tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC February 18, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST
jimmy kimmel! rs and applause ] immy: welcome to the show, i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching. thank you for coming.. that's very nice. somebody in the audience was doing a cheerleader move, which i appreciated. you never lose that, do you. oh, boy. i'm glad you're here. mess it was last night. last night, those of you here know, last night the unthinkable happened. it rained. onto us. some of it got on my body. which was scary. when it rains in l.a. we don'tith ourselves.
i went to dinner after the show. first of all i forgot my phone. i left my phone at home require going. even though the restaurant i was going to, i've been there probably five times. but i now rely so much on my phone the part of my brain that knows where things are has been erased. i still remember all the lyrics to all the huey lewis songs but i can't find my house anymore withoute. so when i did get to dinner 20 minutes late everyone there -- everybody's a mess. including me. we're all acting like weove through the chase scene from "mad max: fury road." people are panting. it was as if we'd been caught in the eye of a hurricane and narrowly escaped.aining that hard. really was just kind of barely raining. but we were frazzled. i had to be unfras zzled thiser it rains our local news
scene to capture every drop of the liquid drama that unfolds. >> since we arrived in 6:00 p.m., the rain hasn't stop falling. drivers had to slow down along a very wet pch. the winds havbut the flags were moving. >> jimmy: yeah, flags were moving. drivers had to slow down. had i known theouldn't have tried to go to dinner. thank god we're alive. we're all heroes here tonight. in south carolina, things are looking up for ted cruz. ted cruz for the first time is trump in a national poll. of course trump is suing the poll so we'll see how that goes. according to the new nbc news/"wall scruz is on top with 28%. trump is close behind with 26%. marco rubio is in third. trump of course is very unhappy about this result. he called the poll phoney and a it is a bit suspicious. because rupert murdoch owns "the wall street journal."
the poll is what they call anbecause every other national poll shows trump with a big lead. in fact, it's such an outlier, it might just be a liar without the out. but rupert murdoch denies ht be the least of donald trump's problems right now. he has a new feud going with pope francis. not kidding. the pope is in mexico on his asked about donald trump. which is funny on its own, really. and the pope said, a person who thinks only about building wallsay be and not christian. which of course is nonsense, donald trump made it very clear that his favorite book is the bible, so he's definitely a and he wasted no time today firing back at the pope. >> as i'm walking up here they said, mr. trump, the pope made a statement about you. i said, the pope? say? i like the pope.
because if it's good i like the pope. if it's bad i don't like the pope. he doesn't like -- how is this happening? if i told you two years ago that donald trump would be in a fight with the pope you'd think i was insane. makes taylor swift versus kanye west like nothing. i feel like we've become acclimated. here's more from pope versus s being told donald trump is not a nice person. okay? donald trump is a very nice person and i'm a very -- i am a very nice person. and i'm a because the pope said something to the effect that maybe donald trump isn't christian. okay? and he's questioning my faith. i was very surprised to see it. but i am a christian.it. okay. for a religious leader to question a person's faith is disgraceful.
and the pope today responded on his twitter page. he said, thank you to mexico and to all mexicans may thethe blessed virgin of guadalupe accompany you always, donald trump is a loser. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] be above that, he really should, i'm on donald trump's side. [ laughter ] a town hall event with trump, bush, kasich inght and a town hall for the democrats in las vegas. last night ted cruz, marco rubio, and ben carson got a chance to make an impression on voters. the primary there is on saturday. anderson cooper asked personal questions. marco rubio again said -- he asked what kind of music he e liked electronic dance music. edm. why do we need to know this? are we electing a president or uber driver?s a big fan of '90s west coast hip-hop, which i think probably means he liked the "fresh prince of bel air"
favorite type of music is whatever type of music you like. during the town hall, ben carson as a surgeon. he said he's had to take more 2:00 a.m. phone calls than anybody else in the race. which must be why he looks like he's falling asleep all but by the way, when can we stop pretending ben carson is really one of the candidates? enough already, right? speaking of kooky doctors.s last night. this is a good one. in palm beach, florida, an 18-year-old kid was arrested for operating a fake medical practice. he had an office, he had a grand has a website. this is a picture from his website. that's the kid. his name is malachi love ro number one, doctors don't generally have fauxhawks. and also usually don't take glamor shots at the mall. this isn't the first something like this.
