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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  June 1, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am EDT

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spicy, crispy at kchicken sandwiches. e... not because it is easy... but because it is hard. we choose not only to launch kfc's new zinger sandwich and a $5 dollar fill up... but to take it to space. will it be easy? no. will it be hard? yes. we've already covered that. but when we succeed... we will lick our fingers good! space sandwich! yeah! try the zinger sandwich before it goes to space.
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>> mike: late night tonight, kimmel's got sarah silverman and jimmy butler of the chicago bulls. and stay tuned after the game on the west coast, when kevin hart joins jimmy for "game night." final score here in game one of these nba finals, warriors, 113, the cavs, 91. "sportscenter" currently airing on espn. we'll have full postgame coverage. so, for producer tim corrigan, director jimmy moore, of course, for jeff van gundy, mark jackson, doris burke and our entire abc crew, mike breen saying thank you so much for watching abc, home of the nba finals. see you game two. ♪ i got joy inside my dna ♪ i got hustle ♪ ambition ♪ flow inside my dna cavs and dubs. game two sunday at 8:00 eastn
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on abc.
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head in now to grab the five dollar footlong spicy italian. loaded with salami and pepperoni. for a limited time, the spicy italian footlong is just five dollars. it's a big value for even gger flavor. only at subway.
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of tiger woods. we are now hearing his voice. stash gunsthe doctor in the trump hotel. new information about his motives. anchor: the u.s. is out. >> the u.s. will with straw from the paris accord. >> do not give in. fight back. [captioning performed by the national captioning institute, which is responsible for its caption content and accuracy. visit ncicap.org] >> do you have a message for your family back at home? anchor: the doctor accused of checking into the trump hotel armed to the teeth. anchor: bryan moles
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had a semi-are manic rifle and a loaded pistol and survival gear in his car and $10,000 cash. he has been released to a hotel tonight. say aboutat did he why he had come here and brought all of that stuff with him? allison, jonathan and that is what detectives are trying to get to the root of. court documents indicate that he came here trying to meet president trump. in with d.c.run police started with a voicemail he left on a friends machine on tuesday. he said that he would meet with the president. he said that he was a refugee intent on bringing down big pharmacy and big business medicine. he bra
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like timothy mcveigh. was convicted for the oklahoma city bombing in 1995, which killed 168 people. pennsylvania state police alerted d.c. police and they found him at the trump hotel. glock,und and ar-15, a and ammo. police also found $10,000 in leftin his safe jerod he $4.19 in his bank account because that is important to him. that is the same date as the oklahoma city bombing. , who is also a veteran, is only charged with unlawful possession of a firearm. life outside of the courthouse. anchor:
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this just in to our newsroom. brand-new video of tiger woods in florida. listen as he responds to the officers. >> can we get your full name? >> tiger woods. hair and eye color? >> mostly brown. the legendary golfer was arrested on memorial day after he was asleep tiny we'll. it was an unanticipated reaction to prescription drugs. jonathan: a tractor-trailer caught fire. this was under the bridge. police tell us that the tractor-trailer hit a car. no reports of injuries. you could imagine that traffic will be snarled over quite some time. a massive protest at the white
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monumental shift in u.s. policy. president trump quitting a monumental climate agreement. jonathan: these are all of the countries that are part of the paris agreement. the three on the right, the united states, syria, nicaragua, not on it. the president says this was a bad deal for america. >> we do not want other leaders and other countries laughing at us anymore. alison: he says that the agreement was not good for the u.s. economy. environmental officials are in an uproar. our tim barber joins us with more. tim? green lights are being projected at the base of the wilson building in solidarity with the paris agreement. the president announced a pull
