tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC October 16, 2015 12:37am-1:37am EDT
have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. thank you! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- zooey deschanel, from "the affair," actor dominic west, star of "nathan for you," comedian nathan fielder, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] glad to hear it. in that case, let's get to the news. cnn's wolf blitzer told democratic presidential hopeful lincoln chafee yesterday that he
silly if he stays in the race. and let's face it, also if he doesn't. [ laughter ] chafee then told blitzer that he'll remain in the race as long as he can continue to raise important issues. and you know he's got a point. i mean, literally, he's got one point. [ laughter ] donald trump is reportedly threatening to pull out of the next gop debate unless cnbc reinstates opening and closing statements. and lincoln chafee is threatening to pull out of the next democratic debate if they're going to be questions. [ laughter ] this week was earth science week. it's the week you have to celebrate if you aren't smart enough for bio or chemistry week. [ laughter ] i got into earth science week. [ applause ]
network is set this week to air "the period song," a song written to explain menstruation to children. though from the lack of specifics i have a feeling the song was written by a man. let's take a look. [ swedish chef muppet singing ] [ laughter ] >> seth: that is not helpful. [ applause ] come on! hyatt announced yesterday they will no longer be offering on-demand porn movies in their hotel rooms. while the porn industry announced that they will still be filming in hyatt hotel rooms. [ laughter ] [ applause ] at the end of the year, german bookstores will begin selling adolf hitler's "mein kampf" for the first time had 70 years with copies featuring 3700 notes about the text. notes like, "yikes, and, "how did we not catch this!" [ laughter ]
donald trump's son said in an interview last night that everything his dad has ever touched has turned to gold. well, not everything. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> seth: he's still waiting. jeb's still waiting to turn to gold. [ laughter ] u.s. airways will make its final flight tomorrow before it becomes a part of american airlines on saturday. wait, i'm sorry, no, it's been delayed until next week. [ laughter ] and now it's cancelled. [ applause ] a swedish sex toy company has come out with a new line of scented vibrators which come in fragrances like wine and chocolate, rose and wisteria, or least popular of all, cool ranch. [ laughter ] and finally, scientists in the u.k. have found that bees are more attracted to sugar if it's laced with caffeine, and some of
attract other bees to the food by wiggling their lower body. they're called twerker bees. [ laughter ] [ applause ] great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] show. "rock the kasbah," zooey deschanel joins us. he is one of the stars of fantastic actor. dominic west stops by tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and this guy is the star of what i think is one of the funniest shows on tv right now, "nathan for you" on comedy central. tonight. [ cheers and applause ] now, before we get to all that. here at "late night," we have a team of loyal researchers, statisticians and pollsters, all of whom worked very hard to bring you a little segment we like to call, "this week in numbers."
nine -- the number of people currently running for speaker of the house. 426 -- the number of people currently running from speaker of the house. [ laughter ] six -- the number of days a man survived in the australian outback by eating only ants. four -- the number of days a man would have survived by eating only at outback steakhouse. [ laughter ] two -- the number of candidates who participated in tuesday's democratic debate. [ laughter ] three -- the number of candidates who "participated" in tuesday's democratic debate. [ applause ] 20 -- the number of dollars a boston man is charging people for a bundle of dried up autumn leaves. [ light laughter ] 10 -- the number of dollars you can pay to get the exact same thing at whole foods. [ laughter ] [ applause ] five -- the number of wins your co-worker's fantasy football team has so far this season. one --
face [ laughter ] 0 -- the number of nude photographs that will now be in "playboy" according to a recent announcement. 100 -- the percentage of young boys who will now have to come of age the same way i did, with a seven page in-depth interview with norman mailer. [ laughter ] [ applause ] one -- the number of dollars a retired aircraft engineer is charging people to board a grounded airplane so they can see the cabin and learn about air safety in what he's calling "flights to nowhere." 249 -- the number of dollars southwest airlines charges for the same thing. [ laughter ] [ applause ] 11:17 a.m. -- the time of day most people are miserable, according to a new study. all of the time -- the time of day this guy is miserable. [ audience aws ] [ laughter ] if it makes you feel better, he's fictional. [ laughter ] three --
the center of the tootsie pop. one -- the number of licks on a stranger's face to get to the center of a prison cell. [ laughter ] 10 -- the number of dollars you paid for this pumpkin top make a halloween jack-o'- lantern. three -- the number of teenagers who vandalized it. [ light laughter ] eight -- the number of blocks you ran to chase the teens down. [ laughter ] one -- the number of heart attacks you have chasing them. [ laughter ] also one -- the number of ghosts who will haunt those teenage dickheads for the rest of their lives. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and finally, 31 -- the date of halloween. 31 -- your age. therefore, 0 -- the number of costumes you should wear. [ laughter ] [ applause ] that was "this week in numbers." we'll be right back with zooey deschanel.
