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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  August 18, 2017 12:37am-1:38am EDT

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- micheal moore, from "fargo," actress carrie coon, music from little big town, featuring the 8g band with roy mayorga. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night," how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. in that case, let's get to the news, everybody. president trump went on twitter this morning, to call monuments of the confederacy, and anti-union generals beautiful pieces of public art. dude, if you love beautiful
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statues so much, why don't you marry one? oh, okay! [ laughter ] that's fair. that's fair. new york city mayor bill de blasio announced yesterday that the city will conduct a 90-day review of all racist symbols on city property in an effort to determine which ones ought to be removed. well let me give you a head start. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] axios, today published a list of groups that president trump has alienated during his first seven months of office, and now the world is out of paper. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] in a new interview, kim kardashian revealed that she did karaoke with former president obama, said obama, that was just the national anthem. [ light laughter ]
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this week, chuck e. cheese announced plans to remove some of its animatronic performers. oh no. don't get these guys riled up again. [ laughter ] that is the pizza of this country! [ light laughter ] that mouse raised me! "american idol" is reportedly having trouble finding judges to join katy perry for its upcoming reboot. they're so desperate they're thinking of adding these two. [ light laughter ] yeah, you're right. you know what? you're right. it's been too long since right and left shark. [ light laughter ] you guys thought you were out of the woods -- no way! a man in texas accused of having sex with a chain-link fence failed to appear in court last week, and is now on the run from police, which is weird because
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it sounds like he would have a great time in the prison yard. [ laughter and applause ] a new study by economists found that income inequality in russia is reaching similar levels to that of the united states. some russians are so poor they're forced to live inside each other. [ light laughter ] i'm embarrassed by how much i like that one. [ laughter ] you were right on, you guys were right on sharks, i think you guys were a little dicky on that one. six flags over texas has announced that it will not remove a confederate flag that flies over its entrance. even worse, they're refusing to shut down the notorious gettysburg coaster. [ audience aws ]
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not real. [ light laughter ] a song which consists of nearly ten minutes of silence has made it to the top 50 purchases on the itunes charts. said mike pence, this rocks! [ laughter and applause ] users of the search engine bing noticed this morning that the site's home page image include a drawing of a penis carved into the sand of a beach. the appearance of the penis is actually the only reason why anyone has ever said, you've got to check out bing! [ laughter ] and finally today was national thrift shop day. and to celebrate, our president is 99% off. ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] his one-man play, "the terms of
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my surrender" is on broadway now, at the belasco theater, michael moore is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] for my money, no actor had a better year than her. she's emmy nominated for her performance in fx's "fargo," carrie coon joins us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] so excited to talk to her, and music from one of country music's best, little big town, everybody. so you're here on a fantastic night. [ cheers and applause ] before we get to all of that, donald trump's presidency is in a tailspin after his response to charlottesville which means once again, his aides are privately wringing their hands while staying silent in public with one exception, steve bannon who is coming to his defense. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: of course, the president has come under tremendous criticism for his response to charlottesville, but apparently for some of trump's aides the problem was not that he defended white supremacists, but that he said it out loud in front of the cameras.
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>> well aides in the west wing were frustrated, exasperated. even stunned, but not quite surprised. they were sort of stunned that he would go out and say this publicly. >> members of the president's staff stunned and disheartened, said they never expected to hear such a voluble articulation of opinions that the president had long expressed in private. >> seth: so trump's staff isn't upset he's a racist, they're upset we found out about it. [ laughter ] and of course we found out about it. donald trump is terrible at keeping secrets. trump would never last in fight club. they have this club, it is so tremendous. [ laughter ] and they have -- they have a first rule, should i tell you the first rule? i shouldn't tell you -- don't talk about fight club. it's the first rule. for his part, trump almost seemed relieved to have finally gotten off his chest how he really feels. in fact those close to him say he's happy about how his tuesday press conference turned out. >> with the country and his own
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administration reeling from president trump's shocking remarks about the charlottesville, virginia violence, sources tell cnn that the president is quote -- without regret. >> seth: of course he is. trump is incapable of feeling regret. trump feels regret as often as he feels melania's touch. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and politico -- politico reported yesterday that trump had lashed out mainly out of anger, and that his notorious temper was driving his behavior. white house officials and informal advisors say the triggers for his temper are if he thinks someone is lying to him, if he's caught by surprise, if someone criticizes him, or if someone stops him from trying to do something, or seeks to control him. so basically all the things that happen to a president every day. seriously, trump's aides talk about him like he's a caged gorilla at the zoo, which would explain this sign outside the oval office. [ laughter and applause ] did you hear that? did you hear that?
