tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC October 2, 2013 11:35pm-12:35am EDT
you checking out the vmas right now, wtf, miley, #inappropriate. next, miley assaults a dwafrf when miley cyrus returns. >> jimmy: young girls around the world if you get naked on a wrecking ball you too can be briefly engaged to the "hunger games" guy. from hannah montana to regular montana. as of yesterday it is lee gl to eat road kill in montana. yesterday was world vegetarian day. i guess it didn't take. road kill is such an ugly word. i prefer the term vehicularly harvested. the animals covered under the road kill, antelope, deer, elk and moose. before you take a dead animal home, you have to get a permit. imagine what the line for road kill permits in this country
are. that must be some group. so, just to recap. our government is shutdown now. you can eat road kill. like a novel has come to life. thit this is great video. as you can tell i don't participate in extreme sports. the closest i got to an extreme sport was opening, mountain dew code red. now that everyone has go-pro helmet cams we can experience what extreme sports feel like from the comfort of laptops. these are down low mountain bikers went for a ride in france. this is why it is so important not to exercise. whoa!
>> jimmy: they just kept coming. he broke his baguette. ha-ha. [ applause ] a new episode of the very popular show "duck dynasty" aired on a & e, one of the biggest hits in television, this summer a duck dynasty cruise. sold out instantly. fans of the show can join the cast on a fuour night cruise in the caribbean. if you are a seagull you may want to avoid the ship. for $1,000, you can have a chance to get up close and personal with the guys. serve all the meals. you get up close and eat the crumbs out of their beards. and "american idol" winner scotty mccreary will be performing for everyone on the cruise, for everyone except scotty mccreary. wasn't he supposed to be american idol. this is something on "good morning america," about to go over the heat index for the day
which is very important. watch for the guy in the neon green shirt. see if you can figure out what he is doing here. okay. there is the guy. and, maybe, maybe, we can, can we go back and see what he is doing there? holt on a second. maybe we can get one more shot there. there you go. that's the time square i remember from my youth. [ cheers and applause ] you guys remember that -- remember that show breaking bad. used to be on amc. and on sunday, miss it already. i went back. i watched the entire series in reverse. started from the finale and went back to the beginning. spoiler alert, walt end up becoming a high school chemistry teacher. anyway, sony pictures television, the company that produced the show partnering with a colombian producer to make a latin american version of breaking bad. instead of walter why. the name of the lead character. this is not a joke.
lead character is called walter blanco. he is even wearing his tighty blancos there. the colombian version slightly different from our version. i is common. honey boonen is nina de queso. and downton abby -- >> and modern family is called -- >> and the bachelor is called -- >> as you are no doubt aware, day two of the government shut down. it is anarchy out there. people are tearing tags off their mattresses. wearing white after labor day. the apocalypse in hollywood. john boehner is refusing to allow vote on the budget unless the affordable health care act is defunded. i miss the days when the government was ineffectible and paralyzed unintentionally.
i do. the shutdown, costing the country $300 million a day. you know, who foots the bill for the $300 million? oprah. that's who. just assuming. i've don't know. the government shutdown its affecting a lot of people. kids with cancer, can't get into medical trials. the epa has the had to stop a lot of its work protecting the environment. even, this is true, the kkk had to cancel a picnic. and they had, their sheets all ironed and everything. a lot of people are upset. a recent cnn poll showed congress' approval rating is done to 10%. i think herpes has a higher rating than that. i will say -- thinking about it. though 10% is low, it doesn't seem low enough. do one out of ten people really approve of the job congress is doing? and who are these people? because i want to work for them. i had a hard time believing this. so, i sent my on camera crew out on to hollywood boulevard today to ask people if they approved of the job congress is doing.
let's see how many people we have to ask before we final one, who approves of congress. okay. >> do you approve of the job congress is doing? >> i do not. >> do you approve of the job congress is doing? >> no. >> do you approve of the job congress is doing? >> disapproval. not coming to a conclusion. >> do you approve of the job congress is doing? >> not really. >> do you agreen wipprove of th congress is doing? >> absolutely not. >> do you approve of the job congress is doing? >> no. >> no. >> do you approve of the job congress is doing? >> not particularly. >> do you approve of the job kong re congress is doing? >> no. >> do you approve of the job that congress is doing? >> no. >> do you approve of the job that congress is doing? >> hold on. i'm on tv. >> what did you say?
