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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  January 19, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST

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remember to join us in th >> stephen colbert! >> stephen: thanks, everybody. captioning sponsored by cbs dr5n:*heylcoco& "thehlhl11stststststststststst s s s s!sth$-$-$- 3tephen::: thaha every thun rsrsrsrsrsrsrsrsrsrsrs 's's you uc
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someone should stop me from doing this joke? >>eah, this year in the jacuzzi sex joke, i got pretty naked, the and that-- that's the first time i was like, "oh, somebody stop this. somebody come in and get me out of this one." >> stephen: yeah, yeah. i find the fewer clothes i have on, the less erotic it gets. >> without a d dbt. >> stephen: the older i get the more that's the case. let's keep this sexy. let's put a parka on me. ( laughter ) can i ask you a qstion about another project that you did that i really enjoyed. >> pase. >> stephen: because i'm also a big began of guillermo el toro. "p"pificim." u re ofdhe t%cuyey "phrimh& righ&1sphbaobotototototototototototototototototototothh
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at are t t tggg uuuuuuiziz o o cities, why nakeobts er t@a@mhhave tfight tonsterererer ys them? s g gddd poioi. >> stephen: give wpon ororororororororororororororororor/>/>/> can of bug spray. >> stephen: a sharp be would be nice air, broken bottle would be fun. >> don't have the fix for that one. i did not write the movie. >> stephen: but there's going to be a "pacific rism 2" right? >> come on. >> stephen: there is. they d d d d delelelat yououou ither.@ >> ty ddelelel na. &s&s&sfnfnyou'0ilhehehe t t tie mad, $n.n.n.$p$p$pdays shehere l l l " " ",at soso we' k wist o s s ododuckiteaeannnn 1 1 gogogo l l w "cific and gok k k k k k rackioio
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my money's on football teams. but we do know who the star of superbowl 50 will be. i'll give you a hint. he's got two thumbs and is me. because right after the game, i will be a a ececl l l "late showowowowowanannnnnnne momomomomoededoohe last t ininininina seeses sing intnta a a a a coco.......night i'm m oud d kic ofo mymymymyost-t-t-t-bowl roo ththsupepew: cococoowowtototo l l the popogame p p pewewlate s sww vi ( ( sspplalae e e e > t tt't' w wt't't'enenenriri t tre.. !!soso we'e'e'ng i lililili is s s s ee thahahahahahahahahahehe ninini b bl l,l,t' h@ ith phe
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uuuyuy wead >>tephph: meoeoeoeoeo..... game w wt inininrte,e,nd there e e e jor contveveveveer the coininlip. the itp,p,ndndwn, sososowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ipipipipverrrdon't t enenenenhohohou dododododododo 0 0 ararararararefefefef'v'v'v'v'vtake a ah. p pkeddpp c cn,n,n,flflpepepepesadloilalald o o oememhhhhhhdininstugugugugugugug s.efidha-f a an.f.l.posmans nohehe lebobo that aedp.p.p.thththalso n nng t td says the e f couldndn pvlqn behind the quarterback's ear. ( cheers and applause ) what's this, aaron rodgers? the cardinals won the toss both times and clinched the game on
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es`he e e e e e t day,d d y.y. y y y y y y from.... ( ( eersppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppwewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewen n n tetetete$"eseses owuruoou prer? >> pressure, lotf loti. u know, dsssse le a sad. e like an.
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ix ip.ooajd dlasdthc. o toay.p >en t@mh se. ngtutaononh"life pieces." i fefl l lee're brotierou now in the columbia broadcasting system. >> stephen: we are coworkers now. >> yeah. >> stephen: and any touching i do of you has to be welcome. i read the handbook. >> yes, page 84. ( laughter ). >> stephen: so if i even go, "hey, how you feeling, you seem tense," let me know if that's welcome. >> okay, okay. >> stephen: tell me about "life in pieces." how many broke girls aren it? >> i'm very fortunate in that i'm surrounded by incredibly talented people on that show, zoe lister jones, who plays my wife, who you saw in the clip. we have jim brolin and diane weist-- >> i have to tell you, one of my favorite things about the show is i have an enormous cru on diane weist. >> that will hopefully continue. >> stephen: yeah, no, no. she's so charming. i love diane weist.
