Skip to main content

tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  July 28, 2016 12:38am-1:39am EDT

12:38 am
one invite, boom, here, i made it on the show. >> jimmy: yeah. [ cheers ] >> that's how you host a show. >> jimmy: that's going to hurt his feelings. but i want to know because you have this amazing story, i think. it's fantastic. tell me about your mom and growing up in cambridge. >> well, thank you. we lived in what we called a a community house. so there were six families, but we bought this beat-up old house. >> jimmy: six families in one house. >> in a big six-family house, but we fixed the whole thing up together and did like community events together. it was like a commune, kind of. except in a city. >> jimmy: were you in a cult? no, no, no, you weren't in a a cult. >> definitely not. >> jimmy: your mom was a a professor. >> professor, yeah. >> jimmy: what did she teach? >> early childhood education. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: she was a teacher teacher. >> yeah.
12:39 am
family. [ cheers ] teachers are awesome. >> jimmy: who's your favorite teacher? >> i wouldn't be here -- i had great teachers my whole life. i mean, gerry speca who was my acting teacher and english teacher in high school you know, changed my life, changed ben's life, casey affleck, like all of us together. >> jimmy: is he still around? >> he taught us how to write. yeah, absolutely. he's still teaching. he's just a great guy. i mean, i could name 15 of my teachers. i remember all of them and grateful to all of them. >> jimmy: me, too i loved them. [ cheers and applause ] i think about them all the time. spent a lot of time with teachers. did your mom know that you were going to be an actor? did she believe and say, oh, yeah. >> she said she knew when i was two. >> jimmy: really? >> she studied children her whole life and she just said, i think i was bizarre how much i made up games to play >> jimmy: and characters. >> and characters and stuff. >> jimmy: no way, really? >> yeah. she said she knew when i was
12:40 am
me. >> jimmy: how about kids around the neighborhood? did they, you and ben? >> they just thought i was weird. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] 'cause you and ben got into acting. >> yeah. i think, it's weird. when we look back at it now, we were like 14 and 16 years old. and we were coming to new york to audition for things from boston. nobody in our family were in the business, and we were obsessed with it. and fed on each other's obsession. that's how we bonded in our adolescence. we've been friends for 35 years no we used to fly trump air to get to new york. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i remember trump air. >> when he bought eastern airlines. and it was like trump air. he redid the interiors of the plane. >> jimmy: thank donald trump for your career. >> yes, yes. thank you. i can also thank greyhound because we took the bus sometimes, too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i took greyhound. >> i love the greyhound bus. >> jimmy: my sister dropped a a grape on the greyhound bus and watched the grape go around
12:41 am
>> they didn't have ipads then. >> jimmy: no, nothing. you had to make do absolutely. so you guys did this. i've seen "good will hunting" probably a thousand times. i love it so much. congratulations. [ cheers ] i was watching that and now i watch "jason bourne." you can really throw a punch. were you a fighter as a kid? >> not really, no. i got in one fight and hurt the other kid and i felt so my mother, you know, instantly took me to his house, you know, where his mother brought him out and we tearfully apologized. [ laughter ] that was my mothers way. that is not the way you solve your problems. >> jimmy: that's fantastic. i have a similar story. do you remember the kid's name? >> michael borstein. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: shawn quinlin who i'm friends with now was my first fight. we scheduled what time to meet each other to fight.
