tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC July 19, 2016 12:37am-1:38am EDT
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- taylor schilling, from "star trek beyond", actor and writer, simon pegg, music from maren morris, featuring the 8g band with atom willard. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] wonderful to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump this weekend officially tapped indiana governor mike pence as his running mate. pence says that while he's excited, he's still getting used to these guys calling him dad. [ laughter ]
following donald trump's selection of mike pence as his running mate, hillary clinton tweeted that pence is "donald trump with a different haircut." coincidentally donald trump with a different haircut was his first choice. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] [ as trump ] "like me, but a little more wild and crazy." quicken loans arena, home to the nba champion cleveland cavaliers, is hosting the republican convention this week. and just like the cavs' starting lineup, the convention is expected to have four black people. [ laughter ] because kevin love. that's why it's not five. [ laughter ] ben carson is scheduled to speak at the republican national convention tomorrow, but organizers say they expect him to take the stage sometime next week. [ laughter and applause ] a "women for trump" rally held earlier today in cleveland reportedly struggled to get an
audience of just 30 people to show up. but this lady seemed pretty excited to be there. [ laughter ] christie christie. [ laughter ] house speaker paul ryan is attracting criticism after posting a selfie with over 100 republican congressional interns and showing that the group was almost entirely white. wow, look at that. looks like he's speaking to the graduating class at the university of caucasia. [ laughter ] that looks like a subway ad for a cloning service. [ laughter ] you know, if you use face swap on that picture, nothing happens. [ laughter ] after deciding not to attend this week's republican national convention, former house speaker, newt gingrich, called jeb bush a bad loser. said jeb, "actually, i'm a great loser! i do it all of the time. [ laughter ] it's like what i'm best at." donald trump's campaign manager,
paul manafort, told reporters that, quote, "once donald trump is accepted by the american people as someone who can be president the race will be over with." by which i assume he meant, the human race. [ laughter and applause ] and finally, bernie sanders is scheduled to speak on the first night of next week's democratic national convention. leave it to bernie to grab the early bird special. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight! [ cheers and applause ] from netflix's "orange is the new black," one of our favorites, taylor schilling is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] he co-wrote and stars in "star trek beyond", simon pegg is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] the very talented simon pegg. also, we'll have music from country artist, maren morris. it's gonna be a great night tonight here at "late night." [ cheers and applause ] but before we get to that, the republican convention began today, and on wednesday, trump's new running mate, indiana
governor mike pence, is scheduled to speak. but how much do we know about pence? for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: in the end, the trump veepstakes came down to a three-way race between former house speaker newt gingrich, somehow still current new jersey governor chris christie, and mike pence. gingrich for his part seemed to sense that his odds of getting picked were fading last week and explained it this way. >> in many ways, donald trump is like a pirate. he's outside the normal system. he gets things done, he's bold, he's -- actually, like a figure out of a movie. in a lot of ways my entire career has been a little bit like a pirate. i've taken on the establishment of both parties, i've been very prepared to fight in the media. do you really want a two-pirate ticket? [ laughter ] >> seth: i don't know. does anyone really want a one-pirate ticket? [ laughter ] whoever a pirate picks as his running mate, i'm out. [ laughter ] pirates are dangerous no matter how tiny their hooks are. [ laughter ]
so -- [ applause ] so while no one was too upset gingrich was passed over there was something tragic about trump turning down chris christie, aka "the sad shadow." [ laughter ] and yet like most creepy guys in movies who lurk behind you in hopes of one day winning your affection, chris christie was not willing to take no for an answer. and after trump had already offered pence the job, trump fielded a last-ditch appeal from christie, who once again, pressed his own case. christie begged trump for the job after trump had had already given it to someone else. that's the most depressing thing to come out of new jersey since the "nebraska" album. [ laughter ] the real burn there is one of the few people who would get that joke is bruce springsteen fan, chris christie. [ laughter ] but christie's appeal may have at least temporarily swayed trump, because at least according to one report, trump was so unsure about pence that around midnight on thursday, he asked top aides if he could get out of it.
