tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC May 18, 2016 12:37am-1:38am EDT
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- the lonely island -- andy samberg, akiva schaffer, jorma taccone, star of "maggie's plan", actress greta gerwig, an all new "second chance theatre", featuring the 8g band with allison miller. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. kentucky and oregon both held their democratic primary elections today. bernie sanders said he thinks he can win both of them. and hillary clinton said, "how many damn states are there? this is dumb, and it should be over now!" [ laughter ]
experts are suggesting that donald trump's base of support may be much greater than polls are reporting, because some voters may be reluctant to admit to pollsters that they agree with trump's ideas. guys, that's a red flag. your president shouldn't be a guilty pleasure. [ light laughter ] "ugh, i know i should be getting a salad, but i'm just going to vote trump. i'm so bad right now." [ laughter ] shark tank star mark cuban said in an interview yesterday that he would vote for hillary clinton over donald trump saying, "the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know." or more accurately, the devil you know is better than, you know, the devil." [ laughter ] following the revelation that donald trump has used the alias john miller to pose as his own publicist in the early '90s, a new report has surfaced showing that trump also used the name donald barron as far back as 1980.
how is anyone so lazy they can only be bothered to change half their name when going undercover? unless he didn't decide that until halfway through that he wanted to do it. "yes, this is donald barron. a different donald. a different donald and now i can say whatever i want. like how i, donald, just saw donald trump, not me barron, in the office gym and if that boy ain't hung like a horse, then my name's not donald j. barron, which it is. and if you don't believe me, just ask my wife, melania jones." [ laughter and applause ] that's good object work. so good at object work. melania trump has given an exclusive interview to "du jour magazine" in which she shot down accusations that she avoids the public eye. saying, "i'm not shy, i know what i want." and if it's anything like trump's previous wives, i'm guessing half of everything. [ laughter and applause ]
authorities in spain are warning of a new trend called sex roulette parties in which one person in an orgy secretly has an std and no one is allowed to use condoms. that sounds like a made up story to me. there's no such thing as an orgy where only one person has an std. [ laughter and applause ] according to a new study, the average person spends 117 days of their life having sex and 30 seconds lying on surveys. [ light laughter ] that's right. a new study says the average person spends 117 days of their life having sex, which means at my current rate, i'm going to live to be 200. [ laughter and applause ] and finally, taco bell has released plans for a new restaurant designs including one called "heritage" which features ornate mexican tile, which means there will finally be something
mexican in taco bell. ladies and gentlemen, you are -- [ cheers and applause ] with no exaggeration, you are here on a fantastic night. i'm so excited about this. from the new film "pop star: never stop stopping." you know them as the lonely island. they are three of my best friends. andy samberg, akiva schaffer and jorma taccone are here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] also she is such a delight. she's in the new film "maggie's plan." greta gerwin is on the show. [ cheers and applause ] so happy to have her back. and for only the third time in the history of "late night", we will be doing "second chance theatre" where we take old "snl" sketches that got cut from dress and we give them a second chance here on the "late night" stage. [ cheers and applause ] so big night. so really big night. before we get to all of that, the white house on friday sent a letter to the nation's public schools with guidelines for how to treat transgender students.
and officials in texas and north carolina immediately lashed out against them. it's the latest chapter in the battle surrounding bathroom bills -- laws some states are passing requiring trans people to use public rest rooms that correspond to the gender on their birth certificate instead of the one with which they identify. to find out more, let's take a "closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: so, last week attorney general loretta lynch sent a letter to america's school districts outlining the new guidelines. and not everyone was excited to get it, especially texas governor greg abbott who tweeted, "i announce today that texas is fighting this. obama can't rewrite the civil rights act. he's not a king." oh, yeah? if he's not a king, then why does he have a jester? [ laughter ] but why -- why is everyone arguing about bathrooms now? well, it turns out this move is nothing new. in fact, fighting over bathrooms is the oldest move in the prejudice playbook. and if you're not into books it's also available as a digital download. [ light laughter ] america has a long history of
using bathrooms to scare people and it makes sense because bathrooms are pretty scary to begin with. you're cut off from the world, your pants are down, the lighting is terrible. nobody is excited for a curveball in the bathroom. and politicians are happy to exploit that fear, but first a little history. separate bathrooms for men and women began in the 1800s when women started working in factories. women needed bathrooms whereas men were shocked to learn that women even used bathrooms. they just assumed back then that everything women ate turned to babies. which is why, true story, to this day, we call children little [ bleep ] [ laughter and applause ] a historical fact. you can take that with you. but now, thanks to that, we have men and women's bathrooms in this country, which is why no woman has ever seen the top of act two at a broadway show. now, after the civil war, jim crow laws forced african-americans to use different bathroom than white americans. and then, in the 1980s, there was a movement to keep gay men from using public restrooms, because people were afraid
they'd catch aids from a toilet seat. of course, that can't happen. but based on the last time i was waiting for a bathroom at a restaurant, the thing people are catching on toilet seat is an entire episode of "game of thrones" on their iphone. [ laughter ] dude, there's like seven of us waiting out here! wrap it up. so telling a minority group that they're not allowed to use the same bathroom everyone else uses is a well-worn strategy used to make minorities feel like crap, pun intended. but proponents of the so-called bathroom bill don't want you to see their bills as prejudice, they want you to think they're trying to protect the children. >> as the father of daughters i'm not terribly excited. [ applause ] about men being able to go alone into a bathroom with my daughters. >> when you start bringing in 14-year-old boys with 14-year-old girls to shower together, 7-year-old children co-mixing in the bathroom? it's going to be chaos.
