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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  September 17, 2009 12:05am-1:05am EDT

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and so it is time for tonight's "closing argument." and tonight, you have seen how rampant the child sex trade is in cambodia and the challenges of cracking down on american pedophiles who travel there. so tonight, we ask you, should
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it be easier for authorities in the united states to reach out and prosecute american pedophile suspects arrested aprod? tell us what you think by clicking on thele in it will page -- clicking on the "nightline" page on abcnews.com or the twitter page. tomorrow night, a new way of labelling the packaged foods that you and your family eat from cereal and kool-aid to chicken dinners, but is this really the best guide for you and your family? that's tomorrow night. that is our report for tonight. "jimmy kimmel live" is up next. for now, i'm terry moran. for cynthia mcfadden, martin bashir and all of us at abc news, good night, america. hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. tonight on the show, author david alan grier. singer pink alan grier. and vacuum cleaner collector gregory evans. that is greg right there. he's 10 years old, and he loves
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and collects vacuums. what 10-year-old doesn't? and we'll also check in on jackson family patriarch joe jackson who did this interview with his date at the vma's. >> who is next to me? >> are you kidding? joe jackson. >> how you doing, mr. jackson? >> i'm doing milky. >> how did you find this beautiful young lady and what inspired you to grab her and push her career? >> well, i found her in the porta potty. >> did you think it was sort of fate? >> yeah, that's why i took her home. (announcer) every woman has many sides
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and music from pink. with cleto and the cletones. and now, for your amusement, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by abc, inc. >> hi, everyone. i'm jimmy, welcome to the show. thank you for watching at home. and thank you for watching at bars on little tv where you can't actually hear anything i say. [ laughter ] over the course of the next hour i will share my secrets to
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getting the job, the house and the man of your dream, so please stay tuned. did i say man? i meant lady. just out of curiosity, who in our audience tonight does not have healthcare? [ scattered applause ] i don't know if the whoo's are appropriate. don't clap hard, you're spreading disease over the rest of us. yesterday, representsive joe wilson of south carolina was formally reprimanded for shouting at the president, he's the guy who yelled you lie in the middle of obama's speech. while most people including his fellow republicans condemned his behavior, some people at the healthcare rallies are embracing him as a hero. >> i had yelled it before he did a number of times. so when he finally said it i thought somebody finally said it. >> he did vote in the past to -- to provide some healthcare -- level of healthcare coverage for
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illegal immigrants which made what he yelled ironic. >> joe wilson supported that? >> yeah, i am not supporting joe wilson for president. >> yes. just holding this sign for a friend. he said he'd be back in five minutes. you know joe wilson himself a apologized. since the incident people have been sending him checks and he's raised more than a million dollars for his re-election campaign and now other politicians seeing this -- in this economy it's tough to get money. are trying to get some of the money sent their way too. >> it's time to give every opportunity to americans that members of congress will give to themselves. >> that's a lie! you're a liar! you lie! >> liar, liar! >> send me a check! >> well, i want to wish our friends living in mexico a happy mexican independence day today. >> that's right, jimmy, it is mexican independence day! so i quit. >> what? >> i quit.
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>> well, that's -- >> i'm tired of this, jimmy. guillermo going in the water. he knows i don't know how to swim. i'm independence today. no more listen to these white people. oh, my gosh, i'm tired of jimmy kimmel over here, jimmy kimmel over there, jimmy kimmel football. >> from hollywood, it's the guillermo show! [ cheers and applause ] please join your host, guillermo! >> hello and welcome to my show. i'm guillermo. boy, how about kanye west. he's a real jerk. [ laughter ] my first guest is a funny guy. he has a new book called "barack like me". please welcome david alan grier. [ cheers and applause ]
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how you doing? >> david alan grier is my guest tonight. >> no, he's my guest. >> guillermo, you can't steal my guest. ing the dag, come back down here and -- >> i don't want to get in the middle of this. >> but you did make a commitment to us first, right? >> yeah, yeah, but i mean, your uncle is here. >> uncle frank. [ cheers and applause ] >> sorry, jim. >> you know you can actually keep him. >> yes, sorry, jim. tell us about your new book. >> in spanish -- >> i'm not going to -- i'm not going to tolerate this. you know what i'm starting to think there may be too many talk shows on television. maybe abc will put him on at 10:00 every night. who knows? yesterday the chairman of the
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federal reserve ben bernanke said it's very likely that the recession is over. i hope this isn't like when president bush told that the war in iraq was over. but determining what is the beginning and end of a recession isn't an exact science. in fact, they have a very old fashioned way of doing it. look at this. >> it's been taken off the table and we are well on our way to a full blown economic recovery. you see that? what they did do is pull -- do is pull jim cramer out of his hole and if he sees his shadow the recession is over. you don't know who jim cramer is over? well that's why the joke didn't work. [ laughter ] the mexican show -- there's a mexico show upstairs if you guys want to go there. [ laughter ] right now out on hollywood boulevard outside our building there's a guy named chewbacca. he works for tips. he sees people from all over the world every day.