12:42 am
he played soccer. i'll fight you on saturday. can't i'm working saturday. [ laughter ] sunday. no i can't. we're looking at our schedules. we punched each other. it was really silly. i remember i ripped his chain off as wrestling and helped him find his chain after we fought. [ laughter ] looking on the grass, oh here it is. i found it man. >> we can punch each other but destruction of property is way out of the thing. >> jimmy: congrats being on the cover of "gq." [ cheers ] >> thanks. >> jimmy: it's a great article as well. there are a lot of great stories about you here. there is one i like. you meeting prince. you talking to prince. because prince is a magical dude, legend. where did you meet him and how? >> i met him in london. we went to a show. we actually ruined my -- my oldest just turned 18. which is horrifying. >> jimmy: unbelievable. >> it's incredible. >> jimmy: how's that? >> i know, it was just like that. but she would have been about
12:43 am
concert. we ended up, the people with prince put us literally next to the stage. we could reach up and touch prince. i turned to my wife and i said, we completely ruined this child. she is going to get to college and he's going to be like i have concert tickets and she'll be like, when do we meet prince? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: please, i saw the best concert right up close. >> we got to go back to talk to him afterwards. he was just amazing. and he said the most awesome prince thing ever which was, i was just chatting with him. and i asked him, you still live in minnesota, don't you? we were in europe at the time, we were in london. he turns and looks me right in the eye and goes, i live inside my own heart, matt damon. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i live inside my own heart, matt damon. >> that's exactly what you want prince to say. >> and it's true, too. >> jimmy: you don't want him to
12:44 am
you should come by and watch football. >> we're right outside the twin cities. i live in my own heart, matt damon. >> jimmy: that is the greatest. the director, paul greengrass? this guy must must be brilliant. he's a genius. >> he's great. >> jimmy: he wrote the movie with this editor? >> chris, yeah, the editor. so chirs had edited all four films that i've been a part of. so they just decided to get together and write it. they took about a year to write it. >> jimmy: i think that's brilliant. because then the editor knows what scene. he goes, oh, this is going to wo ever made one of these. >> jimmy: it moves. you go 90 miles per hour the whole film. it doesn't stop, doesn't slow down. it is fantastic. >> thanks. we wanted it to be kind of a a piece with the other three that we made so that you really feel like it's just the next chapter. >> jimmy: is there anything we should say about this one that anyone needs to know? or is it better not to know anything? >> if you like the other ones we did, hopefully you'll like this one, too unless we really messed it up. >> jimmy: no, you did not. >> but i don't think we did. >> jimmy: i don't' think you
12:45 am
and everyone is good in it. >> we have alicia vikander joined our cast which was amazing. [ cheers ] she's awesome, and vincent cassel who's incredible. >> jimmy: and a good villan. >> and then we got tommy lee jones. [ cheers ] >> which was good. >> jimmy: how cool is that guy? >> he's the best. you know, tommy lee gave me a a job 20 something years ago. the first thing that he ever directed was this little cable tv movie. and tommy lee gave me a job and i was out of money and ben and casey and i were living toer that paid me $20,000. i'll never forget. i got to work with him all summer long. i got this money. and that was the money that allowed ben and i not to have to go get other jobs so we could stay at home and write "good will hunting." [ cheers and applause ] [ talking over each other ] i'll never forget him for that. he doesn't know that, i don't think. well now he does. >> jimmy: i love that dude. i want to show everyone a clip. here is matt damon and julia stiles having a night out in "jason bourne" in theaters
12:46 am
[ yelling ] >> parsons is at the statue of athena. >> copy that. [ yelling ] [ honking ] >> jimmy: yeah! [ cheers ] "jason bourne." oh, that was a good one. guys, stick around. matt damon and i are playing
12:47 am
? well she loves to say, "well, fantastic!" a lot. i do say that, you see... i study psychobiology. i'm a fine arts major. nobody really believes that i take notes this way, but they actually make sense to me. i try to balance my studying with the typical college experience. being able to pull up different articles to different parts of the screen is so convenient. i used to be a mac user but this is way better. officials are reporting, this new doritos mix is responsible for the worldwide bold outbreak. woo hoo! over you to you tom! things have gone totally around the bend. has the world gone completely bold? new doritos mix. four snacks in one.
12:48 am
r. i sold everything i had to own a brewery. you might have heard its name... stella artois be legacy at the the lincoln summer invitation sales event, it's time to relax. from the moment you take your foot off the brake, the brake stays engaged and you stay put. taking the legwork out of stop and go traffic. and even hills. this is the lincoln summer invitation, hurry in now to your dealer for limited time offers. lease a lincoln mkx for $349 a month or get 0% apr for 60 months and just announced $1,000 summer invitation bonus. t-mobile never stops improving. and we doubled our lte coverage. that's right! our coverage stacks up with anybody, including verizon and at&t. and only t-mobile gives you more than just great coverage.
