tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC January 11, 2016 11:34pm-12:37am EST
candidate donald trump, ken jeong, musical guest cam, and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: bowie! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is a hot crowd right there. that's what i'm talking about. welcome. welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." this is it. you're here. [ cheers and applause ] the crowd. this is what we need. it's what we want.
welcome to "the tonight show." i'm your host, jimmy fallon. you guys, we have donald trump on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] i'm not saying security is tight, but the secret service just built a giant wall around the building. [ laughter ] and we had to pay for it. [ laughter ] it seems like every day, we are trump. in fact, i just read right after giving a speech, no matter where he is, trump likes to fly back that night to sleep here in new york. although sometimes when he's really tired, he'll just buy a a hotel. [ laughter ] [ applause ] actually, the campaign's starting to get really heated now. in fact, several candidates are now accusing ted cruz of not actually being a natural born american citizen. and if it's true, it could mean he couldn't be president. cruz is not happy about this. but i think now he might be trying a little bit too hard to sound american.
>> you know, jfk said, "some men see things as they are and ask why. [ light laughter ] i see things that never were and ask why not." >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. one is that quote wasn't actually from john f. kennedy. that was from [ light laughter ] and secondly the impression wasn't of john f. kennedy. it was mayor quimby from "the simpsons." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and so that's two things. at least quote him. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: a real quote. oh, and listen to this. over the weekend, bernie sanders said that if he's elected, he plans to spend $1 trillion to fight unemployment. [ scattered cheers ] when asked what they would do with that kind of money, unemployed people said, retire. [ laughter and applause ] why would i work? a trillion dollars. and did you see this? former new york city mayor michael bloomberg reportedly commissioned a poll to see how he'd do if he ran for president
he'd be a billionaire new yorker running an unexpected campaign for president. or as one guy called it, "total pipe dream. [ laughter and applause ] never happen. never do it." i read the republican candidates aired a dozen new tv ads last week, even though recent data has shown tv ads are mostly ineffective. chris christie was like, "if tv ads aren't effective, then why do i keep going to wendy's for their gouda bacon cheeseburger, here only for a limited time?" [ laughter ] [ applause ] tell me they don't work? this is kind of crazy here. a day after he was caught it came out that mexican drug lord el chapo actually sat down for an interview with sean penn while he was on the run. in the interview, el chapo describes himself as, "a person who's not looking for problems in any way. [ laughter ] you know, except for the whole mexican drug lord thing.
it's like, "i'm just a humble drug lord. you know, i chop up my enemies one leg at a time. [ laughter ] i'm just, you know, like anybody else. [ applause ] i'm just a mexican drug lord." >> steve: that's it. >> jimmy: what's the problem? i heard that after federal police caught el chapo they took him to a sex motel as a a discreet hiding place where they could wait for reinforcements. [ laughter ] and this is a real photo. look at this. [ laughter ] you can tell it's a sex motel because look at his handcuffs. [ laughter ] [ applause ] you know, there's a fur -- that's not normal handcuffs. >> steve: that's not normal. i can see fur. >> jimmy: i saw that nasa just released raw footage of a photo shoot of the next international space station crew. not many people get to go to space. so the astronauts are naturally very excited. take a look at how happy these guys are. [ laughter ] >> a little more. all right. this time a little more expression. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there you go. perfect, perfect. yeah. save some of the energy for the
>> steve: a little more expression. just a little more. [ laughter ] okay. you fell asleep. you're falling asleep. >> jimmy: come on. a little excited, dude. >> steve: give us something. >> jimmy: you're going to space, man. it's what you dreamt of. yeah. you guys, check this out. i heard that the playboy mansion is now on the market for $200 million. yeah. the buyer doesn't wanna be obvious about it. so, he'll probably be like, "i'm just gonna get like a pack of gum, some milk, a newspaper, and throw in the playboy mansion. [ laughter and applause ] and i'll just take a playboy mansion as well. put it in the bag first." that's right, the playboy mansion is up for sale. and get this, this is true. whoever buys it actually has to let hugh hefner live there. [ light laughter ] experts are calling this the first house where you can get to know a ghost before he haunts it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