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under the shadow of the white house -- >> shut trump down. >> this decision affects everyone. reporter: this protest is about the controversial move to pull out of the paris climate change agreement. a president that just negotiated the worst is this deal of his life. this is a business president. reporter: the president says that walking away is good because the obama administration did a bad job to go sheeting the deal. ask if your kid had a two degree fever, taking it from 98-100 degrees, you would be alarmed. we are trying to keep temperatures below two degrees celsius. reporter: environmentalists believe that the president's
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devastating for all countries. withdrawing from the agreement could take years, because of the complexity of the agreement. this will be a big story we will follow for years to come. of course, some supporting the president's decision. among them, house speaker paul ryan. he called the paris agreement a raw deal. morehan: you can read about trump's decision and what it means for international relations. alison: a lot of us will be glued to the tv one week from today very we found out that fired fbi director james comey will testify on june 8. he will talk about private conversations with the president as the world watches. jonathan: an update on a story that you wch
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news. a girl groped at arlington national cemetery. we put you on the lookout or this guy. he has turned himself in. his name has not yet been released. >> first forecast from stormwatch 7 on this thursday evening. temperatures in the upper 60's inside the capital beltway. cooler off to the north and west. if you loved the weather today, you will love what is on the way tomorrow. degrees.s to around 80 a little cooler than what we have this afternoon. we will have thunderstorms for part of this upcoming weekend. i will give you that in a few minutes. alison: the disturbing new video that metro police want you to take a look at. passengers walking the escalator when one of them is attacked
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knocks to the ground. it happened at the waterfront metro station back in april. it appears to be an unprovoked attack. metro police looking for the attackers in this video. police are asking anyone with information to come forward. push to stopht, a crime in d.c. by installing more cameras. you can install for a voucher to install more cameras. this is open to renters as well as property owners. applicants must be receiving public assistance to qualified. jonathan: a woman attacked in woodbridge. the woman was walking when she was grabbed from behind. he took her to a nearby area, asked her for money, and then bit her and have first braveed -- pepper sprayed
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after barricading himself in a hotel room. witnesses heard several gunshots. they could see smoke coming from the top floor. >> i can hear gunshots. people are screaming and running out of the building. early reports said a number of men dressed in bl ack stormed the casino. investigators have ruled out terrorism. they say that they may have been going after the money in the casino. alison: new developments now. flight a united airlines out of chicago. look at this. this is what passengers saw, flames coming from one of the engines. e
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flock of geese and would have to land right away. >> it was moving back and forth. >> i was shaking. united put the passengers on another plane that took off about two and a half hours later. jonathan: some immigration flyers around the district. they were found near seventh and g streets. the posters claim to be from ice, and cite the criminal code including harboring illegal aliens. ice says that they are fakes. >> we are going to be vigilant. we are going to make sure people have the right information. jonathan: d.c. is a sanctuary city, which means that police are not required to coo
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adding more nurses to provide around-the-clock services for survivors across northern virginia. staffing is an important part of it. many have to wait hours or drive long distances. >> that lapse in time can deter people from talking to law enforcement and getting what they need. alison: advocates say there is a need for services here. and one day, they provided care for 10 patients. jonathan: it is a teacher shortage. close to two dozen teachers resigning from ballou senior high school this year. amy talked to parents and teachers about this issue. reporter: they have dropped 21 teachers. it is a disturbing trend tha
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permanent teachers in their classrooms. often times without instruction at all. reporter: it is not just ballou. northeastchools in have been hit hard by these vacancies. the coast theme children need a full program. they need certified teachers that care about them. reporter: she is a substitute teacher at anacostia high school and a grandparent of a graduating senior at ballou. she is concerned about other students. >> i want these children to know. reporter: councilmember white requested a public meeting to discuss the high number of teacher resignations. >> i just want the best for the young students.
