tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC August 8, 2009 12:05am-1:05am EDT
the big eat tiny price menu. only at pizza hut. >> time now for tonight's "closing argument." fo senate adjourned today for its august recess, joining house members who headed home a week ago. in their home states and tuentscts await constituents ready to sound off at town hall thetings about healthcare formrm. and from coast-to-coast, angry americans are lining up.
thei want you to answer the question! is the money coming out of my paycheck? payc >> they decided we're stupid. >> i don't want the government to do it for me. rance, ahealth insurance, and it pays for it? it. don't like it. >> just say no! red ony americans appeared to seslike the democrats' proposed healthcare plan, but they're not necessarily happy with republicans either. so tonight we ask, is the anger at these forums coming from an isolated group of extremists or ri they represent a majority tssatisfaction with the rm?posed healthcare reform? byl us what you think by clicking on the "nightline" page at abcnews.com. for all of us at abc news, good aniht, mechanic. have a terrific weekend. >> long-awaited madden nfl 10
with a new feature this year called everything you seeon sunday. if you see it on sunday, you'll see it on madden nfl 10, the suain gang rushing in to measure ngr a first down, and an amazing toadcast presentation that makes players feel the emotion foe.he nfl like never before. madden nfl 10 is in stores ingust 14th, but we're giving to lucky pedestrian a chance to .in it tonight. wiusin sal is out on street with usinis that gentleman, cousin sal? >> jack. ck?your name is jack? >> zach with a "z." >> you don't look like a zach. f think of zach, i think of ll."ed by the bell." >> not quite. >> you look like a yak actually. all right, zach, were you sstening to everything i said about madden nfl 10? did.es, i did. a> i'm going to ask you a question about it, if you answer theht, you get a copy of the game. wut if you get it wrong, you win
s chance to make out with this cheerleader, right? when i say, "make out," i mean t.ke out. ight.l right. >> zach, do you agree with the terms of the deal? >> yes. >> what is the name of the e onure that promises you see on sunday you'll see it in madden nfl 10? >> everything you see on sunday. >> that is exactly right, zach. there we go. >> announcer: madden nfl 10, fight for every yard, in stores 14th.y, august 14th. >> imagine driving by and seeing that. that ojimmy kimmel live!" back in two mi minutes with rachel nichols, and and doug benso quentin tarantino. [cheers and plap aause]
>>nnouncer: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight quentin tarantino. from "g.i. joe: the rise of cobra," rachel nichols! and comedian doug benson! >> ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live!" ♪ >> and now once more here's jimmy kimmel! >> welcome to the show. hey, let's change things up a little tonight. this time you tell the jokes and
i'll laugh just to be polite. >> do it. >> i hate to start the show this way, but some disturbing news tonight surrounding the death of tv pitchman billy mays. you know this guy with the oxy clean? the coroner in florida announced cocaine playing a role in his death, possibly a starring role in his death. i have to say hindsight is 20/20 vision, but when you look back at the commercials he did right before he passed away, you can kind of tell that something was up. [speaking very fast] >> it seemed like he was going a little faster than normal, right? that's one of the signs. as the world is now aware, "american idol" next season will go on without paula abdul. her manager -- [audience reacts] her manager walked away from the negotiating table thihis week because she supposedly wanted $20 million a year.
