tv Lockup Raw MSNBC April 16, 2016 7:00pm-8:01pm PDT
correction center. >> this is how it go in the county joint. >> ain't no talking. >> like virtually all jails, most of the inmates here are only accused of crimes and are awaiting trial of the resolution of their cases. women make up about 12% of the total inmate population of 1800. and though they are a minority, they still make their presence known. >> one of the surprising things we find out visiting various jails across the country is that the staff tell us that the male inmates are easier to manage than the female inmates. women like to socialize more. >> we're not nasty. >> we are not nasty bitches. >> it's a chance for them to bond, make life easier to do their time and so on. >> everybody like when these ho's say something. >> but soon there's a turn that takes place. that socializing leads to bickering. >> you looking at me? >> that leads to a lot of drama for the staff. >> [ bleep ].
>> what you say, bitch? >> during our shoot in cleveland we discovered that inmate cynthia irasari was certainly well known in her housing unit. but she acknowledges that being well known doesn't necessarily mean popular. >> i don't associate with a lot of people. i'm not a likeable person. you either like me or don't and stay away from me because i will [ bleep ] you up. >> her biggest problem is she wants to stay in everybody else's business and it causes problems. >> irasari plays a role that inmates call the pod boss. >> you know, everybody respects her to the fullest. they never talk behind her back. i mean, it's just like they're kind of scared of her. they don't want to say nothing about her. if cynthia hears something about her, i think she's really going to hurt somebody. that's why i try to respect her for the fullest. like since yeah you know, what i ain't got no problems with you, i never want no problems with you. >> she was tough and people responded to that accordingly.
she had a really rough background and she had a history of fights and violence on the streets and that transcended into the jail. you just sort of respect someone like that because you don't want to fall on the other end of it. >> irasari was charged with two counts of assault and intimidating a witness stemming from a bar fight. she pled not guilty and was awaiting trial. 30 years old when we met her, she had been in trouble with the law since age 15. her prior criminal convictions included assault, drug trafficking d theft. she was out on probation at the time of her latest arrest. >> i started traveling, selling drugs, philly, new york, connecticut, making $30,000 a week or more. >> what kind of drugs? >> heroin. >> irasari says she has applied some of her street skills for turning a profit to turning one in jail. though the margins are considerably lower. >> a week i will make at least, like i'd say $30, and for $30 in
the county jail weekly, it's a lot of money. >> since inmates are not allowed to have cash in jail, money is represented by snacks and other items purchased from the commissary. irasari had amassed a significant supply. she used it to acquire even more. >> for example, if i give you one stuff, then you got to pay me two stuff. if i give you chocolate, you got to give me two. some girls, they be lying, so they leave here. so they go to another pod. and they think they get away with it. but i have connections in here. i have my peoples to get the girl that they didn't pay me. so they know, i don't play with that. >> irasari says whether it's commissary in jail or drugs on the street, she has no tolerance for people owing her money. >> my first charge was kidnapping. this lady, i gave her some dope. she didn't want to pay me back, so i locked here in a room like four days. i made her suffer until she pays me.
