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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  October 5, 2017 11:50pm-12:53am EDT

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not on the field? >> tony: you know the feelings of the guys and you want to situationally execute and do it the right way, you saw a lot of good things by both teams at the end. bill belichick did not let them get the home run, and then calling his own. jameis winston took what he should. >> tony: i enjoyed it. >> jim: coming up on your local bloom back after your local news, followed by "the late late show" tonight only on cbs. ♪ for more football, though "mazda postgame show" continues on nfl network. ♪ patriots take it 19-14. for tony, tracey, jay, and all the crew. jim nantz, thanks, so long from tampa, thank you for watching the "mazda postgame show"!
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sir, we don't have tater tots. it's what you do. i will have nachos! saving 50% on these samsung galaxy note 8s from sprint was a genius idea. now we can finish our work before we get to work. (vo) get the samsung galaxy note 8, right now for 50% off. with galaxy forever, you can upgrade every year to the latest galaxy. for people with hearing loss, switch to sprint. visit ♪ >> announcer: cbs sports thanks you for watching this presentation of the national football league. ♪ closed captioning provided by cbs sports division.
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>> right now on eyewitness news. cam newton apologizes and the comments to the female reporter. >> and plus this. >> just because you're on this accident mean you have to change as the person. >> future of phillies, reece
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hopkins talks to don bell about his look write season and philadelphia fans and what's next for the team. >> but, first, were there other tarring etion? new details come to light as investigators try to piece together a motive in the las vegas mass shooting. i'm ukee washington. >> i'm nicole brewer in for jessica dean. investigators believe the gunman's planning was so elaborate he may have had an accomplice. he was living a secret life as they continue to searcg for a motive. today we learned the gunman fired at concert goers foreterrifying ten minutes from 30 second floor of mandalay bay. officials believe he had escape plan and decided to take his own life when police closed in on him. and news evidence suggest paddock may have been conside considering other locations for his rampage. >> eyewitness news reporter greg argos joins us with what investigators are revealing tonight. >> those investigators are coming through the history of las vegas shooter.
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their goal is to determine the motive behind the deadliest mass shooting in modern u.s. history and they learn the shooter may have been considering other locations for rampage before setting on las vegas more than a month before the attack in las vegas stephen paddock overlooked the la lapalooza music festival and never checked in and over a different festival in las vegas and researchesker. ed boston among fen way park this is found in his electric devices. ultimately he killed 5 people from the window of mandalay bay hotel. >> as to record fairy to see two little windows can do so much damage. >> as investigators look for a motive his background reveals a brivt, low key man and hey stakes gambler casinos
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cater to. >> there's things waiting for him and he requests akizations he wants. >> investigators focusing on why starting october 2016 he accumulated weapons from dwun stores in nevada, california, texas and utah. and why his car contained ammunition, fertilizer and tanarite a powerful explosive as this youtube demonstration shows and more questions remain what was paddock's motive and why the fixations of crowds of tens of thousands of people. >> as we look at active shooters over time, from time to time you do get a sense of competition. >> now, law enforcement officials tell cbs news his girlfriend told investigators he was concerned about his mental stability but she says she had no clue he was planing a deadly rampage. live in the sat center, greg argos cbs3 eyewitness news. >> a rare bipartisan
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consensus in the wake of gun control. congress and national rifle association believe something should be done with gunfire stocks. he made gunfire quickly luke a banned automatic weapon. bum fire shots should be subject so to additional regulations. >> breaking right now, a motorcyclist killed in a crash on the schuylkill expressway tonight, this is a live look from our traffic camera. eastbound lanes are closed at montgomery drive. and westbound lanes are closed at girard avenue. any more updates we'll bring them to you on our newscast. >> philadelphia police are investigating a sexual assault of a 57-year-old woman in olney. and police say the suspect forced his way into a home in the 5800 block of marshall street early tuesday morning and held his victim as gun point. after taking money, wallets and smart phone he assaulted the woman and tried to get away in her car.
