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tv   Late Night With Jimmy Fallon  NBC  August 20, 2013 12:35am-1:35am EDT

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- [screams] - [sighs] - how could you do this to me? he's my boss! how many times have i complained about him to you? no, i am not being dramatic, you are being crazy! - ♪ who wants a hot chocolate? ♪ - thank you. - [sighs] oh, so dwight gave me this wooden mallard as a gift, and i found a recording device in it. yes. so i think if i played it just right, i can get dwight to live out the plot of national treasure. - you need to be more upset about this. she's your mother too now. your mother is sleeping with michael scott. - andy, can i talk to you for a second? - sure thing, tuna boss.
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how may i be of service to you? - i am gonna need your advice. [plays opera music] ♪ i was thinking of getting this opera for dwight's birthday. what do you think? ♪ - this aria is a joke. - really? - what are you thinking? ♪ - i was gonna go with this one. - let me tell you something. if you respect him at all, you will get him something better. ♪ - bernard dog, what was that all about? - [chuckling] i know, right? - what were you guys talking about in there? - trust me, it would only make you mad.
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♪ - due to a certain recent incident, corporate has asked all the branches to come up with ideas as to how we can better communicate with our communities. - is this because of the 60 minutes segment about working conditions in our peruvian paper mill? - that was a hit job. if you read the dunder mifflin press release, it clearly states that they had absolutely nothing to do with that particular cancer cluster. so if there is a lesson to be learned here, and i'm not sure that there is, it is that in order to help our communities, we need to put other peoples' needs ahead of our own. - [laughs sarcastically] - and whoever comes up with the best idea gets a $50 gift certificate to the restaurant of his or her choice. [all voice approval] - good, good. okay, who wants to help the world one step at a time? all right, good.
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- volunteerism is important. every weekend i volunteer at the local animal shelter, and they need a lot of help down there. last sunday i had to put down over 150 pets all by myself. - all right. that's-- - paint a mural of chicano leaders. - all right. - i have a way to make scranton a better place. you could leave it. [laughter, oohs] - okay, i'm outta here. see you later, guys. - and stay out. - promise to write. - oh, no, here's an idea. conservation. - i love it. conservation. let's start by conserving our time and stop having these stupid meetings. no more meetings! no more meetings! no more meetings! no more meetings! - anybody else? who else has an idea? - i have some ideas about conservation. [ring tone plays] - angela. - thank you. - please. - hold down the fort. hey, boo. - first of all, i think that... - what's--why are you crying? - yes, and i think we should look into that. - shh. - what--what did she say to you? - speak up louder. - well, our profit and loss-- - shh! - no, i'll talk to her.
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i will--no, nobody talks to my baby that way. uh-uh. yeah, i'll let you know how it goes. all right. bye, pickle. - who's "pickle"? - pamela morgan beesly, you need to apologize to your mother right now. - i'm sorry, i was told i had the floor. - yes. - whoa, hold on. what's going on? - nothing. nothing at all. it's all good. - i'm not apologizing to anyone. michael owes me an apology. - for trying to find happiness in the arms of a lover? - don't call my mother your lover! - ooh, yes! [all ooh] that's what i'm talking about. - that is not okay, dude. - all right, in my defense... - disgusting. - that's messed up, man. - yes, thank you. welcome to my personal hell. - you have no sense of boundaries, michael. - shut up, oscar. hey, all right, you know what? clearly i'm outnumbered here. but could i just say one thing? please? what is so wrong about me? i'm caring. i'm generous. i'm sensual. is it really so horrible
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that i could possibly go out and find happiness? - good luck, michael. i hope you find what you're looking for. - maybe you're right. who are we to-- - shut up, oscar. what is wrong with all of you? he is sleeping with my mother! - i don't think there's a whole lot of sleeping going on. - let's get back to the matter at hand. - whatever. you know. sleep with my mom, sleep with everybody's mom. - no, no, no, no. - whoa, that's my mom you're talking about. - i don't like the tone here. this is a place of business. you are to listen to others, you are to give others respect, and you are to keep your personal issues out of it. - [laughs] oh, my god, you are ridiculous! - do not talk to me that way! i am your boss, and i may someday be your father, so get out. - you are never gonna be my father. you get out. - i hope that you are willing to die in this office, because i am. - me too.
