same thing and we would take a subway to downtown boston and order
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screwdrivers because it was the only drink we had heard of. and we'd sit there at 4:00 p.m. drinking screwdrivers luke a couple of old men -- >> yawr 14 years old. >> yeah, and we'd take the subway back home, play sega games, and wall it a weekend. ( cheers and applause ) so you know -- >> wow. congratulations. congratulations, that's really beautiful. >> thanking. >> stephen: now, let's-- let's talk about-- you got an app he were that you created with someone else. >> dev -- >> is that his real name or a fake name? >> i'll have to investigate. >> stephen: it's called list. it allows people to make their own list lists and share their s with each other. for instance, what might someone make a list of? >> you can do anything from -- >> "crimes i did when i was 14." >> it started as a recommendation thing. i thought we all have these great lists we share with each like restaurant. it evolved even further.
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there are 250,000 lists on it for six months. the majority have veered into self-expression. i think a lot of people are walking around with all these just thoughts in their head-- what happened to me today? funny things i overheard. pictures on my phone. >> stephen: is it always the same number? is it always five things? >> no, it's whatever you want. five is pretty common. >> stephen: five random photos. >> five random photos from my phone. the game is you close your eyes and choose at random. >> stephen: this is you with a bread stick. this is a picture of david lifn. >> i don't know why it's on my phone. >> stephen: this is you you with a friend of yours. and this is you with my wife, mindy kaelin. all right, all right. di-- i did-- i did one of these-- >> i saw you on the app today. it was exciting. >> stephen: i did one of these. at random here, actually, i don't have the app up here. this is my son with a cookie bigger than his face. this is a guy holding a crane
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down with a rope on 53rd street. this is me from a sign i stole from "late night with conan o'brien" 10 years ago. this is my dog, cookie. i call her queen of the goldep wood. and that is me getting my teeth whitened. and now i've shared a list. >> and see how much you've pressed with that list. >> stephen: b.j. novak thank you for being here. "list" is available for iphone and android. b.j. novak, everybody! and android. b.j. novak, everybody! we'll be right back. strong... you. new special k nourish. multi-grain flakes with quinoa, apples, almonds and raspberries. new special k nourish. fortify. you need to eat this special. ♪ ♪ i love it start your day with crunchy whole-grain flakes... and real strawberries.
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all there's dancing and music in the dark. people are younger and better looking in the dark. see? people wear their most stylish and glamorous clothes in the dark. people get brave and daring in the dark. bowling is less sad, and making out is much more likely. so if all this good stuff happens in the dark, wouldn't you want a camera that can capture things... the dark? the new galaxy s7 edge with low-light camera. ♪ an oven-baked digiorno? or waiting for delivery? did you have that beard when we ordered? a hot, fresh-baked crust? or?
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network television debut tonight. here with his chart-topping platinum song, "panda," please welcome desiigner! >> late show, party us right now. late show, stand up. clap. clap. clap.
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♪ i got broads in atlanta twisting dope, lean, ♪ and the fanta credit cards and scammers ♪ hitting off licks in the bando black x6, phantom ♪ white x6 looks like a panda going out like i'm montana ♪ hundred killers, hundred hammers ♪ black x6, phantom white x6, panda ♪ pockets swole, danny selling bar, candy ♪ man i'm the mocho like randy the choppa go oscar for grammy ♪ ( bleep ) ( bleep ) pull up ya panty ♪ hope you killas understand me ♪ i got broads in atlanta twisting dope, lean, ♪ and the fanta credit cards and scammers ♪ hitting off licks in the bando black x6, phantom ♪ white x6 looks like a panda going out like i'm montana ♪ hundred killers, hundred hammers ♪ black x6, phantom white x6, panda ♪ pockets swole, danny selling bar, candy ♪ man i'm the mocho like randy the choppa go oscar for grammy ♪ ( bleep ) ( bleep ) pull up ya panty ♪ hope you killas understand me ♪ panda, panda panda, panda, panda, ♪ panda, panda
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♪ i got broads in atlanta twisting dope, lean, ♪ and sipping fanta credit cards and the scammers ♪ wake up versace, ( bleep ) life desiigner ♪ whole buncha lot of ( bleep ) they be asking round town who be ♪ clappin ( bleep ) i pullin up stuff in the ♪ phantom ship i got plenty of stuff of ♪ bugatti, whip look how i try this ( bleep ) ♪ black x6, phantom white x6, killing on camera ♪ pop a perc, i can't stand up gorilla, they come and kill you ♪ with bananas four fillas, they finna pull up ♪ in the phantom know ( bleep ), they come and ♪ kill you on the camera big rollie, it dancing bigger ♪ than a pandie go oscar for grammy, ♪ ( bleep ) pull up your panty fill up i'ma flip it, i got ♪ ( bleep ) pull up and they get it ♪ i got ( bleep ) that counting for digits ♪ say you make you a lot of new money jeff the don doing business ♪ zana ray ( bleep ) up ( bleep ) and she doin' her ♪ bidnezz
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i be getting to the chicken ♪ counting to the chicken and all of my ( bleep ) gone ♪ spilt it ♪ panda, panda panda, panda, ♪ panda, panda, panda ♪ i got broads in atlanta twisting dope, lean, ♪ and the fanta credit cards and scammers ♪ hitting off licks in the bando black x6, phantom ♪ white x6 looks like a panda going out like i'm montana ♪ hundred killers, hundred hammers ♪ black x6, phantom white x6, panda ♪ pockets swole, danny selling bar, candy ♪ man i'm the mocho like randy the choppa go oscar for grammy ♪ ( bleep ) pull up ya panty hope you killas understand me ♪ i got broads in atlanta twisting dope, lean, ♪ and the fanta credit cards and scammers ♪ hitting off licks in the bando black x6, phantom ♪ white x6 looks like a panda going out like i'm montana ♪hundred killers, hundred hammers ♪ black x6, phantom white x6, panda ♪ pockets swole, danny selling bar, candy ♪ man i'm the mocho like randy the choppa go oscar for grammy
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♪ ( bleep ) pull up ya panty hope you killas understand me >> make some noise right now! you all, make some noise! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ panda, panda panda, panda, ♪ panda, panda, ♪ >> thank you so much. desiigner, everybody. we'll be right back!
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late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be ryan gosling and russell crowe, jessie mueller, and a musical performance by animal collective. stay tuned for james corden and his guest simon helberg. good night! >> reggie: ♪ are you ready to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight ♪ it's the late, late show >> ladies and gentlemen, all the way


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