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a neighbor got into a struggle that suspect and the neighbor smacked the gun out of the suspect's happened and suspect ran away. >> new tonight parents and students demand answers after mold takes offer a gloucester county elementary school. board of education met this evening to plot out the next steps for holly glen elementary in williamstown. david spunt reports the school well be closed tomorrow and next week. student will be sent elsewhere. >> there's a mold problem between the walls of holly again in monroe company township, new jersey. so bad school officials made the decision to shut the school down until they can get rid of it. >> we are not going to put anybody in unsafe conditions. >> jordan owens has two kids at olly glen area her 3rd grader has been sick and she wonders if mold is is the culprit sgi feel like it could be too late and levels are this high and we're just finding out about it. >> charles herling haerld from owens and other concerned
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parent for over two hours. >> we have agreement to close the school to bring the school back under what we consider safe operating guidelines. >> one by one they expressed outrage at the district for not telting fog mold sooner i. >> i tree it keep her clear the mold as it stands and i'm sending her there every day. >> holly glen kids will be busseded to other schools in the district. >> i'm happy they're closing it down. my concern is bussing all these kids to another school. over crowded classrooms. >> there are no other option as cording to superintendent. originally they said cool would be closed for three weeks. i'm told that timeline has been extended. superintendent earling says he plans to test all of the schools in the district for mold. david spunt, cbs3, eyewitness news. >> two restaurants suspended in delaware. authorities say they're behind
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a disturbing picture posted on social media that had a racial slur. it depicts mascot holding a pain were n word written on it also reading they don't bhong and cr. district became aware of the picture last night and students are upset. >> my heart dropped and i wanted to cry it was disrespectful. >> is it doesn't hurt you until it's you. >> i was not surprised hear smuv around the cool today and it's not to that extreme but close to. it i was not sxtd i was hurt. >> delaware department of justice issued a statement reading in part, this time of conduct is and the school had you pursue disciplinary actio action. you have to have -- to have criminal charges at this time. >> embattled tim murphy is leaving in the wake of sal ericious affair and abortion
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laws. he accused his mistress to have a baby when she was pregnant. murphy told us he was retiring in 20 19 after serving out his term. he was under mounting pressure to quit. >> future of the game. reece hopkins was one of the bright spots as phillies season 9 up and 9 down came to a close. >> rookie and don he's taking the league by storm. >> there were a couple of nights i wanted to built a statue. he's been cigarette. >> this were in the dog takes of summer and phillies are flirting with 100 losses and tiskerring and given young suspect a chance. reece hopkins is one of those guys. he showed up five games later it began. >> there's a high fly ball to deep left field, way back there. it is gone. the first major league home
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run for reece hopkins. >> reece had electro find in all of them mraws the brotherly love. >> it's important if a wide variety of people around philadelphia is more surprising. >> what's more surprising is how rookie have impact on team in middle of massive rebuild. since in august no player has been eye national anthem then the deep left ed sealeder field. >> not babe ruth, not hank erin it's a hooky from sack meant owe state. >> i sgru up in college it's something i try to lever the ballpark each day the same and get to the ballpark the same and to each his own. >> reece is hard to miss in person. and he's even hard to miss on your twitter feed. over the last couple months he
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spent many night trending in philadelphia but the 2 24-year-old appears to be immune to the new found taken. >> we grow up with it my again raiing guys like my age group up one it we're a little more used to that platform in society now especially in sports. it's something i try to have fun with. >> hoskins finished brief rookie system with 18 home runs and 48 rbi and learned more than you can skaj in. >> you have to be subtorn routine and what makes you feel good come game time. keeping your body right even making good, disciplined decisions about what you know is going to make you feel good today but also tomorrow. >> and speaking of tomorrow, what's next for the phils. they split their final 70 games and showed competitive spirit and they're in the market for new manage are and he's has one in mind his consumer investigative consumer investigative reporterer skipper dustin at aaa lehigh valley. >> we developed a great friend surprise out of baseball good
