tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC May 14, 2011 12:00am-1:05am EDT
and thank you for watching abc news. we hope you check in for fwm "gm "good morning america" and we'll see you back here later. have a fantastic weekend, and good night america. >> dicky: tonight on "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: osama bin laden is living with spongebob in a pineapple under the sea. >> dicky: kenneth branagh. ellie kemper. and the kids scrabble champions. >> jimmy: top republicans including sarah palin and karl rove are getting most of the credit to former president bush. which is kind of like when you open a pickle jar and somebody goes, yeah, but i
>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- kenneth branagh. from "bridesmaids," ellie kemper. and the 2011 scrabble champions. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, at last, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hola. thank you, cleto.
hi, everyone. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for coming. thank you for watching. it's wonderful to have you here. we have a lot of visitors in our audience tonight. beautiful day in los angeles here today, wasn't it? the birds were singing, which steven tyler liked but randy said it didn't make him jump up and down, yo. can i ask you a question, am i the only one still excited about osama bin laden being in hell right now? [ cheers and applause ] i am? um -- i don't know why. i think of it a lot. remember when frank sinatra sang riding high in april, shot down in may? that's him. that's literally what happened. osama bin laden, as we speak, is living with spongebob in a pineapple under the sea. [ laughter ] he's up to 2,000 friends on shot in the facebook. [ laughter ] [ rim shot ] it's -- [ applause ]
i don't mean to trivialize it. there's been a lot of debate lately about if it's okay to feel good about the death of someone. yeah, maybe you feel a certain sense of relief that justice has been done, but is it right to actually feel happy? and i think the most eloquent response i've heard was given by, of all people, bill o'reilly of fox news, who said, yes, it is. [ laughter ] enjoy. [ applause ] this is -- this is kind of funny. some top republicans including sarah palin and karl rove are giving most of the credit to killing osama bin laden to former president bush. which is kind of like when you open a pickle jar and another person says, yeah, but i loosened it. [ laughter ] there was -- [ applause ] there was a lot of excitement and confusion when the story first broke. many of our nation's news anchors had trouble jumping from osama and obama. fortunately, though, three days later, everything is pretty much
straightened out. >> says obama's death -- osama's death, i should say -- >> how did obama -- excuse me, osama -- >> torture was necessary to catching obama. >> updated the paint job to say "got obama." >> obama's death -- >> says he doesn't deserve to be caused muslim. >> obama had been killed. we saw images of americans celebrating in the streets. >> jimmy: osama obama. it is confusing. i will admit. why are wealling osama by his first name? it's not like he's regis. he's a killer. we don't call manson charles. let's leave the first name basis thing for our national treasures like oprah and snooki. [ laughter ] anyway -- [ applause ] thank you. obviously, it isn't easy to cover a big international story
like this. it takes professionalism and grace of the sort offered by new york one last night. new york one is a channel in new york and tonight, they earn our coveted award for excellence in reporting. ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you have to do your facial exercises. you have to do them. [ applause ] after debating the issue privately for a few days, the white house has decided not to release a photo of osama bin laden's corpse. obama decided today that he will not release it because he fears that it could spark a violent backlash, plus he was afraid of
what perez hilton might draw on it. [ laughter ] and i can understand that. some people believe we have a right to see it and i can understand that point of view, too. so, because i think there has to be some middle ground, i think i came up with a good compromise. this is a photo of a watermelon with a beard. [ laughter ] hopefully this will give you an idea of what the real photo might look like without getting anyone upset. details continue to emerge, describing what bin laden's life was like leading up to when we got him. he was living in that compound with nine women and 23 children. sounds like he was shooting a reality show for tlc. [ laughter ] reporters, this is interesting, they discovered small marijuana plants planted on the perimeter of his land. which -- maybe that's why he was so hard to find. he was probably touring with the band phish. [ laughter ] u.s. intelligence said that they
