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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  September 23, 2013 11:35pm-12:35am EDT

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>> traffic has come to a complete stop in hollywood because we have a huge free concert with paul mccartney tonight. ether that, or all of those people outside just fell for our biggest prank ever. how mad would you guys be if this was a prank. would you be yell at me mad or kill me mad? it's important for me to know this for the future. don't worry, he's here. paul mccartney is here in this building. we are going to chat and then we're all going to go home and go to sleep. i am very tired. i was out very late last night
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after the emmies. they have all of these parties going on. what are you going to do? not go to them? so we did and we didn't get home until 3:00 in the morning and then i forced my wife to stay up and watch an extra long episode of "breaking bad". i tried to leave the parties a punch of times. it takes me so long to say good-bye to everyone that i have to start over and say good-bye to everyone again. we need a socially acceptable way to say good-bye to everyone at a party at once. how great would it be if you wanted to leave if you fired a flare gun up in the air? the big winners were "breaking bad" won outstanding drama and "modern family". this show was up for four emmys. i believe we won zero of them. it might have even been fewer
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than that. but it's okay. i still have some of my health. it was a sad emmys broadcast. i think more than anything, they were a constant reminder that death is coming for us and there is no escaping from it. there is a lot of eulogizing. i knew we were in for a weird night when they passed out gift bags with zoloft. it was like a funeral with trophies. i hate the red carpet. i hate the award show preshows. it's just hours and hours of nothing. the e! network seems to have cornered the market on nothing. this might be the most advanced piece of red carpet technology. >> we have installed a beyond beyond high definition camera that will allow us to zoom in and we call it glamazoom.
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>> it's amazing. >> let's take a look at g on the red carpet. >> let's glamazoom. >> wow. see that. boom. >> boom. they invented zooming in. i hope the north koreans don't get ahold of this technology. this is a funny one. neil patrick harris was previewing what was coming up on the show. watch closely the guy behind him. >> jimmy fall low presents the award and michael j. fox remembers family ties when we come back. >> that is is a writer for the emmys. his name is paul greenburg and i'm surprised he didn't know to stay out of the area. someone should have told him or something. what kind of an operation are they running? the emmys, you think they would
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have the best people running it. so unprofessional. i liked that move by the way. i hope that replaces quirky. you're off camera now. stop shrinking. i want to tell you, i will share a story that happened behind the scenes. neil patrick was the host of the show and he asked me to be a part of the ep iopening. i was supposed to start giving him advice in the middle of his monologue. part of the bit is neil tells me to go back to my seat and i say i can't go back to my seat there is already a seat filler and they cut to the seat and it's matt damon. i didn't hear neil say go back to your seat so i skipped past it. matt was in his seat waiting for the camera and nothing ever happened. which in other words means i wound up inedadvertently bumpin
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matt damon from the emmy monologue, too. you know, they do say over and over again that this time we're living in right now is the golden age of television and i happen to agree. we have never had more good shows to choose from than we do now. and the level of acting is so much higher than when i was a kid. it may have something to do with youtube. there are so many videos of real people that actors have to be better because we know what real anger looks like. i noticed a trend on youtube lately, and that is people having temper tantrums in public places. >> you have a cheese burger you have a cheese burger. please be constant for once in your life. >> i walk in the door and get the part.
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>> i just wanted an autograph. [ screaming ] >> please just take me away. >> wow. >> come on. come on. >> so there, you see what i mean? it is not just regular people having a melt down. celebrities are having them, too. kanye west has them about once a week. and even some notorious celebrities will be caught on camera flipping out. >> almond milk sugar free latte. and a giant -- gluten free. can you please get that for me right now. why are you standing there? you want to write it down? are you guys noticing this?
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this is [ bleep ] crazy. what the [ bleep ] is happening. just do it. get a pen is there a pen. do you have a pen? i'm not going to leave. i want my order. i want my order. i want my order. please, please. please. please give me my order. that's all i want. i want it! i don't want that one. now my purse is on the ground. >> hey, hey. hey. >> that's why she won the emmy last night. [ applause ] >> julia has a new movie with the late james gandolphini. that incident was not real.