give it for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: guys, before we begin, i'd like to say rest in peace, david bowie. great artist. [ cheers and applause ] one of a kind singer, songwriter, actor, fashion icon, mad genius. who also had one of the greatest senses of humor of anyone i've ever met. we would actually e-mail each other jokes every now and then. and he was brilliant, and sharp, and dark, and funny. we were just talking about him last week. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: we wished him happy birthday, showed a clip from his video and now he's not with us. i was trying to think of
just it didn't come out right. so i'm just going to e-mail you, david bowie. and if you can check your e-mail in space or heaven or wherever you are, you don't have to e-mail me back. [ light laughter ] in fact, don't. it'd be weird. it'd be weird for me. don't even consider it. [ light laughter ] just read it. and enjoy what i put in there. but we should all celebrate him for all the fantastic work he's done. download all his albums. he has a brand-new album called "blackstar," it just came out on friday and it's fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] play it loudly, and just thank him. thank you, thank you, thank you, david bowie. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] love him. guys, it is monday. we're so happy to be back. we have a big week of shows ahead. tomorrow night, kevin hart will be here. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's a funny human being. kevin hart.
joshua topolsky will be stopping by to show us the latest gadgets from c.e.s., the consumer electronics show, in las vegas. [ applause ] then on wednesday, we're gonna kick off a few weeks of performances from some of my favorite artists with colin hay from men at work, will be here. >> steve: whoa! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: later this month, we'll have stephen bishop, and of course, we've got him, the man himself, billy ocean is gonna join us this month. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] suddenly life has meaning to me there's beauty up above and things we never take notice of wake up suddenly you're in love [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: pretty great.
we have a great show tonight. he's currently the front-runner in the republican presidential campaign. donald trump is here, in the building tonight! >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: plus, this guy is so funny. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: from the new film "ride along 2" and his tv show "dr. ken" he was great last night on the golden globes. ken jeong is dropping by. >> steve: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ooh, and this is good music. making her late night television debut, we have music from cam is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: whoa! >> jimmy: guys, whenever i get some down time here at the show, i like to go on instagram and scroll through all the photos. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: yeah. and one thing i noticed is that a lot of times two people will write the exact same captions but the pictures they post will be completely different. i'll show you what i mean in this next segment. it's time for "picture this." [ cheers and applause ] picture this picture this picture this yeah
>> jimmy: let's take a look at the first example. it's from donald trump. >> steve: wow. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: and jeb bush. >> steve: really. >> jimmy: yeah. they both wrote, "after months of hard work and a lot of convincing, i'm finally close to getting their endorsement." let's see the pictures they posted. donald trump posted a picture of the united auto workers union. jeb bush posted a picture of the bush family. >> steve: wow. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: very interesting. you see what i'm saying? >> steve: yeah. same caption. >> jimmy: yeah, different. >> steve: two different pictures. >> jimmy: two different pictures. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: this next one here is from bernie sanders and joe biden. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: they both wrote, "we're only a month away." bernie sanders posted a picture of the iowa caucus. joe biden posted a picture of "fuller house." >> steve: wow. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: everyone is excited about "fuller house." >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: everyone's excited. >> steve: everybody. especially joe biden. >> jimmy: this next one here is from ricky gervais and c-3po. [ laughter ] >> steve: he has his own. yeah. >> jimmy: they both wrote, "check out these golden globes."