but sometimes it's too late to change a decision, as president trump will learn a few years from now when he asks, "how do i un-launch these nukes? control alt delete's not working. okay, well we should at least warn canada. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i'm sorry. i lost my temper." so trump was stuck with pence, a man who looks like the teacher who volunteers to supervise detention. [ laughter ] look at him. in high school, his pickup line was "let me take you to frowntown." [ laughter ] and the trump/pence ticket got off to a bumpy start on friday when the trump campaign unveiled a new joint campaign logo. a logo that was roundly mocked on social media thanks to the fact that it looked like someone pulling venetian blinds to the side to watch a couple letters bone. [ laughter ] the trump campaign realized how serious the sexual imagery was
when they woke up the next morning to find the logo surrounded by baby "t's" and "p's." [ laughter ] i guess based on that logo, we should all be happy trump didn't pick chris christie. [ laughter ] who knows. who knows what it's supposed to be. now pence may not be well known, but his anonymity and placid demeanor belie his history as a hard-line conservative and that's exactly why trump chose him. in fact, as pence put it in 2011, "i was tea party before it was cool." say what you want about the tea party, but i'm pretty sure it's still not cool. [ laughter ] last i checked, teens aren't vaping in tri-cornered hats. [ laughter ] but it's true, pence has been among the most conservative politicians in this country for years. in fact, in 2009, pence even denied the science behind evolution, in an interview with chris matthews. >> do you believe in evolution, sir? >> um, i -- do i believe in evolution? i embrace the view that god
created the heavens and the earth, the seas and all that's in them. >> right, but do you believe in evolution as the way he did? >> the means -- the means, chris, that he used to do that i can't say. but i do believe in that fundamental truth. >> you can't -- well do you believe -- did you take biology in school? did you take science, which is all based on evolutionary belief? >> i believe with all my heart that god created the heavens and earth, the seas and all that is in them. >> right. >> how he did that, i'll ask him about someday. >> seth: and when he asks, god will probably say, "did you take biology? [ laughter ] i put all of this in a textbook for you." [ applause ] but pence's most bizarre views weren't about religion. they were about movies. because in a 1999 op-ed, pence actually argued that the disney movie "mulan" was liberal propaganda designed to support allowing women to serve in the military. as pence wrote in 1999, "despite her delicate features and voice, disney expects us to believe that mulan's ingenuity and courage were enough to carry her to military success at an equal basis with cloddish cohorts.
obviously, this is walt disney's attempt to add childhood expectation to the cultural debate over the role of women in the military." he also thinks that "the lion king" was a liberal screed about natural childbirth. [ laughter ] but "mulan" aside, pence and trump don't agree on everything. for example, pence voted for the iraq war, supported free trade deals and called trump's proposed ban on muslim immigration "offensive" and "unconstitutional." so on sunday, they were pressed on the differences in a "60 minutes" interview that was conducted, from the looks of it, at saddam hussein's chair warehouse. [ laughter ] and right away leslie stahl challenged them on their differences, specifically on pence's support for the iraq war. >> but we did go to war, if you remember, we went to iraq. >> yeah, you went to iraq. but that was handled so badly. and that was a war, by the way, that was the war that we shouldn't have done because iraq did not knock down -- excuse me. >> your running mate voted for it. >> iraq did not knock down -- i don't care. [ as trump ] >> seth: "i don't care. i don't want this creep here. i wanna do this alone." [ laughter ]
and when leslie stahl pointed out that trump has attacked hillary clinton for the same vote mike pence made, he dismissed the contradiction. >> yeah, but you've used that vote that -- of hillary's that was the same as governor pence -- >> many people have. >> as the example of her bad judgment. you said that -- >> many people have, and frankly, i'm one of the few that was right on iraq. >> yeah, but what about he -- >> he's entitled to make a mistake every once in a while. >> but she's not. okay, come on. >> but she's not. she's not. >> no, she's not. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's right. hillary clinton is not allowed to make a mistake, a rule she probably repeats to herself in the mirror every night. [ laughter ] "no mistakes h-dog. lock it down. close the deal. [ laughter ] close! the! deal!" [ applause ] and things didn't get much better from there. at one point, trump even gave pence permission to answer a question, specifically about trump's attack on john mccain's war record. >> do you think john mccain is not a hero because he was captured? >> i have a great deal of respect for john mccain.
>> do you think he went too far? >> you could say yes. that's okay. on that one you could say yes. you're not -- it's fine. [ laughter ] >> seth: trump treats pence like someone taking their kid to a grownup party for the first time. [ laughter ] "go ahead, you can answer. show them all your big boy words." [ laughter ] trump -- [ applause ] pence was also asked about trump's support for bringing back torture techniques like waterboarding, and again, trump did most of the talking. >> mr. trump wants to bring back waterboarding and, quote, "a hell of a lot more." are you comfortable with bringing back waterboarding? >> i don't think we should ever tell our enemy what our tactics are. >> but what about that? what about -- he's publicly said that. >> i like that answer. we have an enemy, isis, and others, who chop off heads, who drown people in steel cages, and we can't do waterboarding. >> yeah but -- but why would you use their techniques? >> okay. they're not playing on -- because you know what, those techniques get information. i don't care what anyone says.