>> when she described her criminal life, she really spoke more of it in terms of being a gangster, kind of like throwback. one of the books i saw in her cell was "the godfather." >> do you relate to the godfather? >> a lot. i love the godfather. i could read this book 50,000 times and won't get tired of it. i would never compare me that big. but everybody that was around me that was like that you know. >> she openly admits to gang involvement on the outside. and like the mafia family she says she idolizes, she places a high value on loyalty. >> i will kill for my family. i will kill in a heartbeat. i will take my life if you mess with my peoples. we don't call it a gang. that sounds [ bleep ] stupid. but it's going to be like a family. we're family. you mess with one of us, you're going to mess with the whole family. simple as that. >> during the course of our shoot, irasari discovered her supply of commissary goods had
been compromised. she wasn't sure who took them but suspected alyssa catrel of being a recipient of the stolen goods. >> catrel denied the allegations. >> so of course cynthia, who is like a pod boss up there, she decided to put her two cents into it and make her comments. and it causes a bigger disruption in the pod. >> irasari and catrel agreed to discuss the issue in order to avoid a physical conflict off-camera. >> i said you steal from me, i'm going to whoop your ass. >> exactly. yesterday her bunky came into her room and -- i guess she stoled off of her, whatever. and she -- i guess she tried to pin it on me. >> well, talk. i'm not going to hit you. you know if i was going to hit you i'd hit you already. >> i think the corporal decided to get involved when she heard cynthia reference any kind of violent reaction. cynthia had a reputation of acting out on any kind of
slight. >> okay. understand this. it's not an option. you're being reclassed, you're being reclassed period. it's a done deal. go pack your stuff because you're being reclassed. no ifs, ands, how do you dos about it. just go. >> i just said -- >> i said there's nothing to be talking about. >> just her -- >> there's nothing to say. >> both women will be transferred to new housing units. not only to keep them separate but to avoid any secondary conflicts among their allies in the unit. neither is happy about the move. >> i don't care what i done out there. i don't deserve to be treated like this. >> she didn't want to get her ass beat. i can't [ bleep ] fight because my case is still open. i just want to go out there and beat the [ bleep ] out of her. i don't give a [ bleep ] if they're watching me right now, the judges, whatever the [ bleep ]. >> cynthia has anger issues. she's been here since i've been here. if you speak to her with respect, she normally responds
the same way. when she gets angry, she gets angry. that sums it up with her. >> a short time later, irasari seemed to accept the move. >> you were too comfortable in the pod, you became a pod boss. and every time there's an issue in there, you're running with it. i can't have that. okay? >> yes, ma'am. >> okay. >> i respect her decision. i'm trying to stay out of trouble because i'm trying to go home. i'm not trying to be here. she's my boss. i'm in here. what can i say. i'm not trying to run nobody. i guess i just have a strong personality. and a lot of girls don't like it. but hey, it is what it is. >> we're going to be nice in here? >> i guess so. >> okay. >> i don't have no enemies in here. >> though she seems calmer, officers don't let their guard down. >> she uses her wits like any other person that lives the criminal life.
it's the skills that they learn, the survival skills. and she can work her charm. >> it don't matter where they put me at, i'm still going to be the same person. but it's better for me because honestly i needed this. i needed a break. coming up -- >> i already looked back, my record is horrible. and if i take it to trial they're going to eat me alive. >> cynthia's trial approaches but first -- >> these are my cats. my hair. i shaved my head in here, they call it my cats. >> a san antonio inmate uses humor to cope with jail, until she hits down for an interview. (burke) at farmers, we've seen almost everything,
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involved in the process. >> put this for the big camera right here, that's what this is for. >> it can be daunting trying to find inmates for the show sometimes when you first start shooting. you go into these jails or prisons and there's thousands of inmates. and you have to try to select the ones who will be on the show. at first it's kind of overwhelming. but you start talking to people and you start really finding the people that will probably be good for the show. >> during our shoot in one of the female units at the jail in san antonio, desiree stalbird stood out from the rest of the women. >> i was scanning the unit and noticed desiree. she was holding a sign say "free me." >> free me, of course. me and my signs. >> finding the inmate that's the comedian is oftentimes good for the show. they're very outgoing. they draw a lot of the inmates around them and participate and joke around. she had mentioned having pets. every now and then you'll see
somebody who adopts a mouse or some insect of some kind and they call it their pet. in this case, it wasn't a mouse or an insect. >> these are my cats. they're just like my hair. i shave my head in here so they call it my cats. >> the thought of her balling up these little hairballs out of her hair she found in the drain, it was -- it was quite repulsive. >> what do you plan on doing with them? >> taking them home and putting them in a little aquarium. >> it's gross. >> as long as she keeps them locked -- >> they're all contained. it's not like they're bothering anybody. >> sometimes it takes what it takes to get through every day. >> my weirdness. >> she keeps us going in here. she's our entertainment. >> i'm like the clown of the pod. i keep them in high spirits and they all love me, right, girls? okay, okay, yeah. oh, my god. >> stalbird was serving 90 days for probation violation on convictions for forgery and possession with intent to distribute methamphetamine.