12:49 am
so ditch the other guys. and get great coverage and more with t-mobile. we got you covered. and we won't stop! when josh atkins books at laquinta.com. he gets a ready for you alert the second his room is ready. so you know what he gives? i'll give you everything i've got and then some. he gives a hundred and ten percent! i'm confident this 10% can boost your market share. feel me lois? i'm feeling you. boom! look at that pie chart. the ready for you alert, only at laquinta.com. innovative sonicare technology with up to 27% more brush movements versus oral b. get healthier gums in 2 weeks guaranteed. innovation and you. philips sonicare. save when you buy the most loved
tv-commercial
12:50 am
laura v.o.: mom taught us that families comes first. laura: hey, mon. laura's mom: hi. laura v.o.: so when she needs a little help... i am happy to give it. medicare is a big help too. so when i heard that kelly ayotte voted to turn medicare into a voucher program, costing us thousands, i couldn't believe it. all while giving tax breaks to millionaires and big oil. kelly ayotte would rather take care of special interests than new hampshire families. narrator: afscme people is responsible
12:51 am
? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back! we are here with matt damon. [ cheers and applause ] you can see him along side alicia vikander tommy lee jones in the summer block buster "jason bourne." it's everywhere this friday. go check it out you guys. [ cheers and applause ] matt and i are about to face off in a game "box of lies." here's how it works. i'm going to lose, really. upstage are a bunch of boxes containing objects neither of us has ever seen before. taking turns matt and i are going to select a box and open it on our side of the table out of view of the other person. you remove the object from the
12:52 am
look at your opponent and tell them what's in your box. [ light laughter ] you may be lying, you may be telling the truth. your opponent has to guess either lie or truth. you guess correctly you get a a point. you guess worng the other person gets a point. first to two points wins. matt, you're our guest, why don't you pick the first box? >> thank you, jimmy. [ cheers ] >> okay. oh god. >> jimmy: oh, please. >> it's just so heavy. i always wanted to go on "the price is right" by the way. and i just love that they get to call out which one i pick. >> jimmy: we make dreams come true here. >> okay. >> jimmy: here we go man. >> opening the box.
12:53 am
okay. [ laughter ] it's a slinky with some kind of phallic symbol on it. it's actually a nose on a a slinky. >> jimmy: it's a nose on the slinky. >> so i guess they're trying to say it's a pinocchio slinky. it's a lying slinky. i've got a lying slinky. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're saying there's a nose on a slinky. i'm saying a lying slinky. >> i'm sure sure it was a nose at first but no, it's a nose on a slinky. >> jimmy: you're making this up. i have no idea. gosh. i'm going to say, you lie! >> it's a bonsai tree full of gnomes. [ laughter ] [ cheers ]
12:54 am
number, which one? [ cheers ] this is so light. i don't know if there is anything it in it. it might be feathers. oh, intersting. >> it's bowling ball. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: everyday thing. people have it in their house, their office. you can put it on your desk. it's a paperweight of sorts. if you want, you can use it as that. it is a hot tub with luke skywalker, looks like
12:55 am
donald trump. [ light laughter ] could be justin bieber. could be justin bieber. justin bieber, donald trump, and hillary clinton in a hot tub. >> so it's a miniature hot tub. >> jimmy: it's porcelain with decent purchase. it's something you get in like tv guide. you can order it in tv guide. it's like from the franklin mint. >> and in this hot tub sits three figurines, one of donald trump, one of hillary clinton and one either justin bieber or luke skywalker. we'rt >> jimmy: the one in the middle could easily be the actor mark hamill, the actor mark hamill. or maybe not in character. >> young mark hamill? >> jimmy: it's a shirtless mark hamill [ laughter ] hairless. >> shirtless and hairless. >> jimmy: which was my first movie by the way, no one's ever seen it. [ laughter ] i think i was an extra in that one. >> yeah. all right. you're telling the truth.
