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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  September 21, 2015 11:35pm-12:37am EDT

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and now abc's "jimmy kimmel live." >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- from "the muppets," kermit the frog and miss piggy. "celebrities read mean tweets." plus music from robin thicke. with cleto and the cletones. and now, right before your very
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>> jimmy: hi, i'm. i'm jimmy, the host of the show. thanks for watching. thank you for joining us. how many of you watched the emmys last night? [ cheers and applause ] last night was the night on which television makes love to itself once gain, we go it every year. the 67th annual primetime emmy awards. the stars came out to shine. the about examplest of them all being the sun. it was very, very hot in downtown l.a. the temperature on the red carpet hit 97 degrees which means it was only 1 degree away from turning into a boy band down there. it was terrible. that kind of heat is dangerous because many of our favorite celebrities are made out of plastic. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: some of the reporters
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on the red carpet fainted. some of them had to get medical attention. true. i'm not kidding. ryan seacrest, his molecules became unstable and transformed him back into a liquid state. they had to put him in a mold and refrigerate him for two hours to get him back. mario lopez from "extra" tweeted this of extra from the red carpet. ow, right? when i sweat through my shirt it's disgusting. when mario lopez does it, it gets retweets. all these actresses and sometimes actors go to the tanning booth all week leading up, then they geton the red carpet, oh my god the sun is burning me! after losing seven times jon hamm won the emmy for best actor -- [ cheers and applause ] that was good. jon went on his eighth try. jeffrey tambor won on his seventh try, best actor in a comedy.
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jeffrey tambor is very funny but i have to say in that category, donald trump really got screwed. [ laughter ] i mean, i guess he didn't qualify because -- [ cheers and applause ] it's not technically a tv show but he's on tv more than anyone, maybe next year. jeffrey tambor gave a great speech. he said an acting teacher told him, if you act, act like your life depends on it. interesting advice but i don't know if it's entirely true. if it was true arnold schwarzenegger would have been dead in 1981. [ laughter ] viola davis became the first african-american woman to win -- [ cheers and applause ] which is great, she's great, very, very nice. the miniseries "olive kittredge" broke the record for most emmys awarded to a show no one has seen or heard of. a very good night for hbo. "game of thrones" was named outstanding drama series.
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robert durst won best murderer of the year. it was big. some people are angry because the emmys shoate a montage of clips from shows that went off the air this year. it ruined the endings of certain shows for people who haven't seen them. i was in the audience, i was mad they showed the end of "boardwalk empire." then i look up and realized the show ended 11 months ago and at this point it's my own fault for not seeing it. one of the finales they ruined was the end of "two and a half men." i'd love to meet the person who was furious they spoiled the finale of that. all this time he was the half man? this is why you have to leave your endings ambiguous. i've watched the final episode of "the sopranos" ten times, i still have no idea. i don't know how it ends. gee yare know, you were at the emmys. did you have fun? >> guillermo: a lot of fun. for you. you indicate that with this motion that you give. >> guillermo: a lot of women.
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>> jimmy: a lot of fun. right. guillermo's working last night. he was backstage. he interviewed i think all the big winners. and he did it as only he does. and that is back to back. >> jimmy: hi, how are you? >> hey, guillermo. >> guillermo: congratulations. >> thank you so much. >> guillermo: would you like emmy juice? >> i didn't have know there was such a thing, i would like emmy juice. what have you got for me? >> guillermo: emmy juice. >> is there a bigger glass? or is that the biggest glass you have? >> guillermo: if you want i can fill it all the way to the top. >> i think that would be appropriate. >> guillermo: oh, great. >> i'm watching you. >> guillermo: here? okay, hold on, let me pour mine too. one, two, three, cheers. i hear you learned spanish. >> a little. i had to learn some in my episode. but i don't know, i think chuck
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thought i said it badly so they cut it. can i say it to you? >> guillermo: yeah. [ speaking spanish ] >> guillermo: you sound like my english. >> it sounds bad? >> guillermo: a little bit, a little bit. >> maybe you can teach me. >> guillermo: i teach you tonight. >> oh! >> guillermo: hi. >> hi, guillermo. >> guillermo: you a guy? >> yes. >> guillermo: you an actor? >> no. >> guillermo: you win an emmy? >> yes, i have it with me. >> guillermo: are you white? >> yes. >> guillermo: george clooney? >> no, no. lower the bar, guillermo. >> guillermo: what's your name? >> i'm friendly with the host of your show, we've known each other many, many years. >> guillermo: john stamos! >> no, no. >> guillermo: let me smell you. carson daly?