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s more than a card. it' s the gear that gets it done. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody! give it up for the 8g band! how are we doing, 8g band? [ applause ] fred, i'm so happy you're here. >> fred: me too. >> seth: fred and i, we were recently having a conversation. i was saying to fred that i think it's a great time for television, but one of the problems i have is there's so many great shows on tv.
i can't find time to watch all of them. and then fred assured me that he watches every show, every night. [ laughter ] is this -- you're sticking with that, fred? you really want to say right here on television -- >> fred: everything. i love it all. [ light laughter ] so good. >> seth: well then i thought if that's the case, then it's time for "fred armisen's extremely accurate tv recaps." [ cheers and applause ] all right, fred, i'm going to give the title of a show, and based on the fact that you said you watch everything, you can tell me -- you can give me a synopsis of the show, okay? >> fred: srre. >> seth: all right, you can tell me what happened on "cedar cove." >> fred: do you know "cedar cove?" >> seth: i don't know "cedar cove." >> fred: it is so good. [ laughter ] >> seth: so you saw "cedar cove" last night? >> fred: have you seen the pilot? >> seth: i haven't seen any of it. >> fred: it's -- it's incredi -- you have to see it. >> seth: okay. >> fred: you have to see "cedar cove." it's this cove. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. >> fred: right? and the cedar family lives there. and so the dad comes in, knocks on the door, and the kids are
like, "oh, my god, please come in, sit down." [ laughter ] and he's like, "all right, i was going to sit down anyway." and they're like, "oh, all right, we're just saying, it's the pilot thing to say. have a seat and talk to us." and he was like, "that's what i was going to do." and they're like, "why do you have an attitude about just coming in? [ laughter ] like, we're only making conversation, we've known each other our whole lives." and he's like, "i'm not making issue with that. that has nothing to do with me." so he goes to the other room, right? >> seth: so he just leaves that room? >> fred: leaves -- he goes in the other room, he's quiet but he's like, mad for a little while. [ laughter ] hes,'s like, "i'm going back in there." goes back in and he's like, "you know, all i want to do is come back in and be in my own house that i bought." and they're like, "wait a minute. you bought this house?" and he's like, "yes! i bought this -- what do you think? when i say 'my house' what do you think that means?" and they're like, "we had no idea. [ laughter ] we apologize. we love you. you're our dad. by all means, do whatever you want. this is your house." and that was that episode. yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's the whole -- [ cheers and applause ]
fantastic. i will -- the only question i have is why did the dad knock in the beginning? >> fred: because -- [ laughter ] you know. you know what i mean? [ laughter ] >> seth: well, you know, again, i've got to talk to the good people at "tv guide." because they claim the show on the hallmark channel last night, the whole town shows up to see grace and cliff get married "cedar cove" style. >> yeah, that was going on in the interim -- [ laughter ] as a back story. >> seth: a back story. >> you don't -- you never see it. >> seth: that was the b-story. >> that's the b story that you never see. >> seth: oh, you never see? >> no. >> seth: once again, i owe you an apology. you obviously watch these shows. give it up for fred armisen, everybody. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our first guest tonight is a very talented actress who you know from films such as as well as the popular fox series "new girl." you can see her alongside bill murray in the upcoming film theate let's take a look. hotel, get you people squared
away. into down in the dark, even with a humvee and body armor. i'll come back at 1900 hours, pick you up, take you to camp phoenix for tonight's show. >> i'm sorry. body armor? >> that's a good plan. that's great plan. hey, guess what? we're shopping here. my treat. they have great shopping here. these people invented the word bazaar. >> actually, sir, we're in lockdown mode. there has been an assassination attempt on the afghan president. >> what? a lockdown? what? >> private. from now on, let's -- we'll -- we'll keep all of that on a need-to-know basis, okay? >> seth: please welcome back to the show our friend zooey deschanel. [ cheers and applause ]