>> seth: first of all, these guidelines are not forcing boys and girls to shower together. second of all, anywhere 7-year-olds co-mix, it's going to be chaos. have you ever been inside a chuck e. cheese? it's like wearing a pair of sirens as headphones. that's why we throw those little [ bleep ] in the ball pit. but it turns out, that's another classic move used against minority groups. painting them as child predators. just ask gay men. for decades they were barred from being teachers or scout leaders even though study after study has shown there is zero correlation between being a child molester and being gay. however, there's a 100% correlation between being a child molester and wearing these glasses. [ light laughter ] that's just science. also, if everybody is so worried about creeps in bathrooms, why don't we just redesign the stalls? it's like those things were built to a pervert's specifications. "i'd like to be able to look over it, slide my head underneath it. and if you can give me an inch peek gap on the door, that would be perfect." [ laughter and applause ]
oh, i live, i live for that moment of unwanted eye contact. "everything going okay in there? [ laughter ] you good on paper?" when conservatives claim that trans people are preying on children and they shouldn't be allowed to use the bathroom they want to use, it's not a response to an actual problem, it's an age-old scam used to mobilize people against a vulnerable minority group. but attacking someone who is different than you doesn't make you a protector of children, it makes you a villager in a disney movie. >> i say we kill the beast! >> seth: you know who actually needs protection? trans people. 25% of trans americans have lost their jobs because their identity. 20% have been homeless at some point. 19% have been denied health care and 70% of trans people have experienced some form of harassment in a public bathroom. even worse, 100% of them have been the butt of a terrible ted cruz joke. >> even if donald trump dresses up as hillary clinton, he
shouldn't be using the girl's rest room. >> seth: that's ted cruz's tone deaf comedy jam. [ light laughter ] good seats forever available. the idea that trans people are a dangerous presence in bathrooms or a threat to our children is a lie and worse, it's not even a new lie. it's the oldest lie in the book. this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with andy samberg, akiva schaffer and jorma taccone. right here. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] best band in late night. also, sitting in with the band on drums tonight, allison miller is back with us. [ cheers and applause ] welcome, allison. to hear more of allison's music, check out boom tic boom's new album, "otis was a polar bear." thank you for being here, allison. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: such a pleasure. such a pleasure. you know our first guests tonight from their work on "saturday night live" and their wildly popular digital shorts. they also wrote and star in the very funny new film, "popstar: never stop never stopping", which opens in theaters june 3rd. please welcome to the show, our very good friends andy samberg, akiva schaffer and jorma taccone.
