Skip to main content

tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  August 17, 2016 11:35pm-12:38am EDT

11:35 pm
>> stephen: all right, time for another show. senator sanders! wait a second. you were my guest on last night's show. >> the struggle for justice continues. i still have a path to being on tonight's show. >> stephen: sir, i'm like-- i'm sorry. to happen. >> too late. here i am. ( laughter ) >> tonight, stephen welcomes kevin hart. taylor schilling. and rupaul charles. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for "the late
11:36 pm
captioning sponsored by cbs ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: what's going on? it's purple night. hey, everybody. thank you so much. yeah. very nice. welcome to the show, everybody. thank you so much. welcome! welcome, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) feels good. that's very nice. you guys feel good? welcome. thank you so much. well, that is-- that is-- you
11:37 pm
you know what you call that? you know what you call those people? that is a friday night audience right there. ( cheers and applause ) no doubt about it. >> jon: yeah! >> stephen: yeah. which it definitely is. this is definitely friday and i'll prove it because look right here. i've got thursday's paper. and i bought it yesterday. you do the math, okay. hey, have you seen this, speaking of headlines. burger king unveiled a new menu item. it's called mac 'n cheetos. and it's mac and cheese covered in cheeto dust and deep fried. ( cheers and applause ) yeah. i would give anything for that not to sound fantastic to me. because it's good. the fry at the end there gets you. that fry just pulls you in at the last minute. this... food? is the result of such advanced
11:38 pm
you listen carefully you can hear individual macaronis whispering "kill me." "kill me." but remember, the mac 'n cheetos are available for a limited time only. and if you eat them, so are you. ( laughter ) ( applause ) they'll last forever. they'll be here. a single serving of that will be here long after we're all gone. speaking of things that last forever, there's big news in researchers have just found that the great pyramid of giza is slightly lopsided, with the west side measuring about 5.5 inches longer than the east side. now, for thousands of years, we have marveled at the ability of ancient people to build an incredible monument with such precision. so i just want to say... in your face, ancient egypt! your so-called great pyramid is 61 one-thousandths of 1% off
11:39 pm
i guess it's true what they say about ancient hebrew slave labor-- you get what you pay for! >> jon: oh, oh! >> stephen: sorry, no. shoddy workmanship. meanwhile, here in new york, it's pride weekend. ( applause ) that's the pride. that's the pride. it kicked off tonight with a huge rally, which according to the website, featured a performance by "bob the drag queen." some fans here. i'm so glad bob the builder is finally living his truth. bob the drag queen. can we work it? of course, the main event is the pride parade. it's a special day where the l.g.b.t.q. community takes to the streets to show the doubters that they can snarl traffic just as well as straight people.
11:40 pm
local hero, a queens resident, named nelson hidalgo. last saturday, hidalgo was arrested for a disturbance. and not the kind you usually hear about in queens-- a pigeon fighting over an old lady with a calzone. i'm sorry that should have been a pigeon fighting over a calzone with an old lady. >> jon: reverse! reverse! reverse! no, nelson hidalgo was arrested for blasting music from his van, which has 80 speakers in it. which explains his bumper sticker, "if this van's a- rockin', don't come a- knockin'... because no one will be able to hear you over the speakers." now, hidalgo evidently cranked it up and ripped off the knob, or the knob just rattled off from all the vibrations, because
11:41 pm
complaints including one that "came from the bullpen at citi field where the mets were taking on the braves." the coach was even overheard saying, "who's on first? no, really, who? i can't hear you over the damn music!" even more impressive, when hidalgo was arrested, he was "sitting in the passenger seat with a coors light." ( cheers and applause ) "what seems to be the ob is there some kind of law against having a good time? there is? it's called an open container law? i'll drink to that." ( laughter ) then-- put that down over there. then he told the arresting officer, "i know it's illegal, but it's the weekend." ( cheers and applause ) that's nice. you know, the weekend.
