tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS December 6, 2016 11:35pm-12:33am EST
morning crew back tomorrow starting at captioning sponsored by cbs >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, stephen welcomes vice president joe biden and dj khaled, featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! good to see ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thank you, mark.
>> stephen! stephen! stephen. >> jon: yeah! >> stephen: what's going on, jon. good to see you. ( cheers and applause ) hey! you're very nice. oh, the people-- wonderful. what a lovely crowd. welcome to "the late show." i'm stephen colbert. everybody feeling good? ( cheers and applause ) nice. people are excited about joe biden is what they're excited about. ( cheers and applause ) i wish that was for me. big political news today is that al gore went to trump tower yesterday to talk climate change with donald trump. yeah, yeah. ( applause ) first half of the meeting was convincing trump that al gore was not a hoax invented by the
chinese. when gore emerged from the meeting, i gotta say he was passionately noncommittal. >> i found it an extremely interesting conversation and to be continued. ( laughter ) >> stephen: "extremely interesting" and "to be continued," two things that have never been used to describe al gore's political career. ( laughter ) >> jon: hey! >> stephen: keith breathing. keep breathing. meanwhile, trump's twitter stream is just as polluted as ever. this morning he issued this tweet: yeah, just cancel. just treat a $4 billion plane like a pizza from grub hub. cancel.
i hope boeing wasn't close to finishing it. it's kind of a custom order. i guess they could put it on the seattle craigslist: "available: bulletproof 747 that can outmaneuver a hellfire missile. $4 billion, or best offer." serious inquiries only." and then later, trump put his tweet where his mouth is. >> we want boeing to make a lot of money, but not that much money. okay? thank you. ( laughter ) >> stephen: a sentiment that is captured on his new hat: "make america great again. not that great." ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ now, after the comments, "boeing's stock took an immediate sharp turn downward." i don't know if donald trump realizes that for the next four years, his most casual offhand
comments could shake the stock market. he could cause the next great depression with a bad yelp review of taco bell. "gordita supreme tastes so authentic, i'm having it deported." ( cheers and applause ) now, a lot of worried people out there are trying to keep trump from being president, even at this point. a member of the electoral college named christopher souprun, just wrote an apsed, "why i will not cast my electoral vote for donald trump. he said trump is unfit for office and as evidence he cites-- donald trump. this makes souprun, called a faithless elector, also a lifetime movie about a wife having an affair with a voting machine. this guy suggests that instead of trump, republican electors should vote for someone like
governor john kasich of ohio. come on! it's a protest vote. you can pick anyone on the planet, and you choose john kasich. that's like a jeanie giving you three wishes and you saying, "i'll take three old navy giftcards." they're great by the way. obviously, one of your wishes would be for an old navy giftcard. speaking of gift cards, do you guys use amazon? of course you do. where else are you going to go at 4:00 a.m. to buy a tent, a nose hair trimmer, and a clarinet? they suggest those together. hair trimmer and clarinet look alike. don't mix those up. they're very painful but sound beautiful. well, amazon has announced that it is opening a line of brick- and-mortar grocery stores called amazon go, which, according to their website, is a new kind of store with no checkout required.
simply use the amazon go app to enter the store, take the products you want, and go! i've done that. it's called stealing. ( laughter ) just take it and go. ( applause ) ♪ ♪ just think-- no checkout means never again will you get stuck in line behind some old person counting change. now you'll get stuck in line behind an old person trying to install an app on their smartphone. anyway, good luck, amazon. i just hope nobody comes up with a way to buy stuff on the internet, or these stores are going to get crushed. we've got a great show for you tonight. vice president joe biden is here. stick around. ♪ ♪ ( applause )
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around here.also invited a father figure who has actual authority: your pops, me on her. it's so important you do thi's e they don't listen all the timye. exactly. so,e ) -- all right, sit down, you can't clap your way outf how you doing? i are >> hey, champ. rr changes. we know you're worriedw? it's not permanent.