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am i the only one who heard that? so now trump's presidency is once again facing a crisis which means it's time for the well-worn ritual of trump allies, and republican leaders not courageously speaking out, but rather quietly wringing their hands, and leaking to reporters that they are frustrated and upset. >> the senate majority leader, mitch mcconnell, is privately upset with the president's handling of this episode. >> now one person who was frustrated with how today played out? chief of staff john kelly. >> this from glen thrush at "the new york times" is now reporting that gary cohn, who is the nec chair, who is jewish was quote, disgusted and quote, upset by trump's comments on white nationalists. >> seth: so they're disgusted, but not quitting. trump is turning every republican into golem from "lord of the rings." i support the president, and his agenda -- no! he's a crazy racist. he's going to get us all killed! [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
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and then -- there are the two people who were supposed to be a moderating influence on trump, his son-in-law, jared kushner and daughter ivanka. where were they during all this? according to "new york times," ivanka and kushner urged trump to take a more moderate stance, but as with so many other critical moments in trump's presidency, the two were on vacation, this time in vermont. oh that is bernie sanders' worst nightmare. [ light laughter ] his home state infiltrated by a millionaire, and a billionaire. also, how often do these two go on vacation? every time something goes haywire in the trump administration it seems like they're nowhere to be found? when don junior's emails with the russian lawyer surfaced in july, they were at a conference in sun valley, idaho. when trump was nearing the 100-day milestone with no accomplishments to showcase, they were in whistler, canada for a passover ski trip. that's right. a passover ski trip. [ light laughter ] i hope they left the seat open for elijah. [ laughter ]
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[ cheers and applause ] but not all of trump's aides and allies tried to distance themselves from trump's unhinged press conference. there's also trump's chief strategist, steve bannon, whose ties to white nationalists are well known which is odd because no one disproves the idea that white people are a master race more than steve bannon. look at him. if he tried to do a nazi salute, he would throw his back out. he looks like the discarded skin suit used by the alien from "men in black." [ laughter and applause ] bannon -- bannon was apparently delighted that the president defended white supremacists. in fact in a rare on-the-record interview yesterday, bannon gleefully celebrated the fact that the national conversation has been dominated by the white supremacist rally, and the ensuing outrage. he said this to the american prospect about the democrats, the longer they talk about identity politics, i got them. i want them to talk about racism
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every day. if the left is focused on race and identity, and we go with economic nationalism, we can crush the democrats. hey, man, are you trying to sound evil? [ light laughter ] i guess it's no coincidence that you look like quatto from "total recall." shout-out andy samberg. [ laughter and applause ] on top of that, bannon was defiant when asked about his rivals within the white house. when asked about the more moderate, business-friendly wing of the trump administration that opposes him, bannon said they're wetting themselves. to be fair, you'd wet yourself too, if you saw steve bannon. he's the guy you see in a horror movie when you close the medicine cabinet. now, the timing of bannon's sudden publicity tour is interesting, because with trump's new chief of staff john kelly trying to put an end to white house chaos and in-fighting, and after the nearly universal criticism of trump's charlottesville response, word started to spread that bannon's job was in jeopardy. >> if steve bannon was ever in jeopardy, you know, this would
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be the time when he would be in the maximum jeopardy. >> bannon knows he's fighting for his job. >> steve bannon allies, they do say this feels very grim for him. it's a bad moment. the death watch feels real. >> the articles on mr. bannon calling him kind of an exile within the west wing. here's "new york times," bannon in limbo. >> seth: i don't know if he can limbo, but i'll bet he's been found under the bar a few times. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] we have a white house paralyzed by chaos, a president who defends white supremacists, and a chief strategist who gleefully eggs him on. gop leaders and trump aides who say they're is disgusted have to actually do something to stop this because as of now this guy might be the president, but he's got this guy lurking right behind him. this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with michael moore, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> for more of seth's closer looks, be sure to subscribe to "late night" on youtube.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. give it up for the 8g band, right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also all week long we've had the fantastic drummer from the grammy-nominated rock band stone sour with us, whose new album "hydrograd" is out now. and be sure to check them out on tour all across the country this fall, roy mayorga everybody. thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you so much for having me, seth. >> seth: it's been a great week. it's been fantastic.