have information saying bin laden made a videotape shortly before his demise. and while he obviously didn't know he was about to die, it is clear from the tape that he was somewhat cavalier when it came to safety. >> all right, here we go, cover up the pool! [ applause ] >> jimmy: when you're wearing sandals and a bathrobe like that, it's hard to stay on a ladder. next time, safety turban. [ laughter ] we're learning more about the mission that killed bin laden. the white house keeps changing its story. first, they said he was armed and hid behind one of his wives. then, they said he was unarmed and his wife was not with him but he offered resistance so they shot him. now, they are saying it was type ii diabetes. i don't know what to believe anymore. [ applause ] meanwhile, sandra bullock's ex-husband, jesse james, was on
"good morning america" today, promoting his new book and he is no dummy. timing wise, this couldn't be -- yeah, i cheated on america's sweetheart, but at least i'm not bin laden! [ applause ] that should be the title of the book. jesse james is now engaged to the prominent tattoo artist kat von d. she lives in l.a., he lives in austin, texas. you have to wonder if he's going to be able to remain faithful. vicki mabrey of abc asked him point blank if he was going to repeat the same mistake he made last time around. >> he says he and kat plan to marry this summer. are you going to be faithful? >> no. >> do you think you can? >> no. >> no? >> no. >> jimmy: i find his honesty refreshing. i do. [ applause ] in happier couple news, mariah carey and nick cannon gave birth to twins on saturday. she give birth, he stood there. boy and a girl. in case anyone at the hospital isn't sure, the cannon twins are the ones crying seven octaves above all the other babies.
yesterday mariah announced on twitter that both the babies names would start with the letter m and i, of course, was hoping for mork and mindy. but it turned out not to be the case. they revealed the names this morning. their daughter is named monroe and their son is named moroccan. cannon. monroe and moroccan cannon. which -- moroccan cannon sounds like a weapon the terrorists would use against us. [ applause ] fortunately, for moroccan he already has a nickname, rock, which is perfect for a boy wearing a rainbow glitter onesie. they named him -- this is true. they named him after a room in mariah's apartment, which she called the moroccan room. that's how my daughter kitchen kimmel got her name. could have been worse, though. definitely could have been worse. could have named him laundry room. they could have called him the crapper. [ laughter ]
hey, speaking of kids, we have a tradition here at the show. every year, we invite the winners of the national school scrabble tournament to travel to los angeles to compete against me. this is the fourth year we've done this. the first year i won. the second year i won again. last year, i did not win. in fact, i lost. so, this year, i'm looking for revenge, i'll be honest with you, against these unfortunate children. from toronto, canada, please say hello to jackson smylie and alex li. there they are. hello there, fellas. welcome, welcome. welcome. thanks for coming. and we also have a special guest official tonight, john d. williams is the executive director of the national scrabble association. john, you'll be our official judge. if there are any disputes you will settle them. if there is a fistfight, you will get in the middle, right? >> i will. >> jimmy: thank you. how are you guys feeling about this? are you nervous? >> um -- about this game?
no. >> jimmy: yeah, about this game. >> um -- well, given the result of last year -- >> jimmy: how dare you. >> i don't think -- we don't think you should be overly confident. >> jimmy: oh, is that -- is that what you don't think, the two of you have come up with this thought? >> well -- >> jimmy: who are the gang members that spray painted your shirts, by the way? what's going on? were you mugged? all right, so, how are we going to do this? we can't play the full game. we don't have enough time. how many points will we play to, john? >> we're going to play to 200 points, first person to 200 points wins. >> jimmy: okay. and can we lower it, or if it suits me, can we lower? >> probably the latter. >> jimmy: very good. do you guys want to draw so -- okay, i'll sit right here and play one kind of round. what do they call them, hands or rounds? playing for $1,000. you guys know that, right? >> jimmy is going to draw the first.