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as of this weekend, summer is officially over. we're really feeling it here in hollywood. it was a bone chilly 90 degrees here. people complain we don't have seasons in california. but that's not true. we have one season and it's the good one. we're fine with that. [ applause ] but to officially welcome fall to la we grabbed the leaf blower and asked them if we could blast it into their fais. happy fall, everyone.
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>> our little pal guillermo was at the awards last night. he got to meet so many. plus paul mccartney and patrick dempsey, too. come back. you know the problem with tall things in small spaces?
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>> welcome back. paul mccartney and patrick dempsey are here tonight. gee y guillermo, do you know m many beatles songs? >> a few. >> if i say here comes the blank, what do you say? here comes the -- >> the wind? >> no. what did you see? >> the wind. >> the wean? >> no, the wind. >> the wind? >> yeah. >> how about this. a hard day's blank? a hard day's blank.
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>> long? >> i want to hold your blank? i want to hold your -- [ cheers and applause ] >> hand. >> hand. hand. >> that's right. that's cheating. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> did you have fun at the emmys? >> yeah, it was great. >> gee yuillermo has a unique s of interviewing. how do you conduct them? >> back to back. >> that's right. here is guillermo at the emmy awards back to back. ♪
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>> hi. i'm here with jack daniels. how are you? >> yeah. >> what? >> jeff. >> jeff daniels? >> not jack. >> oh, okay. are you having an a-1 day? >> i am having an a-1 day. are you? >> yes. >> are you hungry? i have a bread stick for you. >> i'm famished. i haven't eaten all day. >> can i have a bite? >> we will have to put it between us like that. that's delicious. >> that's good. >> that's wonderful. >> do you have it? >> that's terrific. >> nice? open your mouth. >> yeah.
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>> and look up, okay? >> yeah. yeah. >> okay. >> nothing? let me try again, okay? >> okay. i shouldn't close my eyes. i should keep my eyes open. >> yeah. >> go ahead. >> nothing? >> i'm sorry. i'm not good at sports. >> i'm going to tell you something. i'm going to trade you my shake weight for your emmy. >> what is that? a shake weight? how does it work? >> it is funny right? >> yeah, i like it. >> you want to see my emmy? >> you have an emmy? >> yeah. it's a silver emmy. >> beautiful. that's really nice. >> would you like mexican champagne? >> so much, yes. thank you, wow. this is very elegant.
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>> uh-huh. >> mmm. wow. thank you. i couldn't do that last year. >> i know. you were pregnant. yeah. >> yeah. >> is it tequila? >> yeah. >> i hope so. good? >> thank god. that is the first drink i have had tonight. i can't tell you how much i appreciate it. >> let's do another one. >> one, two, three. >> oh my god. >> wow. >> you got it? >> oh, that's good, man. >> daddy's champagne burns. >> are you guys wearing spanx? >> yes, sir. >> me, too. >> so tell me, how does it work with that son of a -- matt damon. >> he's like my son.
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it's great. >> is it true that he has a small penis. >> i'll talk to you later. >> can you tell my how "breaking bad" ends? >> it ends with a creredit roll and a commercial for boner pills. >> i have got to go make out with my wife. >> because you won an emmy you think you will have a lot of sex tonight? >> yes. yes. yes i do. >> is this tequila? >> it's mexican champagne. >> oh jeez. all right. ready. >> ready? >> go. >> that was [ bleep ], man. you got me wet. >> tonight on the show, patrick dempsey is here, and we'll be right back with paul mccartney. for real.