>> seth: hi there, how are you? >> i'm fantastic! >> seth: you look wonderful and congratulations are in order. you just had a baby in july. >> i did. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. >> seth: congratulations. >> thank you! >> seth: so i don't know anything about this. so it's july, obviously we're on october now. have you reached the point where you can go out? have you and your husband gone out? have you done anything? >> yeah. we did. we went to see def leppard, actually. >> seth: wow. that's a pretty awesome way to be still be like, "look, we have a kid but we can still rock." >> it's true. we did rock. [ laughter ] we went to see def leppard and our seats were so good. there was like a cat walk. >> seth: uh-huh. >> we literally had to most of the time turn around to see the show. that's when you know your seats are good. >> seth: well, i've got a photo. this shows the proximity you were to the leppard. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: that's very, very close. >> i'm not sure which guy that is, but he's in the band. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. and was it fun? did you enjoy it. >> it was amazing. such a good show. they rocked. >> seth: have you been to many
recent years? >> yeah, well, since i play music, i see a lot of rock shows. >> seth: but i've listen to your music -- >> thank you. >> seth: -- and i wouldn't put it in the same category as def leppard. [ laughter ] >> yes. tomato, tomahto. [ laughter ] yeah, sometimes you play festivals where they're like cobbling together a lot of bands. >> seth: gotcha. >> and you end up in a festival, with a -- you know, like a motocross team or something. >> seth: fantastic. >> it's not rock and roll but it is motorcycles going very fast. >> seth: that's pretty fun. and your music still plays in a place like that? >> sometimes. [ laughter ] >> seth: now last time you were here, had you just come back from morocco, or maybe -- >> yeah. >> seth: yeah, where this film was made. how was morocco? did you have a good time? >> an interesting thing in morocco, they have a king and a queen of morocco. and when i got there, there was -- everybody working on the movie was kind of all fluttered, because they said they had been invited to see the king -- to meet the king, in a few weeks.
>> seth: that is exciting. you'd be nervous to meet a king. i would. >> absolutely. and i was kind of waiting to see if i had an invite and, you know, thinking about what i was going to wear. and every time i would go out shopping, i would be like, "is that -- is that a cool thing to, like, meet a king? [ laughter ] and, you know, you go through the markets and, like, you see a gown, and you go, "king-worthy? i don't know." [ light laughter ] so the night came where, you know, the -- everyone was going to meet the king. and my husband and i opted out of it, because it was his birthday, and -- >> seth: that's very nice. >> yeah, and we were kind of tired, but it was disappointing, because we did want to meet the king. and when everyone came back from, it turned out it was the king of moroccan comedy. [ laughter ] not the king of the country. [ laughter ] i'm fairly certain, like, bill murray like waited in line to meet the king of moroccan comedy. >> seth: you met the steve harvey of morocco.
>> yes! so everyone is like, "the king, the king!" and then it's like this guy nobody knows. [ laughter ] >> seth: you mentioned bill murray. so every one of your scenes in this film is with bill murray. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: and what -- you've never worked with him before, no? >> i hadn't worked with him, yeah. >> seth: how -- i mean, i assume it must be -- especially in a comedy, fairly intimidating to work with bill murray. >> incredible intimidating. in fact, i don't think i made a joke the entire time i was with him, because it's kind of like, you know -- if you're like, "hey, serena williams, do you want to see my forehand?" [ laughter ] that's what -- yeah, so every time i thought of a joke, i would be like -- [ laughter ] so i think he thinks i'm a little weird. >> seth: yeah. that might be the case. and kate hudson is in the film, as well. >> yeah. yeah. >> seth: you had worked together before, "almost famous." but i didn't realize you guys went to school together. >> we did. >> seth: you went to crossroads in santa monica. >> we did. >> seth: which is a pretty cool school.