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: yeah! >> woo! >> seth: big deal getting all three of you guys. >> oh, yeah. >> got the trifecta. >> seth: the trifecta. i'm so excited. >> from the wildly popular digital shorts. >> seth: wildly popular. >> yeah, i like that. >> seth: you guys insisted i say that in the intro. >> yeah, it's in our rider. yeah. >> seth: wildly popular. of the -- how many -- exactly how many digital shorts did you do? >> we said it was 100. but i think it was more like 120. >> seth: 120. be honest, how many of 120 would you say were wildly popular? >> all of them. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] >> no, jorma. 118. >> seth: this is very exciting, because this takes a lot of the
fun of the digital short in that music is in this movie. >> yes. >> seth: super funny songs. this is a concert film that follows your character, conner4real. >> yes, the number four. >> conner4real. >> seth: oh, conner4real. thank you. okay. this is all lower thirded. >> oh, great. [ light laughter ] >> perfect. >> seth: so you're conner4real. >> yeah. >> seth: and you guys used to be in a group together. >> the style boyz. >> seth: the style boyz. >> yeah, with a z. >> seth: okay. >> with a z. >> kind of a beastie boys-style group. >> seth: okay. and now the group split up. >> conner went solo. >> seth: okay. >> kind of the beyonce of our destiny's child. >> seth: okay, gotcha. [ light laughter ] >> that's what people say. this is all in lower third, right? >> seth: beandy. >> beandy? >> seth: beandy. beandy knowles. >> uh-huh, yes. [ light laughter ] >> seth: okay. >> limonada. [ light laughter ] >> seth: so you go solo. jorm's still with you. he's the dj. >> he's the dj. >> yeah. >> akiva's character, lawrence, is extremely grumpy about the situation and he's moved to a farm. >> seth: okay. i want to show a clip because that sets it up very well. >> yeah. >> seth: jorm's character is
trying to get you guys back together. >> yeah. >> he's trying to "parent trap" us. >> that's the main goal in the movie, is friendship. >> eternal optimist. >> seth: to get the friendship back together. >> he misses the old gang hanging and being friends. >> seth: all right. so let's take a look at a scene from "popstar." >> god, he looks like a caveman. look at this fool, he's about to murder somebody. >> i think it's just the lighting in the limo. >> what? >> no, seriously. i think that's just his resting face. he's just relaxing. >> so, what, he just apologized to me and i just forgive him and we go back to being a big happy family? >> something like that, yeah. >> i -- >> style boyz in the house, right? [ laughter ] >> no. [ cheers and applause ]
>> seth: a lot of great cameos in the film. >> uh-huh. >> seth: ringo starr. >> yeah. >> seth: adam levine. >> yeah. >> seth: i'm super psyched. you came here and you shot -- i interviewed conner4real. >> yeah. >> seth: so we have a scene -- >> yeah! >> we actually wanted -- we should take this opportunity, it was amazing. we needed a scene in the movie where he goes on a talk show. we interrupted a work day. >> seth: yup. >> you had to put on a new suit. the whole crew had to get here, the band, everybody was here. and it was so amazing. we just wanted to take this opportunity to say we cut your scene. >> yeah, we cut your scene. [ laughter ] >> we cut it. >> yanked it right out. >> seth: you cut it? >> just cut it right out of the film. >> yeah. >> seth: you didn't need a talk show scene? >> well, actually, what you might recall, we shot two scenes here. >> seth: 'cause you shot jimmy fallon as well. >> oh, yeah. >> another scene with you. >> seth: oh, that's right. >> it was a second scene. you got in another suit. because we had to pretend it was a different day. >> seth: oh, that's right! i did two scenes! >> he had to change his outfit. >> and the good news is -- >> everybody had to do it. >> so we cut that, yeah. we cut both of them. [ laughter ] >> seth: both? >> they're both so funny. >> it's just that they were so good. >> they were too good.