gynecologist in january. what teenage boy hasn't done that? he was released on bond ome reason agreed to sit for a grilling this morning on "good morning america." >> you are a doctor of anything, anything at all? >> i do currently hold a ph.d.. don't feel comfortable disclosing. because that is not the issue here. >> jimmy: right, the issue -- oh no, wait, that is the issue here. he has a ph went to a grammar school with some kind of a graduate option or something. i tell you, i like this kid, he's got a little something we used to call can you be arrested for pretending to be a doctor? dr. phil has been doing this for 15 years. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]e. we have a good show. from "scandal" kerry washington
of egypt, we have nikolaj coster-waldau, and music tonight from jason a very, very popular -- i was listening to one of his songs this afternoon. you know the song "wiggle"? okay, so it's a huge hit. i realized as i wasome of the words might be hard for a lot of people to follow. tonight jason has agreed too help explain the meaning of the song. it's time forpeople." [ cheers and applause ] jason derulo, come on out.nd applause ] >> jimmy: welcome. good to see you. you ready to do this? >> i think it's going to be helpful and educational. you start and then i'll explain. >> all right, beautiful. do with that bigfoot butt wiggle wiggle wiggle
here is, you're an expert at manipulating your rge posterior, so go ahead and shake it aggressively. wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle it just a ittle >> jimmy: again, keep shaking it. shake it shake it shake it but with a touch of panache. paddy cake with no hands got me making wedding plans >> jimmy: he's saying you're doing such a good job with the butt shaking he's hiring a cater,scheme, renting a tuxedo because he's about to propose, right? if i take pictures while you do make you famous on instagram >> jimmy: he'll take photos of you and post them online for strangers to enjoy.
>> jimmy: pretty straightforward. go ahead and go ham sandwich okay, this is the part i don't understand. what does go ahead and go ham sandwich mean? >> you know what this means, it means you're old too, man. >> jimmy: i know. that's why i'm doing this. >> well, so there's that they say you go ham. which means go hard. you know, go crazy. >> jimmy: okay. >> and go ham sandwich is a step further.r than a [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: oh. [ cheers and applause ] can't stand it -- >> jimmy: so sandwich means [ bleep ]?oblem at lunch. all right. so ham sandwiches may get you hard, to continue you can't
>> now what to do with that big fat butt -- >> jimmy: again, you're still doing good with your butt. wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle >> jimmy: wiggle a whole bunch. >> schwing! >> jimmy: it all makes sense now. jason derulo,ake a break, we'll be right back, guillermo and i help kids with their homework, be
first it's time for something fun and educational. not only am i the host of this show, guillermo and i for how many years have >> guillermo: 20 years. >> jimmy: the last 20 years guillermo and i have been cohosting a show on local access television on which we -- 20 that long? >> guillermo: yeah. long time. yeah. >> jimmy: wow. we help kids with are in homework. now for your laughing and it's time for "the homework helper guys." geography, mathematics and anatomy, physicianics and the biology, if you want to get wise call the homework helper guys. afternoon, i am mr. kimmel and this is mr. guillermo. we are the homework helper guys help to help you with your homework every week at this time.g in. i see we have a student on our
hello, what is your name? >> my name's anderson. i live in winfield, illinois. can we help you with today? what subjects are you having trouble with? >> i have some math problems for you. >> jimmy: okay, good, that's where i really chalkboard. >> okay. so a musician's hair was originally three inches long. three inches long. >> okay. okay, she asked her hairdresser to cut five-sixths of it off.ixths. no, that's 5 multiplied by 6. 5/6 would be a fraction. draw a line right there. there you go, okay. okay. keep going. >> okay. how many inches did she have cut off? >> jimmy: we got did figure out how much hair she cut off?my: how does she look,
