tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC April 15, 2016 12:37am-1:37am EDT
[ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- governor john kasich, actor and author, david duchovny, from "hard lovin' woman," actress juliette lewis, comedian, michelle wolf, featuring the 8g band with fab moretti. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. very, very good to hear. let's get to the news. hillary clinton and bernie sanders debated in
which means hillary began swiping her metro card some time this morning. [ laughter ] during their family town hall event on cnn last night, ted cruz's wife revealed that their daughters want taylor swift to be their first guest to visit the white house. aw, that's so cute. they think he has a chance. [ laughter ] during last night's town hall, ted cruz talked about how his daughters often play a game with him, called attack the daddy. said his daughter's, "it's not a game." [ laughter ] over 27,000 people attended bernie sanders rally in washington square park last night. which is especially crazy, since bernie only went to the park to play chess. [ laughter ] bernie sanders is visiting rome tomorrow. he'll be flying middle class. [ laughter ] "we have to share the armrests equally!
it's everyone's armrest." donald trump and fox news anchor megyn kelly reportedly had a secret meeting yesterday in trump tower, leading to speculation that they may have settled their feud. and, i think that's true because it looks like they even did each other's hair. [ laughter ] benedict cumberbatch has been tapped to play the grinch in a new animated remake of "how the grinch stole christmas." which makes sense because benedict cumberbatch was named by dr. seuss. [ laughter ] and all the cumbers and all their batches, with their cumber snitches and their cumber snatches. [ laughter ] a new poll has named wegmans as america's favorite grocery store, as opposed to chris christie's choice of whatever's the closest. [ light laughter ] we have our fun. the denver nuggets have introduced a new feature at
cam, where parents are encouraged to hold their children in the air when shown on the jumbotron. it's significantly better than their last lion king cam, where you watch your dad die at the beginning. [ laughter ] a new study suggests that consuming vegetable oils might actually be worse for a person's health than eating butter. replied americans, "we're gonna do both, just to be safe." [ light laughter ] and finally, new research suggests that if an overweight person is able to maintain an initial weight loss for one year, the body will eventually accept the new weight and stop fighting against it. well, the body may stop but the head never gives up. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he is the governor of ohio. he's a candidate for the republican nomination for the president of the united states. john kasich is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] a lot of changes since the last time he was here, so i can't
also, he just wrote a new novel. it is called "bucky [ bleep ] dent." actor, writer, director, david [ bleep ] duchovny. [ cheers and applause ] she is the subject of the new documentary, "hard lovin' woman" juliette lewis is joining us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and, we will have stand-up comedy, from a personal favorite of mine, michelle wolf is with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] it's a great show. you're here on a good night. before we get to all of that, the justice department announced this week, that goldman sachs will pay a $5 billion fine for misleading investors in the run up to the financial crisis. but no executives will go to jail and the punishment is actually a lot less stiff than it seems. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." [ applause ] >> seth: so as you may know, when large financial institutions are accused of breaking the law, they're often able to absolve themselves just by paying a fine. >> jp morgan is paying $410 million to settle charges
but jp morgan is not admitting any wrongdoing. >> bank of america will pay nearly $17 billion to settle charges it had mislead investors over mortgage securities it sold in the run up to the financial crisis. >> ubs has agreed to pay about $50 million under the terms of the settlement, ubs did not admit any wrongdoing. >> seth: they paid $50 million, but admitted no wrongdoing. that's like sending your wife two dozen roses with a note saying, "i didn't do anything wrong. [ laughter ] i'm sorry if you felt i did something wrong. but i didn't do anything wrong." the justice department got a lot of heat for this approach. so, in september of last year, they finally put their foot down. >> after years of investigations on wall street and no real prosecution, things are changing at the justice department. in a policy shift, doj will be prioritizing the prosecution of individual corporate executives for wrongdoing, instead of just extracting large fines from firms. >> big fines have not deterred
