tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC November 16, 2012 12:35am-1:35am EST
♪ yeah yeah free yourself ain't no one to do it free yourself ♪ ♪ ain't nothing to it free yourself yeah don't let nobody try and steal your soul ♪ ♪ ho free yourself ain't no one to do it free yourself ♪ ♪ ain't nothing to it free yourself yeah don't let nobody try and steal your soul ♪ ♪ you're the original ♪ ♪ all right [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: switchfoot. nice job, guys. thank you, gentlemen. thank you, guys. >> good to see you. >> jay: welcome back. i want to thank my guests
tim allen, nolan gould and of course switchfoot. tomorrow night, chris matthews will join us, but "jimmy fallon" is happening right now. jimmy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you so much. i feel the love. thank you. welcome, everybody. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon!" that's what i'm talking about. a great new york city crowd right there. feel the love. thank you, guys. welcome. thank you for being here. we got a great show. here's what people are talking about, you guys. yesterday, president obama gave his first press conference since being re-elected. and a lot of people are saying it looked like he was trying to cover up some of his gray hair. so i guess obama's major goals include jobs for women and just for men. [ laughter and applause ] some more news out of washington, during his final speech on the house floor yesterday, 77-year-old congressman ron paul said the constitution has failed. which must be a bummer, 'cause
he's actually one of the guys who signed it. why would you do that? [ laughter and applause ] this is cool. tonight, president obama hosted a screening of the new movie "lincoln" at the white house. yeah, after the movie, joe biden was like, "whoa! i did not see that ending coming! anyone else? anyone else? [ laughter ] that's crazy, right? wow." speaking of obama, the president has declared today "america recycles day." [ cheers ] which reminds me, obama hosted a screening of "lincoln" at the white house. and after the movie, biden was like, "i did not see that ending coming!" [ laughter ] so excited, you guys. we have katie holmes tonight! [ cheers and applause ] comedian russell peters! [ cheers and applause ] and amazon founder jeff bezos on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and this is cool.
since we booked jeff bezos in advance, he was delivered with free shipping and handling! so we saved -- saved a lot of -- >> steve: oh, my god. that's 'cause you're prime. >> jimmy: check this out. a new survey found that 9% of americans have their childhood dream job. wow, i had no idea there were that many ghostbusters. [ laughter ] >> steve: who you gonna call? >> jimmy: yeah. yeah. this isn't good, you guys. the calculator manufacturer, texas instruments, announced that it's cutting 5% of its workforce. when the ceo made the announcement, employees were like, "you can go straight to upside down, seven, seven, three, four." [ laughter ] i heard that facebook and the department of labor have teamed up for a new app that displays job openings. though it'll be weird when
people find a job because of facebook, then get fired from that job for using facebook, then use facebook to find another job. ♪ it's the circle of life ♪ [ lion king intro ] >> steve: lifesavers, yum. >> jimmy: lifesavers. yum. that's not in there. >> steve: it's sounds like mufasa. >> jimmy: and finally, this week, pope benedict made a surprise visit to a retirement home near the vatican. you know, 'cause if there's one thing people in a retirement home like, it's surprises. we have great show tonight. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hey! welcome to our show, everybody and thank you so much for watching. >> audience: love you, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh, my god. thank you. i love you, too. welcome, going to be a fun show tonight.
