tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC December 21, 2015 10:34pm-11:37pm CST
york city, it's "the tonight show starring tonight, join jimmy and his esta noche, unase jimmy y sus guests -- invitados kelly ripa, kelly ripa adele, adele, and featuring the legendary y presentar legendary roots roots crew. crew. >> questlove: 25, whoo! >> !questlove: whoo! de 25 >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon!
[ cheers and applause ] welcome. welcome to "the tonight show." this is it. you made it. it's happening. [ cheers and applause ] that's for sure. we're here. show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] that's right, we thought we would do everyone a service and help them get their crying out before thanksgiving. [ laughter and applause ] in fact, i made sure that i didn't cry. i spent all morning watching the budweiser ad with the horse [ laughter ] i got nothing left. let's get to some news, here. in a speech last week, bernie sanders called for a new global alliance with russia and the middle east to fight threats around the world. and people said, "you mean like russia and the middle east?" [ laughter and applause ] two biggest threats. start there. start there. what are you talking about? over on the republican side, ted cruz's campaign announced that it's going to launch a a national prayer team next month where people will pray
then god said, "oh, i tuned out of this thing weeks ago." [ laughter and applause ] don't worry about it. prayer team. listen to this. in a recent interview, donald trump's daughter ivanka said that her father loves eating at mcdonald's. it makes sense considering the mcflurry is also what trump asks for when he goes to the barber. [ laughter and applause ] "make it look like a storm, like a sand storm or a winter blizzard or something. a mcflurry. i can't see anything. i want to look like it's constantly moving." [ laughter ] one of those magic eye posters. if you stare at it long enough, it moves. of course, this thursday is thanksgiving, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] right? this thursday, already. >> steve: i know. it's crazy. >> jimmy: i thought this was interesting. it's also a big day for running. yeah, in the u.s., there's more
other day. marking the one time on thanksgiving where it's safe for you and your family to talk about how many races there are in the u.s. [ laughter and applause ] i'll tell ya. seems like everybody is getting excited about the new "star wars" movie. yeah, but -- [ cheers and applause ] me, too. but get this. in a recent interview, movie. he said it felt like breaking up with somebody. felt even more like a breakup when yoda handed him a box and said, "my cds i want back." [ laughter and applause ] you want back your cds? let's get to some sports you guys. nfl commissioner roger goodell recently said that he hopes to grow the league internationally and wants teams to play in mexico next year. yeah, i can see he looked at all the legal trouble players are having right here in the states. he said, "you know what would fix things? mexico." that would be great. [ laughter and applause ] that would be great. i just read that mark zuckerberg announced he's is going to take two months of paternity leave after his wife has their first child. marking the first time someone's had a baby and tried
[ laughter and applause ] another picture of a baby. another baby. speaking of kids, i saw that prince william and kate recently made plans for their baby daughter princess charlotte to join the girl scouts when she turns five. that's how good girl scouts cookies are. even royalty is like, we need someone on in the inside. [ laughter ] make sure i get my thin mints. immediately! >> steve: thin mints. >> jimmy: they're good. that's right, william and kate arranged for their daughter charlotte to join the girl scouts. that's right, she'll learn how to survive all those tough situations she'll never be in. [ laughter and applause ] you earned your waving badge, honey. did you guys hear about this, that guy, you know. he's an astrophysicist, yeah. he recently explained how astronauts could have sex in space. [ cheers ] he said it would involve leather straps. [ laughter and applause ] when asked if the leather
together during sex, he said, "sure, they could use that, too, i guess, i don't know." [ laughter and applause ] that's right. neil degrasse tyson said sex in space would involve a lot of straps and a really awkward float of shame back to your pod. [ laughter and applause ] where were you last night? finally, this is going viral this week. a kid in ireland wrote a letter to santa claus to ask for the video game "grand theft auto v." and one of the things he said was pretty funny in his letter. watch this. >> the boy named rory wrote down ten items for santa and one of them was "grand theft auto v." >> yeah, but rory wants santa to know he's going to be a good boy with his game. he says, quote, "i just want to play with the cars, not the hookers." [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: he wants to play with the cars, not the hookers. hopefully, he gets his wish. we have a great show. give it up for the roots, everybody.