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wow! congratulations. mwah! >> nice job. >> guillermo: you won an emmy? >> yes. >> guillermo: you have a choice, to keep the emmy or to trade it for what's inside in the mystery box. boom boom boom! boom boom boom boom boom! [ speaking spanish ] >> guillermo: boom boom boom boom! >> what do you think, i should take the box or keep my emmy? >> guillermo: the box, the box. >> here's what i'm going to do, keep my emmy. >> guillermo: oh. >> what did i lose? >> guillermo: look, what is that? >> it's a ham sandwich, guillermo. >> guillermo: just like you. >> yeah, ham sandwich! it's on wheat. >> guillermo: high five. >> what are you nuts? i'm going to take the emmy. it's terrific. >> guillermo: let me show you what you should have won, okay?
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>> all right. >> guillermo: hold on. look at this. look. >> can i have it anyway? >> guillermo: only on one condition. >> what? >> guillermo: if you give me a kiss. >> i'll give you a kiss. can i have it? >> guillermo: yeah. >> i'll give to it my kids. i don't want it. >> guillermo: you don't want it? >> i don't want it. >> i have an option whether to keep my emmy or make a choice about what's going in the box? here's the deal. that's a hard choice. i'm going to go for it. >> guillermo: you're going to go for it? >> i'm going to go for it. >> guillermo: ready? >> oh! >> guillermo: a pizza! >> thank you! that's so weird. you know what's sad? is that actually does give me joy. >> guillermo: the pizza does? >> it does. hold on. >> guillermo: oh my gosh. >> oh! it's not frozen anymore. it's not cooked. let me give you a slice. here we go. >> guillermo: all right. >> do this.
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mm, good stuff! that's good stuff. beautiful. you cried a lot. so you waste a lot of water. >> yes. >> guillermo: so we need to put the water back in your body. >> how do we do that? >> guillermo: i'm going to give you emmy juice. >> emmy juice? what is emmy juice? wow, it's real official. >> guillermo: yeah, it is. this emmy juice is just like the one they make in prison, in jail, you know? >> guillermo: ready? >> ready. >> guillermo: one, two, three. that's going to make you real cry. >> god! oh! you gave me mexican water before. >> guillermo: this is different than mexican water. >> okay. >> guillermo: totally different.
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>> that's good emmy juice. >> one, two, three. oh! wow. >> guillermo: emmy juice is great. >> i'll take that, mm, mm! >> guillermo: let me wipe my mouth too hold on. >> that's okay, you have to win one to do that. >> guillermo: okay. i wrote a play for me and you, okay? >> okay. >> guillermo: all right. >> can't wait. >> guillermo: here, hold on. so you're going to play sofia vergara. >> okay. >> guillermo: all right? >> all right. >> guillermo: action. oh, no, my wife amy schumer, my -- wait, hold on. sophie yeah she's sick, she couldn't come. okay, let's start again. oh, no, my wife, amy schumer. my boss wants to come over to have dinner, what should we do? >> don't worry, you're so very handsome we can just go over here and have sex. >> guillermo: we have to do sex? >> it says we have sex for real. guillermo, i'm not doing that. >> guillermo: no? >> no, i'm not falling for that
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again. nice try. >> guillermo: okay. second page. >> okay. next page. >> guillermo: all right. >> okay. >> guillermo: oh, no, my wife amy schumer, i cannot believe we are stuck inside this elevator. how will we get out of this elevator that we are stuck inside of? >> i know. we can make sex together. i see how this ends, guillermo. that's not what i signed up for. >> guillermo: no? >> no, guillermo, i can't -- >> guillermo: i thought you were an actress. >> [ bleep ] you did this to me last time. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you. guillermo, everybody. we have to take a break. when we come back we'll have surprise celebrity visitors in the first-ever live in-studio edition of "mean tweets" so
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. we have a very good show on the way for you. including music from robin thicke. bill owe railey is here to talk about his new book "killing ronald reagan" which is a true story about the time he killed ronald reagan, the president. two of the stars of "the muppets" are here, kermit the frog and miss piggy are here. even though they're not a couple anymore. they broke up. but they agreed to a rare no strings attached interview. talk to them, i had nothing to do with it. miss piggy has her own late-night talk show now. and i guess as a gels tour to us, her colleagues, she brought her personal chef along to cook in the green room for us tonight. is he back there?