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[ superfan ] helper help line. we're on our way. you have got to try this sweet & sour chicken helper. i didn't know they made chicken! crunchy taco or four cheese lasagna? there's 40 different flavors? that's really good. i love cheese. dad's night. helper makes daddy the man. yes. could i get another one of those, actually? thank you. [ male announcer ] hey, america, we're here to help.
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we're here to help. he wasn't getting the necessary nutrients, so my pediatrician recommended pediasure. [ male announcer ] pediasure is a source of complete, balanced nutrition to help support healthy growth and development.
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pediasure. the #1 pediatrician recommended brand. - hey. - hey. - pam, how's your day going? - pam, just for the record, i think you're overreacting a little bit. your mom's old enough to make her own decisions. - oh, well, thanks, oscar. i was just wondering, how would you feel if michael was sleeping with your mom? - my mother's in a wheelchair. - well, he could still... i'm sorry about that. - wow. - o could i just get you to sign this second page as well? - ryan, i have to ask you a personal question. do you think that i should get a fedora? - uh, i don't think so, no. - why? i think i'd look really hot in one. where'd you get your fedora? - i'd rather not say. - you think i'm gonna get the same fedora as you? - hey, dwight. - shh. - i think i would look really cute... - it has to go with the persona that you already have. - but i-i think i have that persona. - where did you get that mallard? - what the hell is a mallard? - that! - oh, professor damon d. duck. jim gave him to me. - okay, i gave that to him as a gift.
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i'm taking that back. - if you take it back i'll scream. - [sighs] i'll give you five bucks for it. - 20. - ten. - deal. - you're so cool. - this reminds me, you owe me three bucks for gas. - hey, toby, could i talk to you for a minute? - yeah, sure. what's up? - um, i just wanted to apologize for taking that tone with you earlier. that was uncalled for. i'm sorry. - uh, yeah, that means a lot. thank you for saying it. - can i sit down for a second? - yeah, or pull up a chair and sit. or on the shredder. - [clears throat] [plastic creaking] this is gonna sound weird, but i think i may be the victim of a hostile work environment with this whole pam situation. - should probably deal with that outside of the workplace. - she brought it into thworkplace, so i feel like it has to be dealt with here. - yeah. okay, well, i mean, i could talk to her. - reallywould you do that? - well, yeah.
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that's why--that's why they pay me the big bucks. - [laughs] you're a good, good guy. - um, okay. you know, i always knew if michael just took the time to get to know me we'd become friends. hey, pam. could i talk to you for a sec? - sure. what's up? - well, i was hoping that maybe in light of everything that's happened today it'd be a good idea for you and me and michael to head into the conference room for some conflict resolution. - what's the matter, can't fight your own battles? - no. that's... - i think you should just take the rest of the day off. - oh, would that make you feel better? - i don't--i'm-- i can't hear your conversation. - you can tell michael that i'm not leaving. - [sighs] buddy, i think that we can't make her leave, so... - yeah, yeah, you're-- okay, you're a jackass. hey. hey, you know what? your just as stubborn as your mother. when you don't want to do something, you just don't do it.
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- [laughs] - michael, you're just her rebound! - you were right, jim, i should've listened to you. should never have told her. - what? you knew? - [scoffs] barely. i... i don't have all the facts. [goofy voice] frank and beans... - okay. do you want me to stop dating your mom? is that how we're gonna get past this? 'cause i will. - mmm...yes. - well, that is not gonna happen! - then why'd you even offer? - because i assumed that you want me to be happy because i want you to be happy. - michael, let me make this very easy for you. i could give a [bleep] about your happiness! stop dating my mother! - you know what? i'm gonna start dating her even harder. - what's that supposed to mean? - you know what it means. - [breathes deeply] - hey. - shove it.
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- i don't need to be friends with pam. i have plenty of female friends. my mom, pam's mom, my aunt-- although she just blocked me on i.m. what's-her-face from quiznos. i see her four times a week. - [quietly] dwight, you brought the mallard back. - well, i had to. i mean, kelly was not-- - [whispers] hi, buddy. - [sighs] i'm sorry. - a wooden duck? - mallard. i put it in your office in order to surveil you. i was jealous that you got the promotion over me. - okay, just to be clear, you're terrible at this, and you're not equipped for espionage. - oh, i'm equipped. i can es-- - nope. - don't tell michael.