>> she looks like a -- a bit different y inches do you think she cut off? >> well, that's the answer. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: he's very s so. let's figure it out. we've got 3 over 1. okay. times 5 over 6. okay? >> yeah.ant to multiply. we get 15 over 6. so that's 15/6. ide 6 into 15. and we have 2 3/6. which is 2 1/2. 2 1/2 inches. >> the answer is 1/2. >> jimmy: 1/2 an inch? >> yeah. not 2 1/2.f you knew the answer, why are you calling us? [ laughter ]
[ cheers and applause ]we don't have time to waste. all right. one more thing before we head, it is thursday night which means it's time too bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not, unnecessary censorship." >> i see joyce clinton over there, a man who has done more bleep ] than we could hope to dream up. >> i looked at barack obama's [ bleep ]. barack obama's [ bleep ], which john kerry later described as unbelievably small --s valentine's day i'm going to [ bleep ] you right. >> i want to [ bleep ] you right now but i don't know how. >> taylor, why must you slay like this? >> let me tell you something about the ham house. even a steaming pile of [ bleep ] can't ruin their good bacon. >> two days ago he said he would
that's why nobody reports that. >> ladies and gentlemen, alabama [ bleep ]! >> not so clinton is [ bleep ]ing like a dog. >> bark bark bark bark! >> alison and david -- >> beautiful [ bleep ]. >> [ bleep ] is amazing! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> music from jason derulo. from "game of thrones" nikolaj coster-waldau. and we'll be right back with kerry washington. >> dicky: portions of jimmy kimmel live are brought to you by wendy's: home of the deliciously different dave's
oh no, the car! told ya somebody should've waited in the car. it says there's a black car three minutes away! i'm not taking one of those. that one! they gave authorities the slip, in a prius.ur most-wanted men in the world are stealing our hearts. is that us? i think that's us! public support is at a fever pitch. what started as an amateur heist . one does have to wonder, how long can this chase go on? look, we're trending! let me see that. we're famous!
life as spokesbox is great.aving them over half a grand when they switch to progressive. so i'm dabbling in new ventures. it was board-game night with the dalai lama. le player. go paperless don't stress, girl i got the discounts that you need it's a balancing act, people what they want -- more box. any words for the critics? what can i say? critties gonna neg. e what?!
who's on next week?el bloom, kelly ripa, norman reedis, music from yo gotti and wolf mother.mel after the oscars" biggest night of the year. our biggest night of the year. with ben affleck, tracy morgan, j.k. simmons, mike tyson, matthew roderick and nathan lane, and many more surprises in store.strong show and you are invited to strip down to your underwear and watch it. for five seasons our first guest has orchestrated and weaved her way through more political xual intrigue than bernie sanders and jeb bush combined. she plays crisis manager and olivia pope on sday nights at 9:00 on abc. please welcome kerry washington! applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? good to see see you, always
>> jimmy: i like the dress, that's a dress if i was a woman, or just dressed like one, i would pick out for myself. >> that's very nice to say. nnouncement tonight? >> jimmy: well -- it is time, yes. it's something we've shared privately for years. >> any times have you been on the show? >> i actually realized yesterday that this is my ninth appearance. >> jimmy: your ninth appears. >> on jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] so thinking was ten is special. ten is a nice round number. >> jimmy: it is. >> i did some research about anniversaries.t to get me something. >> jimmy: oh, okay. i thought this was headed the other direction. >> no, no, no. so the traditional gift for a ten-year anniversary, let'sluminum. >> jimmy: that sounds great. >> i have enough foil in my
but the modern gift for a sary is diamonds. really. >> so -- right? [ cheers and applause ] >> the season finale of tennis bracelet, a ring would be inappropriate. >> jimmy: the ring would be inappropriate, yeah. then i would get what? just sex? [ laughter ]lause ] >> jimmy: the guy has to get something. i mean, diamonds -- >> i would let you borrow this dress.ounds like a deal. i'll get you one of those big old -- what are those called? cubic zirconium diamonds. i see them on qvc. >>monds. >> beautiful fake diamonds. >> i don't do fake visits to jimmy kimmel, i need the real thing. >> jimmy: "game of thrones " fan. >> huge. >> jimmy: nikolaj coster-waldau is here.