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>> thank you. >> seth: our first guest tonight is the academy award-winning filmmaker of documentaries like "roger and me," "bowling for columbine," and "fahrenheit 9/11." his one man show, "the terms of my surrender," is playing at the belasco theater on broadway. please welcome back to the show, michael moore, everybody! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome! >> thank you. >> seth: how are you? >> i'm well, thank you for asking. >> seth: so this is very exciting. you're doing a broadway show. you're doing it every night. obviously one of the risks, i would think, of doing a show, is that if you have to do the same material every night. you went a little outside of what you usually did. you took your whole audience and you went and protested at trump tower. >> yes. at the end of the show the other night, i asked them, because trump had just arrived in town. >> seth: yeah. >> and, by the way, i'm glad he waited after going to
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west virginia and ohio, he comes to new york. he waited until he got here to announce his support for the confederacy. >> seth: yes. very strange. >> i just thought that was very -- >> seth: yeah. >> very smart. and -- [ laughter and applause ] i asked -- i asked the audience, at the end, "how would you like to go over to trump tower and greet him? he hasn't stayed overnight here since -- >> seth: yeah. >> the inauguration. >> seth: and it was -- you had some -- here you are -- there you are with olivia wilde. >> yes, she was there. >> seth: screaming and yelling. >> yes. >> seth: there's mark ruffalo. >> marissa tomei. fisher stevens. >> seth: fisher stevens. and -- [ cheers and applause ] how much do you think -- >> we put everybody on double-decker buses. >> seth: oh, wow. so you just bussed everyone over. >> from the theater. yes, over there. and he wouldn't see us. >> seth: he wouldn't see you? >> no, no. [ laughter ] >> seth: did you feel -- how much do you think it hurts him when new yorkers are upset to see him? >> a lot. >> seth: yeah. >> a lot. i was there at the very first demonstration, the night after he was elected. >> seth: yeah. >> and -- [ laughter ] well legally, the legal term is appointed by the electoral
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college. >> seth: yeah. sure, yeah. >> but he was -- he was tweeting at us from up there. >> seth: yeah. >> like protesters -- protesters say i'm not legitimate. unfair! [ laughter and applause ] wow, you know. and so we went back, this time and i thought -- certainly with marissa tomei and olivia wilde. right? >> seth: yeah. >> that would really upset him. >> seth: yeah, no. i think you're right. >> you know -- >> seth: that's his -- the demographic he would like to appeal to the most. >> yes. he would like to believe that they like him. >> seth: now, you're show, one of the things on your show is the 12-step program for helping people sort of deal with this trump presidency. and you've just added a another step. >> yes. yes. the new step, i just added it last night, was, we have to sober the [ bleep ] up. >> seth: okay, great. [ laughter ] so, what do you mean? [ applause ] >> i mean -- what i mean by that is we have to keep -- oh, he's going to be impeached. oh, every time something happens, james comey.