comprehensive way, from behaving very differently. but what does happen is, when individuals go to jail, it definitely creates a certain deterrent effect. >> seth: wait, the justice department just figured out that going to jail is a deterrent? [ light laughter ] did they think they could get them to change their ways with a dirty look, a la the dowager countess? [ laughter ] still this is good. the justice department is gonna get tough on banks. let's see this new policy in action. >> the justice department says goldman sachs has agreed to pay just over $5 billion to settle claims it mislead mortgage bond investors heading into the 2008 financial crisis. >> seth: now $5 billion, that may sound like a lot, but it's nothing for goldman sachs. the company generated $39 billion in revenue, last year alone. in fact in the lobby of goldman sachs, they have a take a billion, leave a billion tray. [ laughter ] so the fine probably won't hurt goldman, but at least someone's going to jail, right? >> goldman made false and
its mortgage backed securities. false and misleading? that's fraud. who commits fraud? crooks. is anyone at goldman sachs going to jail for this? no! >> seth: why does this keep happening? do you know how easy it is to arrest someone in this country? you can get arrested for anything. like, for example, this. >> in north carolina man has been arrested. police say he failed to return a vhs tape 14 years ago. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, sure. sure, they closed the vhs cold case, but the furby strangler remains on the loose. [ laughter ] so a guy in north carolina was arrested for not returning a vhs tape. but that actually isn't the dumbest part of the story. the dumbest part is the movie he was arrested for not returning. >> a man pulled over in a routine traffic stop, found himself behind bars over a long overdue copy of the tom green comedy, "freddy got fingered." [ laughter ] >> seth: "freddy got fingered?" quick tip for that dude, if your cell mate asks what movie it
[ laughter ] uh, "the english patient." [ applause ] it was, "the english patient." so, the number of people arrested for neglecting to return tom green movies exceeds the number of wall street executives arrested for the financial crisis. but at least there's that $5 billion fine. sure it might only take goldman a few weeks to generate that much revenue, but at least there's no wiggling out of it, right? >> when all is said and done, goldman sachs will actually pay less than that $5 billion. >> even though it's $5 billion, they're saying that, when you look at the fine print, goldman sachs is actually going to get a tax deduction. >> seth: so goldman sachs can get a tax deduction on a government fine, but i can't get one on alcohol even though i drink all day at my job. [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] so this is really a slap on the wrist.
price took a hit when the news was announced, right? >> at the close of the session, bernie, goldman sachs' stock was actually up more than 1%. >> seth: uh! so let me get this straight. goldman gets fined, a few weeks worth of revenue, that total turns out to be lower because of tax deductions. and at the end of the day, their stock price goes up. at this point, i wouldn't be surprised if these were the cops the feds sent to arrest them. [ light laughter ] so the banks haven't really been punished for their role in the crisis. and on top of that, their allies in congress are still trying to roll back new rules passed after the crash. like in a senate hearing earlier this month, when republicans called a witness who critics say failed to regulate toxic mortgages as an official at the federal reserve to testify about why the new financial rules should be rolled back. and when he tried to claim there were no warning signs before the 2008 crisis, massachusetts senator, elizabeth warren let him have it. >> given your track record at the fed, why should anyone take you seriously now? >> there was simply no data
statistic -- let me finish please, senator. on the statistical basis that suggested that there was a meltdown in the mortgage market in 2005 and 2006. >> i'm sorry. are you saying there were no data in the lead up to the financial crash that showed the increasing default rates on subprime mortgages, and what they were doing to communities across america? did you have your eyes stitched closed? >> there was -- [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: jokes on you, senator, i didn't need to stitch my eyes closed because my head was up my ass. [ laughter ] at the end of the day, if we keep letting banks off the hook for dangerous practices, we're asking for another financial crisis. something needs to be done to hold wall street executives accountable. either that, or we're gonna have to try to trick them into renting "freddy got fingered" on vhs. [ laughter ] this has been "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with governor john kasich.