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so who better to ask whether or not the recession is really over than him. >> i don't think we're out of this recession yet, but i just -- like all my wookies, i save it, i put it in the jar at my house. if i was really, really rich i'd like get a big pool and like i'd put mud in it and i'd put turtles in it. and i'd start a turtle farm and charge people -- i don't know, maybe $15 admission to check out the turtles. my friend bill he's a midget who lives down the street said that was a good idea. >> sure. [ applause ] entrepreneurial spirit. michael jackson's father joe jackson, you know joe jackson, was at the mtv video music awards on sunday.
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they did a big tribute to his son and with all the attention paid to kanye west and taylor swift i feel like we missed joe showing up with an attractive young recording artist to a memorial tribute to his late son. so good guy. he's managing her, i guess. after the show, joe and taina sat down for a show on web tv. >> well, i co-wrote a lot of my songs. >> what told you that this one could be another superstar? >> well, that's a good question. the first thing that told me that taina was a super star, was hearing that she had a voice like jump rope.
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and she doesn't mind when i throw stuff at her. i can throw books, rocks, pomegranates, muskrats, banjos, everything. she loves it. i also get to have sex on her a lot. that's why she's all gonna be a super star. now go to bed, blankey. we have class at 6:00 a.m. >> wow. mr. jackson, thank you. >> thank you, mr. jackson. tell you what, i look forward to big things from both taina and tallinn tino. this is from the phillies game last night in philadelphia where a lucky fan made a nice catch in the stands. >> he does go after them there. a fast ball and shot to the upper deck. caught by that fan right there. nice grab. oh, there it goes! >> well, she's only doing what she says him do all the time. >> that's what you get for teaching her how to share. when i was 2 years old and i had
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done that, my dad would not have given me a hug. i would have been face down in the outfield is where i would have been. some exciting new drama in the saga of jon and kate. i don't know why anyone cares about these two, but apparently they do. their former nanny claims she and jon were having an affair while he was living in the house and while she was watching the children, they were having sex. if you can find someone to have time for the eight kids and have sex you marry that woman and call her a keeper. if you look back at last year's episodes of the show, you can see there was some chemistry between them. >> not a midlife crisis. everyone thinks it's a midlife -- i'm nowhere near midlife. i'm 32 years old. i have always liked motorcycles and cars and fast things and i have four tattoos. you know, that's the way i have always been -- just playing, you
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know, just coming out a lot more now. >> he's probably pulling the kids out from under the couch. this has been a banner week for bad behavior between the u.s. open and kanye west and joe wilson yelling at the president, it makes you wonder what's happened to manners in this country. but it's still interesting. you know, you get a lot more publicity for acting badly than being nice and when you apologize on "oprah" or "larry king" and now they're giving out awards for it. >> it's the 2009 sorry, the best apologies of 2009 featuring the biggest stars in entertainment, politics and sports including chris brown. >> i thought it was time that you heard directly from me that i'm sorry. >> bernie madoff. the octomom. >> sorry. sorry. >> michael phelps. serena williams. >> i'd like to apologize. >> ne-yo.
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john enson. >> i'm sorry. >> mark sanford. michael vick. >> i was wrong for what i did. >> ted haggard, joe wilson, george michael. kanye west. and a special lifetime achievement award to mel gibson. the 2009 sorries. you'll be sorry you missed it. >> i would watch that. i would watch that. we have a good show tonight. on the show tonight, 10-year-old vacuum expert gregory evans is here. we have music later on from pink. and we'll be right back with david alan grier. >> no, you won't! david alan grier is my guest. now your card comes with a way to plan for what matters to you.
