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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  November 17, 2012 12:00am-1:05am EST

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sere reefs. thank you for watching abc news. "gma" in the morning, and have a great weekend. tonight on "jimmy kimmel live" -- david letterman. >> what can i do for you that you haven't been able to do for yourself? >> just live with me for a month. >> jimmy at a brooklyn barbershop. >> what do you think of mitt romney's hair? >> i don't like it. >> look at you. >> and music from vampire weekend. >> do you like carrots? >> no! >> you don't? >> "jimmy kimmel live," coming up next. >> did you used to work for me?
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we're in the williamsburg area of brooklyn, and this is the black and white gallery. inside is something that the locals call art. let's take a look. this is chantal martin and she drew all over the walls here. >> cool, thanks for coming down to gallery. >> jimmy: thanks for having us. you have a heavy brooklyn accent. >> i know. people keep telling me, what part of brooklyn are you from, and i ceylon dsay london. i started there and did the line all throughout the gallery. big movement. it's drawing very intuitively, very spontaneously. >> jimmy: the key is a pen. >> yeah, the key is a pen.
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>> jimmy: you can't do this without a pen. >> no. >> jimmy: so, this is spray paint. >> this is outside section. this is my first big piece with spray paint. >> jimmy: so, there's no wall left. what are you working on now? >> well, i filled up all the walls so now i'm working on something pretty exciting. let me show you that. >> jimmy: wow. >> so, this is my latest piece. i'm going to finish it now. >> jimmy: can we watch? >> yeah, sure. i got some pens with me, so, let's do that. ♪ >> jimmy: well deserved. what do you think, guillermo? >> i would like a drink. >> jimmy: you would like a drink? >> yes. >> jimmy: why not? >> let's do this. >> jimmy: okay, come on out. wow. you know what i think? i think we missed a spot. >> okay. you've never looked better. actually, you once looked better but this is the second-best you've ever looked. >> dicky: ciroc ultra premium.
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the art of celebration. visit facebook.com/ciroc for creative cocktail ideas this holiday season. "jimmy kimmel live" from brooklyn back in two minutes with david letterman and music from vampire weekend. [ male announcer ] sometimes a man must venture out from the shallow end to find something truly worthy of his search. ♪ inspired by 300 years of tradition. ketel one. gentlemen, this is vodka. drink responsibly.
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we made one for each of us. go now for olive garden's new dinner today, dinner tomorrow. choose one of five entrées tonight for just $12.95. then take home a different entrée free for tomorrow. it's dinner today, just $12.95. dinner tomorrow, free when you go olive garden. >> dicky: from brooklyn, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- david letterman. jimmy at a brooklyn barbershop. and music from vampire weekend. sponsored by ciroc ultra premium. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" and now, no, he's the man! here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: thank you. welcome. thank you. thank you, everybody. how are you doing? well, that's very nice. hello, brooklyn. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. [ cheers and applause ] very happy to be here with you. thank you, thank you. that's very nice. [ cheers and applause ] you're very kind. i appreciate it. but -- i want you to -- i'd like you to be honest with me. how many of you -- how many of you are here for the electricity? [ cheers and applause ] that's what i figured. well, thank you for coming. it's our second night of a week of shows. from the harvey theater at the brooklyn acad kacad my of music. i moved away from brooklyn 35 years ago when i was 9. it hasn't changed that much. same vegan bakeries, same
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toddlers drinking baby chinos in $2,000 strollers. it's really the same place. we had great sandwiches today. where did the sandwiches come from? oh, yeah, the milan deli. that was good. [ applause ] i think -- maybe the best part of being in brooklyn during a hurricane is, if you go outside and open your mouth, there's a pretty good chance a corned beef sandwich will blow into it. more than 6 million people in the tri-state area still don't have power. statuses haven't been updated. faces have not been booked. it's -- my uncle tony and aunt joanne lost power in marine park and my parents are staying with them, so, this is what my uncle did today. he hooked a multiplug extension cord into his cigarette lighter so he could charge all their phones at once. it was either that or buy three more cars and they figured it was cheaper that way. they say it's good to rig your own electrical outlets when the floodwaters get above three feet.