music, especially his most recent music, i think it's good. >> seth: yeah. i haven't listened to a new song since 2002. >> oh, god. >> seth: so i'm not that up to speed. >> so like, there's so many songs you haven't heard. [ light laughter ] >> you know what? >> stop the show and let's listen to some music. >> let's listen to them all right now. >> seth: this is an amalgam. >> it's an amalgam of everything happening in music and in pop culture. i mean, a big difference also is that we don't sing really. we rap. we frap, fake rap. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] you are the best frappers on earth. >> easily -- >> we think so. >> easily the best frappers alive. >> fake rappers. >> seth: the song that made me laugh so hard, you have a song called "mona lisa." >> yeah. >> seth: it very much -- the setup is, i think, to every piece of pop culture that's ever referenced mona lisa, how beautiful she is. >> right. >> yeah. >> seth: this song does not. [ light laughter ] >> no. conner -- >> yeah, the song tracks conner on a trip to the louvre. he's had the mona lisa built up for him. as you mention, that happens a lot. and he's pretty let down with what he sees. >> seth: we have a very small
clip of "mona lisa" from the film. can we see that real quick? ♪ mona lisa you're an overrated piece of [ bleep ] can someone explain ♪ ♪ why the whole wide world is obsessed with a garbage pale kid looks like a garbage pail kid ♪ [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: there you go. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. >> that's just two little tastes of what's in the film. >> seth: two little tastes. i want to talk about what is snapchatting. you guys have been snapchatting. >> yeah, we've been going off on snapchat. >> seth: what have you been doing on snapchat? just explain -- >> kive, you want to take this one? >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> thank you. [ light laughter ] this is more of a me question. >> seth: okay, great. >> oh, i've been dying for this seat. no, we went on a press tour and we did -- you know what, this feels more like a jorm, actually. >> jorm, get in there. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. like when you're on a press tour and you want to maximize the press. >> seth: sure, sure. >> you know? so any opportunity we got down time or whatever -- >> you're going on too long. [ light laughter ]
>> we've been playing this cool song and making people dance to it. let's roll a clip. >> we got one. oh yeah, there we are on a jet doing it. >> this is a$ap ferg, "new level." >> a$ap ferg song. >> it's wonderful song by a$ap ferg. >> there we are in atlanta. >> making a radio station in atlanta do it. >> same song. >> porsha from "real housewives of atlanta." >> that's at the atlanta braves game. on top of the dugout, we sang "take me out to the ball game," and then did that. [ light laughter ] at our press junket down in miami. just ripping it up. >> there we are with kathy lee and hoda. >> kathy lee and hoda. >> just going off. jorm on top of peter travers. >> seth: that's fantastic. [ light laughter ] >> that was awesome, peter travers. >> seth: peter travers not looking like he's super enjoying it. >> oh, and this one. >> yeah, there's andy with, like, a sweet apple you found? just like a killer apple. >> it's just a sweet apple. >> seth: sweet apple, fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] you guys are the kings of snapchat. >> we might be the kings of snapchat. >> seth: all right, this is -- we were saying earlier to the
crowd, i was telling them before the show started, historic night. we're doing "second chance theater." >> yeah. >> seth: we talked to you guys -- what are some "second chance theatres"? what is something you did at "snl" that didn't get on air. we discussed kuato. >> yeah. >> seth: for those who don't remember, kuato is from the 1990 film "total recall." >> yeah, everyone remembers. >> seth: then in 2006 the three of you decided that america needed a kuato character. >> uh-huh. >> seth: 16 years later. >> 16 urgent years later. >> seth: here's you and -- [ laughter ] >> scarlett johansson. >> seth: scarlett johansson. as kuatos. >> as dual kuatos. >> when we first pitched this idea, seth was so bummed out by us. >> seth: i was so mad. >> there's nothing more enjoyable than seeing how bummed out seth can get at us. >> the more questions he asked, incredulously the funnier it would get to us. [ light laughter ] so you're us and i'm him. so "total recall" from 1990? >> yeah, the movie. [ light laughter ] >> then you got to giggle. >> and it's the character kuato,
the mutant resistance leader on mars who comes out of the guy's stomach that no one remembers? >> yeah, you get it. >> yeah. and for some reason he's really into molson's beer? >> yeah, and smints. >> for what reason? >> he just likes them. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> character development. >> seth: so we didn't go with kuato. >> no. >> seth: but -- [ light laughter ] so we decided to do "second chance theatre" with "wanna come with." >> yeah. >> seth: "wanna come with." explain the back story of "wanna come with." >> the back story is such a bummer. >> what? >> we had the smallest -- smallest office all together. it was like a really crappy dorm room. with like tons of -- >> seth: yeah, you guys had the worst office. >> posters all over the walls. and andy would routinely, whenever he had to go to the bathroom, would ask us, in a very -- i would say obnoxious voice, you wanna come with? [ light laughter ] you wanna come with? >> all right. two things. andy doesn't like being alone. >> at all. >> youngest child. [ light laughter ] >> youngest child. so we should know that. >> seth: yeah.
>> another thing the bathroom was very far. >> it is far. >> from our office. from all the offices. up on the 17th floor it's a long walk around. that's why some people, not us, would sometimes pee in jars. >> seth: yeah. >> not us. >> not us. but some people would. >> seth: by the way, people are wondering how far away it is. it's two hallways. >> it's a harrowing journey. >> seth: it's not. [ light laughter ] >> you can imagine how scary that is for a grown man to go alone. >> you need a sherpa. [ light laughter ] >> seth: okay, so "wanna come with" is inspired by the fact that you don't like to go to the bathroom alone. hugh laurie was in the sketch at dress. >> yes. >> seth: hugh laurie had to -- i'll be playing hugh laurie in the sketch tonight. >> hugh laurie wanted to do a sketch that i believe did air. >> seth: yeah. >> this did not. >> seth: yeah. >> where he sang a song and like played a harmonica or something. and for some reason at dress, the only way they could do the rundown was for it to be right after "wanna come with." >> seth: yeah. >> so you may notice when we re-enact the sketch that hugh laurie abruptly leaves in the middle of the sketch. his character is just like, "i'm out." and i think -- i think that's the reason it didn't make it.