but she said she distributes something else through her business on the outside. >> i have a 24-hour adult novelty delivery service. it's called dungeons and dragqueens. any lube or stuff you need, hit me up. >> but now she was about to try something new. >> i'm going to escape from my unit and go to a baptism, hopefully get dunked in the water, have a wet t-shirt contest, praise jesus. you know? yeah. that kind of thing. i'm just doing -- i'm not really a bible thumper. i believe in god. i'm actually doing it to get out of the unit. it's that boring in here. yeah, uh-huh. >> she was talking about the baptism as if it was something to kill time, something fun to do. and then there was a moment where she really stopped and realized what she was doing and then she began to get emotional. >> stalbird says the recent death of a good friend caused her to re-evaluate her life. >> i just had a moment where --
a moment of clarity, i guess. >> what happened? >> confusion, anger, hostility. a lot of frustration, a lot of helplessness and hopelessness and feeling lost within myself. and i act like a fool when i act like an idiot around here just to cover up who i really am. i'm very, very hurt. i'm ashamed of myself. i'm hoping that the door i'm knocking on opens up to where i can really understand what it's all about. >> with her baptism several hours away, we took stalbird to a more private setting to discuss some of the events that set her life on its current course. she says it began with a traumatic experience at age 5. stalbird's stepfather shot her mother in the leg. police were called to the home but her stepfather ended the conflict on his own terms. >> s.w.a.t. team came out
because he was holding them at bay. and -- he committed suicide in front of me and my sister. he shot himself in the mouth. i actually remember picking off brain fragments and i remember the smell of blood. that's the first actual vivid memory as a child that i have. >> sometimes when inmates tell our crews stories from their past, we can't always immediately confirm that every detail is true or accurate. in desiree's case we did a little research later and found some newspaper articles from 1979, and they did confirm that her stepfather did shoot her mother in the leg and killed himself shortly after police were called. but according to those newspaper articles, he had actually gone out into a field. there was no mention that he did any of this in front of his children. but we just can't know that for certain. >> now 37 years old, stalbird says her 20-year-long battle with drugs has put her in a
revolving-door relationship with the jail. seeing old friends here, now on the other side of the law, have been reminders of how far off-track her life had gotten. >> i went to school with a couple of the guards here. we spent a lot of our childhood together. >> when i first saw desiree in jail i was kind of like -- like wow, what are you doing in here? >> what happened to you? i remember when you were a little girl, i remember this -- this, this and this. >> we grew up together, lived in the same neighborhood for a long time. >> we went our separate ways. she chose to work here and i chose to live the life of a criminal. >> she feels bad for what she's done. you know? she looks embarrassed most of the time. >> even though i'm wearing this uniform and she's wearing that one, she still doesn't treat me any different. she told me something out there does get better. it doesn't have to be this way, stalbird, it doesn't have to be this way. >> coming up --
>> this is a major mark in her life, cementing into her spirit and her mind that she has vernaled her whole self to god. >> desirery stalbird's baptism. and -- >> once i got the money in my hand i wanted to do another one and another one and another one. >> another inmate once made a lucrative living but now it's sending her to prison. ming? a very dangerous cheese storm. so you have 20 more bags. mhm. my yoga instructor calls it the death spiral. i call it living the dream. american express presents the blue cash everyday card with no annual fee. cash back on purchases. see you tomorrow. backed by the service and security of american express. as long as you love me, it's alright bend me shape me, any way you want me...