11:42 pm
out of jail and say, "see you monday!" now, i really would liked to have met hidalgo in person. and i used all of the cbs resources at my disposal to try and get nelson hidalgo on the show tonight, and i'm not kidding. we cannot locate the guy. we even tried stepping outside and just listening. nothing. so let me address him directly right over the television. nelson, don't let johnny law push you around, my friend. because no matter how many speakers are on your party van, you're still not the loudest person from queens. ( cheers and applause ) yeah! hey now, say hello to our friend jon batiste and stay human, everybody.
11:43 pm
? ? ? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: before we go any further, there is something i need to address. like most shows, we here at the "late show" use closed captioning. hearing impaired viewers, or our viewers at the gym, or anyone who has to watch the show on mute because my voice is too damn seductive. "come with me to the chamber of pleasure. ( cheers and applause ) let's go down." and, apparently, there was a slight mistake in the closed
11:44 pm
with our friend michael ian black last week. he had just bought a hot tub and i was asking him about it. jim? >> stephen: the other big news on you, and tell me if this is true, you bough a hot tub. >> hell, yeah, i bought a hot tub! >> stephen: okay, seems like a simple conversation, no problem there. but this is what cbs broadcast on closed caption. i bought a hot harriet tubman. ( laughter ) ( applause ) this is problematic for so many reasons. i mean, for one, "hot harriet tubman?" that's-- ( laughter ) ( applause ) that's redundant. let's go down. ( laughter ) but i'd like to assure everyone
11:45 pm
harriet tubman." and also-- as it was captioned just moments later-- he does not "spend most of his time in the hot harriet tubman." ( laughter ) ( applause ) by the way. not true. it's not true! he didn't say it. it was closed captioned. by the way, i'm officially turning down michael's invitation to join him in his hot harriet tubman. i'm flattered. it's just not my scene. so, now that that's all fi would like to apologize to my hearing impaired viewers. i'm sorry that the closed caption during my interview with michael ian black were mistranscribed. i also want to apologize to harriet tubman, who helped free over 300 people, truly a great emancipator. and i hope we can put this unfortunate incident behind us. now, stick around, we've got kevin hart after the break. we'll be right back.
11:46 pm
nexium 24 hour introduces new, easy-to-swallow tablets. so now, there are more ways, for more people... to experience... complete protection from frequent heartburn. nexium 24hr. the easy-to-swallow tablet is here. spend $30 at target on everything they need for back to school... for a little something extra.
11:47 pm
breyers peanut butter gelato, rich chocolate sauce. peanut butter cups. tonight is perfect. can someone read me another story? daddd? mmm coming breyers gelato indulgences it's way beyond ice cream. ? our longest lasting energizer max ever. why be in the kitchen when you can be in the moment? olive garden now offers catering delivery. we make the food and deliver it to your door... so you can enjoy what's important. ?
11:48 pm
feel warm inside. feel our big beautiful candle. feel glade. sc johnson. what i love most about tempur-pedic mattresses is that they contour to your body. it keeps us comfortable and asleep at night. change your sleep, change your life, change to tempur-pedic. learn how you can change your sleep by requesting a free sample of tempur material. call or click today. i am sebastian artois. brewmaster. risktaker. you might have heard its name...
11:49 pm
11:50 pm
? ? ? ( applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. but one of the biggest stars in the world. his latest project is "the secret life of pets." >> derek, you idiot. did they all get away? >> uhhh.. >> that was a close one! oh, nuts! >> yes! we got one! >> oh, good for you guys. >> yay! >> oh, yes, tiny dog. we got your friend.
11:51 pm
uh-oh. just ignore what just happened. okay? a-ha-ha. yes! >> stephen: please welcome, kevin hart! ? ? ? ( applause ) >> hello! hello! hello! it's amazing, isn't it? good for you. >> stephen: people very excited about kevin hart. >> oh, stop it! stop that! >> stephen: wait a second. that's an amazing response, but you must be used to that because you're one of the few comedians in the world, you sell out huge arenas. like the o2 arena in london, madison square garden. and what's the big arena down in philly?
