tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC June 22, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EDT
visiting. welcome to los angeles, home of the lakers, home of the clippers, neither of whom won the nba championship this year which is why we didn't have a parade today. there's a big parade in cleveland today to celebrate the first major title in, like, 800 years, and a weird thing happened. nobody showed up. it was just jr. smith on top of a pickup truck. maybe they didn't know they were supposed to have a parade. it's quite the opposite. more than a million fans celebrated. the last time there was this much excitement in the streets of cleveland was when lebron james left cleveland and more than a million fans gathered in the streets to burn his jersey. but all is forgiven. lebron scored 33 points, 12 assists. he can't help himself.
everyone was there. today's award for excellence in reporting goes for whomever runs the aud yes for sports center on espn. take a look. >> everyone loves a parade. and that's never been more true than in cleveland today. tell us about the scene today. what do you see? [ silence ] >> apparently dave can't hear us. >> but he is nodding that the scene is electric. >> jimmy: maybe he was electrocuted. i don't know. why is he nodding? what is he nodding at? we'll never know, i guess. this is an exciting time for cleveland. first the nba championship and next month the republican national convention. donald trump is getting ready. he's been stepping up his attacks on hillary clinton. he just launched a new website called lying, crooked
times today. every time i only got a blank page. i told them not to hire the guys who set up the obama care s website. he didn't listen. yesterday donald trump had a meeting with religious leaders, and he questioned hillary clinton and obama's faith. trump is very christian. he likes his testament the way he likes his wives, new. but as for hillary, trump said he warned these guys, he said the public doesn't know anything about her in terms of her religion, whereas we do know that he is a man of deep faith. in fact, his faith is so deep you can barely see any sign of it. his faith is like one of these see through fish at the very, very bottom of the ocean. you know the ones that are invisible because no light ever touches their bodys? that's how deep donald trump's faith is. he's
with beautiful hair. trump will be in scotland on friday to visit his newly renovated golf course. in the middle of his campaign. he's something else. it's hard to keep up with him and what he's doing and saying. we've been slowing him down to half speed to give us a chance to catch up. it's very helpful. [ slow speed ] >> americans, americans, the people we love, americans. america first. make our country great again. americans. [ applause ] >> jimmy: meanwhile hillary clinton's campaign is getting a boost from her former rival, president obama. obama is giving her his e-mail list. this is the list of donors that he used during his campaigns in 2008 and 2012.
her. what a great idea. she's had amazing luck with e-mails in the past. this should work out perfectly. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know the dirty superheros we have in the street? [ applause ] >> jimmy: they lure you into taking a photo and then they ask you for a tip. they have them in new york too, in times square. they've been having a lot of problem. there's been violence and qui fights. a new rule went into effect. they now have to stand inside a color coded rectangle in designated costume zones. >> city transportation department started painting zones. it's meant to limit the area with costume characters with pose for pictures. come can by dawson asked us to take a picture of him and lady liberty, but he wasn't expecting to pay. >> did you ask him for money to take the
>> is that okay with you? >> it's okay. i work for money. i have to pay for parking. i pay taxes. >> jimmy: the statue of liberty has to pay for parking. that's not right. the characters don't like it. they say it makes them feel like they're in jail, which may most likely look sooner or later. this is good practice. for now they're in a rectangle. eventually they're be confined to a manhole on 42nd. this is not from new york, far from it. a woman from alabama shot some video of a snake -- well, you'll see. >> hi, mr. snake. you're a long boy. that's the snake skin we saw. it was yours. huh? i'm going to touch you on the tail and see what you do. whoa. you're mean. you're a bad snake. he bit at my
[ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: every person in this room knew how that was going to end, and, yet, we were still surprised. guillermo, you did something kind of scary today, didn't you? >> guillermo: very scary. >> jimmy: guillermo, there's a new attraction opening here in l.a. on saturday. it's called oueue sky scraper. there's a glad slide. it's on the side of this building. it's like you're in the middle of the air. you slide down this thing. it's on the 70th floor. they offered me one of the first official rides, so i said yes, guillermo would love to do that. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm not going up there. are you afraid of heights? >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: as a favor to guillermo, i gave him the opportunity to f
fears today on the sky slide. >> guillermo: hi, it's me guillermo. i'm here at oue sky space l.a. there's a sky slide. i'm going to go on top of the building and then go outside and then i'm going to slide. it's a terrible idea -- super idea. but i'm going to do it. well, i'm going to try it. thank you, jimmy kimmel. i'm going to go get a drink first. [ bleep ] you, jimmy kimmel. it's coffee -- beer. what floor are we going to, guys? >> 54. >> guillermo: 54. now we go to another elevator. what floor are we going to
>> 70. >> guillermo: 70? oh, my. okay. here we are on the 70th floor. i still think this is one of the dumbest idea we ever done on the show. for sure two things are going to happen. one, i'm going to close my eyes. second, i'm going to [ bleep ] my pants. [ applause ] >> guillermo: it's too high. and how thick is the glass? >> the glass is three ply and it's about an inch and a quarter thick in total. >> guillermo: john, i want to ask you a private question. if this is a white man idea? >> i'll have to say that, um, there were many of us involved with creating this.