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- i won't, but you will wash and buff our car. - punishment fits the crime. i accept. - good night, everyone. good night, pam. thanks again for the rum. - night, michael. - good night, erin. - hey, pam, can i see you for a second? so dwight heard you were having a really rough day, so he generously offered to wash our car. - aww, he did that for me? - yes. he did. you know what was nice? night swimming in bio bay. - mm. - remember that older couple whose kids were also named jim and pam? - yeah. oh... say more nice things. - well, we went on a segway tour. and we're awesome at it. - yes, we are. - [goofy voice] and frank and beans.
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- maybe i'm overreacting. - yeah. maybe. - but i don't think i am. - you're not. nope. - [sighs] - nope.
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cñoacp mommy! i went potty! that's great, honey... where? for life's bleachable moments. - [grunts] - [jim's voice] we have our high-quality 28-pound bond,
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our heavier 38-pound bond, or our s-- - i've got eight hours of this. and of course i wanted jim to find the mallard. make him feel safe. did you really think i would put my primary listening device in a wooden mallard? i'm not insane. - 65-pound cover stock, which is the heaviest paper that will still feed smoothly through your desktop printer. you know, from our 4,000 television commercials. yep, there i am with flo. hoo-hoo! watch it! [chuckles] anyhoo, 3 million people switched to me last year, saving an average of $475. [sigh] it feels good to help people save... with great discounts like safe driver, multicar, and multipolicy.
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so call me today. you'll be glad you did. cannonbox! [splash!]
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there you go. oh. [snickering] nice dress, ryan. it's not a dress. it's a kurta. [laughing] okay. tonight, one of our most ethnic coworkers, kelly, has invited us all to a diwali celebration put on by her community. what is diwali, you may ask? well, to have kelly explain it,
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[high voice] "it's..." [gibberish] "it's so super, fun. and it's gonna be great." a lot of gods with unpronounceable names. 20 minutes later, you find out that it's essentially a hindu halloween. you look so handsome. you really do. i love the material. i know. how come you didn't get me one? i... [piano rock] ♪ okay, so between meredith's minivan, and if i borrow bob's yukon, that should fit about 12 people. i actually might not go. i'm feeling kind of tired. do you wanna make appletinis and watch sex and the city at my place? oh, i don't know. i haven't decided yet. i don't get why you won't go.
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did i do something wrong? i mean, i thought we were really close friends. i just feel kind of tired, you know. maybe you've got mono. maybe. i just... i don't really have anyone to go with. well, go with dwight. he's single too right? yeah, totally single. 100% available. are you guys going to this indian thing tonight? i don't know. who's, uh, who's going? mean, like, is pam going? don't go. they eat monkey brains. (michael) hey, hey, hey, stop that. that is offensive. indians do not eat monkey brains. and if they do... sign me up. because i am sure that they are very tasty. and nutritional. it's important that this company celebrates its diversity. and you know what, stanley? come kwanzaa time, i have got you covered, baby. i don't celebrate kwanzaa. wha--really? you should. it's fun.
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i love the people here. and if there was one thing i don't really care for, is that they can be terribly, terribly ignorant about other cultures. and i don't want them embarrassing me in front of my girlfriend carol. diwali is a very important holiday for the hindus. but, frankly, i'm a little appalled that none of you know very much about indian culture. so without further adieu, kelly! you are on. um, diwali is awesome. and there's food, and there's gonna be dancing. and, oh, i got the raddest outfit. it has sparkles-- kelly... um, why don't you tell us a little bit about the origins of the holiday? oh, um, i don't know. it's really old, i think. how many gods do you have? like hundreds, i think. maybe more than that. and that blue, busty gal-- what's her story? (kevin) she looks like pam
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from the neck down. (dwight) pam wishes. [laughter] kelly, i'll take this one. diwali is a celebration of the coronation of the god king rama after his epic battle with ravena, the demon king of lanka. it symbolizes the battle between good and evil. all right, all right. this isn't lord of the rings. hey, polly. oops, sorry. i started biking to work. josh does it. and he lives a lot farther away than i do. and also, it saves gas money. it keeps me in shape. helps the environment. and now i know it makes me really sweaty for work. nice basket. thank you. now, a lot of people say that kelly is one in a million. and that's true, but it's also not true. because, frankly, there are literally billions of people just like kelly in the world. here are some famous indians.
