tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC February 1, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST
>> jimmy: very nice. thank you. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. really. i will say i'm surprised, i'm glad you made it in the door. we've had some serious wind here over the last two days. the whole city looks like a beyonce video. it was intense. one of the real house wives of orange county's eyebrows almost moved. that's how bad it was. it was a mess. satellite dishes i saw fly off my neighbor's roof, a satellite dish. hair extensions hanging from trees. my power went out last night just as rizzo was about to get a hickey. did she get the hickey? i didn't see that, good, all right.
the wind was blowing power lines down. there were little explosions in my neighborhood. there were kid in the street, five or six teenagers in the swords. you know the ones? park? they look like toys but -- i don't know. hurt. anyway, i told them to go in the house because it was too dangerous to play outside. and they're like, ugh, get away from us, you old creep! they didn't say that but i could tell that's what they were thinking. speaking of old creeps, ton night was caucus night in iowa. the candidates for president have been camped out for what seems like weeks trying to get votes in what is the first real test of their electability. donald trump has been in and out of iowa. he had a rally at the airport in dubuque over the weekend. while waiting for him to show up one of his supporters led the crowd in the pledge of allegiance to the flag, even
>> since we don't actually have a flag here with us, we're going too pretend like we have one. so just look here. i pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america -- >> jimmy: when he says we need to make america great again, that is what he's talking about. we need flags. the iowa caucuses are an important part of our election process. there are a few key differences between a caucus and a primary election. first one is, no one knows what a caucus is or how it works. even in iowa they don't know. they just wander around nodding at each other. and the republicans and democrats caucus differently. it's not the same thing. the democrats do it, they go into rooms, they divide, you stand in one corner of the room if you're one group, stand in the other corner, there's an empty chair for the martin
they pick the candidate the same way children play kickball, everyone goes to their corner. the republicans do it privately, they write the names of their preferred candidate on a slip of paper and vote by secret ballot. we tape our show before the results are in so we don't know who won either primary yet. all we do know is that jeb bush lost. [ laughter ] right? poor jeb bush. [ cheers and applause ] he hasn't done a good job of marketing himself. first mistake, slogan was -- i guess to eliminate the word bush, the slogan was jeb! exclamation point, which is not a slogan, it's his name business upbeat punctuation. then "jeb can fix it" which sounds like a local roto rooter or someone's uncle's youtube channel. this morning was reading an article, a popup ad promoting jeb bush, it said, it's time for a president.
this country humming again. it's time for a president. he's literally describing why we're having an election. well, four years are almost up, it's time for a president, maybe it could be me but if not, no worries. i'll just go back into my house. ted cruz caused some controversy out. this showed up in the mail, election alert, voter violation, time-sensitive documents. inside was a report card listing names of other people in the person's neighborhood and giving them grades. all fs as you can see. they all got 55%. you are receiving this election notice because of low expected voter turnout in your area. your individual voting history as well as your neighbor's are public record. their scores are published below. as well. caucus on monday to improve your score.
of course it's all bogus. the iowa secretary of state said it misrepresents iowa election law. sarah palin, who's a friend of ted cruz, said the mailers were offensive and shameful. and donald trump said it is one of the most disgraceful things he's ever seen in politics, then he said, all mexicans are drug dealers and that carly fiorina's face turns children to stone. but the caucus has -- it's been caulked, it's over. the candidates i guess go from me pretending to care about iowa to pretending to care about new hampshire next and so on. we have a very strong show for you tonight. two oscar win others the show from the movie "steve jobs." kate winslet is here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] from the tv miniseries "madoff," richard dreyfuss is here with us. kate winslet and richard dreyfuss, the absolute last two people you'd ever want to get on a boat with.
