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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  October 5, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am EDT

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"jimmy kimmel live," rated number one among babies asleep on the toilet. >> joey. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, jeff bridges, isla fisher, and music from steve aoki featuring gucci mane & t-pain. and now, from here on out, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. thank you for being here. it's very nice. i appreciate that. we're living in a tumultuous time. there's a lot going on, not much of it good. today i want to start the show with something light, something fun. are you up for that? [ cheers and applause ] so this was the closest thing i could find. a group of turkish archaeologists claimed they've uncovered the final resting place of st. nicholas, old st. nick. what you're seeing is santa's grave. [ laughter ] i told you. how do you explain that to kids? i have some good news about santa and some bad news. [ laughter ] good news is he was real. live laugh [ laughter ] santa is real, and santa is dead. of
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force a guy to eat a billion cookies in one night what do you think is going to happen? they found this tomb below the st. nicholas church in anatalia. they believe the body inside is the fourth century saint the church is named after which makes sense. one of the archaeologists said, we will reach the ground and maybe find the untouched body of st. nicholas and thus the most depressing animated christmas special ever was born. it makes you wonder, if santa is dead whose lap have my children been sitting on? just when you think the week wouldn't get any worse, santa's dead and rotting under a turkish church. president trump is still fuming about this rex tillerson story. it was reported yesterday secretary of state rex tillerson wanted to resign earlier this year and referred to the president as an f'ing moron at a meeting. trump tweeted multiple times yesterday insisting the story was fake. tillerson
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press conference at which he denied ever wanting to resign, but did not answer the moron question. that's got the president's little thumbs tingling. this morning he again tweeted, why isn't the senate intel committee looking into the fake news networks in our country to see why so much of our news is just made up, fake! i guess he's moved on from puerto rico and las vegas. [ laughter ] so the senate intel committee is busy right now looking into the fake news stories the russians made up to help him win the election. the other irony is no one, no breathing human on planet earth produces more fake news than donald trump. this is donald trump's rating on politifact, the nonpartisan fact-checking organization. according to them only 5% of the things that come out of his mouth are true. more than two-thirds, 69%, are either mostly false, false, or pants on fire false. [ laughter ] this is another chart. this is from "the washington post." over the 232
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has made 1145 claims that are false or misleading. and that's just the stuff he says in public. who knows what -- donald trump is a tornado of fake news. he's the michael jordan, elvis presley, and great wall of china of fake news combined. [ cheers and applause ] donald trump criticizing fake news is like hugh hefner criticizing fake breasts. [ laughter ] trump is particularly angry at nbc for breaking this tillerson story. he lashed out again this morning on twitter. msnbc reporter stephanie rule, who contributed to that tillerson story, responded to the president's criticism directly. >> he held a last-minute news conference wednesday disputing our reporting that he was once on the verge of quitting. trump pushed back on twitter saying, "rex tillerson never threatened to resign, this is fake news put out by nbc news, low news and reporting standards, no verification from me." sir, we didn't
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that he called you a moron, he did it behind your back. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh! is that how it works? so round two of the rap battle goes to stephanie rule. meanwhile, this is rich. while trump was in puerto rico on tuesday, he took some time out to praise the work of the coast guard, u.s. coast guard. this is a transcript from the white house website. fake news? that's on him. trump said, he's in front of a lot of people, he said, a lot of people got to see the real coast guard during this incredible trouble and especially i think here in texas. it was incredible what they did so thank you all very much, we appreciate it, really appreciate it. he turns to a guy and sit, would you like to say something on behalf of your men and women? the guy says, "sir, i'm representing the air force." and trump says, "no, i know that." [ laughter ] of course you do. by always disappointing, he rarely disappoints. and here's something to set your dvr for.