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♪ hi there. we're back. on the show tonight, a multigrammy award winning artist. this is her fifth album called "funhouse".
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you can see her at the staples center here in staples center on friday. pink is here. also tonight, we have a very unusual young man. he's 10 years old and he loves vacuum cleaners. >> 10-year-old gregory evans has just found his latest treasure. >> where did you find that? >> at a junk shop. >> gregory evans loves vacuums. he has been collecting then since he was 3 years old. while other kids dream of disney world, where's gregory's favorite destination? >> this is the hoover museum. >> he can tell which model is running just by its sound. >> eureka mega boss. >> so tonight we're going to test that vacuum recognition talent here on the show. we have a whole bunch of vacuums. we'll see if greg i can name them. tomorrow night, rachael ray,
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jenna elfman, danny pudi and music from lives of famous men. and on friday, christian slater, ed o'neill, sofia vergara, and music from shakira. so set your dv-vcr's. by the way, right now on ebay, i want to mention, we're auctioning off former illinois governor rod blagojevich's seat. he sat on it when he was on the show. he signed it. right now, the bidding is at $5,500. the auction ends tomorrow night. so check it out on ebay. a seat like this is something no american family should be without. [ laughter ] our first guest is a gifted actor, comedian and clothes wearer whose unique sense of style could make even a cranberry members only jacket look good. his new book, "barack like me", comes out october 6. please say hello to david alan grier. [ cheers and applause ]
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is there a problem with sitting in the governor's seat? >> no, i just feel dirty. >> well, that's not going to help the value of the chair, david. how are you? >> i'm well, jimmy. i think you could tell how i am. [ laughter ] >> good. >> little different. from the last time you saw me. whole new persona. you know? >> you're gay now? >> no, not quite. not quite. i'm not going there again. bingo. but seriously -- get real. look at me. >> you're wearing a hat which you don't usually do. >> come on. >> you -- new shirt? >> i'm an author new, jimmy. >> oh, you're an author now. that's right. [ cheers and applause ] you do seem -- you have a lot more gravitas. >> well, i have a play on
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broadway. i'm starring in david mamet's play. >> i've heard of him. >> very serious part with a wonderful cast, so no more mr. funny guy. >> who else is in the play? >> james spader, richard thomas. >> wow. >> and david alan grier as the negro. [ laughter ] it's not funny. i told you, none of that! so jimmy -- really, no more laughter, really. so jimmy, i'm here, you know, as an author. and, you know, an intellectual to really discuss converse with you as it were about my new persona. by the way before i go further i will be at hilarities at cleveland. and the comedy zone in jacksonville and in tallahassee. >> some things never change. >> no, no. >> but you will bring quite an element of class. well, you're also a former celebrity ballroom dancer, we must never forget that. yeah. [ applause ]
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>> i really -- i'm glad you brought that up, jimmy, because we all know what happened this past week. serena, kanye west and the white guy, wilson. >> yeah. >> i think it's obvious, again, i'll go to the audience. they're all copycats. i'm first one to start that whole trend of being rude and now they have taken it -- and run away with it. >> you spun out on the judges while on "dancing with the stars." >> i'm an honest, i'm a passionate man. i care deeply about what i'm doing. >> i know that adam carolla keeps getting invited back season after season to do appearances on the show. do you get invited back to the show? >> not so far. not so far. they haven't invited me back. >> they haven't, wow. >> which is fine. i mean, i have done it. i don't need to hang out there. go girl! cha-cha was awesome! i can't come on the property, i'll stand behind the fence, honey, love you! >> let's talk about the book
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because it is a fine book. it is called "barack like me" the chocolate covered truth. >> thank you. >> you know, the cover -- it would appear that this is pure silliness, but it's kind of like -- you do -- your life story. >> it is. it is. >> first, i did not know you were black until reading this book. i had no idea. >> hold on a minute. i want you to read a little blurb there. >> i did give a blurb for you. >> the definitive for blackness and grier triumphs again. >> i said, thank you, jimmy, it was very sweet of you to provide it. my next thought is he obviously hasn't read the book. >> can i say in my defense that you asked me for a quote before sending me the book. [ laughter ] so -- as a result of that -- >> you know what? let's just move on to the next -- you're funny. >> i base my review on your
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track record of excellence. >> wow. >> i knew that this book would indeed be a master work. by the way, i don't think i have ever read any book i put a quote on. >> read chelsea handler's quote. >> his wit is as big as his pe us in -- huge. chris rock says barack like me, david alan grier has created a world of wizards and goblins that will become a great tv movie some day. >> they provided these. >> adam carolla says the book is funny and thought provoking. by the way, adam has never ever read a book. [ laughter ] he says dag may be the greatest black american since julius washington irving carter. who i think invented the peanut. >> no. he didn't. >> that's a different person. yeah, well, congratulations. >> thank you. >> there are interesting stories in the book.