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when shooting "lockup" you see multiple sides of many inmates. and you know, often people use comedy and jokes as a defense mechanism. but really deep down inside they really want to get something off their chests. they have issues just like everyone else. >> such was the case with desiree stalbird, an inmate we met at san antonio's bear county jail. drugs led her to a variety of crimes.
and frequent stays. >> my meth addiction is what got my kids taken away. i love the feel of making dope. i love selling drugs. it's like -- when i cook a batch, make a batch of dope, to me, it gives me -- like when a person has a baby for the first time, the feeling's like, wow. i created that. i miss it. i miss the smell. but i also miss the smell of my kids. i have twin boys. they were taken when they were 4 months old. i used to sit on the corner with binoculars and watch them play in the front yard. because i [ bleep ] up. >> shortly after the interview, stalbird regained her composure, picked up her pass and made her
way to the jail chapel for the baptism, an event that just a short time before -- >> hopefully get dunked in the water, have a wet t-shirt contest, praise jesus. >> -- she had seen as merely a way to break up the boredom of jail life. >> desiree stalbird, awesome, desiree. >> looking at desiree, we could actually see that she was engaged and she was really into what she was doing. wasn't like she was there joking around. she was taking it serious and you could tell it actually meant something to her. >> this is a major mark in her life cementing into her spirit and her mind that she has surrendered her whole self to god. we're going to baptize desiree in the name of god the father, jesus the son and the holy spirit. and then we just raise to walk in a newness of life. you're not going to dart out of here. you're going to sit there and
let it sink in what has just happened to you. desiree has a real feeling for the spirit of god. the things we're talked about here, i've picked it up right there. >> when i was crying, i felt like a peace come over me. one of the few times that i felt peaceful really in my entire life. >> you're not going to walk in your strength. you're going to walk in his strength. >> i felt like something in me was released, i guess. i've never given myself 100% into anything positive. i know what's waiting for me on the other side of these walls. i know that i'm going to stumble when i'm out there. i'm going to try to stay sober is what i'm going to try to do. >> seeking change through religion is common among inmates. >> are you going to church? >> most jails host a steady stream of local church volunteers willing to help. >> i like these ladies for real. >> just like the ones we met in
tulsa, oklahoma. >> we are light walker ministries from collinsville and there's a revival going on. welcome, ladies. how are y'all? >> good! >> good to see you. >> we're coming in to show them a better way of life. >> what they've been doing is not working. so we're trying to give them an opportunity to go into something different that will get them back with their families and give them an opportunity to do better. father, we thank you and praise you for healing of their bodies, their minds, their emotions, lord. we just ask for open ears and open hearts tonight. >> one of the inmates attending this service is tara goddard. >> that's pretty much the only peace of mind i have in here is when i go to church. ♪ >> while goddard might have been seeking a spiritual outlet, she wasn't out to change the lifestyle that was about to send her to state prison to serve a four-year sentence. the technical term for her crime
was illegal use of a computer. she was a prostitute who advertised her services online. >> i'm not a nympho, i'm not into it for the sex and all that stuff. it's empowering to me because -- it's empowering. i find it exciting, you know. i mean, i'm not saying i can't wait to get back to it, but i mean, i can say that, kind of, you know? >> the thing about tara was that she really loved her work. but tulsa is actually called the buckle of the bible belt where fundamentalism is everything. so for tara to pursue a relationship with god while maintaining this love of prostitution seemed particularly challenging. >> remember, you need to be studying up on the holy spirit. >> turning tricks, i think the excitement, i mean, everything. i'm like an adrenaline junkie. i don't want to quit, no.
coming up -- >> that's $2.5 million you've made in your career. >> tara goddard shares the highs and lows of her life as a prostitute. >> i've had to tuck and roll tons of times. you know, where you've got to jump out of the car. ♪ the intelligent, all-new audi a4 is here. ♪ ♪ ain't got time to make no apologies...♪
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breaking news this hour. at least 28 people are dead and a state of emergency just declared in ecuador. this after a 7.8 magnitude earthquake rattled the southern coast of ecuador. it could be felt 100 miles away, the amount of injuries are unknown. homes have collapsed but no exact total from officials who are surveying damage. and people also being told to avoid bridges due to cracks there. the president of ecuador tweeted within the hour urging residents to stay calm amid reports of tsunami warnings.
we'll continue to watch this story with more developments here on msnbc. for now, back to regular programming. during our extended stay shoot at the tulsa county jail, we met tara goddard. she was about to serve four years in prison for a crime that often results in little more than a few nights in jail. >> there ain't much to do up here. >> nothing at all. >> but read, comb out some hair, eat. >> argue. >> argue. >> though the technical term for her crime was illegal use of a computer, goddard's conviction resulted from her career as an online prostitute. prior convictions for prostitution and drugs contributed to the length of her sentence. >> i have probably been in this jail about ten times but this is the second time i've been in orange. i always just get bailed out.