>> are you agreeing with him? >> i am not -- >> you get information using those techniques. >> what i -- what i -- [ laughter ] >> seth: he won't even let him finish his sentence. i can only imagine how much melania enjoyed watching this. "oh, that's right, mike pence, keep trying to get a word in edgewise. best of luck to you, sir." and, of course, pence is okay with torture. he sat for this entire interview. [ laughter ] even when pence tried to pay trump the most banal compliment possible, trump quibbled. >> he speaks from his heart and -- >> well, i think i speak from my heart and my brain, just so we understand. most people speak from them. >> right. >> this is maybe more important. >> seth: if you ever accuse donald trump of having a heart, you better be ready for a fight! [ laughter ] so clearly -- [ applause ] so clearly, there are some temperamental differences between these two candidates. but stahl wanted to know, would trump be open to criticism from his running mate? >> if he thinks i'm doing something wrong, mike, i would want him to come in and say,
"really, you are doing -- you gotta" -- and that's okay. >> seth: okay, i'm sorry. let's hear again what he would want pence to say to him. [ laughter ] >> i would want him to come in and say, "really, you're doing -- you gotta" -- and that's okay. [ laughter ] >> seth: i think that's probably a very accurate way anyone would speak to a president trump. in pleading two-word fragments that never find a conclusion. "really -- you're doing -- you gotta -- it's just -- i'm begging -- please don't -- race war -- global famine -- moon exploded." [ laughter ] [ applause ] but the true highlight -- the true highlight in the interview was when stahl asked trump about his humility and trump replied with perhaps his most trumpian response yet. >> you're not known to be a humble man. but i wonder -- >> i think i am actually humble. i think i'm much more humble than you would understand. [ laughter ] >> seth: i mean, he finally did it. trump found a way to brag about how humble he is. [ laughter ]
he's achieved peak humblebrag. he did it. and this brings us back as to why trump chose pence in the first place. pence is temperamentally much more conventional than trump. to most people he seems like your run-of-the-mill politician and that's exactly the point. trump wants us to forget that he is a uniquely reckless threat and putting pence on the ticket is one way to do that. in fact, the interview ended with each candidate saying something nice about the other one in a way that perfectly sums up the dynamic of this relationship. >> this man is awed with the american people and he is not intimidated by the world. and donald trump, this good man, i believe will be a great president of the united states. >> i love what he just said. [ laughter ] >> seth: this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
(boy) bye, mom. that's the heart and these are the lungs. (girl) what's wrong? (boy) nothing. (boy) sorry. (dad) don't worry about it. come on. you put it in. (dad) it's ok. (vo) at our house, we need things that are built to last. that's why we got a subaru. (avo) subaru legacy. the longest-lasting midsize sedan in its class. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. kellogg's® frosted 8 layers of wheat...
and one that's sweet. for the adult and kid in all of us. ♪ kellogg's frosted mini-wheats® feed your inner kidult start boldly with the apple that bites back. redd's wicked apple. also available in mango and black cherry. takbbq trophies:hese best cracked pepper sauce... most ribs eaten while calf roping... >>yep, greatness deserves recognition. you got any trophies, cowboy? ♪ whoomp there it is uh, yeah... well, uh, well there's this one. >>best insurance mobile app? yeah, two years in a row. >>well i'll be... does that thing just follow you around? like a little puppy! the award-winning geico app. download it today.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. please give it up for the 8g band right over there! [ cheers and applause ] also, please welcome this week's drummer. he's an accomplished musician and started his career with punk icons, rocket from the crypt, and now sits behind the kit for one of my favorite bands, against me! atom willard, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] be sure to check out the upcoming new album from against
me!, "shape shift with me," releasing on september 16th. great to have you here atom. really appreciate it. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: now, are you guys -- serious question. are you guys familiar with these dog-shaming websites? okay, great. what they are -- [ laughter ] what they are is people take a picture of their dog looking guilty next to a little sign that says what the dog did. here's an example, "i ate my daddy's $300 sunglasses." pretty cute, right? here's another one. "i enjoy digging the flower beds up and eating mulch because i'm bored." [ laughter ] adorable, adorable, but these are minor offenses. after searching around the internet, we found some websites featuring dogs that have done much, much worse things. [ laughter ] we would like to show them to you now in a segment called, what? you guessed it, "extreme dog shaming." [ applause ] ♪ >> seth: extreme indeed! let's take a look at our first dog. [ audience aws ] he looks adorable. i can't imagine he would do anything too bad.