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on "cbs sunday morning" jim axelrod has a one-on-one interview with trump's first wife ivana. they released a clip of the interview in which we learn the nature of her relationship with the president today. >> is he still a big part of your life? >> yeah, he is. he is. >> in what way? >> jimmy: in the way that we have the same hairstyle? [ laughter ] >> well, we speak to each other. >> jimmy: how often? >> maybe once a week. >> jimmy: vunce a veek? sorry, i'm easily distracted. >> he asks for your advice? >> he's still asking for advice. >> what about? >> should i tweet, should i not tweet? you know. >> he asked who should you tweet? what have you told him? >> i told him, i think you should tweet. >> jimmy: yes, keep tveeting, where's my check? maybe she's the one he wrote covfefe to, maybe that is the miss tree right th
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it's almost comforting to witness nonsense from other countries. british prime minister theresa may gave what they're describing as a nightmare speech yesterday. she's been criticized for weak leadership of her country so she needed a great speech at the end of this four-day conservative party conference to be a hit. unfortunately for her, it was not a hit. at first, while she was talking, a prankster handed her a piece of paper called p-45, which apparently is the form they give you, their version of the pink slip. watch this. >> it's the conservative party that has a vision of an open, global, self-confident britain. while our opponents flirt with a foreign policy of neutrality. and prepare for a run on the ground. >> jimmy: she took and it put it down. that's one of the most british things i've ev seen. pardon me, ma'am, but i disagree with you, here's a sheet of paper to illustrate that. she also had a coughing fit. coughing went on and on throughout the speech. then the message behind her slogan on the
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>> all its diversity, compassion, and strength that was shared around the room -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: or everyone. so they got the letter back up. the prime minister finished her speech. just as she finished -- >> each new generation in our country should be able to build a better future. that each generation should live the british dream. >> jimmy: well, that's -- [ laughter ] you know what? i understand the way she feels. [ cheers and applause ] this is good too. the king of saudi arabia made a trip to moscow. and whenever he flies, apparently they travel with an escalator. they attach it to the plane. he doesn't have to go down stairs. whiches amazing on its own. this morning the escalator stopped. i guess it broke. and as you can see, he didn't know what to do. [ laughter ]
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he just stood there. paralyzed. for quite some time. finally, finally he had to walk down the escalator using his feet. by the way, that's the same guy who until last tuesday didn't think women should be allowed to drive. [ laughter ] on the other side of the world, a top official from the cia says the united states should be ready for a show of aggression from north korea on monday. north korea likes to do missile launches and nuclear tests on major holidays. and monday is columbus day. so they're worried they're going to do something. here's the thing about north korea. they have a fundamental misunderstanding of what americans care about. they're always like, your president is a dangerous simpleton pig! we're like, yeah, yeah, we know. they think dennis rodman is still a big star. look, we brainwashed your number one celebrity! yeah, it's okay, his brain has been washed for a long time. now they're
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outside columbus day, the most cherished of all the american holidays. [ laughter ] and i have to say, you know, my family and i were planning to buy a mattress this weekend, now that's ruined. [ laughter ] it's like they don't even know us. [ cheers and applause ] as you may be aware, our city of los angeles was recently blessed with not one but two nfl teams. the rams and the chargers. how many chargers or rams fans do we have in the audience? okay, so that's the problem. [ laughter ] so both our teams are having trouble filling seats. the rams attendance dropped 26,000 fans per game this season, and they're in first place. it's not like they're doing badly. the chargers only have 27,000 seats at the stub hub center, a socker stadium. they can't fill half. they claim they do, it doesn't look that way on tv. the eagles were in down, even sean spicer was like, wow, that is a small crowd you guys got there. they're going a new stadium that holds more than 70,000 fans.
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not look bright for the bolts. but it isn't over yet. in fact, a smart marketing team for the chargers has a new spin that i think is going to help them sell more tickets. >> looking for a place to relax and rejuvenate? a place to be alone with your thoughts? find yourself and lose yourself at the stub hub center. sunday self-guided meditation retreats offer guests plenty of room to breathe. within our sprawling 27,000-seat sanctuary. reserve your section and spend the next three and a half hours just being you. contemplate your place in the world. or just simply exist. and if you get a call, feel free to answer it. you aren't disturbing anyone. parking could not be easier. sunday self-guided meditation
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retreats at the stub hub center. eight sundays a year. we miss you, san diego. we really [ bleep ]ed up. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know what i like, a football game. all right, we have a good show for you tonight. tonight, oh, wait. by the way, we have to take a break. when we come back from the break we're going to have fun with people on the street. we're playing a game called "fool release." stick around, we'll be right back. the leader. the best. the s-class has sat at the pinnacle of automotive excellence for generations. the one car that continually innovates and pushes technology forward. on each s-class, there lies a simple badge. and it serves as our constant reminder, to never rest on laurels, and to forever earn the star. this is the 2018 s-class from mercedes-benz.
