tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS August 9, 2016 11:30pm-12:33am EDT
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and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. hey! hey, what's goin nice to see you. hey! thank you very much. welcome. welcome to "the late show." i'm stephen colbert. we've got to get to the big story that's happening right now, might still be happening as i say this. have you guys heard about this?
representatives, democrats have staged a sit-in to force action on gun control. ( cheers and applause ) join in. why not? why not, i'll do that. i'll do that. after all, they're fighting for two things 90% of americans are in favor of: stopping terrorists from getting guns and sitting down. ( laughter ) we all like it. i don't know why i don't have a chair out here actually. this feels unnatural, un- american, certainly, to stand now in response-- and this is true-- republicans shut off c-span's cameras-- ( booing ) --which really upset c-span's viewer. ( applause ) ( laughter ) in their defense, c-span then
over the u.s. house tv cameras." what? c-span doesn't control the cameras? if you don't control what we see, what do you span? ( laughter ) i mean, if not controlling cameras what, does c-span do? is it a money laundering scheme? are they a front for the world's most boring heroin cartel? i don't understand. now, i'm sympathetic with what the democrats are trying to do little help with their messaging. listen to what connecticut democrat john larson said as members began to sit down. >> rise up, democrats. rise up, americans. this cannot stand. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: timeless. timeless. ( cheers and applause ) after watching that, i need to
vote before the fourth of july recess. and to send that message, they chanted "no bill, no break!" almost drowning out the gun lobby shouting, "i'll make the check out to cash!" republicans-- republicans are already responding. representative tom cole said, "i don't think we should allow any group to bring the work of the house to a halt." it's true. it's true. ( laughter ) as of-- ( applause ) ( cheers and applause ) don't let your complete paralysis get in the way of a good stalemate. now, as of this taping, right now, the democrats are still staging their sit-in. and if you want to know if it's still going on, just check out c-span. if you don't see them, they're there.
the only ones in america not pointed at donald trump. this morning, with his poll numbers dropping, he gave a very fiery speech that some are calling an attempt to reset his campaign. i mean, they had to reset it. they kept getting the message "error 404: shame not found." ( cheers and applause ) and after months of going after hillary clinton, trump finally pivoted and then really went after hillary clinton. >> hillary clinton may be the most corrupt person ever to seek the presidency. her decisions spread death, destruction, and terrorism everywhere she touched. hillary clinton wants to bring in people who believe women should be enslaved and gays put to death.
she's virtually done nothing good. >> stephen: also, i invited her to my wedding. she's a great lady, and i love her. ( laughter ) ( applause ) she's fantastic. ( cheers and applause ) and the reason donald was so red in the face-- well, scientists still don't know the reason. but the reason he was so angry was because yesterday, hillary cl qualified to be president because of his business record. he's written a lot of books about business. they all seem to end at chapter 11. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: i did a humor! ( laughter ) my advisors say that mirth is
all of us together. and she's right. trump filed chapter 11 for three casinos. though, to be fair, it's impossible to make money running one of those things. you know what they say about casinos, "the customer always wins." but while trump may have lost money on his casinos, he may turn a profit on his latest business: running for president. because, recently released fundraising reports show "he's and family." so whether or not he wins, he could make a profit. we have footage of his top campaign advisor explaining how that works. >> under the right circumstances, a producer could make more money with a flop than he could with a hit. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: okay.
secretary clinton? yes. yes, yes. yes, i love a good common cultural reference from the genre of comedy. you know who does, also. jon batiste and stay human, everybody. say hi. ? ? ? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, folks, before we go any further, i have got something important to talk to you about. it's a major, breaking story i covered last week, when i shared the incredible news that scientists discovered a new sex position for frogs.
of course, in order to explain a story like this, it was important to show the scientific diagram of the new position. unfortunately-- you'll see. now, here's the thing. this is cbs, and at this point, i have no idea if they're going to blur frogs having sex over my shoulder tonight. i can't wait to go home and find out. they blurred it! apparently i went all the way home for nothing. if you can't look at frog genitals? and look at the size of the area they blurred! good lord! our censors are being very generous to kermit here. ( laughter ) now, i'm not attacking cbs' standards and practices department. they are just good people doing their jobs, is what it says on the prompter for me to read here. but, i am genuinely confused by this.
scientific journal! next you'll tell me i can't even reference "the proceedings of the national academy of sciences" because the title looks like "penis." ( laughter ) jimmy, please! jimmy, thank you! we can't take any chances with cbs! ( cheers and applause ) now! children could be watching! children! now, believe i n show this to you, reached all the way up to the head cbs lawyer, who said, in this actual email-- that i have printed out right here-- and i quote: "animals don't ( bleep ) on cbs."