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people slide down it. ok, smile. in fact, there's so much water out there, why in the world would you get a phone that can't get wet? ok, try again. the new water-resistant galaxy s7 edge. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. please, give it up for the 8g band right over there. best band in late night. [ cheers and applause ] also all week long, we've had
band. from the strokes, fab moretti, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] this summer, very exciting, be sure to check out the strokes when they headline the governor's ball festival on randall's island here in new york city. thanks for an incredible week, fab, come back anytime. >> thank you so much, seth. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our first guest tonight is the governor of ohio. he is currently seeking the republican nomination for president. please welcome back to the show, governor john kasich. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how are you? >> i heard them playing "suffragette city." that great, great david bowie song. that was great. you're gonna play at my inaugural. [ light laughter ] >> seth: there you go. >> you play that. >> seth: well, that would be a tuesday, we have a show. >> okay, never mind. [ light laughter ] >> seth: sorry. so, i have to say, you look upbeat. you look spry. you're moving around. and i'm surprised because i saw you were eating -- you were in
like an eating tour here. [ light laughter ] and i gotta be honest, usually when you see a photo of a person eating this much food, it looks like they're eating their feelings because they're in a really bad place. but you seem very happy. >> yeah, it was great. >> seth: all right. now this is -- wait, where were you here? you were at mike's deli? is that where you were? >> yeah, yeah. it was great. >> seth: two plates of spaghetti. the yankee stadium big boy sandwich. ham mortadella, salami, mozzarella, lettuce, peppers. the jk special that's -- >> i didn't eat all of that. >> seth: you didn't eat all of it? >> yeah. >> seth: okay, good. 'cause that's -- i was gonna -- >> what about the pasta e fagioli? you didn't mention that. >> seth: well, you did. so now we've got it covered. >> yeah. [ light laughter ] you heard about the pizza, right? >> seth: what happened with the pizza? >> god, i -- you know, it was so hot. >> seth: uh- huh. >> and i made a terrible mistake. >> seth: oh, no. >> i picked up a fork. >> seth: come on, man. >> i know. >> seth: what's wrong with you politicians that you don't know how to eat pizza? >> well, it was so hot. so you know what? >> seth: you wait a second. [ light laughter ] >> i have -- oh, no. >> seth: you had -- eat your pasta. >> listen. no, no, wait a minute. >> seth: you had spaghetti. >> no, no, no. seth, when i was in college, i had 15 roommates. >> seth: okay. >> you think we waited for the pizza to cool? >> seth: got it.
left. >> seth: that's true. >> okay. >> seth: that's true. it must have been a nice dorm room. there were all 15 of you. [ light laughter ] >> exactly. >> seth: so, this is very exciting, 'cause last time you were here, it was early on, you were polling 11th, 12th place. you were tied. this is not -- i'm just, i'm talking about how far you've come. >> yeah. >> seth: you were running even with people who had no opinions. it was kasich tied with no opinion. and now you are in third. >> yep. >> seth: now, there's a caveat, there's only three of you. >> yeah. [ light laughter ] but i'm still standing. >> seth: you're still standing. >> but you know, it gets like this. there's coke, there's pepsi and there's kasich. >> seth: uh-huh. >> okay? because nobody's heard of me, right? so now it's sort of coke, pepsi, and kasich, i think. and then people just have to make up their mind if they want to put me in their cart. >> seth: gotcha. >> okay. and that's where we are. but for the first time in six weeks, i'm getting attention. you know why? because i wouldn't take the low road to the highest office in land. i wouldn't call names. >> seth: well, we talked about this last time you were here and i commended you. at the debates, you were one of the people who sort of wasn't
wasn't calling people names and stuff. you made a speech here in new york about the two paths that the republican voter has. one is sort of hopeful and optimistic, that is your path. you did not name donald trump or ted cruz by name, but it's clear you think they are the other paths. >> well they are. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. [ light laughter ] >> seth: now with that said -- >> yeah. >> seth: see i did it for you. i said it and you still haven't said their names. >> well -- [ light laughter ] >> seth: now -- but i want to ask this question. obviously, you have seen the results in all these states. you've won ohio, your state. that's the only one. why do you think the republican base has been so drawn to this other path that is not the hopeful, optimistic path you offer? >> well, but look, here's the interesting thing. and two polls came out right before i walked out here. i am the only one that consistently beats hillary clinton in the fall. and even in the electoral college, there was an analysis done with that and hillary beats both trump and cruz. and i beat hillary decisively. so i think part is because i wasn't very well known. i think that's changing. but i think other part of it is
have problems. we have problems with income and security. we're worried about our jobs and we're really worried about our kids getting an education and still living with us, right? still living at home. i understand that, but i know how to fix it. because i did it in washington. you know, we balanced the budget. here's what people need to know. when the debt goes up, the job opportunities go down. and when the debt goes down, the job opportunities go up. that's why i fought to balance the budget in ohio. we've turned it around. so seth, here is the thing, i believe that people believe that when a politicians lips are moving, they're lying. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> and the only defense i have on that is to be able to tell them what i have done. and it makes the possibility of what i might do something that's believable. that's why i talk about it. now, they got high negatives. so they can win a primary, but they are going to get slaughtered in the general election. >> seth: now -- and i have seen the polls, too. and i -- you know, so i believe it when you say you have the better chance in a general. why don't the voters seem to care about that? because that has been the case.
candidates, the one that polls the best in the national election, yet they are still not turning out for you in the primaries. why don't they care more about electability? >> again, i don't think they've heard me enough. and when people do, who particularly with the blue collars, the independents, then i think that's why, you know, why i fair so well in the fall election. i think we're gonna do fairy well in new york. we're going to get delegates. we're going to get delegates in pennsylvania, connecticut, all these places. and we're going to have a convention that's going to be wide open. 'cause nobody is going to have enough delegates. so we're gonna go there. and it's there that you present your case. and it'll be two things i'll present. one, i can win in the fall, 'cause they think that's what matters. we don't just pick someone to win a primary. and secondly, who could actually be president? that's like an important thing, too. >> seth: yeah. >> and i think delegates will pay attention to that. >> seth: now, i want to talk about this convention. [ cheers and applause ] because we might have one for the history books, this convention in your home state of cleveland -- of ohio.