>> goddard's last customer was an undercover cop. she had never served time in prison and was awaiting transfer there when we met her. >> girls in the here will joke around, you know, be like, you'll be somebody's bitch or something. which i'm a little nervous. because i can fight, i can defend myself. but you know. i'm a little nervous. >> goddard says watching "lockup" has helped prepare her for what's ahead. >> i watch "lockup" all the time whenever it's on. you know? i do. really. i watch it all the time. but it usually comes on the weekends. >> what, between tricks you watch "lockup"? >> no. when i'm watching i'm done working. yeah. i'm not working at that time. i was raised great. my dad always worked, my mom stayed at home. just a normal upbringing. perfect christmases, presents galore. i talked to my mom today and she said my grandpa is doing good. but i just -- i don't know. maybe that's why i like the life so much because i've had a boring -- you know, i mean, everything was straitlaced, by
the books. >> what are you going to do when you get out? >> hm? >> you have a college degree, tara. >> i know, but i got felonies. i was 20 going to school for being a dental assistant and i graduated. but while i was there, there was a girl, she was like, you should come to the massage parlor and work because you have a good personality, you know, you're pretty, da da da. i'll be honest, i had no idea, but i just jumped right in there and just joined with her, and it just came natural. and really, once i got the money in my hand, i wanted to do another one and another one and another one. >> as goddard moved from the massage parlor to a street prostitute to an online escort, she refined her practice. >> i wouldn't get on top of a trick. that's too personal. i wouldn't kiss them. i would say at least 85% of my men are married with kids. i overexaggerate things to make them feel they're doing a good job. you're going to enjoy every once with a date, with a trick. i mean, it's going to happen.
you don't always get old, fat, bald-headed, ugly guys. you do get young, very nice-looking guys. never let them get you on the freeway. you've got to make sure you're going slow enough so you can tuck and roll. i've had to tuck and roll tons of times. you know, where you've got to jump out of the car. i feel like i've had, you know, nine lives like a cat or something. you know. all those times they had a gun or a knife to me, they could have very well kidnapped me or killed me. >> but for goddard the reward outweighed the risk. she says she worked until she made $1,000 per day. >> at least five days a week at least, six to ten day, which would be, i don't know, somebody would have to get their phone out. i have no idea. how much -- so how much is it? 12? >> 12,500. >> 12,500 would be the amount of tricks i pulled, you know, within, like i say, an eight-year career. >> and that's $2.5 million you've made in your career cash.
>> more than i've ever made. >> cash money. >> no taxes. who's got that money? >> it's probably blown. i mean, nobody's got it. >> but somebody other than goddard once had it. she says she gave it to her pimp, a man she still remains in touch with even in jail. >> you work all night, you would hand it over to a pimp? >> yeah. i don't know how to explain it. i mean, he just -- pretty much taught me everything i know. >> i just need to understand the dynamic between you and the pimp. >> companionship, i would say, the most thing i get out of it. of course i had feelings for him, i was in love with him. it gets lonely out there. i'm probably different than a lot of girls because i grew up with the silver spoon in my mouth, so money didn't matter to me, you know. but for him, you know, it just -- it meant a lot. >> we tried to find him and she was very, very secretive about his identity. she would not tell us his real name.
she was very protective of him. >> do you feel respected by him? >> yes. i mean -- of course i feel respected by him. if i didn't feel respected i wouldn't, i mean, give him my money and give him everything. because it's hard to find somebody that would accept what i do and -- i mean, not have -- i mean, it's not like i'm saying i don't want my man to have a job. but yeah, i want him to be there with me 24/7. i mean, i want him to be with me. >> goddard said her profession led to a significant sacrifice, raising her 7-year-old daughter. >> i was with my high school sweetheart, we got a divorce. we have joint custody, he's just the custodial parent. it's not like i don't have rights to her. one weekend out of each month i would come home and have the best time ever. you know, i mean -- she just knew that mommy worked out of town. i know it hurt her, me coming in and out her life like that. but still, it kills me because i feel like she thinks that i don't care about her, you know.