paula told the associated press today "at this point there are many wonderful things being offered to me." of course there are. she knows that val pack coupon envelope you get in the mail goes to everyone. she's right, there are a lot of openings for crazy women right now. gosselin girlfriend, octomom nanny, governor of alaska is open. you know, you don't hear much about goldmining anymore, but yesterday our governor, arnold schwarzenneger, signed a bill that will bann goldminers from using gas-powered tools to look for gold in rivers. once again, it's arnold versus the machines. apparently the new restrictions on gold digging were put in place to protect salmon, but strongly opposed by powerful mining companies and by heather mills. the governator released this video today explaining his decision to sign the bill, which actually if you listen to him makes a lot of sense. >> hello.th rzenngeer thnoth atherca
helifornia report. as you know, i've been in movies like "conan the bar berrian," atth.naretu." and other films of panning for gold is safer for the envi on. alyssa milano played by daughter in the movie "commando." i wonder what she's up to. thank you for listening and thank you for watching my movies on tv and laser disc. [applause] >> our governor used to be in film. >> yeah. >> another great episode of "maury povich" last night. i love it when he does the paternity test, but the best is when he helps people confront their fears. this is a woman named deborah. deborah is afraid of
caterpillars. god bless maury povich, all the man wants to do is help. >> he got something in his pocket? get the hell outta here! [bleep] i swear to god, [bleep] [bleep]! >> where is she? >> agh! >> deborah! >> oh, my goodness, what are the odds they would have two heaping platters of caterpillars on set? so she's cured. [laughter] there's a lot more work to be done, including for this young woman, named emily, her unusual fear is the fear of cotton ball. >> objection you know you have to confront your phobia now. this is the famous "maury show"
cotton ball man. ♪ >> at least they give her a reason to be scared of cotton. sotimes the balls come together to form a man who chases you. [laughter] to me that's a perfectly reasonable thing to be afraid of. >> of course. >> this is a story that could only come from our crazy easiest state, florida. the south florida ""sun-sentinel"" that is this story about keith griffin, charged with 10 counts of possession of child pornography. police found it on his computer, and he's blaming his cat. he told detectives that the cat would jump on the keyboard and somehow that would download child pornography. actually had a similar problem with my cat, but what i -- what i finally did was i filled a little spray bottle with water, and every time he logged on to a file-sharing service and downloaded objectionable
materials from a approximatey server i would spray him in the face. he stopped after a couple of weeks. it sounds like the most ridiculous excuse. turns out it may have been a big misunderstanding. he wasn't downloading kiddy porn. his cat was downloading kitty with "t." >> ♪ i love porno ♪ i love porno ♪ hard-core por ♪ yeah i love it so much ♪ i love porno ♪ i love porno [cheers and applause] >> might be time to get that cat fixed. [applause] the new "g.i. joe" movie opens this weekend. we have one of the stars of that film rachel nichols here as a guest tonight. [cheers and applause] and we are lucky enough to hav another one of the stars working here at the show, our very own
security guard guillermo. how did the movie come out, guillermo? >> it was great. >> was it a pleasure experience making it? >> yes. >> how did you like working with the director? >> what's his name? >> we'll come back in a minute. definitely check it out this weekend. in the meantime here's a little bit of guillermo in "g.i. joe: the rise of cobra." >> technically this unit doesn't exist but if it did it wee comprised of the best operatives in the world. >> whew! >> when all else fails, they don't. >> i want in! >> oh, it is too tight, i shouldn't have eaten those last 14 tacos! agh!
>> we're running out of time. eject! >> yeah, we're running out of time, eject! i am ejected! >> ha-ha-ha. >> this is the general. mission is a go! >> what happened to you? >> i went to the train. what hpened to you? >> i exploded. >> you can do that? >> yes, because i am gi joe! ha-ha-ha! [applause] >> nicely done, guillermo. friday night, and it's time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things, whether or not they need it or not. this is this week in unnecessary censorship. >> russian prime minister
vladimir putin showing off while vacationed [bleep] for the cameras. >> grab her, kiss her, [bleep] her butt and then hand her back to her husband. >> joe jackson filed a statement with the court saying that he won't be [bleep]ing michael's children. >> adults are reminded it has benefits. >> they taught us that [bleep]ing is three second, yo [bleep] for three second and let go. >> i posted my video about ryan o'neal admitted to hitting on his own daughter at farrah fawcett's funeral. >> i don't want him in the act. >> you can't [bleep] control that. >> his ass since i was in seventh grade. >> when was the last time you spoke to your father? >> the night he tried to [bleep] me in the face.