"i bring pbr to parties, but drink all the sam adams." [ laughter ] bad dog! don't be that dog. [ laughter ] who's next? now, this is a little buster brown. what did he do? "i don't give that little wave when people let me merge." [ laughter ] what, it's so easy? you just do the -- thank you! who do we have next? look at that face! too cute! what did he do? "i take acid and go to 'sesame street live!'" [ laughter and applause ] there's kids there. bad dog. [ laughter ] who is next? aw, this one's the best. "i get off on reminding people that the correct term is frankenstein's monster and that frankenstein is the name of the doctor." [ laughter ] bad dog. you're an ass [ bleep ]. don't do that. [ laughter ] who is next? aw! [ audience aws ] this guy looks like a little rabble rouser. "when i see a female dog wearing no makeup, i tell her she looks tired." [ laughter ]
oh, bad dog. who do we have next? folks, do they make them any cuter than this? "i only went to your son's bris to catch pokémon." [ laughter and applause ] bad dog. also, it was super weird that you had your phone out the whole time. who is next? oh, wow. look at this one. "i filled up my roommate's dvr with 52 episodes of abc's 'the chew.'" [ laughter and applause ] bad dog. you're not going to watch them all. you could delete some. who do we have next? he's a good little boy. "i ended the eulogy of my dad's funeral with 'follow me on twitter.'" [ laughter ] bad dog. that's not the time or the place. who next? oh, the only thing this guy is guilty of is being the cutest. "i roll up the car window on hot days and watch my owner get in trouble." [ laughter and applause ] yikes, that is some devious -- devious dog. who do we have next?
what did you do, little fella? "the chairman of fox news, roger ailes, sniffed my butt." [ laughter ] bad dog. no, actually, you're not a bad dog. i'm not going to blame the victim. you're fine. [ laughter ] who's next? wait a minute, this is my dog, frisbee. frisbee, what did you do? "i'm excited for the olympics. seth's nose is competing in the long jump." frisbee, you are a bad dog, and when you cut, you cut deep. that was "extreme dog shaming." we'll be right back with taylor schilling. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ introducing t-mobile's most epic deal ever! get a free samsung galaxy for each line and get 4 lines with 6 gigs each for just 30 bucks a line. plus now everybody gets unlimited streaming from their favorite services.
don't wait - get a free galaxy smartphone and 6 gigs per line for just $30 a line. hurry to t-mobile now for our most epic deal ever. introducing jim beam apple.e together to make history. poured over ice and served with club soda and a fresh lemon wedge. to make a crisp refreshing jim beam apple and soda. see, we can agree.reat. out! what? that was in! finally, something the whole family can agree on. oscar mayer deli fresh ham made with pure honey for a taste everyone will love. i can't believe we live in the middle of all this. they're supposed to be one of the most gentle creatures in nature. really...? i read that once. state farm knows that for every one of those moments, there's one of these... wild mustangs?!? i can't believe we live in the middle of all this! they're supposed to be one of the most gentle creatures in nature.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night", everybody. our first guest tonight stars in the very popular series, "orange is the new black." the entire fourth season is currently streaming on netflix. let's take a look. >> c.o. bailey. >> chapman. >> hi! vause and i were thinking, since you're such a super nice guy and so good at moving things across enemy lines. >> what do you want now? >> a burger. >> two ideally, one for each of us.
>> with cheese. >> cheese is key. >> yep. >> uh -- yeah. >> really? >> sure. oh, but first i get a hand job. you know, from before. the panty thing. you basically owe me. >> seth: please welcome back to the show, our friend, taylor schilling. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: how are you? >> this is just nonsense. i love coming to see you so much. >> seth: oh, thank you. i'm so happy to have you. and you look beautiful, this is such a beautiful outfit. >> thank you. >> seth: and i feel like we're catching you at a very exciting time. >> tell me about that. >> seth: well, because -- [ light laughter ] >> what feels exciting to you? >> seth: i heard you got -- you
just moved into a new apartment. >> i did. >> seth: and this is why it's exciting for me. i think it was one of the first times you were here, you told us about your early new york apartment, which you -- you had a bitchen. will you explain -- 'cause i feel like it did not catch on as i wanted to. will you explain again what a bitchen is? >> i feel probably, a lot of people can relate to a bitchen, at least in my life. i think i made up -- no, i didn't make up the name. one of my roommates -- a roommate of mine made up the name. it's when your bedroom and your kitchen are combined into one. [ light laughter ] it's when you have to sleep where your kitchen is. and i did that for a long time, where -- and it wasn't even a kitchen. it's just a wall. >> seth: yeah. >> with a refrigerator and a -- sort of a hot plate. >> seth: and i feel like people are thinking, "oh my goodness, that sounds terrible." but i feel like they don't have the full sense of it, because i believe it was bunk beds. >> yeah, they were bunk beds. >> seth: you didn't even have your own bitchen. >> no. >> seth: you shared a