12:56 am
do with that. that was a great lie, right? >> that was excellent. >> jimmy: that was a great lie, right? >> i figured your producers might put donald trump, hillary clinton and justin bieber in a bathtub. >> jimmy: yes, exactly that's what i thought too. >> jimmy: that it's game. i won! oh, my god. [ cheers ] ? >> jimmy: well played, sir, well played. the master, the master actor. our thanks to the one and only matt damon. don't miss "jason bourne" in theatres this friday. david feherty joins us after
12:57 am
? ?la charrue passe dans le ciel? ? ?et je descends lentement? now you can't spell nutrition without nut, am i right? i mean whose to say it's pronounced nu-triton, anyway? ially blended for your optimal nut-rition. that's right, i just changed a word in the english dictionary, forever. planters. nutrition starts with nut. i know, i know. just keep breathing, honey. [doctor] give meone big push, c'mon. it looks good, babe, it looks good. ohhhhhweee! woah! [mom] he's beautiful.
12:58 am
put some flavor in your break. make time for snapple. when i crave a smoke that's all i crave. that's where this comes in. patented dual-coated technology for great taste. plus nicorette gum gives you intense craving relief. and that helps put my craving in its place. that's why i only choose nicorette. ? ?
12:59 am
1:00 am
it's the celebration of the year! blinds to go's annual storewide sale going on now! buy one, get one at half price. hundreds of styles and colors. every item through the store. buy one get one at half price. our biggest sale of the year is a blast! blinds to go. blinds for life. celebrate something really special this summer at blinds to go's annual storewide sale going on now. buy one, get one at half price. hundreds of styles and colors. every item through the store. buy one get one at half price. that's something to celebrate!
1:01 am
? >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody! guys, our next guest is a plays professional golf for over 20 years and is one of the best commentator's in the game. he hosts his own golf channel show "feherty." where he interviews anyone from pro golfers to ex-presidents and starting next friday you can see him as a correspondent for the 2016 olympic games in
1:02 am
nbc. please welcome to the show, david feherty! ? [ cheers and applause ] this is what i'm talking about. i'm so happy you're on the show. this is great. i'm a big fan. >> i love people with low standards. >> jimmy: that's right, i do. i i like you. i think we would get along because i think something's a a little loose up there. yeah. >> i'll take that as a a compliment. >> jimmy: yeah it is, no, no. because i love you, you're funny. i don't know if people know this, but you were a fantastic golfer. i mean you were ryder cup. you almost won the british open at one point? >> well, no. i was never going to be one of those top echelon players because i didn't want to be in that place. that, you know, you have to go to a place where you know you're going to be uncomfortable, if you are going to be successful, no matter
1:03 am
especially if you're a comic. yeah, especially if you're a a comic. is this going to work or not. for me, i knew it wasn't going to work. i could play at a certain level. but when i got the opportunity to get into tv, then that was more my comfort level. >> jimmy: i'm so happy you did, i think you're my favorite commentator in the sport of golf. i love hearing your voice. even in the video games. >> and in the video game all i do is give you crap. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. i love it. i take it. i go, ah, that's cool. i learn fr y >> you know, with the olympics coming up, i'm just hoping they don't drug test announcers. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that would be a a disaster. >> oh, total. for me. if they find a performance-enhancing substance for golf, do you know how pissed off i would be? i spent 20 years of my life looking for it. [ laughter ] and it doesn't -- there isn't one. >> jimmy: no there is, no. >> there isn't one. no, steroids they give you
1:04 am
temper. that's not gonna help you play golf. >> jimmy: it's not good for golf, no. >> no, amphetamines make you more nervous. uh, human growth hormone, you can hit it farther into the woods. but the one that i love is deer antlers. that's a performance-enhancing. >> jimmy: is it really? >> it is, yeah. >> jimmy: deer antlers. >> deer antlers. there's some substance in deer antlers. i think they are worried that, you know, one of the players is going to start head butting another one. >> jimmy: i've seen that. and it's awful. >> second week in november. >> jimmy: you don't want to see that happen. it ruins the sport. i think besides me, you're the most accident-prone talk show host out there. times? >> three times, yes. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you gotta walk me through at least one of them, um, please. what is -- how? how? >> well, i was riding from an aa meeting. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that explains one of them. yeah. >> yeah. back to my house and i got hit. fortunately, it wasn't a beer truck, which that would have been too ironic, even for me. [ light laughter ] but i got crushed all the way