good luck. >> jimmy: will you go with me? >> unfortunately, no. >> you're going to come over here and have a seat on the mat. put your feet forward and then i'll give you the instructions. come on. don't be afraid. >> guillermo: you sure? >> yeah. it's only 1,000 feet above l.a. >> guillermo: oh, [ bleep ]. don't tell me that again. i hope this thing is like sex, real fast. >> i promise you'll be fine. [ applause ] >> guillermo: okay. all right. i'm going to close my eyes. okay. okay. [ bleep ]. >> you have to keep all the way on the rug. >> guillermo: yeah. >> wait. where are you going? >> guillermo: oh, my. you know, this is a stupid idea, but [ bleep ]. i'm going to use the restroom first. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: tell my wife and my son that i love them,
you see beyonce too, tell her i love her. >> i'll be sure to tell her. all right. enjoy. [ cheers ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. i hope we got it. i'm not doing it again. >> guillermo: there you go. i hope you got it. i'm done. ready for a beer. >> jimmy: see that? you did a good job. was it fun? >> guillermo: it was okay. >> jimmy: would you like to do it again tomorrow? >> guillermo: no way. >> jimmy: thank you, guillermo. when we come back, we have some amazing technology to show you. a professor from stanford came up with a facial transforming software that you have to see to
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youtube and asked you to come here. you were kind enough to come down and do this. before we explain how this works -- not that we'll understand it. let's show people what's going on. >> you look in the camera, and you're going to show something right now. >> jimmy: okay. looking in the camera. and now i am -- hello, everybody, i'm the heavy weight champion of the world. mr. mike tyson. my eyebrows work and everything. look at that. so i can become mike tyson. maybe you know me from my feature film, the hangover? or perhaps you know me better as the man who bit another man's ears off his head. [ applause ] >> this is a dream come true for me. >> jimmy: i've never fel
physically invinigerated than right now. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you do a little scan. this would cause a lot of problems for mike tyson personally. why is he mimicking everything i say in hi, mike. wow, that's unbelievable. you can put my face on anybody's head? >> pretty much. we need a youtube video of 20 seconds or so, approximately, when the person is talking in an interr interview, and then we'll show what's going on on a different one. >> jimmy: very good. >> let's see what we got. this takes just a couple seconds. what's happening is we're loading the video right now, and what we do is reconstruct a 3-d mesh of yours and the other. and we compute the difference between your facial expossess n
we run the video and edit it in realtime. >> jimmy: are you the most handsome professor in the world? [ applause ] >> jimmy: going to get you on the bachelor. put you on the bachelor, oh, my god. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you wouldn't need 25 girls. you could just make them in your laboratory. >> all right, all right, all right. >> jimmy: all right. okay. that's me? >> that's you. what we're going to do right now is reconstruct your face. >> jimmy: good. >> on one side you see the original video. we take three pictures of you. the first one, look a little bit to the right. a little to the left. now in the background what's going on right now, we reconstruct your face and figure out your beard. that's important to us. it looks great, by the way. >> jimmy: thank you. >> all the other guys, i should ask you to shave your period. >> jimmy: no. i will sha
my beard. [ cheers and applause ] >> all right. now on the other side right here you see essentially a synthetic face of yourself, and you can see that right now we can overlay stuff on it. we track your face as you move it around. >> jimmy: i'm playing myself right now? >> you are. >> jimmy: what's that on my face? >> that's where we submit the cool stuff. >> jimmy: okay. wow. look at that. all right. >> okay. so now we do the next thing. and if you hold still for a moment. >> jimmy: okay. >> just look at the side of the camera and let's see what we've got right now. all right. >> jimmy: hello, this is karl malone from the utah jazz. hey, everybody. what's up? what's happening? what's your name? scientist
where are you from? what's that accent? where's that from? i'm talking to you. >> me? [ laughter ] >> he's a great guy. i really like him. >> jimmy: you know him? >> not personally. >> jimmy: well, karl malone love you do. that's right. i love brat wurs. why they call it bratwurst? it should be called brat good. let's go on the street and see if we can find someone who wants to talk to karl malone. guillermo, ask him if he wants to talk to karl malone. >> i do. >> jimmy: what's your name? >> joey. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> texas. >> jimmy: karl malone play your spurs many times. there were good battles. karl malone got his elbows up in tim duncan's head. what's your queio