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subrahmanyan chandrasekhar. he is a nobel-prize-winning physicist. impressive. apu, from the simpsons. hilarious indian. m. night shyamalan. the village, unbreakable, sixth sense. i see dead people. okay! spoiler alert. he was dead the whole time. just stop it! what's-- oh, wha-- [laughs] where did that come from? karen, my chips got stuck in the vending machine again. i need your... skinny little arms. oh. did you shake it? yeah, i shook it, i shook it. we have such a roller coaster thing, karen and i. excuse me? roller-coastery friendship. hot and cold. on again, off again. sexual-tension-filled type of deal.
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it's very sam and diane. wow. from cheers. yep. yeah. and another thing about the indian people, they love sex positions. i present to you the kama sutra. i mean, look at that. who has seen that before? i have, that's the union of the monkey. oh, that's what they call it. this is the best meeting we have ever had. (michael) thank you, kevin. i find this incredibly offensive. well, i find it beautiful. well, whatever kelly wants to do in her own house is fine. but we shouldn't all be subjected to it. actually, she's right. this isn't appropriate. why don't i take these? (michael) you're not gonna collect them. no, this is delightful, charming culture. my indian cultural seminar was going great until toby decided that he was too immature to deal with culturally explicit images. it's just sex, people. everybody does it. i'm doing it with carol. probably tonight.
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all right. i think you guys should be all set. oh, here's the corporate card for dinner. thanks. now, karen... let's keep it to $20 a person this time. got it. once a quarter, the sales staff at this branch has to stay late to do order form consolidation. which...amazingly, is even less interesting than it sounds. you guys ready to party? what's that? i said, are you ready to part-ay! [indian music] ♪ isn't this fun, not wearing shoes? i wish some of us still had our shoes on. stop it. it's a disease. i've...told you. i thought you said this was a costume party. what does that look like to you? an indian woman in a sari. no one's even gonna notice it.
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nice outfit. hey, kevin, it's a costume. you just cool it, okay? carol? carol. [ man ] she yours? yeah. my first. congratulations, she's beautiful. oh, she's so sweet. thanks. your applewood pulled pork with extra pickles sir. ahh, she is perfect. [ male announcer ] new subway applewood pulled pork. tender pork n' rich barbecue sauce, bursting with sweet, smoky applewood flavor. get it before it's gone. subway. eat fresh. ♪ [ camera shutter snaps ] ♪ license and registration please. what's this? uhh, it's my geico insurance id card, sir. it's digital, uh, pretty cool right? maybe. you know why i pulled you over today? because i'm a pig driving a convertible? tail light's out.. fix it.
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digital insurance id cards. just a click away with the geico mobile app. i'll have one of those as well. thank you very much. now, these are limes, lemons, onions. i'm a vegetarian. what can i eat? it's all vegetarian. i'll just have some bread. you used your hands. oh, yuck. oh. [gagging] what, is it too spicy? no. these s'mores are disgusting. they're not s'mores. they're samosas. do you think they have any s'mores? all they are is chocolate, graham cracker, and marshmallow. how difficult would that have been?'re kelly's sisters, huh? [giggles] [speaking native language] [all laugh] what? rupa, neefa, tiffany,
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stop acting like such little losers, and just be cool. come on, ryan. come on. leave him alone. i hate you guys. they said something about zach braff. don't even listen to them. no, you know... that's very official. i decided to come. uh, i feel a little underdressed. but at least i'm not dressed like a slutty cheerleader, right? is that mean? [indian music] ♪ temp! temp! [makes farting noises] i don't even wanna hear it, okay?