the team closest to "a" will go first. okay, which one of those is closer? >> we do believe -- >> they go first. >> jimmy: actually i'm going to need that. i'm going to keep that in my pocket in case i get a "g "or something. all right. you guys go first then. draw your tiles and let's see what you come up with and then i'll draw some tiles, also, all right? you guys are canadians, huh? >> yeah, we are. >> jimmy: who let you in our national scrabble championship? >> the director of the national scrabble -- >> jimmy: oh, really the director, huh? are you the director? >> i am. >> jimmy: oh. where do we draw the line with countries? i mean, who are we going to let in next? do you guys have a tournament in canada? >> we have small school scrabble tournaments but no major ones. >> jimmy: i'm sorry. i'm really sorry. all right, can i draw some times now? you guys look over your tiles and i'll look mine over here.
can i look in the bag and pick? >> no. >> jimmy: all right. all right. uh-huh. yeah. uh-huh. uh-huh. all right. two more. i'm pretty good at scrabble, kids. i got news for you. all right. >> six points. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. >> score is six points, confirmed. >> jimmy: all right. okay. huh. huh. huh. all right. all right. three points. all right. let me take another. >> three points to jimmy. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you guys go ahead and --
>> the score is, after one turn, the score is six points for our young canadians and three for jimmy. >> jimmy: okay, thank you very much. i'm going to go do the rest of the monologue and i'll come back, okay? and when i come back, i have a seven-letter word i'm going to put down. >> maybe we do, too. >> maybe we do, too. >> jimmy: you better not. [ applause ] guillermo -- where is guillermo? keep an eye on them. make sure they don't look at my tiles, okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: you don't have to look at theirs, though, but watch mine. >> okay. >> jimmy: okay. [ laughter ] well -- there was a new episode of "american idol" on tonight. that's "american idol," you canadians. if you haven't seen this program, it's a lot like "the voice" but the judges get to see the contestants. it's novel idea. this week's theme was "now and then." each contestant picked a song from now, a current song, and then a song from the '60s, which
is then. the producers thought it was a great way to appeal to no one from several generations. my pick to win in our office pool is casey abrams. he got voted off last week. it's been a rough week with guys with beards, let's face it. we have gone three weeks without a -- [ applause ] female contestant being eliminated. we've gone four weeks now without a female contestant being tongue kissed by steven tyler. but his hormones are as active as ever and with that said, it's time for steven tyler's creepy leer of the night. ♪ been a long time ♪ but i'm back in town ♪ and this time i'm not leaving without you ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: don't end up in an elevator with him. and one more thing, back to bin laden for a moment. bin laden has left a lot of wives behind. he had two in kandahar. one wife in kabul. one in the tora bora mountains.
each wife lived in her own house. he's like the larry king of terrorists. but to be married to him, you have to be relatively resilient and amazingly, these wives have already found a way to support themselves with, of all things, a reality show, i think, for vh1. >> friday night, the real housewives of osama bin laden. >> the real housewives of osama bin laden. friday nights, followed by keeping up with the ahmadinejad-dashians. >> jimmy: that's good, right kids? you guys want to go? take a turn. let's see what you got here. oh, no. look at this.
