tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC February 23, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks for joining us. this may sound a little bit odd but i'm starting to think my house is trying to get rid of me. i mentioned last night on the show on, monday night i a handful of sea sick medication because i thought they were breath mints. i have no idea where they came from. last night about 2:00 in the morning. i'm in bed and i think i hear a und. my wife who wakes up any sound. every time i let out even half a snore, she wakes up. she's sound asleep. so i assume i'm dreaming. then i hear it again.t and i hear nothing. i lay my head back down.
this happens again and again once every five minutes. how much. it could have been 20 minutes, it's possible i was there for days. i don't know. i was half asleep. finally i get up first i go into the bathroom to wait for the sound. and i'm just standing there waiting. and of course, i don't hear anything. i wait. just when i'm about to go back to bed itut not as loud. so i know it is not in the bathroom. now i move to the bedroom. i stand there waiting. i wait.. i'm like -- okay, just when i relax, i hear it again. now i know it is from outside the bedroom. he sow i repeat room of the house. it is like i'll playing hide and seek with a bird. i'm waiting. each time it gets me a turned out to be the smoke detector at the end of the hallway which is mounted on
and i think it is important to note. that i'm naked. i'md. so, i have to get up there to stop this. i grab a little stool that is not deseasonable for a tand on. i don't care. there's no way i'm going down to the garage to get a ladder. at this point i rather go to the the garage. i climb up there. i'm still woozy from sleeping. probably from the sea sickness pills. i get up there.et up there, my wife walks out. she shrieks a little. i'm at the stool eye level withf gets started which scares me and i almost fall off the stool. but i get down. i start over again. at this point if i had had a shot my smoke detector, killed it. blasted it through the ceiling and dwelt the damage in the morning.
unless i got this thing down, there is no way we're going back i get up there and i stretch and i reach. i just wrench it off with my finger tips. i pull it down and i pull out the batteries like a little or something. i get the battery out. i then put the smoke detector on the stool. and i throw the battery in the garbage and i go back to bed. it. i go back to bed. the thing beeps again. no battery no, power source of any kind. i'm convinced it was run at that point. so i took, this is true. i took it downstairs and i put it in the refrigerator. why did the smoke detector e of the night? it never happens at noon. i feel like they're making them in for the korea to torture us. this is recently discovered.
have you heard of the masquerade app? it is an app thatses masks over your face. it is very bright here. now i'm, that's my head with leonardo dicaprio. i as leonardo. snoop dogg. you know what i'm saying? that's right. you can move your head at that. there's the joker which is scary. there is a monkey. guillermo, you should do it t something up here like a monkey or something. let's see what you look like. oh, look at that. it's the joker.s barack obama. wow! you know, you can actually, that
el presidente over there. at the tv, too. let's try it with donald trump here. we're going to play a clip of donald trump. i'll get real close. >> i want short people, tall people. >> there he is. harry potter. black people, skinny people. highlyokay educated, and practically not educated at all of isn't that the greatest thing ever? all right. that's way better than a smoke detector. i'll tell you that. it was a big day for donald trump. the nevada caucuses took place. voting in the state of nevada is a littleada you pull the lever first and then you find out who you voted for. it is more exciting. donald trump was heavily favored to win. not just by donald trump. by other people too.ed cruz are in a fierce battle for second
ted cruz is very trumpy lately. he just released an ad.ell off or give away all of nevada's public lands, national parks, forests and monuments which is a great idea if you're a cult leader or the founderygamist sect. not. he said the "o'reilly factor," if he is elected, not allow aliens to return. but ted cruz says, he is so strict on immigration. he says if he is elected president, he will even deport to canada. so this is from the election coverage. thank you. on msnbc. they had a live report from an in reno which really gave us some insight into the current mood among gop voters.
there are lots of folk here whoecond amendment in this country is under attack. [ gun fire ] >>ort din away -- [ inaudible ]. >> the second amendment drowned out the first amendment. and he was around and tell them to shut up. meanwhile, the democrats have a primary in south carolina this weekend. and bernie sanders who has hading african-american voters just got a high profile endorsement from spike lee. spike lee taped a radio ad. he just threw a through hillary clinton's pizzeria window. it is a weird election when spike lee is endorsing the oldest whitest man the world has
isn't confusing bernie with deon sanders? so as you probablycars are sunday here on abc. then please stay up for our 11th annual after show. this is the time of year when movie lovers scramble to seeed films. as a public service, we asked our friend to review some of the nominees for best picture to help you decide what to see. if your time isnt to know what to see before the big show. tonight, a review on a movie i refuse to see for personal reasons. but here'srtian. >> action! >> action? action. i'mhe movie. his name is martini. go with the group to the moon.