malone, joey? >> my question is, what type of women are you into? >> jimmy: oh, karl malone like all kind of women. karl malone like black women, white women, women from all countries all over the world, women with one leg. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's right. karl malone call them hoppy women. karl malone love all kind of women. this is whiting talking to karl malone, ain't it? >> yes. >> jimmy: it's exciting for karl malone to talk to joey too. you keep going. >> i will. >> jimmy: give guillermo a kiss on the cheek for me. there we go. that's good. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's awesome. maybe we should let bill hader try it. he actually knows how to do impersonations. [ applause ] >> jimmy: tonight's show we have music from
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the samsung outdoor stage. tomorrow night, kevin nealon will be here. d.j. khaled will join us. and we'll have music from christina aguilera. >> jimmy: it's been said that haders are gonna hate, hate, hate, but our first guest brings nothing but joy and frivolity wherever he goes. his new movie comes from steven spielberg. disney's "the bfg" opens july 1st. please say hello to bill hader. [ applause ] >> thank you. a nice group of people. >> jimmy: they are nice. they've been vetted, and they are nice. >> they're very nice. >> jimmy: you're nice for being here too.
with your best friend lebron james at the parade. >> no. i'm not a sports fan. >> jimmy: not at all? >> not at all. apparently people were on twitter when lebron got hurt and were like someone get bill hader in there. i was getting texts like are you seeing this? i was at home watching a documentary about a bass player from the weather report. i was like is everyone as big of a weather report fan as i am? yeah, this is crazy. what an insane life. >> jimmy: you've not kept in close touch with lebron since shooting the film? >> no. >> jimmy: how about that? that's disappointing. >> just to bum everyone out. i'm not a doctor, either. >> jimmy: you're not? i was going to ask you to look at something. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do people, when they see you in public, do they want you to do your
do they start doing your characters to you? >> yeah. yeah. that's weird. >> jimmy: you don't like it? >> i get that a lot, people coming up to me. but the one i get -- i usually get mistaken for other people. >> jimmy: really? >> i've had so many people come up and go i love "last man on earth". i love that show. i'm like that's not me. i'll let them know. and i still get it's dwight from "the office". i'm not dwight. >> jimmy: you aren't? who else aren't you? >> the weirdest one was a guy who came up and said yo, i love "the stand". i was like do you think i'm steven king? he's like you're not? i'm like he's, like, 70 years old, and i went home and told my wife and she's like he's 70 years old and creepy
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: there he is. yeah. >> hey, guys. >> jimmy: probably because you do something people so well. think of it that way. i think this is a crazy thing. i'd love to know the story behind this. you got a credit in sc"star war as a voice consultant to bb 8? >> yeah. the little guy. jj abrams called me and said, hey, do you want to do a voice in "star wars." i said sure, yeah. oh my gosh. i came over and he didn't tell me it's basically the new r2-d2 character. i came in and he started playing the movie for me. it was cool. i started trying things to do picture, and i'd not seen the movie. first time i've ever seen it and i'm in a booth going oh, my god,
god. [ laughter ] >> and then. [ making noises ] >> how did you get them all back? jj? this is so cool. we can't use any of that. but it ended up being i did a bunch of bad voices, and then it ended all being an ipad that jj had hooked up to the peter frampto talk box like a tube. he's going [ making noises ] and i am, and we watched the whole thing. >> jimmy: is your voice in there at all? >> no. i'm a consultant. >> jimmy: oh. well, that's nice. >> it's nice. he's just a nice person just to give me a credit. i think he's just, like, jj abrams is the nicest guy. it was the giant surprise. i didn't know about it. i was watching the movie
name came up. now i could have my own booth at come kon. >> jimmy: you could. jj abrams, you worked with. but steven spielberg is a guy you work with in this movie which we're going to see a clip from the movie when we come back. it's mind boggling to me that this -- it's even more impressive than the technology that turned me into karl malone. . >> i don't know. same thing, a super hot german dude onset. everybody was like oh, boy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's a professor. when we come back, we'll see a clip from the "bfg". we'll be right back with that. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by "odd mom out." watch new episodes every monday and catch up on-demand now. only by bravo.