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>> jimmy: welcome back to our show. isla fisher, music from
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and t-pain or the way. we like to have fun with the folks who pass our studio, people walking by. whenever we put someone on a tv they sign a legal release, they sign their name on a form, we're good to go. most people don't both tore read the form, they trust us, i guess. [ laughter ] today we decided to put that trust to the test to find out just how much these people would endure for a chance to be on tv. >> can we talk to you for abc? this is a standard release so we can show you on television. >> am i going to have the ass something where i look like an idiot? >> i don't think so. put your john hancock on that. >> on this? >> me put the pen on a croc so people don't steal it. just your name right there. a couple of quick questions so we can show your likeness on air. agrees the production company owns your
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until this airs. >> okay. >> during filming participant understands that all heretofore mentioned question subjects may or may not be fully taken out of context. >> that's okay, whatever. >> i acknowledge at some point during the interview i may be asked to defend dr. bill cosby. >> yes. huh. >> in the event i am suddenly incapacitated during the interview and end up in a vegetative state, i grant abc the right to pull the plug if need be and a dnr, do not resuscitate, also power of attorney over your affairs. >> okay. >> agrees to waive their right to various things, if you could physically wave your right to an attorney? wave? wave your right to medical assistance and a comfort pet. inny or outty? inny, okay. geez. >> i had to check myself. >> why, you and me
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you agree to use our gps? >> yes. >> with our gps, we just -- turn your head just a little bit. we need to implant a small gps tracking device on you. this is a way to locate you without -- >> why? >> you won't even feel it. it's just a small -- >> what is this? >> a small gps tracking device that goes behind your ear -- >> no, no, i really don't want it. no. >> it's easy. give us your phone number? >> yeah, yeah. >> okay, i'll get your phone number. let's create some unique security questions. what's the name of the street you grew up on? >> anderson street. >> anderson, okay. what was the name of your first pet? >> claw. >> claw, okay. how old were you when you lost your virginity? >> 30? >> 30. okay. two years ago this. >> yeah. >> i knew you could do it. this is just for identification. we need a cheek print. >> a cheek print? >> a cheek print. either
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>> turn the other one. >> what? >> any allergies to seafood? okay, hold this. >> what that is? >> salmon head. just hold foyt are a second. okay? got that? okay. can we check your teeth to make sure you're camera ready for teeth? open up. check your gums if that's okay. starting with the back molar. one, two, one, three, one, one, four, five -- we've got a deep pocket on number six, check that out. two, one. participant agrees to have temperature taken, either orally or rectally? >> orally. >> orally? if we could get you to put that under your tongue. that is one of the -- wait, no, that's a rectal one, sorry. [ laughter ] >> what shoe size? >>
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here, let's go ahead and get that shoe off you. >> i'm not wear socks. >> that's okay. okay, all right. bend your knee a little bit for me. okay, we're going to go ahead and -- so i have you at about a 7.5 to 8. okay. i had a 7.5. but i couldn't find an 8. let's give these a shot and see how they feel, okay? hold the banana. participant agrees not to make any sudden movements around the gorilla. >> there's a [ bleep ]ing gorilla! >> let me go ahead and get you to look in the camera and say, i am not defined by my diarrhea. >> i am not defined by my diarrhea. >> i am not defined by my diarrhea. >> i am not defined by my diarrhea. right on! >> behind your ear for a second, this is a small gps
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device -- it's easy. it's in case you change your phone number. we're just able to find -- >> no, no, no, no. >> just take two seconds -- >> what is the show called? >> "jimmy kimmel live." >> [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. tonight on the show we have music from steve aoki with gucci mane and t-pain, isla fisher is here. and we'll be right back with jeff bridges. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by spirit airlines. less money, more go. you are whimsical, vibrant, statement making. you stand out in a crowd. and are pulled together. you follow your own lead and show your strength. always comfortable in your own skin.