this is something fun. this comes to us from brazil where a priest is offering parishioners a service that i have not ever heard of before. now, they have children lining up for what they call a preventive exorcism. you see people even get kicked. he takes each kid by the head and shakes -- i guess it makes the devil dizzy or something? then he'll do it to the -- not to the parents but to the kids. he gives them a little shampoo without the lather. and pushes them along their way. then i guess they all go home demon-free. it's almost like he caught them taking money out of the collection basket. get over here, you. maybe he's checking to make sure their heads don't spin all the way around. early tonight on abc, the lord gifted us with a new episode of
we're five weeks into "the botch lar" and in classic "bachelor" style tonight they added a bit of drama by adding a new and very unexpected contestant. >> tonight -- everything is about to change. >> there's a new contestant on the bachelor. >> this is iris. >> she's a cyclops. >> i know this is weird. >> and a psycho. >> oh, i'm totally playing these bitches. >> the date card drama. >> amanda? >> as iris keeps her eye on the prize. >> can i steal him for a second? >> the group date that she never saw coming. >> you're all going to a 3d movie. >> a the gggh! >> "the bachelor: eye for an eye." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: for those who missed
don't have time to watch it, or dvr or whatever, i am going to recap this for you. the best way i know how. with emojis. you don't have to speak english to understand this. here we go. it's time for "the bachelor recap." it started tonight with ben. and the women. flying to mexico. then ben had a one-on-one date with amanda. the date was a hot air balloon ride. they kissed on the balloon. they had dinner. he gave her a rose. then they kissed some more. the next day there was a group date where ben and the women had a mexican food cooking competition. before the competition, olivia -- here's olivia who everyone thinks is the devil. chose ben to be her teammate in the cooking competition, which made all the other women very unhappy.
winning the competition. then they had a party where they home. now jubilee was the only african-american contestant on the show, so happy black history month, everybody. and then to make matters worse, ben gave a rose to the hated olivia. the next day ben had a one-on-one with lauren where they walked into -- in a fashion show, they were part of the they had dinner together. they kissed. and then she got a rose. which was followed by a big cocktail party. where the women drank, they cried, they made out with ben, they drank some more. olivia called amanda a teen mom. and then everyone cried to ben about how much they hate olivia. ben told olivia he wanted to speak with her. the women got excited because maybe he was sending her home. but before we learn anything the
on the screen and left us hanging. that was "the bachelor." [ cheers and applause ] in emojis. when we come back from the break, we asked people here in l.a. if they voted in the caucus today, in a special iowa caucus edition of "lie witness news." stick around, we'll be right back. lease a 2016 lincoln mkx for $399 a month
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50th super bowl, super bowl 50, broncos versus panthers. the panthers are 5 1/2 point favorites to win. according to "forbes" magazine the average price for a super bowl ticket this year is $5,160.49. the only people who can afford to go to the super bowl are the guys playing in the super bowl. ticket prices really are out of control. i'll tell you something, when bernie sanders is president? everyone will get to go to the super bowl. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] are you betting on the game? >> jimmy: who do you think is going to win? >> guillermo: panthers. >> jimmy: why do you think that? >> guillermo: because they're favored. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, well. makes sense. you're deferring to the experts what is you're saying. >> guillermo: exactly. >> jimmy: all right. the sunday after the super bowl the game is being played in toronto this year. but you know, the united states and canada aren't the only places that have basketball all-stars.
it is the country, not the state. they had an all-star game for their basketball super league, and these highlights from the all-star game will help to explain why they call it a super league. >> jimmy: the crowd ate it up. [ cheers and applause ] a very close game, the final score was 6-4. here's another less than stellar athletic achievement. this is from the cycle cross world championships in belgium yesterday. watch the guy in front. he's a cyclist from the czech republic who probably would have won had he realized that he still had one full lap left to go.
tublik is sprinting flat out to try and keep these belgians at bay. oh, no. he thinks he's won. >> no, no, no. >> no, it's one lap to go, it's one lap of racing to go. he hasn't earned it. it's one lap of racing to go. he thinks he's won the world title. >> jimmy: i know who's second place, i guess. you know what, listen. if you think you won, you won. haven't you read "the secret"? it's called visualizing. as mentioned they held the much talked about iowa caucuses. they had them in iowa this year. which made sense. but a caucus is a term that's right up there with delegate and electorate and other important words we pretend we know what they mean every four years. because when it comes to politics you don't want to seem like you're uninformed even if you are uninformed. the iowa caucuses were undoubtedly the biggest story of the day.