♪ >> right on target. quick, leim hm into the car. haji, slow and easy. >> sorry, haji. "g.i. joe: the rise o"g.i. joe', comedy with doug benson, and quentin tarantino. stick around. ♪ this is lauren and mom. they told us they wanted a laptop with... ...speed, portability and battery life... for under $1700. we told them... ...you find it, you keep it. let's go find a laptop. i'm about to be a law student and portability is important to me. this mac, it's more expensive. it seems like you're paying allot for the brand. let's go look at that dell again. it's portable, great battery life, it also has speed. lauren and sue: (laughing)
nice work ladies. and nice pc. ta $972. i'm a pc and i got exactly what i wanted. sue: she usually does. miller lite. (announcer on call) off e glass, centered in front... oh what a greamove, another great move... he skates in on goalal... hecores! unbelievable! it't's s all over! oh my... (announc) th's what greas tastes like. triple hops brewed. great pilsner taste. miller lite. taste greatness. or to speak k to seone directly agent.t.t. i'm sorr i didn't't quite get that. agent. spit o out your stride gum ad chew a another piece, , alre! or we'll find you. got it.
t' ine it's a new day ♪ someone's been doing the herbal! >> ♪ >> we're back. withs tonight on the show from "g.i. joe: the rise of cobra," rachelopens today, rachel nichols is here. guo with us a very funny guy. this is his new cd, a comedy cd, ad.led "unbalanced load." doug benson will be with us as ll.l. [applause] you know, very few people are bold enough to rewrite the end of world war ii. nightct, our first guest tonight
might be the only one to do it forever. he's an oscar-winning screenwriter and director of a tesaslew of great movies, his lt "the inglorious basterds." please say hello to quentin tarantino. [cheers and applause] e ll, first of all, the movie is t.ally great. i saw it the other night. outi heard you got a quick out of it. it gave me a quick that you got f it.k out of it. one.'s really a good one. ithink people will love it. say. very well done, i will say. congratulations. r know you got an honor just arlier the street earlier tonight. toni s> earlier tonight, no less et.ually, across the street. >> here it is. you've been cloned. >> yes. e. that is your waxed figure. ty i'm the star of "multiplicity
2." > that looks good at the m.llywood wax museum. that's pretty cool. >> it's not the hollywood wax museum. it's madame tussaud's. museum. it's madame tussaud's. >> who is she was into wax. >> normally they'll dip you into wax and -- >> right, vincent price does it. or they're a crazy showgirl or something. we all remember the "get smart" episode where they dipped the person in wax. >> that's right, sure. >> they called, said they wanted to do it, i was, like, yeah, 's about time, let's do it. literally they put all these little dots, like, on your face, all over your body, and they put you on a lazy susan. and they photograph you from every single solitary area you can be photographed so they n actually make this wax dummy that is actually just like
really captures your facial muscles. >> are you nude when you do this? >> no. i had clothes on. >> wow, that's weird. >> there's a madame tussaud's in london, a few of them. this is their first one on hollywood boulevard. their whole thing was we're old school hollywood, old oakland. okay, so what other directors do you have? they go, actually, you're our only director. >> really? >> yeah. so i was feeling pretty cool. so wait a minute, you mean you don't have hitchcock? this is hollywood. you're on hollywood boulevard, the old hollywood madame tussaud's. i asked if they had hitchcock, and they all looked at each other, ha-ha-ha. i go o, what? well, if we asked you, you said no, we would have done
hitchcock. i get a kick out of the fact that hitchcock is the fallback. >> pretty cool to be part of that, isn't it? there's a lot of history, as cheesy as it can be around here. >> that was one of the things that was so cool. i grew up in california. my stepdad took me to hollywood when i was 5 or 6, taking me down hollywood boulevard and everything. actually he planned a whole hollywood day for me. he took me to the sin ramm sin a dome. it was cool. he took me to hollywood boulevard, then into the hollywood wax museum. >> uh-huh. >> so i -- so ictually associate the whole hollywood
wax figure/hollywood boulevard thing with hollywood. then at night it had just opened. he took me to the grauman's chinese theatre where they were showing "diamonds are forever" with sean connery. it just opened. my first james bond movie to see in the theaters. >> wow, two movies this one day. >> and the two best theaters in the world! >> that's pretty great. >> the cinema dome and grauman's theatre. the fact he knew to do that at 5 and 6. >> do you think he knew that -- >> he was respectful of movies and hollywood. like, one of the things that kind of happened is, i think this happens to a lot of kid, i took it really seriously, where other kids didn't, but, you know, when you're 6 or 7 or 8, you know, you're watching movies with your dad or your mom or something, then they're always, like, oh, hey, that's harry caray jr., he was in "this or that or the other."
that's bill bixby, he had a tv show called "my favorite martian." when you're 5 or 6, you don't know who these people are. >> right. >> my dad would do that, and i thought he was on movie expert, right? any person who walked through the door, he knew what they had done, he knew altheir credits. i was, like, wow, when i become an adult i will be a movie expert! everyone who appears on television, i will know everything they've ever done. >> that is really funny. >> so i have to start working really hard right now to know everybody. [applause] little did i know that's not how most people become adults, but that's how i became an adult. >> it comes naturally. >> yeah, yeah. >> the cast in the movie, great cast obviously, but there are a couple people i'd never seen before. there's a guy that plays one of the nazis. landa. >> aka the jew hunter. >> the jew hunter?