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some of the damage i've seen on the local news is unbelievable, especially in new jersey. some parts of new jersey been have so completely rearranged that apple maps is now actually right. [ laughter ] it does seem like -- [ applause ] thank you. like the government is on top of things. government seems to be doing a good job, although you'll never guess who criticized president obama. do you remember michael brown, heck of a job brownie, michael brown? the former director of fema who was forced to resign after hurricane katrina. on monday, he criticized the president. he said obama may have acted too quickly. [ laughter ] instead of taking the wait and do nothing approach that worked so well during katrina. that is an interesting point coming from a former fema director and current applebee's employee of the week. [ laughter ] things seem to be getting back on track here in new york. [ applause ] limited subway service is scheduled to resume tomorrow at 6:00 a.m. the mta is letting people ride the bus for free, which --
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[ cheers and applause ] very good news. people don't have to be anywhere any time soon. make no mistake. no bus ride in new york is ever free. there is always a price that will be paid. [ laughter ] mayor bloomberg announced that all cars coming into new york city via the bridge must have a minimum of three people in them. unless one of the people is very, very fat in which case, two people but no sodas. [ laughter ] to me, i think the best sign that we're recovering from the hurricane is the fact that this morning, george stephanopoulos was discussing last night's shocking elimination of sabrina bryan and louis van amstel of "dancing with the stars." i think that means the worst is behind us. unless you are louis van amstel, then the worst is still ahead of you. unfortunately, the brooklyn nets had to cancel their big home opener tomorrow night. at the new barclays center, which is rht down the block. good news is, if the nets can keep this up for eight more months, could have their first undefeat season. [ applause ]
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and then -- the kardashians will be rolling in. i want to wish everyone here a happy halloween. in case you hadn't noticed, tonight, i am dressed as a slutty talk show host. [ laughter ] i see a guy here in our audience who is dressed exactly like brooklyn boar borough president marty markowitz. he looks -- incredible costume. halloween is -- [ applause ] the one night of the year in brooklyn when you can't tell if someone is an ironic hipster or dressed up as an ironic hipster to be ironic. this is a great costume. if you are a parent of a young child, halloween is essentially over for you because it is almost impossible to get a babysitter on hallowee but look at this guy. he did something ingenious. as you will see here as he gets closer to us, he has integrated his actual baby into his costume. he built a replica of the
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machine that sigourney weaver wore in the movie "alien." giant robot baby bjorn. you know what? there's a storm, people have time on their hands. this is what happens. we did something fun on the show for halloween last year. last halloween, i asked parents to play a trick on their kids. i asked them to tell the kids that they ate all their halloween candy. it became a very popular viral video, probably the mostopular of all the kids that fell victim were two brothers named c.j. and jake from long island. >> i ate all your candy. you have no more left. >> what? >> she ate it. what the heck? >> mom! >> did you see how much i had? i went to a lot of houses. >> i know. i ate it all. it tasted so good. especially the peanut butter cups. >> you sneaky mom!
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>> jimmy: 33 million people have watched that on youtube so far. [ applause ] and i have a surprise for you. c.j. and jake are here with us tonight. come on out, guys. where are they? oh, look at this. how are you? what's happening? how you doing, buddy? who are you guys dressed as? >> mario. >> i'm luigi and he's mario. >> jimmy: what happened to your mustache? did you guys like the trick your mom played on you last year? >> yes. >> jimmy: you did? >> it was funny. >> jimmy: at first you were mad, though, right? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: you can take that off. you know what would be good? hold on, i'm going to make you into my friend adam carolla. [ applause ] i was wondering, do you guys think we should have people play it on other kids this year? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yes, that would be
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funny, right? yes? yes? do you still calyour mom sneaky mom? >> no. >> jimmy: no? so, parents, tomorrow morning, you know what to do. tape yourself telling your kid you ate all their halloween candy and post the video to youtube with the title "hey jimmy kimmel, i told my kid i ate all their halloween candy again." and make sure to check your e-mail and your youtube account for a message from us because we have to contact you. and we'll show the best reactions on the show. who knows, your kids could be the next c.j. and jake. by the way, i have something for you guys. guillermo? where's guillermo? guillermo, come on out here. [ applause ] look at this. you probably had a lot of halloween candy, so i got you each a basket of carrots. do you like carrots? >> no! >> jimmy: you don't? [ laughter ] all right, well -- give them some rabbits or something, okay? c.j. and jake. happy halloween, guys. good to see you.