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no matter who is in the manager office he is excited about the future and learning from lessons in the past. >> there was a lot of daydreaming as a kid with her. >> when was in high school he lost his mother for cancer and now he planes an angel in the outfield. >> i hope she would be proud. staying home would lead off most conversations. >> well gounded individual, man, he's bought eyes on prize very focused looking for time to relax this off an and well travel a bit, asia, china, ult palletly looking forward to the same thing. >> seems like a good guy, on the -- and off. >> cam newton. >> some called the football star sexist after a meant he made at a news conference. what newton is saying about the comments and fallout that
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filed, kate. >> quiet night outside. haze out there, 71. we're tracking chance for rain and steady rain at that as moisture from tropical storm nate heads our way. i'll tell you when it gets here. >> and also, kate with tvrments ori heads it a local seafood restaurant that has fans hooked. >> and the one dish people can't stop talking about. >> and will the said time be the charm? bone squovy gets nomination for rock and roll hall of fame and of courser when eye wiz news
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>> cam newton is apologize being after coming under fire from a comment he made to a female news. >> my word choice was screaming degrading and disrespectful. >> carolinas quarterback cam newton took to twitter thursday night to apologize for the first game interview everybody is faulking about. >> it was i have dismissive body ladies and gentlemen. >> it was not needd a day earlier the professional football player came under fire for reaction to a female reporter's question about rounds a path or pattern used
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to receive a pass. >> it's funny to har a female talk about routes. >> i have females that know better than me. >> the reporter fired back on twitter saying i don't think it's funny to be a female and talk about routes i think it's my job. >> she put him in his place good former eagle mi. vp said she deserves a proper apology. >> you were wrong and everyone knows you were wrong and the panthers know you were wrong and aapology not twitter a face to face apology is what is needed. >> that may be in the works. >> for now the fallout continues with danon yogurt pulling his endorsement deal something the folks we spoke to support. >> if a company wants to remove an endorse. >> if a company is sponsoring someone like that they should reflect the value the condition stands tore sdm
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newton is not the only one apologizing, reporter is now apologizing for racially insensitive tweets she sent out on her account 4 1/2 years ago. a lot of people reacting to that. she's apologizing and he's apologizing it's taking on a whole different story. >> more to come and eagles play one week from tonight. that means cbs 1 going on the road as well. heading to khar are let with don bell and nurse every next thursday night. >> bone john jovy has a shot at music immortally. they were nominated for the rock and roll hall of fame. radio hit, raging against the machine, l.l. school jay and nina sinone going to you. >> want to try that again? it is late.
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>> it's 12:11 -- 12:12 like traveling through a new england seaport. vittoria woodill shows us inspiration behind bait and switch and here's tonight's taste with tori. >> kailing all land lovers get ready to get hooked [ fog horn ] this is bait and switch small seafood shop and bar in port richmond where many die and then come back. >> it's gu feel like you're on a bolt. >> that's the seabreeze. >> the story behind bait and switch is kind of like the fibberman sale of the fish, this gig. >> we wanted to exaggerate. >> and be a little crazy. >> joe beckham has been in the restaurant business 2 years and he's bring highly high that should be fun good we're satisfying basic urgence of
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food and drink there's no reason to take it all seriously that times. >> we have captain from the -- we have captain kirk and we have no idea who the cap taps are. >> off their menu it's hard to pick something when you start with fresh, shuked oysters. >> it's the best when they're so cold. >> and their dry rubbed wings. >> ah, one of the crispest i ever had, it is phenomenal. >> i hear there's one item that will have you slobing your plate clean. >> i'm surprised you have not picked it up and licked it kline. >> moment you guys do that i'll do that. >> the bait bucket bucket of fries leaded with tried cheese kurds and made it more with homemade clown shoulder. >> holy cheese kurds. >> holy clam shoulder. >> oh, my god i don't know
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what to say after that. >> did she make it? did she make it. >> wow. tori. >> love it i'm always so hungry and i go home and snack at midnight. >> it's late. >> too late, maybe breakfast. >> that would be good. >> we'll wake unto it tomorrow. >> we'll wake up to fog tomorrow morning and also another warm day. it feels like return to summer out there. and it's just going to keep ongoing as we head to the weekend we're talking temperatures headed back to mid 80s for at least one day 15 degrees above average for start of weekend. let's start off what is happening now live top from the rooftop camera at cbs broadcast center it's a quiet night, clear skies now that the showers moved out. there's a few showers on the radar picture on storm scan 3 i'll show you here and there this evening. as we go through the overnight hours those fizzle and can't rule one out tomorrow.