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stop it right now. ryan is a temporary worker, makes no money. wali is a whole doctor, so handsome, makes good money. you think i wanna date a doctor? he's a perfect match. hey, big tuna, you ready? yep. [british accent] one, two, three. shot! [splat] ohh! holy mother of god. ooh, that burns. golly! it's good. whew. [beyonce's crazy in love] ♪ so crazy, my baby ♪ i'm not myself lately ♪ i'm foolish, i don't do this ♪ ♪ i been playin' myself ♪ baby, i don't care ♪ 'cause your love's got the best of me ♪ ♪ and, baby, you're making a fool of me ♪ [indian music] wow, 30 years! and you two only met once before the wedding night. yes.
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wow. how long have you been married to the cheerleader? oh... she's not a cheerleader. she thought this was a costume party. um, no, we're not married. yet! she's very fair. she is very fair. very fair and very kind. so, um, tell me, is your marriage the kind of thing where when you die, she has to throw herself on a fire? no? okay. it's still very cool. okay, thanks. one, two, three. chug! [splat] ooh! [indian music] ♪ are you okay? i'm gonna be.
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hi. i'm just gonna... just a sec, just a sec. um, everyone. i'm sorry, could i have your attention, please? [music stops] thank you. ha ha! hi! sorry, i just have an announcement to make. um... okay. i have learned a lot about indian culture tonight. but i have learned even more about love. and i know you're all thinking, "who is this crazy gringo, and what is he talkin' about?" well, i'm not crazy. maybe i'm crazy in love. so, without further adieu, carol... carol stills... i would like you... to do me the honor of making me your husband. [all gasp] oh, michael. what do you say?
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can we talk about this in private? i didn't hear you. [loudly] can we talk about this in private? [mumbles] oh, you gotta be kidding me. [whispers] okay. [door closes] [microphone thuds] [phone rings] [phone rings] [man squeals in pain] hello? two years is too long to wait. upgrade when you want, not when you're told. get the samsung galaxy s4 for zero down at participating t-mobile stores now.
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married to morty kaufman. [ lee ] now that i'm getting older some things are harder to do. this is not a safe thing to do. be careful babe. there should be some way to make it easier.
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[ doorbell rings ] let's open it up and see what's cookin'. oh i like that. look at this. it'got a handle on it. i don't have to climb up. this yellow part up here really catches a lot of the dust. did you notice how clean it looks? morty are you listening? morty? [ morty ] i'm listening! i want you to know.
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morty are you listening? morty? he wasn't getting the necessary nutrients, so my pediatrician recommended pediasure. [ male announcer ] pediasure is a source of complete, balanced nutrition to help suort healthy growth and development. pediasure. the #1 pediatrician recommended brand. no, i get it. i get it. you're not ready. we'll wait. this is our ninth date, michael. well, yeah, but i-- i feel like i've known you many lifetimes. maybe i'm hindu after all. okay, i'm not hindu. but...carol... carol, i just feel like-- i just like you so much. i'd better go. okay? you can find a way home, all right? yes. okay. okay. okay. good night. hey, you know what? why don't i come with you? 'cause i've got this book called the kama sutra.
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okay, good night, michael. all right. good night. well, i was a temp, but i got promoted. so, um...the compensation is a lot more competitive. so you're saving money now to start a family and home? oh, um, or travel. and, um, and buy an xbox. is there anything you wanted to ask us tonight? can you believe my boss proposed to his girlfriend in public? that is so michael. is it? he's really outgoing, huh? yeah. hey, would you excuse me for a second? okay. [sighs] it's hot in there. how's the naan? dry. you looked like you were having fun. i am. you should come dance with us.
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i have to watch our shoes, so they don't get stolen. who are you texting? no one. [phone vibrating] ♪ i went to the doctor ♪ i went to the mountains ♪ i looked to the children andy, no a cappella. ♪ i looked to the children ♪ i drank from the fountain (andy and jim) ♪ there's more than one answer ♪ to your questions ♪ pointing me in crooked line ♪ wait, wait. ♪ the less i seek my source oh, come on, guys, please. ♪ the closer i am to fine ♪ closer i am to fine it's not good. tuna! are you kidding me?! ohh!
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oh, my god. [coughing] oh! wow! here. that's so spicy. yeah. ohh. you waiting for a call? uh, no. wow. [exhales hoarsely] pam... when carol said no tonight, i think i finally realized how you must be feeling. we are both the victims of broken engagements. well, you were never really engaged. i was in that marriage arena, though. yeah. yeah. ohh...well. i kind of thought something would happen tonight too.