>> seth: like, a lot of -- sort of like some famous parents at this school. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: what age were you -- did you sort of become of aware of like, "oh, there are kids in this school whose parents are actors?" >> funny you should ask me that. [ laughter ] no, i went to -- in kindergarten, we had john ritter as a room parent. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] this wasn't just a high school crossroads. it starts at a really -- >> oh, yeah. it started in kindergarten. i remember, you know, they have those little tiny tables, i mean they're probably like yay high. >> seth: yeah. >> with little tiny chairs. john ritter sat next to me doing construction paper projects. [ laughter ] and i -- my mind was blown, because i think "three's company" was in syndication at that point, and it was on every single day. and it was like, "oh!" >> seth: so how old are you that you're blown away by someone in "three's company?" because it -- [ laughter ] by the size of the table and the chair i'm trying to justify that with the sort of adult content of the show "three's company." >> it all went over my head, i'm sure. >> seth: gotcha.
>> yeah, yeah. but -- >> seth: i guess if you're little, the part of "three's company" you would love would be john ritter. >> jack tripper. yeah, exactly, yeah, because he's all the physical comedy. i think universal, kind of. >> seth: i watched that show. that show was -- i think we're close enough to the same age to know that show was on all of the time. i'm older, so i understood the subtleties of "three's company." [ laughter ] whereas you just enjoyed the physical -- >> they're always listening at the kitchen door. they're like, "what's going on?" >> seth: as a child -- >> jack is getting a vasectomy. i remember being like, "what are they talking about?" [ laughter ] "jack's getting a vasectomy!" that was one episode. >> seth: it does -- if you watch as a kid, it gives you a false sense of how much you can hear when you do this. [ laughter ] >> yes. first of all. and second of all, everyone who listens at the door goes like -- like, low, medium, high. [ laughter ] like, everybody's all, like, stacked up. >> seth: that's right. i forgot about that. and also you know if you're listening at a door it's only a matter of time before somebody opens it in, and you like fall. >> and then you all tumble. yeah, yeah, yeah. and if you're answering the
door, you need to -- instead of going around the sofa, you need to go up over the sofa and probably fall over once before you answer the door. >> seth: speaking of very funny shows, "new girl," back in january. >> yes. >> seth: very exciting. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> seth: and they had to -- they had to write around your pregnancy, yes? >> they did, yeah. yeah. >> seth: did they -- how did they manage? >> well, we shot some episodes while i was pregnant. well, actually, the whole season was while i was pregnant. but they shot some while i was very visibly pregnant. so they just, like, hid it. like, you'll see, every scene i'm like, "hmm," like holding a pillow. [ laughter ] like, she's randomly holding a pillow, or we had a trash can in front of me. yeah. anyway, yeah. so we shot like three episodes. and then jess gets on jury duty and has to be isolated in a hotel room for several episodes. >> seth: so we don't even see you.
[ laughter ] but the lovely and beautiful and talented megan fox will be taking my room while i'm out. >> seth: fantastic. so she's the new girl on "new girl" technically until the original new girl returns. >> exactly. >> seth: there you go. that's fantastic. i can't wait for this. and congratulations on the film. >> thank you. >> seth: and congratulations on the baby. >> thank you! >> seth: zooey deschanel. we'll be right back with more zooey deschanel.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back. october is the month of frights and haunts. >> of creepy spooks. >> seth: of ghosts and cobwebs. >> but normal scary stories don't scare us anymore. >> seth: we're too old. [ laughter ] that's why we bring you -- >> both: "adult scary stories with zooey and seth!" [ cheers and applause ] >> here's a spooky story.
brown hair and bright blue eyes was home alone when she heard a clang, clang, clang. she wondered, "what is this sound?" and there it was again. clang, clang, clang. that horrifying sound meant she would have to do the one thing she'd prayed she'd never have to -- call a plumber! [ laughter ] and that was only the beginning of her nightmare. because after he dicked around with a wrench for four frickin' hours -- [ laughter ] -- he stared at her with cold, dead eyes and said, "the actual cost would be higher than the estimate!" [ thunderclap ] >> seth: noooo! [ applause ] >> pretty scary, huh? >> seth: that one raised the hair on the back of my neck. but brace yourself. this one will make you scream. [ screaming ] >> seth: no, not yet.