>> 90. >> jimmy: 90. >> that is verified. 90 points to the school champions. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. all right. well -- i'm going to give you guys a little pointer here, as a matter of fact. huh. oh, no. let's take a break. we'll come back to this. we're playing scrabble. we have a good show tonight. ellie kemper is here. from "thor," director kenneth branagh is here, and we're scrabbling, so stick around. ♪ ♪
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>> jimmy: hi there, we're back with jackson and alex and we're playing scrabble. these guys are the national champi champions. of what nation, we're not sure. but i'm going to go ahead. they just gave a seven letter word. i'm going to dump a seven-letter word on you guys, as well. i got a double letter there, i got a double word score. you've got a lot of adding up to do. >> you have 84 points for that play. >> jimmy: that fast? i'm going to pick my -- that's pretty good, right guys? guys? that's pretty good? >> we have a dispute? >> jimmy: we do? >> it's 92. >> jimmy: oh. look at that. very gentlemanly. >> canadians. >> jimmy: i like that. that's good sportsmanship. >> my bad. >> jimmy: and it doesn't say much for you, john, i have to say. >> it doesn't. the score is now 96 for our
young champions and 95 for jimmy. >> jimmy: boy, now i'm almost rooting for you guys. all right. all right, so, i'm going to go interview the guests and you guys work on whatever goes on over here. all right. here we go. [ applause ] i like this kid already. the other one i'm not sure about. tonight on the program, you know her from "the office." starting next friday, you can see her movie-sized, in the new movie "bridesmaids," ellie kemper is here. tomorrow, we'll be joined by "thor," chris hemsworth, from "happy endings," adam pally, and we'll have cinco de mayo music from calexico. our first guest tonight formed his own theater company, was nominated for two academy awards, wrote a best-selling autobiography and started shaving all before the age of 30. now he wields the hammer of the gods as director of the new 3d movie "thor." it opens in theaters friday. please say hello to kenneth branagh.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for coming. >> thank you. >> jimmy: first, i would like to say that -- >> thank you very much. lovely welcome. >> jimmy: i enjoyed the movie thoroughly. i thought it was great. my son liked it, too, which is probably more important to you. >> absolutely. tough critics. >> jimmy: and your cast seems to love you. we've had a number of the members of the cast here on the show. >> they are so great. i believe that renee russo talked about her passion for chris. >> jimmy: she did. >> while she was looking at him, we were all looking at her. she's so sexy. >> jimmy: i don't know if you know this. she referred to you as sir, which, are you a sir? >> i am not. but i think, if you do more than three shakespeare plays in england, you get it anyway. >> jimmy: what can they do, arrest you? >> i suppose not.
>> jimmy: the world premiere of the movie was in sydney, australia. >> it was. and we had a great chance. chris, who i believe you will see this -- >> jimmy: he's here tomorrow. >> fantastic. he's a darling fellow. as big as a house and built like a concrete shipyard as we say back home. and very, very fetching with his kit off. we were able to -- that's shirt in -- >> jimmy: okay. >> in english speak. >> jimmy: i thought you said kilt. i wasn't sure. >> maybe he wears one of those. you wouldn't want to see what's under -- let's not go there. >> jimmy: we've got children here playing scrabble. >> exactly. you've got very ferocious canadians -- well done, boys. excellent. [ applause ] listen, listen, i think -- i mean, you pulled it out of the bag there with -- phasing? >> jimmy: literally. >> jimmy: yeah. i was going to be with shaping but i didn't have a spot for it so i went with phasing. >> thrilling work under pressure. >> jimmy: thank you. >> how did you cope with the great big sporting gesture there? >> jimmy: i have to say, it
threw me. >> slightly unnerves you. you can break their hearts, these kids. >> jimmy: that's right. and that's what i was hoping, to break their hearts. bruise their brains a little bit. but then extended that courtesy and -- >> thrilling contest. anything can happen. anything can happen. i'm nervous. >> jimmy: yeah, i guess. it's no "thor," that's for sure. >> you know, when we went to sydney, we had chris' entire family, which seemed to be most of australia was there. everybody who had ever, had anything to do with chris showed up. it was very, very exciting. >> jimmy: do you think they really were his family or just trying to get in for free? >> there's a bit of that, plus, there are literally thousands of hemsworths. it's as simple as that. >> jimmy: is that right? well, and does he have brothers? a whole thor-looking family? >> they're all god-like. he's the shiniest and goddest of them at the moment. >> jimmy: where do you live? >> just outside london. [ applause ] oh, thank you very much. thank you. thank you.