1:05 am
this arm is mangled. i can't close my left hand. these two fingers don't work. they've got no ulnar nerve. the middle one works perfectly. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you for aiming it my way. i appreciate that. >> i can still communicate with other motorists. [ light laughter ] it took me about eight months to recover from that one, and then i got back on the bike, for the second time, back on the bike was in dearborn, michigan. and i woke up in a hospital wearing a turban. [ laughter ] i've got no recollection of what happeth then three or four years ago i went through a windshield here in new york. and i thought, hmm, you know what? >> jimmy: i'm not going to ride a bike anymore. >> yeah, maybe not. >> jimmy: that's the end of that. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i love the looseness and the fun of your show. uh, i watch it all the time. you interview everyone from jordan spieth to george w. bush, which was a a fantastic interview. >> isn't he wonderful? >> jimmy: he was so charming and funny. and we talk about his paintings. and i go, i want to know about that stuff. is he a good golfer? >> uh, no, he's not a bad
1:06 am
good player. i'd say you know, probably 12 handicap, something like that. >> jimmy: do you get nervous when you interview the president? cause you interviewed bill clinton, as well. >> yes, i do. it's always -- i get nervous -- i'm nervous right now. >> jimmy: are you, really? >> yeah. i soiled myself briefly behind stage. >> jimmy: i was wondering what that was. >> you get that out of the way. no, i think if you're not nervous, >> jimmy: well, i noticed you were sitting taller than you normally would be. >> i think if you're not paying attention. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. but i mean, you've had donald trump. how was he as an interviewee? >> he was phenomenal. there is something about the donald -- he is the donald. >> jimmy: he's not a character. that's him. >> yeah. >> jimmy: he's been on the show numerous times. and i go, no you don't understand. >> that's who he is. >> jimmy: that's actually who he is. >> yeah, i mean, if you ask him if that's, yes, yes that's who i am. and i will be the same person tomorrow, possibly worse. [ light laughter ] and you gotta love him for that.
1:07 am
>> jimmy: yeah, are you going to interview hillary clinton? >> you know i interviewed her husband and he told me everything about her. so -- [ laughter ] [ cheers ] >> jimmy: okay. how about tiger woods? have you ever interviewed him? >> i'm hoping tiger will be on the show next year, the start of next year. i'm not sure. >> jimmy: the source i read, it almost seems like it's the end >> uh, he is badly hurt. it's not a muscular or skeletal thing. it's nerve damage. and i don't know if he'll be able to come back. i sure hope so. we miss him out there, the impact that he had in the game and how much fun it was to watch him during that period, where he was just like watching a creature from a different planet. >> jimmy: i really wish i got to see him do that. uh, you have a big announcement that's kind of a cool thing you are doing for the olympics. you're going to be interviewing president obama. >> yes. >> jimmy: that's fantastic.
1:08 am
it is. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what -- how did he choose you out of anyone to do the --? [ light laughter ] no, i like that he did. >> no, it's a very, very logical question. >> jimmy: no, that's not what i meant. >> i have absolutely no idea. i mean, he loves to play golf. and i guess, you know, that he watches the show. and actually, i don't know the answer to the question. i have no idea why. >> jimmy: do you know when you're going to do it? >> it will be, i want to say, next wednesday, it's about the 3rd. and then it will be part of the opening ceremony, that will be broadcast. >> jimmy: that's fantastic. that's so good. >> it really is. it's a great honor. >> jimmy: well, i'm psyched to have you. i want to show everyone a clip of you. here is the clip. here is david feherty interviewing presidential nominee donald trump. his show "feherty" airs mondays at 9:00p.m. on the golf channel. check this out. >> you know the first time that i spoke to you i asked you if it bothered you that people felt that you were an [ bleep ]? there are a lot of people that think that you're a world class [ bleep ][ bleep ]. >> it's true. >> yeah.