hollywood boulevard to ask people if they got out to vote in it. which of course they did not. most people have to be in iowa to vote in the iowa caucuses. but if you believe you can do anything -- in your heart -- you too can wind up in yet another mind-boggling edition of "lie witness news." >> iowa state today is the first caucus of the presidential election. >> okay. >> a big day for politics. have you been able to get out and vote yet? >> yes, i have. >> where did you vote? >> i voted at an elementary school by my house. >> have you been able to get out and vote? >> i absolutely have. >> and where's your polling place? >> it is the lutheran church in hollywood. >> how were the lines today? >> not bad. >> not bad? >> no. >> today is the first caucus of the presidential election, did you get out and vote? >> i did. >> where did you vote? >> i voted -- you want to know who i voted for?
>> i voted at the school down the street. >> the polling people were nice? >> very nice, very nice. >> did they offer cookies or juice? >> they did. i think coffee and a doughnut. >> how was the coffee? >> i didn't have it. it was nice that it was offered. >> has anybody else rubbed it in your face that they've already voted? >> not -- unfortunately, no. but i see that they are getting free gifts though. >> what sort of free gifts? >> gift cards, free coffee, sandwiches, stuff like that. >> what do you have to say to people who didn't vote today? >> i think you guys need to get your -- cabooses out there and go vote. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight on the show we have music from old dominion. richard dreyfuss is here. and we'll be right back with kate winslet. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by digiorno.
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[ cheers and applause ] all come to look for america all come to look for america all come to look for america i'm bernie sanders, and i approve this message. car repairs, home improvements, a family trip ...it's not easy to afford them. what did marco rubio do? he put $22,000 in personal a republican party credit card. rubio's bad judgment caused a scandal and for five years rubio refused to release
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. tonight, from the brand new made for television movie "madoff" which premieres wednesday here on abc, the great richard dreyfuss is here. [ cheers and applause ] then, from nashville, tennessee this
is their debut album, it's called "meat and candy," old dominion from the samsung stage.
tomorrow night, george clooney will be here tomorrow. [ audience groaning ] >> jimmy: how do you think it makes the other guests feel? dave
salmoni is bringing wild animals, and later this week jason sudeikis, regina king, lionel richie, channing tatum, [ cheers and applause ] okay. and we will have music from kopecky and elton john. i'm sorry. our first guest is the owner of an oscar, an emmy, four golden globes and even a grammy award. later this month she may add to her burdened mantel for her work in the movie "steve jobs," which comes out february 16th on blu-ray, dvd, and digitally too. please welcome kate winslet!
>> jimmy: how are you doing? >> i'm doing really well. >> jimmy: it's very nice to meet you. i have to say with all the awards i feel almost like a winner sitting near you. just by proxy. >> this is the first time for us. >> jimmy: this is the first time. >> this is our first time, guys.
>> jimmy: i hope it isn't our last. [ cheers and applause ] >> this is our first time. >> jimmy: i know you have the oscars coming up, s.a.g. awards over the weekend. what was the first award you ever won? i'm not talking about as an actor or showbiz, i mean in your life. what was the first honor you ever received? do you remember? >> i do, actually. >> jimmy: what was it? >> i came second in a song and dance competition. and my song was "dingell dangle square crow." i'm a dingell dangle scarecrow with a very floppy hat i came in second. age 7. >> jimmy: okay, good.