>> do you approve of the job that congress is doing? >> do i approve of the jobs that they're doing, the shutdown? >> in general, yes, no. ask your friend. >> do you approve of the job that congress is doing? >> no. >> hi. >> do you approve of the job that congress is doing? >> no. [ speaking foreign language ] >> jimmy: one out of 17 people approve of the job congress is doing. a natural clown. the government shutdown is especially frustrating for those, what, so-called nonessential government employees who aren't allowed to work this week. around 800,000 workers have had their hours or jobs cut and tonight we found two of them. one is in new york. one in l.a. whchlt ween we come we'll pitch them against each other in a skype scavenger hunt to win a prize. plus, tim allen and kenny rogers are here too. so don't run away!
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>> jimmy: welcome back. kenny rogers is with us this evening. fish first it is time for the scavenger hunt. a twist. both are furloughed government employees, we'll meet them now from california, sean berry. hello, sean! >> how are you doing? >> jimmy: sean, what was your job for the government? >> i am assistant resource officer of the angeles national forest. >> jimmy: did they till yell yo
to come in? >> basically in so many words. >> how many word? >> nice little e-mail. >> jimmy: what have you within doing this week to kill time? >> hanging out, helping my friends with their kids. enjoying the sunshine i guess. >> jimmy: all right. making the best of it. sean your opponent tonight from his home in flushing, new york. mike kazbersak. is that how i pronounce it? >> you got it perfect, jimmy. >> jimmy: you are a government employee. you cannot tell what's you do, correct? >> that is correct. >> jimmy: are you a cia agent? >> i am not. >> jimmy: a meter maid? >> i am not. >> jimmy: all right. i can't think of any others. well, sean, mike, shake virtual hands. time to play the skype scavenger hunt. simple game. and it is to bring it back or do that as quickly and well as the you can. are you ready? your first challenge is to bring something back that will make the other person gjealous.
best item wins. the other guy jealous. and there they go. i loike them to be clawing like "real housewives" at the end of this thing. they're off, each in their home. i've don't know how many levels in sean's home. mike has a second -- i'd show my six-pack abs. sean, show us what item you brought back. to make mike jealous. what's that, sean? who are they? >> picture of my friends. >> jimmy: your friends? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what's going on in the forest? mike, can you see that? >> i can see that. >> jimmy: can you top that, is the question, what do you have, mike? >> pizza. >> wow, that, you really hit me in the heart right there.
i'm going to have to call that a tie. i don't think i can pick a winner there. round two. very strong submissions from echl each of you. all right this should be easier. this one you can sit still. come back wearing your ugliest shirt. >> all right. go. go. ha-ha. if those are the shirts they wear for a television appearance -- one can only imagine what kind of -- party naked spring break '92 shirt they're going to come back with. maybe one of those bikini lady shirts that are so, all right. here we go, sean is -- he is changing. and sean -- sean is wearing a -- what is that shirt, park service shirt? i like that shirt. you don't like that one? you think that is better than the other shirt you had on. mike, you have got -- what is
that? >> it was a shirt. doesn't really fit me too well. not my shirt. >> jimmy: again we will call this a tie. this is your final challenge. and this one is going to decide it. all right. so, we got to go strong here. come back with the most embarrassing thing in your night stand. we'll also accept something hidden under your bed. most embarrassing thing in your night stand. sean is not rushing -- all right. now this is the real decision making time for mike and sean. because on one hand they want to win. on the other hand, god only knows what they have got next to their bed. all right, sean. shaurn sean, what is that? >> cosmetic face mask. >> jimmy: you put that on your face before you go to bed? >> it's to get all the dirt out of my pores.
>> jimmy: ha-ha! all right. [ applause ] mike, sean brought back a cosmetic face mask. >> jimmy: what is that? >> a small duck. >> jimmy: you keep it in your bed stand. what in god's name do you do with that duck? >> it's good for massages. >> jimmy: oh, my god. ernie and bert would be disgusted. all right, well you know what? i think we are going to have to call this a tie. we have two winners. tell the guys what they win here? >> for their superior efforts, sean and mike receive sony skype-enabled, 47-inch tv's. >> all right. >> jimmy: there you go. thank you, fellows. hope you are become to work soon. that's sean and mike from california and new york. thank you very much. >> jimmy: tonight on the show, kenny rogers is here to chat and sing. and we'll be right back with tim allen. [ male announcer ] applebee's doesn't just give you juicy steak.