>> is that a video message? crew. play it. >> i'm alive. >> i hope matt damon won oscar for that movie. he won oscar before with ben affleck.y. the movie very good. all in the desert like star war. action in that movie, a lot of actor in that movie. they got the guy, -- >> i'm the director of nasa. >> his name jeff. in the movie dul and dahmer. the haid with the red hair. movie. named jessica. and also in the movie. the american african.
his name, the guy from africa.t damon. good luck watching the movie, guys. action. >> thank you. when we come back, a visit from kim and the girl scouts are selling cookies in front of marijuana shops and never before seen, never imagined footage from the walking ck around. e a dep-- scanner: rescan item. rescan, rescan. rescan item. ns so often you almost get used to it. phone voice: main menu representative. representative. representative. vo: which is why being put first... vo: ...takes some getting used to.
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from "the walking dead", kim kardashian yesterday. she posted the new photo ofon shelf posted a photo of his hand earlier this year and this is the rest of him. he is very cute. up until now he was hidden. available only to title subscribers. he is not your ordinary baby. the reason his arms are over his head is because he can fly. and in fact, he is here ease welcome st. west, ladies and gentlemen. look at that.
we're lucky he didn't have a full diaper.been a mess. in portland, oregon today, a very enterprising young girl scout decided to sell her cookies in exactly a spotll cookies. in front of a pot shop. someone tweeted this. girl scout cookies being sold in why? what do you mean why? that's the only question i don't have is why. on. because she wrote, satisfy your on the thing. the kid is very smart. this is a real problem. there is no way a little girl is going to be able to lift all that money. she'll to have get help. i a special badge for this. if the girl scouts are selling cookies outside marijuana stores, the brownies should be selling brownies, right?e a very good show
ellen pompeo is here tonight. the new movie, triple 9. and the walking dead, norman here. and the enormously popular show, he plays darrell on the show. the new season is really great. they're updating the walking in more modern stuff. and in fact, norman has provided us with a scene from next week's else that has not been seen think it is a very good
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i'm dabbling in new ventures. it was balai lama. great guy. terrible player. go paperless don't stress, girl i got the discounts that you need but i got to give the people what they want -- more box. any words for the critics?
this is his album hustle." yo gotti featuring travis barker from the samsung stage. i don't know if there's a grammyum cover of the year but that's a good one there. that's spectacular. tomorrow night, our guests are gordon ramsay, jurnee smollett-bell, and we'll have music from wolfmother. billy brown, and music from tinashe and snakehips featuring chance the rapper. >> jimmy: and on sunday night, the oscars are on abc. and once again, i am hosting our annual after party -- the oscars." you and a plus eight are cordially invited to our star-studded event, with ben affleck, j.k. simmons, mike tyson, matthew broderick, nathan lane, henry cavill, morgan, and surprise guests as well. please join us.es owned 80% of this network's prime-time
spewing from a hollowed-out ood, she created a little show about an attractive group of doctors, one of whom named grey. and, almost 11 years later, it continues to be one of the most popular shows on okay. what do you think it is? >> i don't know yet. it feels like a tumor. >> i watched him place the clip. the clip didn't slip. >> the clip slipped. her to ct. >> meredith! >> what? >> she's my patient. she came back. >> she was she's mine. >> when he had all the interns chasing their tail for the answers. >> yes. >> and he was chasing your tail? thursdays at 8:00 here on abc. please welcome ellen pompeo.
you look fantastic. i love your outfit. >> thank you. you look fantasticimmy: everything all right? >> my feet don't touch the ground. >> jimmy: you'll get taller. >> is that what happens when girls sit next to you?my: our drummer is pretty drunk right now. so am i so it's okay. >> jimmy: 11 years this show has been on the air. do you rememberode? do you remember when you were first shooting it, what you thought about what might happen? >> do i. some things. i remember thinking, we have no idea how to act like t's okay because the interns are not supposed to have any idea how to be doctors. so it's okay if we mess up and look like to be. interesting. i don't think it's true. i think the interns have done like a lot of medical training by that point.
enough to make it work. and have you been shooting in that same spot the whole time? >> we have. we shot the pilot at veterans. which we don't use anymore. yes, we do shoot in the same spot. our stages are in the same place.ituals lying a daily routine that you go through when you're shooting this show? >> yeah. i come in. i complain and to whom? >> myself. anybody who will listen. >> jimmy: it doesn't matter. you decide to be an actor. you get on a hit, a huge hitbody loves it and everything goes great for 11 years. and yet as human beings, we about. >> we love don't know if she is behind this now. i've heard some mixed things. someone makes the cast of how to get away with murder and scandal live tweet through all their
that. >> we certainly started before the whole social media thing. >> jimmy: before twitter, yes. >> so when that came to be, we were like so frekd out by thatf having that direct inaction with the fans. >> jimmy: yet if you had been asked to do it when the show started, it would have beentter did not exist. it would have been a completely unreasonable request. >> that doesn't mean completely unreasonable requests don't : that's true. yes. >> you like to be cooperative. >> jimmy: yes. >> and we're proud of the show. and i do like the e fans. it is fun. so occasionally when they ask you to come talk to jimmy kimmel or a live to seem like a cooperative person.