bedroom-kitchen. >> tommy hellringer, i did, yeah. we shared, and he generously -- because i made -- him slept on the top bunk. so i felt like i was really -- i mean, i was queen sheeba in my apartment. >> seth: the top bunk is always a little harrowing, even more so when you might accidentally step on an oven, on your way down. >> yeah. that was a hazardous place to live. >> seth: you have a new place, though. are you happy? >> i'm so excited about my new place. i have so many ideas for the future. >> seth: so you haven't done any of them yet. >> none. i'm an idea saver. >> seth: are you the kind of person that follows through on your ideas? >> oh, god, seth, i'm trying. i'm trying. i mean, i have some ideas. first of all, i'm thinking about getting a dog. >> seth: okay. >> and i don't know if that's a good idea or not. i -- i think it's a good idea. >> seth: what are the parts of you that's telling you it's a bad idea. >> well, i travel a lot. but i also have -- you know, i
have a lot of friends and i have an apartment that has two bedrooms and a kitchen. and a living room. [ laughter ] so there's plenty of room for people to stay -- >> seth: i assumed your next apartment would at least have a litchen. so your living room would be a kitchen. the fact you went to a living room and a kitchen -- >> oh, my gosh, you made up a new word. >> seth: i did, yeah. >> i have a litchen. >> seth: and that one is on me. you didn't make that one up. your buddy didn't make it up. that one's mine. >> no, that's a really good one. i appreciate that. >> seth: so what kind of dog would you get? >> a small one that needs a home. >> seth: oh, look at you. >> so if anybody knows a dog that can sit on my lap. but i have space now. and an -- i'm also thinking about getting a car. >> seth: okay. >> and in the past week, i've said that i'm thinking about getting a car. and two people, without me bringing this up, led with, like, you seem like you'd be a terrible driver. [ laughter ] >> seth: really? with no -- they didn't see you drive ever? >> no. and just in the conversation, just peppered it in. >> seth: wow. are you?
>> i mean -- like -- [ laughter ] i'm not -- i just didn't really grow up with driving. >> seth: okay. >> i didn't really grow up with it. >> seth: well, that's fine -- ultimately, though, when you're on the road and someone is a bad driver, you're not interested in what their back story is. you're just like, "that's a [ bleep ] driver." >> that's a really legitimate point. i appreciate that. >> seth: when somebody cuts me off, i didn't think, well, maybe they didn't drive up with a car. >> maybe they didn't -- >> seth: maybe they didn't grow up with a car. >> right, right. so, i mean, there's that to think about. but i do think that it could be helpful in getting out of the city. >> seth: they're incredibly helpful in getting out of the city. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: it's one of the top two ways, still. [ laughter ] so, all right. so dog, car, apartment. like i say, exciting times. >> i know! >> seth: and then true story, are you -- on top of all of this, you still have time to learn spanish? >> yes! i'm sorry. i forgot i told you. i told kevin about that. i'm so excited. i'm learning spanish. >> seth: that's great. what brought this on? >> well, i made -- i made a film in spain. >> seth: okay. >> i was in spain for three
months. and it's beautiful country. >> seth: yep. >> and -- you know, i think americans are -- we're the only people that only know one language. >> seth: absolutely. >> it's very embarrassing. and i think i travel enough. you know? and also, i want to be ready to get out of the country. >> seth: oh, i see. >> depending on what happens. >> seth: you want an exit strategy. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] so i'm like, i'm outy. >> seth: so depending on what happens, if you even speak spanish, it might not be up to you. >> i know! [ laughter ] so i'm taking care of it now. i'm going to figure it out. >> seth: and then, on top of this all, you're shooting the fifth season, season four is out. congratulations. >> thank you. >> seth: you know the show is picked up for seven seasons, which must be incredible as an actor. >> yeah. it's amazing. i mean, it's amazing. i think that you so rarely -- any -- nobody has any stability in their lives. >> seth: no. >> but this is pretty amazing, to know what i'll be doing for the next three years. unless she gets killed or something.
i mean, knock on wood. >> seth: let's hope that doesn't happen. you had a lot -- you had a harrowing season four. you smoked crack. yeah. that's your take on crack? >> jesus. it was a nightmare. >> seth: what did you smoke when it was supposed to be crack. >> it was nothing. i will tell you i -- okay, so apparently laura prepon and natasha leon, they really knew their way around a crack pipe. [ laughter ] but i -- i didn't. i didn't. so i picked it up, i like -- what i did -- [ light laughter ] so i picked it up. i picked it up -- i picked it up by the wrong end at one point. >> seth: oh, i've been at crack parties. it is so embarrassing. [ laughter ] when you pick up a crack pipe by the wrong end, you can feel all the crackheads being like -- [ laughter ] >> get her out of the party. >> seth: yeah. get her out of this burned out hotel. >> yeah, right. and i burned myself really badly.