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yes, all right. swedish chef, hello! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hey, i'm excited and hungry. i'm very hungry. what are you going to make tonight? what is on the menu? >> oh, oh -- >> i'm going to guess it involves chicken. >> chicky, chicky! >> jimmy: hold on a second, swedish chef. >> chicky! >> jimmy: there are a lot of people down there, i don't know if it's a great idea to -- >> chicky! >> jimmy: to chop a chicken's head off with a butcher knife -- not a good idea, thank you, though. wait a minute -- yeah, that seems like an even worse idea. >> chicky! >> jimmy: we do have kind of a language -- no, swedish chef -- >> chicky! boom, boom! >> jimmy: a bomb is not a good way to cook a chicken -- i stand corrected, it actually looks pretty good.
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>> ta-da! >> jimmy: all right. >> chicky chicky kaboom! >> jimmy: thank you, swedish chef. oh, look at this. who's in there? hey, how is it? how is it? >> guillermo: it's good. it's very moist. >> jimmy: i didn't know you spoke swedish, guillermo. >> guillermo: i don't, jimmy. >> jimmy: okay, thank you. thank you, swedish chef. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you, swedish chef. you know, last night at the emmys i presented the award for outstanding lead actor in a comedy -- hello? before i read the nominees i made note of the fact that after they hand you the envelope, you can at that point give the award to anyone you want. because nobody knows what's on there except you. i could say matt leblanc won even if he didn't win. and they wouldn't be able to do anything about it because by the time they figged it out he'd be halfway through his acceptance sweech.
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i cut the winner's name out of the envelope and ate it so nobody would know whose name was on it. matt leblanc did not win. jeffrey tambor won in the category. so later matt was sitting behind me. i posed for this picture with him and posted it to twitter. so you can see matt leblanc -- that's joey giving me the finger. although we have it blurred out. i said, i'm sorry, matt leblanc. i thought it was obvious this was a joke. i posted the photo, my wife took the photo. but some people on twitter aren't what you would call sophisticated. a lot of them believed that matt was really mad at me. i have trouble with guys named matt in general but these are real tweets. they came in yesterday. jimmy kimmel, you earn mr. leblanc's response, straight-up rude, it's never funny, it's just cheap, ask your mom. i'll do that. here's one from a guy named roman. why don't you learn to show people the same respect you show animals? can your stupid ass do that?
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there were a lot like this. here's one more. jimmy kimmel, being a douche schnozzle at someone else's expense and then saying sorry is still being a douche. thank you, i was unfamiliar with douchesnozzle law. twitter has made it easy for famous people to interact with their fans. also makes its a for people to tell you how much they hate you. every night this week a group of celebrities will be on the show to read their mean tweets to our studio audience. and in fact i'd like to be in the studio audience for this. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how you doing? what is your name? >> i'm jake. >> jimmy: jake, have you ever sent a mean tweet to a celebrity? >> i have. i'm ashamed. >> jimmy: who? >> mylie cyrus. >> jimmy: what did you say? >> i told her that my grandma was way better looking than she is. >> jimmy: jake is sexually attracted to his grandmother.
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all right. sit down. think about your actions. because it's time now for "mean tweets live." ladies and gentlemen, please welcome mr. jeff bridges! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, thank you. i'm get my specs. i'm now convinced jeff bridges is a crazy [ bleep ]. and not in the cool way. just in the disturbed, hobo shouting at sparrows and sidewalks way. that's very interesting critique, i will take that to heart. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, jeff. next up, say hello to the
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[ cheers and applause ] >> kristen bell seems like such a bitch, her vagina is probably an alka traz for penis. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, kristen. our final mean tweeter tonight from the u.k., mr. benedict cumberbatch! [ cheers and applause ] >> if you find benedict cumberbatch attractive, i'm guessing you'd also quite enjoy staring directly at a cat's anus. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> well, someone did and she put a ring on it. >> jimmy: thank you, benedict. good stuff. we'll have that all this week.