1:09 am
polls, there are significant numbers of people who might still think, you know, that you're a bit of an a-hole. but does it bother you? i mean, are you less [ bleep ] than you were before? >> well i think i'm doing well. i did very well in the polls in the primaries. i led from beginning to end. and i'm doing well now. i haven't spent any money yet. >> well i mean, i think that -- >> the problem is if you've got 50%, you're doing well. that means 50% of the people don't like you. >> well, when you consider the [ bleep ] that a president has to deal with, isn't it prerequisite that he needs to be a bit that way himself? >> mbe in which case perhaps i'll do very well. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: unbelievable. our thanks to david feherty, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] all new episode of "feherty" airs monday at 9:00p.m. on the golf channel. be sure to check him out, at the 2016 olympic games beginning next friday here on nbc. we'll be right back with a a performance from sturgill simpson. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ]
1:10 am
if you have moderate and you're talking to your doctor about your medication... this is humira. this is humira helping to relieve my pain and protect my joints from further damage. this is humira helping me go further. humira works for many adults. it targets and helps to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to ra symptoms. doctors have been prescribing humira for over 13 years. to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection.
1:11 am
this is humira at work. get to kohl's... for our best friends & family event! thursday through sunday take an extra 20% off any way you pay! plus, yes2you rewards members earn triple points. plus, everyone gets kohl's cash too. nothing but the best savings. now that's the good stuff. kohl's. ? the ford freedom sales event is on! with our best offers of the year! ? i'm free to do what i want...? and 0% financing is back!
1:12 am
on specially tagged vehicles. that's freedom from interest... and freedom to choose with ford. america's best selling brand. ? i'm free, baby! ? now get 0% financing plus a $1000 smart bonus cash on specially tagged vehicles. only at the ford freedom sales event. ? feel free...? at the beginning of the 21st century, the earth needed to find a new way to keep up with the data from over 30 billion connected devices. just 30 billion? a bold group of researchers had a breakthrough they called... the machine. it changed computing forever. and it's been part of every new technology for the last 250 years. everything? everything! this year, hewlett packard enterprise will preview the machine and accelerate the future. see star trek beyond. ? one coat, yes! ?
1:13 am
come find our top rated paints, only at the home depot. i am sebastian artois. brewmaster. risktaker. i sold everything i had to own a brewery. you might have heard its name...
1:14 am
?
1:15 am
guys. he's so good. our next guest is in the midst of a world tour on behalf of his critically acclaimed number one album "a sailor's guide to earth." performing "all around you," please welcome sturgill simpson! [ cheers and applause ] ? ? there will be days when the sun won't shine ? ? when it seems like the whole world is against you ? ? don't be afraid when life is unkind
1:16 am
if you choose to ? ? when time slips away and skies fall apart revealing to all a universal heart ? ? glowing flowing all around you ? ? there will be nights that go on forever like you're alone lost at sea
1:17 am
in your heart that we're always together ? ? and long after i'm gone i'll still be around because our bond is eternal and so is love ? ? god is inside you all around and up above knowing showing you the way ? ?
1:18 am
? time slips away and skies fall apart revealing to all a universal heart ? ? glowing flowing all around you ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: sturgill simpson! "a sailor's guide to earth" is available now. we'll be right back, everybody!
1:19 am
1:20 am
1:21 am
1:22 am
?
1:23 am
>> jimmy: my thanks to matt damon, david feherty, sturgill simpson once again! [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there from philadelphia pennsylvania ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. thank you very much. bye, guys! [ cheers and applause ] ?
1:24 am
[ cheers and applause ] ? >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- amy sedaris, from "star trek beyond," john cho, music from bleached, featuring the 8g band with matt cameron. ? [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good. that is good to hear. let's get to the news. hillary clinton last night officially became the democratic nominee for president, and i think it shows how far we've
1:25 am
spray tanned mentally ill business failure. [ laughter ] [ applause ] donald trump this morning called russia's alleged hacking of democratic e-mail servers an act of total disrespect toward our country. and then he winked so hard the back of his wig unsnapped. [ laughter ] donald trump this afternoon called on russia to hack into hillary clinton's e- mail account to find the 30,000 messages she deleted from her time as secretary of state. donald, i think you misunderstood something. your party wants you to appeal to the red states, not the red state. [ laughter ] bill clinton -- [ cheers and applause ] bill clinton, last night, at the democratic convention, opened his speech with the line, "in the spring of 1971, i met a girl." and the whole audience immediately thought, "oh, god, i hope he's talking about hillary." [ laughter and applause ]
1:26 am
please. now is not the time. [ laughter ] bill clinton gave a speech last night about his relationship with hillary clinton, and told the audience that it took him three tries before hillary agreed to marry him. so two less tries than it took hillary to get on the subway. [ laughter ] she's just not great at getting on the subway, that's all. following michelle obama's convention on monday, donald trump told interviewers that he liked her speech. said trump, "it's gonna sound even better in a slovenian accent." [ laughter ] [ as trump ] "we're saving it. [ applause ] there are parts of it that we're gonna save." during a recent trip to paris for her world tour, beyonce reportedly stayed in a hotel suite that cost $19,000 a night. and that didn't even include the pull out cot for jay z.