>> seth: okay. >> i was really hurt. so, i mean, i don't know. why did i tell you that? >> seth: i don't know. i guess you -- ultimately, you're saying even -- >> is that like a funny story with the crack pipe? >> seth: no, i think it's good. because it's a cautionary tale to kids out there, even the smoking of the crack -- >> is dangerous. >> seth: is dangerous. even like the actual physical getting the pipe to the mouth, you could hurt yourself. that's before you even ingest crack. [ laughter ] so there's a lot of levels. i think people think, "oh, it will be fine as long as i" -- >> hang out with me. >> seth: yeah. and then what else? you got branded this year. >> most certainly did. >> seth: harrowing, as well. >> yeah. no, it was a really upsetting season. >> seth: there was a lot of upsetting things that happened. >> piper is not doing well. >> seth: and you -- obviously, one of the great things about the show, it's hard at times, because cast members leave, but then a lot of other cast members come in. >> yeah. >> seth: you probably have one of the largest casts of any show on television. is it hard to keep track of or is it lovely to be on a show with that many people? >> i don't know who they are any more.
[ laughter ] there's like 150 people on our show. >> seth: yeah. >> it's like -- >> seth: is that the first time you felt like a parent? >> hello, welcome. thank you. yeah, i just feel like i introduce myself. i don't know if they're on the show or if they're -- you know, like working behind the scenes. >> seth: just wandered in. >> i don't know what they're doing all of the time. but we have a great time. >> seth: yeah. >> once we get to know each other. >> seth: that's great. >> you know. >> seth: and is it weird having -- 'cause again, it must be fun backstage, but you're also in a prison. do you ever think this is more fun than you're supposed to have in prison? >> yes. >> seth: yeah. >> yes, yes. i mean, the prison is a terrible thing. a terrible thing. >> seth: it comes across that way. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: it does. i wasn't asking, like, is it as much fun as it looks? >> yeah, right. right. prison. you know -- woo! it's like not that. >> seth: so again, there are so many good cautionary tales. >> thank you. >> seth: the things i would think we have learned from you is don't smoke crack, don't go
to prison, and if they see you coming down the road just get out of the way, because you're a terrible driver. [ laughter ] thank you so much for being back! taylor schilling, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] "orange is the new black" is currently streaming on netflix. we'll be right back with simon pegg. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ breyers peanut butter gelato,
rich chocolate sauce. peanut butter cups. tonight is perfect. can someone read me another story? daddd? mmm coming breyers gelato indulgences it's way beyond ice cream. time is the most valuable thing there is. [cuckoo cuckoo] people try to beat time... [scream] ...but time always wins. our greatest fear is running out of time. there's a bomb in the salsa can! we gotta get out of here! my phone's still charging! so if time is the most valuable thing there is, why would you waste more than you have to charging your phone? why would you waste more than you have to charging your phone? [explosion] [explosion] ahhhhhhhh! the galaxy s7 edge, with fast wireless charging and our longest lasting battery. whe gets a ready for you alert the second his room is ready. so you know what he gives? i'll give you everything i've got and then some. he gives a hundred and ten percent! i'm confident this 10% can boost your market share. feel me lois?
i'm feeling you. boom! look at that pie chart. the ready for you alert, only at laquinta.com. or savory wood-fire grilled an chicken,'s fresh summer salad, we'll give you both for just $8.99. applebee's new wood fired grill salads starting at $8.99 for a limited time this summer. only at applebee's. for four years. you named it brad. you loved brad. and then you totaled him. you two had been through everything together. two boyfriends, three jobs... you're like nothing can replace brad. then liberty mutual calls... and you break into your happy dance. if you sign up for better car replacement™, we'll pay for a car that's a model year newer with 15,000 fewer miles than your old one. liberty stands with you™. liberty mutual insurance.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest is a talented actor and writer you know from movies like, "shaun of the dead", "hot fuzz", and "mission: impossible" franchise. he co-wrote and stars in the highly-anticipated blockbuster, "star trek beyond", which is in theaters and imax 3d this friday. let's take a look.
>> you're not with those bastards that killed my ship, are you? i'll take that as a no. >> he is krall. he is the reason why you're here. come with me. now! >> wait, now, hang on a minute, lassie. i'm having a difficult day here. i've got to find my crew mates. >> you help me, and i help you. >> all right. well, things being as they are, i doubt i'll get a better offer today, so lead the way. >> good. i am jaylah. and you are montgomery scott. >> hi, scottie. >> seth: please welcome to the show, simon pegg. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: so happy to have you here. >> i'm so happy to be here. >> seth: and i'm so happy you're in the film. i'm so happy you co-wrote it. this is the 13th film of the enterprise, yes? >> it is, yes. technically, yeah. >> seth: all right, so i'm glad
we've established. this is an odd-numbered "star trek" film. >> yes, i know where you're going. >> seth: so i first was introduced you, you had a show called "spaced" that was in the u.k. >> yup. >> seth: a fantastic show, and you famously in the show, established that you believed odd-numbered "star trek" films were not good. >> that is correct. i actually said it in the past. >> seth: yeah. >> and it has come back to haunt me quite horribly. >> seth: because now you're doing it. well, let's actually show the clip, and then talk about how crazy it is you're actually doing this. >> it's a fact, sure as day follows night, sure as eggs is eggs, sure as every odd-numbered "star trek" movie is [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> seth: so when you realized you were being asked to do an odd-numbered "star trek" film, were you worried at all? >> it did dawn on me. i really want to go back in time and just step out of a sort of time portal and go, "you're going to write 13 in 15 years. goodbye!" >> seth: which is double unlucky. not only that, it's odd-numbered, and you got 13. >> i know, i know. it's extraordinary. you know, life is a strange thing. >> seth: well, you know, it's -- this is constantly called out, correctly so, in articles about you. you were such a big sci-fi fan growing up. >> i was.