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give everything that they have. seven is on your side with some consumer news. the battle to bring your shopping cart right to your door. droprt is asking people to packages off on their way home. if someone orders something along their commute, they will be asked to drop it off. alison: a hard-fought national spelling bee at national harbor tonight. i was glued to it. jonathan: i cannot remember how she spelled that. just a short time ago, the winner. a i n.r o c jonathan: ding ding ding. she took him the title. alison: in case you are curious, the word that she won with, mayor
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marocain, is a fabric. jonathan: she looks like she is having so much fun up there. alison: smart kid. jonathan: we are on storm watch next. >> what a great start to june it was. could this weather be sticking
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the insurance companies and the credit card companies and the wall street banks - that's what tom perriello is about. i was proud to stand with president obama because progressive causes have been my life's work. i'm tom perriello, and i'm running for governor
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raise wages, eliminate the burden of student debt and protect our climate. together we really can build a virginia that works for everyone.
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steve: if your allergies are bothering you, the reason could be treated pollen. grass has been growing like crazy. your neighbors are probably cutting their lawns. the high today hit a high of 85 degrees at reagan national airport. tomorrow almost looks like a carbon copy. the stormwatch 7 radar, if you are looking for clouds, head to the south of us. for showers, you are not going to find any up or down the east coast. tomorrow, it will be bright and sunny to start the
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temperatures in the 50's and 60's. it will not stay there very long. you will hardly see anything going on here. lots of sunshine through the afternoon hours here in outdoor dining tomorrow night, traveling at the delmarva beaches, you will not have any weather related delays, at least not tomorrow. the high will make it to around 80 degrees or so. not to worry about. feels-like temperature's, upper 70's for most of the day. really,in, looking really nice out there here it for saturday, low humidity. get your outdoor plans out of the way, at least early on. could be looking at showers and thunderstorms. highs will be around 85 degrees. beach cast over the weekend. mid-80's on saturday. a better chance for a few storms
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through the weekend, we are at 86 degrees on monday. thunderstorms, cooling down on tuesday and wednesday. a warming trend as we move thro vo: delivering cleaner, reliable energy... creating jobs for our veterans... helping those in need save money on their energy bills. it takes 16,000 dominion energy employees doing the job. and now, dominion energy is investing $15 billion to build and upgrade our electric and natural gas infrastructure... creating jobs now and for the future. across virginia, we're building an economy that works for everyone and dominion energy is helping power the companies that power our economy.
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jonathan: new at 11:00, freeing yourself with -- from america's toughest burdens. alison: the responses growing. she has the meaning behind sore. >> we all bear a burden that holds us back. >> self-doubt, fear. reporter: something that weighs us down. >> isn't this cool? reporter: thursday night in a -- alexandria, hundreds fled to a unique art installation. this is the brai
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belmont. >> you select a rock. it is something that you are ready to let go of. you write the thing on the rock. when you are ready to let it go, you put it down, and you put up an origami bird. >> it is a positive energy. being able to let out negativity. >> how am i going to get through it? her life she said that would be on track if she could let go of one thing. >> you see all of the things that are holding people back. reporter: her rock carries a burden deep and dividing. >> i am a recent cancer survivor. it is not cancer. it is the fear of everything that comes along with cancer. reporter:
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on ourselves, maybe all we need to do is change the canvas. bird to lifteda away. jonathan: a class projects like no other. alison: a fifth grade class using a 3-d printer to make a hand for a first grader. [applause] alison: joshua was born without one hand. the class worked for weeks learning about prosthetics. it all led up to this life-changing moment. >> i feel happy. i will be able to do stuff i was never able to do with my hand. here, the you can see hand is a custom fit and is spiderman themed. >> that is the sweetest. i love that. jonathan: golden state, they are off and running. >> game one
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finals, a game use all right here on abc seven. it will be interesting to hear what the cavaliers' ans
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>> it is the rematch we ha a
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warriors-cavaliers. part three of the nba finals. while lebron james and the cavs are considered underdogs, you can never count lbj out. maybe you could in this one. durant started fast. down the lane for the jam. the cavs kept it close in the first. the thunderous slamdunk there. lebron finished with 28. to the third quarter we go. at is where the warriors pulled away. on lebron.g tight d the warriors win game one in convincing fashion 113-91. abc seven. on >> they are a veteran team and they have been in this situation before. they are not going to panic.