>> jimmy: it's monday! we are so excited to be back. we have a fun week of shows coming up. tim allen and nathan lane will be joining us. [ cheers and applause ] nathan and i are going to play a new game called "kid dictionary." then thursday, we're spending thanksgiving with our pals queen latifah, rashida jones, and chef daniel humm. [ cheers and applause ] don't wanna miss that. but first we love it when this woman can spend some time with us. from "live! with kelly and michael," kelly ripa is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] she is so much fun. oh, i love her. plus, i mean, i just love this person's face. i mean, come on, look at this. [ cheers and applause ] her album "25" is shattering, shattering sales records. she's the biggest star in the world right now. we love her.
[ cheers and applause ] she was great on "saturday night live." >> steve: she was fantastic. >> jimmy: she's doing a a brand-new, a brand-new song tonight. she and i are going to talk, we're going to play a game of "box of lies." [ cheers ] and like i said, she's going to perform a new song from "25" to close out the show. you don't want to miss one second of this show. it's going to be fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] if i had -- i would put that face on the front and back cover, too. it's a great face. a great face. right? >> steve: it's so fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: guys, every year -- every year, a bunch of new words get added to the dictionary. but what you may not know is to some existing words. >> steve: really? i did not know that. >> jimmy: yeah, i'll show you what i mean in a second in a a segment we call "tonight show dictionary."
dictionary tonight show dictionary >> jimmy: our first word tonight is karaoke. the definition for that is, a a form of entertainment often found in bars and clubs. the new definition for karaoke is the japanese word for drunk people scream- singing bon jovi. [ cheers and applause ] we're halfway there whoo-aa next up is money. that's defined as an item accepted as payment for goods or services. the new definition is, the thing rihanna's bitch better have. [ cheers and applause ] would be nice if she did have it. >> steve: yeah. if she doesn't, i could understand. >> jimmy: sort of a nice way to put it. it's question, almost. >> steve: bitch, you better have my money. >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] no problem. i'll get it as soon as i possibly can. >> steve: thank you very much. >> jimmy: i appreciate the heads up. >> steve: you're quite welcome. can i buy you some tea? >> jimmy: yeah, simple.
the definition is enzyme found in turkeys that can make you feel drowsy or sluggish. the new definition of tryptophan is ben carson's blood type. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: really? >> jimmy: it's okay. it's okay to make fun of him because there's no way he's awake right now. >> steve: yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the next word is pumpkin beer. defined as a seasonal ale or lager brewed with a taste of real pumpkin. the new definition is, as in who wants these 800 unsold cases of pumpkin beer? [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: eww. >> jimmy: why did we do this again? >> steve: mm, squash lager. >> jimmy: next up there's hanukkah. the original definition is a a jewish holiday that lasts eight days. new definition, a jewish holiday that's spelled eight ways. [ laughter and applause ] want to use an h? >> steve: sure. >> jimmy: can i spell it with a a ch? >> steve: sure. >> jimmy: why not? we don't care. >> steve: want to throw an apostrophe in there, why not? love it. >> jimmy: go for it, man.
the definition is a machine that blasts air at leaves to clear them. new definition is a machine that moves leaves from your yard to your neighbor's yard. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: i can't hear you. >> jimmy: how you doing, gary? good morning. >> steve: want some pumpkin beer? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: there's zucchini ale down in the basement if you want to have one later. >> steve: no, i'm good. >> jimmy: want to have a warm one later? >> steve: no, i'm good. >> jimmy: the fridge is broke. so i'm drinking warm zucchini beer in my basement. [ light laughter ] [ inaudible ] next entry is holiday popcorn tins. the definition for that is a a common holiday gift that involves three different flavors of popcorn. new definition is, one section of caramel corn and two sections of delicious stale crap. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: oh, what is this, butter? >> jimmy: cheesy stale crap. that's butter stale crap. they last until february. >> steve: oh, yeah. >> jimmy: it's great. >> steve: last all year long. >> jimmy: next word is turducken. that's defined as a chicken stuffed into a duck stuffed into a turkey.