so -- i'm sorry. i don't like crying like this. i don't like feeling anything like this. >> why? >> because it hurts. i miss her and i just, i hope she doesn't think that i don't care about her, you know what i mean? being in here has made me really reflect on what i've done. because, i mean, it's selfish of me not to there be for her. that's why i've got to change things up. i mean, like i said, i don't want to quit doing what i'm doing, but i have to be a part of her life from now on. >> would you be okay if your daughter chose to become a prostitute? >> no. >> why? >> because i wouldn't want her to go through any of the horrible situations i've been through. >> but yet you say you will continue this life. so i don't understand that. >> like i said, i think i kind of like the adrenaline and i like the danger and i would hope she would never want to seek that like me ever. coming up -- >> she says, mom, you need to get it together. and she's only 7 years old.
>> a former pod boss gets a message from home. and -- >> and i look up to just a shower of blades, just one after the other. he used, they said, eight different knives. >> drugs led to one woman being a victim of a horrific attack and an inmate. ♪ ♪ ♪ only those who dare drive the world forward. introducing the first-ever cadillac ct6. explore your treatment options with specialists who treat only cancer. every stage... every day.... at cancer treatment centers of america. learn more at cancercenter.com/experts
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with homeowners insurance. water completely destroyed his swedish foam mattress. he got full replacement and now owns the sleep number bed. his sleep number setting is 25. call geico and see how much you could save on homeowners insurance. inside cleveland's cuyahoga county correction center, cynthia irisari rose to the rank of pod boss. when her influence turned to intimidation, staff transferred her to a new unit. >> after she transferred to her new housing unit, her whole demeanor seemed to calm down. she was not the tough cookie that she had been before that. she suddenly wanted to talk about her children.
one of her children had reached out to her and basically taken on the mother role, which is something we see happen quite a bit. >> she said, mom, you need to get it together. and she's only 7 years old. mom, you need to get it together. >> irasari had another issue to think about as well. her trial for two counts of assault and intimidating a witness is approaching. if found guilty she would face significant prison time because of her prior record. and now the often confrontational inmate seemed ready to throw in the towel. >> i go to court tomorrow so i might just take a plea. i already look bad. my record is horrible. and if i take it to trial, they're going to eat me alive. i'm not going to do that. i'm just tired. i just want to go -- if they're going to send me marysville, whatever it be wherever they're going to send me to, i just want to go and do my time. >> with the realization she was
going to be going to prison, she was just lighter in general. there wasn't all this aggressive posturing that had happened before. she was very chummy with her new cellie. she was making these little cakes. >> we get the brownie, you make it flat. this is going to be our icing. this is going to be so good. oh, and the cinnamon bun in it too. >> what do you think, do you think it's going to be like this in prison? >> better. way better. you'll have a microwave and a refrigerator. >> it was actually one of the few times i heard her talk about a future that didn't involve criminal activity or gang life. >> i'm trying to write a little book, like a cookbook, ten-minute prison recipes. i'll be making like the craziest things. spaghettis with kool-aid. it's crazy. sounds crazy but it tastes real good. then you crush it up. they call me the queen of cakes. that's our cake.