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for instance, i didn't know that you tried to become a black panther at one time. >> when i was 15 years old, and i grew up in like this -- i was nerdy, i was a berd, a black nerd. me and my friend johnny livingston and i had to change his name in the book. >> really? >> yeah. we must have walked for a mile, we put our army jacket and we were going to join the black panther party. we got to this bullet riddled building where the door with padlocks and stuff and the guy swings the door open and he goes, what do you brothers want? um, we want to join the black panther party. he was like, how old are you young revolutionaries? i was like 15. [ laughter ] he was like, i'm sorry, i can't let you give your life to the revolution. you have to come back next year when you're 16. so we run all the way home. >> i like you change your friend
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to ron livingston who was an actor by the way. >> no, but that was my friend's name. >> that was his real name. >> oh n the book you changed. >> so you slandered him on television. >> i have to ask you something. as an intellectual, don't you know anything? when you write a book, you can't have people's real names in it. right, guys in the band? they know. >> no, they don't know. >> they do too. they have written books about their drug past and the hookers and all that. got to change the minds. >> i didn't know that. this is kind of cool. you know, you and i are pretty good friends and i didn't know that your dad wrote this book and this is not a joke. >> he did. >> called "black rage". >> yeah. that was 1968. >> was your dad an angry guy? >> he was when he wrote that book. >> he was -- >> he was like -- he actually, this fuelled my comments to the judges on "dancing with the stars." >> really? >> yes. no, he was the original angry black man. >> and your grandfather wrote
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this book which i had heard of, called "black black black black". >> yes. i'll tell you something else, my great-great-great grandmother wrote a book. it wasn't even a book because it was oral history. it was a story called aaahh! so we come from a long line of politically down people. >> oh, yeah, yeah. your book goes between your life and also your -- you attended the inauguration of barack obama. >> yes. yes. >> the thing that's an -- i think it's an interesting contrast. how did you wind up at the inauguration? >> well, you know, in that euphoric moment when barack obama became president, i remember i came home and, you know, we were crying, laughing. i'm going to the inauguration! you know? i hugged my wife, who i'm now divorcing. a lot of things change. [ laughter ] jimmy. anyway i digress. so are you serious, like a
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hangover. you know, when you bang a fat chick. what you said last night? we're going to the inauguration. oh, yeah. that started the journey. >> were you invited to the inauguration? >> initially, initially, i was given tickets. >> you were? >> the platinum vip package, worth over $50,000. where i basically -- i was going to sit next to barack obama and hold the lincoln bible. really? yes, david, i don't know how i did it, i got you the tickets. >> what happened? >> well, we ended up with the purple tickets. >> what did those represent? >> the -- they were purple tickets. like that. when i got there, everybody had purple tickets. i mean, purple is a royal color. you know? not gold. and we got -- like when we got there, it just was -- it was
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interesting. >> were there other celebrities with you? >> not in my group. not in my group. as i stood -- let me repeat, stood on the field with transit workers, salts of the earth, you know, i look and i see mc hammer. mc hammer? mc hammer had like the silver vip tickets. he had like a white -- mc hammer. >> he gave more than $35 to president obama's campaign, so he was -- he bought his way on to that field. well, i can understand. >> you give money? i didn't know that. >> which one of these is yours? there we go. "barack like me", it comes out october 6. david alan grier, everybody. we'll be right back with 10-year-old vacuum expert, gregory evans. (german folk music plays)
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here. go f. ♪ we're back with david alan grier. i'll tell you, i think we all remember that
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very special chilehood birthday or christmas morning when we unwrapped that very first vacuum cleaner. our next guest has been collecting them since the age of 3. and he's brought along a few of his favorites to share with us tonight. from tuscola, illinois, please welcome gregory evans. [ cheers and applause ] greg, i assume this is part of your collection and you're not just cleaning up here right now. [ laughter ] this is one of your vacuum cleaners. >> uh-huh. >> how many do you have? >> 50 or 60. >> where do you keep them? >> everywhere. [ laughter ] >> everywhere in your house? >> in my play house and my grandpa's garage. >> oh, really, your play house is filled with vacuum cleaners? >> uh-huh. >> like most young boys. what makes this one special?