chris christie's version of a a russian nesting doll. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: that's not -- no, that's not true. >> steve: he's the governor of new jersey. >> jimmy: give him a break. it's the holidays. >> steve: rude. >> jimmy: next word is war. definition for that is a state of escalating tensions between various nations or states. new definition for war is, what some people call it when starbucks makes a paper cup without snowflakes on it. [ cheers and applause ] i have had enough. >> steve: i am done! >> jimmy: i will have a venti. what is the size again? year? >> steve: a new size? >> steve: right. >> steve: trenta. >> jimmy: trenta. >> steve: trenta, which is 30. >> jimmy: god. >> steve: can i get a trenta of the pumpkin beer? >> jimmy: trenta. next entry is gift cards. definition for that is a a prepaid credit card that can be used as an alternative to cash. new definition is a gift that basically means, "merry christmas.
you." [ laughter and applause ] go to amazon, go for it. get your own present. >> steve: dig it, man. go to target, and go to town, man. finally, the last word is turkey. that's defined as traditional main course on thanksgiving. new definition is, breakfast, lunch, and dinner the five days after thanksgiving. [ cheers and applause ] that is all for "the tonight show" dictionary. we'll be back with kelly ripa and adele, ladies and gentlemen.
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paris: there's a lot to do on a dairy farm. nobody's gonna do it for you. you have to get out there and do it yourself. bernie sanders is a well-known friend
of family farms. bernie cannot be bought out by big money. bernie's opinion cannot be purchased. it's time for our next president to get in there, roll up his sleeves, take off the gloves, and take on wall street, take on big business, take on big money, and get the working class back to where they should be. he's a rock. sanders: i'm bernie sanders and i approve this message. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, good to see you,
good to see you, frank. looking good, buddy. our first guest is a four-time daytime emmy award-winner and one half of the very popular syndicated morning show "live! with kelly and michael." she's kelly. please welcome our good friend, the oh so lovely kelly ripa! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey! kelly ripa. look at you. you look gorgeous. welcome back to the show. what's going on? >> hello. >> jimmy: no, no, no, no. no. >> jimmy. >> jimmy: no, she's coming on later. >> no, i can't. i can't. i cannot. >> jimmy: you don't have to do it. adele is doing it. >> i wanted to give everybody a a preview. >> jimmy: thank you so much. i appreciate that. >> i'm so excited.
a thousand -- i listened to it a thousand times yeah, i can't help it. >> i can't help it. just look at her. all right, bye, guys. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: just look at her. yeah. she's just the coolest. >> it's so funny. i've never had so many people excited to pretend that they're coming to see me here, but really they're here to see adele. >> jimmy: i've gotten it all day, yeah. >> no, it's all day long. i came with an entourage. i don't have an entourage. >> jimmy: no, you never come with an entourage. >> i have one today. >> jimmy: they all want to see adele. >> yeah. >> jimmy: everyone, they're here to see you, though as well. [ cheers and applause ] we are. i am. i am. >> we don't -- guys, i think we can all agree, we're all here to see adele. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wait. >> i love seeing you -- >> jimmy: thank you. >> i can see you any time i want. adele is like -- >> jimmy: yeah, but the roots are there as well. >> the roots are great. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what was that? >> questlove: we're only taking this job because of adele.
>> jimmy: they want to see adele as well. yeah. >> i offered to sing with them. they're like, "we're gonna wait for the next guest." that's what they said. >> jimmy: a lot of things to talk to you about. >> yes. >> jimmy: i gotta say congratulations, pal. look at this. >> oh, thanks. >> jimmy: you've got a star on the walk of fame. [ cheers and applause ] is that you posing there or do you just fall very gracefully? >> i fell down. >> jimmy: very gracefully. >> i fell down in my dress. >> jimmy: oops, i just fell. >> oh, no, i fell down. it's so funny. i'm right next to regis's star, so i like, i splayed out like a a star in between the two stars. >> jimmy: you can touch it? >> i can touch his star from mine. >> jimmy: fantastic. what a big deal though. >> it was fun. it was like -- it was one of these weird things where you feel like you're attending kind of your own funeral, 'cause they go through it all, and they talk about how wonderful you were. and you know, i'm like, "oh, i'm still alive." >> jimmy: it's not over, yeah. i've got more things to do. >> and my parents came. my parents, they never fly. they never get on an airplane. they've never been to california.