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tonight muse trick robin thicke. "the muppets," kermit and miss piggy are here. be right back with bill o'reilly so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: portions of jimmy kimmel are brought to you by couples therapy with dr. jen. new season of explosive celebrity drama returns wednesdays in october to s vh1. mother nature can turn in an instant; sfx: drum beats don't turn back. introducing the new 2016 ford explorer. be unstoppable. this is my fight song... looking for a delicious taste that lifts you up? try lipton sparkling iced tea. the perfect combination of fruit flavors, iced tea, and light carbonation. lipton sparkling iced tea.
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my grandfather angel martinez vi came over from puerto rico, and his thing was the american dream.
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and that's why 45 years ago, he chose ghi which is now emblemhealth. ghi was the first to cover preventative care for new york kids. today with my business, i'm passing on the family tradition of hard work and good health to angel ix. we're talking generations of healthy, brooklyn "angels." emblemhealth: what care feels like...in the neighborhood. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, there. welcome back. tonight, from the new "muppets" tv show which premieres tomorrow night on abc, kermit the frog
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and miss piggy are with us. this is called "back together." robin thicke from the samsung outdoor stage. tomorrow night, kerry washington will be here, lea michele, music from travis scott, and more live mean tweets from right here in our studio. [ cheers and applause ] later this week, don johnson, shonda rhymes, dave salmoni, music from jill scott and the one and only james taylor will be with us. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest had quite a night, out partying with mitch and cam from "modern family" at the emmy after gatherings. he's the host of "the o'reilly factor" and best-selling author with the new book "killing reagan."
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>> thank you very much. >> jimmy: very good to see you, how you doing? >> i'm the same. >> jimmy: same as last time? >> i'm the same. >> jimmy: i love the idea of you at these emmy parties. were you at one, two, three? >> we came in because "killing jesus" was nominated and we didn't win. >> jimmy: you did not win. >> no, so expect a tsunami in l.a. any time. >> jimmy: there is a bias against you here in hollywood, yes? >> i don't know if it's against me or jesus or both. >> jimmy: it's good company. >> when i come here i like to observe. check the hollywooder saying, bemused at the hbo party. >> jimmy: were you bemused? >> i was. it's totally -- i'm an east coast guy. born and raised in new york. and you come to l.a. and the hustle is so much different. >> jimmy: really, in what way? >> much more naked out here. >> jimmy: it was hot. >> see, in new york, if you're
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here they go -- aren't you the guy that -- you know. >> jimmy: that is true. in new york people are much more casual. like, hey. that's about it. >> they have to be because say in blase in new york. >> jimmy: do people talk to you at these parties? >> they do. people who don't like me don't. i'm 6'4", i'm irish. >> jimmy: you're boo fig to be mean too. >> right. people go, who do you think's going to win? once in a while they'll ask me a question about some policy matter. but i have to say, everybody's very nice last night, everybody was well dressed. >> jimmy: yes. >> very well groomed. >> jimmy: yes. >> it was really -- >> jimmy: yes. do you feel like the chaperone at the high school dance? >> kind of. remember the principal in "welcome back cotter"? that's me. >> jimmy: they, mr. woodland. >> right. i used to be cotter. i was a high school teacher.
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>> jimmy: nobody wants to be woodman. maybe the next book is "killing woodman." by the way, i never imagined i would like these books. but i love them. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i really find them to be interesting. >> i appreciate you reading it. >> jimmy: i read this one, "killing reagan." i think it's -- what i think i was most interested in is the fact that it is not a flattering portrayal of ronald reagan or his wife nancy. there are a lot of things that i wonder if this day and age if he would even be elected president. the guy cheated on his wives. he was not a good father. he cheated in a debate, maybe cheating is a strong word to use. he got the notes -- >> they stole the notes. >> jimmy: they stole the notes from carter, which is amazing. that a president could have his notes stolen in the first place. >> we only write about great men. lincoln, patton, jesus, kennedy, now reagan. all five are great men. they're great men. everybody should know that. what we tell you -- >> jimmy: what do you mean by
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that, great man? >> in their time, they rose up and they did things that were extraordinary. >> jimmy: i see. >> all five men. and while we write about great men, we tell you the truth about them. because all of us are sinners. all of us are fallible. every single human being. the pr people and the spinners, they'll never, ever tell you. we will. but i believe that after reading "killing reagan" that the nobility of the man that you'll see overrides the things that he did that were wrong. same thing with kennedy. same thing with patton. lincoln and jesus, a little bit different. because they were unbelievable human beings. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> although lincoln had his moments. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but we want to tell the truth. and that's why these books soar successful are so successful. when you read what we write it's in stone, it happened. >> jimmy: is it more or less difficult to write a book about
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talking about lincoln and jesus, this was a long time ago, obviously. >> right. >> jimmy: is it more or less difficult to write about somebody like reagan? >> here's the hard part with reagan. we wouldn't use any anonymous sources and we had to double source everything. which means when you read books about famous people, a lot of times you'll have so-and-so says to name a person. i won't put that in. then whatever anybody says has to be confirmed by somebody else and their name has to be on it. i left out a lot of stuff that just one person said or a person would tell me and they go, don't use my name. i said, i can't use it. so it wasn't -- when we had the people who knew reagan and nancy, knew carter, knew mondale, all these people, they went on the record, we got really good stuff from it. my boss roger ails coached ronald reagan in a debate. i got unbelievable stuff from him, i threatened to quit if he wouldn't tell me. >> jimmy: did you need two sources?