1:27 am
a number of athletes are complaining there are no pok?mon go characters to catch in the olympic village at rio's summer games, which is surprising because that place is just crawling with zikachus. [ laughter and applause ] yeah. you maybe don't gotta catch them? though, frankly, if you're in the olympic village and you're upset there aren't any pok?mon to catch, something tells me you're not bringing home the gold. officials at the rio olympics are saying that sewage seeping into the sailing and swimming venues has gotten so bad that it has spawned drug resisted super bacteria, which is really unfair to all the regular bacteria who have worked so hard to get there. [ laughter ] an indiana rapper recently shot himself in the mouth while filming a music video, and then claimed on facebook that he swallowed the bullet.
1:28 am
an indiana rapper? [ laughter ] since when? and finally, former congressman anthony weiner has started threatening to enter the new york's mayoral race if donald trump, jr. decides to run. "good," said every comedian in the world. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we've got a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] she is one of our favorites. netflix's "bojack horseman," amy sedaris joins us back on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he is in the new film "star trek beyond," my very old friend, the wonderful john cho is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] and we have music for you tonight from a great los angeles punk band, bleached. they're fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] you're gonna enjoy that. tomorrow night, very excited. we did it last thursday for the republican convention. we're doing it tomorrow for the democratic convention.
1:29 am
up with that. our guests are going to be colin jost and michael che, "weekend update" anchors, and they have both been in cleveland and philadelphia covering those conventions, so i'm looking forward to talking to them. so anyways, we're gonna be on after "the tonight show," but we are going to be live and we are looking forward to it, so please tune in. now, moving on, hillary clinton, as we mentioned, was officially nominated to be the democratic candidate for president yesterday, as protests from bernie sanders diehards continued outside. and donald trump still managed to find his way into the news by saying some wildly dangerous things about russia. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ? [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: as bernie himself helped nominate hillary inside the convention hall, outside protests by some of his supporters continued, with hundreds marching in protest at the dnc as they've done all week. including one protest in which bernie supporters carried a 51-foot joint through the streets of philadelphia. [ light laughter ] incidentally, if you're a bernie
1:30 am
voting for trump over hillary is a good idea. [ cheers and applause ] also -- [ applause ] also everyone knows if you have that much weed you don't roll a joint, you make brownies. [ laughter ] but bernie, who has repeatedly reiterated his support for hillary, has tried to tamp down the protests from his supporters. >> bernie sanders himself has sent e-mails and text messages to supporters to try to calm them down. >> bernie sanders sent a text message directly to his own supporters. courtesy to me to not engage in any kind of protest on the floor. it's of utmost importance you explain this to your delegation. signed, bernie." >> seth: that's how badly bernie wants party unity. he's texting. [ light laughter ] and that's not easy to do on a rotary phone. [ laughter ] so you know, you know it's serious. remember, this is a man who keeps all of his speeches on paper, and even then he has some trouble, as was the case on monday when he dropped his papers into the seats below him
1:31 am
[ laughter ] he looks like an over worked public defender from an old episode "law and order." [ as bernie ] "don't say another word, jamal! and shame on you detectives for speaking to my client without counsel present!" [ light laughter ] now, donald trump, of course, has tried to capitalize on the apparent division within the democratic party, tweeting, "sad to watch, bernie sanders abandon his revolution. we welcome all voters who want to fix our rigged system and bring back our jobs." first of all, donald trump thinking he'll get bernie thinking they'll get a bunch of new viewers now that "downton abbey" is off the air. [ light laughter ] they're different shows, dude. also, the same night he tweeted that, trump mocked a bernie supporter interrupting one of his rallies. >> that's okay, don't worry about it. that's the bernie people. that's the dying remnant of a bernie person. that's the last of them. that's the last. no, we're gonna get bernie people coming here. we're gonna get bernie people coming here.