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anything she asks, you just want to go, "yes." oh, is this okay? >> stephen: >> stephen: this is perfectly fine. you're in character now. >> i'm in character. >> stephen: as with diane weist, it's very welcome. you're a new dad in "life in pieces." but you're also the dad of young kids. have any actual stories of your life ended up on the show? >> yeah. >> stephen: have you used that experience? >> yes, inin the pilot episode, we-- we-- prior to the pilot,un, pilots are very specific things. they're gone through with a fine-toothed comb because it's got to be perfect because that's going to be the-- you know, people are going to judge that one episode and say, "do we want to make" you know, hopefully in our case "2,000 more episodes?" we had a meeting in which we were talking about the unique nature of the show bause it's four short stories, and each one focuses on different members of this multigenerational family.
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moments from everyone's lives, that then paint a grester picture of what family life is like. it's actually very sweet and very funny. and i had told this story about when i took my firstborn daughter, with my wife, home from the hospital. and we basically cried the entire way home. they were -- >> with joy? >> with joy. i always-- i alws have to preface with nothing but utter joy. just crying tears of just, "i'm so hpy!" and i told that story the very next day, there were revisions sent to me with that written in. and i'm look, okay, but we're never going to shoot that. we shot it. >> stephen: did you tell your wife that you had shared this story? >> i did. and she said, "you have to stop telling them these stories." because they ended up putting it in the pilot. >> stephen: i'll tell you what my wife looked like when@she was having the baby, okay. she had her feet nupt stir ups-- >> you cannot tell those stories.
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to be very careful with the story. >> stephen: did you have this reaction? i had this reaction when they gave us our baby, my first child, i could not understand why we were allowed to leave with her. ( laughter ). >> well, that's the great thing. they really--there's no real class. they don't -- >> no! >> they don't check to make sure you're prepared. like, they'll -- >> andnd it's 24 hours later, and there's the door, buddy. >> absolutely, absolutely. >> stephen: don't let the door hit you with the baby split you. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> i had to go through more training to drive the car home than i did to have the baby for the rest of my life. >> stephen: now, but you play a dad, and you've got a little baby on the show. do you ever go like, "the baby is dirty. i have to change her." do you mistake-- >> no, because when it's not your baby, you do not care. ( laughter ) ( applause ) you do not care. >> stephen: that's so true.
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what is-- what is that small, dirty thing on the floor over there? >> don't care. >> stephen: it's not my child. >> oh, this baby is crying. here, take it. >> stephen: you also make documentaries. >> i do. >> stephen: you have a new documentary coming out. it's being released today. >> it came out on itunes. it's called "all things must pass." it's about the rise and fall of tower records. >> stephen: tower records was such a huge thing when i was younger. i understand you applied for a job at tower records. >> twice. i applied twice. both times i scwd for an application, and i guy said to me ( size ) "another look, i can give this to you. and you could fill it out. but i'm just gonna put it on the bottom of a stack this thick, and we're not even hiring. so if you want to fill it out, knock yourself out." that. ( laughter ) at two different locations. documentary revenge? because they're gone now. they're gone.
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and here you are, still ridein 'high. >> if only th had hired him, their story would have turned out differently. >> tephen: this is not your first documentary. you also did one about the san francisco giants. >> yes. >> stephen: had a-- had a-- >> they had a mascot. >> stephen: a mascot that was an anti-mascot. >> yes. >> stephen: what's the name of this documentary of yours? >> "the anti-mascot." ( laughter ) e san francisco giants, in 1984, they had a really -- >> you're not going to tell me the title of the documentary? >> no, it's called "the >> no. >> steph: i pulled tt sphrailt from where the sun don't shine. i had no idea. >> it's "the anti-mascot." the giants had such a horrible team they created a commercial that was designed-- it was a fake poll in which the san francisco sports fans said they
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