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is that i tell everybody in the audience, please put your whiskey bottles and your flasks on the table right now. because every month you're drinking from a new -- you know, james comey, that's the end of him. [ laughter ] you know, well russia, that's going to be the end of him. [ laughter ] you know, and it's -- it's -- and now this week, the press conference and -- >> seth: yeah. >> the ceos dessert him. you know, oh, that will be the end of him now. you know and -- no. >> seth: yes. so we're giving ourselves cirrhosis in the liver and he's fine. >> he's -- he's not going anywhere. >> seth: yeah. >> he's not the teflon president. teflon implies you have to be in the pan. he's not even in the pan. >> seth: yeah. >> this guy gets away with everything. he's the republicans -- i'm sorry to say this, they're not going to impeach him. >> seth: right. >> they're not -- they've already pulled their gerrymander districts and they know most of them think they're going to get re-elected. so they're not gonna impeach him. mueller, the special prosecutor, he can't indict the president, he can be indicted after he's impeached and -- i think, i was telling your producer backstage.
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i think the problem is going to be, that when he is indicted or arrested, do we try him as an adult? >> seth: yeah, that's a good question. [ cheers and applause ] i hadn't even thought about that. really problematic. >> i think he has to be tried as an adult. >> seth: but this is interesting. because -- don't -- do you think -- because i think there's this issue now is the democratic party, sort of hoping for you know, something to fall from the heavens to fix this. and not focusing enough on being a strong party. do you think the focus needs to be on the mid-terms? or do you think that is a lost cause? >> not -- we only have to flip 24 of the republican seats. there's 435 seats in the house. to get the house back, we only need 24. in the senate, we only need three. are we that much of a loser group of people? that we can't get three? i mean -- let me give you the statistic. most people don't realize this. in the last seven presidential elections, the democrats has won the popular vote in six of them.
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six of the last seven. the republicans have only won the popular vote once. in the last 30 years. once since 1988. the american people want the democrat. they want the liberal agenda. they believe women should be paid the same as men. they believe that there's climate change. [ cheers and applause ] they believe in stronger gun control laws. that's our fellow americans. and yet, we hold no power. >> seth: and you point this out in your show that donald trump, you need everybody to admit, that's the first step, is that donald trump outsmarted us. >> you have to say, donald trump outsmarted us all. and then deal with the throw-up that's in your mouth. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] but i think that's fair to say. >> it's the truth. >> seth: you have to give credit there. >> i mean, generally in a game? the person who wins the game obviously was better at least that day. >> seth: yeah. >> and he figured it out. he was smart enough to -- to convince eight million obama voters to vote for him. smart enough -- >> seth: which is still -- yeah. >> he smart enough to -- he was smart enough to convince the majority of white women to vote for him. 53% of white women voted for
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him. smart enough -- he was smart enough to know where the state of wisconsin was and go there. >> seth: go there. that's a big deal. yeah. >> go there. and i think that he -- you know, he knew the right things to say, because he was a tv star. he knew how to communicate on tv. you keep it simple. you know and i are going to do eight minutes here. >> seth: yeah. >> we're not going to do a six-hour harangue on the emoluments clause of the us constitution. >> seth: no. we'll keep it simple for tv. >> right? >> seth: you, obviously are very -- of course -- one of the things you railed against is the republican or i say the conservative belief system. >> yes. >> seth: but that is an actual belief system. do you prefer that to what donald trump is? >> i actually -- i actually do. people are worried that, well if we get rid of trump we'll have pence. i say no, don't be worried about that. pence actually believes in things. we can have the great debate with him. he believes in gay conversion. he believes gay people can be converted. he believes that adam and eve rode on dinosaurs 6,000 years ago. [ laughter ] but we can have that debate with him. and because the majority of americans don't want the
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republicans in charge, we can win the debate. because most americans will agree with us. with trump, he doesn't, he believes -- his belief system is donald j. trump. that's it. >> seth: yeah. >> that's all he believes in is himself and what kind of money he can make for himself and his family. and that's a much more dangerous, i think, situation to be in. we've got him out there in bedminster. >> seth: yeah. >> you know, last week. bedminster, new jersey, threatening nuclear war from a golf club. and i -- [ light laughter ] i know you've made jokes about this here, but it's kind of like seriously, anybody who lives in the new york area has any good idea ever come out of bedminster, new jersey? [ laughter ] certainly not blowing up the world. >> seth: no, you wouldn't want that to come out of bedminster. >> i think. >> seth: well congratulations on the show. and i know it's going until october, is that right? >> yep. until the end of october. it's -- i'm having, it's a great -- i want people to come see this, because it's very -- something i can't do in the movies. >> seth: yeah.
