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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  September 2, 2016 11:35pm-12:39am EDT

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and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 526! yeah! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness! [ cheers and applause ] that is a hot crowd! that is a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful new york city crowd. welcome, everybody! welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome! welcome to "the tonight show." this is it. you made it. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. we got a fun show.
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with the election getting closer, it seems like more groups are speaking out to share their support for the candidates. in fact, i read that the actors' equity association just announced that it's endorsing hillary clinton. hillary said she has a lot of respect for actors because she has been auditioning for the same role for 25 years. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: hey! >> jimmy: and this is kind of sweet. i saw that paul mccartney and jon bon jovi sang "hey jude" at hillary clinton's fundraiser this week while she danced with bill. [ laughter ] excited to dance to the song until they realized that "hey jude" is over seven minutes long. [ laughter and applause ] "i got to sit down. i got to -- this is crazy." [ laughter ] meanwhile, there was some confusion this week over whether donald trump discussed who would pay for his proposed border wall when he met with the president of mexico. trump said it didn't come up, while mexico's president said that he flat out rejected it. well, listen to what trump said about it in his speech the
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>> mexico will pay for the wall. [ cheers and applause ] they don't know it yet, but they're going to pay for the wall. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: so if you see any mexicans, remember, no spoilers. [ laughter and applause ] all right? because -- don't ruin it. [ applause ] don't ruin it for them. "they don't know it." [ laughter ] he's just screaming now. the audio is all screwed up. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: he doesn't even do a a mic check -- "they're going to pay the wall!" >> steve: "wall!" [ laughter ] former texas governor nd current "dancing with the stars" contestant rick perry recently said that -- [ laughter ] that's not even a joke. it's not even a joke. [ laughter ] that's real life, yeah. former texas governor and current "dancing with the stars" contestant rick perry recently said donald trump's wall will actually be part electronic. [ audience oohs ] well, that got us wondering if an electronic wall would even work, so we set up an invisible electric wall in our hallway and decided to test it out.
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one of our writers, patrick borelli. patrick, are you there? >> thanks, jimmy. somewhere in front of me, there's an electric wall set up that has over 6,000 volts. [ yelling ] >> jimmy: oh, my god! patrick. patrick, patrick, are you okay? >> oh, god. i mean, i've felt better. oh, i dropped my microphone over there. let me get it. >> jimmy: no, be care -- >> oh! >> jimmy: oh, patrick. >> oh! > jimmy: oh my goodness! patrick. >> feel a little woozy. >> jimmy: pat -- patrick! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: patrick, are you okay? please tell me you're okay. >> looks like the wall works, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, good. there you go. >> back to you at the show. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. [ applause ] but trump's got other problems to worry about. it turns out his modeling agency, "trump model management" -- [ laughter ] again these aren't even the jokes. this is real. [ laughter ] >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: these are -- this, this real talk. #realtalk man. [ laughter ] >> steve: #realtalk. >> jimmy: yeah.
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say the agency charged them extremely high rent while they barely made any money. in fact, one model was so desperate for money she ended up marrying trump. >> steve: really? [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: hey-oh! ho! >> jimmy: and politico reports that in 2008, donald trump ventured into a mixed martial arts business that blended boxing, wrestling and karate. you can tell he's pretty into prize fighting. in fact, he's been trying to give the upcoming election a a catchy nickname like "the thrilla ini "rumble in the jungle." [ laughter ] let me give you a few examples. first up there's "the hair versus the square." [ laughter ] next we have "the tan brute versus the pants and -- [ laughter and applause ] finally, i think this is the one he's going to go with -- "mr. cheeto versus mrs. delete-" [ cheers and applause ] i'd pay to see that. here's a crazy story. a real estate agent in montana
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set up an open house on sunday when they found a naked couple in one of the bedrooms. [ light laughter ] his daughter said it was disgusting, while his son said, "i want to be a real estate agent like you dad." [ laughter and applause ] "pipe down, charlie!" check this out. a purple squid was just spotted off of the coast of california, and is going viral because it looks like it has googly eyes. we didn't do anything. this is a real photo. take a look. [ laughter ] that's real. yeah, real talk. [ laughter ] >> steve: hashtag. j squid's not the only animal with really big eyes. of course, there's the south american tree frog there's the slow loris. [ audience aws ] and of, course the horny weiner. [ laughter and applause ] which i think it's extinct. it might be extinct. we have a great show you guys. give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] ? ?