11:52 pm
from. >> we did 53,000 people. i'm what do you call it, a big deal. yeah. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that's nice. how do you play-- how do you play a joke to 53,000 people? how do you, like, hold a room like that, man? >> well, i think i pride myself on making those rooms intimate rooms. i'm a storyteller, so when you tell a story the beauty of doing it with an amazing audience is captivating the audience with every word until the punchline comes. i paint pictures but they're realistic pictures. at the end of the day, you can put yourself in my shoes and you can see yourself in my stories because my stories are relatable. i don't separate myself. >> stephen: it's good to know why people love you. i wouldn't want it to be a mystery. >> no, you have to make sure you never lose sight of reality, and regardless of any success that you have you have to maintain
11:53 pm
>> stephen: you really think you can hold on to reality? you're so huge. you hit 30 million people on twitter today. >> i did! everybody danced around the world. i tweeted, "dance." "i just hit 30 million. i want everybody to dance." and i really believe everybody danced. >> stephen: all right, all right. you've got so many other things going. you have two movies out right now at the same time. you have "the secret life of pets." you've got "central intelligence" with dwayne johnson. >> yes, thank you, thank you, man. >> stephen: "secret life of pets" you play kind of a militant-- >> white bunny. >> stephen: white bunny. okay. i do not think of you as a militant white bunny. >> first of all, i took it because i wanted to play somebody white. ( laughter ) ( applause ) you know, i jumped at the opportunity. >> stephen: uh-huh. >> i said i'm not going to get this opportunity a lot. i said i'll take it. it's a bunny. it don't matter. he's white. i want to do it.
11:54 pm
the bunny is he is starting a revolution. this guy is in charge of taking this group of pets and turning them against humans. and i was like, that's me. i do that all the time. i brought my characteristic traits to the bunny. and they loved it. they allowed me to improv and play around as much as possible. it came out good. >> stephen: do you have pets of your own? >> i do have pets. i have two dogs. >> stephen: do you think when you're not around they're doing the kinds of things these animals are doing? they have a secret life? >> 100%. i have a dobermanc and a min-pin. >> stephen: what's a minpin? >> a minpin is a small version of what the big dog is. >> stephen: oh, minipincher. >> i did it as a joke. i bought it as a joke. when people come to my house, they say, oh wow, look at the big doberman! he's got a little one, too! >> stephen: do people do that? >> no. nobody has done it, and it has pissed me off. it's made me feel like the little one was a waste of money. nobody gets it. you're there for a punchline. that's the only reason you're
11:55 pm
>> stephen: i hope that dog is not watching right now. it would be really depressing to find out you were just there for a punchline. >> that dog was doing stuff when i was gone. that dog cooked potato salad one day, i know he did. listen, i don't know how to make potato salad, and my lady can't cook. i came home, potato salad was on the table. who cooked the potato salad? had to be the dog. >> stephen: that's logical. 100% pure logic. >> that's my dogs though, i love them. i have become a dog guy. my fiance has turned me into a dog guy. i wasn't, i can admit it. i was against pets. but see, that's what women do. >> stephen: were you against all pets? >> i was against ( bleep ) that could mess my house up. i didn't want nothing that could mess my house up. >> stephen: how did she turn you into a dog person? >> it's what women do, man. they make you do what you don't want to do. that's what women do. ( cheers and applause ) that's a talent that women have. they beat you down. i don't know how she did it. i think she asked me for two years straight. and one day i might have been drunk and i was like, "all
11:56 pm
and the next thing i know, we get these dogs. and now the dogs sleep in the bed. i have no say-so in it. my doberman, i woke up, this dog's respect level is so low. her face is on my face. and i'm like, "what are you doing?" and she's going ( growling ). >> stephen: you're talking about the dogs still, right? you crossed over between making you do things you don't want to do. >> my lady lets it happen. i don't even have control over my bed any. i come there, and the dogs are in the bed. i have to find a position to sleep in. and he looks for the comfort spot. and i'm like, that's me. excuse me i don't want to wake anybody up. >> stephen: how about i sleep across the bottom of the bed right here? >> i take this nook version of the bed that's left for me. i don't explain about it. >> stephen: you also have other projects going at the same time. i don't know how you even have time to be here right now because you've also got a digital partnership called laugh out loud with lionsgate.