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again shelling those showers and popping up and still a couple over pours of maryland we have to look for over the next couple hours and this batch here could bruk us a stray one tomorrow. couple showers here and there off norm. you can see a little sprinkle near allentown and maybe one down in delaware. but, again, these are just the kind of shower that come through and you have to flick the windshield wipers once or twice and it's out of the way. temps now warm on southwest wind. temperatures happening around 70 degree mark far cry when last race. 71 billville and 66 in reading andal heen up to 68. the next couple days it warms up. on saturday that same front that stalled over our region right now lyfts back to the north as a warm nront the sent he of low is here and we have a cold front that is slowly sloinging away.
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it's tiled and snugy with the rest nearby and spotty showers tonight and into tomorrow. so, again, notice about a.m. we still chance for few showers here and there and tomorrow you wake up to cloud clouds. a stray shower in the afternoon and then this all start to lift north as we head into saturday. saturday, clouds in the morning and little more sunshine around in the afternoon. and it's warm and it's steamy. but then we shift our attention to the gulf of mexico and this storm. this is tropical storm nate could make landfall along the gulf coast as category one hurricane and remnant low you're pulled until it them monday. we have not seep much rainfall since september 16 we had two" of rain and have not seen much since then. science lateed shower tonight. eagles game looks look a was washout, there will be showers around and dodging raindrops if you heed out to the linc for that game and monday we'll see rain throughout day with
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moisture lingering what could become hurricane nate lingering showers tuesday and timely cool are by end of next week. >> come on mall. >> find out. >> good one fool. >> what a skp. >> eagles prepare for future hall of famer and great news for process why sixers fans shoulding filing tonight but the living room's pretty blank. it's really nice when clients come in and have done some of their own research. working with a bassett designer was really easy. just kind of ties in very well. we love it!
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people would stare. psoriasis does that. just kind of ties in very well. it was tough getting out there on stage. i wanted to be clear. i wanted it to last. so i kept on fighting. i found something that worked. and keeps on working. now? they see me. see me. see if cosentyx could make a difference for you- cosentyx is proven to help people with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis... ...find clear skin that can last. don't use if you're allergic to cosentyx. before starting cosentyx, you should be checked for tuberculosis. an increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms. or if you have received a vaccine or plan to.
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if you have inflammatory bowel disease, tell your doctor if symptoms develop or worsen. serious allergic reactions may occur. never give up. see me. see me. clear skin can last. don't hold back... ...ask your dermatologist if cosentyx can help you find clear skin that lasts. it's been on the decline with the closing of the refineries and there's no jobs in the community. if there's no jobs, there's no education, there's no food on the table. what's important is the children. steve sweeney... he fought for 'em. this is where he's from. steve sweeney's been here since the beginning. steve spearheaded the whole project and really brought it to fruition. it would've never been done without steve. it was a pride in building this port and then knowing that we're coming back.
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even he makes me laugh. flyers wasting no time after opening with a win in san jos jose. tonight wake one the kings in la. i wish you could listen more on break. >> team of the year. as they copatar rejected nice there. save it a year.