>> but she had more pressing concerns to deal with first. >> i just hope my judge gives me a second chance, gets me help. i want to go home and i just want to get my kids back in my life, you know. i haven't seen my daughter since so long. >> i didn't finish my hair. >> let me see, i want to see the hair. >> the day cynthia was going to get her sentencing, i expected her to be very anxious and uptight. i was quite surprised to find her almost cheerful, like some kind of weight had been lifted off her shoulder. >> you seem very happy. what's going on? >> i don't know. >> we would soon learn that she had a reason for seeming carefree. earlier that day she had reached a favorable plea deal. she would plead guilty to the intimidation charge and one of the assault charges. >> pursuant to your plea agreement with the state of ohio the remaining counts are hereby dismissed against you. >> thank you, your honor. >> she was sentenced to nine
months with credit for time served. >> well, i'm going to prison but because i already did half of my time in here, they credit me for that. i only got to do like 90 more days and then i'm out. on parole. >> the next morning we were with irasari when the bus to take her to prison had arrived. >> irasari. >> all right. second door on your left. >> all right. >> give me three more. >> feelings? >> it's a learning experience you know. learn from it, you know. if i ever see you guys, i'm telling you, you guys are going to see me in a positive way, not a negative way. coming up. >> how big do you want your butt to get? >> one inmate's unusual weight
goal and her nightmarish account of a vicious attack. >> i had crawled into the kitchen on top of amy's body. then i remember just spitting up teeth. don't let dust and allergies get between you and life's beautiful moments. with flonase allergy relief, they wont. most allergy pills only control one inflammatory substance. flonase controls six. and six is greater than one.
when it comes to jail food, there's a catch. portions are small and often bland. yet they can be highly caloric. and when combined with snacks purchased from the jail commissary, many inmates find their waists steadily expanding. >> to laura, weight gain was not only welcomed, it was worth charting. >> this is my chart on how fat my butt's going to get while i'm here. keeps the time going by. >> show me what you do.
>> just take my pencil and -- of course, i'm not wearing pants when i do that. >> so are you hoping that your butt gets big or what's the deal? >> well, yeah. because i came in -- when i came in i was pretty strung out on drugs. so i'm excited to gain some weight. >> how big do you want your butt to get? >> show us on the wall. >> not too much bigger. maybe -- maybe i'm going to say -- >> she was in jail on charges of possession of methamphetamines and larceny. though she pled not guilty, she admits to a life-threatening meth addiction. other drawings in her cell symbolized more heartaches. >> i'm drawing a moon and star and a girl who's kind of, i don't know, reaching for it but can't quite grasp it. she's crying. she's got a tear coming from her eye.
when my dad was in prison, he told me to look at the moon and to know that we were both looking at the same moon and that would kind of connect us. so it kind of has some meaning to it. hopefully i can leave this for someone and maybe on their sad day they can let out a tear. these walls have seen a lot of tears. >> so in effect these walls do talk? >> they definitely talk if they're not washed away. >> when i first started here four years ago i never would expect to see some phenomenal artwork you see here. you do see some good stuff. they're in county custody. they're drawing on walls. they're not supposed to do that. they know that. what are you doing? >> nothing. >> you know you're not supposed to draw on the walls, right. >> yeah. >> it's a nice picture. but can you do me one favor? >> take it off? >> put it on paper. >> okay. >> that way you can actually keep it. >> yeah, all right. >> okay. >> since drugs had landed per in jail numerous times and taken a toll on her health, those events pale in comparison to what happened six years earlier.