quickly, everybody, my man, guy fieri's new times square restaurant got hit pretty hard by a review in the "new york times." you guys read this thing? you read it, cliff? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. i have been there a billion times. it's great. fine. burgers, beers, it's like hot wings. great. but anyway, here at "late night" we always try to turn a negative into a positive. the restaurant industry in new york is still recovering from hurricane sandy. so i really want to urge all of you to go out and support your local restaurants. and to help you out with that, guy fieri himself is giving everyone in the audience tonight a $25 gift certificate to guy's american kitchen & bar in times square. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] you can grab a drink right after the show on guy. [ cheers and applause ] you tell me if you like it. and to the reviewer -- >> audience: we love you, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you, sir. to the reviewer, maybe he had a bad day. i don't want people making fun
of him either. [ laughter ] maybe just had a rough time. maybe you need to spice up your life a little bit, spice up your looks. i'm going to help you out here. snap on a look here. give you some frosties. how about some frosties. throw on some shades. ear rings, top it all off with a flame-broiled button down. there you go. [ cheers and applause ] now, there's a guy that looks like he is having some fun right there. enjoy the gift certificate, everybody. support our local restaurants. please. [ cheers and applause ] we have a big show tonight. she is back on broadway with a great new play. katie holmes is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] and she's killer in the play. she's great in the play. he's the founder and ceo of amazon.com. he has the new kindle fire hd tablet with him today. jeff bezos is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] and this guy's a really funny guy, very, very funny standup who just became the first comic to play a sellout crowd at the barclays center in brooklyn last
week, russell peters is performing for us tonight! [ cheers and applause ] it's a great show. i cannot wait. a funny, funny man. it is time for late night hashtags, everybody. check it out! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hashtags hashtags hashtags hashtags hashtags ♪ >> jimmy: you guy, these are lists on twitter where we give you the topic and you send in the tweet. so, because the new "twilight" movie comes out tomorrow, i went on twitter and started a hash tag called fake "twilight" spoilers. [ laughter ] and i asked you guys at home to tweet out a made up spoiler, something that happens in a movie that is a secret you don't want anyone to know before you goee it. we got thousands of fake spoiler tweets. in fact, within 15 minutes, it was a worldwide trending topic, which is awesome. so thank you for those tweets. [ applause ] and now i thought i would share some of my favorite fake "twilight" spoilers tweets from you guys. here we go. first one from @rdmventura.
he says, "there is a grand opening of the gap in their town and jacob can finally buy a shirt." [ laughter ] >> steve: that's not what happened. >> jimmy: he's definitely shirtless in this one too. this one from @michellelainson. she says, "after bella becomes a vampire, edward realizes he is only into a live chick." [ laughter ] happens. >> steve: happens. people change. these people do change. i was into vampires and now i'm in to live chicks. i don't know. >> jimmy: i'm gonna go get a shirt. ride my new skateboard and i was like i'm into live chicks now, not into vampires no more. >> steve: what kind of skateboard did you get? >> jimmy: i got one of them pennies, a little job there white wheels and you can only ride them on super, super, you know, slick floors, smooth surfaces and that. so i took it. and i wrecked one. >> steve: what happened? >> jimmy: i wrecked one hard. >> steve: how did you do that? you were riding on the gym floor
of the gymnasium? >> jimmy: i was in the gymnasium. i didn't know the girl's volleyball team was going to be practicing there. >> steve: oh, snap. >> jimmy: i damn near sprained myself going through the net. >> steve: oh, my god. you almost decapitated. you're lucky you're a vampire. >> jimmy: yeah. here's one from -- here's one from @ibdjojo. he says, "dracula kills edward and says, real vampires don't sparkle, bitch!" [ laughter and applause ] that happened in the new "twilight." these are spoilers. >> steve: so dracula. my gosh, how many draculas are in that movie? >> jimmy: sam roskowsi says, "the cullens spend the entire movie sheepishly explaining that jacob's just saying hello when he sniffs your crotch." he's the wolf. >> steve: he's the wolf guy. team jacob. >> jimmy: or maybe he's not even a wolf when he does it. >> steve: who knows. >> jimmy: yeah. i don't know. i haven't seen it yet. this one's from @therealcarolinem. she says, "the volturi use apple maps to find the cullens and end up finding the vampires from 'true blood' instead."