>> jimmy: you're here be. >> here begrudgingly but pleasantly. >> yes. >> jimmy: that turns out the to be the case with a lot of women in my li to see the taylor swift comment. >> she is a fan of the show. and her cats are named over live. i can't i learned that from twitter. i would never know this if it were not for twitter. >> jimmy: so she announced she would name the cat after your acter. >> the twitter fans know everything about her. so they knew this so that's how i found out. then somebody : your attorneys contacted her. >> yes. they said would you like to be in this video. yes. that would be so fun. there's an old lady section, i'mmy: do you feel like
>> i do not. no. i feel like i have the ass of a-year-old. >> jimmy: you're sitting. how would we know that? >> when she gets up to leave,commercial. you won a vma form video. >> yes. and a moon man which i haven't picked up. so so graciously invited me over to get it. i was>> jimmy: did you neat cat? >> no. and i'm super allergic to cats so it will be awkward.ething a little special that i want to do with you. you've been playing a doctor for 11 years. i was wondering if you would know the name of common and maybe not sohat doctors use. okay? i'm going to pull out some things. some of them are harder than others. we'll start with an easy one.
>> come on.pe. >> jimmy: correct. all right. let's do something else easy. let's go with -- >>n! >> jimmy: this. >> mets. >> jimmy: that's a baseball team. >> a clamp.'s a clamp. >> jimmy: well -- >> it is a clamp. >> jimmy: it's a hemo stat. >> that's what pot to call them. >> jimmy: okay, okay. we're drawing on your experience here as doctor, not a stoner. okay? this is similar. a bigger version of it. >> oh, this is on. it's a -- actually, it's not what i think it is. i've never seen this. we don't use this.
don't use are forceps. you hear about them all theot on grey's. >> jimmy: don't worry, we have a lot more to go through. we're going through a couple of hundred. okay? >> okay, okay. what this thing is for? >> yes. that is a rib spreader. >> jimmy: yes. absolutely correct. what this is? >> that's a scalpel. >> jimmy: yes! a scalpel. do you know what this is called? >> an >> jimmy: absolutely right. >> this is a little bit harder. what is this? >> this is this is to gas you to sleep. i don't know what it is called but i know what it does.
matters.t this thing is? >> that i know is to measure breathing. i don't know what it is called though. >> jimmy: i apparently have no lung hour whatsoever because it is not a nebulizer. >> okay. >> jimmy: i feel like you're calling my things into question. >> of course i'm a woman.uestion everything you say. i had asthma. so i know what a nebulizer is. >> jimmy: now you do. >> the medicine gets hooked up to. int type. >> jimmy: and let's go with one more. >> i'm not going on admit defeat ever. >> jimmy: there's no needle on called? >> a syringe. >> jimmy: that's absolutely right. but suffice to it say, if there is an emergency of any kind, i am not going to turn to you. no fun. come on! >> jimmy: all right. i'll turn to you.
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drinking a lala him a script. he is going to be jumping over a tank of live snakes. >> oh!>> don't you need a strong guy to do that? >> no. it has to be you. >> if i don't make the jump i'll go inside the snakes.ble idea, eh? one is coming out. >> dealing with a snake in the past like when you were a kid? >> my pants. >> my name is loco.