>> jimmy: got to hang out with your parents. >> i got to hang out with my parents. >> jimmy: that's fun. >> they're really funny. in the car ride over, i was so nervous that i did not write a a speech. i thought, i'm going to speak from my heart and just like tell everybody what they've meant to me for the thousand years i've been in show business. and as i'm in my head trying to think of what to say, my mom says, "you know, we almost named you star." and i'm like, "what?" and then my mom and my dad -- >> jimmy: you didn't know this? >> no. i've never heard this before. my mom and my dad start ping-ponging all of the names they almost named me. >> jimmy: where were you sitting? where were you sitting? >> i was in the back seat. my mom was next to me, my dad was on the other side, and mark was in the front seat. the kids were in the very back seat. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so it's like seven of us. and i'm sitting there -- >> jimmy: and you're stuck between them. >> my dad goes, "well, i wanted to name you columbina, because you were born close to columbus day." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: columbina? >> i'm not kidding. and then my mom goes, "but i
way. we both kind of liked curry, the spice, but it's hard to say with ripa." curry ripa. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i like curry or columbina is pretty good. >> i texted mark, i was like, please make them stop. please make them stop. >> jimmy: you look like a a kelly. maybe i'm just so used to you as being kelly ripa. >> well, when they told me that they -- i was like, "well, how did you come up with kelly?" and she goes, "well, we both didn't hate that." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: pull over. pull over and let me out. pick me up later. i'll walk. >> i'll walk to hollywood boulevard. it's fine, i'll walk there. >> jimmy: did you ever want to change your mind? i know a lot of the girls -- >> when i was in -- when i was in second grade and everybody was calling me smelly kelly with peanut butter and jelly in her belly. [ laughter ] i was like, maybe i'll change my name. but it's just -- i'm too lazy. i got distracted. >> jimmy: yeah, and it works. now look at who has smelly kelly with peanut butter and jelly in her belly. [ cheers and applause ]
kelly with peanut butter and jelly in her belly. are you psyched for thanksgiving? what are you doing? >> i'm psyched, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: are you gonna see the parents again? >> the parents are coming. mark's parents, my parents. >> jimmy: both parents. >> the nieces are coming. all the additional, like, my sister-in-law is coming, our friends who don't have family in the city, they're coming. >> jimmy: that's fun. >> yeah, it's fun. we always play -- do you ever play the white elephant game where you put all the presents in the center of the table. >> jimmy: no. >> so, i put these presents in the center of the table every year. >> jimmy: okay. >> and some of them are valuable. most of them are not. a lot of them are like, you know, nonsense. >> jimmy: a broken remote control or something? >> exactly. and so everybody goes around the table. and you can either pick a a present and unwrap it or the person that goes after you can either steal your present or pick a brand-new present. so everybody is so polite, right? they're all so polite. and anderson cooper was there, and he chose a great prize.
this is actually great for him. it's a remote battery that you can listen to a two-way radio. you can plug -- charge your phone from it. like one of those hand crank things. >> jimmy: so at the end of the world you're there -- >> right. right. >> jimmy: with your radio fine. [ laughter ] >> and he's always in some war-torn country. >> jimmy: yes. >> i'm like, that is great, anderson. >> jimmy: what a great gift. >> and my mom goes, "i'll steal anderson's gift." and i was like, "what are you doing?" >> jimmy: right. what are you gonna do with that, mom? >> you don't leave new jersey. why? >> jimmy: but now i can. i want to. i have a hand crank radio. >> so then he picks -- he gets to pick another gift. so, he picks another gift and it's a "live! with kelly and michael" mug. it's like this but it says "live! with kelly and michael." >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then my dad steals that from him. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: your dad, he doesn't have one? >> i'm sure he's got 30 of them. [ laughter ] my parents have ones that say "live with regis and kelly." my mom still calls the show "live with regis and kathie lee." >> jimmy: oh, my gosh, mom. [ laughter ] >> she does. >> jimmy: it's years later,
>> she does. if you ask her what, she's like, "oh, my daughter is kelly on 'live! with regis and [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you ask my mom who her favorite is, she says, it's jimmy kimmel. thanks mom. [ laughter ] >> can't wait for the holidays. >> jimmy: you guys, kelly ripa. catch her show, "live! with kelly and michael" weekday mornings. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with the one and only adele.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: one of my favorite covers ever. that's a great cover. yeah, yeah, yeah. we're joined right now by an academy award, golden globe, and multiple grammy award-winning artist.