>> jimmy: he doesn't like to be called that. >> that's true. >> jimmy: doesn't care. >> i knew the person really excited about him being here is my mother so i brought her tonight. she didn't want to sit in the audience because my dressing rooming room. i have a fear she's got a cup against the wall to hear what he's doing. >> jimmy: that's the best-case scenario. >> yes, really. [ laughter ]lause ] >> jimmy: is he her favorite? >> he's her favorite. she's just a huge -- we all are, in my family, huge "game of >> jimmy: she doesn't have a problem with the sex and violence on the show? >> no. my mother is should very elephant elephant, graceful, t she will sit through a sex scene like nobody's business. she doesn't sweat at all. and last week, actually, i watched our "scandal" episode with her.
sex scene. >> jimmy: yeah, you did. >> and i was fidgeting. my mother was like, "good work."hat's weird. >> so weird. >> jimmy: that's a weird experience. >> i tweeted, i'm watching this scene with my mother. everybody's like, she's the best! >> jimmy: your birthday was a couple of weeks >> jimmy: i'm sorry i didn't get you anything for that either. >> you can make up with it, tennis bracelet. >> jimmy: with the diamonds. what did you do? do you have a big celebration?it? >> i had all these grand plans. like i was going to get a bunch of friends together and see the new cirque du soleil show, get a bunch of vegas. i never got tickets. i didn't arrange -- i just was not on top of it. so at the last minute i had thet. my husband and i had date night at disneyland. we were there to ring in the birthday. >> jimmy: without your daughter? >> oh yeah. [ laughter ] >> disney's great for >> jimmy: it's not date night if
>> jimmy: you got in the car and >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's the weird thing about living in l.a. now. >> did you? >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] i have a lot of plans. i'm not driving to disney yeah, great. >> jimmy: what's your favorite ride? >> i like what they've done with the new space mountain. because they've redone it as a "star wars" ride. >> jimmy: aster and there's images from the movie, it's great. i love tower of terror. i like the scary rides. >> yeah, see, i don't. and i'm a vomiter. which is a oa. whoa. you are not invited on my trip. >> jimmy: i'm a lot of fun. we're going to take a break. when we come back "scandal" wast. we can't say anything about it. but kerry washington is with us.
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>> jimmy: we're back with kerry washington. nikolaj coster-waldau is coming, jason week tony goldwyn was there, he plays the president, fitz, your sometimes love interest on the show. he also directs certain episodes of the show. >> he does. i heard he said notout me. >> jimmy: that's true. he said that of all the cast members, you give him -- you're the most difficult, you give him the hardest time when he's directing. is that true? want to address whether it's true or not. i want to talk about what kind of babies go onvision to complain about their costar publicly. infantile. and he does it the thursday
i can presidential. >> jimmy: you're right. >> you're supposed to be a president. >> jimmy: he is. >> buck up, tony, buck up. >> jimmy: he brought shame to the office. [ cheers and applause ] >> airing our buck up. >> jimmy: i take it that it is true? >> it is true. >> jimmy: you're on the cover of "entertainment weekly." i think -- was this this week?was last week. >> jimmy: i was looking at this, first of all embarrassed you all wore the same thing. [ laughter ] >> who wore it better, you, of course. it says that four friends, one conversation, a thousand ideas. are you friends with all these actually. i am. >> jimmy: were you friends -- >> i think i am. they might disa agree. but i am. >> jimmy: were you friends before the magazine cougher? >> yes, we were. and it's a testament that we're still friends after the mag swipe: did they know you were friends? or did they just put you together and say, we're going to say they're friends?
reached out to some of us andho should we pull together? >> see. if you had to rank your friends from this cover -- [ laughter ] who would be number one, who would be number three?e presumed. >> i like them all equally but i have known eva longoria the long sgles eva's number one -- >> no, she just has moree group. these girls are amazing. >> jimmy: when you see each other do you clump together in this way? >> and faded jean color. >> jimmy: that's nice and a good article too. >> don't be jealous. >> jimmy: i would have liked to have been a friend in there, wouldn't that have been nice? >> it would have it's sexist it's all women on the cover no guys at all. >> give me a break there's guys on the cover all the time. >> jimmy: i haven't seen one. to see you. congratulations on everything. the show is -- i saw tonight's episode. it is absolutely insane. in every good way. it's called "scandal."