ricky gervais posted a picture of two golden globe trophies. >> steve: all right. >> jimmy: c-3p0 posted a a picture of himself after getting a boob job. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: he got a boob job? >> jimmy: all the robots are doing it. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: here's one -- if you don't understand this one i'll help explain. >> steve: cause i'm confused still. >> jimmy: no problem. this one from rand paul and chris christie. >> steve: yeah. okay. >> jimmy: they both wrote, "it's a great snack, but the problem is, you can never stop with just one. [ light laughter ] rand paul posted a picture of lay's potato chips. >> steve: okay. a picture of a pizza hut triple treat box. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you get all that for $19.99. >> steve: yeah. all that. $19.99. all of that. >> jimmy: that's a good snack. >> steve: yeah. just a snack. >> jimmy: it's a good snack. [ light laughter ] one of best snack out there. >> steve: you can get a snack for $19.99 you can't beat it with a stick. >> jimmy: here's one from meredith vieira and steve harvey. we love those guys. they both wrote, "had a great time in england over the holidays." meredith viera posted a picture of big ben. steve harvey posted a picture
>> steve: no, not again. >> jimmy: what? >> steve: that's not england. >> jimmy: this next caption. >> steve: what is this one? >> jimmy: this is from from carly fiorina -- >> steve: carly fiorina. >> jimmy: and martin o'malley. >> steve: and martin o'malley. >> jimmy: they both wrote, "it's embarrassing that i still have this up in my house. carly fiorina posted a picture of a christmas tree. martin o'malley posted a a picture of a martin o'malley for president sign. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> steve: wow. fantastic. >> jimmy: i didn't know. he's the one who posted it. >> steve: yeah. he's the one that put on -- on the insta. >> jimmy: here we have a a caption here from tom hanks and shaq. they both wrote, "lol, look what i found in my pocket!" [ laughter ] tom hanks posted a picture of a a canadian quarter. shaq posted a picture of a a volkswagen jetta. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: wow. a jetta was in his pocket. >> jimmy: it happens. it happens. >> steve: and tom hanks found a a canadian quarter. >> jimmy: "what do i got? let me see what i got here. it's a volkswagen jetta." [ laughter ] here's one from amazon and best buy. they both wrote, "take a look
amazon posted a picture of an automated delivery drone! best buy posted a picture of a a best buy employee. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: wow. excuse me? excuse me? do you know where tvs are? tvs? excuse me? excuse me? sir. >> jimmy: yeah? >> steve: excuse me, do you work here? >> jimmy: no, i'm going to space. i'm in nasa. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i was thinking about going to space. >> steve: give me something. a little more emotion. >> jimmy: he's saving, he's conserving his energy. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: this last one here is from the olive garden and chipotle. >> steve: oh, good. [ laughter ] oh, my. >> jimmy: hey. come on. wait, wait, wait. >> steve: come on. let him tell his joke. >> jimmy: wait, wait. >> steve: no, don't do that one. >> jimmy: no, no, no. wait, don't beat me to it. this is from -- [ light laughter ] >> steve: the olive garden and chipotle. >> jimmy: same caption, different photo. do you understand?
>> jimmy: yeah, here we go. they both wrote, "once you sit down, you'll never want to leave!" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: olive garden posted a a picture of a table. chipotle posted a picture of a a toilet. [ cheers and applause ] "picture this." we'll be right back with donald trump, everybody! come on. [ cheers and applause ] cheez-it grooves are the perfect union of a cheez-it and a chip. you mean like they got married? umm... i guess... you'd make a pretty bride in that wedding gown. oh, it's a lab coat so... hey everyone, joe's
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[ cheers and applause ] >>
jimmy: our first guest is currently the front-runner to become the republican presidential nominee. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back to "the tonight show" donald trump. [ cheers and applause ] what more can i say what more can i do what more can i say >> jimmy: hello. thank you, donald. welcome. >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: welcome, welcome back to the show. you must be really, really, really excited right now. because the powerball is at $1.3 billion.