>> it happens to be there. >> seth: yeah. good luck for you. so now, are you -- isn't this going to be like a ufc fight if you go to a convention? because you're -- i mean, you currently have fewer delegates than rubio. >> yeah. >> seth: so now you're going to have to -- >> but we have a ways to go. so we'll see where we go into the convention. we'll have momentum before delegates. >> seth: you're way -- i'm just saying, i think you are right, that maybe people don't know as much about you but the clock is running obviously. >> right. >> seth: so you're gonna show up there, probably with the third most delegates. >> maybe not. maybe. >> seth: okay. not the most. >> yeah. >> seth: right? >> no, that's right. >> seth: okay. so aren't, to some degree, isn't that invalidating the votes of the people who've shown up at all these primaries beforehand? >> well look, you have to get to a certain number. it's sort of like when you were in school, if you made an 83 on your math test and nobody got an 83, everybody was below you, you didn't get an "a." "a" is 90. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> and the convention -- >> seth: i never got an 83, just so you know. [ light laughter ]
more than an extension of the political process. look, i went to a convention, a contested one in 1976. i was just a kid there with reagan and ford. here is the situation. when somebody becomes a delegate, all of a sudden they begin to realize, wait a minute, you mean i might be picking the next president of the united states? >> seth: mm-hmm. >> and by the way, we ought to be able to win we want the white house, the supreme court, we want the state house, we want the courthouse. and all the sudden people start to look at who can actually do this. now you asked me a question about why is it now that in the primaries i haven't done better. well, i tell you what. people are angry and they are frustrated. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> and so, these candidates are feeding on that anger and that frustration and driving people into the ditch. >> seth: yes. >> for me, my idea is we need to lift people and let them know these are serious problems, but they can absolutely be fixed. and i've fixed them before. i think as time goes on -- look, people are waking up.
they're beginning to now examine me closely. and the places where people have known me the best, the places i've done the best. so, you know. >> seth: here is the thing i'll say -- >> and you know, in old new hampshire i did pretty well. >> seth: you did very well. >> i did well. yeah. >> seth: you have to be careful at the convention because i think that convention is gonna be a crazy place to be. especially if there is this sort of -- someone like you shows up. >> but look, i have to go and see the delegates, okay? i am a blue collar guy. i'm like a person that is frustrated about things in life. i mean, my father carried mail on his back. his father was a coal miner. my mother's mother -- >> seth: was he a mailman? >> couldn't speak english -- yeah. >> seth: 'cause it's illegal if you take someone else's mail. >> yeah. he did. [ light laughter ] >> seth: okay. >> he did. he did. that's a good point. >> seth: yeah. >> i never asked him if he actually did that. >> seth: 'cause if he even worked there, that's a problem. yeah. that's a felony. [ light laughter ] >> but the point is, i believe that the trump voters -- well, they do -- they do like me. it's just they went for the bomb bats. over time, that's going to change. you know, a lot of times we get frustrated in life and we want to knock all the pieces off the chess board. but over time people realize, you know, i'd actually like to get this stuff fixed.
commit and make the case. 'cause i've done it. >> seth: well, it's gonna be a fascinating few months. i wish you the best of luck. thanks so much for coming. >> can we do it again? >> seth: hey, look, if you wanna come back, we'd love it. thank you so much. >> thank you. all right, seth. thank you. >> seth: governor john kasich, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with david duchovny. [ cheers and applause ] turns out lemon juice doesn' t cure pink eye. hi. how are you doing today? that' s how i am. red head fred. ultra rare. i collect these too. nah, these are for my dog because he can never decide which one he wants until he gets home, so... american express presents the blue cash everyday card with no annual fee. cash back on purchases. my only concern is that this is where we put food. a dog' s foot is cleaner than a human' s mouth. that' s what they say. is it? cleaner than my mouth.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back everybody. our next guest is a golden globe winning actor you know from his work on "the x-files" and "californication." you can see him starring in the second season of "aquarius" this june right here on nbc. he's also written his second novel, entitled "bucky [ bleep ] dent," which is in stores now. please welcome back to the show, david duchovny. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how are you? >> i'm good, thank you. thank you. >> seth: so i feel like some people might not know this, because of course in new york they just call him bucky dent. >> yes. yes. >> seth: and in new england, growing up in new england i knew it was always, only -- >> just bucky [ bleep ] dent. >> seth: just bucky [ bleep ] dent.