should. thursday nights, 9:00, abc. we want you to watch kerry live on the oscars sunday, february 28th, 7:00 eastern, 4:00 right back with nikolaj coster-waldau! [ cheers and applause ] can't get unlimited data for your family? other carriers either don't offer it, or it's too expensive! get three lines of unlimited 4g lte data for just fifty bucks each, and get a fourth line, free! hurry.
lause ] >> jimmy: hi, there, we're back. jason derulo on the way. the stars of the show that inspired you to steal your parents' hbo go password. he plays the kingslayer jamie lannister on "game of thrones" and now he's in the movies, too.y 26th you can see him as the falcon deity horus in "gods of egypt." please say hello to nikolaj coster-waldau. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? i have to ask, did you meet kerry washington's mom? >> valerie, yes,>> jimmy: valerie, oh. >> she's a beautiful, wonderful lady.
did she ask you if jon snow is dead? >> she -- she did,: she did, yeah. >> she did, everyone asks that. >> jimmy: everyone does. how many times a day would you say you get asked that? >> i kind of -- i kind of preempt it now. i kind of t someone, i say "jon snow is dead." >> jimmy: that's your opening line? >> sometimes i'm in a shop and the poor person goes, it will be $12.50." >> jimmy: wait a second, are you saying on the record jon snow is dead? >> he was stabbed 50 time in the heart. he's dead. >> jimmy: okay. >>immy: but there are stranger things that happen on that show. in fact, there's a whole wall of heads that are alive. i mean, you know. >> got a good point, a >> jimmy: it wouldn't be the biggest leap we've experienced on "game of thrones." >> spoiler. at the end of season five, he's 's dead, okay.
>> jimmy: i see, ah. is he still walking? can he still walk? >> he's stabbed 50 time he's not moving, he's out cold, he's gone. >> jimmy: i can only imaginee for him. you may not know if he's dead. >> you're right. >> jimmy: you guys don't have scenes together. you don't even know him on't know anything. let's face it. >> jimmy: now that the books -- they've gone past the books. everything is a surprise to everyone. >> yeah, which is wonderful. because i whole time, the other season, where you had all the book readers and they would like have their little smug smile on their face because they knew what was going to happen. >> jimmy: my parentspeople, yeah. my dad read the books twice in a row. and my parents are not that type. it's a very, very strange -- it's very -- i don't know ifanything before. yeah, yeah, and this one, you know, jamie -- you know, he
i go, don'tt he won't stop. now he's been stopped because the book hasn't come out. >> i know. >> jimmy: now even you don't know what's going to go on. >>pen season six. >> jimmy: you know the whole thing? >> yeah. >> jimmy: okay. you're probably so sick of this "game of thrones" you want head off already. >> it might already have. >> jimmy: the hand goes with the head, yeah. >> the monty python thing. >> jimmy: that's right.ending. >> that would be great. go back and fight! >> jimmy: "gods of egypt." based on a true story? [ laughter ]- no it's based -- a true fantasy. which is basically -- i mean, alex peres, the these amazing stories from egyptian mythology and created this parallel universe, this crazy action-adventure story.
who transforms into this falcon thing when he gets pissed off. >> jimmy: of all the bird gods a falcon ones. >> it's cool. >> jimmy: a falcon. >> i always wanted to be big bird. so this was like -- for an actor, a dream come true. a big golden anted to be big bird from sesame street? >> yeah. >> jimmy: they have big bird in denmark? >> yeah, of course. >> jimmy: that's the one you s the one. >> jimmy: why? >> when i read the script and he said he transforms into a golden falcon i was like, this is it. this is it. i made it. been on sesame street? >> no, i haven't. >> jimmy: when they hear this they're going to go nuts. >> oh my god. >> jimmy: big bird's your favorite? >> yeah. who's your favorite?s a really tough question. i have three, i think. ernie is one of my favorites. ind of a [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] if you think about it. i mean, poor bert, he has to deal with so much abuse.