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i'll set it after two games that's why we're at now, it's true. >> in the second period. we go the things and trevor louis witness 1-0 and that's why question stand right now. >> 1-0 score third period. just about to get underway. >> great news for the process. for the first time since the spring, joel embib taking part in a 5 on 5 krimage and he had knee surgery to repair a torn men is kas injured in march. so far companying is not an issue. >> we get by together like walk -- that's why we get paid for and i want to get back out there and do the best i can. >> today we could have no sort of half court restrictions and play basketball with was excellent. it was dpraet for my friend
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and group and it's first we've about able to do that with that. >> nobody is papier that brett brown. homecoming. >> home combing nate of redic returns with the arizona cardinal in april. he was 13 pick in first roud and still looking for first career stack. eagles try to keep him offer the board and also try to contain wide-out larry fitzgerald who is 44 years old and coming up off back-to-back 100 catch companies. >> anybody question if he'll be a hall of famer and he has to know that and still doing the small things the humble thichingz blocking and not only dvs but line backers and dms and he does that willie and sglel history for jose altobe of the astros. he's only 5' 6 owe do you like that for houston and game one
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alastros playing the red sox. >> little liing team from our eighty-five hundred dollars?!? vanstone auctions? sold for eight thousand five hundred "unicorn in rouge." congratulations, sir. when you need help fast, call us with td asap on the td bank app and skip to the front of the line. hi alex, i have your account pulled up. how can i help? oh, uh... great. are you seeing this charge from an auction house? that doesn't look right. i'll take care of that. oh good. thank you. because when you need help, you need it asap. cbs presented by target.... urban agriculture and community greening are helping cities become more sustainable for the future. and that's why target has partnered with the nonprofit greensgrow in philadelphia. the novel idea was... can we put a farm in the heart of the city and really put food directly accessible
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to the people that were eating it. i think it's very important for us to come outside of target and really be inside of peoples' communities, as well. cbs eye on the community is sponsored by target. he's a double-dipping mepension padder.y.
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double-dipping pension padder! he had two government jobs, two paychecks and padded his pension along the way. he's a double-dipping pension padder! now he's making over $300,000 a year as a lobbyist and a senator. double-dipping pension padder! so he's all set - thanks to you, the taxpayer. which is why steve sweeney had no problem voting to raise your taxes 145 times, including the largest gas tax hike in history. sounds about right, coming from a.... double-dipping pension padder! cbs3 and coleman philadelphia teaming up once again in fight against breast cancer it upping the roolingon pitching. you're looking at 777 south broad street fist shipping pink tonight and done the street the south star are also
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all decked out in ping and october is national breast cancer awareness month and pink light are remind to schedule a mammogram and stay vigilant in the fight against breast cancer this is 16th year for lights of the cure campaign. >> philadelphia little legal team getting a boost from a generous fan. >> bob brady presented a $2,000 check for the monarc monarchies football team. eyewitness news at grana han recreation center. he said it's if a team suppor supporter who wanted to remain amonday us in and they have won numerous championships over the years. okay? >> kate. >> ever closer to the weekend. unfortunately not a lotle of coulding expected for the weekend. the heat is on. our current hot stretch will peak on saturday temperatures mid 80s and summertime humidity to boot. couple spotty showers possible this weekend and most likely sunday keep nat mind if you
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head to the eagles game we have steadie after 8 years of chris christie,
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is kim guadagno the change new jersey really needs? guadagno is christie's hand-picked successor. says she's "proud to be part of the christie administration." guadagno was chris christie's right hand as our schools came under attack, critical services were underfunded, and our credit rating was downgraded...11 times. from the bridge to the beach, we've seen it all, and we've had enough. kim guadagno isn't the change we need.