is it's not like one out of two people call him bucky [ bleep ] dent or eight out of ten. >> seth: yeah. >> it's ten out of ten people call him bucky [ bleep ] dent and grandmothers who are god fearing, church going, they'll come out of church and reference bucky [ bleep ] dent. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] and this is of course because of a famous soul crushing, for red sox fans, home run -- >> in 1978. >> seth: 1978. >> and bucky then, for those who don't know, was a very light hitting shortstop. he'd hit three home runs all year. and he hit this, basically a pop fly that cleared the green monster in fenway park. and there after -- [ light applause ] well. [ laughter ] >> seth: you know, they might just have heard of fenway park. you don't know. >> and then there after he's bucky [ bleep ] dent all over new england and in new york as you said too. >> seth: and so this is sort of the backdrop of your book is about the 1978 pennant race. >> yes. >> seth: but it's really a father/son story. >> it is. and i use the phrase bucky [ bleep ] dent thematically in the book. no. and it is, it makes you happy just to say it. i encourage you.
[ laughter ] can you all say it at once? >> seth: yeah, let's do it. >> all: bucky [ bleep ] dent. >> see? look how close. >> seth: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> we're gonna heal america. >> seth: we are gonna bring it together. [ laughter ] >> we're gonna heal america. >> seth: governor kasich tried but i think that really -- >> this is my -- >> seth: yeah. >> this is my platform. this is my [ bleep ] platform. [ laughter ] so -- bucky dent, it's like one of the characters says toward the end of the book. it's never mickey mantle that kills you, it's never babe ruth, it's never willie mays, never the guy you prepare for. it's always the head cold that kills you. >> seth: right. >> it's bucky [ bleep ] dent. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> and it becomes like a eulogy for the losers in life and the underdogs in a way and that's kind of the under pinning of the whole book. >> seth: now not just the title, but the book in general has nice, vulgar language to it that i feel like is very accurate to new england. was it fun to write that way? >> oh, yeah. >> seth: yeah.
[ laughter ] >> you're not governed by the -- by the sensors and you can kind of let loose with the full flower of the english language. >> seth: yeah. >> which much of the beauty of the english language is in curse words, the words that you're not allowed to say on television. and, you know, when you're writing a novel you get to -- you get to say it but you don't get to put it on the cover unfortunately. >> seth: yeah. they -- but they asterisked you up right there. that's a real -- >> but what i find interesting, i find it very hopeful because it means that words still have the power to make people afraid. >> seth: yeah, there you go. and now you actually started writing to make yourself -- or no, you started acting to make yourself a better writer, yeah? >> yes i did. that's insane. >> seth: yeah, it is insane. >> yeah. >> seth: how did that -- >> i wanted to write plays, because i started out writing poetry and that was ridiculous. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> and then i thought -- >> seth: just cause you thought that's where the money was? >> yeah, exactly. [ laughter ] >> seth: this poem's going to make me a new boat. >> can it get me -- >> seth: this boat poem. >> gonna get me some of that john donne money now.
and then it was fiction. and i was 22 and i just didn't want to sit in a room alone. and then i thought, well how do i write and not sit in a room alone? i could, in a collaborative way i can write a play or screenplay or something and then at least i'll be out with people and we'll be making a play. >> seth: yeah. and then there you go. >> and then i thought, well to learn something about writing a play, i should probably learn what it means to speak somebody else's words. >> seth: so that's how the acting started. >> ass backwards. >> seth: i want to ask you about, it's one of my favorite rules you ever played which was yourself on "the larry sanders show." so garry shandling, very sad. >> a role i was born to play. >> seth: born to play, yes. [ laughter ] so garry shandling tragically passed away and you were friends in real life. >> very great friends. you know, a lifelong confidant, advisor, friend, generous, an extremely generous person of his spirit, of his talent, of his humor. just a one of a kind, generous soul.