il there's ock.an old >>phather clock-- maybe theenwi back to the other. or better yet, just look at your phone. hey, buddy, we're not done. sit down. we're just getting started. do you need some bug spray for the ants in your pants. that's a dad joke. get used to. there's something else we need to talk to you about. >> look, we're not mad. we're just disappointed. >> stephen: i'm actually mad. i'm actually very mad. we overheard you using some pretty salty language the other day. we know you're better than that. we tonight want to hear those swear words from you-- "hogwash" or "baloney" or "malarkey." >> stephen: joe, joe, we're on cbs. they're going to bleep half of
that. >> i'm sorry. i'm so gosh darn disappointed -- >> that is the angriest i have ever seen this man! look what you did! >> sorry, i'm sorry. >> stephen: look what you did to your pop! you made him say the "d" word. are you going to be okay? >> i think so so. >> stephen: look, i don't mean to come down tow hard on you, buddy, i just don't think it's the job of your cad to be a best friend. >> well, i do, i do. look, here are some leftover fireworks. i want you to take them, i want you to go out, and i want you to go out and have some fun, have some fun. you know,un, you don't-- you know, you know, kiddo, don't think i haven't noticed you've been cutting some corners when you've been mowing the lawn lately. >> stephen: yeah, yeah. that's a thing in this family, life is like a grandfather clock-- >> no, no, we already did that. we already did that. >> stephen: well, then what's the saying? >> the saying is, "any job worth doing is worth doing well."
>> stephen: okay, you have to always do your best to mow the lawn. it doesn't matter that somebody else is about to get the job of mowing the lawn after you, even though as far as you can tell, that person has never touched a lawnmower in his life. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> look, look, look, kid, it doesn't matter who is mowing it. the point is the greatest lawn in the world. and no matter our differences, we're all responsible for its upkeep. and i've got to believe that in their heart, the next mower is-- is going to do the best they can to make sure that lawn, that everyone feels safe to have a picnic on it. ( laughter ). >> stephen: that's a beautiful metaphor. ( laughter ). >> metaphor? metaphor. okay. look, i'm talking about mowing the lawn. what are you talking about? >> stephen: same thing. i'm talking about the same thing. listen, buddy, just remember, when you're doing a job, always give 110% and always respect
your boss. >> especially if he has the nuclear launch codes. ( laughter ). >> stephen: good point. listen to this man. and you know what? you know what? here's-- here's 20 bucks. go have some fun. >> hey, you know, you know what-- i need to borrow that 20 bucks. ( laughter ) ( applause ) you know-- i'm-- i'm losing my job pretty soon. i'm losing my job pretty soon. >> stephen: oh, you're losing your job. oh, yeah, that's right. so what are you going to do next, bosdz? >> well, i'm going to follow my passion, you know, speedboat racing. i love danger, you know. and you got your whole life ahead of you, kid. >> stephen: yeah, you've got your whole life ahead of you. don't listen to him. speak of life i think it's maybe time we had "the talk." don't be embarrassed! up here. don't be embarrassed. perfectly natural. pops, tell him about the birds and the bees. >> here's the deal-- they're disappearing at an alarming
rate. ( laughter ) ( applause ) both birds and bee populations. they're plummeting. they're plummeting. >> stephen: you know what would get those populations back up? sex. but you're too young to know about that stuff. >> look, go ask your mother. you know,, you know, what. you're a kid kid. here-- here's 20 bucks from your pop. go have some fun grrm that we love you. we'll be right back with vice president joe biden. >> but we love you, we love you. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) hey come quick... my new beer, stella artois, is finished. the people will love it. originally brewed for the holidays. enjoyed ever since. stella artois. host one to remember do you have anything i can borrow for the holiday party? of course! cute! do you have anything for people? save ten when you spend fifty on apparel and accessories at target.
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folks, my first guest tonight is the 47th vice president of the united states. please welcome vice president joseph biden. ♪ joe biden joe biden ♪ joe biden joe biden ♪ joe biden joe biden ♪ joe biden ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back. >> it's great to be back. >> stephen: so nice to in over a year, and it is the first time we've spoke own air first television interview you've done since the election. some people were shocked that night. some people were quite surprised. what was that night like for you? >> well, i've been in a closet since then. i haven't come out-- no.