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kim guadagno isn't thanks for staying up late with us the morning team is back at 4:0 for don, jessica, i'm ukee washington. >> i'm nicole brewer. the stephen colbert show he is next. >> have a good night and sleep
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next. >> have a good night and sleep well. >> according to reports, secretary of state rex tillerson, treasury secretary steven mnuchin and defense secretary james mattis have formed a "suicide pact" where if one resigns, they all do. ( elevator music ) >> that moron is out of control but he can't touch us now that we've formed a suicide pafnlgt with me mattis? >> hooah! w about you mnuchin. yeah. hoorah. how far does it go? >> suicide pact. to the unemployment line? what's your problem? it's a suicide pact. >> it's very severe. how about we call it bettsys for life? >> it's a suicide pact and to show our commitment let's brick our fingers on one of mattis'
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medals and mix our blood. hoorah! grab 'em, mad dog! >> i'm feeling faint! stop struggling! >> announcer: it's the "late show" with stephen colbert. tonight rex tillerson and the suicide pact. plus -- tonight, stephen welcomes: morgan freeman and, grace gummer featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: i didn't mean to do that. hey! ( cheers and applause ) how are ya? good to see ya!
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hey jon! ( cheers and applause ) ( audience chanting stephen ) >> jon: heyaaaah! whoo! >> stephen: thanks, everybody. please have a seat. ( cheers and applause ) that's an incredible thursday crowd right there. that's the kind of crowd i want on friday. might as well stick around for the second show on friday, i'd like that. welcome to the "late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) i'm glad you guys are feeling cheerful tonight because, guys, i am worried. i am so worried about secretary of state and football coach being forced to teach sex ed, rex tillerson. ( laughter ) yesterday, nbc reported tillerson was on the verge of resigning his position this summer and had openly disparaged
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president trump, referring to him as a "moron." ( cheers and applause ) that's usually something you say right before you quit. ( laughter ) "hey, can i have five minutes of your time? you moron." ( laughter ) now, tillerson's spokesperson vehemently denied he ever said it. >> he doesn't use that language to speak about anyone. >> how do you know he didn't use that language? >> because i take the secretary at his word. >> stephen: she takes him at his word. and what was his word again? >> can you address the main headline of this story, that you called the president a moron? and if not, where do you think these reports are-- >> i'm not going to deal with petty stuff like that. >> stephen: yeah, his word was moron. ( laughter ) he vehemently would rather not answer that question. but, at that same press conference, he categorically denied he ever considered
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resigning and talked about his commitment to his job. >> when i wake up in the morning, my first thoughts are about the safety of our citizens at home and abroad. >> stephen: "then, i walk to the bathroom, look in the mirror and say, 'hey, there's the guy who works for a moron'." ( laughter ) ( applause ) i should shave him. he's look ago little -- ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hey, now! >> stephen: apparently this story stuck in trump's craw because, this morning, he tweeted, "rex tillerson never threatened to resign. this is fake news put out by @nbcnews. low news and reporting standards. no verification from me." ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> jon: whoa! >> stephen: "and as you know nothing's true without verification from me. obama's birth certificate? totally fake till i said it wasn't.