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we're so alike. so alike. what are you doing? what are you doing? i'm rejecting your kiss. what? i didn't... [scoffs] [scoffs] i wa... can i have a ride home? if you sit in the back. good night, guys. hey, can i have a ride, man? i, uh, i have my bike.
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no way, dude. i am not driving home. i brought an inflatable bed for just such occasions. you're welcome to share it, though. it's a roomy twin. okay. [groans] [car horn honks] hey, dummy, get in the car. i'm a drunk driver. yes, you are. here, let me take that. just, uh, get in the car. you can really hold your liquor, though, really. yeah, you can't. [laughs] okay. and i am just going to lie down in the back, if that's all right.
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sure. here's your...bag. just don't puke on anything. you okay? so good. good. these are not my shoes. this is just like that show taxi cab confessions. if you say one more word, i'm stopping the car. sorry.
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[ male announcer ] but it won't last forever. this is going out to indians everywhere. [strums guitar] it's a tribute to one of the greats. mr. adam sandler. ♪ diwali is ♪ a festival of lights let me tell you something. tonight has been... ♪ one crazy night ♪ so put on your saris ♪ it's time to celebrate diwali ♪ ♪ everybody looks so jolly ♪ but it's not christmas, it's diwali ♪ ♪ the goddess of destruction, kali ♪ ♪ stopped by to celebrate diwali ♪ ♪ don't invite any zombies ♪ to our celebration of diwali ♪ ♪ along came polly
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♪ to have some fun at diwali ♪ if you're indian and you love to party ♪ ♪ have a happy, happy ♪ happy, happy diwali happy diwali! [cheers and applause] captioning by brian at captionmax
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>> i remember nights where i would go to sleep, and i would pray that i wouldn't wake up. i never considered suicide because it was against my religion. i got up every morning. i was sick. i'd have panic attacks. i'd take a shower,
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i would get dressed, and i would go to work. and then when i got home, i would get in my pajamas, and i would lay on the couch, and i would just wait. "i'm done. please, just let me go." i look back on that, and it's-- it makes me so sad. [dramatic music] ♪ >> oh, it's absolutely terrifying because you're no longer the person that you used to be. you're starting to become this person that's terrified of everything. i couldn't leave my home, and i would go into panic and have anxiety at work. i would quit my jobs because i was embarrassed. i was afraid that someone would find out that, you know, i'm hiding behind the filing cabinet having an anxiety attack, and i didn't want everybody to think i was crazy, 'cause that's what you think you're doing: you're going crazy. >> as i was going through life and evything like that, "boom, boom, boom, boom,"
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just this big old hammer just smacking down on me constantly. "you can't do this. you can't do that. don't go there. don't say that." all i was was a nail, and this big old hammer was just gonna pound me right into the ground, and it might have just been a huge-sized coffin that i was pounding these nails in, because that's how i felt. i just felt dead. dead inside. >> i was off duty for about four months. i had both my neck and my lower back operated on, and on the first day back in, i was the engineer, or driver. our first call came in, and i pulled out of quarters, and i got about two blocks away. and all of a sudden, i had to pull over, and the captain looked at me, and he said, "what's the matter?" and i said, "i think i'm gonna die." i said, "i'm having a heart attack or something." i said, "i'm dizzy. i feel like i'm gonna pass out." they called an ambulance out, and they took me to the hospital. and for the next six months, i went through a series of doctors trying to figure out what was wrong with me. i told my wife that since i couldn't drive fire trucks
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anymore that we were probably looking at a minimum pension and that we better sell everything we own and get debt-free so that our kids could go to school. so i did. i sold the dream home that my wife and i had built. >> i didn't really notice any bad symptoms of anxiety until i was, oh, maybe 65. well, i don't know what brought it on. it's like my life got littler and littler. >> it was right after high school that i started to have anxiety. i actually had a girlfriend who passed away in a car accident. i woke up in the middle of the night. i just couldn't breathe, and i actually went outside on my parents' deck, 'cause i just felt like i needed air. from then on, that is when i really knew that i was scared, and i didn't know why. >> i never wanted therapy. i never sought it. i really tried to just hope it'd all go away. i was just not wanting to live. i don't know that there was any answers out there for me. i absolutely had no hope up until this point. i didn't want to exist. i really didn't want to exist.