sorry wrong vampires. you guys are cool. this one from @ronbowten. he says, "after all this time, we find out edward isn't really a vampire. he's an umpire." oh, come on. >> steve: that's not -- that's your call. >> completely confusing. this one from @iveideiros. he says, "kanye west shows up and says, taylor, i'm really happy for you, but michael j. fox was the best werewolf of all time." [ laughter and applause ] what? that's what he does in the movie? he does it in the movie? he showed up. here's the last one, fake spoiler of the movie "twilight." this is @paultrafga. he says, "we find out that bruce willis was dead the whole time." there we go. tonight's late night hash tags. check out more of our favorites, go to latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/ hash tags. stick around, be right back with more late night. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a beautiful and talented actress you know from starring roles in "dawson's creek" and "batman begins." you can currently see her on broadway in the new play "dead accounts" playing at the music box theater. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome katie holmes! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: katie, welcome back to our show. >> thank you for having me. >> jimmy: oh, please, we love having you. how does it feel to be back in new york? you're back on broadway. >> it's great. i'm so excited to be back on broadway and you know, i had such a good time doing "all my sons" and i love the broadway community so much and they're so supportive of -- you know every -- all -- everyone's supportive of each other. so i'm having a great time. >> jimmy: a good time of the year too. the holidays are coming up and to be in new york city, there's nothing better in the whole wide world. [ applause ]
>> i love where you work. i mean, right -- the tree goes up in two weeks? >> jimmy: i know. trust me, we know. we're already -- here in the building, we're a little upset about that. >> oh. why? >> jimmy: because we work here and we have to come in and out. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: but, yeah. but of course, anyone else, it's a beautiful thing. but i should tell everybody, the tree is lit for a long time. [ laughter ] you don't have to come on the first day. [ laughter ] it's not like your picture's going to be the only picture. like, "i got the tree on. it's the first one." it's like -- no, but how do i know if you took the first picture of the tree turning it on. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. been on for a month. but -- it is a beautiful place to be. >> well i'm coming the first day. >> jimmy: you are not -- please don't. >> to try to get the picture. 'cause i -- >> jimmy: you don't need to do that. >> it can be my christmas card. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. it is not. >> yeah, i -- well just to you. >> jimmy: just to -- thank you so much. >> as a result of this conversation. >> jimmy: what are you doing for thanksgiving? >> i'm actually -- i'm going to be with my family in ohio. >> jimmy: oh, you go to ohio every thanksgiving? >> pretty much, yeah. >> jimmy: that's good. that's fun. now what do you do there.
do you have any special traditions or -- >> yes, many years ago, my dad started this tradition where we all do this run in the local park and it's a three mile run called the turkey trot. >> jimmy: wow, your dad and my dad are so different. [ laughter ] my dad starts drinking at three and then we see -- [ laughter ] -- who makes it through thanksgiving. totally different play out. so wait, so you run three miles? >> yes. >> jimmy: good for you. >> yeah, and there's even a prize which i haven't won yet but -- but it's really fun. >> jimmy: what is the prize? >> it's like, a gift certificate to a restaurant or something. >> jimmy: guy fieri's bar and grill? [ cheers and applause ] yeah, it's the best bar in the world. katie, i wanted to ask 'cause we had a buddy of yours, james van der beek on our show a few months ago and he's a good man and i -- and it just keeps coming up. it must come up with you all the time. will there be a "dawson's creek" reunion and i go, yeah, we'd all be into it. [ cheers ] and you're kind of in the -- wait -- but, right? >> well, you know, i was -- i love everyone from the show.
>> jimmy: yeah. >> and then i -- you know, we have kind of talked about it here and there but, like, what do you do? because our last episode michelle's character just passed away. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> and -- >> jimmy: come back as a ghost. [ laughter ] problem solved. now what? yeah, there we go. >> i know, right. i don't know yet. what you do? yeah. and we also, our last episode, we were already like, five years older so -- >> jimmy: yeah, it was great. yeah, it was good. so -- >> but maybe we'll go on vacation. that would be fun. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and just film it. i don't know. >> jimmy: i guess so. i love to see that you're into it. that you're positive. you would do it but there is no real story. >> yeah. >> jimmy: if it was a good story you'd do it? >> yeah. absolutely. >> jimmy: great. yeah. speaking of good stories. "dead accounts," i saw you the other night. it's in previews right now on broadway. you're fantastic in it. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and a great cast as well. who else was in here? now you got -- who's the -- josh -- >> hamilton. >> jimmy: josh hamilton. >> norbert leo butz. >> jimmy: yeah, that's what i'm talking about. norbert -- norbert leo butz. [ laughter ]
>> he's -- he's a phenomenal actor. >> jimmy: i know, but here's the -- i have a 15 year old brain. so i go -- [ laughter ] norbert butz is the guy's name. i go, okay, well why -- and i've heard the guy's name before. the guy's phenominal. >> yeah. >> jimmy: he's unbelievable in this play. and i go, gosh, he must have, like, toughened up growing up with that name. >> he's one of 11 children. >> jimmy: oh, man. >> so, i think he was just born tough. >> jimmy: yeah, i would not want to fight this guy. if someone said you could fight john smith or you want to fight norbert butz i go -- [ laughter ] i'd fight john smith because norbert butz knows how to fight. [ laughter ] >> he's a toughy, yeah. >> jimmy: but god, does he know how to act as well. >> i know. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. and you guys were so great together. it takes place in ohio. >> yes. cincinnati, ohio. >> jimmy: and you relate to that. you relate to ohio. >> yes. and you know, it's -- i play lorna, who is, sort of, the youngest in the family and she's a character who, you know, she hasn't -- she's still living with her parents and all of her siblings have gone and everything. >> jimmy: it's great to see you play this character.