i mean -- >> take a shot at it. >> jimmy: what would you do with all that money? oh, my gosh. >> i don't know. >> jimmy: yeah, who knows. >> all goes to the vets. do you like that idea? >> jimmy: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] of course. >> i think that's fair. >> jimmy: you've consistently been the front-runner in this campaign. congratulations on that. >> thank you. >> jimmy: do you know what the secret is? can you tell me what the secret is for being number one all this long? or you don't want to say anything yet? >> well i mean we can say we have a campaign that's really good. we travel, we work hard. we just got back from iowa, new hampshire, south carolina. and it's about making our country great. you know, it's a theme. it's a theme that we have, "make america great again." >> jimmy: yeah. >> and people, that's what people want. they want our country to be great again. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: of course. who wouldn't want that? >> been great. >> jimmy: i would say the one thing of value is that you're predictably unpredictable. >> that's good. >> jimmy: yeah. i don't know what you're going to do or say next. i don't think anyone does. and it's kind of exciting to watch the debates and everything. but you say things sometimes i
controversial. and you go -- [ light laughter ] i mean -- the muslim thing, it's not allowing any muslims into the united states. >> on a temporary basis. temporal -- look at the -- starting to clap. what? [ laughter ] one person. >> jimmy: one person. yeah. [ laughter ] so sorry about that. >> he was one conservative. >> jimmy: one conservative, yeah. but you probably knew that was going to get some controversy. >> i did, i did. but you know there's something happening. and we're talking about on a a short term basis, temporary. happening out there. there's hatred. you look at what's going on. look at paris and look at all of -- look what happened in los angeles just recently. i mean, look at the world trade center. people flying airplanes into the world trade center, into the pentagon. going on. we don't know in this country. we don't know. and we're not getting any help because other people know that these people are about to do something and they never get reported to our police. they never get reported. so we say we have to figure it out. whether it's that or illegal immigration, and i think it's
came out with a poll. 42% of the people, and these were 15, 16 people, 42% of the people are in favor of me because they want to have our country be safe again. and you can see, just look at germany, look what happened in germany with the tremendous crime that took place like overnight, the tremendous problems they had on new year's eve. and you know, i just want to see something different for our country. and i feel very strongly about it. and i guess a lot of people agree with me. >> jimmy: well, i mean, some people don't agree with you as well. but i mean -- >> well, true. that's true. >> jimmy: but are you -- you -- you -- it's both, but -- [ cheers and applause ] are you saying just to get the conversation going? 'cause -- >> no, it's getting the conversation going, absolutely. by the way, i have so many friends, muslim friends, great people, you too. and they're incredible people. and some of them, not all of them, i'll be honest, but some of them called this a -- don, you've done such a great service because we do have to find out what's going on. there's a tremendous hatred. it's a deep seated hatred. and they actually feel that it's something, you know it's
and because of what i have done, all over the world, they're starting to think. i mean you take a look at brussels and you look at some of these countries. it's -- what's going on is incredible. so a lot of people agree, and at a minimum, we're getting a a dialogue started so we can come up with a solution. >> jimmy: yeah, 'cause you said and everyone is like, "oh the this a -- and the numbers actually went up. >> the numbers went up, way up. >> i mean they went up by 11 points. brought us up into the 40s. and you know, when you have a a percentage of 42 or something like that, and you have 15 people or 14, you know, they're dropping out rapidly. the good news is now they're dropping out rapidly. but when you have 42, and you have 14, 15 people, that's a a big percentage. >> jimmy: yeah. and then you do something on the -- on the opposite extreme, i think. president obama came out and had that speech on gun control. and he cried. and a lot of conservative pundits said, oh, "that was theater. he wasn't really crying. that wasn't real." and you go, "no, that was real."