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>> it's live, it's in the room. it's different every night. and it's a piece of theater that i've written for the times in which we live. and i welcome people to come and i made it part of my deal, because you know how expensive broadway is. >> seth: yeah, it's very expensive. >> that the whole balcony is $29. >> seth: oh, that's fantastic. >> so people could come. so it's -- >> seth: man of the people. >> if you don't have $29, i'll help you out! >> seth: michael moore, everybody. "the terms of my surrender," at the belasco, on broadway. we'll be right back with carrie coon. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ this golden opportunity features steel titanium and carbon fiber. raw elements made exhilarating... by lexus. experience uncompromising performance at the lexus golden opportunity sales event before it ends. choose from the is turbo, es 350 or nx turbo
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: our next guest is an emmy and tony-nominated actress who will star in the new off-broadway play, "mary jane" which starts previews on september 6th. you've also seen her in tv shows like "the leftovers" and "fargo," let's take a look. >> what are we talking about here? >> i didn't get your name. >> true. >> this is mr. -- >> i'm an associate of mr. stassi's is all you need to know for now. >> associate in what capacity? >> ladies who --
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>> we'll come back to that. >> seth: please welcome to the show, the very talented carrie coon, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: how are you? >> i'm so great! [ cheers and applause ] oh, my gosh! >> seth: i've been such a fan of yours for so long. >> thank you. >> seth: and this year, just a fantastic year. "the leftovers" ended, which was such a wonderful show, "fargo" such a great season. you're emmy nominated for "fargo." congratulations for that. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. >> seth: and i have some questions about those shows. but i also -- i'm always fascinated by what people did in their early life. before they were actors. you worked at a best buy. >> i did. >> seth: in, near cleveland. >> near akron. >> seth: near akron, of course. and that makes even more sense,
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because a young lebron james would come to the best buy. >> yes, he did. he would come all the time. he was so tall. >> seth: yeah. >> and he would come to my brother's theater. he worked at a regal cinema. and it was very personal for us, always, this lebron james business. because my brother told my mother that if lebron left cleveland that he wasn't going to propose to his girlfriend. >> seth: oh, no. [ light laughter ] >> and so i was watching -- my parents were visiting me in grad school or something, and we were watching the decision on tv. and as soon as he said it my mom burst into tears. >> seth: oh no. [ light laughter ] >> 'cause she was horrified. now, my brother was just, you know, buying some time. he didn't really mean it. >> seth: yeah. >> she's a fantastic woman, they're married, they're very happy. >> seth: okay, good. [ light laughter ] >> has a happy ending. >> seth: it does because, also, 'cause lebron came back. and that allowed -- yes. >> yes, of course. >> seth: that allowed for their love to flourish. >> and we were happy to have him, because we really needed a win. let's be clear about that. >> seth: i'm glad you got one. >> yes, thank you. >> seth: hopefully you'll bring an emmy back to cleveland. >> oh my gosh, i hope. >> seth: yeah, that would be great. >> i don't think so. [ laughter ] >> seth: you don't think you'll win or you don't think you'll bring it back to cleveland if you do? >> oh well -- >> seth: yeah. oh, back to akron. >> touché, touche. >> jimmy: i keep calling cleveland --
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>> close enough. >> seth: i want to ask about this, because both "the leftovers" and "fargo," i would say had sort of -- there was a bit of vagueness to the endings. >> yes. >> seth: which is very much in line with what those shows are. but you have not -- in interviews you have not gone out of your way to try to explain to audiences what you think as an actress happened. is that, was that a choice you made? >> absolutely. because a, who cares what i think? and i say that because -- you know, what's important is not the experience that i have. it's the experience that you have. and i wouldn't want to rob anybody of that moment of sitting with what happens in those shows and thinking about for themselves what they believe. because what it does is it reveals more about you than it does about me. i had an acting teacher that used to say, i would always be crying in scenes, you know. he would be like carrie, dry it up. [ light laughter ] like it doesn't matter if you cry. it matters if we cry. i think that's absolutely right. >> seth: that's great. >> i'm just captain ambiguity. i'll do all your ambiguous endings. >> seth: thank you. [ light laughter ] and then, i have not been able to stop thinking about the end of "the leftovers." you obviously played that character, nora for a very long time, three seasons. now that you've been gone from
