tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC February 5, 2016 12:37am-1:37am EST
[ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- colin jost, record executive and music industry icon, l.a. reid, music from jojo. featuring the 8g band with russell simins. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everyone. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic to hear.
town hall, hillary clinton told voters, "i never thought i'd be standing on a stage here asking for people to vote for me for president." because she thought she'd already be done being president by now. [ laughter ] a little later than i thought. jeb bush asked the audience at an event this week to "please clap" after they did not applaud some of his remarks. check it out. [ laughter ] >> i think the next president needs to be a lot quieter, but prepared to act in the national security interests of this business of creating a more peaceful world. please clap. [ laughter ] >> seth: dude, please, please don't, jeb. jeb, buddy, if you can't get people to clap at the end of your speech, it's over, pal. [ laughter ] this is a america. people clap when a waiter drops a plate. [ laughter ] they clap at the end of movies. they clap when their plane lands. [ light laughter ] you want people to clap, here's
buddy. let's go. [ cheers and applause ] enough's enough. we want to see you -- we want to see that smile back. bernie sanders yesterday interrupted his own speech to rush to the aid of a man who fainted in the audience. luckily bernie was able to shout [ laughter ] [ as bernie sanders ] are you okay? the middle class is disappearing! [ laughter ] donald trump said in a new interview that president obama visited a mosque yesterday because he feels comfortable there. or maybe it's just because it's the one place obama knew he'd never run into donald trump. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] he did, i believe. ted cruz's wife said at a rally yesterday that cruz will randomly call her cell phone to serenade her with broadway show tunes. she just wishes they weren't always songs from
[ laughter ] controversial pharmaceutical ceo, martin shkreli, appeared before congress today over his decision to hike the price of life saving drugs by 5,000% and "hard to accept that these imbeciles represent the people in our government." jeez, take a chill mill, martin. [ light laughter ] [ laughter ] we're so -- we're so sorry about. a new article has found that a 55 gallon barrel of sex lube is now over 36 times more expensive than a barrel of oil. [ laughter ] of course if you're shopping for lube by the barrel, money might not be your biggest problem. [ laughter ] a tattoo shop in vermont is currently offering a free tattoo of the outline of bernie sanders' head or as they're calling it, a "gramp stamp." [ laughter and applause ]
unveiled the cover for the magazine's first non- nude issue coming out in march. here's what looks like. there we go, ladies and we have a great show for you to night. [ cheers and applause ] from "saturday night live," he is the weekend update anchor, he here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] we're also joined by music industry legend and author of the new book, "sing to me," about his incredible career, l.a. reid will be here tonight to talk us to. [ cheers and applause ] and we will have music from jojo this evening. [ cheers and applause ] so that will be wonderful as well. before we get to all that, you know, when i watch a tv show and i don't know about you but when i watch a tv show i like to watch it all the way to the end because i want to see the closing credits. i like to know who worked on the production. and it turns out some shows have some surprising credits you may have never noticed. and we're gonna take a look at some of them tonight in a segment we call "hidden
[ applause ] let's get started. first, "holiday baking championship" recently wrapped on food network. and i have to say, i was surprised to see this in the credits right there sponsored by insulin. [ laughter ] insulin, you're gonna need it. "the muppets" are back on abc. let's take a look. you got your costume supervisor, your editors, but then there's this, hand accommodations provided by kermit's ass. [ laughter and applause ] next up, "long island medium," a tlc reality show where theresa caputo claims to communicate with the deceased. here's something i did not expect to see in the credits, theresa's hair styled by being scared by ghosts. [ laughter and applause ] oh. but that's how you save money. you don't hire a living