>> thanks. >> jimmy: because it's so unlike the katie holmes that we see on tv and read on the magazines and all that stuff, you know. 'cause you're just jeans and sneakers type of gal and eating ice cream out of the pint. eating chili dogs. >> i know. it's awesome. in fact, i got in trouble by our prop person because all during tech week, you know, we have pizza in the show and i started eating the pizza before we got to the scene. like, backstage. [ light laughter ] i didn't think it was a big deal. i mean, we didn't have an audience yet. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> and she's like, i haven't met anyone like you. [ light laughter ] what are you doing? >> jimmy: well you're eating so much pizza and then you're doing the scene with, like, space pizza. you're like -- >> i know, i know. [ laughter ] but it was good. it was good pizza. it's from john's pizza. >> jimmy: but you're eating pizza -- you're eating pizza -- oh, from john's? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, one of my favorite pizzas in new york. but then you're eating chili dogs. it's supposed to be skyline, which i've been to in cincinnati, right? >> so good. >> jimmy: the conies, or what are they called? >> cheese conie. >> jimmy: cheese conies, yep. >> so it's -- yeah, you've got the chili and the cheese -- >> jimmy: they love with the -- they get weird things over there. i remember going to cincinnati and i got spaghetti with chili on the spaghetti. >> yes.
>> jimmy: anyone ever had that? [ cheers ] >> i forget -- >> jimmy: all right, slow down sir. that guy was too aggressive. [ laughter ] i just ate it five minutes ago man. all right, chill out. [ light laughter ] i'll get norbert butz on to you man. you better watch your back. [ laughter ] but gosh, right from the first -- form the opening scene 'til the end i'm following the whole thing. is there spoilers? do you want to give anything away? just want to go see the show? >> um -- >> jimmy: can you say what it's about, or you can't really? >> yeah, i mean, it's a comedy but there's a -- there's a lot of heavy themes. >> jimmy: heavy themes, yeah. you're brother comes home. you live at home and he comes 'cause he's stressed out. something went on with his marriage. with whatever -- with something. he did something wrong. >> he did something really wrong. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and here's what makes it great. you stress out. you open the fridge and pull out a box of franzia wine. and there you go. that's what i'm talking about. that almost got a standing ovation when i was there. it was so good. >> who knew? >> jimmy: i know. it was the best. you know, we were laughing so hard. it was like, oh my gosh. it was just, everyone relates to franzia. that was my first experience to wine, i think. [ laughter ]
>> i think it's everyone's. >> jimmy: i think when i went -- when i went to college i got one of those box of wine and then the older i got i got actually a bottle. a glass bottle of wine and i put it in the fridge. and i remember thinking like, you shouldn't put wine in the fridge. and like, yeah, you do. duh. [ laughter ] >> i know. and then you're like, wine isn't even supposed to taste that good. >> jimmy: yeah, it's so good. it's delicious. >> what are you talking about. >> jimmy: oh, franzia's the best. [ light laughter ] every time you're here i -- we always like to try to play games or something fun. do you want to play a little game when we come back? >> yes, i do. >> jimmy: all right, very good. katie holmes and i are playing charades when we come back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ quarterback ] set...hut! [ grunting ] [ crowd cheers ] [ male announcer ] clay matthews is turning the nfl upside-down. turn your world upside down with gillette fusion proglide because you can shave against the grain with comfort. only proglide has gillette's thinnest blades, for less tug and pull,
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. i'm here with the great katie holmes, and we are going to play charades. we recruited a couple of audience members as teammates. i will be playing with jordan right here, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and katie will be playing with will, right over there. very good, will. ♪ [ applause ] good luck to you guys. now, all you need is to know how to play charades. katie and i will give each other
silent clues to our teammates. 45 seconds on the clock per turn. me and you, you and will. first two rounds are worth one point each, third round is the charade show down. [ audience oohs ] where our teammates will get the same clue to give at the same time. [ light laughter ] whoever guesses it first gets two points and the victory. may the best team win. katie, you can go first and we'll sit down. >> do i pick one? >> jimmy: we'll go over jordan. yeah -- oh, yeah. audience can help out if you want. >> i want to pick this one. >> jimmy: okay. pick that one. you're very confident. you're very confident. >> oh, god. [ laughter ] okay. how long do i have? 45 seconds? >> jimmy: yes, 45 seconds. >> oh, god. okay. >> jimmy: and you can say what it is first. if it's a book, a movie, a tv show. >> can i ask a question? >> jimmy: just hum. start humming to yourself. >> okay. >> jimmy: are you ready?