>> yeah. >> the jew hunter gives -- >> that's him by name. >> if he es not get nominated for an oscar. >> i could not concur more. >> i've never seen him more. what's his name? >> christoph waltz. he hasn't done that many movies. he's known as a television actor in germany. not for a tv series, more like third lead in mini series. >> really? wow, he was so good. >> he got the role literally -- he came in to audition. i didn't know who he was. halfway through the first scene, that was the guy. i mean, it was just -- it was just that clear. my producer was in the room with me, and halfway through the scene we exchanged looks. we were, like, okay, we're making the movie, and this guy's orlanda. >> great performances.
brad pitt is in the movie. how did you get him in the movie? >> that was interesting, because we let it be known that i was interested in working with him, he was interested in working with me, and that was set up. we had an idea we would like each other. whenever this love affair's going to happen it's got to be right, so let's be precious about it. i wrote the part, i think this is the one. he sent him the script. he liked the script. i flew to france where he lives, sat down and had a b talk with him about the piece, like, what we're going to do with it. so i arrived to his place, and we had a talk. you know, it all worked out. >> wow, yeah. diyou just talked tohim? that's all you did? i heard you got him drunk is what i heard. >> okay. okay, you have to understand something, brad lives on a vineyard. >> okay, all right. >> i did not get him drunk. >> i see. >> it's his wine, all right?
he lives on a vineyard. >> all right, all right. >> it was, like, we're popping rose, h he's got this really col pink floyd rose, and we're knocking it back, and a smoking apparatus of some sort found its way -- [cheers and applause] -- on the table. i think a soda pop can that was red with a silver stripe, you know. >>his explains a lot of things now, now that i'm going back through the movie, it makes a lot more sense now. >> yeah. but it literally was the thing, where, like, brad woke up the next morning, you know, he comes walking out. he sees this smoking apparatus, an starts counting the empty bottles of wine. >> what was the number? >> it was six. >> really? >> it was six empty bottles of wine. that's how you get the most sought-after guy on the planet earth. >> that's how you wind up with a whole houseful of kid, you drink six bottles of wine. [laughter] >"the ingloriousbasterds" is thg
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>> we're back. quentin tarantino, rachel nichols and doug benson are still to come. quentin, have you always hated nazis or is this a new thing for you? >> yeah. no, no, no, i've always had lingle fantasies about killing livi, so finally decided to live it out in a proper way. n> you shot the movie in germany. >> yeah. ?> what did the locals think? the movie is essentially about this band of jew issue with american soldiers wreaking havoc on nazi soldiers. s? how did the germans day this? i'd like to be a fly on the wall .hen you show it in germany. eelre's this thing where i feel i have to deal with it, but if you think about it, all right, you know, other thanhe 'resibilities of jews, if you're hlking about anybody that's had bringing down the third reich eichkilling the third reich eantasies, it's the last couple generations of germans. >> that's true. >> they lived under this -- you know, they had nothing to do
with them. just the fact that, like, the -- the german actors that i've it's, with, all right, it's, like, almost all of them at one naze or another wore a nazi auseorm before in movies because that's the part they're asked to. they hate that stuff, all right? to. they hate that stuff, all right? >> uh- they were, like, you know, we couldn't do this movie in germany. they have be too respetful about the whole situation. the fact that you're doing the way you're doing it, it couldn't be done in germany. >> that's great. there's a bar in berlin named after you. >> it's called tarantino's. >> had you been there before? >> i lived there when i was there, all right, at a certain point, but when first showed up i was told there's a place called tarantino, and people would give me matchbooks, which
was really cool, because my name was on there. yeah, we were having dinner one night, let's go. so i go there, and, like, there's my name, voom, right on the big sign. >> yeah. >> the guy who ran the place was so cool, because i made it a point, don't call him in advance, let it be a surprise. he sees me outside coming in. and rather than not acting geeky or anything, he was all poised, cool. he was, like, standing halfway between the front door and the bar. i walk in the place, he greets me serenely. he sticks out his hand, and he says "welcome to your bar" all right, in really nice way. the thing about it is, if you know me, you just visited the bar, you would think i started the bar. >> why is that? >> because it's filled with my stuff, all right? you know, it's just, like, movie posters from every different nationality, all the countries that my movies have come out in.