>> jimmy: what do you think of hollywood? >> what i think of hollywood. i think it's wildly exciting to be here. >> jimmy: is it? >> yeah, it is. it is. listen, we had a premiere of "thor" the other night, the lights going, it was a big, exciting crowd. all the stars around. and when i was a kid i used to walk around to the back of the television and see if i could pull the back off and find all the little people who lived so they told me, in the glorious place i'd never heard of, burbank. i thought it burbank like i thought of xanadu. now, burbank, i've discovered, is not xanadu. >> jimmy: even xanadu isn't xanadu. i may use that word. is it allowed? i don't know if it is. >> get some value for the x there. >> jimmy: when was the first time you came here? >> i came about 20 years ago, and i had both the glamour, the gorgeousness driving down to
paramount to do my first film called -- [ applause ] thank you, thank you. and i was -- they said what car would you like to drive? i don't know, what -- said, well, you are directing a big movie, should be a red ford mustang convertible. we'll have it at the airport and give you sunglasses so you'll look great coming down sunset boulevard. i struggled to be on the right side of the road, that kind of thing. but i got there, and, of course, nobody knew -- my name wasn't on the gate, i couldn't get in. they sent me to a parking structure where the real drama was, i couldn't get the key out of the lock. the steering column had a button you had to release before you got the key out of the lock. i was almost in tears, i mean, now i'm in -- i'm late by, like 15 minutes for the first day on the job. i don't know what to say, i'm a grown man, could you help me get out of my car, please? so i can go and direct the big hollywood movie. no, i'm really very important, really, i just -- i can neither drive nor understand ignitions. >> jimmy: you figured it out now, i would hope. >> yeah, i guess, afternoon 20
years. i've decided to check out the steering column first before i go to work. >> jimmy: well, this movie, was it hard shooting this thing in 3d or is it the same deal? >> we converted it after in 3d. it was exciting to make it more immersive and fling thor's enormous hammer around even more effectively. >> jimmy: do you have to sit there with the glasses on all day like an idiot? >> i sit there like an idiot anyway. but sometimes -- if there's a chance to put the glasses on -- sometimes you can look rather cool that way. but yes, you did. there's no other way to put it. yes, you do, if you want to edit it in 3d. it feels silly to wear those indoors. >> jimmy: for days on end. >> that's what has to happen. >> jimmy: they have to make 3d contacts or something. >> that's the way to go. >> jimmy: we have a clip from the film. since you are the director, you should set it up for us. >> you're very kind. this is a moment where thor, banished to earth, is hoping to recover his enormous hammer and --
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all right, fellas, i know you've been waiting, dying to make a move. go ahead and do something. impress us. see what you got. oh, you got the z, huh? oh, come on with that. >> 58. >> that is correct. >> jimmy: we call that a z. wow. huh. huh. zowie. now, that could be a fake word they put down to be wise guys but i think it is really a word. but you know what i'm going to do, guys? i'm going to go with italian word, that's ziti, and i believe that is, what, 39 points? >> yes, it is. >> jimmy: thank you very much. all right, i'm going to go do an interview, you guys continue working on that, all right? all right. zowie. what's the score right now, by the way?
>> 154 to 134, our favor. >> jimmy: oh, so you can win on the next turn. [ applause ] oh. well, that's going to give us nothing to do later on in the show, i guess, if you guys win during this guest segment, huh? well, we really screwed up. should we make it 250, just so we don't have -- or should we go home early? >> it's within the rules. >> jimmy: okay, all right, so, you decide there, john, what we should do. our next guest, mere days after her co-star steve carell's emotional departure from "the office," our next guest has already forgotten him completely. her new movie, alongside kristen wiig and maya rudolph is called "bridesmaids." it opens may 13th. please welcome ellie kemper. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: are you a -- are you a scrabble player? >> i'm not. i'm so envious. i don't play much and i do, when
i do, i'm bad at it. >> jimmy: really? you want to princeton, i heard. >> i did. but i can't spell. i mean, i don't know. the two events aren't related, but -- >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> even if you lose, you're a winner tonight. >> jimmy: thank you very much. thank you. thank you. that's not kind of how i look at it. >> i just -- whoa, they do not take a break. >> jimmy: no. maybe you can distract them with your beauty or something? >> i don't think that's going to happen. >> jimmy: i don't think so, either. i heard you live here in the neighborhood -- >> this is a weird neighborhood. >> jimmy: this is. >> i can say that because i live here. >> jimmy: you can say it anyway, really, because it is weird. >> it is such -- we're on hollywood boulevard, like, you know, very touristy, that's great, but it has a distinct flavor to it. i live by a ralph's, which is a grocery store, nicknamed the rock and roll ralph's. you know that. >> jimmy: it's a scary supermarket to go into. >> it is the only grocery store i've been to where i have to check my bag at the front, like, so i don't take anything. that's -- it's -- okay, it's
like a very strange -- >> jimmy: i can vouch for you on that. have you had any trouble in the neighborhood? >> i -- yeah. okay, again, i can say this because it had a happy ending. i was mugged. got to do it. >> jimmy: great. when was this? >> a few months ago. no biggie. basically i was walking and it was the middle of the day and this man sort of jumped out of a van and i want to say he started chasing me, but it was more like a brisk walk, like, he was -- he was sort of a fat man and he was sort of -- [ laughter ] he was, like, he was shorter than i was and i heard some foot steps behind me and i was like, oh, a man is trying to walk past me. he actually was trying to mug me. he didn't have a gun, nothing. it was very sort of old timey. he just wanted my purse. so, he started tugging my purse and i found myself actually screaming, "help me! help me!" which is straight out of an old movie. >> jimmy: like security company commercial or something.
