tv [untitled] June 27, 2013 4:30am-5:01am EDT
i think something will trigger me and which i'll just keep on working and working and working more or less. like seventy two hours just so exhausted and. i can take and build. a show out for. my off and thank you very much i don't like the phrase that you gave me i could have made a lot more money out of it if i wanted to i just it depends on what we're doing and to. be kept saying on the news that there were rebuilding iraq you're working to rebuild iraq. i was kind of sick of hearing c.n.n. and fox news like barky each other about one say oh it's things are going to. know the horrible things they are iraq and i kind of wait to see it for myself you know . joining the military when i was a teenager nineteen in basic training. like
halfway through my tour i told my unit that i was willing to kill any any human beings. i start major said. ask him this one question are you willing to do your job if i was a c no it would have been like oh this guy's be insubordinate throw in jail you know to be so like i came to conclusion like they're basically in slavery we hear i have to say yes you know i'm actually walking the town with a rifle but instead of using the camera. this is one of the girls and it's her town. i don't know where it went but you know the bullet little girl on the shoulder and she ended up dying from that shoulder injury it was the last. well i did
a happiness i had i was who a breaking point i was i was you know near suicidal you know. and during that period they saw me to a chaplain i sat and talked to a chaplain for about two hours and he tried to basically convince me becoming so. if you're in that situation where you're having that struggle you're going on that struggle yeah and one of my going to well i'm going to call my mom in tow i don't struggle with that stuff i would be bawling her eyes out you know i mean like who am i going to talk to about it you know i mean. well.
i just had my first last december and she went to the c. section and panic she was frightful but i was completely. i think crying when he was born i was just completely like. war mode kind of like i had to get a mission done. maybe i should've cried to my dad told me i would but my dad hasn't seen the things i have seen
a lot of. and from all the combat i've seen soldiers that i've lost over time it gets easier that's the thing that frighten me the most. to where if i killed the enemy. i don't feel it anymore. it's harder but i am happy that i had to be an army wife because not a lot of people get to do it it's definitely a privilege and an honor being married to someone he serves the country so. it's not an easy lifestyle. and i had family members who were in the military so i knew he was going to be gone i knew i was going to be home alone a lot you know if i wasn't from a dog. i yeah i was. no i just
turned nineteen in the picture and i was here just graduated college. went off to get married. this was the day he came home i did these on my phone so they're kind of blurry but this was when he came home it was just he kind of just wanted to sit for a minute and just like i think soak in the fact that he's not there anymore he's back in the mainland he's able to just breathe and not worry about any thing exploding behind him. here. this is a wreath that i made when my husband came home from deployment the material that
you see here is what they call a c u from their uniforms. he wore these were actually his pants and he wore them in iraq so when he came home i just thought it was kind of symbolic just to make this wreaths you know to show he made it home so next time he comes home from another deployment i want to make another one. first time when he came back it was it was scary. there was a lot of rage there's a lot of anger a lot of hurt and. he drank a lot. has been used to be one of those people a suicidal thoughts you know. he talks a lot when he's drunk and he'll talk about the worst kind of ramble on and i lot of
ramble. i was and. this is a. you know. yes. it is she's. eleven. and. he leaves again this summer that will be a second deployment and he's gone for anywhere from twelve to fifteen months at a time. did you ever talk to fucking wallace and richard and i still think that. you need to get out before you leave. we know for sure he's going to iraq.
that can change any minute he can go to afghanistan and kind of hoping he stays in iraq it's safer somewhat savor the slower. it's. from. here close. on the here who was. here your breath. all your. now i am for breakfast i was very i usually make him breakfast in the morning but he are coming home kind of late today so he's probably going to go to the d. fact which is the cafeteria any. is hard some. mornings like this.
i'm sorry. it's. not easy for me and usually. or it may. or in the middle of the day. just he's so busy right now where the training schedule. and getting ready to leave so he's got a lot of stress on him. i want a baby before he deployed speakers if something were to happen god forbid i would have that part of him here with me.
the. little boys. or girls. confusion. somewhat direction normal teenage thing. i see people trying to find their way and a very wicked world. it's like leading the lambs to slaughter you know they don't know. do i admire them and respect them and have great pride in knowing their intention yes and i want to cry sorry
twenty two years old. and i must kill thirty people. to the same thing that you were given badges for in iraq you know you would have you considered a serial killer over here and that's you know that's a very weird thought to have running around in your head. in the morning you know it's very easy to sort of think bright happy thoughts and sort of put a correct kind of. spin on it but when it's dark. going to sleep or late at night or tired it's not as easy.