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have an advantage. it is a veteran group. they know what they need to do. the challenge for them and for us is, are we going to go out and do it again? erin: we will see what they do on sunday. the orioles relied on the long ball to beat the red sox. mark trumbo, davis, and jonathan tonight aswent deep they start their way to a 7-5 win. three-gamels begin a series in oakland on friday. jonathan: do you know what is scary about the warriors tonight? it looked like they were not playing great. erin: some of their players did not even contribute that much. im did you know 90% of couples disagree on mattress firmness? fortunately there's a bedrs did nowhere you both get what you. im want every night. enter sleep number and the semi-annual sale going on now.
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alison: well, it is friday. steve: it is going to be gorgeous and the afternoon. high temperatures around 80 degrees. 80 degrees on saturday. do not forget, d.c. united playing the la galaxy. thunderstorms late in the day on saturday. upper 80's. i should say on monday. cooling down on tuesday, wednesday, thursday. tomorrow on saturday, no big storm. there will be low humidity. we need to leave, everyone. jonathan: thank you for staying up late. happy friday. be back tomorrow.
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me to listen carefully. i'm ralph northam,aught and when survivors of the virginia tech shooting asked me to support an assault weapons ban and close the gun show loophole, i took on the fight. i saw what those weapons can do as an army doctor during the gulf war. now, i'm listening carefully to donald trump, and i think he's a narcissistic maniac. whatever you call him, we're not letting him bring his hate into virginia.
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head in now to grab the five dollar footlong spicy italian. loaded with salami and pepperoni. for a limited time, the spicy italian footlong is just five dollars. it's a big value for even gger flavor. only at subway.
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my name's dorothy. i'm the own o
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jones barbecue in oakland, california. our special tonight is our homemade meats. that comes with two sides of cornbread for the price of $18. let's get this show started! >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, sarah silverman, from the chicago bulls, jimmy butler, judge james, "this week in unnecessary censorship," and music from post malone. and now, hang tight, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you very much. hello, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank for watching. thanks to all of you for comg.
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hello again to those of us who joined us earlier in primetime for "nba game sheet special," shame on those who didn't. the cleveland cavaliers faced off against the golden state warriors in a matchup that some are describing as basketball. [ laughter ] not only was it the first game of the nba finals, it is also today the first day of june. june is something that happens almost every year. [ laughter ] for some reason this year it caught a lot of people by surprise. >> it is thursday, june 1st. >> cannot believe it, can you? >> do you believe it, it's june 1st. >> hard to believe it's june. >> hard town are june is already. >> hard to believe today is june first. >> i can't believe it's june. >> it's hard to believe it's june 1st. >> it's upjune 1st. >> i can't believe it's june. >> i know, june 1st. >> i cannot believe it's already june 1st. >> hard to believe it's june already. >> it's june. >> it is june. >> can you believe it's june already? >> no, it's unbelievable. >> do you believe it?