here is the most popular show on television, "ncis," and a bunch of people work on the show. here we go. including, there we go, e.p., j.b. co-e.p., m.n.r. a.d.p., j.k.l. k.g., m.p.s. p.c.o.c, b.b.b., jr. guy in charge of acronyms, james worthington ellis. [ applause ] he is thorough. he is very, very, very, busy on that show. you've probably seen the discovery channel and reality show "naked and afraid." and they definitely couldn't do the show without this person right here, butthole blurrer, sandra feller. [ laughter ] i mean, that sounds like a sexy dream job. and i understand we have a special message from what i'm sure is the very sexy "naked and afraid" butthole blurrer, the very sexy sandra feller. >> wash your buttholes people. [ laughter ] >> seth: thank you, sandra. [ cheers and applause ]
another season on abc. and if you look closely in the credits, you'll notice this, here we go. issues created by daddy. [ laughter ] 25 women, one huge thing in common. "house hunters" is the show married couples watch when they can't agree on anything else. and this guy's instrumental to the production right here, doorbell voiceover artist, dwight kruger. that's right, the doorbell in the opening credits is voiced by famed voiceover artist, dwight kruger. and this is pretty cool, we actually have some footage of dwight live at work behind the scenes in the "house hunters" sound booth. let's take a look. [ clears throat ] [ doorbell ] >> good. now the "house hunters international" version. [ clears throat ] [ doorbell ] tres bien. >> seth: great tough as always, dwight. [ applause ] finally, you've probably seen "ramsay's kitchen nightmares" on bbc america but have you ever
credits? right there. nightmare, gordon ramsay. [ laughter ] that sounds about right. that was "hidden credits." we'll be right back with colin jost. [ cheers and applause ] james drove his rav4 hybrid, unaware death was lurking. what? he was challenged by a team of lumberjacks. let's do this. he would drive them to hard knocks canyon, where he would risk broken legs, losing limbs, and slipping and dying. not helping. but death would have to wait. james left with newfound knowledge, a man's gratitude, and his shirt. how far will you take the all-new rav4 hybrid?
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. and please, give it up for the 8g band over there. [ cheers and applause ] while you're at it, back with us tonight to sit in on drums, from the john sspencer blues explosion, russell simmons is here as well. thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> seth: for being with us, russel. >> any time. >> seth: our first guest tonight is an emmy nominated writer and comedian who you know from his work as the co-anchor of "saturday night live's" weekend update. snl returns live this week with host larry david and musical guest the 1975. you can also see him in the new film "how to be single" in theaters february 12th. please welcome back to the show my good friend colin jost.
>> seth: you said it. you said you were the slowest walker. that was the slowest walk. i remember you did standup on "late night" when jimmy hosted it. >> yes, yeah. >> seth: and we were all watching it. and you were, when they introduced you, standup, you walked out so slowly to the mic. >> i didn't -- i guess i'm just surprised whenever i enter a room that there are people there. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> what's going on here? >> seth: but you like, you had probably five minutes of material but you only got to do 3 1/2 because you took 90 seconds. >> yeah. [ light laughter ] >> seth: you too the weirdest, like, you looped around the mic. you can -- >> i told them after i do a john wayne impression. they didn't know, there's no setup. so they were just like, oh he's slow. >> seth: you walked like you're looking for parking. [ laughter ] >> well, it's new york. you can't pass up a good spot, right? >> seth: there you go. >> you see a good one. >> seth: and this is a good spot. >> yes, this is great. >> seth: i'm very much looking forward to larry david hosting snl. how's it been so far? >> oh, great. are you a larry david fan? [ cheers and applause ] >> he's incredible. he's the best. and obviously he wrote at snl.