>> i was a child, years ago. >> jimmy: wired thing as an adult. who was the winner? do you remember who beat you in that? >> no, i think i killed her. no, i don't, i don't remember. >> jimmy: no one remembers. >> no one remembers, who cares, look at me now. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: dingling and dangling -- seemed like you were having fun at the s.a.g. awards. >> s.a.g., is it not alarming the use of that world? sag? sag awards? it's always struck me as being faintly amusing. i don't think we laugh about that enough. >> jimmy: it's funny because no one there has any sagging going on at all. >> you are right about that. and it's slightly unnerving. no, it was great fun, it was really a lot of fun. there's such a strange and wonderful time, you know. award season. i suddenly realized recently that we find ourselves in this incredible situation to have
did not choose to enter. and then you find yourself really wanting to win. it's like, what's happened to me? >> jimmy: do you really have that? >> i suddenly do a little bit, actually, if i'm honest. >> jimmy: wow. i like that. >> i think it's natural, isn't it, to want to win one of those great fabulous prizes. >> people lie and say it's not -- oh, i didn't write a speech. >> i'm done saying that. i'm done saying it's great to be nominated. it is, it really is. it's really great to win! [ cheers and applause ] it's so great! i'm so shameless. it's so disgusting, isn't it. >> jimmy: this is a little victory at the s.a.g. awards over the weekend. >> yes. oh, that's nice. look at michael shannon, he's so delighted. >> jimmy: i don't think he knows fully what's happening before him. >> i can tell you i'm feeling susan sarandon's tits. >> jimmy: oh! >> she's shameless.
>> of course not. it's like -- agh! i may have felt kirsten wig's butt as well. >> jimmy: people were excited you were sitting next to or near leonardo dicaprio at the show. even though in a way you let him freeze to death in the water. >> i agree. i think he could have fitted on that. >> jimmy: there was plenty of room. >> i know. people always are so excited to see leo and myself in the same space. which you know, at the end of the day, that's so lovely, isn't it. it's been 20 years. people still get -- [ cheers and applause ] it's so -- it's really, you know -- really quite endearing. we do laugh about it, we were giggling about it last night. my god, can you actually believe it, that people get so -- they just get so overwhelmed by the jack and rose thing? >> jimmy: well, yeah. first of all it's one of the biggest movies ever. really it's the first time we
you, but the first time -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: was that the first time you were nominated? >> please, darling, that was my second. >> jimmy: that was your second time. >> no, actually -- that was disgusting. erase that bit. >> jimmy: it's hard to track. >> no, i have been -- i'd done a film called "sense and sensibility" which was written by emma thompson who also was in the film. >> jimmy: right, yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> i was 19 years old. so i was 19 years old and find myself at the academy awards with my parents. [ bleep ]. it's quincy jones! i mean, it really was a game of spot the famous person. it was completely, you know, overwhelming and still is. >> jimmy: were they both sitting with you at this show? >> yes, they were. >> jimmy: they were, oh, boy. >> by my side. good old mom and dad. >> jimmy: that's good and also can be bad, right?
parents are going to say to others. >> that's true. and my dad can be quite sort of excitable and unpredictable. so actually you're right. >> jimmy: my dad will blurt things out sometimes that have no real bearing on anything. he cornered one of the guys from one direction in the bathroom. >> really. what did he say? >> jimmy: "my niece is a big fan." >> that's brilliant. brilliant, i love that. >> jimmy: as if he didn't know that. >> that is absolutely fantastic. >> jimmy: when we come back, we have something -- this is going to be fun. it's an exercise. not necessarily a game. because you will not win -- it's just something for us to do. there will be no prize for you at the end, i don't want you to get your hopes up. >> why not? >> jimmy: all right, we'll give you something. >> i want prizes! >> jimmy: you can win my phone, i'll never be able to make a call again if you win this game. kitt winslet is here, the movie is "steve jobs."