( laughter ) look, it was a-- it was a-- it was disappointing, to state the obvious. and-- but there were signs toward the end that this was going to be a lot closer than we thought. hillary did get 2.5 million more votes, but the truth of the matter is. ( cheers and applause ) but, by the way, this is fair and square won. we have an electoral system. we're a republic. and that's the way it works. but i did a total of 84 campaign events for her, and toward the end, you could feel there was-- there was a change. because this was the-- there was hardly any discussion about any issues in this campaign. and i remember getting off the plane-- i guess i was going to cleveland-- and speaking to a large crowd of a couple of thousand people, and i said what really has me upset is the fact is that the press has only covered these sort of outrageous assertions that have been made, and-- and there was no
discussion of the things that elections are supposed to be about, a referendum on ideas and about what weather what we're going to do about education or jobs o or foreign policy. and i, you know, the campaign knew at that time that-- that the concern was whether there was going to be enough turnout among millennials and there was a concern about the states that in fact turned out very closely but went the other way. >> stephen: well, the last time you were here, you hadn't made up your mind yet as to whether you were going to run for president. and i asked you at the time, and you couldn't give me an answer at the time. and you've said that you have regretted every day not running. was there a particular day or days... ( laughter ) because for me it was november 9 bthree weeks ago. ( laughter ) but was there a day in the last year that you went, "i wish i had jumped in? >> look, let me be clear. about
the regret. i know i made the right decision for my family. i know i made the right decision-- i'm not sure i would have been able to put my whole heart into it. but what i regret is the circumstance that led me not to be able to run. i do think that i-- it's a terrible thing to say, on many people's minds, but do i think i was best prepared at this moment to lead the country? i-- i-- i did, because i mean i thought the issues that are of greatest concern were in my wheelhouse, things i've dealt with my whole career. so in that sense, i'm disappointed that i'm not going to be in a position to be making some of those decisions. but i don't regret the actual decision. the decision was the right decision for me to have made. and by the way, you know, i learned-- you want to become the most popular guy in america? announce you're not running. announce you're not run, and, boy, everything moves in a direction. who knows what would have happened had i run? >> stephen: well, we might
find out because yesterday were you were on capitol hill when you were asked by a reporter, "are you going to run for office again? is it and you said-- and i quote, "yeah, i am, i'm going to run in 2020." reporter, "for what?" "for president, so, you know, what the hell man." ( cheers and applause ) >> well, look, stephen, i know, i did that for one reason. so i could announce now i'm not running and be popular again. ( laughter ) i mean, because i learned. >> stephen: there's no way? you didn't mean that? what the hell, vice president? >> look, i've become-- you and i talked about this in a different context before. i'm a great respecter of fate. i don't plan on running again. but to say you know what's going to happen in four years i just think is-- is not rational. i -- >> that is the sound of a door creeking open, is that what that is. >> well look i mean, i can't see the circumstance in which i'd run, but what i've learned a
long long, long time ago, stephen to never say never. you don't know what's going to happen. hell, donald trump is going to be 74. i'll be 77 nbetter shape. who knows? >> stephen: arm wrestling. ( cheers and applause ) maybe arm wrestling. >> no, i have no plans-- i have no plans. >> stephen: no plans? >> but i'm going to stay deeply, deeply involved. every morning i've gotten up since i was 26 years old. there have been some issues. there were issues i am concerned. my dad had an expression, "a lucky publish gets up in the morning, puts both feet on the floor and knows what he's going to do and it matters. there are things i care deeply about, violence against women to whether or not we have a rational arms control policy ( applause ). >> stephen: you've been-- you know, you've been in washington, in public service for over 40 years. what do you expect from the trump administration?
>> now, y'all are going to laugh when i say this. but the honest to god truth si don't know. no, but i'm being deadly earnest here. i don't think-- i don't think the president himself knows for certain. ( laughter ) no, by the way, presidents who really knew why they were running and had thought they were going to win and planned, you get there, and it's a different world. i'm telling you. it's a different world. i served in the senate for 36 years. one of the reasons the president asked me to join him was because i allegedly knew a lot about the government. but it's a different-- ( laughter ) but all kidding aside. it is the largest corporation in the world. it is, you know, if you're going to do it well, it takes you, you know, 10 to 12 hours a day just absorbing information. and if you look at the people that donald trump has named so far, some give me great pause. there's other people he's appointed offed in the
administration that are very solid. elaine chao, is fully capable being a great secretary of labor. so it's just-- i don't think anybody knows for certain, but we have to be vigilant, and when in fact it looks like the administration is moving in the direction that is harmful or dangerous, or-- or if-- i'm counting on president-elect trump to tamp down the-- this bitterness thees being promoted about everything from the l.g.b.t. community to african americans to muslims. i mean -- >> what do you make of a president-- or president-elect who seems to be responding on the spur of the moment with tweets to personal slights, like attacking alec baldwin on "s.n.l.," or taking a moment to cancel an order from boeing based on we don't know what? ( laughter ) and, like, it seems a little
mecuriel. >> well, i can understand going after late-night hosts. i can understand that. it makes a lot of sense to me, to attack you guys. i don't know. no, look -- >> i'm afraid that's all we have time for. ( laughter ). >> look, i-- we -- >> don't we want the steadiest possible hand-- >> we do. >> stephen: and the president is saying the first thing that occurs to his thumbs, it's a little unnerving. >> yes, it is but, you know, look, we've got to do-- look, let's assume the-- the worst. it makes no sense to start this off without the rest of us saying we're going to give this guy an actual even shot. we're going to give him a clear shot to do the job. we're going to actually be there to work with him, and when he has good ideas and challenge his ideas when they're not.