>> jimmy: because, you know. i like the idea that he's got a whole world down in his garbage can. and then i would say -- cookie monster is a . >> jimmy: he doesn't even eat the cookies, he smashes them all over his face. >> come on. that's true. >> jimmy: imagine how much fun he would be at real guy. >> that's true. >> jimmy: so i think i'd have to go with cookie monster as my favorite. >> what about big bird? >> jimmy: i love big bird, don't get me wrong, no offense to big no offense to the family, kermit, all great. yeah. you know what i'm saying. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's weird. i didn't know that was on in i guess that's on all over the world. what the hell's going on in denmark? [ laughter ] >> well -- >> jimmy: when you hear bernie sanders, den mark. >> thank you for all this entertainment with your political process. it's fascinating to follow.
[ laughter ]d of a problem. we don't see these people as muppets, we see them as our leaders. >> really? >> jimmy: yes. [ lauge ] >> jimmy: be straight with me, are you guys laughing at us over there? >> well through tears. because it's kind of an important job for the rest of us as well. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> and -- but, you know, we- we believe in democracy. you have your way of doing and it we have another way of doing it. >> jimmy: could you tell us about your way? we have not figured out our way. way results in almost no movement whatsoever. >> the ratings. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's all about the ryone else is suffering. >> exactly. >> jimmy: wow. is that reported on every day? >> all the time. >> jimmy: really? >> well, because it is really >> jimmy: the weird thing is we
president or a ring or an emperor -- there could be a pastry running your country. we have no idea. there? >> we have a prime minister. we have a lot of different parties. and you have to, you know -- one vote counts and then you -- whoever gets the most votes >> jimmy: interesting. we don't always do it like that. >> i know. >> jimmy: do you have people who are bona fide crazy people that reach the highest levels of government? >> we haven't quite level of insanity. >> jimmy: oh, okay, all right. you're a little behind. we really don't know. >> who you for representing your country here. >> thanks. >> i don't even know you're really from denmark, this could be a fake accent. >> it is. >> who the hell knows what's going on with you. i a movie. "gods of egypt" opens in
>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented
by samsung. >> jimmy: thanks to kerry washington, thanks toaldau and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next. but first, this is his album. it's called "everything is 4." here with the songs "want to want me" and "getderulo! o sleep i got the sheets on the floor nothing on me and i can't take it no more it's a hundred degrees i got one foot out the door where are my keysave yeah in the back of the cab i tipped the driver ahead of time get me there fast i got your body on my mindbad ooh just the thought of you gets me so high
one i want to want me and if you want me girl you got me there's nothin i no i wouldn't douldn't do just to get up next to you girl you're the one i want to want me and if you want me there's nothin i no i wouldn't do i wouldn't do ext to you ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh just to get up next to you ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh get up get up get up get up
this girl straight and this girl not tipsy off thatc like la la la ching-a-lang-lang ching-a-ling-a-lang-lang jeans so tight i could see loose change do your thang thang girl do that thang like la la la em pretty faced girls tryna brass each other and them undercover freaks who ain't nun' but trouble some only cause i love ya people all around the world sexy mother get ugly get ugly baby get ugly you're too sexy to me sexy to me you're too sexy to me sexy to me i can't i can't even lie i'm about to be that guy
have to drive me home la la la ohh ang bang-a-ring-a-rang-rang bass in the trunk vibrate that thang do your thang thang girldo that thang like tell them pretty faced girlsther and them undercover freaks who ain't nun but trouble baby i'm a tell you somee ya people all around the world sexy -- get ugly you're too sexy to me sexy to me you're too sexy to me sexy to me so sexy damn that's ugly everybody lose control
no no no this is "nightline." >> tonight, the alleged fake teen doctor chargedng medicine without a license. a year after being caught on surveillance roaming a hospital acting like a doctor. how police say hetients and his family. our reporter goes one on one with the teenager. >> are you in big trouble? >> what prompted him interview. they call him the king of