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>> everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone is waiting for the mac. >> maybe. but what happens when they find out that for $24.95 there's nothing you can do with it? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: kate winslet. "steve jobs" is available february 16th on blu-ray, dvd and digital. this is a great compliment. it took me nine minutes to realize it was you when i saw you. >> give me some! that was my hope. that was my plan. i wanted to -- i really wanted to completely disappear into her. i didn't want people to know that it was me. >> jimmy: the woman that you played, you met it ? >> i spent time with joanna hoffman, such an extraordinary lady, a great friendship with steve jobs. the stories she shared were incredibly helpful. that dialect. she was born in poland but raised in armenia, went back to poland, half her family spoke russian -- i mean, it was pretty terrifying, taking that on.
well is that with a european one you're only one step away from a "saturday night live" sketch. if you get it just a
hair off, it can go the wrong way. >> jimmy: perfectly right, there are nine people a that know it's perfectly right, and she's one of them. >> it's true. >> jimmy: even to her she probably doesn't sound like she sounds because no one sounds like they sound. this was a complete waste of time. >> you're right. [ laughter ] >> i could have just done it in my standard rp. >> jimmy: i enjoyed the movie. how many movies have you been in? >> i don't know. my 12-year-old often makes me count and we sit there going like this. 12, 13, 14. then we sort of lose count. i think it's probably somewhere around 30. >> jimmy: we're going to put you to the test. you've been in around 30 movies. >> i think so. >> jimmy: this game is "name that you."
show you a photograph of one of the characters from one of your movies. you have to tell us that character's name. >> good sglns we'll start with easy ones. we'll start -- you just said this one. >> joanna hoffman. >> jimmy: correct. surnames as well? >> jimmy: that would be nice. you'll get bonus points. >> some of them didn't have surnames. rose. >> jimmy: correct. "the reader." >> hannah schmitts. >> jimmy: correct. next, "sense and sensibility." >> marianne dashwood. >> jimmy: all right, more recently -- >> janine matthews. >> what? >> janine matthews. >> correct. next up -- >> oh, wow -- >> jimmy: "contagion." >> what was her name? >> jimmy: she was a doctor. >> erin meres. >> jimmy: correct! i don't know why i'm impressed. >> rita. >> jimmy: that is rita.
>> clementine kuchinsky. >> jimmy: finally one more to run the table -- >> that's -- my mother. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: kate winslet was the original chewbacca in the original "star wars" movies. >> that's right! >> jimmy: well, it's very good to have you here. good luck at the oscars. "steve jobs" is available february 16th on blu-ray, dvd and digital. we'll be right back with
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, welcome back. still to come, music from old dominion. our next guest is also an oscar winner and one of the greats of all-time you know him from "jaws," "close encounters, "mr. holland's opus," and many more. next up, he stars as a villain named bernie in the tv movie "madoff," it starts wednesday night at 8:00 here on abc. please say hello to
>> if it makes you feel any better we tell them not to stand because it blocks the cameras. i'm very happy to have you here. >> i am happy to be here. >> jimmy: talking to kate about the awards, were you really hoping to win? at one time you were the youngest ever to win the best actor. >> i knew i was going to win and i was thrilled to death. >> jimmy: you knew? >> i knew it. >> jimmy: how did you know? >> because i sussed it out. >> jimmy: you did the -- >> no, no, no. >> jimmy: calculations? >> my agent called me and said, that was a shock. nominated? when he told me who else i said, i'm going to win. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i like that. and you were right. >> i had already won a great deal of money betting against
>> jimmy: who would you bet with on these things? >> oh, people in the biz. >> jimmy: i see. betting against yourself. >> i bet against myself when i did "the apprenticeship of ditty kravitz." people said i was going to be nominated, i said no, they said yes, i said i bet you, and i was right and they were wrong. so then i figured out richard gerton, marcelo mastrani, woody allen, john travolta. i'm a lock. i'm a lock, i mean -- plauds applause [ applause ] >> jimmy: did you win any money? >> i won a lot of money. >> yes. then next year -- >> jimmy: what maniacs bet against you? >> the next year i won a lot of money betting -- quick, tell me who won the best actor last year. and the answer was me.