>> jimmy: you were one of the first people to say that. i go, that wasn't -- no one else is saying that. >> i thought it was real. i mean, i looked. i disagree with what he's doing. i disagree with many of the things he's done. but i thought it was heartfelt, i thought it was real. and, you know, it's a tough situation. we're in a tough situation, but we have to protect our second amendment. it's very important. >> jimmy: do you cry ever? >> yeah. [ laughter ] when i was one, i cried. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, but you're a a grandpa. aren't you a grandpa? >> i am. in fact -- >> jimmy: do you get emotional? >> my beautiful daughter. anybody ever hear of ivanka? >> jimmy: i love your daughter. please, tell us some more. >> she's going to have her third baby in two months. so we're very happy about that. i'm proud. and she's been terrific. and beautiful children. >> jimmy: let's talk about hillary clinton. how do you think she's doing? >> well, it's tough. i mean, i think she's having a a tough time. she's got some guy who's -- i mean, he should be easy to beat. i mean, how can you lose like this? he really isn't even a a democrat. [ laughter ]
and i think he might be a step beyond a socialist. and she's not doing well. she's about tied in iowa. she's losing new hampshire, which is sort of amazing. and i think she's got maybe a a race that's going to be a a little bit tougher. i think she'll win, i guess. but she's got the e-mail problem. she's got a big problem with the e-mails. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and we'll see what happens. who knows. it's the world of politics. you really never know. but she certainly has a race that's a lot different than people thought. >> jimmy: and you -- i thought i heard you say something, that bill campaigning for her -- bill clinton -- is not a smart idea. >> well i don't know. i mean, time will tell. she came out with a little bit of a statement about me, and i came out with a very big statement about her and bill. [ laughter ] and she's stopped talking about me all of a sudden. i don't know. >> jimmy: bill hasn't said anything. >> he has not said anything. >> jimmy: he's a charming guy. >> he is. he's a charming guy. >> jimmy: he can talk to you about a hamburger and make you cry. [ laughter ] i mean he says, "jimmy this hamburger is fantastic."
he knows how to speak. >> it's going to be interesting to see what happens. i think it's going to be one of the most interesting races. and they actually said if i win -- a poll came out -- if i win and she wins, it's going to be the largest voter turnout in the history of the country. and that's a good thing because people don't vote that much in this country so that would be an amazing thing if that happens. >> jimmy: there's a conspiracy theory, i don't know if you've heard this, that you were hired by the democratic party. [ laughter ] so that the clintons would win. >> well i mean, they like to set that -- >> jimmy: should we set the record straight? >> okay, well i'll tell you what. i'll set the record straight right now. the newest poll just came out today where i'm beating her easily and substantially and i'm winning against hillary one-on-one. so you know, look, and i haven't even started on her yet, although last week i did a a little bit. [ laughter ] i guess. but we haven't even started. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> don't forget, when i originally said i was running, everyone said, "no, he's not going to run. he's just doing it for fun." >> jimmy: yeah. >> so, it's turned out to be good. a lot of people were wrong.
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it's proven to save energy. and you could get a $100 rebate from your energy company. learn more at nest.com/rebates. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. i'm here with donald trump. donald, welcome back to our show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: let's talk about -- you have the iowa caucus. >> right. >> jimmy: and new hampshire, coming up. you just said you were just -- aren't those -- how important are those to -- ? >> to me, very important. i'm doing well in iowa. and the recent numbers, i'm leading in iowa now. and i have a great relationship with the people of iowa. and in new hampshire, i've been leading by a lot from the beginning, especially. i just got back from new hampshire. then we go to south carolina. we go to nevada. we go to the s.e.c. then we go down to florida. but the people are amazing. the people of this country are amazing. the spirit. [ cheers and applause ]
amazing. >> jimmy: they're really showing up. i mean, you're getting giant crowds. you're getting, like, stadiums. >> we're getting record crowds. we're getting 35,000 people. we're getting -- you know, other people have 59 or 103, and we'll come the next day and we'll have 10,500. it's crazy. but we're getting -- in mobile, alabama, we had 35,000 people. in dallas, we had 20,000 at the mavericks arena. i mean, oklahoma, we had 20,000 people. it's been amazing. >> jimmy: and you look forward to these things? like, the debates now, you have done how many, four, five? >> five. >> jimmy: so now -- i mean, you've done them, now. do you look forward to them? do you dread them? do you go, "i need to say something that's gonna get headlines"? >> that's an interesting question because i never debated before. i never really did this. i've been creating jobs and been doing business and things. and these guys are politicians. all talk, no action. believe me, folks. i know them better than anybody. [ cheers ] so i went to the first debate, and i did well. a lot of people said i won the debate. even the pundits and the polls and everything were saying i did well.