briefly, for a year. >> with like, julia louis-dreyfus. that, which is where they met. and it's just the coolest thing, when someone comes back, you know, as a writer, when you come back and you're you know, hosting that, you're so happy that other people who are there are writing for you. and he's just the coolest dude. >> seth: yeah. >> and bernie sanders, yes. [ cheers and applause ] and he's that thing which you know from tina doing sarah palin, sometimes people just have an exact right look. and for larry david, i think by the time lorne called him about doing it, when larry picked up the phone, he's just like, so we're doing this? >> seth: yeah. >> no explanation needed. >> seth: yeah, and it's perfect. he's been fantastic as bernie. >> and i think it helped, i think he's helped bernie. i think it helps -- don't you thnk? >> seth: yeah. >> i think it makes -- larry's so likeable, you know, that it makes, you know, in a crazy curmudgeon way, that he makes bernie, you're like, oh, yeah, bernie sanders. >> seth: yeah. >> i always liked him. i liked him in "curb." [ light laughter ] he's my favorite part of "curb." >> seth: what did you think about donald trump coming in second in the iowa caucus? obviously you have to pay attention to this stuff as a
>> yes, so he lost iowa. i don't know if people saw that. >> seth: yeah, they heard. they heard that. [ applause ] >> well, here's, but here's what i think people are like, they're >> seth: yeah. >> people are just like look at this loser. he's a loser. here's the thing. he's still winning most of places, right? and the other thing is the last two winners of iowa have been rick santorum and mike huckabee. >> seth: right. >> not presidents, right? >> seth: no. he's not mike huckabee and >> seth: yeah. good thing. that's my crazy approach. fine, you're saying? >> yeah. i mean, rick santorum just dropped out of the race, now. and i was not aware he was in the race. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> i think he might have been dropping out of 2012. he was like, i don't think they're going to overturn obama's presidency. i better drop out. >> seth: so, he just stuck around for a while. >> yeah. >> seth: i want to talk to you other for a very long time. >> yeah. >> seth: one of my favorite stories you ever told me, i'm
>> okay. >> seth: you were on a date and you ate a pot cookie with a girl. >> yes. [ light laughter ] see, some of you also had an experience like this, i see. [ laughter ] i, so i'm not a person that smokes pot. i've tried it and stuff. but i get very paranoid. >> seth: uh-huh >> i think once i start having a job, it made me very paranoid if i ever smoked weed. >> seth: yeah. >> but i was on a date with girl and she offered me a pot cookie. and i was like okay, well i might freak out. because it's pot. but it is also a cookie. [ light laughter ] >> seth: which takes the edge off. >> well, i would just be like, delicious. delicious. >> seth: right. >> she gave me a pot cookie. and at first i was feeling great. i was like, this is delicious, it's great. and then we went back to my apartment. and we started kissing. and i became so paranoid, i became convinced that she had poisoned me. [ light laughter ] >> seth: uh-huh. >> so i did what any other 30-year-old man would do was, i snuck into the other room and
[ laughter and applause ] >> and so my parents, i grew up in staten island. my parents live in staten island. my mom answered the phone. it is probably 1:00 a.m. >> seth: your mom, a doctor. >> my mom, a doctor. she answers the phone. she goes, colin, what's going on? i go, you gotta do something. [ light laughter ] this girl poisoned me. she gave me pcp. why i went to pcp? >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> i don't know what the side, i don't think it's available in cookie form, i don't. [ light laughter ] then my mom, being a very loving parent, said don't move. we'll be right there. [ light laughter ] but then, because i was also still super high, i went back into the other room and forgot that i had called my parents. [ laughter ] so like an hour later, this girl and i are in my living room. there's a knock at the door. and she says, understandably, who could that be?
i know who that could be. [ light laughter ] and i open the door and my parents come barging in and they what you did! [ light laughter ] you poisoned our son! and this girl is so high. she's like oh, my god this is the funniest thing i've ever seen in my life. >> seth: right. [ light laughter ] >> who are these awesome old people you hired to scare me? and then, i swear to god i'm so makes me hot tea to help me lie i get so scared, i fake drinking poisoning me. i faked drinking it. >> seth: you thought now, your >> my mom was in on it. >> seth: oh no. >> that's how, and i faked drinking the tea and i poured it to the side of my bed. like i was in a spy movie. >> seth: right. lll by the way, that's a terrible spy. lhlh >> oh, why, why thank you. [ light laughter ] and then as i'm like shivering dad in the other room lecturing the poor girl on the dangers of
>> seth: oh. >> and i hear him go, do your parents know that you're doing this? and she looked around the room and she was like, no, they don't, because i'm 30. [ laughter ] it's fair. >> seth: by the way, at the start of the night if you got paranoid about two things, like, i think what happened to you is worse than being poisoned. like you were paranoid of the second thing. >> yeah, yeah, that like ukranian guy that got poisoned, i'm definitely ahead of him. >> seth: yeah, yeah. exactly. [ light laughter ] >> worse, worse experience. >> seth: fantastic, the best. now, you just had an off week -- >> seth: there was no second >> no second date, which is insane. 'cause that is, that's certainly like definitely a best man would say that at your wedding. date? [ light laughter ] you just had a week off and i know you have been re-watching the sopranos. >> yes. >> seth: and this really bums me out. you're watching it on a & e. >> yes. >> seth: because you could watch it on -- >> i could watch it on like, a dvd.