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>> jimmy: what was that jam? is that something i know? >> questlove: that was "too late for goodbyes." >> jimmy: yeah it was. ? too late for goodbyes ? julian lennon. >> questlove: julian lennon. >> jimmy: yeah. >> all week, we have been doing toots thielemans' songs. >> jimmy: oh. >> questlove: yeah. >> jimmy: it also could have been "electric avenue" a little bit. >> questlove: it could have been. ? who is to blame in one country the best damn show to be done ? ? good god ? ? we're gonna rock down and then we take you higher oh no ? ? ? out in the streets there is violence ? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> steve: oy! oy! >> jimmy: guys, come back again next week. i'm very excited about this. clint eastwood's gonna be here. [ cheers and applause ] that's my man! >> steve: come on! >> jimmy: michael strahan will be here! ariana grande and james spader will all be here! >> steve: wow! [ cheers ] >> jimmy: that's a good week.
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and -- really cool -- jack white. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] i love me some jack white! >> jimmy: he's doing a really cool thing for us. but first, i'm very excited to have her on the show. from the new movie "ithaca," meg ryan is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] oh. who doesn't love meg ryan? i love meg ryan. meg and i are going to play a a game of "pictionary" with some very special guests. >> steve: real talk. >> jimmy: well, yeah. real talk. [ laughter ] well, the special guests are actually our next guests. they are two of the funniest guys around. they are about to make their broadway debut. i'm so excited for these guys. they're super funny. in the show, "oh, hello," on broadway. nick kroll and john mulaney are joining us! >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] i love those dudes! >> jimmy: they're good dudes, very funny. >> steve: delightful. >> jimmy: very funny guys. and, to close out the show tonight, one of the best magicians around, this guy always freaks me out. i love him so much. he's so good, i mean in a good way, you know, where you're like, "how do you do that?" you know, um, dan white is back to perform a card trick -- [ cheers and applause ]
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it's really good. um, today is friday, and that's when i usually catch up with some personal stuff, you know, i check my inbox. i return some e-mails, and of course, i send out thank you notes. and i was running a bit behind. [ cheers and applause ] can i write out some thank you notes right now? do you guys mind if i -- [ cheers and applause ] james, can i get some thank you note writing music please? ? >> jimmy: yeah, he's a very confident, very peaceful man. >> steve: he's daydreaming. >> jimmy: very peaceful man. [ laughter ] >> steve: he's asleep. those are painted on his eyelids. >> jimmy: no, he's not sleeping. that's his normal face. >> steve: oh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's that calm. he makes you think that he's sleeping. >> steve: yeah, he does, man. >> jimmy: he makes you think -- >> steve: the human ambien. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: real talk. >> jimmy: he's a like a human ambien. [ laughter ] human ambien. >> steve: but he's awful cute. [ laughter ] ? >> jimmy: thank you "bachelor in paradise" for not being called "herpes island."
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>> steve: i do thank them. ? >> jimmy: thank you, back to school season, for being the magical time when parents look at schoolteachers and say, "they're your problem now." there you go. [ applause ] you raise them. ? [ laughter ] thank you, credit cards with the chip, for giving me the added bonus of having a long awkward silence with the ca [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] how's it going? >> steve: oh, i swipe it. >> jimmy: hi. oh, i did swipe -- oh, no. don't swipe it. [ laughter ] ? thank you, new study that found that students perform better in school if they have an attractive teacher. [ laughter ] so, if you're an english teacher and your students are failing, you ugly. [ laughter and applause ] hey! >> steve: that's rude. >> jimmy: that's rude!
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and send it out? >> steve: and laugh? who are you thanking? >> jimmy: i don't know. [ laughter ] it ends up somewhere. >> steve: i know. somewhere. rude wake up call. [ laughter ] ? >> jimmy: thank you, hangman, for taking a guessing game way too seriously. [ laughter and applause ] "kill me? i don't know. i'll take a guess." >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: oh, great. i don't know what it was. ? like it's totally normal to hang out on a mattress without sheets. [ laughter and applause ] weird. "it's so comfy. oh, my gosh. i can have my glass of red wine." >> steve: red wine. [ laughter ] i'm a seven. he's a three. [ laughter ] he's an english teacher. [ laughter and applause ] ?
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? >> jimmy: thank you, envelopes, for being stationary that you french kiss. there you go, everybody. that's my "thank you notes." we'll be right back with meg ryan! [ cheers and applause ] ? onit comes with a pen so you can write as you please this mac doesn't have any of that it's less useful like a hat for your cat surface has touch and a beautiful screen you can see things like they've never been seen this mac doesn't quite compare it's slower, heavy, and a bit square fold it in half, hello when you start lighter than air, you can doodle a heart yes it's plain to see
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? [ applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is making her directorial debut and starring in the new movie "ithaca" which is inec theaters and available on demand september 9th. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, meg ryan. ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on! meg ryan! they love you.