will go back and revisit "the larry sanders show" because it is a brilliant show that inspired so much of the comedy that's happened -- >> that's true. >> seth: in the decades since. but, so this is a bit of a spoiler for those people who are revisiting. but you played yourself as someone who, you almost, you and larry almost fell in love with each other, would you say that? >> well -- >> seth: how did you pitch the famous scene? because here -- well here's a photo. and then i'll -- i'll let you describe sort of what happened. there you are in a robe. and he comes to you asking you to be a guest on the show. yes? >> yeah. it's kind of cliche now, the man crush is kind of a cliche , but i have to say that when we were doing it it wasn't yet a cliche and i had pitched to garry, because we had become friends after i did the show one time. i said i'd like to come on and have a crush on you but it's not a homosexual crush. somehow it's heterosexual but it's sexual but it's not gay -- [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> you know, and he was saying, "yeah." [ laughter ] and he said, "you realize that you're playing david duchovny,
that this is you." and i said, "yeah but i'm not, i'm playing david duchovny and that's all we can control." >> seth: right. >> you know it's like, and that's the fun of it. and this is kind of gonna sound stupid in showbiz. but we flew down from vancouver to the golden globes. >> seth: oh, the golden globes. >> so we're in the hotel after the globes, having a drink, and garry came over and i was in a robe, much like that, at the four -- i think the four seasons. [ laughter ] and he came over because, you know, you want to get out of that tuxedo -- >> seth: sure. >> right. and you know, you wanna just take a shower. and i was sitting there. and i said "hey, when we do this crush thing, when i have these feelings for you, i should sharon stone you. i should like" -- [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. [ applause ] >> so -- >> seth: and you fully did. >> yeah, i don't, you know i don't think you can see anything. i'm pretty -- >> seth: i've watched it a bunch. [ laughter ] you could definitely see a little bit of something. >> really? >> seth: yeah. but it's -- >> more power to me.
>> seth: yeah, well done. you don't even need an extra light. you don't even need an extra key light. well thank you so much for being here. congrats on the book. always a pleasure. >> thank you. >> seth: david duchovny everybody. [ cheers and applause ] "bucky [ bleep ] dent," is in stores now. we'll be right back with juliette lewis. [ cheers and applause ] (boy) ma, pa - why do we settle for cable? (mom) because we're settlers and that's what we do. (girl) but with directv and at&t, you can get your tv and wireless service from one provider. (dad) are not we your providers? do we not provide you with this succulent jackrabbit pie? this delicious graywater soup? and a single lick of the family lolli every harvest moon? (vo) don't be a settler, get a $100 reward card when you switch to directv. i don't think that's how they're made. klondike hooks up with tasty
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our next guest is an oscar, golden globe, and emmy-nominated actress you know from classic films like "cape fear" and "natural born killers." her music career is the subject of the new documentary, "hard lovin' woman," which premieres friday at the tribeca film festival and is available on red bull tv
let's take a look. >> for those who don't know, i always was gonna make music. i was always a musician, but then, started acting first. >> i've seen her movies. and i think she's one of the greatest actors of our generation. but i'd watch her on stage and i'm like, "wow. it kind of seems like she should say, [ bleep ] that other stuff, and just do this." >> seth: please welcome to the show, juliette lewis. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how are you? >> i'm good. >> seth: this -- i enjoyed watching this so much because we all know you as an actress, we've been familiar with your work for so long. and i knew you had a band, which
>> right? >> seth: watching this, i did not -- 'cause i'd never seen you live, you really go all out on stage. >> yes. >> seth: when you first started your band, were people surprised that knew you only as an actress, but you were also this front lady of a rocking band? >> yeah, it was funny because, you know, anything i do creatively, i mean it, you know? >> seth: mm-hmm. >> so, i wanna do it full on, and i strive for honesty and to be challenged. and so, when i went out, i started playing festivals, like warped tour, and we were such the underdog. you have to prove yourself. >> seth: sure. >> you know, will people show up? and so, at some of the festivals, i always likened myself to be, like, the bearded lady. >> seth: uh-huh. >> 'cause it was, like, an actor doing rock 'n roll, but then, also, a female doing very muscular, very full-on, mostly male dominated rock music. so we were kind of the oddity, and i like that. >> seth: that's great. >> yeah. >> seth: now, i notice you are wearing the shirt because this is a great thing as well. so, that is your mug shot when