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that we're in june? >> may went by quickly. >> first day of june, flipping the calendar over, make sure you do -- go accordingly, nothing worse than starting to write on it "may," and darn, it's june already. >> jimmy: that is the worst, it's worse than lyme disease. [ cheers and applause ] i get it. how can you really be surprised by june? may is the longest month. it goes on forever. it's like being surprised by the moon. where the hell did you come from? president trump rang in the first of june with a major announcement. no one loves to announce an announcement more than donald trump. on twitter last night, he wrote, i will be announcing my decision on paris accord thursday at 3:00 p.m., the white house rose garden, make america great again. it made sense that he did it from the rose garden. while we still have roses and gard gardens. [ laughter ] the message he did deliver today was one of hope. as in, i
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prank america decided to play on itself is over soon. >> in order to fulfill my solemn duty to protect america and its citizens, the united states will withdraw from the paris climate accord -- [ laughter ] >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he does have some support. i really hope that when the ice caps melt, it ruins every rug at mar-a-lago. i know that's harsh but it's just how i feel. by the way it isn't just environmentalists who want us to remain a part of the paris accord. exxonmobil lobbied to stay in it. shell wanted us in it. walmart supported it. apparently big companies ran the numbers, turns out if climate change destroys hum
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earth, it could be bad for business. [ laughter ] this deal that trump backed out of, this is a deal that was signed by 194 other countries. the only two countries who are not part of the paris accord, besides us, are nick walkiaragu syria. and they're doing great. i guess it's not a surprise, the fact that he pulled out. the president has been very big on pulling out ever since he had donald jr. [ drumroll ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks, everybody. meanwhile, i'm sure you know about covfefe at this point, right? so just after midnight yesterday the president wrote, despite the constant negative press covfefe. and that was it. and with that puzzling half-sentence, for a brief shining moment, donald trump made twitter great again. [ laughter ] twitter went absolutely berserk. not since phil collins gave us
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been so utterly fascinated and perplexed. you know a typo is bad when even melania is like, i'm pretty sure that's not english, donald. even after trump deleted the tweet, which he almost never does, sean spicer claimed it was intentional. he said it wasn't a typo or a stroke. he said the president -- [ laughter ] and a small group of people know what it means. which is very mysterious and i wanted to get to the bottom of it. i sent our foreign correspondent, that's him. [ cheers and applause ] to a neighborhood here in l.a. that is predominantly russian. you know trump's tight with them. so i sent guillermo to pull this nesting doll apart to see if the code word trump used rang any bells there. >> covfefe. covfefe.
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>> no comprende, no kapiche, no understand. >> covfefe. >> i don't understand. >> covfefe. >> i don't understand. what are you speaking about? >> covfefe. >> i have no idea. >> covfefe. >> no, no no -- >> covfefe. >> no speak. >> covfefe? >> no. >> no covfefe? >> no covfefe. >> covfefe? >> covfefe. what is it? >> covfefe. >> it's not russian. >> covfefe? >> no. >>? >> covfefe. candy. >> close to candy? covfefe? >> candy. >> covfefe? >> yes. >> we learned that it's close to candy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. we'll get to the bottom of it. very well done, guillermo.
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my work as talk show host, i also serve as a tv judge. i hear cases along with my trusty bailiff. these are real cases brought by real litigants in small claims court who have agreed to put their legal faith in the always fair and sensible hands of judge james. >> this is the plaintiff. amber harrison. she claims the defendant entered into an agreement to promote her line of wigs but did not fulfill his obligation. she's suing for $3,400. this is the defendant, dante hall. he maintains the plaintiff was disorganized and fell behind schedule, which prohibited him from carrying out his agreed-on duties. it's the case of weaving the scene of the crime. >> guillermo: raise your right hand. >> what you are about to witness is real. participants are not actors, they're actual litigants about it a case pending in civil court. both parties have