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but we knew that we could get people to talk about reagan in a way that had never been done before, and i think we did it. >> jimmy: the craziest thing is that reagan almost joined the communist party. >> that's right. part of the fascination for people who don't care about politics, there's a lot of movie stars in it. >> jimmy: that's true. >> reagan was a movie star himself and the president of the screen actors guild. he discovered marilyn monroe. ronald reagan did. john wayne saved his butt. reagan in the beginning of his career was leaning toward being a communist. then became, of course, an anti-communist who was obsessed with breaking down the soviet union. >> jimmy: it's very interesting. when we come back i want to talk about the person that probably everybody wants to ask you about all the time, donald trump. and i also believe i know of a republican that could beat donald trump if he decides to run, and i will reveal that when we come back with bill o'reilly.
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thank you for your patience. waiter! in the nation, we know how it feels when you aren't treated like a priority. we do things differently. we'll take care of it. we put members first... join the nation. thank you. nationwide is on your side i'm looking to get a new iphone for my son. oh, we have it, and right now you can get 15 gigs for the price of 10, so that's 50% more data. oh, good, because he goes through data like crazy. oh! there's my boy he goes through data like crazy? yeah, yeah. data, streaming, texting, emailing, loves watching football games. oh yeah? who's your favorite team? he texts, he doesn't talk. that would be weird. get an iphone at at&t and get 50% more data,
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alaska. finally. the search for brown bears begins. denali highway. low on gas. pit stop. fill up. double points. yep, that's cold. tired. day 2. coffee. eggs. double points. beautiful. majestic... nothing. where are you, bear? warm. warmer. warmer. yes. wherever the journey takes you, carry american express gold. it's more than a card. it's the gear that gets it done. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're back with bill o'reilly. the author of the book "killing reagan." bill, talking about you have donald trump on the show on thursday. >> thursday on "the factor." i've known him for 30 years. we actually go to sporting events, yankee games, knick games, together.
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of course he always pays. [ laughter ] >> but he's an interesting phenomenon. it is both good and bad in what he's doing. >> jimmy: is he bad for the republican party? chances of winning the election? >> i don't think so. by this time next year when you're all heating up to vote for president, it's going to be a totally different canvas than it is now. what trump has done is articulated the anger of a lot of americans, not just republicans, fed up with not making any money -- >> jimmy: mostly republicans. >> i wouldn't say so. >> jimmy: really? >> it came out the median income for all working americans is down 6.5% in seven years. it's down from 2007. that's not a political issue. that's a human being issue. we need to get this country on track. we need to start to develop this country in a way that puts its dominance back. that's what trump is pushing. that's why his message is resonating. i don't believe it's just a conservative or republican message. however, along with that message
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cops a responsibility. and that's where trump has to up his game if he wants to be in it for the long run. >> jimmy: scott walker dropped out of the race. basically said he did it, well, first of all he did it because no one was going to vote for him. [ laughter ] but he also did it because he believes that they need to -- the republicans need to mount an attack on donald trump. >> i don't know if it's an attack. i think you can see there's a bunch of debates coming up, that the republican candidates who articulate solutions will start to rise. you see marco rubio, senator from florida, his poll numbers are going up. slowly but they're going up. and i think people, once the trump phenomenon differently minute anybodies, and it has to. you can't stay that hot. >> jimmy: i don't think marco rubio could beat trump. i don't think any -- there's only one person that i think can beat donald trump and i think it's you. i do. [ cheers and applause ] obviously it's not something you're interested in or you would have done it already.