wearing right now? >> yeah, i'm having, like, a rapper moment. >> seth: uh-huh. >> i think -- do rappers -- i'm just generalizing. do they wear themselves on themselves? >> seth: yeah, i think probably some do, sure. >> well, maybe they don't. i do. >> seth: so, what did you get arrested for when you were 15? [ applause ] [ applause ] >> could you imagine? like, i'm repping my youthful rebellion on a t-shirt that now fronts -- that helps give us, you know, support our tour. >> seth: yeah. >> my rock 'n roll dreams. so, that's funny. >> seth: so, what did you do? >> oh, what did i get arrested for? >> seth: yeah. >> is that what you are asking, seth? um, well -- >> seth: look, you just seem very vague about it. >> i am. >> seth: did you kill someone? [ laughter ] >> here is the thing, it's a little bit of a footloose story. >> seth: oh, wow. >> i just wanted to dance. >> seth: gotcha. [ laughter ] >> and so, i was 15. i went out to a club. apparently, that club did not have its liquor license, and the cops raided it. it was very, like, '80s movie. >> seth: uh-huh. >> the cop's like, you know, "you don't have your liquor license." and he's like, "we gotta get out of here!" while me and my friend in the
the time, so i hid that real quick. >> seth: okay, gotcha. >> oh, my god. am i going to get arrested now, rearrested? >> seth: what are the statute of limitations? you're good. >> okay, good. so, he said, "anybody who's under the age of 18, raise your hand. we will let you go." didn't let us go. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh. you fell for the oldest trick in the book. [ laughter ] >> here we are -- >> seth: "and also, if you guys threw your marijuana away, we just wanna know where it is, and you're totally off scot-free!" so, did you have to ask at the police station for your -- >> this is in the documentary. i was, like, a real -- my parents raised me well, and they raised the smart ass in me. >> seth: gotcha. >> i don't know to rebel or question authority. so i was in the backseat of the cop car. and i was like -- because i lived on my own when i was younger. so, i was like, "you mean to tell me i can pay rent, but i can't go dancing?" >> seth: oh, wow. >> and he was like, "who the [ bleep ] is this person in the backseat?" [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, the police are like, "that's not a question for us."
>> seth: yeah. >> but, i was trying to question the logic, so i joked with him. and i said, "hey, do you think i could have my mug shot because it would make good art work in my living room?" >> seth: yeah. >> like, who says that? [ laughter ] but, i think he found me charming. >> seth: yeah. >> and, no, my dad, he recognized my dad. my dad's a character actor, and he gave us a copy of the mug shot. you cannot find it online. >> seth: okay, and now, it's on a shirt. >> and now it's on a t-shirt. >> seth: you're very comfortable in the documentary, and then, i found out your friend, also a wonderful actor, michael rapaport directed it. >> yes. >> seth: and, so, you've known him for a long time, yes? >> yes, so mike rapaport, i've known for 20 years because people are like, "why would you want cameras to be invading into your life?" >> seth: uh-huh. >> and i sort of, for me, it's a love letter to the audiences who showed up, and i like to try to inspire people, and i felt only mike rapaport could do that because he's such a brilliant filmmaker. >> seth: uh-huh. >> i saw his -- i don't know if you saw his documentary about, "a tribe called quest?" >> seth: oh, no, i haven't. >> yes! it was so good. [ applause ] >> seth: that's great.
>> and, so not only is he a friend i've known for years, and i trust him with my journey and my story, but he's a really special filmmaker, and we're so excited that it got accepted to tribeca film festival. >> seth: you're speaking of him, obviously with a lot of respect as a filmmaker. i have heard a story that on the set of "natural born killers," your director oliver stone, that you threatened to kill him. is this true or false? >> what? where's the camera? >> seth: this is a rumor that's been around that you threatened to kill oliver stone. >> oh, so, here's what's funny. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. >> wait, here's what's funny, because, you know, i've been around for a long time now. >> seth: yeah. >> and you start to hear these urban legends about yourself. >> seth: about yourself, sure. >> and for awhile, i was like people -- and that's in the documentary, too. like, "is she crazy?" which i think is hilarious. but, apparently, there was a rumor that to get the part to play a killer that i told oliver i would kill him or something. and then, i thought about it, and i was like, "oh, shoot. i think i actually kind of did that."