>> seth: and now you found your way into the sci-fi franchises. >> it's like i've crashed the party. >> seth: they do! well, they talk about it as if this is the craziest thing that's ever happened. >> yeah, i think 'cause i generally play quite ordinary people. i guess i'm quite an ordinary chap. and, you know, so you tend to play these every man, and then people just assume that, you know, that's who you are in real life, when really, i'm very special. [ laughter ] >> seth: as has been proven, i think as has been proven, you are very special. >> but nobody says that about, like, you know. i mean, if you look at tom cruise when he was young, he's looked pretty goofy, and nobody said he was ordinary. he was. he had funny teeth. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. why is your past getting raked over the coals, and tom cruise is getting off scot free? >> i guess 'cause he turned out really good. >> seth: he did turn out really good. and you did, too, but not quite tom cruise. >> thanks, seth. i know, i know. [ laughter ] >> seth: it's true. >> yeah, it's true. it's funny because it's true. >> seth: now, you have -- j.j. abrams approaches you to write this film. again, being in the "star trek" films must have been incredible. were you nervous when you first took on the job of writing?
>> oh, terrified. he asked me to do it, and i just went "yes!" knowing that it was a silly thing to say. but i couldn't say no, because obviously, it's much better to regret something you've done than something you haven't done. and i thought, "no, just go for it." but it was tough. we had a very short space of time to write it. they had a screen play, and they decided to go in a different direction, so we completely started again last january. >> seth: wow. >> and started shooting in june, so it was very, very sudden and scary. >> seth: you can't show up day-of on a "star trek" movie and say, "we need this space ship." you've got to get those drafts in pretty early. >> me and doug jung, my co-writer, my brilliant co-writer, would lock ourselves in a room, while the props department were literally like, "what can we build? what can we build? what can we design?" and we were like, "we don't know yet! we don't know yet!" it was that kind of tense the whole way through. >> seth: this is -- i'm so delighted by how the character, jaylah from the clip -- >> yes. >> seth: how her name came to be. please tell the story, because this is truly hard to believe. >> well, you know what, if
you're writing -- when you're writing a $200 million film, you know what it's like. [ laughter ] we've all been there. you sort of come up with a new character, and the first thing you do is, you go to a kind of good reference point that everyone in the room knows. so we wanted this young, resourceful female who was out on her own. she was incredibly adept at looking after herself, tenacious. and we thought she is like jennifer lawrence in "winter's bone." >> seth: yeah. >> that was our kind of, you know, jennifer lawrence in "winter's bone" comes in and she see scottie, and jennifer lawrence in "winter's bone" kicks this guy in the face, and it became slightly arduous to say jennifer lawrence from "winter's bone" -- >> seth: right. >> every time we spoke about the character. so we shortened it to j-law, and then, eventually, when we decided to have to a proper name for her, we just called her jaylah, because we couldn't be asked to think of anything else. >> seth: so that's j-law in space, basically? space j-law. >> so jennifer lawrence, thank you for such a warm and brave performance in "winter's bone." you changed science-fiction history. >> seth: there you go, fantastic. now, obviously, when you're a kid being on the set of a "star trek" film would probably have blown your mind. >> yes. >> seth: do you have children? >> i do. >> seth: are their minds blown by your sci-fi accomplishments?