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>> jimmy: thank you so much for coming on show. i appreciate it. >> thanks for having me. >> jimmy: we met years ago. do you remember this? at a pearl jam concert. >> how do you forget that? >> jimmy: you do remember? >> how do you forget that? >> jimmy: i don't forget that. but i'm me and you're you, yeah. >> it was a legendary madison square garden show. >> jimmy: it was an amazing show. >> amazing. it was a show where the stage was bouncing. do you remember that? >> jimmy: it was the most electric thing. >> it was crazy. >> jimmy: it was the first time i ever uli tickets to a show. i did, i remember kelly curtis is their manager. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and i worked --i hung out with him when he did "almost famous" i got to meet him and i go, "hey, can i have tickets to pearl jam?" and he goes like, "sure. you'll sit on the side of the stage." and i go "oh cool" i thought he meant like the left side or the right side. like madison square garden. i'll be on some side. >> no. >> jimmy: i was actually on the actual side of the stage. >> yeah. >> jimmy: eddie vedder was like right where the camera is. >> and when the stage started bouncing around i remember the band looking over and like him looking over going well maybe we should stop this. it was like out of control. >> jimmy: it's like an earthquake. >> and i remember you were just losing your mind. >> jimmy: well i lost my mind
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>> arms were going everywhere, dancing everywhere. he was on a beer cooler. >> jimmy: no that's what i'm saying. he goes -- where do i sit? and he goes, just sit here. there's a cooler full of beer and you can have as much beer as you want. and i'm like am i in heaven? [ laughter ] and i thought maybe i died. and then meg ryan sits next to me. i'm like "what is going --" dear diary, i had the greatest day of my life today. >> eddie likes throws out a a tambourine. >> jimmy: you caught the tambourine. >> and i caught the tambourine >> jimmy: i totally remember that. >> i still have the tambourine. >> jimmy: i totally remember that it was so cool. oh alright, so i want to talk about you are now a director. >> mhm. >> jimmy: directorial debut "ithaca." >> yes. >> jimmy: what is it like directing a movie? and directing yourself? >> well it's a really, like, it's a really good way to get to know what the other people on the set are doing. >> jimmy: oh yeah, it's a lot of work. >> because as an actor you go you don't know, you don't know anything. >> jimmy: oh yeah, yeah. i mean, it's hard work as well, but -- >> hard work.
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wants to be the fastest telegram deliverer in the west. and -- >> jimmy: what made you want to do this story? >> well, it's a really, really simple story. and it's about very complicated things. and i thought i could handle it. like, it's a poetic story too. >> jimmy: it was beautifully shot. >> it was beautifully shot. >> jimmy: tom hanks makes a a little cameo. >> tom hanks is in there. >> jimmy:your old buddy tom hanks. your son is in it as well. >> jack. my son jack quaid is in the movie. >> jimmy: how fun is that? >> i know. lot of little kids in the movie. >> jimmy: the cutest little kids. >> the cutest little kids who don't respect you like at all. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they don't? >> no, not even remotely. >> jimmy: they don't. >> there was one incredibly cute kid in the movie spencer howell, plays little ulysses and i loved him so there was nothing that he did ever that i didn't want to watch in the editing room. i mean, i would watch him run -- sometimes my editor would just like keep his face frozen on the screen so i could look at him. he was my screen saver. he -- >> jimmy: just because he made you happy? >> he is so cute. wait until you see his face. and he comes to new york he has lunch with me. he's 5 years old when we shot the movie and halfway through the lunch i realized he didn't remember who i was. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: are you kidding me? >> nothing. like, drew a complete blank.
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>> yeah, two months ago is a a long time ago. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: maybe i met you at camp. yeah, i don't even know where you would go. who did you take from -- because you work with some great directors, oliver stone, you worked with my man, rob reiner. obviously "when harry met sally." >> yeah, rob runs a really fun set. >> jimmy: he's the most fun human being. >> yeah, he's really fun. and when -- i remember about working with him is he'd stand off and right next to the camera like billy would be on one side and he'd be on the other. and he'd laugh silently and wear these white sweatshirts and be heaving around. >> jimmy: i was like, must be hard for you to keep a straight face. >> yeah you can't keep a a straight face. and then at the end of something funny he would go, yeah, that's really funny. >> jimmy: yeah. >> like super serious. >> jimmy: but i mean like this scene of course obviously -- everyone remembers this right here. i'll have what she's having. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i know, it's just iconic. it's just iconic. but what was he like directing this one? did he have any say or you just improvised and went for it. >> oh no he had a lot of sounds. >> jimmy: he was doing the sounds? >> yeah, no, he was shouting out sounds. eventually all the people in the deli.