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jimmy: that's the guinness stage, eagerly awaiting paul mccartney. tonight on the program, you can
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see him and his dimples on the season premiere of grey's anatomy this thursday here on abc, patrick dempsey is here. and make sure to join us tomorrow night too, we have another big hollywood blvd concert with justin timberlake, hailee steinfeld will be with us, and later this week, jon hamm, rebel wilson, anthony bourdain, dave salmoni and his terrifying animals, and we'll have music from sons of the sea and avril lavigne. so join us for that. our first guest is a singer, songwriter, and left-handed bass player whose work will still be around long after our grandchildren are gone. his first album of new solo material in six years "new" comes out october 15th please welcome paul mccartney. [ cheers and applause ]
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. thank you. whoo! [ cheers and applause ] >> i think the only person that got a standing ovation besides you is don rickles. >> i would stand for don. >> of course. it's great to see you. you were originally in the beatles. >> well, yeah. the quartry men before them whih is another famous group. the beatles, man. >> that was great fun for you. i'm sure you are like yeah, another dinner. but it mean so much to the
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people at the dinner. i'm sure you're sick of telling and i'm sure your wife is sick of hearing over and over again. you told some interesting things. one of them that i wanted to ask you about is you had dreams about playing with the beatles and playing with wings. you have anxiety dreams to this day? >> yeah. i mean, you can't control what goes on in your dreams anyway. so i'm there, you know, let's say with the beatles. and we're playing. >> okay. what we do. what we do. quick. whoo! still waking up in a cold sweat. >> has that ever happened? has the audience ever left? >> no. no. in my dreams they have.
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>> next summer is the 50th anniversary of the first time the beatles played in los angeles. what do you remember about that trip? about your first time here in hollywood? >> well, a lot of screaming. >> uh-huh. >> it is, you know, great. >> it's not great any more. now when there is screaming in hollywood, it means like batman is being murdered outside. >> yeah, you know, beautiful girls. we were young, we were healthy and we were ready to roll. [ applause ] what came to my mind when you said that is they hosted a party which was a benefit, a little fundraiser and all the stars paid to have their kids come. so like dean martin's kids came.
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kirk douglas's. and all of these kids came. they were kind of younger than us. and we sort of shook hands like hello, how are you. it was kind of amazing to see the kids of the styles. >> now we see them in the magazines constantly. i think you may have met elvis presley on that first trip to hollywood? >> i'm not sure it's the first one but we did meet him. >> i know what i'm talking about. >> yours is just research. mine's memory. >> true. actually, i was there. >> you're probably right. you're probably right. yeah, i mean, come on. imagine that. we would, little kids from liverpool growing up hearing this first burst of rock and roll. ♪ since my baby left me
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we had not heard that kind of stuff. it was magical. we always wanted to meet him. his manager was avoiding us. >> really? >> so we kind of wrote dear elvis we would love to meet you. >> what is that about? >> i think we were a threat. >> really? >> elvis was really sort of popular but we were kind of taking over. >> it's hard to imagine you guys being beneath anyone. >> we were beneath many people in our day, believe me. >> you rolled with it, right? >> that's another story. [ applause ] >> did you ever have a normal job like working at a restaurant or something like that? >> i did. i had two normal jobs. the first one was second man on
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a truck. that is basically the guy who goes to sleep. so i would get there early in the morning and we would load the lori and then the driver would drive to the shop we were going to and he would let me sleep. he was a nice guy. so i would sleep for 20 minutes. he would give me a nudge, wake up, unload. it was a company called spd. speedy, prompt deliveries. >> you deliver all sorts of things or something in specific? >> boxes. >> just boxes? >> boxes of stuff. i never got to find out. >> the story is not at all interesting except for the fact that you're telling it. [ applause ] >> tell me more about these boxes. tonight we're going to continue chatting in just a moment. i have more stupid questions for you.
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this is the new album called "new." it comes out october 15. paul mccartney. we'll be right back. >> tonight's concert is brought to you by guinness. made of more. about our one hand adjuster... 'll tell you on our exclusive kenmore elite dishwasher. it's amazing what'll happen when... tall things have the right space. also amazing, jd power ranks... kenmore elite highest in customer satisfaction. one appliance store helps more people... find savings and solutions than any other. this is sears. it's as much as you like, any way you like. try classic garlic shrimp scampi and more. only $15.99, offer ends soon. so come in and sea food differently. now, try seven lunch choices for $7.99. sandwiches, salads and more.