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>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. tonight on the show, she is a talented actress and now an author, too. isla fisher is here. [ cheers and applause ] and then, his album is called "steve aoki presents: kolony." steve aoki from the mercedes benz outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] steve brought friends with him tonight. t-pain and gucci mane and a wheelbarrow full of sheet cake. we have good shows for you next week as we pack up for brooklyn on the 16th with the mighty thor, chris hemsworth, kate hudson, renee zellweger, chadwick boseman,
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whitney cummings, marc maron, january jones, jared padalecki, and we'll have music from sir rosevelt, dhani harrison, and vance joy, too. so please join us for all that. [ cheers and applause ] getting sarcastic participation from the crew, thank you. our first guest tonight is an oscar-winning actor and a renowned enjoyer of life who definitely gets all his bowling shoe rentals for free. his new movie is called "only the brave." it opens october 20th. please welcome jeff bridges. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you doing? can i tell you, i always look forward to having you here. you're always a lot of fun. i don't know if you know this. but from time to time, your costars when they come to the show
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share a story about you. >> oh, that's nice. >> jimmy: everybody loves you. is there anyone who doesn't love you? do you have an enemy out there that you have in mind? >> i have a few. but i haven't taken a tally. >> jimmy: you should never tally that kind of stuff. congratulations, you just celebrated your 40s w th wed anniversary. [ cheers and applause ] >> whoo, people time passes, man. >> jimmy: how did you propose to your wife? >> i did the traditional getting down on my knee thing. but it was tough. i don't know about you. but i fell in love with my wife, it was love at first sight. >> jimmy: oh, really. >> i knew she was the one. and that scared the hell out of me. you know. >> jimmy: it did? >> yeah, yeah. you know, we did -- we lived together for about three years. and i have a terrible -- my mother used to call it a bulia, which is like a mental disorder of not being able to make a decision. >> jimmy: oh,
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>> that's what i kept claiming. >> jimmy: it's a bulia. is that short for a [ bleep ]? >> yeah! [ laughter ] so, you know, sue, my beautiful wife, she said, i understand your abulia, i understand the situation, but i'm going back up to montana because my biological clock's going off, i want to start a family. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and, oh, man, i can't let this -- i had this image in my mind. a handful of sand and there's one diamond in there and that's sue. and i can't let that thing go. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know. so i said -- i had to give myself a caveat. it was a terrible one. it was, hey, if it doesn't work out, you can get a divorce. [ laughter ] so i get down on my knees. on a thursday. and say, will you marry me? she goes, "yeah, okay." when do you want t d
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today's thursday, how about saturday? i don't know how long i can hold this particular thing. we call up our friends and have a wonderful wedding. >> jimmy: that's a pretty great way to do it. your abulia went away. [ applause ] >> you're married a couple years -- you're married a long time, how long have you been married? >> jimmy: i've been married twice. once i was married for almost 15 years. >> yeah? >> jimmy: and this time i've been married for four years. yeah, four years. >> you digging it? it gets good, don't you think? >> jimmy: it was pretty good right at the beginning. i didn't have abulia. [ laughter ] i never even heard of it before tonight. >> beautiful word. >> jimmy: is it really a thing? >> abulia, yeah, look it up, google that. >> jimmy: does it run in your family? how did your mom know about it? >> i have a tough time -- ordering in a restaurant, what are you having? find out what everybody else is having. i don't want to be jealous. then i can't decide. >> jimmy: i do have that in restaurants.
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i didn't know there was a word for it. i didn't know i was sick. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: there's got to be medication for abulia. i bet on cnn tomorrow we'll start seeing, ask your doctor about abuliagon or whatever. >> these are the side effects. >> jimmy: speaking of montana, i know you live there part-time. you did a psa for -- who is this for? >> bear spray company. you know, because people, you know -- we love grizzly bears. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and part of the reason people want to get rid of them, kill them, make them outlawed, is because they hurt people. >> jimmy: right, sure. >> so if you're on a -- if you're hiking and it's smart to get some bear spray. >> jimmy: carry the bear spray. >> to just get away from it. >> jimmy: it says a bear doesn't care if you're a movie star, do you think that's true? [ laughter ] that's a little bit insulting. >> maybe the bear saw some of m
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movies. >> jimmy: yeah, you've been in enough movies this bear should have seen something already. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: they asked you to dote. do you carry bear spray? >> i occasionally carry bear spray when i'm up in montana. the animal that i have in my -- that i'm frightened of are mountain lions. >> really, oh boy. >> i remember taking a walk and i saw a mountain lion. maybe like it was two mountain lions, maybe 30 yards away, sitting on a rock. they looked at me. and then they talked to each other. [ laughter ] it was like they said -- i thought they were saying, you go that way, i'll go here. they both very calmly went like this. not in a rush, like this. then i said -- no, get big and weird, aahhhhh! aaahhhhhh! all the way home. [ cheers and applause ]
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behavior. >> jimmy: we should make another poster. >> exactly. >> jimmy: instead of mountain lion spray, just act like a crazy person. jeff bridges is here. his movie is called "only the brave." be right back! ["love is all around" by joan jett & the blackhearts] ♪ who can turn the world onthing day,smile?♪♪ whoa ♪ and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile? ♪ ♪ well it's you girl, and you should know it. ♪ with each glance and every little movement you show it. ♪ you're gonna make it after all. ♪ it takes a long time to get to the top... you're gonna make it after all. ♪ but with america'best u' gonna makemake after all. warranty, the all-new volkswagen tiguan will be there every step ♪ ow! ♪ of the way. depression is a tangle of multiple symptoms.