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>> jimmy: wait, wait, wait. so when you were doing the "oh, oh, oh" everybody was doing it. >> no more like "oyour honorhh" you know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: in katz's deli that's fantastic. >> yeah. >> jimmy: have you ever been back? >> no, i can't show my face there, jimmy. >> jimmy: what are you talking about? >> i could never go. >> jimmy: you could get like a a free pastrami sandwich probably if you go in there. >> i don't know. >> jimmy: i would like to go in there. i'll go in with you next time you're on the show. >> you and i will go. >> jimmy: yeah, we've got to go. >> okay. alright, that's a deal. >> jimmy: yeah, you're right. no, yeah, maybe yeah you're so it's actually it's out september 9th in select theaters and on demand which is the new way to do it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's the way to go. and i want to show everyone a a clip here because you're in it as well. this is called "ithaca." let's take a look. >> how much to san antone. >> uh, half as much as jersey. >> so that makes what, so half of 50 cents? >> a quarter. >> 25 cents. >> thank you.
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>> oh. >> here it is. you're going to have to pardon my pal, fat, here. he's just uh, he's just homesick. >> that's not my name. >> you see ma'am fat here and i we're shipping out tomorrow and he is just a little nervous. that's all. >> that's not my name at all. >> jimmy: stick around. meg ryan and i are playing pictionary when we get back. it will be great. [ applause ] ? it's stunningly beautiful, a perfect blend of performance and design. the world's thinnest laptop, the new premium hp spectre. sir you need to turn that off now. the new hp spectre with intel core i7 processor.
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? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. i am here with the one and only, meg ryan. [ cheers and applause ] and we are about to play a game of pictionary. meg and i are teaming up so we're going to need some opponents to play against. they'll be making their broadway debut this fall, in the new show "oh, hello," on broadway.
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nick kroll and john mulaney. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: okay everybody, everybody knows how to play pictionary. 30 seconds on the clock we'll each take a turn, then we'll have a show down where both teams will draw the same clue at the same time where it's double the points, and may the best team win. nick, why don't you go first. >> okay. >> team kroll. this one or that one? >> jimmy: yeah, you're drawing on that one. >> the one that says team kroll on it? great. >> jimmy: the one that has your name on it, yeah. >> ready? >> jimmy: yep. >> okay. >> jimmy: oh, why would i say yeah. >> okay, ready? >> he's guessing. >> i'm ready, i'm ready. do i not look ready? >> jimmy: you can tell us what it is right? >> oh, i have no idea. >> jimmy: yeah, who does he tell? >> do we know? >> jimmy: can't you say if it's a phrase or an object? >> oh yeah, sorry. i have no idea. i'm so nervous right now.
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>> jimmy: this will be fantastic. >> nick, nick, look at me. look at me, look at me. we're going to win. you're going to be fantastic. >> okay, thank you. >> this is team kroll. >> okay, great. >> ready? it's a phrase. >> jimmy: oh, it's a phrase. >> honey, tell me the phrase. >> okay, ready? >> okay, i'm ready, i'm ready. >> ah, beans, grapes. >> grapes? >> yeah, it's a phrase beans and grapes. >> uh, a dinosaur. >> jimmy: watch it, what are you? what is that? >> a dinosaur. apple dino apple cat. apple dinosaur cat. the cat, is that a dinosaur? no, a dog. raining cats and dogs. ? [ cheers and applause ] >> i don't know why -- i don't know why i was nervous. >> jimmy: i mean, i don't know why you're nervous either. i have to remove it just 'cause standards and practices. the fcc, we would get sued
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on. so what? >> jimmy: alright, alright, alright. >> so what? >> you're the arbiter of good -- >> jimmy: are you ready? lucky seven. >> okay. are you ready? >> jimmy: meg, we can do this. >> oh, it's a phrase. >> jimmy: okay. raining cats and dogs. here we go. i just have to say baby fish mouth. >> no! >> jimmy: uh, trivial pursuit pieces. >> no. >> jimmy: wheels. wheels on the bus go round and round. big wheels keep on turning. proud mama. uh, three wheels. a tricycle. atv. >> oh, oh, oh, oh! >> jimmy: box wheel. um, parking ticket. three. [ buzzer ] >> i forgot what it was right in the middle. >> jimmy: i got so lost. so what was it? >> third wheel. >> jimmy: of course. did i not say third wheel? i said three wheel. >> i guessed it. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: in my head i thought
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>> three wheel, the old expression box wheel. yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i forgot it was a a phrase. i thought it was an object at one point. >> i went out with this married couple, oh, i was such a box wheel. [ laughter ] >> is it me? >> jimmy: yes it's you, of course. >> i was able to guess it when i saw. >> jimmy: of course i forgot it was a phrase. third wheel, that's not really a phrase. >> oh, boy. this is a person, place, or animal. >> okay, great. >> wait, what? >> jimmy: a person, place, or animal? >> i dropped it. i got nervous again. i dropped it in here. >> jimmy: a person, place, or animal? that doesn't sound correct. >> that's okay, it's all right. and i'm not mad at you about the marker. i'm not mad, okay. >> i appreciate it. >> jimmy: you're harping on it a little bit. >> i'm not mad about the marker. i'm a good natured guy. >> he's not mad about the marker. >> jimmy: kind of harping on that marker. >> you're mad that i drew the penis earlier. [ laughter ] >> if i'm mad at anyone, it's the dog. network television, can't be so turned on. >> okay, okay, i'm ready. >> ready? >> okay. >> it's a person, it's a place.