and did anyone help you? >> no one did. there were people -- do you know why? i think, like, from a distance, it sort of looked like we were old friends who haven't seen each other in awhile. i was all so slow and i was like, no, and he was like, come on! and so -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. >> so he, like, he did end up getting the purse and he hopped back into his van and he drove away, and he gave me, like -- it was like a cartoonish mean look. >> jimmy: he was annoyed at you? he was the driver, too? >> oh, a one-man job. >> jimmy: wow. >> one short fat man job. >> jimmy: you know, we shouldn't have vans. no good ever comes of vans. >> my -- i am -- my boyfriend says the same thing. no good comes from a windowless van. especially a windowless white van. >> jimmy: absolutely. except for the a-team. no good comes of vans. mini vans, all right. >> mini vans, okay. [ applause ] >> jimmy: so -- you're on "the
office" and there have been some big changes that have been going on on that show. >> yes. >> jimmy: and you joined "the office" a couple of years ago. >> yeah, actually two years ago, about today, around, i mean, yes, two years ago. >> jimmy: you had to kind of join the cast in progress and be apart of something that was already happening. >> yes, which was very cool, because, i mean, like, watching -- i watched the show so i sort of felt like, oh, i know this show. i remember when i used to watch "the cosby show" i felt like i was in the huxtable living room kind of. the same thing happened being on -- when i found myself on "the office" i'm like, i'm just back here again. like -- i don't know. >> jimmy: you felt like you were part of the cosby family? oh, theo is driving me crazy? really? >> not again. yes. >> jimmy: wow. >> i wish -- mrs. huxtable was the best mom. >> jimmy: you really became immersed in television. >> yes. >> jimmy: so, when you showed up on "the office," they were your
old friends. >> yeah. and with steve leaving, obviously, everyone is very sad and correctly so, because he's like, the sweetest, nicest man and he's gone. i feel like a little bit of a fraud, though, because i've only been there two years. and everyone else has been there seven years. so, like, everyone is crying around the set, and i'm like, i know. but i feel like i need to -- >> jimmy: cry a little less? >> exactly, right. so i go to my -- why are you crying, ellie? and i go, i was mugged. >> jimmy: by a fat man in a van. >> but yeah. that's sad. >> jimmy: i heard your sister is a writer on the show. >> she is. >> jimmy: was she there before or after? >> after i was there. she's my younger sister. she writes on the show. i find myself having to be very nice to her now, which, i don't like. i am older and more powerful. >> jimmy: she's writing things you would say. >> exactly. so -- and also i always feel like those writers, i don't know what they're talking about, so -- i don't know what stories
she's -- actually, i do know. sometimes other writers will come up to me and say, so i hear you still sleep with a stuffed walrus, which i do. >> jimmy: at least it's stuffed because if you were sleeping with a live walrus, that would be very unusual. this movie, it seems like it may be a big, big movie. you have quite a cast there with maya rudolph and kristen wiig. very funny people. did you know each other before you made this? >> i didn't. i was huge fans of all of them. this sounds very showbizy but i was huge fans. they are incredible women. i didn't know any of them. and, so, like, at the beginning of the movie, they, kristen sort of organized an outing to another gem of this neighborhood called hollywood men. >> jimmy: what is that? >> it is a strip club, like, across the street from here. >> jimmy: for real? >> for real. >> jimmy: how did i not know -- guillermo, how did i not know this? >> i didn't know, either.