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make old friends," which is true, live from the sony stage, kenny rogers is here. make sure to watch tomorrow night -- john mayer will be here, and from "scandal," katie lowes. our first guest tonight is one of very few actors to have co-starred with both pamela anderson and a talking potato head. his show "last man standing" airs at 8:00 friday nights here on abc. please say hello to tim allen. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: how is life? everything all right? >> very fine here. >> jimmy: ha-ha. >> your's very kind.
>> jimmy: good stew sto see you. >> everything good? a little bit with kenny rogers back there. >> jimmy: did you chat with kenny? do you know each other? >> we go way back. just met him. he is nice, nice cat back there. >> jimmy: how is your family? >> it is all good. i have an older girl. my youngest is 4. just realized that farts smell. girls are so cute. girls and biz aoys are differen. boys are like, right away know what it is, let's light them. girls are polite like women turn out to be. read the book. cracked one in the bedroom. she goes this area doesn't smell right. you can hear that, baby. >> jimmy: this whole area. >> just kind of outlined it. this whole area doesn't smell right. >> jimmy: what is the age difference between your daughters. >> do you really want to go there? 4 1/2 and 23. >> jimmy: 4 1/2 and 23.
was it you wanted to wait and see how one would turn out before you committed to having another? >> no, i am just not home that much. >> jimmy: were you girlie as a little person? >> yes, i like summer dresses and espadrills. it's all right. it's california. jerry brown wants that legal. >> jimmy: what kind of a kid were you as a little kid? >> eddie haskel. i made bed when i slept over. i made the bed so the other kid looked bad. you know why can't you beep more like tim? i always heard that. my mom said "they don't know you." we had, there was nine of us. at one point there was seven boys. just, just killed, maim, destroy, fire, burn, boys you can't leave us alone. it's, we're terrible you. leave us aalone, we will blow something up. >> jimmy: did you blow anything up? >> what didn't i.
my dad died when i was a kid, tragically. he loved explosives. he didn't die that way. >> jimmy: i decided to be quiet. >> we went to 54th and federal. firecrackers, not this weird crap you get at the supermarket. >> jimmy: you can't get the good stuff any more. >> you can eat it. the grocery store, fun pack for fourth of july. >> jimmy: they look like firecrackers. >> put them on the sidewalk. i don't know. girls will sparkle look this. boys go and want to bundle them together. bundle them put them in a bottle with chemicals and pack it in and irritate, irritate the explosive. my dad used to say "firecrackers don't look to be crowded." we wished with them. wrap themm ein toilet paper, so them, and throw them in the creek. fish would arrive at the top. they weren't dead. they were very upset and
stunned. one day, my dad, i think it was, three cherry bombs is an m 80, four m 80s, its kkk, a what a 9-year-old need is a gross, under their bed. literally a small taliban warrior. so many explosives. borrowed a bike, repainted it, sold it for four m-80s. i didn't use them. if i like something i save it. i covet stuff. there is, in between the curb and sidewalk, rubber, whip that out. my dad is mowing the lawn. middle of august. no rooeason to be doing this. and extend the fuse. crowd it, plug it in. yeah, forgot the part about stand back. so i lit that thing. and for a month it was -- it blew off a 700-pound piece of concrete, 4 inches, a lot, the window -- sheferman's window
shattered? >> jimmy: whose window? >> sheferman's. >> my dad stops mowing thinking to congratulate, you "son of a gun." the days you get your ass kicked by your parent. and the other people are, yeah, didn't call social services. let me hold his arms? >> jimmy: was sheferman upset? >> he was always upsite. shot out his windows. got a b.b. gun. got a b.b. gun. i loved comics. the super heroes are nothing like comic. it's better when they're this big. you get them they look like a costume party. got a daisy pump shotgun. in the days, the postman brings a gun to the house. >> jimmy: they still will do that. >> a lot of fake hoopla. magazine sizes and everything. a lot. i think the second amendment
should be everybody should be required to have a musket, that's what they meant. you know if everybody had a musket it would be everybody. so someone comes in the house. you stay right there, hold on. everybody had a musket. but i had this bb gun. my mom said this is, mr. sheferman said you shot out all the windows in her sun porch. i said i couldn't get the ones on the left side because of the angle. i end up shooting my grandma with it. she had it coming. >> jimmy: you have to. what did she do to earn that? >> the bad grandma, i wouldn't shoot, because she would kick your -- yeah, she would punch you in the thorax. not a good one. my mom puts us in the room. my brother, four of us at the time. you hate each other. go to your room relax, relax. 8, 9, 10, 12, 13. relax? we're going to kill each other. i have a gun. holding a gun.