>> it's like a shrine to you? >> like a shrine i'd put up in my house, like spike lee's joint. i've been there except me. >> they've created a theme bar around you? >> around me. they're always playing my movies on the big-screen tv, my soundtracks, drinks named after my characters and stuff. >> really? that's awesome. >> it is really awesome. i asked the guy, i go, how did this come about? he said, i opened it up four years ago. the thing is, i wanted to start a bar, and i'm big fan of yours. i want a place i wouldn't mind going to for the next 10 years of my life. >> you're not going to sue him at all? >> no, not at all. he's my man. >> did you bring brad to your bar? >> he definitely came. >> he did? >> every fourth weekend we would go to tarantino's, have a big blowout. and brad went tre and would
have a blast. >> he doesn't have a bar named after him. >> there's no pitt's. there's a lot of pits, but no place named pitt's after him. >> you've cut a special clip of the movie for us. set it up for us. >> part of the thing. basterds their whole thing is to ambush german patrols, kill them all, leave a couple guys left to get information from them. this is brad as the lieutenant, getting information from a german soldier during interrogation. >> here we go. "the inglorious basterds," and it comes out october 21st. >> i assume you know who we are. >> you're apache. >> you probably heard we ain't into prisoner-taking business. we're in the killing business. business is booming. >> oh, yeah. >> that leaves two ways we can play this out.
either kill you or let you go up the road a piece there's an orchard, and besides you we know there's another kraut patrol. that orchard could be a sniper's delight. if you ever want to eat a sauerkraut sandwich again, you got to show me on this here map where they are, you got to tell me how many there are, and you got to tell me what kind of artillery they're carrying with them. >> you expect me to divulge information that would put lives in danger. >> well, now, that's where you're wrong, because that's exactly what i expect. i didn't even know about germans hiding in trees. you need to tell me, you need to tell me right now. >> i respectfully refuse, sir. >> i was tickled to hear you say
>> by the way, there is a sound track to "the inglorious basterds," too, and it's spectacular. you even have vintage stains on the back. if you're a stain aficionado, there's something for you right there. our next guest is an actress and former model. her latest movie is called "g.i. joe: the rise of cobra." it opens today. please welcome rachel nichols! [cheers and applause] >> thank you for coming. you look fantastic. >> thank you for having me. >> last night was your big hollywood premiere across the street here. >> yes. >> was it fun?
>> it was amazing. it was my first big premiere. it was exciting. i know you saw sienna last night. >> sienna miller was on the show, yes, yes. why, did she say something about me? >> no, not at all. >> i did see her. are you guys friendly? i know you're enemies in the movie. >> we're friends in real life, but enemies in the movie. we have a kick-ass fight, where she wins sadly, but we spend a lot of time practicing in our hotel room. that's how we got to know each other. >> that's what they should film. you practiced fighting in the hotel rooms? >> we reenacted it because we liked it so much. it will come out called "gi ho." >> if you had a real fight, who would win do you think? >> i'm taller than she is, so
inevitably a lot of people think i would win, but she's a biter. she's scrappy. i got to give it to her. i n't know. >> you're one of the g.i. joe's. >> yes. >> are you a g.i. joe? >> yes, an elite force. oh, i see, there's the action figure. >> are there g.i. joe fanatics? >> i wouldn't have thought so until the director came o set and said he found his favorite youtube clip. some guy had dressed up like cobra commander, in full outfit, and gone on a tirade about how he didn't want steven to ruin his childhood in making this movie. at the end, he says there's one requirement. i have at the end of the film, i get scarlett, and that's my character. >> so did you ve to sex with him? >> i obliged.