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it's the sun. it's the top of the sun. it's an ant. it's a spider. a spiderman. ? [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, no! they're good, man. >> jimmy: i know, we can do this. we can do -- >> i was going to keep guessing. >> jimmy: we can still just, yeah, spiderman. >> spiderman's penis. [ laughter ] >> oh, that spider is so turned on. >> jimmy: alright, here we go. [ audience shouting ] >> 4. >> oh, no. oh, no! >> jimmy: okay. it's an action is what it says. okay, okay, okay, okay, alright. ready? >> i believe in you guys. >> jimmy: alright. here you go. oh, no.
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it's growing. it's drinking. it's a beer belly. it's a pregnancy. it is fat. it is, oh, no. oh, no. oh, no. it's an action. eating. eating something. swallowing. digesting. no, no, no! [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: why does it always happen? it was not on purpose. it was not on purpose. >> is it a dog dick? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it was not a dog! that was a phone. that was a phone. it was a booty phone. booty call. >> oh. >> ah. >> jimmy: oh, gosh that was embarrassing.
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are in the lead and it looks like you're gonna really take the win, but this last round scores 8,000 points. [ laughter ] alright, meg, you're up. you go up with nick and you go and you're gonna both draw the same clue at the same time. whoever guesses it wins the whole thing. >> really? okay. >> jimmy: oh yeah. we have a chance. we can win. we can do this. >> all i have is this. >> this is yours. >> thank you, nick. >> jimmy: you don't need the cap anymore. yeah, thank you though. thank you, nick. >> thank you, nick. >> jimmy: i'm just, i'm playing games now. okay here we go. offensive. >> which should i pick? >> jimmy: oh yeah, you pick a a number, yeah. >> which one? [ audience shouting ] >> you're drawing the same thing. >> oh, no. >> okay. >> it's an action. >> okay. >> okay. >> jimmy: not booty call. >> not booty call, that's already been taken. >> ready? >> jimmy: yes? uh, bug. eyelashes. blink, blink of an eye. >> sleeping. >> jimmy: sleeping dogs lie. let sleeping dogs lie. sleeping beauty. >> sleep walking. ?
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>> jimmy: i'm sorry. >> that's alright. >> jimmy: congratulations! nick kroll, john mulaney, meg ryan my pal. more on "the tonight show" after the break. oh, my gosh! [ cheers and applause ] ? to those who don't run from mud...but through it. who know it wasn't a day at the beach... ... gearheads... and those with green thumbs. to the sticky... the stinky... even those who get a little icky. to all the beautiful mess makers, keep it up... with delta in2ition plus h2okinetic, you can. see what delta can do. this is not the land of good enough.
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? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guests are two extremely talented comedians who have come together for one of the called "oh, hello on broadway." previews begin september 23rd at the lyceum theatre and the show opens october 10th. everyone please welcome nick kroll and john mulaney. [ cheers and applause ]
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you had a little change in clothes. >> during the break. what happened was during the break, we went down to the nbc experience store. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, i love that. it's the greatest store. >> it's the best. >> they have everything. central perk. >> yeah. >> "friends." >> yeah. >> "seinfeld." >> come on, this shirt from "seinfeld." all the stuff. i've never seen the show so i don't know any of the references. [ light laughter ] >> these are the smallest sizes they have. i got a "veronica's closet" adult diaper. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i love that show, "veronica's closet." >> i beat up my aunt and took her visor. >> jimmy: see they have everything down there. >> they have everything, look at this show, "e.r." can you imagine this? >> guys, this is when, do you guys remember this is when george clooney, this is before he was a movie star, when he was a doctor. >> yes, that's right. >> this is back when tv shows were set in chicago. [ light laughter ] and we got you a present, jimmy.