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>> jimmy: what is the deal with pomegranates? >> fashionable. >> is it an anti-oxidant? i don't know what that word means. >> jimmy: what's the deal with pomegranates? i have no idea. >> i think a lot of time it's used to make pomegranate juice. >> jimmy: sure, why, what other jules could you make out of a pomegranate? >> the part of brooklyn i'm from, we don't have the pomegranates. >> jimmy: no pomegranates. you're in the no-pomegranate zone. >> correct, south brooklyn, the real brooklyn. the new
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fancy things. we don't have that in the real brooklyn. >> jimmy: all right, thank you very much. so brooklyn. >> thank you, to brooklyn. the real brooklyn. >> smirnoff number 21 vodka, the answer to all of life's ridiculous questions.
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been trying over four years, got all our qualifications. can out-hump any hot shot crew
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>> doing something that's never been done before takes time. >> sooner or later the fire, she's going to come a-knocking, this whole place is going to go off like a powder keg. when she does my crew won't be able to set food on the line. >> the attitude that you got, that cost you a lot of friends in the department. >> come on, duane. you're the wild land fire chief. you started this thing. i need your help. >> hey, now, that's nice. that's a good start. >> jimmy: that's josh brolin and jeff bridges in "only the brave." the true story about a group of firefighters, a very special group of firefighters called hot shots. these are the guys that go up and put out the wildfire in the mountains. it's a very, very dangerous job. >> yeah, and it's a tragic story. about these -- a bunch of these hot shots that they perished in a fire. but movie doesn't concentrate on that. it's really about their lives and what kind of bravery these guys had to
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most people don't want to go. >> jimmy: i think about that every time there's one of those fires. like you see it on the news. you see the fire. oh, there's guys in there with hoses. >> yeah, yeah, or what happened in vegas. the first responders. >> jimmy: it's unbelievable. it really is. >> amazing. >> jimmy: in the movie you play a guy named duane. is this your first duane? you must have had other duanes. >> duane from "the last picture show." >> jimmy: okay, yeah. you probably had more duanes than anybody. >> i've had a few. the cool thing about this one, duane steinbrink, the guy that i play who's the former head of the wild land division chief from prescott. he was around, and he was very gung ho about our movie. >> jimmy: oh, really. >> wanted to tell the story properly. i got to hang out with him. >> jimmy: nice. >> one of the interesting aspects of this guy, is on the side he had a country band. called the rusty pistols. >> jimmy: is that
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got to -- >> that's part of our movie. >> jimmy: right, right. >> we used the real rusty pistols. >> those guys were the real rusty pistols? >> yeah, my buddy t-bone burnett, he recorded us. we had a great time doing that. >> jimmy: is that -- you've sung in a number of movies. have you ever written a song for one of your movies? >> i wrote a tune. for "king kong." [ laughter ] i was in "king kong." >> jimmy: right, of course. >> '76. >> jimmy: the good one, the best one -- >> the weird one, it was bizarre. >> jimmy: to me it was all real. >> i can tell you stories. so delaurentis would call me into his office, jeffy, jeffy, come on in, jeffy. he's pitching this thing. i say, i'd like to pitch you an idea. we haven't shot the end of our movie yet. and here's my idea, dino. the monkey
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building. and he crashes on the ground. but he bursts into flames. and it turns out he's a machine. >> jimmy: like a robot? >> robot. and then you set up -- the perfect setup for "kong 2" where charles grodin buys the carcass and takes it around and aliens come in, whatever. anyway, i wrote a song about that story. >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah. >> jimmy: do you remember any of that song? ♪ yes there's somebody in the jungle ♪ ♪ there's somebody in the jungle and he wants to get out ♪ ♪ he's behind a wall that was built long before the atlantis ♪ ♪ he's so old maybe older than the bible itself ♪ ♪ and he's breaking out he wants to establish