11:57 pm
>> i'm going to be honest with you. i don't even know what day it is. right now, i'm sleeping. this is how i sleep. >> stephen: it's friday, it's friday. >> it's friday here but i got to be someplace else tomorrow. i don't know what day it's going to be there. i have to be out of the country. honestly, i'm working a lot, man. i love the load that i have. you know, it is a lot, and i put a lot on my plate but at the end of the day god doesn't give you anything you can't handle. and i'm a firm believer that i'm not ly i'm doing it at the highest of my potential. i'm not only handling it but i'm in love with it. i'm in love with my craft. i'm in love with the fact that i'm succeeding. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that's fantastic. >> i'm happy, i'm happy. >> stephen: that's a great feeling. >> that's an amazing feeling. >> stephen: can you hang on, and we'll talk a little bit more? >> what if i said no? >> stephen: you know what i would do? we would come back and i would weep into the camera for about five minutes. >> in that case i can hang on.
11:58 pm
>> stephen: we'll be right back with more kevin hart. when you can take your hands off the wheel to get out of a tight spot. when you can relax with your foot off the brake and stay put. 400 horsepower that's both smooth and controlled. that's the more human side of engineering. this is the lincoln summer invitation, hurry in now to your dealer for limited time offers! lease an mkc for $289 a month or get 0% apr for 60 months and just announced $1,000 dollars summer invitation bonus. america thought our pancakes were pretty special. but we knew we could do better. so we did. we made denny's new pancakes 50% fluffier with
11:59 pm
that's the denny's love'em or they're free guarantee. t-mobile's coverage is unstoppable. and with extended range lte it reaches farther than ever. from the powder to the pavement, skylines, coastlines, out in the country, deep in the city. we got you covered. 311 million americans and counting. and we won't stop. we're going to prove just how wet and sticky your current gel antiperspirant is. now, we're going to show you how degree dry spray is different. degree dry spray. degree. it won't let you down. ? ? you got an early-morning-dad side, ?
12:00 am
? a "how do i retire at 50" side. ? hang in there, dan. ? "sure, you can keep the kitty" side. ? ? that's why there's nationwide, ? ? helping to grow and protect your many sides. ?
12:01 am
no way, that's jacob degrom. let's get his autograph. jacob... can we get your auto... haha, yeah i get that a lot. jacob and i could be identical twins. i don't think so. well, maybe just related, haha. no way.
12:02 am
her like jacob degrom. but anyone could save money with geico. geico, proud partner of the new york mets. ? ? ? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back. we're here with our friend kevin hart. kevin, as we were saying before the break, 2016 has been an enormous year for you. >> yes. >> stephen: four big movies this year. two out at the same time right secret life of pets, right? so like, do you even know what you're here promoting right now? >> i have a pretty good idea. >> stephen: it's a kevin hart project. >> it's a kevin hart project, i know i'm in it. the toughest thing when going to the movies is making a choice of which movie of myself that i want to watch.
12:03 am
go to the movies and i'm like i want to see me but which version of me? do i want to me as the white guy? that's what i call the bunny. or do i want to see me in "central intelligence?" and sometimes i say forget it and i see both, repeating myself over and over again. >> stephen: well, i want to make sure that 2017 is just as big for kevin hart as 2016 was. that you have a full roster of blockbusters coming, so, we'd like to do something right now. we're going to try to lock down your schedule for 2017. >> i like . >> right here, right now. >> stephen: this is the "late show"'s "maybe coming soon." >> i like it. >> stephen: so i want to be clear, we have a series of projects i'd like to pitch to you right now. that i think would be great are you. they don't exist yet but we already made the poster for the movie because they say when you think of the movie, think of the poster first. >> it has to be visual.
12:04 am
one, okay hollywood, i hope you're listening because these projects already have kevin hart attached to them. are you on board? >> i'm on board. i like it, i like the way you think. >> stephen: okay, i'm very excited about this new movie of yours, this first one coming up it's called "ultrasound," tag line is "nap time is over." you play a rock 'n' roll baby. tell me what's exciting you about this project. >> first of all, the fact that guitar at that age. that's exciting. another thing, i'm big on being a sex symbol, as a baby, exposing your chest and having females following you. >> stephen: leaves very little to the imagination here. you're a child prodigy, it turns out in this movie, who is actually already playing the guitar in the womb. >> wow. >> stephen: that's the opening scene and an extremely painful birth because you bring the stratocaster with you. >> this one's gold. >> stephen: you're on board.