>> jimmy: oh. really. don't listen, kids. it's -- nothing you need to be informed of. go back to your letters. and so you guys went and there were male strippers there? >> yeah. and it was like, one of the most exciting and saddest places i've ever been. probably a third of, maybe a fourth of the way full and, like, a friday night, which i would think would be hollywood men's prime hours and it was a parade of just, like, there was a fireman, there was, like, a woodsman. there was a thor. >> jimmy: really? >> yes. and i -- yeah [ applause ] >> jimmy: so that wasn't one of the hollywood boulevard super heroes? >> it could have been. the whole night is a blur. but it was -- >> jimmy: did you get a lap dance? >> yes. >> jimmy: oh, you did? >> yes. at the end of the show, it was someone's idea to go and, like, everyone paid for each other's lap dances. i -- there is nothing at all appealing about a man dancing on you, i mean -- and all that i
remember is so much oil, like, it was so oily and i was -- i was just like this the whole time because -- and i didn't think, like, i felt like, i don't want to get sick, and i don't mean an std or something. i meant, like, he looked like he would be, like, have a cold. i just didn't -- i was just like. >> jimmy: you had a sniffly stripper. >> i did. it was gross. >> jimmy: and you took those experiences and now you've woven them into comedy magic. >> yes. >> jimmy: well, next time you are around the area, give me a call, we'll go have a drink over at hollywood men. >> okay, great, yeah. >> jimmy: very nice to meet you. >> thank you. great to meet you. >> jimmy: "bridesmaids" opens may 13th. ellie kemper, everybody. we'll be right back with those kids. and i'll finish them.
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>> jimmy: hi there, we're back with jackson and alex, the national scrabble champions. and what is the score right now, john? what's the current score? >> the score at the moment is, 154 points for the champions and 134 for you, jimmy. >> jimmy: and we're playing to 200. so, you could end this here if there's no god. that's where i was going to go. oh, boy. >> 37. >> jimmy: how much? >> 37. >> jimmy: what does that give you? >> that gives them -- >> jimmy: 191. very close. so i have to score -- [ applause ] well, i'm in a lot of trouble then. i'm going to be honest here. there's really no way -- no way to get around this.
huh. well, i'm going to go here, i guess, then. i'll go with pend. three, four, what, 21? >> 21. >> jimmy: all right. 21. try not to get -- try not to get anymore points. you guys should pass here. >> the score is now 191 for them, 155 for you, jimmy. >> jimmy: so, i have less? >> you do. >> jimmy: okay. okay. >> 58. >> 58. >> jimmy: i'm going to challenge that word. >> okay. >> jimmy: why not, right? i'm going to lose if i don't. [ applause ] >> all right. i am pulling out the official scrabble players dictionary, which we will use to adjudicate this. >> jimmy: thank you. are you guys cheating? is it a word? >> let's see. >> jimmy: we'll see.
if it isn't i'm going to beat both of you mercilessly. you guys excited about bin laden? >> the play is acceptable. >> jimmy: the play is acceptable, it is, indeed, a word. well, congratulations, fellas. you have defeated me. and now -- i heard that -- guillermo, give them the trophy. and i heard -- [ applause ] i heard that with the award money you were planning to buy, what? what was it you wanted to buy with the money you won from the tournament? >> possibly an ipad and invest some of it. >> same here. >> jimmy: all right, so you don't have to buy the i.d. pads, because we got you a couple of them. there you go. congratulations, gentlemen. well played. i'll get you the next time around. >> thank you so much. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: alex and jackson, everybody. john, too.