>> seth: really? well, i'm so glad it's getting a second chance tonight. "wanna come with." >> okay. >> seth: the other thing that's super irritating to me and i hated when you wrote this sketch, is that you keep referring to the bathroom as "the head." >> yeah. >> seth: which nobody says. >> well, this guy does. [ light laughter ] >> yeah. >> also, andy did. over and over and over. week after week to us in our office. until finally we were like, "just write it. get it out of your system. you're clearly auditioning for us every week." >> but there's also a lot of '90s slang in the sketch for no reason. >> seth: yeah. all right. now i'm worrying we're going to ruin this gold. >> also, a little -- another nugget i noticed during rehearsal. he asked somebody where his shirt from, it's from structure. that store doesn't even exist anymore. >> seth: wow. >> just keep your eyes peeled for a structure reference. >> we don't want to change the script. >> seth: yeah. this is the pure script. so we'll have more with the lonely island later in the show. [ cheers and applause ] "popstar: never stop never stopping" is in theaters june 3rd. we'll be right back with greta gerwig. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our next guest is a talented actress who you know from her work in "greenberg" and "frances ha." she stars in the new film "maggie's plan", which opens in new york and l.a. this friday. let's take a look. >> he's one of the bad boys of fictocritical anthropology. apparently he was a big deal in chicago. and now he just does this adjunct work here, but they're really salivating for him to work full time. >> why won't he? >> i don't know, i think it has something to do with his wife. apparently she's some sort of monster. >> where did you hear this? >> around. you know, she's got tenure at columbia. georgette norguard. the words "glacial" and "terrifying" have been bandied about.
then again, i have heard myself described as a psychotic bitch. but i think i'm actually pretty nice. so, you can't believe everything you hear. >> seth: please welcome back to the show greta gerwig. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: hi, welcome back. >> hi. thank you. >> seth: i'm so happy to have you here. >> i'm so happy to be here. >> seth: congratulations on the film. it's wonderful. >> thank you. >> seth: it's a wonderful cast. >> yes. >> seth: we saw you with maya rudolph there. julianne moore is in the film. >> yes, she is. it's ethan hawke, julianne moore, bill hader, maya rudolph, and travis fimmel -- >> seth: fantastic. >> from "vikings." >> seth: ooh, from "vikings." >> yeah. >> seth: so -- [ laughter ] i -- but i heard, is this true, that you initially -- i don't know if it was out of awe or respect, had trouble acting with julianne moore? >> yes, when i started acting with julianne moore, i was just -- it felt like i had bought a ticket to see one of
her movies and i just would watch her and i'd forget to say my lines. [ laughter ] and then everyone was like, "you got to act." and i was like, "but she's like a magician." [ laughter ] it's like there's not a person there, then she became the person. it's crazy. she's so good. >> seth: and did you, through working with her, become friends with her? are you friends with her now? >> we text. [ laughter ] >> seth: is that an accomplishment? are you really excited about that? >> yeah. she -- we text emojis back and forth. [ light laughter ] >> seth: oh, that's very good. >> yeah. and now i look like her. so -- well, my hair, you know. >> seth: was this -- is this a weird "single white female" thing? or -- [ laughter ] >> no. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] because that -- you should let her know -- >> i know. i know. >> seth: that this is for a part and it's not because i met you and we started emojiing and now i'm taking over your look. >> right, right, no, i want her to feel comfortable around me. >> seth: yeah, that's very important. moving forward i would say that's the most important thing. >> yes. yes. that the more important thing. >> seth: the last time you were here, we talked about how when
you're on talk shows your mother gives you feedback and notes. >> yes. yes. >> seth: and you had said that she wants you to behave more mysteriously. >> right. yes. and she told me she never said that. and it's not true. >> seth: oh after -- because you were here and you behaved mysterious, and it was pretty great. >> yeah. >> seth: but she said she's never said that? >> she would say "i've never given you notes." and i was like, i give -- you give me notes all the time. but she didn't believe me. >> seth: can you predict what kind of notes you'll get on this? >> yes. i think the note will be, "why did you wear pajamas?" [ laughter ] and it's -- yeah. i think that will be the note. >> seth: so this isn't her preferred look on you, pajamas? >> she likes me to wear dresses and like belts. >> seth: okay. >> you know, just a big decorative belt. [ laughter ] and like earrings and she likes my hair blond and long. >> seth: oh so this is going to be a real hard one for her to watch. >> yeah. it's going to be -- no, but she'll be fine. she'll congratulate me and then work in the don't wear pajamas on talk shows. >> seth: just real subtly. "hey, here's something my friend barb told me."