i really wanted his $10. >> is he in custody now? >> we date actually. he's a great idea. >> that's a bad idea, is what they call that. >> he's also my stalker. >> do you hang around with sienna miller? seems like she's accosted with reporters. >> she has a super supernatural talent for spreading paparazzi. she sa they're paparazzi, and i said they're tourists. she said, they're not taking pictures o the sight but you and i. >> you're a natural blonde? >> yes. >> sienna miller had to wear a black women. you should have swapped roles it
would have been easier. >> we should have swapped head. >> did you have fun making this movie? >> yes. anyone that sees it will realize we had' great time making it. >> secrecy around the film which seems weird for a "g.i. joe" movie. >> steven summers and j.j. abrams both are very protective of their scripts. >> unlike quentin, he gives it to everyone. >> i've heard that about you. >> i'm proud of my scripts. >> oh! [cheers and applause] >> wow. i wasn't expecting that. i'm not talking to you anymore. go away. i'm just kidding. >> he's kidding. come on. >> i'm not kidding. i am proud of my scripts. [laughter] >> i heard about his huge following. when i accepted the role of scarlett, i had actually not read the script yet, because during the auditioning process i
read kate beckinsale's role from the vampire movie. when i auditions for "star trek" for j.j., i had no idea which role. >> you didn't know what the character was? >> they didn't tell me until after i accepted the job that i would have to dye my hair and -- >> that makes sense. why tell somebody like that in advance? congratulation to you. i hope the movie does very well. it's "g.i. joe: the rise of cobra." rachel nichols, everybody. we'll be right back with doug benson. (announcer) if you think all batteries are the same, consider this:
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b? the go bananas club? cincinnati august 20-23. please welcome doug benson. >> hey, everybody. "i bite." i was, like, that is good to know, doggie. but that's not the most important thing about you. you should make a sign that says "i make signs." you're losing out on a lot of money in the lucrative dog-sign-making industry of which you would be the sole member. i met a woman at a party, and
shed to me, out of nowhere, she goes, i have a three-legged cat. like what am i supposed tosy to that? i was, like, so? most cats have three legs when you think about it, right? cats with four legs have three legs, plus one more leg. cats with three legs have three legs. the only cats that don't have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs. when do you see them out and about? never. unless they've got a butt cart or something. if they've got a squeaky-wheeled cart butt they roll around on, creeping everybody out. i think there should be a bigfoot channel on cable. 24/7 all big foo bigfoot all th. there's channels for golf and for gay. why not for bigfoot? the slogan would be squatch what happens. squatch it. squatch and discuss. i went to a sexual harassment seminar recently, and now i
think i'm going to be pretty good at it. i'm excited. i can't wait to try out what i learned. nice boobs, sir. those are awesome man boobs. i like to leave my socks on during sex. what's the big deal? it's just me alone at the computer. what difference does it make if i leave my socks on? my t tootsies get coached it's chilly in my parents' basement. i'm about to do an amazing mental feat that i memorized that you'll enjoy with your ears. check this out. don't try to help me out if you know it, dude. alaska, california, colorado, hawaii, maine, michigan, montana, nevada, new mexico, oregon, rhode island, vermont, and washington. >> whew!
[applause] those are the 13 states where medical marijuana is legal. the rest of the states are dead to me. i will memorize them when they get it together! yeah, connecticut, dead. new york, dead. new england, not a state. listen, i'm not here telling anyone -- i'm not telling you to do drugs, but the commercials that tell you not to do drugs are crazy! right? did you see the one with the dog that starts talking to the teenage girl, just starts chatting her up? dog's like "hey, i don't like it when you smoke pot. you're different when you smoke pot." she doesn't say, "oh, yeah, i could talk to dogs, that would be one difference that leaps to mind almost immediately. you're the dumbest talking
dog -- the dumbest and dumbest talking dog i've ever talked to. why don't you ask to be let outside or for more food instead of whining about the very i think this that enabled us to communicate in the first place"? stupid talking dog. i wonder if that dog knows the sign-making dog. they should get together and be stupid. you guys have been awesome. thank you so much! [cheers and applause] bye-bye. >> doug benson, everybody. we'll be right back