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ruined his night again. [ applause ] c.j. and jake's parents are there. hey, do you think you could pull this prank on them again? do you think they'll fall for it if you do it to them one more time? >> ah, no, i think this one's run its course. >> jimmy: they're onto us? sorry, guys. we'll get you some candy, don't worry. i'm very good at making kids cry, it turns out. you know, a lot of kids on the east coast didn't get a chance to trick or treat. in fact, because of hurricane sandy, new jersey governor chris christie actually cancelled halloween. he tweeted this today. he said, it's just not safe yet to be out trick or treating tonight, so, halloween has officially been postponed until monday. does he really have the authority to -- [ laughter ] cancel halloween? it seems -- this seems very suspicious to me. especially considering the fact that he just posted this photograph on instagram. [ applause ] i believe he wants all the candy for himself.
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i'm sure you'll all be happy to know that even though many homes on the jersey shore were destroyed this week, the one that snooki and j-woww lived in is fine. the mtv "jersey shore" house survived the hurricane. and unfortunately, so did the real housewives of new jersey. they're all okay. god had one chance and he blew it. you guys are here on a big night for me personally. i'm excite and nervous tonight because david letterman is here. [ cheers and applause ] i -- i love david letterman. and -- i've been on his show a bunch of times. but he's never been here on my show, so, i hope you'll excuse me if i vomit at some point tonight. before we get to dave, as you know, the election is less than a week away now. and if the polls are to be believed, this thing seems to be about even. but the one demographic in which the president has a huge lead is among african-american voters. black voters overwhelmingly support president obama -- [ applause ]
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which, as you can see -- it makes sense. but it also made me wonder if there's anything mitt romney can do to turn that around. even if he were to get 30% of the african-american vote he could win this. so, since we are in brooklyn, i stopped into levels barbershop on fulton street to ask the guys there if they have any advice for moout ritt romney on how hen win their support and here's how that went. >> hey! >> jimmy: how you guys doing? what's going on? that's right. i think this is called representing. >> no question. >> little bit. little bit. >> jimmy: should i take a seat? >> right here, yeah. >> jimmy: all right, all right. how is busess? >> good, now that you're here. >> jimmy: so, i'm here for a reason, not just to get my hair cut but i wanted to ask you guys some political questions. barack obama is winning the african-american vote by a margin of 94% to 3%.
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>> no kidding. >> jimmy: okay? so, the question i want to ask you is, what do you think mitt romney can do to get more of the black vote? >> turn black. >> he can drop out the race. >> jimmy: how many of you are planning to vote? >> we all are. >> jimmy: you all are? >> you're not? >> i can't right now. due to circumstances, in a couple years, i'll be all right. >> jimmy: so, mitt's not worried about you? >> nah. he ain't worried about me. >> jimmy: quick show of hands. how many of you are mormon? really? [ laughter ] so, mitt romney said that his personal vice is chocolate milk. does that make you feel -- got something? >> no, not at all. >> most black people are lactose intolerant, so, that's not even going to work. >> jimmy: is that true? >> it is true. >> jimmy: really? what percent would you guess?
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>> show of hands. >> jimmy: black-tose intolerant? if you will. >> that's good. >> jimmy: you guys have nicknames, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what's your nickname? >> zo mega million. >> big city. >> edward scissor hands. >> visine. >> jimmy: why visine? >> what does it do? >> jimmy: it clears up your eyes when you're high? [ laughter ] >> that, too. that, too. >> jimmy: you better get out of here. from a barber's perspective, what do you think of mitt romney's hair? >> decent. >> i don't like it. >> jimmy: look at you! [ laughter ] who is the best barber in the room? >> we all are. >> we all are. >> jimmy: it's got to be him. his teeth are made of gold. let's go over some statements and you rate these on a scale of
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1 to 10, okay? um -- i like mitt romney. >> one. >> one. >> zero. >> jimmy: okay. mitt romney represents my values. >> zero. >> jimmy: mitt romney has mad flava. >> zero. >> jimmy: mitt romney is my boo. >> zero. >> jimmy: again, it's one to ten but i'll take the zero. so, it seems like he's not going to get any of your votes or any of the votes of any of your friends. >> only if he was on "survivor" and we voted him off the island. >> jimmy: then he would get your vote? >> only vote he'd get. >> jimmy: this has been very educational. i have a feeling the romney camp and future republican candidates are going to study this videotape to figure out where they went wrong. or maybe they won't at all. thanks again for the hair cut. what, i sit here for nothing, i mean, what goes on in this place? >> come on, man. >> you talk too much. we didn't get a chance to cut your hair. >> jimmy: i know, you're right. you're right.