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>> frolic. >> frolic. >> what's really funny, you know, like, oh, yeah, right. >> jimmy: that is bill hader as a giant. his movie opens july 1st. that's pretty crazy looking. i think we take this for granted how unbelievable that looks. >> i know. it's unreal, and we all have these weird suits with poke adots on it. sounds like we were all in your jammies. i was trained by this guy, terry. we all went to giant school. >> jimmy: for real? >> yeah. we learned to walk like giants. >> jimmy: why does terry know how to walk like giants? >> i don't know. it's like we got terry. i'll teach you how to walk like giants, all right? >> jimmy: how do you walk like a giant? >> you have to, like, basically like you have a bad back.
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a good reference for a mononsports fan. >> boom. my dad is like here at home. >> jimmy: did you work with steven spielberg. was he on the set? >> yeah. that was crazy. i'm a huge film nerd. >> jimmy: did you pepper him with questions. >> people were like be cool. i'm like let's start from the beginning. denn dennis wefr. weave re. what was it like? >> jimmy: we'd like to do another transformation if we could. they set up arnold schwarzenegger. that's an impression you do. >> yeah. used to be a guy i worked for. i was a pa on a
"collateral damage". and i was arnold schwarzenegg schwarzenegger's pa. >> jimmy: and you got along with him? >> yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. well, is there anything special bill has to do to prepare for this. look into the camera? >> a little bit to the right. >> this is really hot, matias. >> jimmy: you got him? >> it's reconstructing. >> jimmy: you've been captured. all right. let's put arnold schwarzenegger up. >> okay, and now we should try to talk a little bit. >> jimmy: okay. >> hey. >> jimmy: wow. >> i'm bill. remember me? it's me. remember? >> jimmy: wow. >> you used to work for me. that's scary. in that movie, his catch phrase was open up the door. there's a bomb
>> jimmy: that was his catch phrase? [ applause ] >> i opened up the door -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why would you open the door if there's a bomb in there? >> why don't you just say, guys, there's a bomb in there. say open up the door. well, you didn't say open the door. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: open up the door there's a bomb in there. >> someone wrote that. arnold, we got your line. what is it? and this is the dinner they had. we had a dinner with arnold to tell him his line. what is it? is it open up the door there's a bomb in there? you want to hear a joke? i used to be the governor of california. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: bill hader, everyone. "the bfg" opens in theaters july 1st. we'll be right back with maria bamford. officials are reporting, this new doritos mix is responsible for the worldwide bold outbreak.