>> "here's a tip." >> seth: "um, don't wear pajamas on a talk show." >> i know, i know. but i think -- you know, she's proud. >> seth: okay, good. [ laughter ] >> i think. >> seth: i'm sure she is. i also heard that when you were young you had -- you had a little leonardo dicaprio obsession? >> i had a big leonardo dicaprio obsession. [ light laughter ] >> seth: really. >> i -- well i was like the perfect age for both "romeo plus juliet." >> seth: yep. >> and -- >> seth: thank you for using the plus. >> the plus. he's totally mixing it up on william shakespeare. [ laughter ] and -- and also "titanic." >> seth: sure. >> so both of those together. and it was like the early days of the internet, so there were pictures of him online, but not that many and i printed out every single one. [ laughter ] and i felt like i was constantly draining the ink and the toner from the printer. my brother was like, "stop printing out pictures of leonardo dicaprio." and i was like, "i'm not." [ laughter ] he's like, "there's a half
printed leonardo dicaprio face sitting in the printer tray." and i carried them around with me in a binder that said "pics of leo." [ laughter ] >> seth: well that's good. well that way you don't grab the wrong binder. >> no, i know. just so -- >> seth: when you get to school you're like looking, "oh, these are my taxes." >> never mind. yeah, i really -- and kissed a picture of him before i went to bed every night. i was like full-on. >> seth: oh, wow. >> i believed we were going to be married. but then i read in an article that he likes going to clubs with tobey maguire. and i thought, "oh, no, what will we have to talk about?" [ laughter ] >> seth: so you didn't read that and think "we're not going to get married." >> no, i was like, "this is going to be a big quiet marriage. [ laughter ] i have to, like, develop new interests or like get into clubs. but i'm 13." [ laughter ] but i still thought we were going to get married. >> seth: gotcha. when did it stop? >> it hasn't. >> seth: oh, it hasn't. [ laughter ] >> as far as i know, he's still not married.
so -- but i know he dates supermodels. but maybe i'll -- like in my mind -- [ laughter ] i'll be like, you know how amal clooney, like george clooney, i'll be like that, like dignified. and i'm not a human rights lawyer, but in this scenario, maybe i just would be. >> seth: okay. >> and i'd be like -- [ laughter ] i'd be like a barrister. and it would be like, "oh, isn't it so great that leo married that barrister?" [ laughter ] you know? but i don't know how we're going to meet. >> seth: yeah. well, again i think you put almost exactly the right amount of thought into that part. [ laughter ] i think this is gonna happen. because again, you want to leave a little mystery. because you figured out so much of it. >> so much. >> seth: i think you have to leave a little piece for yourself to be surprised by it. >> yeah, and who knows? you know? what that's going to be. but maybe it will be on one of his yachts. i don't know. >> seth: yeah. >> i don't know how i'm going to get on it. i've got to stop thinking about this, sorry.
[ laughter ] >> seth: well, please, when you figure out any more of the details, it would be lovely to have you back to talk through them. and it's so great to see you, as always. and i love the pajamas. >> oh, thank you. yes. they're very elegant. >> seth: they're very elegant. it's always such a pleasure to see you greta. and this is very exciting. you're sticking around to play a role in "second chance theatre." >> yes! it's like i'm almost on "saturday night live." [ laughter ] >> seth: greta gerwig, everybody. "maggie's plan" opens in new york and l.a. this friday. we'll be right back with "second chance theatre." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ this is a fingerprint. and with touch id it does way more than unlock your phone. it logs you into things, like your bank account. see what i mean? it checks you into your flight. ooop, your phone! it pays for stuff like... (mouth full) doughnuts. how about chew then talk. it unlocks things for you. it signs documents for you. hey, you bought a boat!