>> from what i've seen, meth addiction is a particularly virulent addiction. it had ruined her life on so many levels. it put her in a lifestyle that facilitated her becoming a victim of a -- just a heinous crime. it was such a severe and brutal assault that she surprisingly survived. >> the attack made local headlines. >> i can tell you detail from detail, second to second what happened. >> she was 19 years old at the time and was in the apartment she shared with her best friend when a visitor stopped by. >> he was just a friend of ours from high school. we went the parties together, you know. things like that. he smoked a joint with us. did some lines of coke with us. he looked pale. was wearing all black, he looked real pale. he said, man, i've been up for too long. and -- and something, he had been doing too much coke, said that he needed to get some sleep. out of nowhere, out of nowhere
he attacked amy first, my best friend. she was an amazing person. almost angelic. and we go down the stairs and he then puts my brother in a sleeper hold and i go to push him off my brother and go around the corner and see amy just laying on the floor dead with her eyes wide open, her big blue eyes. and i look up to a shower of blades, just one after the other. he used, i think they said, eight different knives. >> her brother suffered deep stab wounds to his hands but survived. she was left in critical condition and still bears multiple scars from the attack along with the loss of her lower front teeth. >> he looked right down at me and just bam. twice in the face. and i saw my whole face just fly over. and i just thought, wow. it's over. i'm dead. my brother was able to kick him off of me and was able to run
out of the house. at that point i had crawled into the kitchen on top of amy's body. and then i remember just spitting up teeth. and telling amy that, you know, i loved her that we were going to go together. >> a patrol officer heard screams and was able to arrest the attacker who was later convicted of murder and sentenced to life without parole. >> did you see his eyes when he was attacking you? >> yeah. >> what was that like, his eyes? >> it looked like the devil, like he was purely possessed. he didn't say a word, not a word, just pure hatred and anger. it's something i've never seen in my life, something that you just -- i wish he would have said something. it would have been better than
silence. >> i was a little taken aback by her calm demeanor in presenting it to us. and i was also very struck by the fact that she wanted to talk to the perpetrator. >> i don't want to yell at him or scream at him or tell him i hate you or anything like that. because that's not -- that's not how it is at all. that's not how i feel. that's how i felt years ago but i'm at peace with everything now. >> are you? >> uh-huh. >> why see him? >> maybe i want some kind of closure just to know maybe why. you know, if he told me because you're a shut or you're a whore, you're a bitch, anything would be better than not knowing anything at all. >> a few weeks later, we saw her just after a court appearance. she agreed to plead guilty to her charges of drug possession and larceny and was given three years probation. with her release less than 24 hours away, she was in good spirits. >> another patdown. getting felt up once again.
>> all girls like man, i need to come to jail more often. my girlfriend doesn't touch me this much. >> most action i've had in months. >> i was given three years deferred on a felony possession, methamphetamine, which i guess is a good deal. three years, it will be expunged from my record like it never happened. so that's cool. i can't go to bars. what? >> for three years. >> i had no [ bleep ] problem with drinking. doing meth is against the law. you know. so i get it. when you're in here it's easy to say, well, i quit, i'm going to find jesus and all of that, you know, great hoopla. but it's really not when you're out there in the world. i mean, it's in your face. it's really, really hard to quit. it's not all it's cracked up to be, you know. >> before leaving jail she had some unfinished business to take care of in her cell. >> my measuring chart here of my butt, they haven't said anything
about that. i've kind of risked seven-tier lockdown for that. >> where are we? >> we're on meth here, week two, week three and then tomorrow we do week four. so -- it's growing. it's growing for sure. i fattened up a bit. >> do you think you're going to be able to stay sober out there? do you think you're going to be able to stay away from meth? >> yeah. >> why? >> i've lived through a lot worse. i can live through this too, you know. >> three weeks later we were shooting in the jail's intake area when a familiar name was called out. >> lauren pernault. >> yeah. lauren pernault, she's actually back in custody on a new case. looks like possession of a controlled drug second offense, possession of drug paraphernalia. >> give me two thumbs up, please. >> i was out gathering some clothes and things that were at an old friend's house and saying good-bye to a friend who was
going to prison, turning himself in tomorrow. and the cops busted in his door while we were there. and me just being there, bam, already the violation of probation because there was felons there. anything they had in the house, their paraphernalia, their drugs, whatever, i got charged with it. i've been clean since i was out. >> it's disappointing. it's not that we don't see this all the time, but it's just that sometimes we're not there when people come back. everybody makes proclamations of great change while they're in jail. >> i'm going to be honest. to me you look thinner. >> oh, yeah. the food. >> you look thinner. you just seem a little out of it. >> i'm totally out of it. this is -- i'm shocked. when they kicked in the door, i was completely shocked. >> what type of drugs were found? >> meth. right on the table that i was standing right by. it's not mine.
>> that smell, that same nasty-ass smell. >> i hope that the judge will believe me, you know, that it wasn't mine and hopefully these charges will be taken off of me. if not, i don't know what's going to happen. follow "lockup" producers and crews as they go behind the walls of america's prisons and jails. to the scenes you've never seen. "lockup: raw."