>> oh. [ laughter ] >> seth: this story is about a bright young talk show host type. >> young? >> seth: he looks young. [ laughter ] >> does he? >> seth: with makeup. anyway -- [ laughter ] one cold, still evening, he was out with his friends who couldn't stop talking about their favorite new band. a band he had never heard of, but pretended to know in order to impress them. for a moment, he thought he was going to get away with his deep, dark secret. but then, his douchey friend, kevin, asked, "oh, yeah? what's your favorite song of theirs?" [ laughter ] >> oh, my god. what did he say? >> seth: his eyes darted around the room, sweat beaded down his forehead. silence, except for the tick tock of a nearby clock. tick tock, tick tock. [ light laughter ] "i -- i like all of their songs, he said." [ laughter ] and though he had an a swer, everyone in the room knew he was completely full of crap. [ laughter ] >> can i scream now? >> seth: oh, yeah, please. [ screaming ]
[ thunderclap ] [ applause ] >> okay, my turn. one night, a woman known for her quirkiness, but also known for being down to earth, so they sort of balance each other out. >> seth: but more quirky than down to earth. >> that's fair. anyway, she woke to the sound of a blood curdling scream at the stroke of midnight. [ clock tolling ] >> seth: do we have to listen to all twelve? >> no, five is fine. >> seth: okay, good. [ light laughter ] >> the screaming were coming from her baby's room. she opened the door. [ door creaking ] she tiptoed to the side of the crib. tip toe, tip toe, tip toe. she looked inside and she saw the baby was hungry! [ thunderclap ] oh, it doesn't end there. >> seth: it doesn't? >> no. as she picked her up to feed
her. she heard a terrible sound. crack! she threw out her back! [ light laughter ] >> seth: how did she get to sleep? >> oh, she didn't. the next day on set, she was a complete monster! [ menacing laughter ] >> seth: this has been -- >> both: -- "adult scary stories with zooey and seth!" [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: zooey deschanel, everybody! "rock the casbah" opens in theaters october 23rd. we'll be right back with dominic west.
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>> seth: our next guest is a golden globe nominated actor who you know from tv shows like "the wire" and "the hour." he is currently staring in the second season of "the affair" which airs sunday nights on showtime. let's take a look. >> are you trying to get rid of me? >> no. >> are you sure? because i would understand if you were. because this is scary, and perhaps insane. so if you are, you need to tell me. just say it. >> seth: please welcome dominic west. [ cheers and applause ] i'm delighted that you're here. >> well, thanks very much for having me. it's good to be here. >> seth: and it's a big day for you. it's your birthday. >> yes.
>> seth: happy birthday. >> why did i ever mention that? >> seth: why did you mention it? but also, this is very exciting, because you took a helicopter here. filming? >> we were filming. i had to fight ruth again, screaming and shouting each other. [ light laughter ] and then i think i had a fight with the lockhart brothers and then they got me on the helicopter. such was that. they needed me to be on the show. i was delighted. >> seth: i will say, that's almost like a 6-year-old's birthday that you got a helicopter ride. >> it was, yes. absolutely, yeah. maybe a 6-year-old in beverly hills. [ light laughter ] >> seth: right, exactly. not a normal 6-year-old. you're living the life of a rich 6-year-old. congratulations. >> exactly, yeah. >> seth: the show is a fascinating show -- because it is told from different perspectives of the characters. and this year we sort of have added to -- the first season, which is you and ruth's character. now there is four perspectives. how has that changed it for you with the added perspectives? >> well, i thought it would mean less work but it doesn't.