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but do you think you, bill o'reilly, versus donald trump, who wins the republican nomination? >> look, i don't know about it. all i know is that i'm a good debater. and i always put myself up against the people who are in place. i interviewed president obama three times. i interviewed president bush three times. now with the president you have to be a little careful. >> jimmy: sure. >> there's a line you can't cross because of the office. but with everybody else you can say, you pinhead, you're not telling the truth. and of course i do. but i think i could hold my own in a debate against donald trump or hillary clinton or bernie sanders or joe biden or any of the republicans because it's my job to know what's going on, and i am -- i'm a solution-driven guy. this is how you solve the problem. some of trump's solutions are pretty good. >> jimmy: if i was donald trump i'd be friendly to you over the coming months. bill o'reilly. read his book "killing reagan." it's available now. we'll be right back with the
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muppets!
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i sure had a lot on my mind when i got out of the hospital after a dvt blood clot. what about my family? my li'l buddy? and what if this happened again? i was given warfarin in the hospital but i wondered if this was the right treatment for me. then my doctor told me about eliquis. eliquis treats dvt and pe blood clots and reduces the risk of them happening again. not only does eliquis treat dvt and pe blood clots, but eliquis also had significantly less major bleeding than the standard treatment. knowing eliquis had both... turned around my thinking. don't stop eliquis unless your doctor tells you to. eliquis can cause serious and in rare cases fatal bleeding. don't take eliquis if you have an artificial heart valve or abnormal bleeding.
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>> jimmy: welcome back. for nearly four decades our next guests were the most prominent interspecies couple in the world. their relationship is strictly professional now. the new show called "the muppets" premiering at 8:00 tomorrow night on abc. this is their first interview since their breakup. please welcome kermit the frog and miss piggy! [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, thank you! [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, my goodness, wow. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there they are. >> gee whiz. >> please, please, sit down, sit down. >> jimmy: it's very exciting to have you here together. thank you for honoring your commitment to be here together. i think -- >> oh, sure. >> yes, yes, this isn't awkward at all.
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not one bit. >> jimmy: i don't want to pry. but why did you break up in the first place? you always seemed to be so happily unhappy together. >> yes, i thought so. >> are you sure you don't want to pry? sounds like you want to pry. >> jimmy: i do actually want to pry a little bit, if you don't mind. >> well, you know. piggy and i had a great relationship for many, many years. and we sort of wanted different things. you know. >> jimmy: like -- >> it's the usual laundry list. put the lid down. closing the refrigerator door. not doing the dishes while taking a bath in the sink. >> i'm a frog, i'm a frog. >> i know you like water. i like it -- >> jimmy: guys, guys. >> i'm sorry, i'm sorry. >> jimmy: were you surprised by what big news this was? i feel like the breakup of the soviet union did not get as much coverage as your breakup did. >> and rightly so. yes, of course. >> that's true. >> anything that happens to me
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is going to be front-page news. and i'm kind of like the donald trump of love. you know? everything i do is huuuge! >> therein lies some of the problem. but anyhow. >> jimmy: i see. kermit, you have a new girlfriend. i believe we have a photograph, let's put that picture up on the wall. denise. >> that's denise. >> jimmy: what can you tell us about denise? >> well, you know, jimmy -- she's not a public person. she's not a celebrity. >> parked medon me if i zone out for a bit. >> she's one of the heads of marketing with abc. >> jimmy: oh, i didn't know that. >> yes, that's true. >> jimmy: wow. >> you don't have your phone here do you, jimmy? i left mine. i'd like to do something productive like play candy crush or something. >> sorry if i'm boring you. >> jimmy: denise, she looks to be young to me. >> she is. >> jimmy: looks like a little piglet.