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their claims to have their case decided here by judge james. >> jimmy: hi, guillermo. >> hi, judge james. the litigants are seated, your honor. >> jimmy: thank you. all right, we got some good-looking hair here in this room. tell the gallery to be seated. >> oh, you can sit down now. >> judge james? >> jimmy: yes. >> i brought you some hair too. >> jimmy: oh, thank you, i need some hair. all right. >> there you go. >> jimmy: oh! wow. i love it. yeah, will you help judge james with his -- >> yeah, sure. >> jimmy: yes, thank you. this is how i put wigs on. >> wow, judge james. >> jimmy: how do i look? >> that's a wickiweave exclusive. >> jimmy: thank you very much. all right, i do feel very british right now. so amber harrison, you're suing dante hall, also known as tatiti, for a total of $3,400. you claim mr. hall entered into an agreement to engage as brand ambassador on behalf of you
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company, wicked weaves, but did not fulfill his obligation. >> yes. >> jimmy: mr. hall, do you prefer tatiti? >> you can call me tatiti. >> jimmy: you claimed you tried to fulfill your obligation. >> that's right. >> jimmy: but miss harrison was disorganized and behind schedule, so you quit. is that correct? >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: all right. and may i ask, what is your involvement in this? >> i am the brand ambassador for wicked wigs, i'm jacqueline, ms. jacqueline. >> jimmy: ms. jacqueline. how about ms. jacqueline, huh, guillermo? >> yeah, good looking, nice. >> thank you. >> jimmy: all right. so tatiti, you are an instagram celebrity? >> i'm a personality. >> jimmy: so you post individual yoles and then you enter into agreements to promote various products? >> exactly. >> jimmy: so you asked tatiti to wear the wicked weave? are you wearing a wicked weave right now? >> i am, i am. >> that's crazy, that is so crazy. i've been asking him for the longest, can you give me back my wig? can you give me my
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whatever. >> he made videos for other people's products in the wig that he stole. because if he say he quit because of hostile work environment he should have gave the wig back and the money back. >> girl, oh my goodness, here you go. >> wow. >> she wanted it back so bad. >> wow. >> she wanted it back so bad. >> sweat it out. i want the money now. i want the money now. >> jimmy: how much is the wig worth? >> obviously $3,000. >> no. this wig is worth $700. >> jimmy: $700, okay. >> she got that back. >> she paid mr. hall $500? how did we get to $3,400? >> right. >> because it also includes a travel -- so we had -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is a wicked weave. >> yeah. >> i feel like taylor t. now. >> you see, baby, you see. yes, work it, work, work. >> jimmy: all right. so the days that you're supposed to be
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>> helping get her shop ready. >> jimmy: no he wasn't. >> yes, i was. i was helping. >> no he wasn't. >> i was doing this thing on the end, duct tape things on the wall -- >> does that make sense? >> you think he came to help do anything besides eat and drink stuff? >> jimmy: i don't know, maybe. >> i had my own money to do so, keep it cute. >> you keep it cute. >> you keep it cute, jackie. keep it cute over there. that's all you're good for. >> jimmy: did you make up keep it cute or is that a thing i don't know about? >> no, it's gay lingo. >> jimmy: oh, okay. we're learning gay lingo. >> keep it cute, now. >> jimmy: what does that mean exactly? >> keep it cute, she's a cute girl, keep it cute and not talk so much. >> oh, no. you have instagram followers, what do you have besides instagram followers? >> my own place, i don't stay with my mom like you do.
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[ cross talk and shouting ] >> you have money but you can't pay me back -- >> sorry, sorry, sorry. >> objection, objection -- >> jimmy: what are you objecting to? >> who are you? >> are you here because of me? i'm going to tell you again -- seth jarvis in the building, you're here because of me. >> i don't know who he is. >> what? >> jimmy: okay. i've heard a lot here. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and i still haven't had a chance to see my wig in the mirror so i'd like to go do that. i and i will be back with my decision on this case. >> keep it cute. >> jimmy: i will. [ cheers and applause ] >> will judge james leave it to amber? or will he decide it's tatiti time? what will become of the romance between miss jacqueline and
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hairy horn dog? we'll find out when judge james returns. >> jimmy: we'll be back with the thrilling conclusion to "judge james," so stick around! ♪ hey, bud. you need some help? no, i'm good. come on, moe. i have to go. (vo) we always trusted our subaru impreza would be there for him someday. ok. that's it. (vo) we just didn't think someday would come so fast. see ya later, moe. (vo) introducing the subaru impreza. the longest-lasting vehicle in its class. more than a car, it's a subaru. schick hydro ® technology that transforms. schick hydro ® protecting mankind, one face at a time.