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>> i'm seeing the right doctors. i'm going to a psychiatrist. he tells me i'm not crazy. i'm going to a psychologist, and he's helping me the best that he can. i think i should get more help, but i'm getting the best that i can, and i'm getting worse. >> my daughter was living in ontario, and she was getting married, and they were having a shower for her. i was a nervous wreck knowing that, "how am i going to get on that plane?" and i was sitting there waiting for us to get ready for take-off. and it hit. it hit like the biggest storm ever. the sweat. the heart rate. the full-blown panic attack. and i just said to the stewardess, i said, "you have to get me off this plane. i am not going to be able to settle down." and then, like, i just started to scream, and i said, "you have to get me off the flight now, or we're gonnate pilot's gonna have to turn around and land somewhere, because i am not gonna be able to stay on this plane for 3/12 hours." and, i mean, i was embarrassed. i was crying, but i couldn't control the panic attack. the pilot said, "okay, fine.
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we have to get her off the flight." >> my mom would sit me down or tell me before i would leave that she might not be there when i got back. she would allude to the fact that she was going to kill herself. i thought it was my responsibility to make sure that those bad things that i feared did not happen, and that's when my panic attacks started. >> well, my self-esteem plummeted, and i lost all of my confidence. no independence. i just started to depend on people. i became a victim, you know. i just turned myself into a victim of these circumstances, and it was just an awful, awful feeling to be so powerless. and i figured, "this is just terrible. i'm 35 years old, and this it. this is gonna be for the rest of my life, and i hate it," but i sort of just started to accept it. >> i think i stayed in bed for, like, six months.
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i was just totally depressed. i didn't--i didn't want to live anymore because it was too painful to watch myself just basically fall apart. >> i became socially phobic. i was uncomfortable staying in other people's houses. i was uncomfortable traveling in other people's cars. and i lived in my own little world, and i didn't tell anyone. i would go to bed at night and just lie there and worry that i was gonna become possessed, that i was going to become mentally ill, or that i was gonna die of a terminal illness. those seemed to be my three fears at about 14. >> i think one of my biggest symptoms was, i felt kind of dizzy and light-headed, and i felt like i was gonna pass out. and my biggest fear was, "what if i pass out while i'm driving with my two young kids in the car?" and that scared the heck out of me. and even if i was in a store, i thought, "well, what if i pass out right here and then, you know, the ambulance has to come or something like that, and then my little daughter who's just two years old is standing there wondering
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what's happening to mommy? what if i never wake up? what if i end up in a mental institution?" i mean, all those things were going through my mind. >> after my first incident, where i had to stop driving the fire engine, i probably went through a dozen or more doctors. i was in a shop with a doctor. she was a specialist on balance and inner-ear problems. and she was having me do a bunch of balance tests, and they had strobe lights going and the whole bit. she finally stopped the whole thing, and she just kind of chuckled, and she said, "why are we doing this?" she says, "i know what's wrong with you." she says, "you're having panic attacks." i can remember i looked at her, and i went, "you're kidding, right?" i said, "do you know what i do for a living? i'm a fireman, so i'm not afraid of anything." i said, "do you know where i've been and what i've seen in my career and in my life?" and she said, "well, it's real common with motor officers, with firefighters, with soldiers." she says, "it's the stress that you're under that you don't realize." >> i work with couples and families and individuals, people who have problems
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in their relationships, people who have problems with anxiety and depression, addictions. i myself had anxiety disorder when i was in my 20s, and it kind of came on me very suddenly, and it was very debilitating. so i know the terrible feeling of anxiety disorder, the horrors of a panic attack. i've experienced that myself. >> the thing that alcohol did for me is, it numbed the depression. the depression was 24-7. i was able to work a job and really excel with it, because i had learned to be a hard worker. and once i got home, i had nowhere to turn. my mom was a nurse. pills were everywhere. in fact, when i started the program, my mom says, "why don't you just take a pill?" >> anxiety and depression are two of the main reasons people miss work, visit the family doctor, and take prescription medication. take control of your anxiety and depression, and you'll take control of your life. you'll think more clearly, have more energy, sleep better, and be happier.


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