my older brother goes i wonder if it hurts to got shot at that. everyone in the room is like, shoot him, shoot him. shoot him. if i shoot him he will forget he asked me. everybody we're not going to shoot any body. boys just sit there, hey, let's shoot granny. we all went, yeah, yeah. that's a great idea. and our rationale was she loves it. she won't care. she loves us, she won't care. yeah, yeah, yeah, we hunt grammy down. and we wait in her bedroom, when she would get dressed. older woman, didn't care that you watched her. you are boys, you want to have her get dressed. you shouldn't get boys watch you get dressed. in your 70s, 80s, you are like, oh, god. no matter where you turned your face your eyes are locked on. oh. >> jimmy: disheartening. >> it is. shoving things into plastic, snaps, oh, god, oh. it looked like an orangutan picking up fruit. really did. i love my grammy, i love her.
god rest her soul. loved my grammy. we figured with all that body armor she is not going to fool a b.b. you get that -- you know, ten pumps for a shot. 30 ought to be better, right? the last one, you are like -- but you got a kick from a bb gun. you're pushing steel. i didn't think, i didn't think she would feel it. i took her down at the top of the stairs. no! oh, good i thought i killed her. i really thought i killed her. so a gave the gun to my younger brother. i hid. because -- she was good. she was all right. she lived. she lived. >> jimmy: all right. thank goodness. she is a fine now. she is fine now. tim allen. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] introducing new fast acting advil.
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in the morning is easy. pop them in, go about your business, and in just 15 minutes, your family can enjoy warm fresh from the oven biscuits. pillsbury gnds biscuits. let the making begin. faster than kenny can dodge a question. honey, how'd that test go? [ female announcer ] in just 60 seconds, you've got snack defying, satisfying mmm. totino's pizza rolls. mm-hmm. hmm. [ female announcer ] zero to pizza. pronto. now in two bold new flavors! >> now, i need you to drive me to my 8:00 a.m. class in the morning. as a treat if you wait around after class. you can drive me home. >> i will waste time playing hackysack. >> do you have your own sack? >> sure. >> surprised to hear that.
>> bye. >> i'll see you. > jimmy: tim allen! "last man standing" airs friday nights at 8 here on abc -- are you enjoying doing the show? >> home improvement was such a part of my life. if you have a beautiful dog, passed away. letting dogs go. never have a degree. i have a puppy took care of. and germed the idea with abc. now like having a dog, i pay respect to home improvement, i love the cast and crew, a lot of cross pollination. in this. i love these girls, hector is like my wilson. >> jimmy: you like these people better, don't you? >> a little bit. i love being able to take another shot at is. bob newhart show, very few guys that had an opportunity. very grateful. i love working on the set. love all this business. this cast, there is so many people in the cast that tie really like. i am grateful as hell to do it.
>> jimmy: do you love doing stand-up, you do quite a built, especially in las vegas? >> i get to say what i think. the show run by the twork. we work for some body else. in vegas i work for me, i can say what i want and get in trouble for it. >> jimmy: do you have fun in vegas? >> old days. you were all night. i did that. now i am home. what time is the show over. i did a, a drew cary had a party. dropping his name. adore the guy. k.c. and the sunshine band was at a party. a party for crying out loud. he gets up there, what you are thinking, what happened to me? 60 years old, that's what happened to me. up there doing a bit. do a little dance. make a little love, fall down tonight. he is checking, like how much longer do i have to do this? and i thought, vegas, some times do two shows. i fly from, cbs where we shoot the show and go to las vegas. i am thinking in the middle of the show what was i thinking?
it is a young man's sport. >> jimmy: itch yf you want to sm allen, distracted not paying attention to his act, you can see him performing live at the venetian in las vegas november 8th, 9th, 22nd and 23rd. "last man standing" on abc. thank you, tim allen! we'll be right back with kenny rogers. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] (music plays throughout)
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>> jimmy: our next guest is one of the best-selling musical artists this nation has ever produced. he's sold more than 120 million albums around the world and taught us invaluable lessons about holding, folding, walking and running. his new album --"you can't make comes out october 8th, please welcome kenny rogers.
♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very happy to have you here. >> glad to be here. i love tim allen. i have watched this shows forever. >> jimmy: he has mixed feelings about you, he told me. >> can i come back out? start over. >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> doing good. >> jimmy: i have a million questions for you. >> i have four answers. >> jimmy: first of all, i was always interested in the friendship between you and lionel ritchie. in fact i have a photograph of you and lionel together. lounging about onhat appears to beep a pool area or tennis court? when lionel was here he told us about "lady" he wrote for you.
in the recording studio, you said you would sing it. he had one line written all. up ai was working at the rivera hotel in las vegas. i said i would love to record some of your music. i love the commodore stuff. he said i am really very busy right now. for whatever it is worth it will be on a greatest hits album that will sell 5 million, 6 million albums. he said how is 8:30, thursday. he comes over. and plays "lady" and he said how do you like it? i like that word, that is a good word. but he, so, he said, he wrote out a verse. and i go in the studio to record it. and i record the first verse. i am looking all around. i can't find the second verse. where is the second verse? lionel its in the toilet writing it right now. can't write unless he is under pressure. i don't know what that means. >> jimmy: bet you two were all up to shenanigans in those days, yes? >> yes, yes.
yes. >> jimmy: i did not know this, your wife is, has an identical twin. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how does that go? that's -- that is a little odd, right? >> it is a little odd. when i first met them. i thought for sure. i saw tonya, her sister drive by. next day i was having lunch with ju wanda, like out of a movie. turn the corner, in lock step. this time they're dressed exactly like. i see them from 20 feet. i don't know which one is mine. whichever one sits down here it is okay with me. it is really interesting. because, i mean, twins, we have, wanda and i have identical twins that are 9 years old. >> jimmy: your sons. >> they say having kids at my age, they either make you or break you. right now, i'm leaning heavily toward break. just brutal. just brutal. >> jimmy: they will be happy to hear that.
>> someone told me once that 6-year-old boys are little criminals ic s i made it my geo safely into prison before i die. >> jimmy: noble goal. a weird story. i don't know itch you are aware of this. my wife goes over off to kenya and does volunteer work, been there a bunch of times. and a lot of the people there don't speak any english, but they know all of your songs. so, her friend, zan who woe, sah this, pick up hitchhikers, and a masai warrior pops a cassette in into the deck and starts playing "the gamblers." the guys, i asked them to videotape it. this is what goes on there in kenya. ♪ ♪ know when to fold them know when to walk away know when to run ♪
♪ you never count your money when you're sitting at the table there will be time enough for counting when the deal is done ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> drinking a little bit too. >> jimmy: beer and kenny rogers their two favorite things over there. some of the guys came to, they came over off to my house, we spent the whole night watching like your videos and singing along to your songs. >> that is so sad. i mean, really, surely you could have found something better. >> kenny, kenya, they're confused. i don't know, do you have any, expl explanation. wanda and i went over. took our family, went on a safari, went to kenya. 20 guys set up the camp and moved it over night. when we left every one of the guys brought me a cd of mine off
to sign for them. and interesting, they were cds i had never seen. i have never seen the picture on the front of it. didn't know what this, i don't know where they got it. all bootlegged copies. they were so excited. i just signed them. >> jimmy: why not. maybe we will have you sign this. send this over to the four guys drinking beer too. kenny rogers, his new album "you can't make old friends." and comes out in october. you are going to sing for us tonight >> i am going to sing for you. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with kenny rogers. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
(sigh) naomi, i take it? i'm tracey. your résumé is fantastic... (slurping) with authentic, expertly crafted roasts and legendary brews, eight o'clock is the coffee for those who put coffee first. (slurp) (whirring) >> jimmy: i'd like to thank tim allen and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. tomorrow night, john mayer and katie lowes will be here. nightline is next. but first, his new album "you can't make old friends" comes out tuesday. here with the song, "'merica," kenny rogers. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
♪ red like the red dirt down in south alabama white white lightning ♪ ♪ mason jar in my head blue like the color of a hard working man land that i love ♪ ♪ 'merica ♪ red like the glow from a coca-cola can white like the coast filled with carolina sand ♪ ♪ we got blues and suede shoes mississippi river man ♪ ♪ land that i love 'merica ♪
when you don't say yes ma'am ♪ ♪ white like the dance moves from my drunk uncle sam ♪ ♪ blue in my rear view but i don't give a damn land that i love 'merica ♪ ♪ from new york city to the san francisco bay colorado rookies to the oklahoma plains ♪ ♪ know that when the sun goes down it will come back 'round again ♪ ♪ land that i love america ♪ ♪ ooh ooh ooh whoa-oh
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