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>> don't you think we didn't get you anything. >> jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you, guys. thank you. >> that was the appropriate gift. >> a gift for you from us. >> jimmy: thank you. >> this is exciting. >> jimmy: wet shirt here. >> it is, look in the bag,jimmy. yes! [ cheers and applause ] >> what a let down, right? >> jimmy: unbelievable. >> what a let down. >> we hope you love it. we hope you love it. >> jimmy: thank you. i really do. i really like it. you got my nam you guys are really nice. >> in new york, it's so busy downstairs. new york, i'd hate to be the first to say it, but new york has changed. >> jimmy: it's always been busy. >> but it's not the same since giuliani left, you know. we miss the hell out of him. >> we miss the hell out of him. >> i mean, the guy was a great guy. the one thing is he got rid of all the pornography in times square and now you have to walk one block west to 8th avenue. >> jimmy: that's a pain. >> he's doing good though. i saw him on tv last night. i think he's in a regional production of dracula.
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he's really riding that train. >> jimmy: guys, i want to talk about this, because this is very exciting. >> this is real by the way. this is a real thing. >> jimmy: it really is. >> we showed this picture to a a veterinarian, look at my little fingy, comin' in right there. look at that. we showed this picture to a a vet, and he thought that -- >> he thought it was about a a groovy turtle and a mean old goat. >> jimmy: no, that's not what, a groovy turtle. uh, this is actually, it started with just you guys doing a >> we did a little comedy show in the east village and we had to host it, and we were trying to think of a way to host it. like what characters to do. and then we were wandering around the strand bookstore one day. >> jimmy: which the strand is an old bookstore in new york. >> used bookstore. >> it's good, their slogan is 8 miles of books and 12 miles of loneliness. [ light laughter ] >> and we saw these two older guys, 70-year-old guys, both find their own copies of alan alda's autobiography, never have your dog stuffed.
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and were buying their own hard cover copy. >> yeah. >> and their clothes was like carpeting. like their whole, their color palate was thanksgiving. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: gil and george are the characters. >> gil and george, yeah. >> jimmy: explain gil to me. >> gil faizon, he's a gentleman in his early 70s. he's the kind of guy who brings beverages to the bathroom. [ laughter ] does that make sense? >> jimmy: yeah i kind of know that guy. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> aeo george st. geegland the patron saint of dandruff. he's the type of guy, he's neither jewish nor a woman, but like many men over the age of 70, he's somehow both. george is the type of guy you would catch at a party going through the coats. [ laughter ] >> they're like, their essence is like you know when you get to the bottom of a tub of
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out that last? they're the final fingy humus scoop on your finger. >> if i may, their essence is, you know when you walk by a a travel agency and you're like, what? well, when they walk by a a travel agency, they go, oh, sure. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how are you preparing for this? 'cause this is eight shows a a week. i mean, this is big time guys. you can't fool around. you can't goof off. >> we're not going to prepare. here's what it is. >> if you're playing guys in their mid 70s who are a little flu-like at all times you don't need to prepare. we did the show on tour, i did it in washington d.c. i had a full indian meal, lots of bread and goop, and i was so full of food and i walked out and i said i'm too full to go on, and it was one of the best shows we ever had. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: bread and goop. >> yeah, they eat goop. >> jimmy: what happens on stage? what is the story about? >> it's great. it's about these two guys and they've lost their rent controlled apartment and everything.
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>> it's like, they wrote a play about themselves. these are two guys who have been in new york forever, and they think they deserve a a victory lap, and they're getting one on broadway. >> it's like if the music in charlie rose, you know, the intro music wrote a play. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the show is absolutely real. so excited for you guys and i cannot wait to see it. >> and i gotta check this "seinfeld" show out. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you will freak out. you'll love all of those references. >> jimmy: nick kroll and john mulaney. "oh, hello on broadway." begins previews on september 23rd and opens october 10th at the lyceum theater. so funny. we'll be right back with magician, dan white. ? [ cheers and applause ] it's a golden opportunity to discover that in a lexus suv there are no adverse conditions.
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for a limited time, get some of our best offers of the year at the lexus golden opportunity sales event. get up to $5,000 customer cash on select 2016 models. ends september 5th. see your lexus dealer. although just 4 foot 8, simone biles is packed with power. that's why she trusts tide pods. she knows small can be powerful.
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t-mobile's coverage is unstoppable. we doubled our lte coverage. and, with extended range lte, it reaches farther than ever. now you can stream video and music free in more places without using any of your data. from skylines to coastlines, out in the country, deep in the city. we got you covered. 311 million americans and counting. come see why t-mobile is #1 in customer satisfaction. here i am... building a jet engine. we've been hearing so much about how you're a digital company, so you can see our confusion. ge is an industrial company that actually builds world-changing machines. machines that can also communicate digitally. like robots. did you build that robot? that's not a robot, that's my coworker earl.