you can do this. >> yeah. ready? okay. >> song. >> okay. >> first word. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ow! ouch. >> punch. punch, hit. >> yes. >> okay. second word. hit me baby one more time! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: no, no. >> yes. no. hit me, hit me -- hit me. hit me, shoot me. hit me. hit me -- shoots. shot. shot. punch me. >> jimmy: what is wrong with you? [ laughter ] don't hit me again. >> um -- um -- hit me. hit me one shot. [ buzzer ] [ audience ohs ] >> do you know? [ jimmy singing ] ♪ hit me with your best shot ♪ ♪ why don't you hit -- >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. will, you're going to kill --
please, no please. you were great. all right, jordan, did you know that one? yeah, you did? you did not know that one. all right, here we go. audience. [ audience yelling ] [ cheers and applause ] got it. got it. i got it! i got it! i got it! i got it! i -- it's not even a song. all right, ready? all right, ready? >> movie. two words. [ laughter ] scary movie? >> jimmy: what? >> scary movie? >> jimmy: scary movie? >> oh, "scream" "scream ii." "scream iii." is it a movie? oh, "home alone." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i was like -- scary movie? is it twisted face, the guy.
the mask. all right, charade showdown, you guys go up. it's you guys go up, you read the same clue, you give charades to us and whoever gets it wins the whole thing. >> okay, okay. >> so we're guessing? >> jimmy: yeah. we're guessing. here we go. >> okay. got it. [ audience yelling ] >> jimmy: what do you mean? you say yes too, jordan. >> yes! so excited. >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. obviously you have to read it, will. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ready, go? six words. television show. >> television show. >> jimmy: second word. me. "late night with jimmy fallon." host. male. boy. >> oh, oh, oh. american band stand. >> jimmy: six words. "so you think you can dance." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh, katie holmes, everybody. give it up.
[ cheers and applause ] will, good try. jordan, well done, my friend. go see the great, the beautiful, the talented katie holmes in "dead accounts" at the music box theater right here in new york. she's great. jeff bezos joins us next. come on back, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ "ever ask somebody to lend you a foot?" "who thinks about stuff like that?" "vince mahe grew up on two continents... and noticed that wherever you go, people have their hands full, but their feet free." "the result? a liftgate you operate with your foot." "code name?" "open sesame" "the all new twenty thirteen ford escape. it's what happens when you go further." because it helps you keep doing what you love. no wonder it's america's #1 selling pain reliever.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is the founder and ceo of amazon.com, the world's largest online retailer. he is the man responsible for the amazon kindle, and we are announcing it for the first time anywhere. he is "fortune" magazine's 2012 business person of the year. please welcome jeff bezos! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: jeff bezos. [ cheers and applause ] congratulations. >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: how does it feel to be "fortune" magazine's 2012 business person of the year? >> i got to tell you, we are having -- we're having a lot of fun at amazon. we're inventing new things. it feels great. >> jimmy: and it's crazy. i mean, amazon started in -- is it '94? >> '94. >> jimmy: 1994.
>> we opened our doors in july of '95. we weren't very organized. we were, like, just me and two other people packing boxes in our kind of garage warehouse. in fact, at one point, i said, you know, we could really improve our productivity. this is killing my knees down here on these cement floors. we should get kneepads. >> jimmy: that was your idea? >> yeah, that was my idea. the others looked at me and said, "jeff, you're the stupidest person. we should get packing tables, not knee pads." [ laughter ] doubled our productivity overnight. packing tables. brilliant. real good, yeah. >> jimmy: so, wait. so, what would you do? you would work out of your garage with your buddies, and you would go, "what do you guys want to order?" and then you would go pick up the stuff, pack the stuff and ship it? >> we had it shipped to us, and then we shipped it to the customers. my wife and i drove the packages to the post office every night, filled -- in the back of my chevy blazer. >> jimmy: no way. >> so that was 18 years ago. a lot has happened since then. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and then -- just so exciting. this is a great story. and then what happens when, like, all of a sudden -- so, you
are doing that, and then all of a sudden you start creating products? >> yeah, and that's a big change. >> jimmy: kindle. kindle, which i love. >> well, thank you. bless you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. thank you. don't worry about it. that's a missionary piece. but, you know, we've been selling e-books for a long time, and you needed an electron microscope to find the sales. nobody was coming. >> jimmy: what would you read them on? you read them on your -- >> on your computer, your laptop. and nobody wanted to do that, so we realized we needed to build a device, and that's what was the genesis of kindle. and as soon as we released that kindle one five years ago, e-book sales exploded. >> jimmy: i mean, exploded. it's, like, beyond belief. i mean, i just -- i download them all the time, and i get -- the thing i like about it -- i don't know if this was you idea or whatever, but the fact that -- it has to be your idea. the fact that it's not shiny, and it looks like paper and you can read it outside. and you don't have to strain your eyes or move it out of the way. you can just go, like, oh, yeah, this is like having paper. it's just -- why didn't anyone think about that? >> that paper white display -- you can read it in direct sunlight.