when did cbs decide that's a rule? must've been a particularly graphic episode of "lassie." honestly. honestly, since this is only a line drawing, frogs have no external genitalia, and you can't even see anything when it's not blurred. i think the only reason the network blurred this is because i said it's a picture of frogs i guess we'll never know. in other science news, researchers recently released a fascinating depiction of never before seen behavior in amphibians: frog tandem skydiving. they didn't blur it! we did it! ( cheers and applause ) "the late show" is your destination to see frog skydiving! only cbs! we'll be right back with uzo aduba. ( band playing )
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( band playing ) ( applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my first guest is a two-time emmy award-winning actress who re new season of "orange is the new black." >> oh my ( bleep ), that's betty cracker herself. >> i was in that grass this morning, that exact grass. >> damn, we could have all prison famous. >> you know what's better than being famous? >> pizza, daisies, smelly markers, any animal, a really good dream, a warm bath, picking a booger, a dry one, ice cream sandwiches, the feeling you get when you make a really good joke
>> money! >> money? >> cash money, y'all! >> stephen: please welcome uzo aduba. ? ? ? ( applause ) >> great audience. >> thank you for having me. >> stephen: you really sprinted out here just now. >> i did. >> stephen: and i'm not surprised because one of the first things i wanted to ask you about, i saw this-- one of my producers showed me this photo right before the show started tonight-- this is you at boston university. ( cheers and applause ) what was-- you were-- you were a track star at b.u. what was your event? >> i ran the 100-200 meters, sprinter. >> stephen: wow. >> sprinter. >> stephen: what was your time?
>> stephen: it still holds the record at b.u., i understand. >> yeah, yeah. >> stephen: that's fantastic. >> 11.6. >> stephen: my question is, what interests me about it, is track and field is so cut and dry, you know. you win or you didn't win. there's a clock up there, or there's a measuring tape or something like that. you know. and then you go to acting which is also, you know touchy-feely, so much gray area. how did you go from one to the other? >> i always ran, my whole life, d act. and i got to go to boston university, fortunately enough, on a track scholarship. i was very thankful for that. >> stephen: did you do theatre there and that kind of stuff? >> i did. i was in the program. i was actually doing opera there. >> stephen: what! >> i know. i studied my degree for voice. >> stephen: i didn't know you had pipes. >> i do sing. i do. in the morning, i'd wake up, and we'd do, you know, movement and
and in the afternoon we'd do music history and music theory. and i was like i think i like the rolling around on the floor bit more. and so, i realized, you know, when i leave here, i think i'm going to be an actor. and that's what i pursued. and it was a tough road, but i think playing sports and the preparation of sometimes you win, sometimes you lose on any given sunday can be your day, really prepared me for being out here to purs because it's been amazing. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: well, "orange is the new black" is one of the shows that everybody loves to binge. why do you think people relate so much to the women at litchfield penitentiary? >> honestly, i think the women relate-- people relate to the women on the show because they find that they didn't think they would relate to them. you know, they come in and they
but then, when you see red's story you realize, oh, no, i'm a mom. i know what that's like. i know what it's like to be somebody's daughter. i know what it's like to lose. i know what it's like to win. and so they find a piece of themselves in the story. >> stephen: i watch and i go, "i am crazy eyes." >> that's me. >> stephen: do we learn more about her story this time? do we find out why she's in there? >> we do learn more about her backstory this season. >> stephen: it's something innocuous, right, like jaywalking? >> correct. >> littering. >> stephen: we'll still like her at the end of it. >> exactly. we're going to understand a little bit more of the world she comes from. >> stephen: the show has become sort of a vehicle for like social commentary. did you think that was what it was going to be when it started? >> i-- yeah, you know, when i started doing the show, the first episode i read-- and i just loved it. i thought it was brilliant. i loved the characters so much. i thought they were so rich and alive. and, you know, you're watching the show thinking okay what is
remember, i made it about a quarter of the way through, and i stopped reading because, you know, initially, i was like people who watch the show, they think, maybe i might not connect with these characters. but then when i started the second script and i was a quarter way through and i realized, oh, wait. this isn't a show about people in prison. this is about human stories. this is about people and their lives and their lives are so much more than their crime. and i then realized oh, this actually has something to say something for the world, which is amazing. >> stephen: did you go to any prisons in preparation for this? did you meet prisoners or see what life was like? >> i didn't go in preparation for this. ( laughter ) would you rather i just did a stint? >> stephen: was it someone else's idea that you go to prison? ( laughter )
>> no. >> stephen: have you been since the show started? how about that? >> i have-- when i was a kid, we went to scared straight in my home town. >> stephen: oh, i remember that. >> yes, it's a real program. >> stephen: yeah, sure. >> it's a real program. and i mean if you come to my home town, my town is about this big. >> stephen: where are you from? >> i'm from a small town called medfield, massachusetts, just outside of boston. go, sox! you could get killed in this town for saying that. we went, and our town had zero, zero crime whatsoever. >> stephen: but they figured they need to scare you kids anyway? let's terrify the children anyway. >> exactly, exactly. but it worked. i really was scared. i was like i never want to do this. >> stephen: i understand that you're the child of immigrants. >> yes. >> stephen: from nigeria? >> yes. >> stephen: right? does your family still stay connected to nigeria? do you still speak the language where they grew up?