>> less than i'd like. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> tilly, my daughter, tilly, i took her on -- she's been on the set of "star trek", "star wars." >> seth: uh-huh. >> she kind of, like -- she just takes it in stride the whole time. she had a lovely little moment with bb-8 on the set of "the force awakens", like she was chatting to him for a while, and the guys were working him, so he was wobbling and shaking like a little puppy. >> seth: that's good. >> i would have fainted and gone to the toilet, if that had been me. [ laughter ] >> seth: now, i want to establish exactly how true that is, because you did have a princess leia poster? >> i did. i had a picture of carrie fisher next to my bed, which i would kiss every night before i went to sleep. [ laughter ] >> seth: like a one kiss. >> it was like a 7-year-old's kiss. >> seth: okay. >> like a passionate, when you're 7 and you kiss like what you think film stars do, you make a noise, you sort of go -- "mmm," like that. [ laughter ] every night i would say, "goodnight, mom." "good night carrie, mmm." [ laughter ] and then i wore her lips away, to a sort of faded white. [ laughter ]
my saliva kind of melted the paper. [ laughter ] but it was all very innocent and nice. >> seth: that's greta. and you had a chance to tell her that, yes? >> i did. and she asked me if i felt better for it, i said, "yes," and i walked away. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, it seems to me, you've, ultimately, the problem -- and again, it would be nice if your daughter was as impressed being on set, but you kind of ruined it for her, because you set too high a bar. chris martin is her godfather? >> yes, that's right, yeah. >> seth: she's not going to be blown away by anything you do. >> she did -- i know. the funny thing is that glastonbury festival, which is our sort of huge -- it's our coachella. it's the biggest outdoor music festival in the country. it's, like, 100 -- 200,000 people. chris, coldplay headlined sunday night, and they did an incredible job. they blew the place away. and they got their kids, chris's kids up on stage to sing the final song called, "up and up," and tilly went up as well. so she, on her first ever glastonbury, headlined the main stage on a sunday night and sang. when i went to glastonbury the first time, i was 17, and my
biggest achievement was not doing a number two for three days. [ laughter ] >> seth: you're very -- you're not living parallel lives. >> she wins that. >> seth: she wins, already. when she was talking to bb-8, she probably saying, "i'm going to open for coldplay." like, that's the difference between -- >> bb-8 was telling all his friends about it. he went straight to r2-d2. "do you know who i just met? tilly pegg!" >> seth: thank you so much for being here. congratulations on the film. >> thank you mate, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: simon pegg, everybody. "star trek beyond" is in theaters and imax 3d this friday. we'll be right back with music from maren morris. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ electricity buzzing ]
hey, you're yes, sir. clarence! you know, at the model year end clarence event, you can get a great deal on this 2016 passat. steve. yeah? clarence is on a roll. yeah. i wish they'd name an event after me. same here. but the model year end becky event? that's no good... stevent! that's just vandalism. whatever you want to call it, don't miss the volkswagen model year end event. hurry in for a one-thousand dollar volkswagen reward card and 0% apr on a new 2016 passat. just how wet and sticky your current gel antiperspirant is. now we're going to show you how degree dry spray is different. degree dry spray. degree. it won't let you down. ♪sorry i'm not love ♪
that's already a reality. mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: with her critically acclaimed, number one debut album, tonight's musical guest is a certified break out star in country music. performing her song "'80s mercedes", please welcome to the show, maren morris. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
♪ still runs good built to last moves like a hula girl on the dash ♪ ♪ she ain't made for practicality yeah i guess she's just like me ♪ ♪ it's saturday night about time to go got my white leather jacket and a neon soul ♪ ♪ once i turn on the radio i'm ready to roll ready to roll ♪ ♪ feel like a hard-to-get starlet when i'm driving turning every head hell i ain't even trying ♪ ♪ got them ray-ban shades pretty in pink call me old school but hey i'm a '90s baby ♪ ♪ in my '80s mercedes
i'm a '90s baby in my '80s mercedes ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ pop the top down like a summer dream she's my teenage time machine ♪ ♪ just keeps getting sweeter with age she's classic through any decade ♪ ♪ the suns in the sky glitter on the seats you can try but the benz is hard to beat ♪ ♪ so hey if you want you can ride with me rough ride with me ♪ ♪ feel like a hard-to-get starlet when i'm driving turning every head hell i ain't even trying ♪ ♪ got them ray-ban shades
pretty in pink call me old school but hey i'm a '90s baby ♪ ♪ in my '80s mercedes i'm a '90s baby in my '80s mercedes ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ it's saturday night about time to go got my white leather jacket and a neon soul ♪ ♪ once i turn on the radio i'm ready to roll ready to roll ♪ ♪ feel like a hard-to-get starlet when i'm driving turning every head hell i ain't even trying ♪ ♪ got them ray-ban shades pretty in pink call me old school but hey i'm a '90s baby ♪ ♪ in my '80s mercedes i'm a '90s baby in my '80s mercedes ♪
when you're the parent of a disabled child, you realize that the world can be a harsh place. but you also realize it can be a really loving, wonderful place. when i saw donald trump mock somebody who was disabled, i was appalled. you gotta see this guy... ahh, i don't know what i said, ahh, i don't remember! that reporter suffers from a chronic condition that impairs movement of his arms.
it told me everything i need to know about his heart and what he believes deep down. priorities usa action is responsible for the content of this advertising. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to taylor schilling, simon pegg, maren morris, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] atom willard, and of course, the 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ >> carson: good evening, welcome to "last call." i'm carson daly coming at you from the w hotel in new york in times square and here's what about to hit your screen