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jimmy: on a night when paul
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mccartney is with us. when did you record the new album? >> various places. london. new york, la. >> at abby road? >> yes. >> do people go nuts when they see you walk into there. i have been to the studio and you take a picture walking across the street. when people see you there, do they flip out? >> you don't see me in the studio. i go in the back entrance. to do that, i have to go across the famous crossing. >> you do? >> and of course i have to stop. because they are on there getting a picture. and i sometimes think i should just get out. i will do it one day. >> laps around you. what was the first song you and john wrote together? do you remember which one that was? >> i think it was probably i saw
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her standing there. [ applause ] >> was that based on a true story? >> no. it was based on wishes, you know? you're that age, we couldn't get arrested with -- i mean, me and george would go to like the dance and we would sit around all evening and think ask someone to dance, go on. no you ask her. we never asked anyone until the last waltz. and then there would be no time for anything because the girl would go home and we have blown it. >> when you're on stage years later and all of these women are screaming are you like where were you? >> exactly. >> my mom is here, and of course she is a big fan of yours and
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she was watching in rehearsal and she just started crying, which i would imagine you get all the time. you probably think the world is filled with emotionally disturbed people. is that a burden because you do your work and you mean so much to people and to encounter that so frequently. >> you know, it's okay. they're not crying all the time. i make them laugh sometimes. there is is a little laughter there. it's actually very moving. you have got to be careful when you're playing. it can get you crying. you know? i remember this beautiful image of a father with a beard and he has had his daughter sort of cradled to him in the audience. and i'm singing ♪ let it be, let it be and he is just streaming tears
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and i'm going ♪ let it be, let it be it's not easy to work under that. but it's very beautiful. it's odd that i'm having that effect on them. i can't believe it. >> are there any unreleased beatles recording that you know of that we have not heard? >> yeah, but you wouldn't want to hear them. >> i have a feeling that a lot of people would. [ cheers and applause ] >> you know, there is one of two things. one that deep fans keep requesting, carnival of life. but it's very far out. >> we could handle it. >> you can handle far out for 15 minutes? >> yeah. we can just go crazy with the rest of them. [ applause ] well, this is the new album.
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mark is one of the producers? >> yes. >> he was your wedding d.j.? >> he was. he d.j.ed for us until 3:00 in the morning. >> his sister was my wedding d.j. and i hired her to produce some tracks on my new album. paul mccartney is here and he's going to play for us. come back. >> portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by -- there are so many things that we do on a daily basis.
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we run errands. we run to the grocery store.
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>> how are you? >> good, thank you. it's good to see you. >> good to be seen, thank you. >> did you meet paul? >> no, i haven't seen him yet. he goes in one door and i go in the other one. >> do you think he is aware of the movie, "can't buy me love." do you credit him for launching your career? >> i think it was originally called boy rents girl. i know. it sounds like a porno film. and one of the executives, they were like we need to come up with a new title. this is not testing well. so we said can't buy me love and get the beatles song. >> and it's hard to get a beatles song. >> i was spurprised they spent the money on it.
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>> do you think they spent more money than you made? >> i'm sure. >> how much did you make on that movie? >> what did you do with your first check? >> i bought a porsche convertible. very practical. i still have it. >> that's great. >> i drive it all the time. >> i saw this photograph. i know you're an avid auto enthusiast and this happened this weekend? >> outside of austin, texas, great new track. >> is that champagne? >> my co-driver is on the other side. >> who cares? >> i do. it was great. we had a good run. >> you got third? >> you get champagne sprayed on you for third? >> the top three spots. >> really? >> yeah. >> they always want to know if i'm going to win.