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it for a while, do you still feel a connection with that character? >> oh, sure. i mean, she taught me a lot about -- how to walk into a room. you know she's -- she's much, she's much less compromising than me. i was such a people-pleaser in my 20s, you know. and i think she just didn't put up with any of that. >> seth: yeah. >> and it really changed the way that i, that i sort of stand and -- be. >> seth: that's fantastic. >> yeah. >> seth: what a gift to get from a role. >> absolutely. >> seth: that's fantastic. >> it's the best part of my job. >> seth: you -- another good part of one of your acting roles is you met your husband in a play. >> i did. >> seth: tracy letts, a fantastic actor and writer. >> yeah, he's pretty great. >> seth: though, you met him on a production of "who's afraid of virginia wolf," which is not where you think like marriage is great. [ laughter ] >> no, it's not usually, it's not usually an endorsement of marriage. >> seth: yeah. >> but in fact, i think our production was so successful because, you know, pam mckinnon our director and then tracy and amy, who were playing george and martha. they approached it as a love story. and i remember talking about it, they said it's a love story and tracy would always say, "wouldn't you want your partner to fight for you that hard?"
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and that was such a beautiful way of thinking about that play. >> seth: yeah. that is definitely not -- i need to go back and watch it again. [ light laughter ] >> yeah, you should. it still works. it's a very good play. >> seth: no, i've never been bored ever watching it. >> fantastic. >> seth: and you and i have something similar. which i've told this story on the show before. when i got married, the day of our wedding, my wife had food poisoning and we actually had to go to the emergency room in the morning. it all worked out. but you had one, you didn't even get out of the hospital. >> no, unfortunately. you know, in illinois when you get married, you have 60 days. and then -- >> seth: what do you mean, you have 60 days? >> well, you have to register. >> seth: okay. >> and if you don't get married in 60 days, you have to go and pay and reregister. and nobody wants to do that. >> seth: right. >> and when it was day 59, i was actually doing "gone girl" in l.a. >> seth: so wait, why did you wait so long -- why did you let it get to day 59? >> because we're actors. we hardly see each other. >> seth: okay, gotcha. [ light laughter ] >> i've been married four years, it feels like one and a half. >> seth: okay, great. >> so, i came home the night before it was going to expire, and said, we have to go tomorrow. and he said "yeah, yeah, yeah. i'm not feeling very well." we go to the emergency room, he has emergency gallbladder removal surgery on saturday. so by sunday our registration was actually dead. but i came -- i brought our rings and a little dress, and i
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said "is there a chaplain in the house?" i was actually talking to my mom, my little dress was on a chair and i was in tracy's t-shirt and some, you know, rippy socks and she just walked in. she's like "hello, i'm robin, i'm going to do a wedding." and i was like, "i've got to go i'm getting married." [ light laughter ] and so, she made up this lutheran ceremony. it was just the three of us. and my husband was so high. >> seth: oh, that's great. [ laughter and applause ] >> he was so high. >> seth: was he -- could he get up? >> no, no, no. >> seth: no, he was in bed? >> oh, in bed. and like, his gown was slightly off the shoulder you know, he was just like so high. [ light laughter ] >> seth: he probably -- my dream was always an off-the-shoulder gown. [ laughter ] my wife wouldn't let me do it so -- >> she was able, her gown probably fit really easily. >> seth: yeah, she did really good. she cleared out everything. she was ready to go. >> good for her. that's the way to do it. >> seth: that's the way to do it. like you don't need to go on a diet. just get a little food poisoning right at the end. [ light laughter ] >> something, absolutely. >> seth: and i think you have an anniversary coming up? >> yeah, end of the month. i always get the day mixed up because we actually cheated by back-dating it one day because it was expired. so i think it's the 30th. >> seth: 30th, right. >> state of illinois. it's the 30th.