12:05 am
>> stephen: this next one is exciting. this one's slightly more dramatic. you're going to play the lead in a new period epic-- i hope, if we can get this going-- it's called "dog titanic," the tag line is "the titanic- this time with dogs." you're playing the leo part right here, and it's mutts who fall in love with purebreds in >> why do i look like i'm scared ( bleep ) of the dogs? >> stephen: because there is no place to take them for a walk. they're all down in steerage. >> i like that. >> stephen: you like this one? >> stephen: they just pee on the iceberg and it melts and it doesn't go down. ( cheers and applause ) you like this? >> i like it. >> stephen: this one i'm
12:06 am
this one is called "kevin's heart." it's the heart wants what it wants. it's about a man whose heart leaves it because he's gotten too many broken hearts, and then he chases the heart for the rest of the movie until he finds out at the end that his heart was in his chest the whole time. >> wait a minute, so this is a drama? >> stephen: oh, yeah, this is a relationship movie. >> first of all, this is the demographic i'm looking for. any movie that i can do to show what i'm like without a heart is a strong movie to me. my question is when my heart leaves my body and i find out that my heart is almost like a little person, does that affect me, knowing i was an alien this whole time, or am i okay with this? that's the thing with my character. where do i go from here? because i'm heartless. which means this is a villain side to this and i get to ( bleep ) people up at some point in time.
12:07 am
a perfect project for you. >> you see where i go, man. >> stephen: this is where you get to use your acting chops. it's you and keira knightley. it's called "the embers of autumn." and look at the chemistry. look at the chemistry between the two of you. >> you know what? being that i'm engaged any time you get to work with a beautiful woman that's called legal cheating so i'll take it. i'll take it right there. >> stephen: that is actually that's the sequel to "embers of autumn." "legal cheating." this time-- "embers of autumn, two, legal cheating. this time they do it." and it, this one i'm very excited about. this is and you me together. i hope we can do a project together because i'm such a fan. this is "secret agent teacher
12:08 am
friends." assignment world cup and i don't have to tell you, you and i already know what this one is about. it's in the title. >> look at the tattoos. it's a heart. >> stephen: one says "best," and the other one says "friends." because we were separated as children. we were best friends as kids growing up next to each other, put we got separated and sent to different countries. each became secret agents, diui local communities, who meet when we're sent to the world cup and we realize we've always known each other. ( laughter ) so you're on board. you're in. you're in. >> i love it. i love it. >> stephen: and the tag line's the best, "friendship is their only gooooal." kevin, i'm so excited we're going to be doing these together. >> you're hurting me. >> stephen: "the secret life of
12:09 am
kevin hart, everybody! we'll be right back with taylor schilling. ( cheers and applause ) ? ? ? clarence! hey, you're yes, sir. you know, at the model year end clarence event, you can get a great deal on this 2016 passat. steve. yeah? clarence is on a roll. yeah. i wish they'd name an event after me. same here. but the model year end becky event? that's no good... whatever you want to call it, don't miss the volkswagen model year end event. hurry in for a one-thousand dollar volkswagen reward card and 0% apr on a new 2016 passat. and here we have 1893, from the makers of pepsi cola. i'm gonna swirl it. i'm gonna smell it.
12:10 am
ahhh!!! refined. 1893. made with kola nut extract and real sugar. boldly blended colas. [ school bell ringing] we were learning about how talented the ancient greeks were, and suddenly i traveled back in time! i thought, ?i could have been a writer.? or an athlete! i could have even been an architect! i don't have to go back in time to do amazing things. i can start today.