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when are you going to win and i'm like i'm trying. >> do they get excited by the trophies? >> they like to see the trophies. >> do you let them keep the trophies. >> i'm not allowed to keep them in the bedroom. >> is that your first inclination as to where you would place them, in the bedroom? like look at this honey. behold. she doesn't go for that? not in the bedroom. >> you have to look at the trophies. >> the bathroom is a nice place to admire them. >> that's where all trophies go. >> is that where you keep them? you don't keep any of that stuff around. >> no, i don't. >> do you? >> what makes you think i have trophies? >> i know. it's unfortunate about last night. >> what are you gonna do. >> the 200th episode of grey's anatomy. >> thank you. >> that is coming up. does abc buy you things?
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do they give you a car or your own hospital or anything like that? >> once everybody got cruises. >> is that right? >> that's true. gave the cast and crew all cruises. she turned into oprah and she was like you get a cruise and you get a cruise. >> is everyone going together on the cruise? >> i think they should. we should have one giant ship and go all together but that's not going to happen. >> so you're not going on a cruise? >> absolutely not. no desire to go on a cruise. >> you can't go on a cruise. >> you're trapped on those things. >> you would get chased off the ship. >> could you imagine? >> dempsey's on the cruise. let's bang on his door all night. >> i would be drunk the whole time. >> what will you do with the cruise? >> i will probably give it to someone. my mother or sister. >> that will be nice. somebody who is not so jaded. somebody whose bathroom isn't
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adorned with trophies they don't want to look at. >> you have got two kids on the show now. >> technically six. >> why? >> you have to have twins to work network television. union hours. i have twins at home and four on set. >> that's too many twins. >> too much. too much. i'm not sure children should be working in television. >> it's funny. television and movies is the only area where it's okay to make kids work. >> exactly. >> like you couldn't put them to work at foot locker. >> i don't know what it is. it's amazing they get on tv anyway. and they grow so quickly. >> that's the problem. >> and you can't get them to sit still. >> you have got to drug them and keep them there. >> thank god it's a medical show. >> are there any diseases left to solve? are there any cases left for you? >> we're going back to season one and just regegitating.
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>> will you come out and see paul mccartney. >> yes, that would be nice. >> we will be right back with paul mccartney. >> don't miss the jimmy kimmel live stream featuring exclusive off air concert from paul mccartney. it's the jimmy kimmel live screening brought to you by guinness. more character, more taste, more flavor. guinness, made of more.
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>> tonight's concert is brought to you by guinness, more taste, more flavor. guinness, made of more. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank patrick dempsey. my sincere apologies to matt damon. tomorrow night justin timberlake and haille steinfeld will be here. if you want to see this concert in it's entirety, go to for the jimmy kimmel live stream. here to start it off with the title track to his up coming album "new" the one, the only, paul mccartney. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ don't look at me it's
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way too soon to see what's gonna be don't look at me all my life i never knew what i could be what i could ♪ ♪ do then we were new ooh ooh ooh ooh you came along and made my life a song oh lucky day you came along ♪ ♪ just in time while i was searching for the light you came along then we were new ooh ooh we can ♪ ♪ do what we want we can live as we chose you see there's no guarantee we've got nothing to lose ♪ ♪ don't look at me i can't deny the truth it's plain
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to see don't look at me all my life ♪ ♪ i never knew what i could be what i could do then we were new ooh ooh we can do what we ♪ ♪ want we can live as we chose you see there's no guarantee we've got nothing to ♪ ♪ lose don't look at me it's way too soon to see what's gonna be don't look at me all ♪ ♪ my life i never knew what i could be what i could do when we were new ♪ ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh
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then we were new ooh ooh ooh ooh now we are new ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh [ cheers and applause ] ♪ lady madonna children at your feet wonder how you manage to make ends meet who finds the money when ♪ ♪ you pay the rent did you think that money was heaven
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sent friday night arrives without a suitcase sunday ♪ ♪ morning creep in like a nun mondays child has learned to tie his bootlace see how they run lady madonna baby ♪ ♪ at your breast wonder how you manage to feed the rest see how they run lady madonna lying on the bed listen to the music ♪


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