that's how fast people forget. >> jimmy: really. >> yeah. that's a true story. >> jimmy: did that change your life? immediately? when you won that -- >> the bet? >> jimmy: no, not the bet. [ laughter ] the trophy itself. i mean, what was the immediate impact? >> honest to god? you can actually kind of see this on the tape. i went -- i took the award from sylvester stallone and i turned and i went -- and it took me about 15 years to figure out what that was. and it was that i didn't know or care about anyone in that audience. and i hadn't -- i felt like a complete outsider. and i felt that i had won it easily 25 years too soon. >> jimmy: really. >> and i felt this kind of stab of anxiety. at that moment. >> jimmy: why do you think you won it too soon? >> because i had nothing to
i had nothing ahead of me. you know, when i say nothing, i don't literally mean nothing. but that was no longer ahead of me. >> jimmy: what about all the sex, though, you know? >> that made it better. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that takes a little of the sting
out of it. >> anonymous sex, beautiful women throwing themselves at you on central park west -- it heals. >> jimmy: if you'd brought me to the awards i would have put it immediately. who did you bring to that show? >> i brought my girlfriend at the time. and my mother was there. >> jimmy: all right. >> and she 11 state levitated out of her chair when that happened. >> jimmy: so at least one person at that time. >> exactly, exactly two. >> jimmy: i have to say, when
that's a movie for me, i've seen it 40 times, i love that movie. about? affidavit was talking about "titanic." people get a kick out of seeing her and leo. i imagine you can't eat mashed potatoes in public. you can't go to the beach because of "jaws." i mean -- >> yeah, that's why, after awhile, movie stars don't leave their house. because there are those iconic things they can no longer do. >> jimmy: i saw you once. it was 1987. i was on my first -- >> i remember you in the airport. >> jimmy: in the airport, that's right. >> i remember. you were heavier. >> jimmy: you don't remember. i was actually much thinner. there was a group of baggage handlers screaming "tin man" at you, everyone screaming "tin man," you were cracking up laughing. at that point i'd not really met any celebrities. i'm like, wow, this is a crazy life this guy has.
and a triple dan martial arts expert. we used to walk around new york together. one day this kid on a bicycle screeched right in front of me. and robert all of a sudden was in front of me and in the posture and argh! and i -- whoa! all the kid was saying, "hey, jaws! and i thought robert was going to kill him. >> jimmy: jaws claims another victim. this bernie madoff story, i watched this, so interesting. there's so many things i didn't know about this guy. i had -- you know, i should read more. but your depiction of him. i didn't realize, i thought maybe he was a guy that got in over his head. but he really was a very bad --
>> bad. sociopathological, crippling sick, psychotic man. >> jimmy: someone who knows that this is going to end badly. i mean, he must have known that it was going to end badly. >> no, he felt that he could probably outlast the world. as a matter of fact, we had a scene at one point where it was the towers. the day the towers fell. and you hear bernie saying, "this is how it all ends. everybody dies. and i get away with it." >> jimmy: wow. >> and that's what he thought. and he didn't care whether he didn't or not. it's like in othello, thiago steps to the audience, looks up at the gods, and says, i love doing this! i love it! and i'm going to keep doing it because it's so much [ bleep ] fun! and i don't care what happens, i'm going to bring him down, her
that's thiago, he does it for the doing. he does it for pure evil. and bernie did it for the same reason. >> jimmy: i wonder if he has television in that jail cell. i imagine he'll be able to watch you. >> if he doesn't, someone else does and he can get it from them. >> jimmy: yes, yeah. yeah. it's great to have you here. [ cheers and applause ] "madoff" premieres wednesday a miniseries, it starts wednesday night -- >> two-nighter. the 3rd and 4th of february. and it's so good, it really is so good. and it's not a joke story. it's not -- >> jimmy: not at all, yeah. >> it's desperately serious and people were desperately harmed by this man. including his own family. and when you watch it, remember that the head of abc took it from its original date in december and put it in the
which is the week that everyone pours money into getting you to watch their network. so it was the greatest compliment the show could ever get. >> jimmy: we're lucky to have you here. richard dreyfuss, everybody. "madoff" wednesday night, 8:00, here on abc. be right back with old dominion! >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by
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