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[ laughter and applause ] >> seth: i'll make sure to send flowers on that day. >> happy anniversary to you, too. >> seth: thank you very much. september 1st. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> seth: carrie coon, everybody! "mary jane" starts previews on september 6th, and officially opens on september 25th at the new york theater workshop, we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ introducing the new moto z with moto mods. hello moto. ♪ ♪ (3-2-1 liftoff) ♪ ♪ (gasps) (oh!) (cheering) buy the new moto z with shattershield, and you'll get a free projector mod. hello moto. ball park franks got their right here in the ballpark. they soon became a summer tradition, passed from one generation to the next.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. it's that time, it's that sacred time. it's time once again for "popsicle schtick." [ applause ] ♪ >> seth: for those of you who don't, know this is a bit where my writers come up with bad terrible jokes, jokes so bad they belong on a popsicle stick. [ light laughter ] and then they try to save these terrible jokes with what they call kick-ass graphics. [ light laughter ] here we go. what did one trump say to the other trump? [ slurping ] pardon me? [ light laughter ] >> popsicle schtick!" [ light laughter ] >> seth: what kind of boxer psychoanalyzes his opponents? [ slurps ] freud mayweather.
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[ laughter and applause ] [ audience ohs ] >> mambo and popsicle shtick! [ explosion ] [ laughter ] >> seth: why did the pirate watch eight straight episodes of "jeopardy"? [ slurping ] it was on his dv-arrr! [ light laughter ] ♪ ♪ you must schtick it when popsicle comes along you must schtick it schtick it ♪ ♪ schtick it good now schtick it schtick it good crack that schtick ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: what do you call big foot when he talks back? [ slurping ] sass-quatch. [ laughter and applause ] >> hi, i'm popsicle. and this is "schtick-ass." [ laughter ] [ cracking ] [ screaming ] [ siren ] >> wait, my legs!
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[ braking ] >> oh geez, i can't believe we forgot his legs. [ laughter ] [ siren ] [ light laughter ] [ scattered applause ] >> seth: where do dumb people find love? [ slurping ] okay stupid. [ laughter ] >> are you a small wooden stick looking for that extra boost in the bedroom? do you want more confidence in your ability to be ready at any time? ask your doctor if "popsicle schtick" is right for you. [ light laughter ] "popsicle schtick" isn't for everyone. if you or your partner likes the "new yorker" you may react poorly to "popsicle schtick." [ light laughter ] "popsicle schtick" may cause nausea, dizziness, gout and will cause blindness. [ light laughter ] contact your doctor if your schtick lasts longer than five hours. [ light laughter ] get back to doing what you love. with "popsicle schtick." [ spring mattress bouncing ] [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause ]
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>> with "popsicle schtick." "late night with seth meyers" is not responsible for any injuries incurred with a rock-hard "popsicle schtick." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: next up, what is king tut's favorite band? [ slurping ] pharaoh-smith. [ light laughter ] ♪ ♪ some posicles stand in the darkness afraid to step into the light some popsicles ♪ ♪ need to help somebody ♪ don't you worry it's gonna popsicle schtick 'cause i'm always ready i won't let you ♪ ♪ popsicle schtick
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i'll be there i'll be stuck in a chair oh don't you fear ♪ ♪ i'll be ready forever and always a popsicle stick ♪ ♪ [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: well don't worry, i'm confident the next one won't be that long. [ light laughter ] what's an iowan's favorite adult website? [ slurping ] cornhub. ♪ ♪ the sticks are alive with the sound of popsicles with songs they have ♪ ♪ schticked for a thousand years
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the schticks fill my heart with ♪ ♪ the sound of popsicles my heart wants to schtick every song it hears ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ berry grape lemon blueberry apple fudgesicle creamsicle orange and pineapple ♪ ♪ firecracker sour cherry red as bricks these are a few of my favorite schticks ♪ ♪ when the shell bites when the news stings when i'm feeling sad i simply remember ♪ ♪ my favorite schticks and then i don't feel so bad ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ i am schtick-teen going on seven schtick