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it doesn't look -- i don't want to insult it, go ahead. >> my barbershop hair cutter, she gave it to me because it was broken. the fan inside of it was broken. so i had to put a new motor in it. >> and you put -- >> and you just took it apart and figured it out? >> uh-huh. >> and you do this regularly with vacuum cleaners. >> uh-huh. >> what is it about them that you like so much? >> i just like them. >> well, like the pattern on the carpet. that's nice, isn't it? >> uh-huh. >> do you like mowing the lawn too? >> uh-huh. >> i like the pattern of mowing the lawn also. it's called obsessive compulsive disorder. there's treatment for it. >> can i ask you a question? have you ever seen the show
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"hoarders"? >> you know, i have been asked that question too. it's people who collect things sometimes unusual things such as this. are the kids at school jealous that you have the vacuums? >> no. >> you were 3 years old when you started doing this? >> uh-huh. >> you're 4 years old in this picture. >> uh-huh. >> to give you a little history. was this your first vacuum? >> nope. >> this is a vacuum that you were photographed with. do you name your vacuums? >> no. >> you just own them and have a play house full of them? >> uh-huh. >> you vacuum at the house? >> uh-huh. >> is your room spotless, is it clean? >> no. >> why not? >> it's messy. >> it's messy. is the carpet clean? >> uh-huh. >> of course. but the rest of it is messy? >> uh-huh. >> what's your take on the rumba? >> they're okay.
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>> what about wet vacs, are you into those? >> mm-hmm. >> do you collect the big ones? >> some of them. >> we have a couple. what is this? this looks like an antique of some kind. this is yours. >> this is a victor. my dad got it for me off ebay. >> uh-huh. >> and you pump it to get the suction. >> uh-huh. did you freak out when you got this thing? >> yeah. >> what do you think about the dust buster? that's for wimps, right? yeah. [ laughter ] i mean, what is this? right? >> yeah. >> do you use the attachments on the vacuum cleaner? >> yeah. >> can you tell us what the attachments are? because i'm not really sure. i think it could be actually educational for me. i know that that's the one -- i use the one, the long one that's kind of squarish. >> this? >> no, i don't use that one. i threw that one right in the garbage. [ laughter ] >> this one? >> i don't know that is for. what is it for? >> it's the upholstery tool.
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it's for the chairs. >> do you do the chairs at home? >> not really. >> have you ever seen the steamers? >> yeah. >> do you like this a lot? >> uh-huh. >> and you just disconnect the hose. >> hook the hose up like this. >> oh. wow. you do really know what you're doing with this thing. >> then you can put the attachments on to this. >> did you ever turn it on and put your lips on it and it will -- [ laughter ] >> what other attachments are there? >> we have the dusting brush. >> what's that one for? >> you dust stuff like shelves. >> oh, wow. >> it has the crevice tool. >> the crevice tool! [ laughter ] that's what that's called, huh? well, this is very impressive. now, we saw in the news clip earlier that you're able to identify these vacuums simply by hearing them. >> uh-huh.
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>> so when we come back we'll put you to the test. we'll blind fold you and fire up some vacuums. oh, yes, we are. and we're going to test you. gregory evans, everybody. be right back. ♪
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we're here with david alan grier and gregory evans. this is not a hostage situation, and gregory has a special skill. he is able to identify vacuum cleaners just from the sound of the vacuum cleaner, correct? >> correct. >> just a second, jimmy. how many fingers am i holding in front of your eyes? >> i don't know. >> very good. gregory, your first vacuum. >> hoover convertible.