her new album, "25", is the fastest selling record since they started tracking album sales in 1991. please welcome adele! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so much to talk about. i'm so happy you're here. oh, my gosh. >> i love you. >> jimmy: i love you. >> i love you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we got to say i love you to each other. 'cause, yeah i got to see you the other night, a special we taped for nbc at radio city.
>> like a penguin. >> jimmy: i looked like a a penguin. [ light laughter ] i was in a texudo. yeah, and i dressed for the occasion. yeah. >> and i creeped up behind you and started saying i love you like a weirdo. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i didn't know where you were. and i was about to introduce you. you were like, "i love you." [ laughter ] i thought it was just like the voice of god, i'm just hearing things. oh, adele's telling me that she loves me. i turned around, oh, hi. then i just felt odd. >> you were lovely. thank you. >> jimmy: oh really? oh good. you were phenomenal that night, and you were great on "snl," by the way. >> thank you. >> jimmy: fantastic job on "saturday night live." [ cheers and applause ] i loved after you sang -- you did "hello" and when it was done, you looked at the camera like -- [ laughter ] that's over with. >> yeah, i was so nervous. that show is so live. >> jimmy: it is really live. >> it's like really, actually live. >> jimmy: really live. actually, actually live. >> it scares me. >> jimmy: it does, yeah. because you think you're going to hit a wrong note or crack. >> you think something is going to go wrong.
and nothing did. >> nothing did, thank god. >> jimmy: you had the great adele face at the end face at the end, where you're like -- [ laughter ] >> i had no idea i was still being filmed. i got home, my friends in england sent me a vine of me going -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so good. it's fantastic. i gotta say, the album is great. obviously getting crazy good reviews. congrats on this. every -- [ cheers and applause ] it took a while to get this going. and then you actually got a a bunch of tracks. you played it for rick rubin first? >> yeah and my manager, obviously, and we played it and you know, they just weren't feeling it. >> jimmy: yeah, rick rubin said -- he said no. >> he said i don't believe you. he wasn't being mean. he was like, "if you want to put this out, then put it out, but i don't believe you." he was a huge part to do with my second album, "21." >> jimmy: he's just a magical dude, rick rubin. >> he is. >> jimmy: just kind of floats through the room. [ light laughter ] >> literally. he's like floating. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. so for him to say, i just don't believe anything you're saying, you go, what? >> i didn't really believe him.
>> jimmy: you didn't? >> it was just songs. it wasn't a record, it was just a song i was writing for a a record. >> jimmy: are those songs away or did you change them and make them into these? >> no, they're away. they're hiding. they've been banished, they're not allowed. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they've been banished far away. yeah. >> they weren't good enough. >> jimmy: every appearance, are you going to do a different song when you go out? >> yeah, i'm going to try to, just to keep it, like, fun for everyone. i don't want to do the same song like 20 times. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. well, you're going to have to, right? >> so, you know, i make records. i don't really want to be about singles or anything. >> jimmy: that's the fun thing i found. i started getting into vinyl, which is what this is, kids. [ laughter ] vinyl. it's a record. >> and cds. >> jimmy: and cds as well. >> don't forget about cds. >> jimmy: and when you listen to it, there it is. you hear the other songs as well. it's not just one -- [ british accent ] now i'm starting to get an accent. [ laughter ] listen to one, and then you get another one as well. [ laughter ] it's a great thing. >> you sound like russell brand. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry. russel brand, my twin brother.