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how old is denise? >> well, she's old enough, let's just say that. she's old enough. >> old enough? >> but not as old as she could be. >> jimmy: i see. >> you know. >> jimmy: miss piggy, are you dating anyone right now? >> yes, that's it, she's dating anyone. >> ha ha, very funny. that's not true. i mean, i do go out pretty much every night. >> yeah, pretty much. >> with a new face. >> jimmy: i think you would make a great bachelorette. i don't know if the producers have been in touch. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ever considered that? >> we've been talking about it. nothing too much right now. as much as i date, i do have high standards. >> jimmy: you do? >> i do. i have a rigorous application process before anyone can date me. i wish i had those in place when i met you.
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>> he has webbed feet! >> i'm a frog. we all do. >> how was i supposed to know that, huh? they don't teach you that in school. the only time i ever came across a frog in school i directed it. >> aagh! i bet you ripped its heart out too. >> yes! yes! >> jimmy: this is genuinely uncomfortable, it really is. >> you don't know the half of it. >> jimmy: miss piggy, you actually -- i know if you're looking for somebody, we have put together a profile for you. have you heard of tinder? >> oh, yes, yes. >> jimmy: i don't know if you're interested in this. but if you are, we put something together for you. put that up on the wall there. >> okay. >> that's nice. >> jimmy: looking for guys at the styes, let's get this pig in >> i agree. [ cheers and applause ] >> go ahead, go ahead. >> jimmy: can you swipe right with gloves on? is that possible?
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>> jimmy: never mind. muppets." it's behind the scenes of a late-night talk show called "up late with miss piggy." how does this work? kermit what do you do? i know miss piggy is the host of the show. >> i am executive producing her late-night show which we're it's very strange. >> jimmy: it is very strange. show. and then abc is documenting all the behind the scenes which is what you'll see at 8:00 p.m. >> jimmy: miss piggy, what do you do as host? do you do a monologue? do you sing? >> yeah, yeah, i basically do whatever it is you do here. only better and in high heels. >> jimmy: kermit, you seem to like that one. >> when she hits it, she hits it. >> jimmy: all your muppet friends are working on the show too? >> yes. >> jimmy: fozzy bear? >> fozzy is sort of like the guillermo of the show.
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tells jokes. >> your band? >> the electric mayhem. >> jimmy: the electric mayhem band will be a part of it. >> they are the band. >> jimmy: the great gonzo? >> he's one of the writers. >> gonzo, rizzo and pepe are the writers. >> they're very good. you should hire them for your show. >> jimmy: well, i -- >> no, no, no -- >> please, take them away from >> jimmy: what about sam the eagle? >> standards and practices. >> jimmy: he's doing standards i'm excited about this. i really think -- it's great to have you back together even if you're not back together, you know what i'm saying? >> we're together enough. >> jimmy: any chance you could kiss and make up right here on the show? >> absolutely not. >> not from here. >> jimmy: wow, all right. >> not going to happen. >> that's not going to happen. >> jimmy: kermit the frog and miss piggy, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tomorrow night at 8:00 on abc. be right back with robin thicke! [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel
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live" concert series is
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by samsung. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank bill o'reilly, the muppets and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next, but first, here with the song "back together," robin thicke! [ cheers and applause ] didn't i rock with you all night wasn't it good enough don't lie didn't you tell me that i blew your mind brought out the animal in me nobody else can tame that beast why did you have to go and say goodbye now all i want to do is get get you back yeah yeah because girl you're still the best that i've ever had one two three let's go you use your love to tear me apart
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now me back together me back together you put a bullet into my heart now me back together me back together come on i'm an addict come on gotta have it come on let me at it tonight you use your love to tear me apart now me back together i want to live between your legs hear all the freaky things you said i don't like what you're turning me into baby you left me on the floor now i keep driving past your door i don't know why you gotta be so cruel i don't know why now all i want to do is get get you back yeah yeah because girl you're still the best that i've ever had one two three let's go you use your love to tear me apart now me back together
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me back together you put a bullet into my heart now me back together me back together come on i'm an addict come on gotta have it come on let me at it tonight you use your love to tear me apart now me back together back together baby can't get you off my mind give me love tonight i know just what you like come get it sthoets put your hands together put your hands together you want to tame that beast yeah you want to party with me yeah you want to lose control yeah one two three
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let's go you use your love to tear me apart now me back together me back together you put a bullet into my heart now me back together love me back together come on i'm an addict come on gotta have it come on let me at it tonight you use your love to tear me apart now me back together love me back together come on i'm an addict come on gotta have it come on let me at it tonight you use your love to tear me apart now me back together
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