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♪ [ applause ] >> seth: hello, and welcome to "second chance theatre", where we give new life to sketches that were cut from "saturday night live." some are cut unfairly and some, like tonight's, were cut for cause. [ light laughter ] this evening we present you with the story of graham, an inebriated co-worker who is about to embark on a magnificent journey. a journey in which he yearns for someone, anyone, to come with. [ light laughter ] we now present the sketch "wanna come with" featuring the second chance players, special guests kenan thompson and greta gerwig, and starring andy samberg's hair from 2006. [ laughter ] enjoy. [ cheers and applause ] >> mr. harris, this has been so much fun. i can't believe it's already 9:30.
>> seth: please, mary, we're not in the office. call me dennis. i just figured we could use a break and get a few drinks. >> uh-oh. cool boss alert. [ light laughter ] >> seth: hey, i'd like to propose a toast to the sales team here at dunhill marketing. you guys are doing a bang-up job. >> yeah, yeah, hear, hear. oh, man. so wasted. i'm think i'm going to hit the head. anyone wanna come with? [ light laughter ] >> no. >> seth: no, i'm good, thanks. >> right on, i'll wait. [ light laughter ] >> seriously, though, when was the last time we all went out together? >> i don't know. like forever. >> it seems like it, right? [ light laughter ] >> oh, man, for reals. i'm super fit. i think i'm going to hit the head. wanna come with? [ laughter ] >> no, thank you. >> no, i'm good. >> that's cool. i'll just hang here. [ light laughter ] >> so, yeah, like anyways, douglas, when are you going to finally move into your new place? >> i don't know. i'm still waiting on the paperwork to go through, but i'm really excited. >> seth: you know, that's great, douglas. you worked so hard for that. >> yeah, i'm really happy. >> yeah, right on, douglas. hey, douglas.
[ laughter ] thinking about hitting the head. wanna come with? [ light laughter ] >> no, i'm good, graham. >> all right, i'm so eff'd up right now anyways. [ light laughter ] just let me know when you want to go. >> yeah, i don't have to go. >> right on. you should come with, though. [ light laughter ] >> no. >> right on. i'll just wait 'til you're ready. [ light laughter ] >> yeah. hey, randy, that shirt's really great, man. where did you get it? >> oh, at structure. [ laughter ] >> it does look really good on you. >> i know, right? >> hey randy, that shirt's good. i'm gonna hit the head. you wanna come with? [ laughter ] >> no, i'm okay, graham. >> oh, i get that. so super swervy right now. it's just like -- whaaat? [ light laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: well, i'm going to go grab another drink. anyone need anything?| >> mr. harris. [ laughter ] are you gonna hit the head? >> seth: no, i'm going to get a drink. >> and then hit the head? >> seth: no. [ light laughter ]
>> that's cool. hey, that reminds me, i'm gonna hit the head. wanna come with? [ light laughter ] >> seth: just said no. >> oh, i thought you said you don't know. >> seth: nope. i said no. [ light laughter ] >> oh. so you wanna come with? >> seth: no. [ laughter ] >> great. bye. have a great song, hugh laurie. [ laughter ] [ applause ] kind of feel like this sketch was just getting some momentum, but i'll see you around anyways. right on. so wasted. [ light laughter ] >> you know, every time we go out after work, graham gets so drunk. >> he's not that drunk. [ light laughter ] >> so wasted. need to hit the head. [ light laughter ] >> hey, guys. >> hey, susan's here. >> susan, you're here. i'ma hit the head, come with? [ laughter ] >> no, i just got here. >> i know. i'm so hammered. this place is crazy. you should come with. [ light laughter ] >> graham, get off her. hey, susan. >> hi. >> i hear that. this place is off the chain. i'm so plastered right now.
[ light laughter ] hey, randy, you know where the head is? i was thinking about hitting it up. [ laughter ] >> yeah, i think it's upstairs, graham. >> oh, cool. you wanna come with? [ light laughter ] >> no. >> so hammered. hey mike, wanna come with? >> not even at all. [ laughter ] >> yeah. that's cool. susan, you wanna come with? >> no. >> douglas, wanna come with? >> seriously, stop. >> okay. you wanna come with though? [ light laughter ] >> oh my god, graham, stop it. no one wants to go to the bathroom with you. >> so you wanna come with? [ light laughter ] >> no. just go by yourself. >> you wanna come with though? >> no. [ laughter ] >> so, no one wants to come with? >> no. >> no. >> so wasted. come with? [ light laughter ] >> no! >> that's cool. come with? [ laughter ] >> no! >> oh. hey. i didn't see you there. [ laughter ] i'm gonna hit the head. you wanna come with?