1:32 am
[ as trump ] >> seth: "we're gonna win bernie supporters. now forcibly remove that bernie supporter from my rally. [ light laughter ] that's the last of them. there's none left. and they're voting for me." [ laughter ] at the democratic convention monday belonged to the newer faces of the democratic party, from cory booker to elizabeth warren, whereas last night was the greatest hits album with a track from 2004 you may all remember called howard dean. dean harkened back to the presidential campaign. >> this race is going to be won on the ground. and it's going to be won in colorado, and in iowa, and north carolina, and michigan, and florida, and pennsylvania, and then we're going to the white house! [ cheers ] [ laughter ] >> seth: that was fantastic. but you know what, he didn't give us the actual scream. you remember, this one. [ dean scream ] [ laughter ]
1:33 am
crazy on tv was a liability? instead of, you know, a platform. [ laughter ] every time howard dean watches trump speak, he must think, "i yelled one time. [ laughter ] i yelled one time and everybody thought i was crazy?" [ laughter ] although maybe howard dean didn't give us the scream last night because he was just saving it for meryl streep. [ streep scream ] [ laughter ] >> seth: ooh! look for meryl starring in "the howard dean story." [ laughter and applause ] there is no part she cannot play. of course the biggest speaker of the night was bill clinton, who sought to humanize hillary. and for anyone who thought bill would give a short speech, don't worry, he mentioned all the years. >> 1971.
1:34 am
1975. 1979. [ cheers ] 1980. 1982. 1983. 1995. 1997. 1999. [ cheers ] 2003. 2008. 2016. [ cheers ] [ laughter ] >> seth: you know, it is really nice and sweet that bill and hillary have known each other so long, but as it dragged on, you saw the benefits of a speech from recent spouse. "donald and i are still getting to know one another, so i'm going to keep this relatively brief." but the big moment came at the end whil followed a performance by alicia keys and appeared on the giant screen via satellite. although, while the music continued to play as she talked, panic swept through the hall, as many thought she might be attempting to bust some rhymes. ? >> hello, philadelphia. [ laughter ] ? i am so happy. it's been a great day and night. what an incredible honor that you have given me. >> seth: no one wants to hear hillary clinton rap. if she rapped, she would make
1:35 am
[ laughter ] because you 100% know she would start, "my name is hillary, and i'm here to say." [ laughter ] so, of course, the biggest question hanging over the dnc has been "what has donald trump been doing while the democrats hold their convention?" well, he's been keeping it low key. just relaxing, catching up on some sleep, and of course, asking russia to hack hillary's private e-mail server. >> russia, if you're listening, i hope you're able to find the 30,000 e-mails that are missing. i think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press. >> seth: not sure why trump would openly ask russia to spy on americans, but i'm sure he has his treasons. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] now, there's even been some speculation that trump might actively be colluding with russia, but the only thing that makes me think he isn't a secret russian spy is how obvious he is about it.
1:36 am
a job at a bank who says, "you have a lot of money, and i want to steal it. and it would just be easier if i worked here." [ laughter ] seriously, just when you think this election can't get any crazier, trump goes onstage and tells russia to illegally hack into his opponent's e-mail server. you know what bernie supporters, i think you guys were right all along. bring that thing over here. there you go. [ laughter ] this has been "a closer look." ? [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with more "late night," everybody. [ cheers and applause ]
1:37 am
? one coat, yes! ? there is a day, for every number. ? ? there is a time, for all my slumbers. ?
1:38 am
eed marquee interior. behr's most advanced paint. come find our top rated paints, only at the home depot. so beautiful, so mesmerizing, the world's widest curved all-in-one. the new hp envy desktop. mommy, the cookies! they're ruined. the new hp envy curved all in one. . what makes a lipton meal? first you start with this. these guys. a place like shhh! no. found it!

74 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on