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i'm sorry. >> you can still pay for the cut, though. >> jimmy: thank you. now you're talking like a republican. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thanks to the guys at levels. i'm taking them all back to l.a. tonight on the show, it's a big one. we're in brooklyn tonight. we have music from vampire weekend and we'll be right back with david letterman, so stick around. ok guys, this kick is for the win. labels out. [ fan 2 ] here we go. wait, what? our proximity to the field, creates a parallel connection between the bottle and the ball. the outward facing label simulates a smoother contact surface for the kicker.
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>> jimmy: welcome back.
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this is our home this week, the harvey theater at the brooklyn academy of music. we have a full house. tonight on the program, a local band, who, you know, when you have the word "vampire" in your name, you'll always have to work on halloween. vampire weekend is here with us tonight. tomorrow night on the show, jon stewart and stephen colbert will be here together tomorrow night and we'll have music from the avett brothers with the brooklyn philharmonic, so please joint us tomorrow night, too. and i'd like to remind everyone, that if you'd like to help with the hurricane relief effort, you can do it on the web at redcross.org or text red cross to 90999 to make a $10 donation. please do that, or you will almost certainly go to hell. not only is my first guest tonight the main reason i got into television, he's the main reason i got a television. he is the host of "the late show with david letterman" and i am more excited that he's here
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tonight than i am able to explain. please welcome, mr. rock and roll, david letterman. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome. it's wonderful to have you here. >> great pleasure to be here, thank you. >> jimmy: i'm excited to have you here. a little bit overwhelmed. i would imagine it's similar to when johnny carson was on your show. >> well, when johnny carson was on my show, the big difference was, johnny carson really was something and i'm not much of anything. that was the big, big difference. >> jimmy: well, maybe to you. but to me, i mean, for instance, this is a real picture. this is my 18th birthday. here i am with my "late night with david letterman" cake.
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this is -- i had a beautiful car when i was in high school and that's my little brother and my license plate said "late night" on it. so, this is serious for me. [ applause ] this could make or break me tonight. [ laughter ] i -- i hope i'm not making you uncomfortable. >> no, no, i'm fine. >> jimmy: i'm concern that i am. >> i'm more concerned for you. did your parents step in when they saw -- [ laughter ] i mean, these are warning signs, jimmy. >> jimmy: that's just the stuff we were able to get on film. >> oh, my goodness. well, i -- i was telling someone earlier today, in show business, you're not -- one of the precepts is, you're not supposed to really be nice to people. >> jimmy: is that right? >> especially if you have the same occupation as another person. jimmy and i do the same thing for a living. jimmy has broken that precept and has been nothing but generous and courteous and kind to me --
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>> jimmy: wow. [ applause ] >> the entire -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: wow, that's nice of you to say. >> and i -- i'll be honest with you, at first, it was troubling. i kept saying to people, why is he sucking up to me? what's in it for him and then when i was persuaded that there was some measure of stability here, then i really realized that it was genuine and i couldn't appreciate it more. thank you very much. >> jimmy: i appreciate it. i'm very excited that you're here. [ applause ] is your house okay? is everything all right at your place? >> well, i wouldn't say everything is all right, and, my god, god bless you for coming here at this time, because we're just now recognizing what has unfolded, and to have you here visiting new york city, i think is a nice thing and i think it means more now than in other situations. [ applause ] >> jimmy: well, rest assured, it was completely unintentional. i mean, we just wandered into this thing.
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>> a lot of people would pack up and go home. they would say, oh, no, we're going to get our shoes damp, we better get out of here. >> jimmy: well, that's the kind of heroism that i feel i learned from watching you, dave. that quiet, stoic -- >> stoic. that's me. >> jimmy: courage in the face of adversity. is harry trick or treating tonight? >> no. harry decided -- he's not that big a fan of trick or treating so he's staying -- i don't note what they're doing. they're not trick or treating. i think trick or treating was canceled. i don't know. he's just not that big on -- he likes trick or treating out in the country, in the neighborhoods, you go to the door, but riding in an elevator -- >> jimmy: not the way to do it. >> not prime trick or treating. >> jimmy: okay. >> they are staying home. >> jimmy: i like a kid that doesn't like to trick or treat. is that his way? i would imagine that you weren't going to halloween parties and nightclubs and the like when you were a young man. >> why do you say that? >> jimmy: i don't know, just doesn't seem like it's in your character. >> that makes me seem odd.