i was 19. but no, i didn't technically say, "oh, i'm going to murder you." i psyched him out. i kind of, like, made him -- i told him the way in which i might murder him, if i did. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, this is a very thin line we're talking about right now. >> but, you know, i tried to get the gig. you want to make people believe you. >> seth: yeah. do you remember how you said you would do it? >> i just did it really icily cold -- >> seth: okay, gotcha. >> and very weird, and he thought i'm weird enough to play that role. >> seth: well, he was right, and you were right to threaten to kill him. [ laughter ] so, and thank you so much for being here. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> seth: such a delight. juliette lewis, everybody. "hard lovin' woman" premieres friday at tribeca film festival and is available on red bull tv starting april 23rd. we'll be right back with michelle wolf.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. our next guest is a very funny comedian who you know from her work as a writer here at "late night." she's now a writer and
contributor for "the daily show with trevor noah." please welcome back to the show our good friend, michelle wolf. [ cheers and applause ] >> calm down. how are you guys? good? [ cheers and applause ] good. good for you. good job. [ light laughter ] i'm very excited that hillary clinton's running for president. all of you too? great. yeah. [ light laughter ] yeah. nothing electrifies a room more than saying the words hillary clinton. [ light laughter ] i think it'd make a good safe word. [ laughter ] 'cause then you'ld notice that, but you also couldn't keep going.
what happened hillary? [ light laughter ] i think it's be great. our first female president. that would show women everywhere -- [ cheers and applause ] yeah. it would show women everywhere you can do anything you want to do, as long as your husband did it first. [ laughter ] thank you so much for opening that glass ceiling for me. [ light laughter ] i couldn't reach it. look, there's a spider web. [ light laughter ] it was icky. i'm president. [ light laughter ] if you're gonna be the first female president, if you're gonna be the first female to do anything, you better be good at it. because if you aren't, we might not get another shot. you know? like there aren't that many female pilots. and not to point the finger of blame, but thanks a lot amelia earhart. [ laughter ] [ applause ] she was like, i'm going to fly the whole way around the world, the whole way around. i don't need your help, i can do it. and then she got lost forever.
she's the original malaysian plane. [ audience groans ] oh, and if that makes you groan, name one person on that plane! [ laughter ] you don't care about those people. you forgot it happened until i mentioned it. [ laughter ] and then the rest of you are like, "but which malaysian plane?" it's not a very good airline. [ laughter ] no one groaned when i said anything when i said amelia earhart. you can name every person on that plane. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i should mention, that was 100 percent accurate impression of amelia earhart. [ light laughter ] she either sounded like that or she was like, "oh yeah, i'm a woman. [ laughter ] i'm not a tiny man." [ light laughter ] she could've been a tiny man. look at pictures of her. you can play the game, lady or tiny man. [ light laughter ] you can play the same game with justin bieber. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
'cause he's a tiny lady. [ laughter ] you know, i'm like, i want women to get ahead, you know. i want us to be in charge of stuff. but if we're gonna to be in charge of stuff, we gotta get better at lifting things, you know. not being able to put a bag in an overhead compartment doesn't really say capable. [ light laughter ] you know who should be in charge? short men. 'cause no one's offering to help them, they're just figuring it out. [ laughter ] no one's like, "hey little buddy. [ laughter ] i know you're a grown man in a suit and everything, but can i give you a boost?" [ laughter ] now, he just figures it out. [ light laughter ] he's developing a pulley and lever system on the spot. [ laughter ] he's parkouring his way. he should be in charge. but women, we're like, "i can't." [ light laughter ] i know i packed it and brought it the entire way here, but i can't cross the finish line. [ laughter ] is it even really our fault? we never had to learn how to do things like open doors.
invention for men and women. men we're like, "look, these doors just open for you." and women we're like, "yeah, that's what doors do. [ laughter ] now get my bag. i'm president." i do think hillary clinton puts her own bag in her overhead compartment. but probably because bill never offered to help. [ light laughter ] i bet she was struggling and he was like, "did you see the stewardess?" [ laughter ] i gotta go run for a third term in the bathroom." [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] the real reason i want hillary clinton to be president is because i want bill clinton to be the first gentleman. [ cheers and applause ] all right. well, maybe you should have done that when i said, "hillary." [ light laughter ] but anyways i want him because the first gentleman sometimes give tours of the white house. and i would love to see bill be like, "these are our drapes. [ light laughter ] as you can see, they're navy. [ light laughter ]
on them, boy they glow. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] oh, man. if these walls could talk that means they'd have mouths and my penis would be in them." [ laughter ] every time he bit his lip from behind the podium, i always thought he was trying to get rid of a boner. [ laughter ] you know, like -- "hillary, hillary, hillary." [ laughter ] [ applause ] thanks a lot. i'm michelle wolf. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: michelle wolf, everybody. check out michelle april 19th. >> oh yeah! >> seth: at the nerdist showroom -- keep quiet please. at meltdown comics in l.a. and watch for her on "the daily show." we'll be right back. >> we'll be right back.
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