additional confidence. then it's been sort of -- we've have done really well. we won, i guess, most of the debates. so look, we have a good subject to talk about. i mean, i know what we really need, i think, in this country. and that sort of -- i think it goes into the debate. but the debates have been interesting. we have one on thursday night coming up, a big one. >> jimmy: that's right. >> and i hope to do well, but who knows. i mean, you never know, folks. you never know. >> jimmy: how do you prepare or you don't want to tell me? >> well, i've sort of have been preparing for, like, 30 years. it's hard to say -- it's awfully tough because they can ask you a million questions, so you can't sit down and prepare. i remember the last time, a a certain person that was running prepared, prepared, took a week off, went into a a log cabin, just locked himself in, and he was so loaded with information, he didn't know how to spew it out. so i think you have to lead your life and go in and do the best you can. and people understand. there is a lot of pressure, but i've enjoyed it. i've loved doing the debates. i look forward to it. >> jimmy: i know you know a lot about hiring the right people for the position. >> uh-oh.
>> this sounds like trouble. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, yeah. it's a good set-up. i was wondering if maybe we should do a mock job interview with you. >> okay. >> jimmy: i mean, you're running for the biggest job in the world, really, the most important job. [ cheers and applause ] >> sure. let's go. let's go. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: can i call you donald? >> you certainly can. >> jimmy: how did you hear about the position? [ laughter ] >> well, a lot of people in this big country were screaming, "what's going on?" and i said, "let's see if we can do something." >> jimmy: perfect. well, you want to tell me a a little about yourself? >> well, i'm an extraordinarily handsome person. [ laughter ] i have a beautiful head of hair. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i know. i noticed that, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> i was always a good student, and i always worked hard. >> jimmy: yeah. you really do. why do you want this job? >> because i want to make america great again.
that's the simplest answer. >> jimmy: what are your strengths? >> i think, believe it or not, bringing people together. i really can bring people together. a lot of people say it's the exact opposite, but i really unify. i bring people together. i get along with people. i have always gotten along with people. i'll get along with democrats, with republicans, with liberals, with conservatives. and that's what we need in this country. we have to bring it together because it's very divided. >> jimmy: what are your weaknesses? >> that i never forget. when -- you know, it's sort of interesting. i have said it. i'm too nice too long, and when i become -- like, somebody takes advantage of a situation, i become too bad for too long. so i think i maybe have to have a little bit of a shorter memory. it wouldn't be so bad. >> jimmy: interesting. are you willing to relocate? [ laughter ] >> i love the white house. >> jimmy: now, donald, this is
is media attention something you would be comfortable with? [ laughter ] i would be very, very uncomfortable with it. >> jimmy: very good. i appreciate that. >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: congratulations on everything. donald trump, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] good luck. >> thank you, everybody. >> jimmy: donald, thank you good luck. break. stick around, everybody. we'll be right back.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how does he do it? how does he do it? ladies and gentlemen, ken jeong. [ cheers ] thank you so much for being here, because i know you were just at the golden globes in l.a. >> yeah, that was so much fun. it was my first time ever being there. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah, it was really nice. >> jimmy: you looked like you were having a great time. >> i was having a great time. it was great. thank you. >> jimmy: i love your dance thank you for always doing something. >> no, thank you. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: before i compliment you any more, i want to compliment you on a couple things. one is -- i was in the hospital for a little bit.