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and you say it's an issue of character. >> jimmy: i think it is an issue of character. i think it's good. i don't like that sort of thing. dave, we're just alike. we would spend a lot of time together, it would be great. >> yeah, we wareally would. >> jimmy: we're just men. it doesn't need to be weird between us. we're both wearing makeup, i mean -- [ laughter ] i see this really working out. >> yeah, i mean, i don't -- i have no idea what you're talking about, but me, too, i think it will work out. >> jimmy: you know what, we're going to take a break here and we'll discuss our future together. >> good idea. >> jimmy: david letterman is here. we'll be right back. ♪
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real delicious hellmann's. >> jimmy: welcome back. we're in brooklyn with david letterman, vampire weekend still to come.
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david, you are -- how old is harry now? >> 9 years old. >> jimmy: does he know what his father does for a living? >> one of his classmates went up to him the other day and he said, i know who your father is, and harry said, yeah, who is my father? and he said, your father is ed sullivan. so -- [ laughter ] so, we're close. i -- what i found about being a parent, everybody knows these things, i'm learning them late in life, you -- in some areas, you tend to overdo it, where you should not overdo it. some areas, you underdo it. and i feel like i'm either way ahead of things or way behind things. and when he was in kindergarten, they said, we're studying journeys. the little kids are studying journeys. i don't know if we're talking about symbolic metaphoric journeys or actual physical journeys. it makes no sense to me. but they said, do you have a story about a journey that you
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can come in and tell all the kids? and i wanted -- i'm so eager, i wanted to help. so, i said, yes. i do, and then i had to think of a story. [ laughter ] and then the story i came up with was, years and years ago, about this time of year, a bear, a black bear broke into my house in montana. and it happened like at 4:00 in the morning and i hear stuff banging around out in the kitchen and i thought, ah, i bet somebody's making breakfast and i went back to sleep. you don't expect to see a bear in your kitchen. >> jimmy: no, rarely. >> i do expect there might be a slight chance someone is fixing my breakfast. that's just automatic, with everybody, you never know. [ laughter ] so, this is a story i tell to the kids and i bring in pictures of the bear and he had pulled off the refrigerator and he had twisted stuff and bent up the refrigerator and there's pictures of him sleeping next to the baby crib and he's -- it's crazy.
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and i go through this whole thing, talking about the journey the bear made and even i'm not buying it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and at the end of the little presentation, we have bear bells that you're supposed to take that will scare away bears and it's never been proven to work but they sell a loof them. and so we passed out the bear bells and one little kid at the very end comes up to me, tiny little kid, cutest little kid i've ever laid eyes on, he says, excuse me, mr. letterman, i said, yeah. he says, you ever seen a bunny? i said, yeah, yeah, i have. so, i realized i had just -- there was no point in me being there whatsoever. >> jimmy: kids don't appreciate anecdotes the way they used to. >> being there and not being there is just about the same. [ applause ] >> jimmy: and i hear about you spending time with these children, do you have friends? do you have, like, guy friends that you hang out with?
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>> no, no. >> jimmy: why not? >> i don't know why that is and i don't think at this point and certainly not here on this show we're going to answer that question. but it's true. i don't -- people -- i think people don't like me. >> jimmy: i don't think that's the case. >> you have a lot of friends, i always hear, he had a party, people came over, it was exciting and i just can't do that. >> jimmy: i'll have a party for you. >> i'm not coming. >> jimmy: it will just be me and you. just the two of us. we'll have whatever you want. >> well -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: we'll have pie. do you like dessert? >> sounds like the setup to an old joke, so -- >> jimmy: do you fish? do you go fly fishing? >> oh, well, here, i found out that you fly fish. >> jimmy: yes. >> but what i know about your fly fishing is, you are serious and probably good. >> jimmy: i'm not that good at it. i've only done it about 30 times. i'm intermediate level. >> only done it 30 times? >> jimmy: fly fishing. >> wow. ahh. >> jimmy: where's anton when we need him? >> yeah, thank you. keep him in the thing up there.