>> or probably full episodes on youtube at this point. >> seth: sure, right. >> so i'm watching it and i don't know if you -- so they have it on hbo right, originally. >> seth: yeah. >> and then they're re-airing it on basic cable. so, they have to change a lot of the language on it. but the weird thing is, i don't know if you've seen it, but they also -- they've given all the characters in the show alzheimer's. >> seth: i did not know this. >> yeah. because now in every episode, someone's like, forget you. [ light laughter ] i already forgot you. go forget your mother. >> seth: oh, no. so, it's totally different show. >> it's a different show! >> seth: yeah. [ applause ] >> it's like a psa now. who still got his faculties is like the priest. jam through that? it, or watched it? >> seth: yeah, we're about seven >> are they making a murderer -- has anyone watched "making a murderer?" [ cheers ] all ten in one day. >> seth: yeah. >> which tells you how little i have going on in my life. >> seth: i think that would just
>> oh, yeah. [ light laughter ] watching one in a row makes you depressed. honestly, the only take away of watching the entire show is about criminal justice reform, to wisconsin. [ light laughter ] >> i mean it's -- right? the happiest person on that show would be the saddest person [ light laughter ] >> seth: it's not a lot of celebrating. >> no they, the people they is the greatest lawyer in all of wisconsin. yourself. [ light laughter ] and the show, i've never seen a show where people struggle more to not say the word retarded. >> seth: in that, in describing like, a defendant? >> well, yes. >> seth: yeah. >> 'cause they need to say it somehow in every scene. and they're always like, look at this low intelligence man. [ light laughter ] and they're like, what do you think of his iq? and she's like, i think he's borderline. and they're like, borderline what? and she's like, i don't want to say. [ laughter ] >> seth: that doesn't help him. >> no.
>> talk about the one time you should say it, to get a guy out. >> seth: to help this guy, help him out. you and i have something in common. we both have brothers. >> that's true. >> seth: and our brothers are both funny people as well. and your brother, who i know very well, sent in to me, a videotape of you guys as young -- as children. >> oh, did he? >> seth: and i'd love -- it made me very happy to watch it. >> uh-huh. >> seth: and i'd love to show some clips and then talk to you about 'em. >> this is why you never introduce your brother to your colleagues. >> seth: yeah, never do that. >> this moment. >> seth: so, first up, i mean, you obviously, your career is going great. but i would like to say, i think you could be a fantastic bicycle salesman. >> bicycle salesman? >> seth: bicycle salesman. >> seth: let's take a look. >> okay. >> this bike has a kick stand. you can put it right down like that. kick it right over like that. me and my brother, we got new bikes. >> cool rapper. >> he's got mighty 16, i've got 12 20.
it even has an eggroll that comes with it. you eat chinese out here. [ laughter ] i like the bike. it's black. i like black, but i don't like black and blue. [ laughter and applause ] >> oh, my god. i wish i could say that was the first time i tried riding a bike. >> seth: yeah. you did not seem to know what you were doing. now it's weird. 'cause you say you're from staten island. but i did not pick up any accent at all. [ light laughter ] just no, i would have no sense of where you grew up. >> yeah, you know, we got bikes here. [ light laughter ] young people running down. but we have bikes, too. i'm like a 45-year-old woman from staten island. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah, i get around by bikes mostly, you know. >> seth: i've never seen -- i've known you a long time. i saw the bike thing, i was like, i've never seen jost prouder of anything than he is of this bike. until i saw the next thing on a video.
>> seth: which is, i guess this is -- cause obviously a lot of our friends, kristen whiig, kate mckinnon, leslie jones, all in the new "ghostbusters" movie. >> uh-huh. >> seth: i guess this is your audition for that. let's take a look real quick. >> anyway, the best for shooting ghosts! these are new water blasters for ectoplasm, you know. [ light laughter ] they shoot like water and stuff, but watch this. [ light laughter ] well folks, you saw it here and you saw it there. [ light laughter ] the one place you saw it most was at the jost family! [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, my god. so r. >> seth: so, so proud of the jost family. >> i guess. i mean, can't you see why? >> seth: yeah. you ain't afraid of no josts. [ laughter ] >> oh, my god. you see why i had no choice but to go into comedy. >> seth: you had no choice but
one last thing. >> yes, certainly ask, yes. >> seth: you, it's hard not to notice you were a little chubbier. >> what are you talking about? >> seth: you were a little chubbier then that you are now. >> i think it's the old cameras add 50 pounds. [ light laughter ] >> seth: i don't thinik that's, i think you're a little chubbier. and i was like why, why was he such a chubby kid? and then the next thing on the video, i feel like you have to look closely. >> okay >> seth: because, it's very subtle. >> okay. >> seth: i think it was really very small, if really pay attention, you might get a hint as to why you're a little bit chubbier. >> great. >> seth: let's take a look. [ laughter ] >> anyway, that wraps it up for today. see you at the 7 o'clock news tonight, all right? [ cheers and applause ] >> i want to point out, i was driving no pleasure from that, from that cup --. >> seth: dead eye.