the perspectives -- problem with the perspectives are of my ex-wife and her ex-husband. so their perspectives on me are not great. obviously. [ light laughter ] >> seth: right. >> so i come across as even more of a -- an [ bleep ] as i did before. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, it's true, because the first season -- again, the other -- your perspective of yourself and then someone who was in love with you's perspective. >> now everyone hates me, including myself. >> seth: see, you have to show half the time and then play a dickier version of your character, pretty much. >> exactly, yeah. we do the same scene and then the scene from my point of view, where i'm sort of okay, and then we do it from the divorced wife's point of view where i'm just a total [ bleep ]. >> seth: yeah. >> in fact, my show runner, sarah noticed on twitter the other day said just watch episode 5 again. dominic really has to be commended for really going into total [ bleep ] territory. [ laughter ] this is great. i'm gonna get a name for it. i'm going to be the go-to guy. >> seth: well, maura tierney was
here, one of your co stars. and she was talking about how different people watch the show see it different ways. they sort of adopt one of the perspectives of the character they trust the most but she said one thing across the board, nobody likes your character. [ laughter ] is that true or false? is that true? have you found that? >> that's not true. >> seth: okay, good. >> that's not true. no, no. [ laughter ] >> seth: this is very convincing, dominic. >> i'm pretty big with the over 70s. [ laughter ] yeah, i have got a lot of love in the street. this woman came up the other day and went, we love the show! we call it "the porn show!" [ laughter ] and her husband went "keep it up!" so they seem to like it. they don't care what it does, as long as he keeps -- >> seth: and this is a show that embraces nudity. >> i don't. but it has been known to, yes. yes. mainly from the men, which is quite commendable. it always seems to be me on top. and naked.
reviewer said he wasn't prepared for the sight of my naked bum going up and down. and if you were -- if we were hoping for "poldark," which is this successful show. this romantic show. if we were hoping for "poldark," we got "the hobbit." [ laughter ] >> seth: that's not very nice. i feel like i owe you an apology for something that happened years ago. of i don't know if you'll remember it. i was in edinborough at the fringe festival, i'm in a bar, i think it was the first year of "the wire," which is a show i just adore. and i see you and some of your other cast members and i come over and i basically -- i was the insane fan. i walked over and just started talking about how much i liked "the wire" and you were very polite to me for a while and i remember you saying -- so we're going to get drinks. [ laughter ] and i remember i was like -- and so now years later i really remember when people -- when fans talk to me and go on a little bit. i always remember, you did this too, you son of a bitch. >> oh, god -- how nice of you to come over. thanks so much. i remember it really well, actually.
it was fascinating. your angle on season three was amazing. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's what i found. i feel like people like you telling them about things you were in. this happened and then this happened. >> i like that. what i normally get is, who are you? what have you done? >> seth: so that's the worst, when they make you do the work. >> yeah, and you list, you know -- and the other day a guy said, "do you work in the airport?" [ laughter ] so if someone knows who the hell i am, i'm just delighted. thanks. >> seth: we had idris here, he was recently here, and he was talking about -- idria elba. when he auditioned for the show, he didn't tell anyone that he was british. whole time in order to get the did you have to do the same did you hide it or did you walk in the first day? >> no, i couldn't -- he's a proper actor. i couldn't quite manage it. i tried to do the sort of -- you know, tried to walk around time and i realized i just wasn't speaking to anyone.
mouth. and idris i noticed was avoiding me for the first, you know, few weeks or so. and eventually went -- go away, man, i can't do it, i can't speak an english accent around here and keep it going. so -- he was -- yeah, he pulled it off pretty well. >> seth: you did a great job too. and people thought you were doing a baltimore accent. >> they did, yeah. which is a crazy accent. >> seth: crazy. >> you going to see the orioles? >> seth: you can't believe it's real. >> you can't believe it's real. and people go a good baltimore accent. and i was like, [ bleep ], it must be -- osmosis or something coming into me. >> seth: so i know you from "the wire" first and foremost. how many people remember you were in the film "the spice girls?" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> what a movie, eh? that was my high point. >> seth: what a movie, yeah. and you were in "spice girls 1" before the sequels. >> yeah. well, there wasn't one. no. they ought to do one, "spice world 2."