here's what i hope we get away from. i hope we get away from what is basically an adhom nem argument that takes place today. it's always about the other guy's motive, what the other guy intends, not so much what he thinks or what he's proposing but the reason he did that is because of the following. i just don't think it gets us very far. one thing is going to happen-- you're going to see the debate sharpen very, very drastically because they're not going to be reporting about whether what he said on a particular show i hope. they're going to be talking about whether or not his idea to deal with trade mawks sense, whether his idea to deal withing about a wall makes sense. there will be a real debate engaged which never occurred in the last election. i think-- and quite frankly, unless he changes some of his views, i think it's going to be-- reports of the demise of the democratic party are premature.
i see them coming back big time in 2018. >> stephen: well, we'll find out, we'll find out. >> we'll find out. >> stephen: we'll be right back with more joe biden. stick around, everybody. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) welcome. look at these old navy pajamas. homemade hors d'oeuvres? uh nobody cares. as i was saying, before my sister rudely interrupted, i don't know why i'm so disgustingly generous... ... by giving you guys luxurious pajamas from old navy. awe! thank you. i don't want to make you feel bad but i was like... you told me that the entire store was up to 60% off at old navy. shut your mouth. those pants were seven bucks. new game! truth or dare! should i crawl around like a cat? meow. meow.
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♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> stephen: we're here with your friend and mine, vice president joe biden. now, one of the things-- the responsibility that you've taken on in the last year is what you are calling the cancer moonshot, what you and the president called the cancer moonshot, to put the country and our research facilities can and put the government support behind the idea of finding a cure for cancer in the next 10 years. how do you approach this as a father who lost his son a year
and a half ago to the disease that you're hoping to bring an end to? how does that affect you personally? >> look, you and i in one of our private conversations, you told you about the-- i got a letter-- an awful lot of you, by the way-- maybe some in the audience-- were incredibly generous to my family and me when we lost our son, but a lot of people have had equally bad things or worse happen to them and don't have the support that i have had. they get up every morning. they put one foot in front of the other and they go out there and they do their job and they move. and that's what i keep thinking about, those people. and i also, as i said to you, i got a letter from vicki kennedy, ted kennedy's wife-- she was a great friend and a friend of my son's as well, both my sons. and she included in the letter a copy of the a letter that her
father-in-law, who she never knew, ambassador kennedy, ted's father, had written to a friend in 1954 who had just lost his son. and remember, ambassador kennedy lost his eldest son, joe, in world war ii. and joe was the guy thought to be destined to be the president and the leader of the sd every time teddyou o his bureaul letter his father wrote toiss ar thay make the name up. i don'tthere's no way to explain know how to fill the oii determined shortly after joe died, i'd ask myself 'what would joe do if he were here? ' and i devoted my life to doing what i thought joe would do. that fills the void.