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rrator: "the time is to do what is right. ralph northam. army doctor during the gulf war. volunteer director of a pediatric hospice. progressive democrat. in the senate,
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in restaurants, stopped the transvaginal ultrasound anti-choice law, and stood up to the nra. as lieutenant governor, dr. northam is fighting to expand access to affordable healthcare. ralph northam believes in making progress every day. and he won't let donald trump stop us. >> jimmy: hi, there. welcome back to the show. sarah silverman, jimmy butler, music from post malone is all coming. the new york mets are in the market for a new man in their mascot costume. last night after a tough loss to the brewers, some fans were heckling mr. met who responded with a simple silent protest. here it is. let's look at that in slow motion. there go mr. met's chanc
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anderson cooper on cnn. [ laughter ] the mets fired him today. why, i don't know. that might be the most new york thing mr. met has ever done. [ cheers and applause ] i support him. and if you think about it what did he do wrong? he only has four fingers on his hand. he doesn't even have a middle finger to give. [ cheers and applause ] he got fired for holding up a ring finger. tough break for mr. met. i don't know if your job is to run around for three hours in the sun with a giant baseball on your head, you should be allowed to flip somebody off once in a while. it's time for the legally binding conclusion to "judge james." >> this wigmaker says she was well ofly ripped off. this instagram influence is isn't having it. this buy fant barrister is tickled pink. judge james is about to rule. let's listen. >> jimmy: it looks good. okay.
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materials -- >> hold on. you can sit down now. >> jimmy: please sit. i've heard your testimony. it was all very entertaining. tatiti, you were paid $500 to make the video? >> right. >> jimmy: you did not make the video? >> no. >> jimmy: okay. i am inclined to rule in favor of the plaintiff in the amount of $500. i think ultimately if your goal was to promote wicked weaves, i think we've done it here. >> yes, keep it cute, judge! >> jimmy: i think that does keep it cute. i want to also thank you for teaching me a new phrase that i will be using in the future. >> me too, judge. >> jimmy: both of us will be use. he's dancing duty. i rule in favor of the plaintiff in the amount of $500. thank you. everyone may leave. >> thank you. >> all right, judge. >> judge james rendered his investment. let's speak wilt the defendant. wa were you happy, pleased with
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judge james' decision? >> i'm pleased. i'm glad she got her money. >> are you sad to give up the wig? >> a little bit. that was my favorite color. >> let's bring in the plaintiff. come on in. now let me ask, what is this made of? >> this is human hair. >> let me see this. i think you know what i think they would like to see the real you. come on, let me see. no, no, no? >> let me tell you something. you can't never pull a black woman's weave off that's a sin. that's a sin. >> i won this hair. >> oh my god. >> i got it! yeah! >> on the next "judge james." >> did you ever take money out of my grandfather's checking account for the purposes of gambling, specifically, video poker?
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>> are you crazy? >> you are under oath, you are out of order! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was my aunt chippy. that's a good one. one more thing before we covfefe on. it's thursday night which means it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week, it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." [ cheers and applause ] >> fbi director james comey [ bleep ] by trump will testify before congress. >> the president of the united states putting out this incoherent tweet at 12:06 in the morning, what the [ bleep ] is going on? >> i love [ bleep ]. if i could [ bleep ] in the morning and at night i would -- >> what's preventing you? >> i can't do both. >> go head to head against the celeb and then [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. >> you got a rolex on your first date? >> yes, he said because of the brown face reminded him of my [ bleep ]. >> oh, wait, let me see. it does. >> is president tru
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actually sticking his finger in people's [ bleep ]? >> i think he is but i think that's the point. >> good luck, thank you for joining us. >> [ bleep ] you. >> yes, sir. >> d? >> there is a d. >> another one bites the [ bleep ]. >> good for you. >> raise your hand if you've been [ bleep ]ed by a passenger. really? what the [ bleep ] is going on up there? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight music from post malone. from the chicago bulls, jimmy butler is here. we'll be right back with sarah silverm silverman! >> dicky: portions of linebacker live brought to you by xyzal. ♪ [laughter]

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