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>> jimmy: yeah, no, i just started about five years ago. >> well, i tell you something. you're better than i am, because i, about 30 years ago, more than 30 years ago, tom brokaw, the former anchor of nbc evening, nightly, what do you they call it? i don't know. he says, i'm going to teach you to fly fish. and, by the way, i don't like activities that require pointers and tips. >> jimmy: right. [ laughter ] >> you can either do it or you can't do it, but i don't like a lot of -- okay, straighten your elbow, no, keep your head down, spread your feet, now straighten your elbow, no, no, keep your head up. no, it's back here, it's 12 to 1, no, you did 12 to 3. i don't -- that's just not going to help me. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so tom and i go out to central park and there's a puddle or something and we're -- and i couldn't do it. i just couldn't do it. and i didn't care and then -- [ laughter ] and then tom said, you really
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ought to go to montana, go to montana. so, finally, just to shut tom up, i went to montana and that changed my life. and started to fly fish again and i'll tell you this, i've been doing it for 30 years and i am no good at it. and i don't care. i just like standing in the river. >> jimmy: right, exactly. >> that's all -- >> jimmy: that's all you need. that's what i see us doing. standing in the river together. >> standing in the river. and so tom called up one day, he said -- i think tom talks like this, he said, let's you and me go down to ted turner's place and go fishing. i said yes. so, we go down to the flying v. 100,000 acre ranch. at the base of the spanish peaks, 12,000 foot mountains. we go to a little creek called cherry creek and tom goes off with somebody and i go off with somebody, we're different parts of the creek and ted hops in the truck and he goes back to the house. ted wants no part of this. ted understands he's not making
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any money on any aspect of this, so, he'll just be, you know, back in the house trying to t ahold of jane. she was long gone at the point. so, now we're fishing and i caught three. i caught three and i thought, okay -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: nice. >> brokaw in that same period of time claims that he caught 30. >> jimmy: 30? >> in the same period of time to my three. so now we get back to the camp and we're going to have lunch and ted is so desperate to get my off his property. he sits me down -- let me help you with that. he sits me down and pulls off my waders. >> jimmy: what? >> he wants me gone. >> jimmy: he undresses you? >> he took my waders off like there was a late fee on them or something. okay, i'll take those. bang, zoom, we were gone. >> jimmy: well, let me tell you something, if you go fishing with me and huey lewis, we keep your waders on. >> i'm not going. i can't do that. >> jimmy: what about softball? can we maybe start a team?
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>> no. >> jimmy: wiffle ball? >> what is it about your life that you feel unfulfilled? what can i do for you that you haven't been able to do for yourself? >> jimmy: just live with me for a month. [ laughter ] i think we -- >> i feel like that's what i'm doing tonight. >> jimmy: all right. we're going to come back for another month with david letterman. we'll be right back. ♪ how advanced is the new ford fusion? well...it has outstanding performance and handling... ...and it offers a plug-in hybrid that gets a projected 100 mpge. of course, there's still one thing it can't do. introducing the entirely new ford fusion. it's an entirely new idea of what a car can be.
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standard at citibank. >> jimmy: david letterman is here with us. david, i should introduce you to my band leader. cleto and i, we grew up across the street from each other and we would always watch your show together and now we get to do own our show together. >> it's just -- i'm happy about that. but you just -- i don't know if you get the sense, you do a show night after night after night, you often don't get the sense that it goes anywhere. and so now to hear that my show, my early show, had some sort of a life altering impact, at least on you two. it's remarkable. [ applause ] >> jimmy: well, i have a lot of things to ask you and i want to go through a list very quickly
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because i'm starting to feel like you will never come back, so -- [ laughter ] >> i'm come back. i come to brooklyn all the time. [ applause ] you know how far away my theater is from this theater in actual miles? seven miles. isn't that remarkable? only seven miles. >> jimmy: how long did it take you to get here tonight? >> hour and 25 minutes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sorry. >> it's all right. >> jimmy: you have an audience on the show tonight? >> hard to tell. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you enjoy doing the show? because you did an extra night -- >> two nights without an audience. and once you learn -- i don't know, i can't speak for you, but for myself, our audience when they come goes through such a regimented indoctrination about how to behave, not just as an audience, but as adults in life. [ laughter ] we cover hygiene, we cover grooming, we cover manners. so, then, when you don't have
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the audience, what you're immediately aware of is how truly unfunny i am. because what you're getting with no audience is probably the reaction people are having at home, which is -- complete silence. >> jimmy: so it was -- >> it was fascinating. but tonight we had an audience. >> jimmy: when you're on the radio, you didn't feel that way, i assume. when you're on the radio and you're talking to nobody in a room, very quiet and -- >> right. >> jimmy: you just kind of assume that it's going well. >> right. but i'm not getting paid radio money. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: are you on facebook? >> ah, no. >> jimmy: do you have e-mail? >> yes. [ laughter ] yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: you do? >> we got a color tv, also. >> jimmy: you do? you send out e-mails? >> it's fantastic. >> jimmy: so, if i see funny videos, i can send those to you? >> no, please don't. no, i have the e-mail and i enjoy it.