it was not only politically motivated in delivering a judgment but it was actually playing a very active role in influencing be banned from the ground that's quite a charge for any given court let alone the international criminal court and don't just. mean you know you obviously very very black and white propositions like absolute indictment. choose your language. kill it we kill it oh if they're going to kill some of us. choose this is the consensus get to. choose the opinions that invigorating to. choose the stories get inside the life choose the access to your office.
i won't go more than three minutes without saying about our efforts. to always. hear the roadside bombs i've had twelve of them. arsenal in my vehicle all times. when my day goes off you react and ways you think are right at the moment. and when it when it hit our vehicle. are triggers for i heard my gunner start firing which to me means he had a target my gunner was very good he wouldn't make that mistake. and i jumped out of the vehicle and i shot a shot three people before any of them realized what was going on. and they started
running from us and i shot frank two more before. before my driver grabbed me and he said would be doing. and. that's not me out of it now realize that i was just shooting at people because they were there. this one is my grandfather in vietnam he was a pilot bosnia was six months. my first trip to iraq was only six months so that's a year my second trip to iraq was a year the trip to afghanistan was a year my last trip was fifteen months this was a stream and from there from it was to. me i'm oldest boy whose mom. and. mom are somebody. i'm very proud that i have been in the military
i'm proud that i've been to war but however good people do get hurt and i've hurt good people. and. there's a reason i'm getting out of the army retired up that's the reason. i have a. chronic p.t.s.d. post-traumatic stress disorder. to be honest with you i just got out of a mental institution a couple weeks ago. i was there for thirty days. to help me with my p.t.s.d. . and it's from the stuff i've gone through with the stuff i've done and iraq. how serious it is to be before you go to live in the institution producers.
all the people in that place with me they were all military. everybody else there except me had tried to kill themselves. i was getting ready to go kill other people when you get ready. to get in my car and drive up and start killing people. instead i grabbed my wife and we drove up to the hospital. you know how do you know are you getting ready to kill people. because the thoughts just kept going through my mind and i was making my plan. at the time it was i had a problem with people being happy because i. am not happy most of the time.
so i was going to drive down the road here and find the first person i saw that looked happy in this. i was going to start with them. she was going to shoot them but i doubt that i probably would have just beat them to death. yes. i don't go places. where you return or stick to those house or our family that's
a. cave that i'm familiar building. the church is one place i don't feel i have any symptoms. from both the church. down to us to have my gun on me yeah i did it. in church. because a radical person where they're likely to strike while the most vulnerable target which would be a church because i would have an entire profession in charge nobody but me.
the worst one for me was cleaning up other people's brains. larry i can deal with shattered human remains like pick up someone's heart. the brains are different because it's. you don't know if you're holding a piece of someone's memory from their kid or. you don't know if you're holding the piece their members being married remember that you're holding a piece that. and that that was them being soldiers and that's that's the worst for me. because all i want to you boil it down all this arrest of this is nothing but meat and bone and. but people don't want to have conversations about that they want to buy you a beer and give you a clap or a handshake in the airport and be on their merry way you know. it puts
a strain on my marriage for sure. a lot of marriages have been around because the watch just don't understand and don't have the capability of understanding and you know their husband gets home and they think well the husband's going to help me discipline the kids and take care of kids but he end up with teary three kids and a grown ass man we've been in the corner drunk off as cradling a gun. no one teaches anybody how to deal with it you know and it also gets back to the in the military it's the john wayne mentality of if you don't show emotion you know allowed to admit that you're sad or upset or anything ever it's not manly. i don't let myself to become upset because when i do i don't get a little upset i get stage five def-con i want to upset like at the world and
who have sacrificed so much freedom and will fight. for me to our nation has made a world of pain i'll have a son is the look this great nation the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of my sacrifice. i can think of nothing more honorable than serving your nation. our military and their families have provided a point you will recall that no other nation well. this is the heart of this nation and our military service member. i'm only known as normal. in your town. but friends is not i am walking out. of for vietnam afghanistan and iraq and because of the bravery and sacrifices of the heroes we honor. freedom. it is.
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