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man ♪ ♪ be bold in new york then i was buddies with burgis meredith at the time. >> jimmy: oh my god. >> you know him. >> jimmy: of course, the penguin, from "rocky," yeah. >> he's a wild guy, i had burgis do this kind of talking middle part that was based on the hindenburg crash. >> jimmy: the spoken word? >> the monkey is falling, oh my god, the humanity, he's burning, he's a machine, what would this mean? >> jimmy: dino, he said no? >> no, he just -- you've done "saturday night live." >> jimmy: no, i never have, no. >> well, he had the expression that all the writers have when -- remember beau and i did "saturday night live." you pitch them something and you're excited and -- >> jimmy: i think dino was short sighted. if you want to record that i'd be happy t
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they're here and ready to do "monkey man." jeff bridges, everybody. "only the brave" opens in theatres october 20th. we'll be right back with isla fisher. want in on the secret to ageless skin? take the olay 28 day challenge see visible results day 1. by day 28? years off your skin age. but don't take it from us, take it from one of the millions of real women already in the know it's not often you can say, you know i saw results right away visible results or your money back olay. ageless there is not a friend that i have that will not own this product
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>> jimmy: still to come, music from steve aoki. you know our next guest from the movies, for adult people, but she has a new thing now, for those who are smaller. she is author of a new children's book called "marge in charge." please welcome isla fisher. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> hi, how are you? >> hi, thank you for having me. >> jimmy: who is marge and why is she so bossy? >> marge is this abulian and babysitter. >> jimmy: that's a medical problem jeff bridges and i have. >> i'm not tackling that in my children's book. >> jimmy: no, it's not what you think. it's not what you
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so i'm sorry, go ahead. >> she comes into the family of jake and jemima button and subvertz all of mommy's rules and encourages the kids to tap into their creativity. she's just this hilarious, fun character that gets up to -- >> jimmy: kids love this. >> yeah, yeah, i hope so. >> jimmy: you tested this on your own children and children's friends? >> and they're fierce critics. >> they are. >> so honest. you know, you've got kids. if they don't like it, they're bored, they walk out. >> jimmy: my daughter like anything. the only thing is peanut butter, that's it. not the bread, just the peanut butter. so i don't listen to her, i major her eat things. i don't know if this happens to you. i was googling you and it said, isla fisher, amy adams do people confuse you for amy adams frequently? >> you know, it's -- yes, they do. i usually correct them. sometimes i don't. a couple of times i can think of, it's been quite funny. but yeah, i remember one time actually i was at this fancy
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you know, i've seen you at the "vanity fair" party. >> jimmy: after the oscars, yes, right. >> and i was there sort of excited, all dressed up at the bar. schmoozing with show biz types. the crowds parted and there was lady gaga. she's heading right towards me. "thank you, your performance in american hustle, amy, was --" and i'm thinking, oh my gosh, it's lady gaga, i love her so much, i don't want to tell her the truth. i just gracefully thanked her, bowed my head. [ laughter ] then she wants to talk about the performance. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> now i'm thinking, i don't want to be a liar. and i look over her shoulder and there's amy adams walking into the party. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> i'm like this, "isla fisher." [ laughter ] [ applause ] she's not even nominated for anything, what's she doing here? >> jimmy: you think lady gaga figured any of it out? >> she will now. she watches. and ied a a real low point. i was at
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baby, and i was breastfeeding, and i was so exhausted -- >> jimmy: was it yours? [ laughter ] >> no, it was a friend of mine's, twins. i'm a wetnurse. >> jimmy: oh, really, that's nice of you. >> so i sat on one of those sofas where i thought no one could see me, in a dusty corner of ikea. the baby latches on. i'm exhausted. i close my eyes for a moment to rest. and this woman and her two kids appear. and they're like, oh my god, it's amy adams! we love you so much from "enchanted," can you please sing us that song, sing us this song from "enchanted." i'm tone deaf. and i'm like breast -- so i just said -- ♪ tell me that you know me before she backed way, realizing that i was clearly not. >> jimmy: based on your voice. the voice she was able to determine was not you. so anyway, you brought something along here that i think is going to be very helpful. >> yeah, i just