it makes it worthwhile." and i know that if it were reversed, beau would be spending his time to bring together the great minds in the cancer research world, all around the world, to focus have have a greater sense of urgency on what can be done to do in the next five years what ordinarily would take 10, to take some cancers and turn them into chronic diseases, completely cure others. you know, when nixon declared the war on cancer in 1961-- '71-- he had no army. he had no tools. he had-- he had no real information. and so the entire structure set up to deal with cancer was sort of a joan aassault model, one guy or woman in a laboratory finding a specific cure. well, we didn't know then, there are over 200 different cancers, completely different cancers. there are tools we have now that
didn't exist. we can compute to the degree of a million, billion calculations per second. there have been hundreds of thousands, millions of cancer genomes that have been done, sequenced. there's all this data. and one of the things we found out is if you're prepared to share that data-- which the culture of medicine isn't prepared to do yet-- if they share that data, we can find answers. i'll bet every one of you know somebody who has had cancer-- hopefully not in your family, but maybe in your family-- and a treatment was prescribed. and for another person who had the same cancer a treatment was prescribed and it worked on one and not the other? why? why is that happening? well, there are answers. and the only way to do that is to aggregate massive amounts of data and use the technology we have to be able to look at patterns and how it changes, what works and what doesn't work and why it works. for example, i did this report for the president with these brilliant, brilliant cancer
specialists from around the world, and signed a memorandum of understanding with 10 different nations appeared at the u.n. when we had the general assembly to share all this information. one of the things that we found out is that-- for example, the largest hospital in the world is the veterans hospital. they have more data on cancer. they have more blood samples to test whether there are markers in your blood for cancer, which they're finding out now they can figure those things out. and all of a sudden, we got a phone call from-- from the company that happens to have a little machine called watson and said, "why don't we make watson available to you?" because watson has read every single solitary piece of data on cancer around the world. so now someone gets cancer in the military, they go to the hospital at walter reed, they get their human genome sequenced. it gets put into watton. watton in a matter of hours can
show you every field on that type of cancer toinar oat field exponentially what will work better. there are all kinds of things beginning to happen. the biggest thing is change the culture of sharing data, sharing information, not hording it. and we're beginning to break down these silos and barriers and i think we're going to make enormous progress. >> stephen: well, one of the things that-- ( applause ) one of the things that gives me hope is that on this issue at least, you and the president and leaders from the other side have been able to bring people together. there's a bill that has now passed the house and it just passed the senate and it's anything to be going to the president's desk for signature allocating $1.8 billion to this effort of the moonshot, along with other research. and mitch mcconnell, the majority leader for the republicans, did something that i thought was a beautiful
gesture. >> i agree. >> stephen: and named the bill for your son. >> he did. you know, it's the senate i used to know. ( applause ) >> stephen: that's something that-- you just don't hear anymore. >> no, it's the senate i grew up in. there's a lot of decency. we treated each other with respect. it was a generous thing to do. and, you know, you know-- and ts on getting this passed, whose called "the cures bill" were among the leaders were two of them were the leading republicans in the house of representatives. this is the one bipartisan issue. and i remember when i was saying i hope i can get, before the year is out, another $1 billion for cancer. we got $1.8 billion. when i say, "i got." but it's an example of how-- how we used to work-- we have to listen to each other. we don't listen very much anymore. within my party now, there's a
debate that we either have to somehow yield on our progressive principles relating to women and african americans, l.g.b.t. communities. i said, look, i take a back seat as no one. i got listed as one of the most liberal voting records in 36 years. i was the guy that said i was totally comfortable with gay marriage and things began to change. i make no excuses for my position. ( applause ) but here's the deal. but what i've found is that is not at all inconsistent with looking out for the people in the neighborhoods i grew up with, working people, high school-educated people who are scared to death, who all of a sudden find themselveses on a scrapheap because they have good jobs, and all of a sudden their job is gone, and they no longer-- they're not qualified to the new digital age. they don't know what to do. they're frightened. they're scared. the neighborhoodses i come from in scrantom and clamont and wilmington, they're as
progressive-- but they need to know you understand their problem, you understand their fear, you understand their concern. and a lot of them are being left behind. >> stephen: mr. vice president are, you sure you won't run in four years? ( laughter ) ( applause ). ( cheers ) >> here's what i'm sure of-- what i'm sure of is that with every ounce of energy in me, i'm going to continue to fight for the things i always believed in, which i think are basic fundamental american values. it sounds corny, but there are two things. everyone is entitled to be treated with dignity. and as my dad would say, "joe, a job's about a lot more than a paycheck. it's your dignity. it's your respect. it's your place in the community." and the second fundamental principle is the abuse of power should not be tolerated at all under any circumstances. ( cheers and applause )
>> stephen: i agree to that. we've-- we've got to go, but before we go, i just want to know, do you know that jon batiste and i have challenged you and the president to a two-on-two basketball game. >> i'm ready. >> stephen: you're ready. >> i'm ready. >> stephen: you're in. >> now, i want you to know, jon, the president is going to go to his left. >> oh, yeah. >> yeah, yeah, i want you to know. i've got colbert. i'm not taking you. >> stephen: hey, hey! so he's in, i'm in, you're in. >> we've got to get barack. >> stephen: mr. president, mr. president, come on. >> and, by the way, he may bring along lebron, i don't know. >> jon: whoa! >> stephen: whatever, see me shake. mr. vice president, thank you for being here. it's always a pleasure to have you here. vice president joe biden. ( applause ) ♪ ♪
my next guest is a recording artist, business mogul, snapchat sensation, and now author of the new book, "the keys." please welcome dj khaled. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) ♪ got money on my mind i can never get enough ♪ ♪ ♪ >> so blessed. hey, great. they're great. >> stephen: i'm so excited you're here. i feel like i have to bless up. >> we definitely have to bless up at all times. we've got life, man. everybody got life. we have to bless up every single day. >> stephen: life is good. more life is better. music mogul producer, snapchat star, recording artist, today, nominated for a grammy. congratulations. >> thank you, thank you so much.