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thriller "triple 9."orman reedus! good to see you. how are you doing? >> i'm doing great. >> jimmy: i know you just flew in from london. you were if a fan convention in. >> it was skit with you, went to london and came back. >> jimmy: unbelievableful are the fans of the walking dead more reserved than the fans here in the >> better. >> jimmy: i was going to say better behaved. i think more reserved seemed more appropriate. >> they're equally as crazy.urprise you? >> no. we had andrew lincoln there as well and he doesn't do a whole lot of those things. they went s particular incident that i'm going to mention is something that is above and beyond anything i've
these conventions. or false, bitten by a woman at a convention. >> that's true. >> jimmy: what happened exactly? >> we took a picture, right? off, she came out and she goes, sometime i like the pretend that we're married. i went, oh, okay. then to tell you the truth, i was so tired at that point it didn't really register she said that. and then we took this picture. then she sort of morphed into a she started to shake like that. and then she went up like this and sort of how old. she came down and bit me chest. and then howledhael was there and he said what the [ bleep ] and then officers tackled her to the
she was escorted out. and then she came outside. what happened? and they said ma'am, you just bit norman. she goes, i did? >> jimmy: she tweeted the photo.his was just before the attack. so that's your wife? >> no. >> jimmy: i'm still not clear >> she is now. >> jimmy: did she draw blood? >> no. but she left her teeth prints on me. >> jimmy: when the moon is full, does your hair turn red? >> no.ber that movie total recall? and the woman pulls her head off and throws it? it was sort of like that. she was a nice lady. great. >> she had an episode, you know what i mean the? >> jimmy: have you ever bitten aou ever been that fired up? >> did i once.
me. and i was too nervous to say k a picture of the back of his head. and then the plane got up to wi-fi level. and be some sent me a picture of the back of my head plane. so i mean, i get it. i do it too. >> jimmy: and youance to speak to or nibble on him? >> no. but he's martin short. >> jimmy: i think it probably would have been a pleasant experience. it is better to take aack of a person's head. when you travel, do you ever go on a plane with the blood and the dirt and that kind of stuffe show? >> you know, i go through atlanta airport quite a bit with blood all over my neck and my arms. i'm to go hand them my passport or my
and people are looking at me like i'm crazy.e lose his microphone? i feel like we lost my microphone too, right? >> that's the weirdest thing ever. >> jimmy: we'll just yell at the audience in here. like i'm not loud enough to hear me. i thought your movie triple 9 was very exciting. i really end joyed it. this is a bank robber movie. about you. can you say anything about your part in the movie? >> yeah. i have a certain skill set with the >> jimmy: for the cast, it's unbelievable. >> yeah. i'm a fan of all of them. we had this skill set to pull off something that needs to be done. it is like a thing. if you need it done, we band together but we do it in a very, very horrible way. >> jimmy: which will make more sense to people as they see the n paul who was here last night. he's in the flil.
>> jimmy: you knew each other before the movie? >> for a long time. weis movie. i've done the brother thing quite a bit. usually the younger brother. now i'm the older brother which kind of pisses me off. him and clifton collins, caseyfleck, kate that winslet. >> jimmy: wood yip haralson is in the movie also. it is very good to see you. i'm sorry noanything we're saying. you're very understanding. [ applause ] in theaters friday. and when we return, music from ky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by
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"down in theravis barker, yo gotti!rl post her bm in her dm all eyes yeah i see 'em yeah this your man it go down it go down in the dm it go down it goes down in the dm it go downe dm it go down i tell her snapchat me that boo or facetime me that if it's cool dm poppin' dm poppin' my dm just caught a body i got celebs in this dm who they breaking news but naw we don't do no talking we see sucker too often
so i hit her in her dm all eyes yeah i see 'em yeah this your man i hate to be him dm it go down it go down in the dm it go down it go down it goes down in the dm it go downe dm it go down it go down i tell her don't you hate when you get screenshot petty that dm wasn't for everybody rules am i love tha gram i love tha gram i'm addicted to it i know i am i know i am and i just followed angela simmons boy i got a simmons they like damn gotti you bold ima let the world know i see your girl so i hit her in her dm all eyes yeah i see 'em
in the dm it go down it go down in the dm it go down it go down it goes down in the dm it go down it go down i tell her if it's cool i tell her snapchat me that boo or snapchat me that if it's cool i see your girl post her bm so i hit her dm all eyes yeah i see 'em i hate to be him it goes down in the dm it go down it go down it go down it goes down in the dm it go down it go down in the dm
rs and applause ] don't trust no chick that's messing with yo dog that law if you come up don't forget about yo dog that law so it's the law if you broke that should be against the law don't trust no chick dog that law if you come up don't forget about yo dog that law i'm a street so it's the law if you brokeinst the law i'm a real hustler so don't knock it that law it's all about the re-up and the profit that law without no bottles that law we gon ball today that law i be in the kitchen whippin' if you sat down and talked then you the law
i'm fresher than a dog be against the law i'm living my life like the rules of the game and this is "nightline." >> tonight news from the showdown in nevada. it's the first contestor the republican presidential hopefuls. and abc news is projecting that donald trump will finish first in the state's caucuses. down his campaign? and we go into the wild to the front lines of a modern war to save an ancient animal from extinction. we're with the rangers their lives to track poex here's kill for the coveted rhino s.