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plays a bipolar woman who returns home to l.a. after six months in a facility, and it's a comedy. it's called "lady dynamite." it is streaming on netflix now. please welcome maria bamford. [ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how you doing? >> good. >> jimmy: your show is very funny. i watched, i think four or five episodes of it last weekend with my wife, and we enjoyed it. it's very strange, but breezy and fun, and part that i wonder about, and i want to ask you about, supposedly it's based on your real life, but it doesn't seem like it could be based on anyone's real life. >> yes, there's a surreal aspect to it. some parts of it are completely real, like the psychiatric facilities, i
more depressing. psych wards are like an art director came in and said let's take pieces of the puzzles out of all the puzzles and put a line of six people waiting for a little sack of grkram graham cr. >> jimmy: there's a real situation? >> that's the real situation. it's more cheerful, i think. >> jimmy: and i think the audience is a little uncomfortable now, but it's true. [ laughter ] >> i'm so sorry. >> jimmy: don't be sorry. you're the one that had to go in there. >> i know. >> jimmy: we should be more supportive. >> yes. [ applause ] >> and i didn't want to go in myself. because i was so worried what if somebody finds out, and this is what happens if somebody finds out. i was in the psych ward. a woman came up to me and said, i actually know you not personally but from
i want to let you know, this is totally confidential, and i would never tell -- i would never tell anyone -- um, i won a county stamped gown and gripper socks that weren't my own. you tell whoever you want. all is lost. >> jimmy: you definitely made lemonade out of the situation with this television show. it's called "lady dynamite." why is it called "lady dynamite"? >> i think it's a joke on the fact that i do not have very much energy now that i'm properly medicated, and -- laughter ]. >> jimmy: your parents on the show are played by mary kate place and ed baggily junior. who great actors. were your real parents happy to be played by them? >> my dad thought he should have the role. he felt like at least he should have gotten an audition, and my
mom was just grateful that the mom was so thin. my mom is a lifelong weight watchers member, and is constantly obsessed with points. she's so enraged over that mcdonald's ice cream cone that once it was one point and now it's three points. oh, how terrible. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they changed the recipe? >> no. i think it's just the unfairness of life sometimes. >> jimmy: you got married recently as well? >> yes. yes. >> jimmy: congratulations. [ applause ] >> jimmy: what is your husband's name? >> scott. he's a painter. he has a show this weekend at a college. he's a delight. we met on okay cupid. >> jimmy: for real? i didn't know people still went there. >> i know. i was an older bride. what is, is it a specter from the attic? we met about three years
i'm sure there's something else people use now as a technology. >> jimmy: you hear about match.com. i don't know if people go on e-harmo e-harmony. tinder is one of them. >> i did e-harmony. pricey, and a lot of christians. that's all i'm going to say. nothing against christianity, but come on now. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what did you -- your profiles matched up? >> we had a 98% similarity rate, and i think the kicker was that i changed my profile name. i initially had something more vague. i had funny, thoughtful, and that cast too wide a net, and so i changed it to hog book. [ laughter ] >> which, i love words, and i like those two words together. i don't like the idea of writing a book about a hog, but just calling it a a hog
guy. >> jimmy: one guy? he loves a good hog book. have you determined the 2% difference? >> i think it's the part where i like to tear open packages of food and leave caps off beverages and leave them around, and he's said kindly and sweetly many times, why, and i explain i'm a raccoon. i need to get in there, get what's good, be on my way. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: well, the show is very, very funny. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: congratulations on that and the hog book and the marriage and really everything. maria bamford, her show "lady dynamite" is on netflix. we'll be right back with dnce. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert se
>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank my bill hader, maria bamford, and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next. but first, their e.p. is called "sway", here with the song "toothbrush" -- dnce! ♪ baby you don't have to rush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place ♪ ♪ we don't need to keep it hush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place ♪ ♪ stuck in a limbo half hypnotized each time i let you stay the night stay the night ♪ ♪ up in the morning tangled in sheets we play the moment on repeat on repeat ♪ ♪ when you're standing there
and my t-shirt from the night before ♪ ♪ with your messed up hair and your feet still bare would you mind closing the bedroom door ♪ ♪ baby you don't have to rush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place ♪ ♪ we don't need to keep it hush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place ♪ ♪ 'cause i just i just can't let you go give me something i never know ♪ ♪ so baby you don't have to rush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place ♪ ♪ no need to question next time we meet ♪ ♪ i know you're coming home with me
♪ sweat like a sauna break out the ice i know you're gonna stay the night stay the night ♪ ♪ when you're standing there in your underwear and my t-shirt from the night before ♪ ♪ with your messed up hair and your feet still bare would you mind closing the bedroom door ♪ ♪ baby you don't have to rush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place ♪ ♪ we don't need to keep it hush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place ♪ ♪ 'cause i just i just can't let you go give me something i never know ♪ ♪ so baby you don't have to rush you can leave a toothbrush at my place
at my place ♪ ♪ i don't want this to end and there's no need to play pretend ♪ ♪ if you stay with me again would you mind closing the bedroom door ♪ ♪ baby you don't have to rush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place ♪ ♪ we don't need to keep it hush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place ♪
this is "nightline." >> tonight, crooks cleaning up. with apparent counterfeit products, fake tide, downy and much more. when what you see isn't what you get. the big business crime on the rise. tonight we're with investigators checking in on dodgy derer the gent and putting it to the test. >> plus sequels like "indepdendence day: resurgence." are these global special effects enough to save a summer block buster? >> you were too young to see the original movie? >> to make the big screen box office sizzle again, turning back time, but where's will? >> wait until i get another