12:11 am
let's feed him to the sharks! squuuuack, let's feed him to the sharks! yay! and take all of his gold! and take all of his gold! ya! and hide it from the crew! ya...? squuuuack, they're all morons anyway! i never said that. they all smell bad too. no! you all smell wonderful! i smell bad! if you're a parrot, you repeat things. it's what you do. if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. it's what you do. squuuuack, it's what you do. crabfest is on at red lobster with sweet crab from the icy waters of alaska. or try crab lover's dream with tender snow and king crab legs. love crab?
12:12 am
12:13 am
? ? ? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! welcome back, everybody. welcome back. my next guest tonight-- my next guest is america's favorite upper-middle-class white prison inmate in "orange is the new black." please welcome taylor schilling, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) >> hello.
12:14 am
>> hello again. it's so nice to be here. >> stephen: i'm never not going to hold the hand of a pretty woman. i never know whether to help the ladies up the stairs sometimes. >> i actually needed a second to think if i needed help or not, and i looked down and thought i'm going to hold his hand. >> stephen: yeah, yeah. i was thinking that before i saw the shoes. >> i was thinking that from back out there. i thought we were going to do the interview from the alleyway. >> stephen: that would be fun. from a distance. i could just shout the questions from back there. a certain energy and freshness. >> a certain energy and freshness. it does have a certain freshness. it would be a nice angle, a nice angle. >> stephen: exactly. did you see that interview where they were shouting last night? congratulations on the new season of "orange is the new black." ( cheers and applause )
12:15 am
>> stephen: like, this show is like a cultural milestone in many ways, not only the content, not only its successful, but also because this is the show, like, that started all the binge watching. >> it did start all the binge watching. and what i think is so funny hearing about binge watching is, when i started this show, i thought-- i wasn't sure if it was, like, a web series. that's what we were kind of like on-- nobody had and idea what it >> stephen: it kind of is. >> it kind of is a web series, because it's only internet-- >> stephen: they said, hey, it's not going to be on tv. >> you're going to do it on the internet. >> stephen: it's like local theater but more people see it. >> when we first did it in the first round, you do media training when you start-- when you watch something and people tell you sort of what to say-- >> really? >> i don't usually listen. >> stephen: you don't listen to the media trainers? >> i don't listen to them very much.
12:16 am
>> stephen: they anticipated-- >> no, that was absolutely inappropriate, and totally verboten. what you're supposed to say is the show is dropping. now it's a part of the lexicon that, we're all binging on tv. >> stephen: sure. >> initially when i was making a web series-- ( laughter ) black box for more people. we weren't allowed to use that word. s >> and now you're using it. >> stephen: everybody uses the word. even things on broadcast, you let them stack up and binge them at the end of the week. >> there was one party where netflix gave out tupperware so people could take more food home and binge on food while they were binging on tv. they really switched. they did a 180. >> stephen: why shouldn't-- why shouldn't we consume everything the way we do food? >> exactly. >> stephen: have you seen the fried macaroni and cheese at
12:17 am
and cheese earlier. >> stephen: i would eat that in a minute. >> would you? >> stephen: yeah, yeah. >> all of it? >> stephen: maybe last meal. hey, have you actually-- because you play a prisoner, have you gone to prison to see what the experience is like. because it's opened the eyes for a lot of people of what a prison experience is like, especially for women. >> it absolutely has. >> stephen: have you done whatever the equivalent of a ride-along is for a prison? before the second season of the show, i spent some time at rikers-- >> stephen: that's a prison. >> it is. piper chapman is based on piper kerrman, was really instrumental in teaching me about the prison system and teaching me about her experience. what that sort of moved from is being in the prison, spending time with the women's prison association, the w.p.a., that
12:18 am
and they do incredible work. >> stephen: would you want to hang out with your character? is she the sort of person you would want to spend time with? >> would i want to hang out with piper? >> audience: yeah! >> i think piper-- i would. the thing, i think piper has a hard time hanging out with herself, you know what i mean? >> stephen: yeah. is she getting any better with herself this season? >> she has a lot of work to do, you know. i think she has a lot of work to wants to hang out with anybody. >> stephen: season four is available for download right now. you can stream it right now. >> as soon as you want. >> stephen: i'll do it right now. >> go watch it right now and eat some food while you're watching. you know what i mean? binge! >> stephen: congratulations on season four. >> thank you. >> stephen: it was really lovely to meet you. >> it was nice to meet you, too. >> stephen: "orange is the new black" is streaming now. taylor schilling, everybody. we'll be back with rupaul
12:19 am
breyers peanut butter gelato, rich chocolate sauce. peanut butter cups. tonight is perfect. can someone read me another story? daddd? mmm coming breyers gelato indulgences it's way beyond ice cream. the new chicken mcnuggets look fantastic: made with 100% white meat chicken, no artificial preservatives, flavors and colors, it just might convince the judges here today. (crowd cheers) and they've done it!
12:20 am
this is the best day- what's up schumer? okay, i got roped into spending the day with my sister's kids (makes farting noise) and they like keep talking about back to school shopping? back to school is like our red carpet. just go to old navy. they have like the coolest back to school clothes up to 60% off. it's what we all wear. and they have jeans starting at like 10 bucks. noice! don't say "noice." sounds stank! no... stop. okay. um. guess what! we're going to old navy. who's excited? who wants to go shopping? tired of re-dosing antacids? try duo fusion! new, two in one heartburn relief. the antacid goes to work in seconds... and the acid reducer lasts up to 12 hours in one chewable tablet. try new duo fusion. from the makers of zantac.
12:21 am
12:22 am
? ? ? ? ? ? o school... and get a free $5 gift card for a little something extra.
12:23 am
? ? ? ? ? ? only those who dare drive the world forward. introducing the first-ever cadillac ct6. ? never underestimate the power of energizer. our longest lasting energizer max ever. we're going to prove just how wet and sticky your current gel antiperspirant is. now, we're going to show you how degree dry spray
12:24 am
it won't let you down. fact. people spend less time lying awake with aches and pains with advil pm than with tylenol pm. advil pm combines the number one pain reliever with the number one sleep aid. gentle, non-habit forming advil pm.
12:25 am
? ? ? ( cheers and applause )
12:26 am
my next guest is an actor, drag queen, model, author, and recording artist. please welcome rupaul charles. ? ? ? ( applause ) >> stephen: lovely to meet you. thank you so much for being here. ( applause ) >> you're playing "i'm coming >> jon: yeah! >> stephen: well, thank you for being here. >> it's a great, great honor to meet you. i love you. >> stephen: i love you, too. listen, i don't need any coffee with that suit on. you got me wide awake right now. >> this old thing. i was going to throw this away before you called, and i thought stephen colbert, yes. >> stephen: solar flare plaid. >> yes! >> stephen: let me show the
12:27 am
at your most fabulous right now. look at that beautiful-- ( applause ) right there. that's extraordinary. now, i've got a question to ask you. when i introduced you, i said among your other things you're known for i said "drag queen." can i, as a white, straight male who lives in the suburbs and drives his volvo to pick up his khakis from the dry cleaner, is that okar >> it is okay. you can call me-- you can call me regis and kathy lee. i don't care. honestly. >> stephen: i just want to make sure. >> i'm not that kind of a queen. the thing about drag queens is drag queens don't take life too seriously. the idea-- you can call me anything. it's just a name. but you said-- you said "drag queen." i'm not just a drag queen. i am the drag queen. ( cheers and applause )
12:28 am
>> it's true! it's true, though, you know! >> stephen: well, thank you for being here, your majesty. how did you-- as i was saying before, this is pride week. this is gay pride weekend. the pride parade is this weekend. what was your experience like when you were younger? how did you come out to your family? do you mind sharing that story with us? >> i never came out. i was never in. in, you know what i mean? i was always ru. >> stephen: is that your real name rupaul? >> that is my real name. my mother was from louisiana. making gumbo, rue is the base. she wanted to pay homage to her background, her heritage. it's my real name. i always tell kids, any young
12:29 am
public records. so if you're starting in show business, change your name because if you're sitting at the gynecologist's office and all of a sudden, you know, they call your name out, and everybody goes, "she's up here getting her ( bleep ) cleaned." you know, rupaul? rupaul! ( laughter ) ( applause ) what did i say? i say something wrong? >> stephen: not at all. not at all. not at all. not in the least. >> so change your name. change your name. >> stephen: so is it a mistake for me to be stephen colbert? >> does your gynecologist know? >> stephen: i do not know nearly enough, my friend. i can-- i'll show you. i took a stab at drag once. tell me how i did.
12:30 am
what do we think? what do we think? >> look at all that ass! >> stephen: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. it is by the pound, my friend, by the pound. >> you know, you look like selma blair in that picture. >> stephen: what? >> gorgeous. >> stephen: that's quite a compliment. >> do you see selma blair in that picture? >> stephen: i totally see selma blair in that picture. i can tell you a quick story about this. i had this p a tommy. and he goes, "tommy, check this out." and my brother tommy goes, "how do we know her? how do we know her?" and my brother jay points at me, and tommy looks at this and looks at me and goes, "all right, how does stephen know her?" i was quite complimented. i do pass muster. >> what is her name? does she have a drag name?
12:31 am
she's gorgeous. how differently did it make you feel -- >> it made me feel beautiful. >> i think everybody should do drag. honestly. everybody-- it's not just because i'm, you know, for the-- you know, sort of twisted reasons. it's an important-- it's important to know your yin from your yang. >> stephen: and then occasionally have your yin cleaned out. ( cheers and applause ) it's him. not me. i think i got that right. you can tell me about this young man. tell me about this young man right here. this is you at what age? >> 19. i was 19 here. just starting out my career. and, you know, i wanted to do-- it took another 11 years for anything to happen. but i had a good time here in new york, you know, sleeping in the-- you know, in the central park under the piers and, you know, trying to make something
12:32 am
and i struggled, struggled, and here i am today on the "stephen colbert show." ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: tell me about-- you've got another show called "skin wars: fresh paint." where artists paint on people's naked bodies. >> yes. >> stephen: and transform their bodies. i didn't realize there is a whole culture out this of people who did this in competition? >> "skin wars," the first show is about professional body painters and they compete for "skin wars: fresh paint," a spin-off i'm hosting, is other artists from different mediums learn body painting through a bootcamp and compete for $10,000. >> stephen: have you ever had your body painted? >> i have lived in body paint for the last 30 years. if you have ever seen me in drag, it's crazy. it's so much paint. it's an intricate system of pulleys and weights.
12:33 am
>> stephen: things are strapped in, singed in. >> it's like nassau. it's crazy. when you were raven, did you tuck? >> stephen: i tucked. i taped. i squeezed. i had three different pairs of pants on, one for shaping, and two more for smoothing. >> yes. now, was that all of your own butt or were you padded? >> stephen: baby, i bring it. >> okay. ( applause ) >> stephen: do you have any plans, do you have any plans for pride weekend, coming up? >> you know, pride is for young people who are just coming into the life and just understanding what it is to be themselves. i have lived pride for the past 55 years. ( cheers and applause ) so i don't-- you know, i live pride every single day. i go out and i love myself. i make sure that i am lovin' ru,
12:34 am
>> stephen: well, thank you for being here, your majesty. rupaul hosts "skin wars: fresh paint," wednesdays on gsn. rupaul charles, everybody! as proud as he can be. we'll be right back. ? ? ? ( cheers and applause ) olay regenerist renews from within. plumping surface cells for a dramatic transformation... ...without the need for fillers. with olay, you age less. so you can be ageless.
12:35 am
olive garden's buy one take one is back. choose one delicious entr?e at our place, like our new pepperoni fettuccine alfredo, and another one for yours for free. starting at $12.99.
12:36 am
?slow, building african-style m? it's the little moments that make the biggest waves. kalahari resorts & conventis the world's coolest indoor wate. learn how to make their summer unforgettable at kalahariresorts.com ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that's it for the "late show." good night!
12:37 am
captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ? are you ready to have some fun ? and feel the love tonight ? do you worry about how much you drank last ? night it's gonna be okay ? it's the "late, late show." >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from pina cosca rocha, peru, give it up for your host, the one, the only, the

372 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on