[ laughter ] but yeah, i think it's fun. and it's good that, like you said, thank you for having me back in your lives. you have artists where you just go, i miss them. i mean, i remember like the radio stations i listened to played one of your songs and your label is like, we don't release that as a single. they go, we don't care. we just want adele. we want a new adele song. we're missing her. we waited for you. now you're back. do you have someone you miss and you say, i'm looking forward to that? >> yeah, i was excited last night, because there's teasers for rihanna's new record. and i'm on the edge. living life on the edge, waiting for it, in a good way. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, no. >> i'm the biggest riri fan. i love her. i'm very excited for that record. and obviously, frank ocean. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> i don't know even know where he's gone. >> jimmy: where is frank ocean? he's perfectly hiding. >> come back. >> jimmy: he's perfectly hiding, waiting to come back. everyone is happy that you're here and you're doing every single song, we listen, a
the one you're doing tonight is "water under the bridge" and it's a new song. you know what's funny. look how innocent and beautiful this face is. [ light laughter ] but you know, i think that maybe you have a darker side, that maybe you might be, you know a double life. [ laughter ] >> manic-depressive. >> jimmy: maybe you are -- are you a good liar? >> yeah, i'm a great liar. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: well i'm about to put you to the rest there, pal. >> okay. >> jimmy: i'm going to play a a game with you called "box of lies." [ cheers and applause ] adele and i are playing "box of lies" after the break. stick around, everybody.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. i'm here with adele. and we're about to face off in a game -- [ laughter ] about to face off in a game called "box of lies." [ cheers and applause ] now, here's how it works. up stage are a bunch of boxes containing objects neither of us have seen before. adele and i are going to take turns selecting a box and opening it, on our
side of the box, out of view of the other
once you remove the object from the box, you show it to the audience, then you look at your opponent and tell them what's in your box. you might be a lying, you might be telling the truth. your opponent has to guess either lie or truth. [ light laughter ] if you guess correctly, you get a point. if you guess wrong, the other person gets a point.
the first to two wins. adele is our honored guest. why don't you take the first box? >> mm-hmm. yes, i will. >> jimmy: oh, one. [ cheers and applause ] two. >> jimmy: okay. hint. it looks very light. >> i have been waiting my whole life to do this. >> jimmy: this is it, the big deal. >> it was either this or the [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: there's always next time, yeah. you look confused. [ light laughter ] very confused. all right. okay. i have beside me, on my
>> jimmy: uh-huh. >> t. rex. >> jimmy: okay. >> dressed up. >> jimmy: the dinosaur. mm-hmm. >> dressed up. >> jimmy: dressed up? okay, dressed up dinosaur. >> a fairy. >> jimmy: a fairy? >> uh-huh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. so it's a t. rex dressed up as a fairy. you did this. the t. rex's arms are like this. >> fairies have wings. [ laughter ] you have a daughter, you should know this. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. two babies, and yeah. never seen a dinosaur dressed as a fairy. of course, we can do anything on our show. it's possible, but i'm going to say adele, you lie. >> i lie. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's tricky. ooh, i get where you're going with that. that was tricky.
>> jimmy: it was a t. rex and you tried to trick me. but i could tell you were lying. all right, guys, which one? five. i got five. [ laughter ] oh boy, oh boy. so heavy. [ laughter ] ooh, chihuahua. of course. [ laughter ] >> this better not be a joke on me. >> jimmy: no, no, no. okay. all right. all right. in my box. >> yeah.