[ laughter ] oh, that's cool. but you wanna come with, though? [ light laughter ] okay, cool, i'll just meet you there. so wasted. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: ladies and gentlemen, the cast of "wanna come with" -- andy samberg. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] towels can take on any mess, we put them to the test in a subway. only viva vantage has our stretchable, scrubby texture and cloth-like durability that give it the power to clean more than just spills. if it works here, imagine how well viva will unleash clean in your home.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "talking dead" for "wanna come with." [ laughter ] we're here with the cast. and it just must have been so amazing to get it on its feet again. how would you describe the difference in how it played tonight to how it played back in 2006? >> i would say tonight, much better. [ light laughter ] hair identical.
[ laughter ] feel like i got in a time machine. i'm going to go run laps i feel so young. >> seth: yeah. >> but yeah, i think it landed a lot better by setting up, by saying it was crappy. [ laughter ] does that make sense? we should be able to do that on "snl." >> seth: if you got a crap one, you should just go out and explain it. >> just be like, "hey, guys, this one's on you." [ laughter ] >> seth: we're also joined, you may notice, by "weekend update" anchor colin jost. [ cheers and applause ] and "saturday night live" writer and co-writer. >> co-writer. >> seth: co-writer of the piece "wanna come with." >> yes, thank you, thank you. if it didn't go well, i wasn't going to come out. >> seth: yeah. akiva and jorm were saying this sort of came from the fact that andy would ask people to come with him to the bathroom. was that a question you had been asked? >> i think i was asked it probably five times a night. >> seth: okay. >> also the other thing he would do, andy, he would ask you to go to the bathroom and then while you were in the bathroom he would sneak out and scare you. [ laughter ] thereby not wanting any -- making anyone want to go to the bathroom with you. >> you remember the best one? >> yes, i do. he turned all the lights off in
the entire hallway. [ laughter ] i came out into the darkness and he jumped out from a cabinet and yelled and i screamed. [ laughter ] >> this is like 5:00 in the morning and the building was deserted. and i insisted that he join me. come on, andy. like the biggest dick move of all time. [ laughter ] oh, god. >> seth: greta, you played so many iconic roles in your career. the life you brought to susan, incredible. [ laughter ] >> yes. >> seth: now how long have you had the script before today's performance? >> oh, actually, i've been secretly working on this for years. [ laughter ] i have journals i've written as susan. and, uh -- yeah. >> seth: now i saw little piece of your performance. tell me if i got this right. did a little piece of susan wanna go with? [ laughter ] >> she did, but she was like, "everybody is going to judge me. because nobody goes with," so -- >> seth: that came through, greta. >> she saved face.
>> seth: that came through. >> good. >> seth: kenan, how many characters do you think you've played at "snl" who think white people are acting stupid? [ laughter ] >> i would say all of them. [ laughter ] that's how it is. that's how it is. >> en total. >> good to be here, though. [ laughter ] so glad. >> seth: that's all the time we have for our q and a, but we're gonna continue it online. so head over to latenightseth.com for all of it. and we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to andy samberg, akiva schaffer, jorma taccone, greta gerwig, kenan thompson, allison miller, all the second chance players and, of course, the 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. but for now, i want to continue with "talking dead" for "wanna come with." >> smart. >> seth: what could have been a "second chance theatre" was "lasercats." originally written as a sketch, but then you turned it into a digital short. >> yeah, no, the original sketch was about a factory in the future that produces cats that shoot lasers out of their mouths, but there's been a nuclear war and those already exist and they're roaming around. and so the people in the factory are having this big argument, "why are we just packaging these? you can go outside and get one." and it was this kind of weird existential -- >> why wasn't that picked? >> it was a terrible sketch. >> makes a lot of sense. >> seth: well, you turned that
into a hit digital short. did you ever think about making "wanna come with" a digital short? [ light laughter ] >> sure, i thought about it. i thought about it a lot just in general. >> seth: now, seeing yourself in the monitor, do you think it's okay that that was your haircut? >> you know what, i'll say i was noticing in this shot, no. in the super wide? i was like, no! [ laughter ] but in the super -- like all of us shot? do we have that one? >> seth: super wide. >> super wide. there i'm like, that's 2005. ♪ ♪ >> carson: good evening! we are at 97.1 amp radio, where i do a little daily radio show. i'm carson daly. thanks foreing here. this, however, is "last call." coming up gh