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it, jimmy kimmel, and i feel i should this evening set the record straight. >> jimmy: this is a public service announcement from isla fisher. >> hello. i'm isla fisher. and i'd like to clear something up. i am not amy adams. amy adams and i are completely different people. let me explain. amy adams has auburn red. my hair is light auburn red. amy adams played susan in "nocturnal animals." i played laura in "nocturnal animals." amy adams has five oscar nominations. i am a member of s.a.g. amy adams played maya in "zero dark thirty." no, wait, that was jessica chastain. the point is when you come up to any of us say, i love you in "arrival," it hurts because you weren't "arrival." unless you are amy
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but i'm isla fisher. we have totally different names, hence we're totally different people. it's really not confusing. i'm also not wendy from the hamburger commercials. please, i'm isla fisher. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm glad we sorted that out. we put that out there, i don't think you're going to have any problems ever again. this is the book, it's called "marge in charge." isla fisher! be right back with steve aoki. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
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>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel condition cert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to jeff bridges, isla fisher and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first this is his album "steve aoki presents kolony," the song is "lit" here with help from gucci mane and t-p
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♪ ♪ yeah, boy, you gettin' that t-pain and aoki all of y'all tryna do our -- you just ♪ ♪ soundin' like karaoke long as y'all gettin' lit yellow claw gettin' lit long as y'all gettin' lit ♪ ♪ it's gucci mane in this -- and yeah it's lit hella lit yellow rollie on my wrist same color my yellow -- ♪ ♪ i say i ain't got no type but i prefer 'em super thick i was born for this -- you too borin' for the -- ♪ ♪ in the foreign, motor roarin' sittin' on forgis with a kit ♪ ♪ plus my outfit sick with it just like e-40 and the clique i'm so spoiled ♪ ♪ she don't get naked it's hard for me to tip i'm so hard got 'em runnin' and i just put in the tip ♪ ♪ they don't see me oh no, they don't see me your girl's drawers comin' down but the hands ♪ ♪ go up to the ceilin' i guarantee it i guarantee it i guarantee it i guarantee it i'm throwin' money ♪ ♪ in the vip i'm ballin' out so you know it's me they tell me, baby you're a boy makin' big noise ♪ ♪ hanging in the street yeah i be hangin' in the street oh lord i guarantee it i guarantee it ♪ ♪ i guarantee dat i'm the --
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if you're feelin' like me i guarantee it's about to get lit ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i'm tryna live tryna hit club liv and spend a mil who wanna chill ♪ ♪ with a rich -- can't wait to pay your bills listen here i just made ♪ ♪ 20 thousand disappear see it clear, crystal clear just like these diamonds in my ear ♪ ♪ i'm tryna live tryna hit club liv and spend a mil who wanna chill ♪ ♪ with a rich -- can't wait to pay your bills i'ma put that top -- in your ear, listen here ♪ ♪ i just pulled up to the front trunk in the rear gucci they don't see me oh no, they don't see me ♪ ♪ your girl's drawers comin' down but the hands go up to the ceilin' i guarantee it ♪ ♪ i guarantee it i guarantee it
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i'm throwin' money ♪ ♪ in the vip i'm ballin' out so you know it's me they tell me, baby you're a boy makin' big noise ♪ ♪ hanging in the street yeah i be hangin' in the street oh lord i guarantee it i guarantee it ♪ ♪ i guarantee that i'm the -- if you're feelin' like me i guarantee it's about to get lit ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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this is "nightline." >> tonight, a well-planned attack. >> go, run, keep your heads down, go! >> new and chilling video from the las vegas massacre. >> run! >> the unlikely heroes. one using his truck as an ambulance. new details on the gunman's plans. was he scouting attack sites in other cities? plus an interview about nothing? inside the mind and life of jerry seinfeld. >> you've saved every successful joke? >> what else would you save? i don't have jewels. >> a sneak peek of his newest laugh lines. >> i have things i want to talk about. >> and why he keeps coming back to standup.


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