ring avulsion. >> ring avulsion. dr. ken is in the house, all right? [ laughter ] so -- >> jimmy: well, you were a a doctor. >> yes, yes. i was a physician. i still am. >> jimmy: you still are a a doctor. >> yes. >> jimmy: this is no joke. ring avulsion? >> ring avulsion injury. yeah, that's not a "lord of the rings" movie. all right? [ laughter ] ring avulsion is not, like, a a deleted movie. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: blu-ray. >> not like a blu-ray tolkien thing. no. >> jimmy: i was in the icu at bellview for a while, and i watched this movie called "the duff," and you were in it, and you were fantastic. i watched it twice. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: i just thought it was a great movie. everybody was great acting in it. but you were fantastic in it, so i just want to get that out of the way and say thank you for making me feel better. >> thank you for being a friend of "the duff." it was such a great movie. [ cheers and applause ] mae wittman, who starred in it, was one of the best actresses around. it was an honor to be there. >> jimmy: you made me feel good watching the movie. >> thank you, man. i'm glad your finger is better. i'm glad all the blood vessels are healing up.
your finger, bitch. [ laughter ] you know? that's a medical term. "bitch" is a medical term. >> jimmy: i didn't know that. >> no, no, no, it's not a bad term. it's not -- >> jimmy: like if a a veterinarian made it. >> veterinarian. >> jimmy: yeah, veterinarian. >> veteran. >> jimmy: verteran. >> you're a comedy veteran icon. >> jimmy: geez louise. [ laughter ] >> oh, my god. geez louise. another medical term. >> jimmy: that is not true at all. i want to know how -- i watch "dr. ken." >> yeah. >> jimmy: and it's a great show. >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: here you are on the show. you're a doctor. you have two twin girls. >> yes. >> jimmy: you are a doctor. >> yep. >> jimmy: and have two twin girls. >> yes, alexa and, um, zoey. yup, that's right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they're twins. >> twins. they're twins. >> jimmy: do you have a a favorite? >> yeah, well, you know, alexa. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no. you can't say that. >> i can't say that. i can't say that. i did. i did. geez louise. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, you can't say, "geez louise" either. >> it's really funny. with alexa, she came up to me and said, "it's weird to have a a famous actor as a father." i'm like, "yeah, i know. it's a lot to live up to."
it's just, you know -- [ laughter ] "a famous one-note actor that beats that move to death all the time." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: come on, now. i did, by the way, love that you came out and did that with a total straight face. if you rewind on your tivo's, watch how funny that was. >> that's an episode of "dr. ken" coming up where i'm a a selfish dancer. when me and my wife go to weddings, my wife calls me a a selfish dancer. we did a whole episode of "dr. ken" about that. because -- >> jimmy: what does that mean? >> because whenever i go to -- whenever i'm dancing, i'm not a a good couples dancer. i'm, like, the guy -- this was back in the day when i wasn't in show business. i'm, like, the guy in the center of that, and, like, a a lot of us are just in the middle of that circle just doing, "go ken! go ken!" >> jimmy: really? you like that. >> and i have good intentions. i'll take my wife. i'll be like, "let's go dance to this." that girl is poison [ laughter ] you know, i'll just -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. you become that guy. >> i become that guy. >> jimmy: that's who you are. >> that's who i am. >> jimmy: that's why you're successful, and that's why we can tell. >> thank you for bringing up
the -- it's the best thing that ever happened to me. it's -- and "ride along 2," it's just one of those things that -- >> jimmy: no, it's you and kevin hart and ice cube. >> kevin hart, ice cube. you know, to me, with all due respect -- i don't want no trouble -- but with all due respect, what makes america great is diversity. and to me, i'm a by-product of that. [ cheers and applause ] and it's just -- i don't want no trouble. but for me -- i don't want no trouble, jimmy! >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> i don't want no trouble! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. nobody is saying that you want any trouble. >> but what makes america great is thati'm a part of "ride along 2" with olivia munn, ice cube, benjamin bratt, kevin hart. "dr. ken," my own show, two of the most diverse casts in film and tv, and that truly is what america is all about. that's truly what makes america great to me. and i not only say diversity is important, but i practice it. so, to me, i just -- thank you. [ cheers and applause ] that's what makes america great. >> jimmy: we're happy that you're doing all this. >> i'm just -- i'm just -- >> jimmy: you don't want any -- >> i'm just -- i don't want no trouble. >> jimmy: i know you don't want -- no, yeah. >> i'm just getting all these