>> seth: so what was it like meeting the spice girls? >> it was a disaster. i did it because i wanted to meet them. [ light laughter ] cause, i don't know why. i was only 12 and female at the time. [ laughter ] but i -- but i had been on this quite heavy weekend in ibiza, to a wedding and i think it was a four-day occasion, and i was in there the next day and being the professional i am, i passed out on the sofa and i woke up in the middle of a script meeting surrounded by all the spice girls going who is this >> seth: i think waking up surrounded by the spice girls might be the most terrifying thing that could ever happen. >> yes, a dream gone wrong, yeah. >> seth: well, if they do make a sequel, i'm sure you'll be their first call. i really think so. >> me and meatloaf. [ laughter ] great. >> seth: exactly. thank you so much for being here. such a fan. dominic west everybody. new episodes of "the affair" airs sunday night on showtime. we'll be right back with nathan fielder.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest is a very funny comedian who stars in the hilarious show "nathan for you," which back for its third season on comedy central. please welcome to the show, nathan fielder. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i'm so happy you're here. >> thank you so much for having me. this is very exciting for me. [ laughter ] >> seth: great. >> i have something for you, just as a thank you for having me gift. >> seth: okay? >> yeah, you can open it. or you can save it for -- yeah, open it. >> seth: okay, are you sure? >> yeah, that's nice to do,
right, when the person is there? [ laughter ] >> seth: it's $40. >> yeah. i mean, this has really helped promote the show so i just wanted to give you something to show that, like, you know, how thankful i am for being -- for you having me. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, thank you. that's very thoughtful. >> you can spend is on anything you want to. [ laughter ] >> seth: thank you. for the uninitiated, explain the premise of the show, "nathan for you." >> "nathan for you," i go to real small businesses and i give them out-of- the-box or innovative ways they can better market themselves or improve their business. >> seth: so, for example, you go to a woman's boutique this year. >> yes. >> seth: now what is the business plan you present? >> so next week's episode, i go to a woman's boutique, and there's a lot of couples in this neighborhood, so you know how women will come with their boyfriends or husbands. but they feel a psychological pressure to leave because the husband is just sitting there.
>> seth: and they hate being there. >> yeah. so, i create a man zone in the back of the women's clothing store so the men have a place to, you know chill while the women shop. >> seth: i think we have a clip. >> oh, yeah, great. >> seth: so let's take a look at this. >> just so you know, elizabeth albert has a dedicated man zone. so that means while the lady shops, you have a place you can hang out that is both comfortable and geared toward your masculine needs. [ laughter ] so if you want to come hang out there and give her time to shop, it's up to you. don't leave this bro hanging, dog. [ laughter ] you know what i mean? >> yeah. >> great. and we'll be hanging fun in there, so take as much time as you need. >> all right, thank you. >> no problem. >> i knew it wouldn't be too much of a challenge to lure guys into the zone and once they saw it had everything a guy could want, i was hopeful they wouldn't want to leave. free at last, free at last, huh? [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> seth: and it work pretty well? >> yeah, i mean, it was a
try to keep the guys comfortable in there, and we had royalty-free football on the screens. >> seth: so by royalty-free football -- >> we can't show nfl, 'cause it's a show. so it was clips from the houston gamblers -- >> seth: like old usfl teams and stuff? >> and the arizona gun-slingers. yeah, which, you know, whatever was available on getty. [ light laughter ] >> seth: okay. so -- [ laughter ] we met for the first time at the emmy's two years ago. i was hosting the emmy's. >> yeah. >> seth: we were at an emmy party together, and i came over because i'm such a huge fan of the show to say hello. >> yeah, you were really nice. you came up to me and i felt really embarrassed after because i forgot you were hosting the emmy's. >> seth: that's fine. that's okay. >> and you were talking to me, but the whole time you were giving me kind of these weird looks, like you were like, you know. like you wanted me to say, oh congratulations. [ laughter ] and i didn't know at the time. like you wanted a compliment. [ laughter ]
no i understand. cause it's a big thing, to host the emmy's. that's exciting. but you wanted a compliment from me and i didn't give it to you. and afterwards i felt bad. oh that's why he kept pausing and kind of going like this -- [ laughter ] during the conversation. >> seth: i never did that. it's okay, but i just feel bad about it. and i just wanna say sorry. congratulations on that. no that's really exciting. >> seth: that's too late. >> well, i mean. seth -- >> seth: i still don't think i did that. >> you don't think you -- >> seth: i don't think i did this. >> it's okay, seth. it's part of your personality. i mean, you're a different way on your show than you are at these private parties. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's true. [ applause ] >> you have an image. >> seth: yeah, this isn't the real thing. so you -- you -- you're still editing season three but you finished shooting. >> yeah, finished shooting. >> seth: so you'll have some time off. will you be taking a vacation? >> well, my dream is to go to italy. i've never been there. have you been? >> seth: that's wonderful.