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last year's election? totally rigged till i won. but what do i know? i'm a verified moron." ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) and administration officials are confident that tillerson will stay because, apparently, there's an agreement between defense secretary james mattis, treasury secretary steven mnuchin and tillerson, whereby all three cabinet secretaries vow to leave in the event that the president makes moves against one of them. and trump is known for making moves. rex, if the president offers to take you furniture shopping, get out of there. ( laughter ) just get out of there! and take your cat with you! ( cheers and applause ) because he's grabin' it! ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) media reports have referred to the agreement as a "suicide pact." that's when you know things are going great in a workplace, when people starting forming
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suicide pacts. they've also agreed that if none of them are with someone by the time they're 70, they'll marry each other. ( laughter ) suicide pacts! meanwhile, on capital hill, it looks like congress might finally do something about gun control. yesterday, congressional republicans signaled that they would be open to banning gun conversion kits called "bump stocks," which takes advantage of a semiautomatic gun's natural recoil, allowing it to bounce back and forth off a shooter's trigger finger and unleash up to 100 rounds in seven seconds. it's great for hunting-- if you've got seven seconds to kill every animal in the forest. ( laughter ) it's a different bambi. right now, these devices are totally legal because, according to the bureau of alcohol, tobacco, and firearms, a bump stock "is a firearm part and, therefore, is not regulated as a firearm." yes, it's not a gun, it's just a part of a gun. like when your parents find your
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bong and you tell them, "hey, there's no weed in there now. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: whoa! whoa! ( piano riff ) >> stephen: so, technically, that is a vase. ( laughter ) if you'll excuse me, i have some pink floyd to listen to. may i please have my vase back?" ( laughter ) based on a true story, actually. ( laughter ) my mom didn't know. she didn't know. right now, banning bump stocks seems to have bipartisan support, the n.r.a. even says they should be regulated. unfortunately, there are people who are unwilling to even discuss this proposal. like the executive director of gun owners of america, who said, "realistically, they are already on the market, so passing a law banning them isn't going to stop bad guys." same reason crystal meth should be legal-- it's already on the market, and passing a law isn't going to stop me from fighting you with a sharpened toothbrush. spiders! spiders! ( laughter )
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( applause ) ( piano riff ) ( screaming ) ( applause ) ( piano riff ) ( cheers and applause ) ( jon laughing ) >> stephen: also based on a true story. ( laughter ) of course, it's football season! that's not a political story. a time to cozy up in front of the tube with a steaming mug of queso! mmm, refreshing. ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) and it's shaping up to be a dramatic season for the ol' pigskin kick and toss. but there's some controversy. the latest comes from this press conference with carolina quarterback cam newton. >> devin funchess has seemed to really embrace the physicality of his routes and
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making--getting those extra yards. does that give you a little bit of enjoyment to see him kind of truck sticking people out there? >> it's funny to hear a female talk about routes. like -- it's funny. >> stephen: wow. ( audience reacts ) wow. it's funny to hear a female talk about routes? could he be more patronizing and insulting? that a woman wouldn't know about routes and truck sticking. and quick follow-up -- what are those things? ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) because i really feel like i should know that now. could you have her call me and tell me? and this has hurt newton. today, we learned that his sponsor, dannon, has dropped him as a spokesman. too bad. it was funny to see a male talk about yogurt. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) we've got a great show for you tonight. morgan freeman is here! but when we return, the finale of our puberme challenge!
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: give it up for jon batiste and "stay human," everybody! trying to there is the band! ( cheers and applause ) hey, jon, happy thursday! >> jon: happy thursday! >> stephen: only one more day to the friday. hang in there, buddy. >> jon: yeah, mm-hmm. >> stephen: you know, guys, puerto rico is going to be rebuilding from hurricane maria for months, if not years. and we wanted to do something to help. luckily, i'm best known as a ben -- as an ice cream model. i got this here the ben &
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jerry's americone dream. there you go. i put all the money i make from my ice cream in the americone dream fund, and every year, we give it to charity. so with the help of my friend nick kroll, we launched a twitter campaign encouraging celebrities to post photos of themselves during their awkward teen years, with the hashtags "puberme" and "puerto rico relief." the americone dream fund is giving $1,000 for every celebrity -- i decide what a celebrity is -- ( laughter ) -- to the one america appeal. and for the last week, we've been showing you some of the best submissions. i like to start with my confession of a 13-year-old photo there. the hormones have kicked in but so far the only thing that's grown is the knot on my tie right there. ( laughter ) who else have we got here?
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we've gotten some good ones recently. here is -- see if you can see who this person is. that is seth rogen right there proving that marijuana apparently makes you stop aging at 15. oh, this is a lovely one. i like to get the black and white ones here. this one right here -- i can't figure out who this guy is. that is young henry winkler, fonzie from happy days, apparently he went to his dance with his date a railing. this is jim. this is a picture of young martin short. everything about this photo says "i'm preparing myself for a career in comedy." ( laughter ) this one is -- i love this. can you figure out who that is?