people who see it the first time do a double take. >> jimmy: it's amazing. >> but, i mean, by the way, it's not just my idea. it's a big team of people. >> jimmy: i know, yeah, yeah. sure, i know. i was just kidding. i was just joking. but now you have tonight -- you're going to show us the kindle fire hd 8.9-inch tablet. >> yeah this is our -- this is the big tablet. we also have a 7-inch tablet. >> jimmy: but this is -- look at this. [ cheers and applause ] that is the way to go. come on. look at that guy. this is what you're doing now. you started in your house with your wife, packing boxes. now you're creating this. this is so wild. >> well, thank you. we're very proud of it. there's a lot of -- what we do is we sell the device near breakeven, so we can pack a lot of sophisticated technology into what is a very low-priced device. so, you know, the kindle fire 7-inch is $199, and the 8.9-inch is $299. so we can really get a lot in there. >> jimmy: and when does this come out, this guy? >> start shipping today. >> jimmy: oh, really? [ cheers ] you can get it right now? you can get it today? >> yep. [ applause ]
>> jimmy: it's kind of crazy, i think, as a businessman to even think -- even try to even go near apple. i wouldn't even think to touch apple. whatever apple does, i go, i'm getting out of that business. i'm going to get into the, you know, slushie business. [ laughter ] or whatever. anything else besides that. i wouldn't get into that. but, i mean, what do you think of apple? do you talk to anyone over at apple? >> you know, huge company, super successful, have a lot of admiration for them. but we have a very different approach. you know, what we're trying to do is we have the deeply integrated -- the amazon constant ecosystem. the music, the e-books, prime instant video, all of these things that we built into that device. so, we're trying to sell a service, not exclusively a hardware device. and because we're selling e-books and music and other things -- apps, games -- on this device, we can sell the device at near breakeven. we're not trying to make all the money when we sell the device. >> jimmy: so you're not making money off the device, per se. >> not off the device, but later, people buy e-books. then that's when we hope to make a profit. >> jimmy: a-ha.
very good. see, why you're business person of the year. yeah. and so when is -- there's rumors going around, but when is the amazon smartphone come out? >> you know, i can't tell you. >> jimmy: oh, come on. [ laughter ] but it's brewing. it's in the works, right? >> well, i don't even want to speculate on whether -- >> jimmy: is it see-through? is it see-through? >> jimmy, i would love to talk -- >> jimmy: you can see through the whole thing. how about this? it's shaped like a hand, and it's -- [ laughter ] so you can just -- you can be on the phone the whole time. at school, put it in your sleeve. just think about it. see, this is why i never -- i never did well in school. >> we are looking for -- we're looking for product designers. >> jimmy: yeah, you've not responded back to my resume at all. [ laughter ] every single time. you're just, "please leave us alone," in fact, at one point. got ask you another thing, too. i know you can't really talk about it much, but there's also this thing -- was it blue -- blue origin? >> yeah, blue origin. it's a space company. >> jimmy: yes! yes!