it's great, it's great. >> i have this, like, fantasy a little bit about, like, going to italy, and i just this dream ideal of like what would happen. can i talk to you about it here? or do you want to do this -- [ laughter ] we could do it after the show too. >> seth: no, i would love to. >> so i picture like i would go there and then i want to get into the country, you know. so i leave the city and i take a car there, and then i'm in this rural area, and then my gps stops working, so i kind of get lost, and, you know, i get out of the car, and then a really old italian woman comes out of her hut -- [ laughter ] or farm hut and comes up to me and goes, oh, you look lost. please, come inside and let me cook for you for the next week. >> seth: oh. okay. [ laughter ] >> so then she invites me inside and makes me these delicious pastas with great sauces. >> seth: uh-huh. >> and all these great italian
dishes. and then we start talking about life, and she gives me advice, and we start bonding about, like, all the things, you know. and there's just this shared experience, like the food and the energy is so good. and we look at each other and we kind of just have this feeling like oh, i wish we were both the same age, you know. >> seth: oh, i see. [ laughter ] because the age is the issue here. >> we could be intimate and have [ laughter ] because -- but because you can't, you know, at that age -- when she is -- not that she's not a beautiful woman. [ laughter ] but you're just not -- you're not like sexually attracted to -- when someone gets that old. because -- [ laughter ] >> seth: so, she's very old. she's 90, okay. >> you wouldn't want to have intercourse because also she's frail, you know. >> seth: sure. [ laughter ] there's that pressure, obviously. >> it's not like i'm rough in the bedroom. [ laughter ] even -- when i do it, i mainly
then sometimes i'll, you know -- would turn the woman around and then -- you do from -- you know, from the back? [ laughter ] so it's pretty -- gentle -- >> seth: i've got that part down. >> women like it, but it's -- but it's still not rough where, you know, i would worry about -- like i wouldn't damage her, but just -- when you have bones that -- [ laughter ] >> seth: old bones. >> you know, i wouldn't want to do that, you know. but we wish. >> seth: okay. we wish. >> we wish we were the same age and we have that kind of shared connection. and it's just a great week, a great experience. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> and then my gps starts working again. [ laughter ] and i leave. >> seth: so that's it. >> and i leave changed. >> seth: oh, wow. so that's your dream vacation. >> that would be great. >> seth: i will say, there are a lot of sort of online tour companies now that can pretty much give you whatever you want, i'm sure. >> really? >> seth: i'm sure if you contact them, they can line that up.
>> i would love that. i didn't picture that could really happen. that would be what i wish. but i might end up just driving around the countryside. >> seth: with fingers crossed. >> and pretending my gps isn't working and hope something like that would happen. >> seth: that sounds like a heck of a vacation. i really hope that comes true for you one of these days. >> thank you. >> seth: i cannot say enough what a fan i am of the show and of the viewers, and i am so happy you're here. and give it up, everybody, for nathan fielder. [ cheers and applause ] "nathan for you" airs thursday nights on comedy central.
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