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that is a vending machine, ricky. john, give him a dollar. i am sebastian artois. brewmaster. risktaker. i sold everything i had to own a brewery. you might have heard its name... stella artois be legacy [bell rings] on the first day of school, i learned... it only takes some thing small to go from not friends... this one's got detachable keys it comes with a pen so you can write as you please this mac doesn't have any of that it's less useful like a hat for your cat surface has touch and a beautiful screen you can see things like they've never been seen this mac doesn't quite compare it's slower, heavy, and a bit square fold it in half, hello when you start
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power shouldn't come from money and influence. power comes from the people. i'm mark connolly, as your financial regulator, i went... after big corporations when they did wrong. as your governor, i'll stand up to the gun lobby to keep... military assault weapons off our streets. i'll take on the drug companies that caused this crisis...
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mark connolly. governor. ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody. welcome back. [ cheers and applause ] oh, get ready, get ready. this is so fun and you guys will be part of this. we're joined right now by an unbelievably talented magician who performs his sold out show
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new york city. it's booked for like the next three months. but if you can get in, you've got to see this guy. well actually, you don't need to. you're here. [ laughter ] you're going to see him tonight. he is back for his fourth time on our show to perform a brand new trick designed just for us. please welcome the magician, dan white. [ cheers and applause ] ? >> hey, jimmy. >> jimmy: hi buddy. >> how are you? >> jimmy: great to see you. >> jimmy, i have here an empty ve and i'm going to seal this envelope just like this, and i need to give -- sir. sir. would you mind holding on to this envelope? don't give that to anybody. just hold on to it, don't do anything weird with it. >> jimmy: why him? >> we'll get back to that. [ light laughter ] jimmy, how are you doing? >> jimmy: good to see you, buddy. how are you, dan? >> jimmy, we're going to do a a card trick here tonight. >> jimmy: i love card tricks. i love every trick you do on the show. >> very good, but we're not going to use a normal deck of cards.
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cards. >> jimmy: okay. [ laughter ] >> for those people who aren't familiar with cards against humanity cards on each card there are printed a a bunch of different wacky, weird things, and i have a pack full of all different cards, right? >> jimmy: yeah. >> for instance, we've got "chainsaws for hands," right? >> jimmy: okay. >> or "pooping in a laptop and closing it." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. >> right, a bunch of different cards. jimmy, i'm going to go through these cards. i want you to choose one card. choose one card. any one that you like, pick one out. >> jimmy: okay. and then not show you. >> don't show me. i don't want to see it. don't show anybody. >> just choose one. do you like that one? >> jimmy: yeah. >> very good, i want you to read that card to yourself. read what is written on that card to yourself. okay? >> jimmy: okay. >> very good, and i want you to think of the first short word that pops into your head after reading that card. the first short word. you got one? >> jimmy: one of these words? >> no. [ light laughter ] after reading that -- like a a word association. >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> don't say it. just think it. >> jimmy: i know, but i'm trying to sum it all up. [ laughter ] >> take your time. >> jimmy: okay, good i got it. >> you got one? >> jimmy: yeah. >> perfect.
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word on that card. i'm going to turn around. i'm not going to look. and once you've done that, i want you to write your initials or your signature on the bottom on the corner of that card just to make that card unique, special, different. and once you've done that i want you to take the pen and put it on the table and let me know when you have done that. >> jimmy: do i hold the card? >> yes. >> jimmy: what do i do with the card? >> just hold it to your chest. let me know when you have done that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay i'm done. dan, i'm done. >> okay, i'm going to turn around, but before i do that, i want you to hold thard so i can't see that card. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i am. >> we good? >> jimmy: yes. >> great, okay. i'm going to turn around, jimmy. if you wouldn't mind, can you place that card right there in the pack? you're good jimmy. goes into the middle of the pack. and before we do anything else, i'm going to cut these cards, and i want you to hold out your right hand. hold out your right hand for me. perfect. i'm going to take this box. i'm going to place the cards into the box and i want you to put your other hand on top of the box.
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>> jimmy. his is going to sound kind of weird, but i dream about you. [ laughter ] it's true. but i think a lot of people dream about you, because you -- you're on "the tonight show," right? you're in the homes of millions of people and every night people, they see you right before they go to sleep. >> jimmy: that's correct. >> you're the last voice that they hear. >> jimmy: it's nighttime, that -- sure, yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy, before i came on the show, before i found out i was coming back on the show, i had a dream. i had a dream about us. i had a dream about us being here. i had a dream about us playing cards against humanity. >> jimmy: oh, good. >> yea [ light laughter ] jimmy, you could have chosen any card. >> jimmy: yeah. >> that was a fair choice. >> jimmy: yep. >> perfectly fair. >> jimmy: yes. >> jimmy, for the first time -- for the first time, what was written on the card that you chose? not what you wrote, but what was written on the card that you chose? >> jimmy: "a zesty breakfast burrito." [ light laughter ] >> "zesty breakfast burrito," yes. and then you wrote a word down, right? you wrote a word down on that card. we haven't set anything up. we haven't talked about this. >> jimmy: i didn't know what trick i was doing. i knew to look at the camera.
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>> that's all you knew. you knew nothing else. swear to them that we have not set anything up. >> jimmy: i would never do that. >> perfect. perfect. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i actually hope it goes wrong. because that would be hilarious. [ laughter ] i think that would be funny. >> jimmy, for the first time, what is the word that you wrote on that card? >> jimmy: spicy. >> spicy. >> jimmy: spicy, yeah. >> jimmy, in my dream a word popped out to me. and it's been in my head ever since, and because of that i wrote something down, but i wrote it i >> jimmy: mmhm. >> jimmy, there's been this chalk board here, standing here the whole time. no one's gone near it. i haven't touched it. >> jimmy: correct. >> you could have thought of any word. >> jimmy: yeah. >> spicy. >> jimmy: yes. >> on this chalk board, i wrote something down. ? [ applause ] spicy. that is in chalk.
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>> jimmy: how the heck did you do that? >> we're not done yet though, jimmy. jimmy, can you hold this card between your hands? >> jimmy: yeah. >> perfect. jimmy, tilt your hand sideways like that. jimmy, you might feel this. you might feel this. >> jimmy: whoa. >> did you feel that? did you feel it? >> jimmy: i actually really just felt something. [ laughter ] that was weird. >> jimmy, what if i told you that your card just now vanished from that deck. >> jimmy: yeah, what? [ laughter ] i just felt like an electric shock. like an invisible wall. >> open your hand. take the cards out of the box. take the cards out of the box. jimmy, there's nothing else in that box, correct? >> jimmy: no. >> perfect. as i go through, i want you to look for your card. look for the one you wrote on. zesty burrito. go through here. one card has vanished from this pack. all the other cards are there. one card has completely disappeared from this pack. one card completely. >> jimmy: aw, it's gone. >> it's gone. >> jimmy: it's going to be like in my mouth or something. yeah, i know. [ light laughter ]
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be cooler for it to end up? >> jimmy: oh, my god. [ drum roll ] [ light laughter ] dude. >> where is that envelope? sir, can you hold that envelope? sir, have you given that envelope to anybody else? >> no. >> sir, can you pass that down? pass that down to the person in front of you. pass it down to the person in front of you. pass it down to the person in front of you. and pass it down one more time. and jimmy can you go get the card? i don't want to touch it. i do want to touch it. jimmy, can you bring that card back over here? bring that envelope, bring that envelope down. inside that envelope there's one thing. open up that envelope. >> jimmy: come on, man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm going to freak out right now. [ laughter ] oh, my god. no way. >> jimmy, inside that envelope is a card. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> but it's not just any card. >> jimmy: if you do this, man, i don't know how the heck you did this. oh, my goodness. ? [ applause ] how in the heck? what is going on?
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for tickets to the magician visit nomadupstairs.com. more of "the tonight show" after the break. stick around everybody. wow! ?
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? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to meg ryan, nick kroll, john mulaney, dan white! [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there from philadelphia! [ cheers and applause ] i don't know. i don't know. stay tuned for "late night th have a great weekend. i hope to see you next week. bye, bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ]
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[ cheers and applause ] ? >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- robert deniro. nfl hall of fame star and analyst, jerome bettis. music from anthrax. featuring the 8g band with jon wurster. ? [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] doing well? excellent, excellent. in that case, let's get to the news. a new poll released today shows hillary clinton is nine points ahead of donald trump in new mexico. and 100 points ahead in old mexico.
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donald trump. [ light laughter ] melania trump said in a new interview that she will be different than other first ladies. for example, her husband will never be president. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] hillary clinton held fundraisers today in silicon valley. said hillary, "it's so great to be back here in the town where i was built." republican vice presidential candidate mike pence got a haircut at a black barber shop in pennsylvania yesterday, and afterwards, had to explain to the barber who he was. [ light laughter ] please enjoy this clip. >> your name were? >> mike pence. >> mike pence. >> yes, sir. i'm the governor of the state of indiana, i'm running for vice

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