it was like the cupcake had recently kidnapped my daughter. >> >> seth: yeah. >> and it was just full revenge. like, i'm going to take my time. >> seth: that was like watching a super old monkey eat an apple. [ laughter ] >> i can't bite into it. >> seth: it's like working his way. >> that's like everything that's wrong with america. >> seth: and that was for, that tells us a great thing. you had a wonderful staten island youth. you had ectoplasm, you had bikes and you couldn't eat the regular cupcake. you jest went to town on the icing. >> i'm sure right after that, once i got the icing off, i just throw the [ inaudible ] [ laughter ] i am a disassembly line for cupcakes. >> seth: thank you so much for being here, buddy, you're always the best. >> oh my god, yes. [ cheers and applause ] collin jost. "snl" this saturday 11:30, larry david, the 1975s, we'll be back with l.a. reid.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. our next guest is a three time grammy winning producer and a legendary music executive who's worked with superstars like mariah carey, kanye west, justin beiber and rihanna. his new memoir, "sing to me: my story of making magic -- making music, finding magic and searching for who's next" is in book stores now. please welcome to the show, l.a. reid. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: congratulations on the book. >> thank you so much, seth. thank you. >> seth: such an impressive career. i think most impressive, discovering talent must be so thrilling when you do it. i wanna talk about some of the people you discovered. you were there -- this is, i feel, the most indebted to you for discovering rihanna. >> that's great. you love rihanna?
[ cheers and applause ] >> we have that in common, yes. >> seth: how old was she when you first heard her sing? like talk me through how that went down. >> okay. so this is how it happened. i'm walking through my office, right? and i see this young girl -- well, i see, but i try not to pay attention. because she might be like inappropriately young to be looking at. >> seth: very smart. very smart. >> anyway, so i walk to my office and i kind of ignore her and then jay z walks in. he says, "you have to come and see this girl." so i walk to jay z's office with him. and it's the same girl, it's rihanna. right? and she starts -- she does an audition for us. and she sings. and the thing that got me was she darted her eyes over at me. i almost went like, whoa, right? [ light laughter ] they're incredible. >> seth: she has those serious eyes. >> she has those eyes, right? and i was like, oh, my god. when she was done, i said jay, don't let this girl leave the building, right? that was it. >> seth: that's fantastic. and you just signed her right then? [ applause ] >> yeah. >> seth: that's great. >> incredible. love her. >> seth: i think by the way, if she darted her eyes at me, i
i'm pretty sure i couldn't handle that. you're cool. you can handle rihanna looking at you. i would be like, aahh! >> i'm telling you, i wasn't that cool. i'm still not that cool. >> seth: let me tell you about this though. well, you tell me about this. usher, you discovered usher. >> yes. >> seth: and then he -- he discovers beiber and brings justin beiber to you. >> i think that's like, you know, all the stories i've experienced, the one that's the most fascinating to me is i signed usher when he's 14 years old. and he calls me one day many, many years later. he says i have a gift for you. and i said "okay, great." he said, i wanna come by your office. i'm thinking usher's gonna bring me a cuban cigar -- >> seth: right. >> or, you know, some fancy wine, you know. and he walks in with this other 14-year-old kid. and he said, this is justin beiber. and then justin starts playing piano and he starts playing his guitar and singing and talking and he won't stop talking and he won't stop talking. [ light laughter ] and i'm like oh, my god this kid is fascinating. >> seth: now when it first
sang? [ laughter ] i don't want this. >> i actually thought he was pretty incredible. >> seth: and he had -- this is from the first meeting? >> that's that day, right there. >> seth: beiber still had a early hair game. and were you taken with the hair cut? did you see that as something -- >> yeah, the next time i met him which was maybe two weeks later, he didn't have the hat on. and the hair had grown. and i was like, "oh, god. this guy has hair also." you know? i believe in the hair. like the hair is a hook like everything. you know, like your face matters, your song matters, your hair matters. >> seth: yeah. >> in most cases. mine, it clearly doesn't. >> seth: right, yeah. [ light laughter ] that's why no one's ever brought you as a gift. >> right, exactly. >> seth: so, now, i wanna talk about justin obviously has been in the press the last few years. somebody who gets in trouble every now and then. is that something that you consider yourself, when you're dealing with one of your stars,