the election goes the other way. i may be asked to leave the country. so i don't want to -- [ laughter ] and i was born in detroit. diversity dance. diversity dance diversity dance diversity dance [ cheers ] >> jimmy: all right. hey. all right. [ laughter ] diversity dance. >> that's the diversity dance. >> jimmy: that's diversity dance. [ laughter ] >> that was so good, it's going straight to audio. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how did you get involved with "ride along 2"? >> it was cube. cube asked me, ice cube. cube, i'm calling him cube. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you might be in trouble there. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. i'm straight out of a gated community. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> ice cube. ice cube actually, we became friends. he actually texted me out of the blue. i met him somewhere promoting "community," like, years ago. and he was like, "we got to do
and i was so, like, grateful that he -- i couldn't believe he recognized me. a few month later, he was like, "you want to be in 'ride along 2'"? i was like, "uh, yeah." and then the producer, will packer, and director, tim story, called a day later. ice cube got me the part. >> jimmy: tim story. oh, my gosh. >> tim story's the best. "barbershop." he is the coolest guy. he's the director of "ride along 2." and this movie coming out friday, it's the real deal. grateful to be a part of it. everyone laugh. hacker. >> yeah. computer hacker. >> jimmy: i want to show everyone a clip here. here's ken jeong and kevin hart annoying ice cube and olivia munn in "ride along 2." check this out. >> "star wars," the original trilogy, name them and rank them. let's go. >> episode 5, "the empire strikes back." epsiode 4, "a new hope." episode 6, "jedi." boom. >> "empire strikes back"? no. >> what? >> "return of the jedi." i don't know. >> jedi? oh, my god. those ewoks? >> the ewoks are what made "star wars"! >> they're so annoying. james. >> james. >> maya. >> maya. >> maya.
>> maya. >> if you could be a shark or eagle, which one would you be? >> shark. >> you'd have so many disadvantages to being a shark. if you're an eagle, you're flying. >> i thought would eagles would take this lady's babies away. >> no! biggie smalls, is he slightly overrated? >> he's no sir-mix-alot. >> what? >> maya. >> maya. >> maya. >> maya. >> james. >> james. >> james. >> shut up! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: best of olivia munn doing that. we love her. >> i love her. >> jimmy: ken jeong, everybody. "ride along 2" hits theaters friday. [ cheers and applause ] "dr. ken" airs friday nights at 8:30 on abc. we'll be right back with music from cam. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] hello, nice to meet you. melda. i'm john. we invited you here today to get your honest opinion about this new car. to keep things unbiased, we removed all the badging and logos. so, what do you think it is? i would say lexus. maybe acura. feels like a bmw. let's look at the interior. reminds me of the inside of my friend's lexus.
siri, open maps. nice. wow. she gets me. someone really took their time laying this out. yeah. this car also has teen driver technology. it even mutes the radio until the seatbelts are buckled. wow. my husband could use that. i'm very curious what it is. what price range would you put this car in? fifty to sixty-five. the eighty-thousand dollar bracket. well, what if i told you this is the 2016 chevy malibu? this is a malibu? yeah, let's go check it out. no way, it's a chevy! oh, wow. and it sells for? it starts at twenty-two five. \ gasp! what? oh wow. p i'm very impressed. yeah. i mean with all this technology? that's a game changer, really. i want one. i'll take the house, too. [ male announcer ] digiorno? or delivery? digiorno? or delivery? taste for yourself why the shortest distance between you and a delicious, fresh-baked pizza, is your oven. thankfully, it's not delivery.
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broke and make it right i've been sleepwalking too close to the fire but it's the only place that i can hold you tight in this burning house the flames are getting bigger now in this burning house i can hold on to you somehow in this burning house oh and i don't wanna wake up in this burning house and i've been sleepwalking been wandering all night trying to take what's lost and
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks again to donald trump, ken jeong, cam once again, ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. great job. and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody.