tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC September 28, 2016 12:38am-1:37am EDT
of voters believe that donald trump won last night's debate. it's the worst debate performance for a republican since clint eastwood lost to that chair. [ laughter ] [ growling ] "good rebuttal chair." [ laughter ] donald trump told reporters today that he gives hillary clinton a 'c' plus for her performance in last night's debate. a 'c' plus? [ light laughter ] then what was your grade? an 'h?' [ laughter ] donald trump blamed his poor performance on a defective mic that may have been planted at his podium on purpose. apparently the mic had a defect that caused it to pick up everything he said. [ laughter ] "wait, people are hearing this?" [ cheers and applause ] "well that's very bad for me." [ applause ] according to twitter of the five million tweets about last night's presidential debate 62% of them were about donald trump
[ laughter ] "hold on." during the debate donald trump's campaign was reportedly deleting old tweets that contradicted his on air claims. [ light laughter ] and i think we actually have a clip of that process. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: for those of you too young to remember that was eleanor roosevelt. [ laughter ] the new york post published photos yesterday showing patriot's quarterback tom brady spending some of his deflategate suspension tanning naked in italy with his super model wife gisele. well, i hope he's learned his lesson.
a spokesperson for the taliban issued a statement saying the terrorist group was very eager to watch last night's debate between hillary clinton and donald trump except for achmed who had $20 on the falcons to beat new orleans. "could we at least switch over and check the score, man? come on, i got no service here." [ laughter ] "like everybody from my fantasy team is in that game." a new study suggests that suffering from morning sickness may indicate expectant mothers are having a healthy pregnancy. just be careful as to when you deliver that fact. "honey are you in there? you sound awful anyway, i got some great news. you're healthy." [ laughter ] now some of you may have seen this, hillary clinton released a new campaign ad this weekend called "mirrors." it's drawing a lot of attention. the way the ad works is it features young women looking into mirrors intercut with donald trump insulting the physical appearance of various women.
>> i'd look her right in that fat ugly face of hers. she's a slob. she ate like a pig. a person who is flat chested is very hard to be a ten. [ laughter ] >> seth: you know it's really an effective technique because it reminds you many of the awful things he said about women. but it should be noted that donald trump's insults have never been limited to just women. he'll insult anyone and anything he doesn't care for. in fact we managed to get a hold of hillary's next campaign ad. so please enjoy an early cut of >> i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message. ? >> when mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best. what do you have to lose? you're living in poverty. your schools are no good. you have no jobs. the press are liars. they're terrible people. ? some wall street guys, they're brutal. they're miserable. you wouldn't want to go out to dinner. they're terrible people.
the referees they want to all throw flags so there wife sees them at home. oh, there's my husband. [ laughter ] how stupid are the people of iowa. [ laughter ] hairspray is not like it used to be. it used to be real good. [ laughter ] i thought seth meyers frankly, his delivery was not good. he's a stutterer. >> seth: that's fair. [ laughter ] ? [ applause ] >> seth: and finally, a group is set to launch a calendar exclusively featuring partially nude photos of red headed men, unless their demands are met. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] we have a good one. from the new film, "miss peregrine's home from peculiar children," our friend
[ cheers and applause ] one of the all time greats. she's one of the all time greats too. my old colleague and good friend from "saturday night live," cecily strong is here to talk about their season premiere and hopefully this summer. and also from the esquire network, the show is "car matchmaker," he is the host, spike feresten is joining us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] it's a great show. last night, we were live. which is very exciting. we like doing live shows. we had great guests lastht and, you know one of the things about hosting a talk show is you get to have people all the time that you're excited to talk to. last night david ortiz was on the show. i'm a huge boston red sox fan and it was a big deal to me that david ortiz was sitting right there and i wanted it to go well. i felt a little extra pressure because it was big papi. and unfortunately for me midway through our ten minute interview i realized oh i have to sneeze. and i fought it off as well as i
i've never sneezed on tv before. unfortunately it was live, so i knew if i sneezed we weren't gonna be able to edit it out. and well, there you go. take a look. >> seth: you have a favorite memory here at the end? >> well, you know -- [ sneeze ] >> seth: sorry. [ laughter ] i have -- here's the thing. i have been working on that sneeze for like ten minutes -- [ laughter ] and i almost made it. >> almost. [ laughter ] >> seth: i did almost make it again from a different angle just so you see how hard i was working. the noble effort i made to not sneeze while david ortiz was here. >> seth: obviously you've never seen this before. this is a half red sox and half yankees controller in honor of you. that's pretty great. >> a lot of fight. >> seth: a lot of fight. [ laughter ] what is your -- do you have a favorite memory here at the end? >> well, you know -- [ sneeze ] >> seth: sorry.
>> seth: so apologies. apologies to big papi but also thank you so much for coming on. all right, moving on. we talked about it last night, donald trump and hillary clinton faced off in their first debate and today the consensus seems clear on who won which prompted donald trump supporters to look for excuses. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ? [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: before the debate even started it was clear to many there was a double standard in what e like this from conservative pundant hugh hewitt. >> i think the pressures actually on secretary clinton. she has so many things she can't do. she can not cough. she can not laugh with the distinctive hillary laugh. she can not shout like she did at her supporters last week and she can not condescend. on the other hand donald trump just has to be alpable. >> seth: so she can't laugh, she can't cough, she can't shout or condescend. basically she has to act like a ninja bank robber weaving
c-plus walmart greeter. [ laughter ] so based on the expectations his own supporters help set, all trump had to do was be a normal person and he would have been declared the winner and yet he still managed to lose. [ light laughter ] even fox news had to glumly admit that he lost although they did have plenty of excuses. >> the rest of the debate he's been as good in the first 11 or 20 minutes, however you want to count for, he would have won that debate and we might be looking at a different race. >> the most critical point of night was the first 30 minutes when people were really tuned in. those were donald trump's best minutes. >> hillary was mean, nasty, personal. >> she looked i think for the most part, she looked composed, smug sometimes. not necessarily attractive. >> seth: she? she didn't look attractive? last night donald trump's face looked like someone was making a fist inside a sock puppet. [ laughter ]
but even in his worst moments trump had a best bud to fall back on. you might remember last night, trump continued to falsely claim he opposed the iraq war, incited one fox host in particular who he said could prove it if people would just call him. >> everyone refuses to call sean hannity. nobody wants to call him. nobody calls sean hannity. if somebody would call up sean hannity. [ laughter ] >> seth: it sounds like hannity's jewish mother trying to set him up on a date. he's a nice boy. he has his own tv show. you're not getting any younger." after the debate of course, there's the time honored tradition of candidates leaving the stage and embracing their loved ones and trump was no different rushing directly into the arms of the only person who truly understood him. >> we've got trump speaking to our own sean hannity. [ laughter ] >> seth: and it makes sense that trump went to sean hannity because hannity was one of the few people who thought trump actually won this debate.
i thought trump was very articulate. he was himself but he didn't fall into the trap. he could have hit her so hard that everybody in that audience would have gone, oh. >> seth: they would have been like, oh, which makes sense because trump is the jerry springer show of candidates. [ laughter ] although hannity didn't always get help from his guests like when he asked former candidate ben carson for his take on the debate. >> what's your take on the general reaction to the debate? [ laughter ] >> are you asking me sean? >> can you hear me? >> oh. okay. >> yes. yes, sir. [ laughter ] >> seth: ben carson must have been such a mess in school plays. "where art thou romeo? romeo? ben? huh?" [ light laughter ] none the less trump seemed to take his cues from hannity bragging this morning that he won the debate and citing several online polls he said he won to prove it. >> every poll i won slight.
the vote in the poll. i won time magazine. i won cbs. >> seth: that's right he won cbs which is news to cbs as their chief white house correspondent tweeted this morning, quote, donald trump said he won a cbs news post debate poll, we did not conduct a post debate poll. [ laughter and applause ] come on cbs, let him have this one thing. he had a very hard night. this poor man. [ applause ] trump's es he couldn't even be bothered to prepare for the most important 90 minutes of his campaign and it showed. like for example on terrorism he could have tried to engage in a serious debate about isis and how to defeat it. instead he got into this back and forth with hillary. >> well at least i have a plan to fight isis. >> no, no. you're telling the enemy everything you want to do. >> no we're not. no we're not. >> see you're telling the enemy everything you want to do. no wonder you've been fighting -- no wonder you've been fighting isis your entire adult life. >> seth: that's right. she has been fighting isis her
[ laughter ] which lead to this fact check from the associated press. one of the better fact checks in history. hillary clinton was born in 1947 and is 68-years-old. she reached adulthood in 1965. the islamic state group grew out of an al qaeda spin off outside in iraq in 2013. [ laughter and applause ] although -- although, i guess it's not surprising someone had to explain to trump when adulthood begins since he still hasn't reached it. [ laughter ] and then there was this moment when trump claimed the hack earlier this year of the democratic national committee might not have been committed by russia. >> i don't think anybody knows it was russia that broke into the dnc. she's saying russia, russia, russia, but i don't -- maybe it was. i mean it could be russia but it could also be china. could also be lots of other people it also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, okay. >> seth: wow.
up. [ laughter ] "china." why does he say it like that? could be russia. it could be china. [ laughter ] but maybe the most insane answer trump gave was his answer on cyber warfare. now i feel like we have a tendency to get lost in trump's showmanship, his performance, so we've been doing something on the show lately where we read his answers rather than watch him say them. so i'm just going to flatly read to you trump's anson these are his words. quote, when you look at what isis is doing with the internet they're beating us at our own game, isis. so we have to get very, very tough on cyber and cyber warfare. it is. it is a huge problem. i have a son. he's 10-years-old. he has computers. he is so good with these computers. it's unbelievable. the security aspect of cyber is very, very tough.
governmental society. we have so many things that we have to do better, lester, and certainly cyber is one of them. [ laughter ] he talks about tech like lenny brisko in a 20-year-old episode of "law and order." "we got a warrant for you floppies." [ laughter ] but there was another revealing moment last night that i feel like might get lost in all the post debate chatter. trump basically admitted that he pays no federal income taxes. he's refused to release his tax returns so we don't know how much of anything he pays in though i think he may have tipped his hand with these exchanges last night. >> he didn't pay any federal income tax. so -- >> that makes me smart. >> if he's paid, you haven't paid any federal income tax for a lot of years and the other thing i think is important. >> it would be squandered too, believe me. >> seth: oh, the government would squander your money says the guy who covers his penthouse in gold like an old prospector who just won the lottery. [ laughter ] but if you were paying close attention you might have caught
doesn't pay any federal income taxes. in the end even if you're a trump supporter you have to admit last night was not a great night for the gop nominee. he could have said a lot of unanswered questions if he just released tax returns. and if he had done it last night -- >> everybody in that audience would have gone oh. >> seth: this has been "a closer look." ? [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: we'll be right back with samuel l. jackson. [ cheers and applause ] ? my mother passed 2003, but she always told me i don't care if you turn out to be a great athlete or whatever but, you need to make sure you get your college degree. sometimes i call the house, just to hear her voice. (phone ringing) answering machine: hi, leave a message after the beep. (beep) hey mom, this is larry. i just want to let you know that uh,
(beep) but grandma, we use charmin ultra soft so we don't have to wad to get clean. charmin ultra soft gets you clean without the wasteful wadding. it has comfort cushions you can see that are softer... ...and more absorbent, and you can use up to 4 times less. enjoy the go with charmin. we're going to prove just how wet and sticky your current gel antiperspirant is. now we're going to show you how degree dry spray is different. degree dry spray. degree. it won't let you down. [ "on the road again," by willie nelson ] ? on the road again ?
[ front assist sounds ] [ music stops ] [ girl laughs ] ? on the road again ? ? like a band of gypsies we go down the highway ? [ beetle horn honks ] no matter which passat you choose, you get more standard features, for less than you expected. hurry in and lease the 2017 passat s for just $199 a month. what are these? what is it? duck lips. quack quack. plastic surgery duck! uh huh! you are a backwards duck. instead of quack, he says- no, kcauq. kcauq. kcauqqq. kcauuuu. ? ? pringles! ? ?
's tattooed on our neck. spelled different because it's brewed different. you work at ge? yeah, i do. you guys are working on some pretty big stuff over there, right? like a new language for crazy-big, world-changing machines. well, not me specifically. i work on the industrial side. so i build the world-changing machines. i get it. you can't talk because it's super high-level. no, i actually do build the machines. blink if what you're doing wait, what? wowwww... wow?
[ cheers and applause ] ? >> seth: welcome back to late night, everybody. please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also back with us tonight, he's an incredible drummer and his band tool are three time grammy everybody. [ cheers and applause ] there he is. and be sure to look out for a new album from tool coming sometime soon. thank you so much for being here, danny. such a pleasure. [ cheers and applause ] >> thanks for having me. >> seth: our first guest tonight is an oscar nominated actor you know from films like "pulp fiction" and "django unchained." you can see him in "miss peregrine's home for peculiar children," which hits theaters september 30th. let's take a look. >> i saw you at your
peregrine's address from him. but alas, my traveling companion got to him before i did. speaking of my traveling companion, he's coming and believe me when i say to you, you don't want to be here when he arrives. >> seth: please welcome back to the show samuel l. jackson. [ cheers and applause ] ? ? >> seth: how are you? >> i am excellent. >> seth: it's always such a pleasure to have you here. >> thank you, it's always a pleasure to be here too. >> seth: you always show up with good products. you always have good films. and you do a lot of films, and yet you're consistently good. >> okay.
>> seth: but i have a question to ask, because you've had such a long career, successful career. you are a confident person. >> yes. >> seth: yet when i think back or when you think back to when you were an actor early on, were you always this confident when you walked into a room to audition? >> yeah. i always figured that if my agent sent me out five times a week i was going to book two jobs. >> seth: oh, wow. >> and you know, you reach a point where you go through the audition with the same dudes all the time. and it was kind of cool here in new york, because you run into people on the train or you run into them at the first audition. everybody is going to the second audition so you all walk together, you go to the audition, you get there, you come out. you know, you do this and go through the next one and you reach a point where you know you booked enough jobs that people are kind of leery of you. >> seth: okay. >> so you go in the room and you stay in there a little while longer and you come out and you just come out and tell everybody, all right, y'all can go. [ laughter ] you know. and everybody is like -- [ laughter ] is that real or what? >> seth: you psych out the competition. >> totally. >> seth: and you -- now, i want to point out that you were --
were actual actors that you were friends with and hung out with. denzel. >> yeah. >> seth: larry fishburne. >> yup. >> seth: morgan freeman. >> yup. >> seth: wesley snipes. you guys were all friends at the same time. that's insane to me that you all knew each other back then. >> it was a tight group of people i had. jim pickens, who was on "grey's anatomy." >> seth: sure. >> he was in that. you know, brent jennings. there was a lot of people. ellis williams. great people that still work. >> seth: was it fun or did you guys -- so back then no money? >> well, we'd pool our money and eat. you know. [ light laughter ] >> seth: okay. >> we had a lot of great papaya backth >> yeah, man. you get a bunch of dogs there. you get like $4 together you were living large. [ light laughter ] >> seth: so, that's new york back in the day. you last film, we just saw a clip, you shot in blackpool, england. >> yes. >> seth: is blackpool, england the new york of england? >> blackpool is the jersey shore of the u.k. [ light laughter ] >> seth: okay. >> you know, basically. >> seth: so it's a coast town. >> yes, a coast town. it's got an interesting boardwalk, you know. it's got a wax museum. it's got a museum of conspiracy
>> seth: okay. >> it sells a lot of salt water taffy. >> seth: do you enjoy salt water taffy? >> i actually do. >> seth: you do? >> i'm going to take the salt water taffy that's in my dressing room, actually. there's a box. >> seth: oh yeah, we have it for guests. >> yeah, i'm -- >> seth: you take it? >> i'm definitely housing that. >> seth: okay, great. [ laughter ] >> so there's that going on. on the weekends, there are a lot of bridal parties. >> seth: oh, okay. >> there's at least five to seven bridal parties come to town. you know, pack of nine -- nine to0 >> seth: do you ever stumble by? do they ever see sam jackson? >> oh yeah. >> seth: are they excited? >> if they can focus on me, yeah. there's a lot of pubs too. >> seth: yeah, okay, gotcha. [ light laughter ] >> so they're in and out of that. so there's these bridal parties, and then there's all of these bachelor parties. so there's guys running around with giant condoms on their heads and diapers. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> chicken feet and stuff like they're funkadelic, you know. so they're like running, so -- >> seth: you would never do that right? you would never put a condom on your head. [ laughter ] you're thinking about it. you're thinking about it more than i thought you would. >> yeah.
[ laughter ] now, you like -- you don't dislike being recognized. >> no, not at all. >> seth: you dig it? >> yeah, i mean there was a time when nobody knew who i was and even when i was doing movies i would be with friends who were in spike lee movies and people would recognize them and i was just standing there, you know, and they'd be talking to them or whatever. and then when i finally got a level of notoriety when i was first doing things like "die hard" and "kiss of death," i was working here in town and i would literally, you know, leave the hotel some days an just walk around and see how many people recognized me. >> seth: oh, really? [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: you would go fishing for it. >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah but this was before, you know, the selfie. >> seth: oh yeah, that's true. >> now it's like insane. >> seth: it was better back then, right? >> oh my god. the selfie is the new autograph. >> seth: yeah. >> you know, so everybody wants to do it. and, you know, once you start, it's on. >> seth: nobody wants an autograph anymore. >> no, everybody wants to post you. >> seth: yeah, they just want to post you.
we hanging out. >> seth: do you have a face that you do on all pictures? like, to not show too much enthusiasm? >> all depends on how aggressive that person was. >> seth: got it. >> you know, and if they insist, insist, insist, i end up taking a photograph where they're holding the camera like this and i'm just -- [ laughter ] >> seth: so that way their friends know they were being an asshole. >> i'm straight staring at them, you know. i'm not facing forward. they go smile. [ laughter ] so no, i don't do that. but generally when i'm on the street in places like london, i have my headphones in. >> seth: yeah. >> and if i have them on or not, you know, i'm doing my head like this so when people call my name i can act like i didn't hear it. >> seth: oh, that's good. [ light laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: that's a smart move. >> yeah, i just keep rolling. but if you're like a shark, you don't have to worry about the selfie too much. or some people i'll say walk in front of me and take the picture. >> seth: oh, there you go. >> and they go -- walk in front of me, and i'm behind you okay. take your picture. >> seth: wow. >> and you know, some of them get it and some of them go like -- yeah, but i want to put my arm -- no, i don't want your
i'm not touching. i'm not your cell mate, you know. we don't got to be here. we're not taking that picture. we're not taking that. [ applause ] >> seth: there you go. you're honest with them. >> yeah. >> seth: it's an honest exchange of ideas. >> yeah. >> seth: another thing i like about you, because i like watching you in movies, you also like watching yourself in movies and a lot of actors will say, i've had them say on my show they can't watch themselves in film. [ laughter ] what do you think of actors who say that? >> i think it's a lie, number one. [ laughter ] and number two, why would you come watch you if you don't want to watch yourself? [ light laughter ] you know? this is a look at me business. >> seth: right. >> so you're out there because you want people to look at you. >> seth: right. >> and if you can't stand watching yourself, you really need another job, you know? >> seth: and have you gone to movie theaters to see your films? >> all the time. [ laughter ] >> seth: and do people recognize you then? >> yes. >> seth: are they excited? >> yes. they get excited and i got my popcorn and my big, you know, cherry icee.
>> seth: have you ever said to yourself on screen, like, don't go in there? [ laughter ] >> i haven't done that movie yet. >> seth: you really haven't? >> no, but i keep asking, you know -- ask my agents and managers to find me like a slasher movie. and they're like, really? sam, a slasher movie? so i asked eli roth to write me one. >> seth: oh, that would be good. >> hopefully he's doing it. >> seth: i think if you were in a slasher movie, we would want to see you be the one who eventually gets the slasher. i don't think we want to see you get slashed. >> no, man. i want to be there and not do al i don't want to go in the dark room. i don't want to go down in the basement. >> seth: you're going to be the common sense person in the slasher film. >> dude's gonna have to work to get me. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. gotcha. >> it's not going to be an easy job getting me. >> seth: okay, great. well, i will sign up for that. >> yeah, i wanted to be that. >> seth: when you're in that movie, i would love to go to the theater and watch it with you. >> excellent. >> seth: i'll pay for the popcorn. >> i'm looking forward to it. >> seth: all right, thank you. always great to see you. >> thank you, man. >> seth: samuel l. jackson, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] "miss peregrine's home for peculiar children" is in theaters september 30th. we'll be right back with cecily strong. [ cheers and applause ]
before taking his team to state for the first time... gilman: go get it, marcus. go get it. ...coach gilman used his cash rewards credit card from bank of america to earn 1% cash back everywhere, every time. at places like the batting cages. ? [ crowd cheers ] 2% back at grocery stores and now at wholesale clubs. and 3% back on gas. which helped him give his players something extra. the cash rewards credit card from bank of america. more cash back for the things you buy most. there's more than one route to the top. the lexus ls and lx. the ultimate in refinement, meets the ultimate in capability.
it's here. the amazing new iphone everyone's excited about. and t-mobile is the best place to get it. your iphone deserves a network built for unlimited data. so you can use your new iphone 7 to stream, watch and play as much as you want. all on america's fastest 4g lte network. and get 4 lines for just $35 per month each with unlimited everything from t-mobileone on the amazing new iphone 7. after dark, we come... the brave shirts and the still in work shirts, united against all dress codes. the glow gals, illuminated by a thousand likes. the lords of the playlist. the careless dancers. the coat check skippers. the midnight feasters. and the last train sprinters.
buy one take one is back at olive garden choose one delicious entr?e at our place and another for yours starting at $12.99 hurry in, offer ends sunday olive garden follow your own sense of style... because, you want to be confident. t.j.maxx really helped us express our creative side. that's the best part. you don't know what you're going to find. i always find great deals on shoes... purses... we're a team.
work on "saturday night live" which returns this saturday, with host margot robbie, and musical guest the weeknd. please welcome back to the show my very good friend cecily strong. ? [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: oh, cecily, how are you? >> i was hoping i would get that same video intro that >> seth: oh, really. you wanted that? >> he looked so cool. >> seth: he did look cool. and he had the nice contacts. but you looked very cool in a recent -- >> stop it. >> seth: no, no not now. >> okay. >> seth: you worked on scream -- >> "scream creans?" [ light laughter ] >> seth: it's called "scream kreens?" [ light laughter ] you were on "scream queens." >> you obviously watch it. >> seth: i'm a huge fan. [ laughter ] well, i set my tivo for "scream kreens" and i never get it. [ laughter ] >> i'm on both. >> seth: your on both. >> this season. i have a much bigger role on "scream kreens."
was not a werewolf, you had a werewolf condition. >> yes, yeah. and that distinction is more -- i am a b.f.a. actress. so that distinction is -- >> seth: so you have to go in and know whether or not you're a werewolf or just a person with a werewolf condition. what's the difference? >> you howl. i would act like a dog. i was a woman. >> seth: you were a woman. >> a woman with a disease. [ light laughter ] >> seth: and how long did it take you to get into make up? >> it took so long. the most wonderful make up people, but it was like 12 hours of being covered in hairpieces and lace. and i realize that i'm complaining about my dream job. i know i sound terrible. i'm a snob. i'm an awful person. >> seth: no this looks terrible. that looks terrible. [ laughter ] >> okay, i am allowed to complain? >> seth: i think even people that want to be actors are thinking, "i might say no to that." [ laughter ] >> okay, good. i didn't, because it's ryan murphy. you know. >> seth: exactly. and it seems like, you got a lollipop for your reward, so --
>> seth: that's how you got paid? oh, you need a new agent, cecily! >> is that bad? >> seth: that's bad. [ laughter ] i'm very excited snl is coming pack. you played malania trump last year. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: and she had an interesting summer as well. she had a big convention. but you have some sympathy for melania. >> i owe it to -- i think she never -- she didn't ask for any of it. her world is barron. >> seth: barron, her child. >> her child barron and gowns and being gorgeous and glamorous. >> seth: she didn't want to run for president. >> no, no, no. she's not running. >> seth: yeah. she just kind of goes along. >> if you watch her, even watching last night, couldn't effect her. like i couldn't read a thing on her. [ laughter ] like nothing. she was just there. [ laughter ] >> seth: you don't feel like she was nervous or jumpy? >> no, no. and i was glad she wasn't nervous. >> seth: yeah, she does look exactly the same all the time. >> always fabulous. >> seth: she does look like a million dollars, every time you see her. >> she is, that's a great way to
>> seth: you would go a billion? >> a billion dollars. >> seth: well you're closer to her. you've played her, so i'll go with you. >> we're good friends now. yeah. >> seth: oh, you are good friends now. that's exciting. so snl's coming back. and over the course of the summer this has sometimes happened for me. do you have people who pitch you ideas, sketch ideas? >> people do. and i guess during the year i get this weird mean edge that i shouldn't get, they don't deserve. where, sometimes people will send me ideas over facebook or something. and be like, "i have a skit idea for you. an antique exchange in scotland or something." and i'm like, you know what? i'm going to produce that. exactly what you just said. i'm gonna cast it perfectly. we're going to do this, and i want to show you what a bad idea that is. [ laughter ] and it's such a mean response for someone that means so well. that's a lesson they didn't need to be taught. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> and i don't know why i react so violently. >> seth: i think when you're in the weeds of a week at snl, the fact that somebody thinks they
>> yeah, yeah. >> seth: you were a fan of the show growing up though. >> i really was. i had -- we had a lot of vhs tapes and then i used to, in my rebellious years as well, i had -- i don't even know what they're called now but i had these sound bites on my computer? >> seth: like sound effects? >> i don't know. i know so little about computers now. so in 1995 i knew even less. th but it was like i had this sound effect of mike meyers saying, "like butter." "like butter." [ laughter ] and i prank called a woman one day and just played that over and over. [ laughter ] >> seth: just, "like butter." >> just, "like butter." >> seth: you didn't say it. >> i didn't. i just played that on my computer and then hung up and she called back because star 69 existed -- [ laughter ] and she said "i'm going to call the police.
and i ran out of my house and i sat in the park for hours convinced i was going to be arrested that day. >> seth: that's one of those cases where you almost want to say to the person, okay. call the police. >> i would do that now. >> seth: say somebody called and said, "like butter." >> prove it was me. >> steve: and see how many squad cars they send over. >> sounds like it was mike meyers, lady. wasn't me. [ laughter ] >> seth: were you the kind of person that would perform, do shows for your parents? i'm so glad that's as far as computers had gotten. >> seth: oh, they're not recorded? >> if the internet had been around, i would be such a miserable person. >> seth: cause there's no record? >> i'm humilliated by my own memories. >> seth: what sort of shows would you do? >> any time my parents had friends over i had to do a play. as if they were begging for it every time, and i was the one that left all of our answer machine messages in character. i did one as a scottish one.
even talk about just so you know. i did one that was like -- [ scottish accent ] "you reached --" [ laughter ] everything was like a mike myers character at some point. [ laughter ] and people heard that every time they left a message. >> seth: you have reached the strong residence? >> yeah, seth, okay? it's really tough to talk about. [ laughter and applause ] i said, "you've reached the scottish strongs." and then i think i said -- [ scottish accent ] "joan, turn off the music!" and probably no one laughed. [ laughter ] and they were probably just like, "oh, wow. that poor girl." [ laughter ] >> seth: they didn't even leave a message. >> no, i don't think they could. they're like, "i don't even know what to say now. i'm sorry." >> seth: look how far you have come though. >> that's true. >> seth: yeah, it all paid off. thanks so much for being cecily, i'm so excited. >> thanks for being cecily? >> seth: yeah, thanks for being cecily and also thanks for being here. [ laughter ] cecily strong everybody!
this saturday, with host margot robbie, and musical guest the weeknd. we'll be right back with spike feresten. thanks for being cecily. [ cheers and applause ] ? houses of jim beam thousands of barrels lay silent aging, building a fuller smoother flavor that only comes from being aged four long years at jim beam our history is made from the inside how will you make yours? poured over ice and serve with club soda and a fresh lemon wedge to make a crisp, refreshing jim beam apple and soda.
(alarm ringing) (reporter) crowds in midtown today mean only one thing. (announcer vo) every one is ready for the next gen iphone. (indistinct chattering) (announcer vo) and so is verizon with the only next gen network that lets you make the most of it. lte advanced delivers 50% faster peak speeds the next gen iphone deserves the next gen network. and right now get our best offer ever.
? [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest tonight, is an emmy-nominated writer, who's work includes, "saturday night live," "the late show with david letterman" and, "seinfeld." he hosts the esquire network series, "car matchmaker with spike feresten." which airs wednesday nights at 9:00 p.m.. please welcome to the show our friend spike feresten. [ cheers and applause ]
>> seth: you look sharp. >> thank you. >> seth: i feel like we're dressed very similar. >> i wanted to wear a matching suit. >> seth: thank you so much for doing that. >> thanks for having me on. >> seth: you are a matcher, because you have a show car matchmaker. >> yep. >> seth: and this is, this show, you want to set people up with the right car for them. this is tinder for cars. >> that's exactly right. i have owned a lot of cars in my life and in my personal life i have been helping people find cars for a long time. >> seth: so guests basically come on the show, and they tell you about themselves and you help make the match? >> i spend a little time getting to know them and then i pick three cars that will work perfectly in their life and we drive them and they pick one at the end. >> seth: now, your first car, you co-owned with your brother. >> that's right. >> seth: now, your brother. you're a feresten i love. you are not my favorite feresten, because your brother wally is our cue card guy. give it up for your brother, wally feresten right there. [ cheers and applause ] well lit. >> that is my brother.
he's a creep in the dark. [ laughter ] and what was your first car. what did you guys have? >> my dad bought us a 1971 ford torino 500, for 483 dollars. and it was both of our cars. we got to share it. wally, unfortunately, wrapped it around a telephone pole one week into ownership. [ laughter ] >> seth: early on, that's not great. >> early on yeah. >> seth: did you get in trouble right away. >> well, i didn't get in trouble. >> seth: oh, yeah. you just let him take it all.. >> yeah, the police were with home so i raced home to be in the kitchen for the show. >> seth: oh, gotcha, you're that kind of brother. [ laughter ] i was that kind of brother as well. >> i'm the older brother that's right. >> seth: now you have a lot of history in this building. you were an intern for snl you were an intern for letterman when he was here. and then you ended up writing on both of those shows, which is almost unheard of. certainly it happens but it's rare and you were a huge letterman fan yes. >> yeah, i was one of those obsessed letterman fans before i got into the business, and i got
and i'm not proud of this but i did something that i lived in fear of when i worked on the show that they would find out. i bet my friends $100 that i could get into the show. and when -- >> seth: not just sit in the audience, get on camera? >> get on camera and i was up there in this row and dave was at the monologue mark, and i was panicking a little bit like i'm trying to find my in. 'cause if i just run up i'm gonna get arrested. and dave said, we're gonna tonight sing "oh, canada." it was some canadian holiday so he said is there anybody in the he said, come on down. >> seth: i want to point out that you're not from canada. >> i'm not from canada. i'm from massachusetts. wally might be. [ laughter ] and i came down to the stage and i ran up and there i was. i ran up to the monologue mark. >> seth: this is a photo of your appearance right there. >> you found it, oh my god. yeah, there i am right there. >> seth: there you go. and so you were worried years later that they would remember you were a wierdo from the audience who pretended to be canadian. >> yes, every day that i worked for dave i was worried he would
that i did that. >> seth: and then you started a tradition. i did not realize that you started a tradition that i had been a beneficiary of, which is the "late night" pickle. explain the "late night" pickle. >> all right, the "late night" pickle was. when dave was leaving nbc and going to cbs, we had to move out of this building and across the street to the ed sullivan. and we were packing up one day and there was this giant pickle in the writers room. and it didn't fit into a box. >> seth: yeah, it's an unwieldy pickle. >> i don't know if you have it here. >> seth: i don't have it here, but you guys. pickle? >> well, instead of throwing it away, why don't we give it to conan o'brien as a welcoming gift from the writers of "late night with david letterman." >> seth: so you gave what everybody wants. a giant -- [ laughter ] a giant unwieldy pickle. >> yes, we sat it down but never expecting to ever hear anything since. conan suddenly puts it on tv. >> seth: yep. >> i know when fallon took over he was handed the pickle. i was at home in my underwear. when you suddenly raised this
this pickle and i tell you, it's in our office and we don't like it. [ laughter ] it takes up a lot of valuable office space here in new york city. but thank you, i'm so glad that you started it. >> i'm so happy that you still have it. >> seth: you were also a writer on, for my money, the greatest comedy of all time "seinfeld." >> oh, thank you. >> seth: and you wrote so many famous episodes. you wrote the soup nazi episode. >> i did. with help from the staff and larry of course. >> seth: of course there's always, the staff always pitches in on things. but you would take things from yoct and jiffy park, this is a thing that happened to you. >> yeah. that's right. this is when george had prostitutes having sex in his car. i used to store my jeep on the west side highway there because it was $200 a month. and one weekend i went to get inside the jeep, the doors didn't lock and there were used condoms everywhere. and you know, confused right? >> seth: somebody was taking car matchmaking to a whole other level. [ laughter ] >> well, all right.
and i'm like man, "excuse me, this is a little weird but i found a lot of used condoms in my car. i'd like to know what's going on." and he said, well -- just like the guy in the show he said "well, "buddy, there's prostitutes and your doors don't lock." and he goes, "what can i do?" and i said "well, you can stop them? [ light laughter ] i'm paying you money to stop them. and he said, "well you know what, take it up with consumer affairs." and that was the end of it. i was always just like, what a brilliant little ending for getting out of being a pimp. >> seth: being a comedy writer was part of you obviously upset people were having sex in your car. was another part of you so happy, knowing, "oh, i can use this." >> no. no, i was really upset. >> seth: just fully upset about the sex in the car part. >> yeah. it wasn't until i got to the show and i sat down with larry and jerry and they said, we'd rather you not make up stories, we'd rather you come in and tell stories. and i went oh, i've got a couple of those. this guy's a soup nazi. i had this boss that kind of danced funny, and did little
respect for him. [ laughter ] and, you know, and that, you know, it was a wonderful place to work and now when i see the episodes it's like revisiting a little part of my life. >> seth: it's fantastic. and i think that's why that show endures is that they are real stories. not things being made up. thank you so much for being here. >> thanks for having me. >> seth: congrats on the new show. spike feresten everybody, "car matchmaker" airs wednesday night's at 9:00 p.m. on the esquire network. we'll be right back. great job wally! [ cheers and applause ] ? i absolutely love my new york apartment, but the rent is outrageous. good thing geico offers affordable renters insurance. with great coverage it protects my personal belongings should they get damaged, stolen or destroyed. [doorbell] uh, excuse me. delivery. hey. lo mein, szechwan chicken, chopsticks, soy sauce and you got some fortune cookies. have a good one.
let geico help you with renters insurance. we didn't just break the mold. we made it. and we spelled it l-i-t-e. because when you invent light beer, you get to spell it however you want. spelled different because it's brewed different. what are these? what is it? duck lips. quack quack. plastic surgery duck! uh huh! you are a backwards duck. instead of quack, he says- pringles! ? ? ? one smart choice leads to the next. ? the new 2017 ford fusion is here. it's the beauty
?i live in a nameless town? ?in a black out? ?midnight where we used to dance? ?underneath the ugly halogen lamps? ?oh, it all went away so fast? ? ? dry spray? ? that's fun. ? it's already dry! no wait time. this is great. it's very soft. can i keep it? (laughter) all the care of dove... now in a dry antiperspirant spray. awarded best of beauty by allure. that's charmin ultra strong, dude. cleans so well, it keeps your underwear cleaner. so clean... you could wear them a second day.
enjoy the go with charmin. we are a military family. they travel a lot. every four years when we got re-stationed you think it's going to be the biggest change in your life but there's always more changes to come. the first thing that we would do when we would get into our new place was set up the beds. and when i go to t.j.maxx i buy good quality things that are going to last a long time. everything i get there, i get at a lower price. shopping at t.j.maxx is always like a bonding experience. discover real value worth sharing. i just think that home, it's wherever your family is. maxx life at t.j.maxx. one in
eight women will face breast cancer. early detection can mean the difference between life and death. planned parenthood gives new hampshire women access to life saving cancer screenings. but ayotte voted to defund planned parenthood six times. why? because ayotte opposes a woman's right to choose. in her relentless effort to overturn roe v. wade, ayotte puts critical cancer screenings at risk, hurting new hampshire women. kelly ayotte:
for the content of this advertising. with
this level of engineering... it's a performance machine. with this degree of intelligence... it's a supercomputer. with this grade of protection... it's a fortress. and with this standard of luxury... it's an oasis. introducing the completely redesigned e-class. it's everything you need it to be... and more.
brian dreamed of flying to san francisco jetblue card, he got there faster than expected. brian company. >>so you have no idea whatsoever? brian company. fly faster than you think. get three times points on jetblue purchases, two times at restaurants and grocery stores, and one time on all other purchases.
the thermals are going to rock teragram ballroom out in los angeles. our spotlight tonight is the film maker behind "the hurt business." his name's vlad yudin, more on that later but first. one of our favorites lisa ling returns to the show to talk about season three of her eye opening documentary series. it's called "this is life." let's go to surly goat now for more. ? >> i've always been a little notorious for having a bit of a potty mouth. once i got called in to my sixth grade teacher's classroom because i was cussing too much, and he said, "who the [ bleep ] taught her?" you know? the kinds of people i do stories on, like you know, i was with the "mongols biker club" you know. and i'm constantly around incarcerated people, so you know we can't exactly say, you know, "watch your language." ? hi, i'm lisa ling i'm a journalist and host and executive producer of "this is life" on cnn. >> i'm more of a friend, than i