that you produce, does it trouble you when they sort of >> i'm a dad. when my kids are out of line, that really bothers me. when my artists are, that's rock >> seth: oh, that's okay? [ laughter ] >> yeah, yeah, go! drum it up. >> seth: don't hurt yourself. >> right. stay safe. but, you know. >> seth: but that's all right. >> 'cause that's how you cross the threshold from like boys to men. you've gotta do the things that >> seth: yeah. >> and that's usually not that good. >> seth: right, yeah. it as far as decision making. >> no. >> seth: and then mariah, you did not discover mariah but you worked with her a lot. would say her come back. how is it to work with her? >> i love mariah. mariah is like to me my musical soul mate. you know, i mean, she's incredible. but what i really love is that she's a real star. like the old days of stardom. glamour.
extra. a little more caviar and a right? i love her. she's incredible. >> seth: you're at a real level whether it's a little more like, every now and then -- i'm a guest in that room. every now and then i'll be like pizza. [ laughter ] that's how i treat myself. >> seth: kanye, you worked with kanye. he has certainly a reputation of being someone not only a genius but exacting on details, maybe difficult to work with. has that been your experience when you've actually -- first of all, i think he's one of the world's greats, right? and maybe i'm going out on a limb and i argue with people, i debate people on it. he might be the most creative artist alive is how i see it, you know. and i think that the ego thing
think he is. i think he's meticulous. he's detailed. he works really hard. he wants to be great. and he really works at it. but in private, he wants to know what you think. hey, seth, what do you think about this? l.a., what do you think? is this good? what do you think? and when he gets it all right, then he puts back on the like super confident guy. you know, i'm the greatest in the world like muhammad ali. [ laughter ] >> seth: and then he comes back. is that right? did you like how i said that i was greatest? [ laughter ] >> no. he's really a lovable guy. >> seth: i enjoy him a great deal. i agree with you on his artistic >> it's way up there, right? >> seth: it really is. when you -- i have to ask you this. 'cause you've been doing it so long, what are you listening to -- what you are listening for i should say when you are listening to a song to see if it's a hit song. like how do you know, do you know right away? >> well, yeah, i do. i kind of know right away. but if i tell everybody my secret, my artists they're gonna think less of me. >> seth: okay, gotcha. >> they already think i'm like old, you know, and maybe -- you don't get it.
you're almost 60 years old, right? but the truth is when i listen to music, i'm listening for the feeling that i got when i listen to music as a kid. i want the same feeling that i heard, that i felt when i heard, "i heard it through the grapevine" or "what's going on" by marvin gaye or, you know, "i want to hold your hand" by the beatles. >> seth: it's less the sound and it's how you makes you feel. >> it's the sound also, but it's the feeling that you can tell if it's a hit or not a hit. you know but so they don't know it, but i want them to sound like records used to sound. >> seth: well, that's fantastic. >> i just can't tell them that. >> seth: no, hopefully no one we mentioned watches the show. so i think you're safe. thank you so much -- >> i doubt it. >> seth: thank you so much for being here. thank you so much. l.a. reid, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] his memoir "sing to me" is available now. and everybody in the audience is getting a copy tonight. [ cheers and applause ] thanks to l.a. reid.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night", everybody. now we here at the show, we think it's important to spice up your love life and keep the fires of passion burning, especially in your day to day routine. so with that in mind, here's a segment we like to call "sexy household items." [ cheers ] like this for example, just an ordinary roomba, but with a simple snap of the fingers, you got yourself a sexy roomba. [ light laughter ] >> is that all you got seth meyers? >> cupcake?