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i know that i'm naïve popsicles i meet may ♪ ♪ tell me i'm sweet and willingly i believe i need someone more like a popsicle ♪ ♪ telling me what to do you are seven-schtick going on schtick-teen i'll depend on you ♪ [ light laughter ] ♪ so long farewell auf wiedersehen good night i hate to go ♪ ♪ and leave this pretty schtick so long farewell auf wiedersehen ♪ >> good-bye mother [ bleep ] [ laughter and applause ] [ gunshots ] [ cheers and applause ]
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[ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: [ bleep ] not, schticks! this has been "popsicle schtick." we'll be right back with more "late night"! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ that's the new rockstar. ♪ ♪ all jeans on sale, up to fifty percent off. no time to spare! amay your love for each other never be eclipsed.
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tim and charlie, 4th graders. 3rd graders today, they don't know how easy they've got it. their new gogurt tubes are easy open. those things used to be impossible. and p.e. consist of sitting around on mats. now everybody breathe. hippies. what are they gonna work on tomorrow? blinking? new ez open gogurt. kids never had it so easy.
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[ cheers and applause6] ♪ >> seth: my next guests are the reigning acn and cma vocal group of the year and a grammy award winning country music group. here to perform their new single, "when someone stops loving you," from their chart-topping album "the breaker," please welcome little big town! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ still gotta walk into a crowded room with the radio ♪ ♪ crack a smile and crack a beer like it don't bother you ♪ ♪ like it ain't your song that's on still gotta cross the bridge to get to work the one by her place ♪
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♪ make it through the nine to five like it don't hurt it goes that way when someone stops loving you ♪ ♪ it don't make the evening news it don't keep the sun from rising the clock from winding ♪ ♪ heart from beating even when you want it to when someone stops loving you ♪ ♪ still gotta button up your collared shirt the one she used to button down ♪ ♪ sleep on the mattress where her body left a curve
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or maybe just the couch ♪ ♪ still gotta keep her number in your phone in case she calls back one night when she's drunk and all alone ♪ ♪ yeah you pray for that when someone stops loving you it don't make the evening news ♪ ♪ it don't keep the sun from rising the clock from winding your heart from beating even when you want it to ♪ ♪ when someone stops loving you ♪ ♪ ♪ the hardest part about it is there ain't a switch that you can flip ♪
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♪ cause you can't stop loving them when someone stops loving you ♪ ♪ when someone stops loving you it don't keep the sun from rising the clock from winding ♪ ♪ heart from beating even when you want it to when someone stops loving you ♪ ♪ when someone stops loving you when someone stops loving you ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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♪ seed to the oat to the o, to the bowl to the spo♪n ♪ bowl to the spoon, to the mouth of the boy in the room ♪ room for that goodness... inside him to bloom ♪ ♪ good goes around... and around... and around ♪ ♪ seed to the oat to the o, on the first day of school ♪ ♪ schoolin' your sister on why...and just how to be cool ♪ cool if she hangs, you can show her what's go♪d ♪ good goes around...and around...and around ♪ ♪ good goes around and around ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: my thanks to michael moore, carrie coon, little big town, roy mayorga, the 8g band. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "carson daly." we'll see you tomorrow guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> carson: welcome to "last call." i am your host, carson daly. thanks for being here. and we are in the beautiful penthouse suite at the time new yorkel


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