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>> jimmy: you do like it. do you cook? >> yeah, i cook. >> jimmy: what do you cook? >> what do you want? >> jimmy: i don't know. >> there was a time when i did a lot of cooking and i still enjoy cooking but i don't anymore. >> jimmy: you don't anymore? >> do you cook? >> jimmy: yeah, a lot. >> what kind of stuff? >> jimmy: barbecue a lot. i make italian food, pizza. >> now, see, here's the thing. is the barbecue any good? >> jimmy: it's great. >> i'm suspicious of that because, and people in the audience will back me up on this. i don't care, you can take the average age of the audience, how many times they've had barbecue, how many times it's been great, it's going to be a small number because everybody loves barbecue. if it's not great, you know, don't get the stuff, don't even bring in the animal,. don't take the atom bomb into the desert. >> jimmy: i have a smoker the size of a refrigerator. you'll see it when you come to the house. we're going to have a lot of fun together. [ laughter ] i feel like we've made a breakthrough. [ applause ]
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>> is it really good or is it the kind of stuff in the car on the way poem, people are saying, ew, how about that barbecue? >> jimmy: people aren't honest when they eat at your house. but i think it's good. i've been told it's good. guillermo, do you think it's good? >> excellent. >> jimmy: thank you, guillermo. and he's -- well, he is paid to be here, so. his opinion is not -- >> did you used to work for me? >> no, no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: different guy. >> everywhere i've been since i've been here i run into people that used to work for me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we're taking your secondhand stuff. what can i say? >> oh, no, not secondhand. no, i think you get the prime, my friend. >> jimmy: well, thank you for being here. >> i'm not done yet. >> jimmy: oh, okay. good. >> here's the other thing. they are moving your show to 11:30 in january. >> jimmy: yeah, you're not mad, are you? >> no, no, no. [ applause ] and i think now we overlap, don't we? >> jimmy: yeah.
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right. >> if people want to, they can see this tie right now on your show and see this tie and suit on my show simultaneously. i don't think that's ever been done in television. [ applause ] so -- but anyway, i want to wish you the best of luck when you move the show. i think it will be exciting. i think you're going to be perfect at 11:30 and you and everybody who have worked so hard here at whatever time you're on now, i don't know. [ laughter ] who knows when he's on now. >> jimmy: well, thank you. >> i think it's going to be great. i couldn't be happier to have you in the running. >> jimmy: well, that's nice. i do appreciate that. [ applause ] and it's great to have you here. really is. david letterman, everybody. "the late show with david letterman" on cbs. we'll be right back with vampire weekend. [ male announcer ] it's that time of year again.
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>> jimmy: all right. here with a new song called "unbelievers," new york's own vampire weekend. ♪ ♪ got a little soul the world is a cold cold place to be want a little warmth ♪ ♪ but who's going to save a little warmth for me we know the fire awaits unbelievers ♪ ♪ all of the sin is the same girl, you and i will die unbelievers
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bound to the tracks ♪ ♪ of the train see the snow come down it's coming on down from the highest peak ♪ ♪ want a little leaf but who's going to save a little leaf for me we know the fire ♪ ♪ awaits unbelievers all of the sin is the same girl, you and i will die unbelievers ♪ ♪ bound to the tracks of the train i'm not excited but should i be ♪ ♪ is this the fate that half of the world has planned for me i know i love you ♪ ♪ and you love the sea but what holy water contains a little drop little drop for me ♪ ♪
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♪ see the sun go down it's going on down and the night is deep want a little light ♪ ♪ but who's going to save a little light for me we know the fire awaits unbelievers ♪ ♪ all of the sin is the same girl, you and i will die unbelievers bound to the tracks ♪ ♪ of the train if we're born again i know that the world will disagree ♪ ♪ want a little grace but who's going to say a little grace for me we know the fire ♪ ♪ awaits unbelievers all of the sin is the same girl, you and i will die unbelievers ♪ ♪ bound to the tracks of the train i'm not excited but should i be ♪

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