hello, everyone. it is me, seth's old comedy partner cupcake. [ light laughter ] yeah you can clap -- [ cheers and applause ] yes, it makes me feel alive. i'm seth's old comedy partner and i just gotten out of jail. and i'm here to take my rightful place in the "late night" empire as queen of the meyers diners. [ cheers and applause ] yes. they say yes. and i've come for what's mine. half of your show. >> seth: cupcake, i don't know where you got this idea but you're never getting half of this show from me. >> i made you, seth meyers. don't you remember cupcake and milk? >> seth: apologies, everyone. cupcake and milk was our two person improv show that we used to do in chicago.
[ laughter ] >> the chicago sun times called it a must miss. >> seth: cupcake, i'm sorry, but you have to go. i am very busy right now. i am so sorry, everyone. >> yes, so sorry, everyone. we are very busy. we're on official business. >> seth: no, we are not on official business. >> you need me, albino ben stiller. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: i have moved on and my name is seth. >> don't get me wrong weak ass update. >> seth: seth. >> you're good, you can tell a joke. but good isn't good enough. not for "late night with cupcake and seth." [ light laughter ] >> seth: gene, why do you keep moving in on her? >> she said she's my new boss, seth. >> seth: she's no one's boss! [ laughter ] >> look, i didn't come here empty handed. i brought you something to prove i still got it when it comes to comedy. >> what did you bring cupcake?
play it. [ fart noise ] >> seth: that was fine. >> as farts go, that one was perfect. >> seth: i don't need a fart sound effect. i don't need you. >> oh, is it too low brow for you, mr. roomba in a thong. [ light laughter ] seth, you gotten two cavalier. you should walk into work everyday and go ow, sethy boy 'bout that comedy life. >> seth: that just doesn't really sound like something i'd say. >> try it. >> oh! [ applause ] it is a hit. now that's exactly what's going to get people to tune in to "late night with cupcake."
gene. >> she scares me seth. >> seth: oh man. >> look, i spent 17 years in jail for this very moment. >> seth: you spent 17 years in jail because you killed a heckler. >> i'd do it again. did you forget about us? we used to perform every night for tens of people. [ light laughter ] remember our catch phrases? >> seth: yeah. my catch phrase was, well, i don't know, cupcake. >> yes, and mine was the the [ bleep ] is wrong with you, white boy? [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: sorry, cupcake. you're funny. and i love you. but we will never do a show together again. >> fine elizaseth! but you're missing out on the history. >> seth: what character? >> this one. i'm the crazy girl who farts when she winks. [ fart sounds ]
character, cupcake. >> fine! your loss, seth. come along, gene. >> seth: we'll be right back [ cheers and applause ] gene! gene! piano music. i'm glad you finally made it, dad. you have to experience this city. that's what you always say. you were right about the food. hi john. hey kevin. spent the day with an astronaut. one more. it's beautiful, isn't it? how about a baseball game next time? done! done. book priceless experiences around the globe with... ...your world mastercard.
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you got what you wanted didn't you don't know where your heart is but mine's bruised you knew when you started that i'd lose is not you and marks from under my skin but you're etched in me like stone you can't save me yeah yeah lord i try and i can't say no you're the pain one taste and i'm numb again you can't save me yeah yeah
oh lord na na na na na yeah oh lord na na na na na yeah oh lord na na na na na yeah ain't nothing i can do to save my soul oh lord na na na na na yeah oh lord na na na na na yeah oh lord na na na na na yeah a moth to a candle me to you i was never this fragile or consumed i'm covered in shrapnel through and through and i wish i knew how to hate you i try to wash the scars lodged from under my skin but you're etched in me like stone
yeah yeah could tell you hate me yeah yeah lord i try and i can't say no you're the pain and the medicine one taste and i'm numb again you can't save me yeah yeah lord i try and i can't say oh lord na na na na na yeah oh lord na na na na na yeah oh lord na na na na na yeah nothing i can do to save my oh lord na na na na na yeah oh lord na na na na na yeah oh lord na na na na na yeah you've got your chains wrapped around me so tight give me enough just to keep me alive i try to run but it hurts every time