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that's kristen bell right there. isn't that amazing? she's caught playing as a spinster aunt at the company christmas party there. ( laughter ) this is our friend from over at cnn. this is jake tapper right there, cnn anchor jake tapper. breaking news -- i know a girl. ( laughter ) so we have received so many of these and, as i promised, we're giving a thousand dollars for every celebrity photo. i am pleased to say the count is in and we have a grand total of $233,000 for puerto rico relief! but wait! there's more! please welcome, live via telephone from argentina, the star of netflix's "big mouth," nick kroll! nick, are you there? ( cheers and applause )
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>> yes! >> stephen: i hear you've got an announcement to make, nick. >> that's right, stephen. i wanted to get in on the action, so i pulled some strings, and i'm happy to announce that i will be adding another $100,000 for puerto rico relief. >> stephen: $100,000? that is fantastic! ( cheers and applause ) that brings our new total to $333,000! ( cheers and applause ) nick, that's wonderful. that's very kind of you, nick. where did you get $100,000? >> well, did you know that, on the dark web, people will pay $150,000 for a healthy liver? >> stephen: so... ? >> so, mine wasn't that healthy. ( laughter ) so, instead, this money is coming from me and everyone who worked on my show "big mouth" on netflix. >> stephen: it's incredibly generous, nick. thank you. thank you to you and everybody who is working on that show! ( cheers and applause ) here's the thing, nick --
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and you know who else is feeling generous? the good people here at cbs! we told leslie moonves that we were doing this, and he wanted to help. so they dug around in the "big bang theory's" couch cushions a little, and i'm happy to announce that they are going to match what we've raised, dollar-for-dollar! so our new grand total for puerto rico relief is $666,000! ( cheers and applause ) >> the devil's donation! >> stephen: i'm sorry, they were clapping, nick. what did you say? >> i said that's the devil's donation. >> stephen: yes. if the devil were nice, that's how much he would give. but you know what? turns out that celebrities aren't the only people who have awkward puberty photos. and, over the past week, social media was flooded with gangly pre-teen photos from people trying to help raise awareness for puerto rico relief.
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there were over 75,000 tweets with the hashtag #puberme. and i think that deserves something, too. so, on behalf of everybody who participated, the americone dream fund is going to make a second donation. another $266,000. yep. did you hear that, nick? did you hear me, nick? another $266,000. >> i did. you're double-donating? >> stephen: yes. all right, then so are we. we're donating another $67,000, okay? >> stephen: another $67,000? how did you get another $67,000? >> i sold a kidney, stephen. ( laughter ) >> stephen: you're a good man. that brings our grand total to $999,000! ( cheers and applause )
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yeah. >> fantastic! still, it's a shame that we didn't make it to a million. >> stephen: i know, nick, but what can we do? if only we had one more awkward celebrity puberty photo. but we just don't. ( cheers and applause ) >> wait a minute, stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: ladies and gentlemen, lin-manuel miranda, creator and star of the smash broadway musical "hamilton?" ( cheers and applause ) please, please! >> i heard you needed an awkward picture and i think i might be able to help. >> stephen: lin-manuel, i know
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you are here to help. are you also here to promote something? >> of course! ( laughter ) i'm here to promote my new song. it's called "almost like praying," and it's got jennifer lopez, marc anthony, gloria estefan, fat joe, and a bunch of other amazing musicians. any latino person you like is on this song. ( laughter ) it dropped at midnight, and it all goes towards helping puerto rico rebuild. >> stephen: incredible. ( cheers and applause ) it's available on itunes, spotify and title. i'm glad you're promoting the song, everybody should get it to help the people for puerto rico. you know, nick and i were actually just in the middle of raising money for puerto rico as well. we're just $1,000 shy of a million dollars. you don't happen to have an awkward puberty photo, do you? >> i'm afraid not. i'm afraid i looked really good. is that awwww -- >> but i do have an awkward puberty video. roll it, jim!


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