[ laughter ] it's a g.i. joe doll, but made into a santa claus. and thrown at him, maybe a a candy cane chinese star. that is going to maybe hurt santa, but we shall see. maybe they'll sell this holiday season. i don't know. >> it's a g.i. joe. >> jimmy: g.i. joe doll, dressed as -- >> santa. with a what? >> jimmy: it's a -- [ light laughter ] i think it's a chinese throwing star being thrown at him. [ light laughter ] >> a chinese throwing star? >> jimmy: but it's made out of candy canes. >> okay. >> jimmy: a star, you know. ever seen a bruce lee movie? >> no, i don't know if these exist where i come from. [ laughter ] and what, it could be serious? >> jimmy: i don't see it being a big selling toy this christmas, but you never know. kids like violence these days. who knows? maybe i'm lying. >> i'm going to say that you're lying. you lie. >> jimmy: i do lie.
this is a nose. [ laughter ] [ applause ] it's a nose. i'm so sorry. this is like -- i didn't want to be grabby on the thing. i can't even do this. [ laughter ] they're all noses. noses. i didn't know what that was. [ laughter ] so, we're tied. >> we're even. >> jimmy: we're even. whoever wins this one is the winner and the champion, and oh my gosh and the bragging rights and all that stuff. >> okay. what number? [ audience yelling ] >> jimmy: it doesn't matter! [ laughter ] i'm going to win anyway. ooh, very light. >> very light. >> jimmy: yeah, very light. throwing it around like it's nothing. ooh, but then you put it down and it's loud. maybe it's heavy. it's a plate. it's ceramic. [ laughter ] all these hints. i'm getting all these hints. you're giving me all these
duh-duh-duh duh-duh. deedle-dee dee dee. duh-duh-duh duh-duh. duh-duh doo. >> i have in my box a giraffe. >> jimmy: giraffe. >> wearing three doughnuts. [ laughter ] around its neck. >> jimmy: all right. a giraffe. >> mm-hmm. [ cockney accent ] >> jimmy: free doughnuts. [ laughter ] >> free doughnuts. 'at's right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a giraffe. he's got one cinnamon. [ light laughter ] >> yeah. a giraffe with doughnuts 'round his neck. >> jimmy: a giraffe with doughnuts on his head. one, two, three of them. >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: you're telling the truth. >> bitch. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: what did you just call me?
[ cheers and applause ] adele is performing a brand new song after the break. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] fact you won't find the brand pharmacists recommend most for cold and flu relief at the shelf. advil cold & sinus is only behind the pharmacy counter. ask your pharmacist for fast, powerful advil cold & sinus.
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what do you think they want? i don't know, but they look amazing. oh, you know what i was thinking? it's almost christmas! oh! yes! that's what all the lights are for, that's why they're dressed this way! and! where did you guys get your clothes? old navy. you know we've done like, zero christmas shopping. - zero shopping. - what are we going to do? we have to go shopping now. you should go, the entire store is up to 75% off. his hat was only three bucks. in order for us to go to old navy, you have to get off our lawn. we have another song! no, no... - come on let's go. - ok! we're testing hanes underwear and socks with x-temp technology. hey dad! emily? ready? no! wait! slow down a little! oow! it's designed to keep help keep you cool. hanes revolutionary x-temp technology.
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me then how come i can bring you to your knees if you're not the one for me why do i hate the idea of being free and if i'm not the one for you you've gotta stop holding me the way you do oh honey if i'm not the one for you why have we been through what we have been through it's so cold out here in your wilderness i want you to be my keeper but not if you are so reckless if you're gonna let me
pretend that you don't want me our love ain't water under the bridge if you're gonna let me down let me down gently don't pretend that you don't want me our love ain't water under the bridge oh say that our love ain't water under the bridge what are you waiting for you never seem to make it through the door and who are you hiding from it ain't no life to live like you're on the run have i ever asked for much the only thing that i want is your love if you're gonna let me down let me down gently don't
want me our love ain't water under the bridge if you're gonna let me down let me down gently don't pretend that you don't want me our love ain't water under the bridge oh say that our love ain't water under the bridge it's so cold in in in in your wilderness i want you to be my but not if you are so reckless ooh if you're gonna let me down let me down gently don't pretend that you don't want me our love ain't water under the bridge
down let me down gently don't pretend that you don't want me our love ain't water under the bridge oh oh say it ain't so say it ain't so say it ain't so say it ain't so say that our love ain't water under the bridge oh say it ain't so say it ain't so say that our love ain't water under the bridge say that our love ain't water under the bridge [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, come on! that's what i'm talkin' about! hey! "water under the bridge." adele! "25" is on itunes now. and cds and vinyl. we'll be right back, everybody.