>> stephen: that's great. for your rap album "major key." >> that's right. >> stephen: and now you're an author. >> that's right. >> stephen: you're author of the book "the keys." >> and it's a "new york times" bestseller list. and that's the major key. >> stephen: when do you sleep? you do a lot. >> well, you know, the key is to get some rest. but, but i have to be honest with you. i really don't sleep that much. i get, like, four hours, sometimes on a lucky day, six. i just had my biggest blessing in the world is my son. and so i gotta wake up every two, three hours. >> stephen: congratulations. >> you know what i'm saying? i love it, though. i'm not tired. i'm great. i'm healthy. i'm vibrant. i'm blessed. >> stephen: your father came to the united states with $20 in his pocket. >> yes, absolutely. >> stephen: do you think you're living the american dream? >> absolutely, man. i'm living not just the american dream, a world dream, just a blessing man. you know what i'm saying? hard work pays off.
the key is to stay focused and believe in your vision, believe in yourself. and don't-- don't get distracted. stay away from "they." never complain. just keep -- >> that's woivet keys right here. you've got a handy little list on the front. i have read the book cover to cover and read both covers of the book so far. number one, "stay away from they." who is "they," and why? >> they are the people who don't believe in you, they don't want us to win. they don't want us on your show. and i'm on your show. >> stephen: you know what i say when the show goes particularly well, i say, "mark i feel sorry for them tonight. they thought they could stop us." i don't know who "they" are, but they didn't stop us tonight. >> i have a solution, a key to that, stay away from they. >> stephen: >> stephen: what is that? >> it's called "they block." and they block is brought to you by myself, cocoa butter and palmer's because i love cocoa butter. this is a special edition called
they block. when they around just put a little-- put a little on your hands. and you good. you good. ( cheers and applause ) you know what i'm saying in ( applause ) you know what i'm saying? >> stephen: that's nice. that's nice. i smell delicious right now! >> it's amazing, it's amazing. >> stephen: i can keep the they block. >> yes. can comes out december 13. you have an exclusive. >> stephen: fantastic. what is, "win, win, win, no matter what "? i. >> i mean, all we do is win, man. you know that. you know that. >> stephen: as a matter of fact, barack obama entered the correspondents' dinner in 2013 to your song. jim. ♪ ♪ >> thank you. >> thank you, everybody. ( laughter ) how do you like my new entrance music? >> stephen: how did that feel to have the president use your song instead of "hail to the
chief?" >> you know, i never forget that day. i was in new york city at a hotel. and i was taking a nap, and i seen 100 texts, "obama just walked out to your song." i prayed immediately. and i said, "man, we made it." you know, for a lot of reasons we made it. my president that i love, and also, i passed every security check there was. ( laughter ) because you know he ain't going to walk out to a song unless you-- unless you cleaning, you know what i mean. i'm like i got a great future ahead of me. you know what i mean? >> stephen: yes, i do know what you mean. it's all in "the keys." >> go get "the keys," right now. "new york times" bestsaler. >> stephen: "the keys" is out now. dj khaled, everybody. we'll be right back.
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late show," everybody! tune in tomorrow when my guests will be sigourney weaver andy cohen, and a performance by pilobolus. now stick around for james corden and his guests, billy crystal and taron egerton. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all