that's what i'm talking about. that's why i love you, jeff bezos. you go, "yeah, i'm packing boxes and i'm shipping gear." now you're creating, like, spaceships. >> yes. >> jimmy: i love this. >> yes. and we just had a pad escape test that went beautifully. >> jimmy: how do you test that pad escape? like, in the backyard? >> well, there are only two problems with space travel. it's dangerous and expensive. we're trying to solve those two problems. >> jimmy: yeah, please. >> so we're working on it step by step. and it's a great team of people. we have a crew capsule that we just tested its escape motor, and that test went extremely well. >> jimmy: you're a good man. and now, if -- i want to invite you back to the show, but i want to you to have to come back when the smartphone comes out. so, next year? [ laughter ] >> i'll tell you what. we'll do the next show in zero gravity. how about that? >> jimmy: hey, i'll do that. deal. yeah, let's do that. done deal. i love that. thank you. jeff bezos, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] congratulations. 2012 business person of the year. the new kindle fire hd 8.9-inch tablet starts shipping today, and his cover for "fortune" magazine hits newsstands november 19th. up next, comedian
[ male announcer ] mcdonald's new hot'n spicy mcchicken. tender, juicy chicken with a crispy, spicy coating. at only a dollar, it's spicy, not pricey. but only for a limited time. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a hilarious comic who just performed in front of a sellout crowd of over 12,000 people at the barclays center in brooklyn, new york. you can see him perform live sunday november 18th at the hp pavilion in san jose, california. please give it up for russell peters! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> hey. thank you. thank you. all right. all right. i'll get to this. you stop talking. i the youngest in my family. i have an older brother, he is six years older. being the youngest in an indian family is horrible, because growing up i thought my family was really poor it turns out my dad was just too cheap to do things twice. icecapades came to town when i was a kid. and i was like dad can we go see icecapades. my dad was like, "no." i was like why not? "i've seen it." [ laughter ] when in the hell did you see it? "i took your brother." where was i? "you weren't born yet." well, how is that my fault? "you need to time things better." i have a daughter now. i like my daughter. she's good.
you have kids, right? i'm assuming. well, this many brothers, somebody has to have a kid. [ laughter and applause ] there's enough roots to lay down some roots. you have a baby? were you in the room when they were born? >> absolutely. >> oh, man that's the most traumatic experience, if anybody's going to have kids, i know you don't have kids yet, jimmy, but if you do don't be in the room when they're born. it is horrible. it is like watching your favorite restaurant burn down. [ laughter and applause ] i mean, they'll rebuild it but, you know, i'm not eating there again. [ laughter and applause ] that menu's different. got a drive-thru now.
mexicans working in the back. it's not -- my daughter is half-latina and half me. and i want her to be bilingual because i don't know a second language. and so i told my ex-wife's family, because they all speak spanish. i said, hey, can you please just speak to the baby in spanish because i want her to learn spanish. "no problem. hey, dude, do you want us to teach her english, too?" you know what? i'll handle that if it's all right with you. there's no reason my daughter should be born in america and sound like an immigrant. that's not going to sound like anybody. i don't want her going, "dada, jou coming over?" no, sweetheart, no jews are coming over. my parents were immigrants. they left india in 1965 and they moved to canada, which is where i was born and raised by wolves. and my dad -- i don't know how thick my dad's accent was.
but, it never got thinner the whole time he was living there. like my dad had this ability to make everything sound indian, never mind words, my dad could make sounds have an accent. like any immigrant can screw up -- my dad would screw up sounds. one time, his car broke down, and he calls and goes, "son, the car is broken down." i go, what is wrong? "i don't know." well, what were you doing? "i don't know. i was driving." i go, what's wrong with the car? "if i knew that, i'd be a metchanic." what the hell is metchanic? "the guy that fixes the car." i think you mean mechanic. "don't be stupid. there is no 'k' in it." i go, what were you doing when your car broke down? "i was making the turn." you were making the turn? what does that mean, "you were making the turn"? were you out there creating turns? "i was not creating the turn, the turn existed and i was making it." [ laughter ] you can't make something that was already made. "i did not make it. i was making it."
[ laughter ] i used to know how to push his buttons. you want to get an indian person upset, tell him he did something illegal. "dad, this was legal?" "of course it was legal! [ laughter and applause ] it was totally legal! i was at an intersection. i put on my indicator." [ laughter ] and this is where my dad screws up the sound. i go, did your indicator work? he goes, "it goes work just fine" -- [ turn signal noise ] i go, what the hell is that noise? "that is my indicator." why does your indicator have an accent? you know it's not an india-cater right? i go, okay, then what happened? "then i preceded to make the turn and then suddenly the car went" -- [ engine sputters ] your car did what? "the engine, it went" -- [ engine sputters ] so what you're trying to tell me that your indicator went --