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>> hoover convertible. that is exactly right. [ cheers and applause ] gregory, your second vacuum cleaner. >> hoover elite. >> that is right, wow. [ cheers and applause ] and your next vacuum cleaner, gregory. >> hoover super duster. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's right. that was an easy one. >> okay, gregory, we've gotten a new vacuum cleaner. well, i don't want to give it away, but this is your next one. are you ready? >> yeah. [ imitates vacuum cleaner ] >> do you know that one? >> no. >> how about this one?
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that's a flow-by. try that one right there, dag. >> here we go. you're still blindfolded, right? >> right. >> here we go. >> orick. >> orick what, gregory? >> xl. >> that is right! [ cheers and applause ] >> gregory, you have a birthday next month? >> uh-huh. >> what do you want for your birthday? >> a dyson. >> a dyson. you don't have a dyson? >> no. >>s like the a rolls -- that's like the rolls royce of vacuum cleaners. well, take off your thing for a second there. yes. we've gotten you a present. it's a dyson vacuum cleaner. [ cheers and applause ] and isn't that beautiful?
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and also this bag of lint. [ laughter ] there you go. gregory evans, everybody. david alan grier. be right back with music from pink. ♪ - i won! - we won a trip! - ( screams ) - we're going to the show! - i won! i won! - ( shouting ) ( shouting continues ) play the game millions have won -- scrabble at subway! you could win $100,000 jackpots or exclusive prizes... like prius cars, beaches vacations, cash and live nation vip concert access.
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play scrabble at subway... where winners eat. ♪ here's another "nattyism"... with natty light. today's word is "natio furniture." "natio furniture." the use of a cooler of natty light... as a chair or table. as in... since cal decided to sit on the natio furniture, he made several new friends and an acquaintance. natty light. now you're talkin'. [ female announcer ] trying to be smart with the family budget? here goes the good old steam. [ pfffft! ] whooa!!!! [ female announcer ] let bounty help... because it cleans the mess with less than the bargain brands. it's thick and absorbent. and really durable. in lab tests bounty absorbs twice as much as the bargain brand. [ steam hisses ] why use more when you can use less? bring it. with bounty. the thick quicker picker-upper.
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well, i think you're going to like this. you better like this.
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this is her latest cd. it's called "funhouse". here with the song of the same name, pink. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i dance around this empty house ♪ ♪ tear us down, throw you out ♪ screaming down the halls spinning all around and now we fall ♪ ♪ pictures framing up the past your taunting smirk behind the glass ♪ ♪ this museum full of ash once a tickle, now a rash ♪ ♪ this used to be a funhouse but now it's full of evil clowns ♪ ♪ it's time to start the countdown ♪ ♪ i'm gonna burn it down, down, down ♪ ♪ i'm gonna burn it down nine, eight, seven, six, five,
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four, three, two, one, fun ♪ ♪ echoes knocking on locked doors ♪ ♪ all the laughter from before i'd rather live out on the street ♪ ♪ than in this haunted memory i've called the movers, called the maids ♪ ♪ we'll try to exorcise this place ♪ ♪ drag my mattress to the yard crumble tumble, house of cards ♪ ♪ this used to be a funhouse but now it's full of evil clowns ♪ ♪ it's time to start the countdown ♪ ♪ i'm gonna burn it down, down, down ♪ ♪ this used to be a funhouse but now it's full of evil clowns ♪ ♪ it's time to start the countdown ♪ ♪ i'm gonna burn it down, down, down ♪ ♪ i'm gonna burn it down
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nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, fun ♪ ♪ oh, i'm crawling through the doggie door ♪ ♪ my key don't fit my lock no more ♪ ♪ i'll change the drapes i'll break the plates ♪ ♪ i'll find a new place burn this down ♪ ♪ do do do do do do do do do do do do ♪ ♪ do do do do do do do do do do do do do do ♪ ♪ do do do do do do do ♪ do do do do do do do this used to be a funhouse ♪ ♪ but now it's full of evil clowns ♪
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♪ it's time to start the countdown ♪ ♪ i'm gonna burn it down, down, down ♪ i'm gonna burn it down ♪ [ cheers and applause ] óm
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i want to thank all my

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