we very much so are a very traditional nigerian family and kept the language. >> stephen: what is the language of nigeria? >> it is igbo. >> stephen: i can pronounce that. >> yes, igbo. and, yeah, we had it in our house and we were a very traditional nigerian family. when people next door would be having pizza, we would be having stewed goat. ( laughter ) that sound delicious. you can't get domino's to deliver that, unfortunately. would do you me a favor? we have to say season four of "orange is the new black" is now streaming. would you mind saying that in igbo, before we go? >> yes. ( speaking igbo ) i love you.
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? ? ? ( applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my next guest is director of the hayden planetarium at the american museum of natural history, and one of my favorite people to talk to on this planet. please welcome neil degrasse tyson! good to see you. come on up here. ? ? ? ( cheers and applause ) good to see you. there aren't a lot of scientists that audiences will get on their feet for. >> i'm deeply moved. >> stephen: i talked to a few.
you got to have the vest. how many of those things do you go through? >> a flasher. i have about 120 ties, which i would wear without the vest, because they speak for themselves. >> stephen: sure. >> but i wear the vest, then i have to wear a neutral tie because otherwise it's too much going on. >> stephen: too much neil. ( laughter ) >> so i got about a half dozen vests, but many more ties. >> stephen: let's talk about the astronomical phenomena that people are talking about this week, the strawberry moon was making news just yesterday. what the heck is that? and-- >> every moon of the year has a name in practically every culture. >> stephen: i know, like harvest moon. or hunter's moon. >> there's a blue moon, there's a hunter's moon, there's a snow moon. and you go through these-- >> stephen: okay, what is technically, what is a blue moon? >> blue moon-- did you just ask me do i know? >> stephen: because i'm guessing
>> did you just ask that question? >> stephen: i'm guessing it's not an official-- there you go right there. isn't that a pretty moon? >> beautiful. the earth doesn't rotate. >> stephen: i understand. >> no, you don't understand. >> stephen: i want to show all sides of the story. i want to show all sides of the story. >> all sides of the story. >> stephen: i ask that. they aren't scientific labels. they're folk labels. >> they come most from the days when we were agrarian. native americans were really big with that because they counted time by the cycle of the moons. so they had a whole full portfolio of moon names. a blue moon, traditionally, is the second full moon in a month. because the average time between full moons is 29.5 days. and if you just fit that into a 30-day month or 31-day month the second full moon is a blue moon. >> stephen: it doesn't happen that often. >> yes, it happens ones once-in-
i have a cool one. i have a cool one. are you ready? there's another moon, the moon in june. it's full moon is always opposite the sun. so when the sun sets in june, it's actually very shallow below the horizon. >> stephen: yeah, yeah. >> that's where it is. so the moon opposite it is very shallow above the horizon. it never really gets high enough to shed itself of sunset colors. so it takes on an amber hue. so the full moon in june is called the honeymoon. ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: there you have it. there you have it. er >> i'm just saying -- >> there is no-- there is no astrophysicist on the planet who plays the audience like you do. ( laughter ) like an instrument. you all catch that? did you all catch what i just did? did you all see that? okay, all right. okay. so let me ask you something else about the moon. so the strawberry moon is what? why do we call it the strawberry moon? did you say i don't know? >> are strawberries is in season now? i don't know. but it could be that. >> stephen: what was special about the moon that just
the sky to be special and unique to their lifetime on earth. an earth that has been here for 4.5 billion years. so this is evidence of a delusional state that you want the universe to-- ( cheers ) >> stephen: something special happened in my lifetime and my life has some kind of meaning i'm not just photoplasm that will be gone. >> this configuration of the moon and planets will not repeat for 60,000 years. and you say, whoa, that's cool. but they don't tell you tomorrow's configuration a every day you can find something that won't repeat for, you know, millennia. and so something can be rare but uninteresting. because of how common its rarity is. >> stephen: wow, you could really make the night sky seem not special, neil. okay, let's get back to our little friend the moon up there. >> this is beautiful. i love what you did here. >> stephen: exactly, the fake turning moon. >> that's beautiful.
>> so all our best evidence shows that it-- it came from earth. a mars-sized proto-planet in the early solar system which things were still forming sideswiped earth, gathered up earth's crust, which had already segregated out heavy elements in the core, and light elements at the top. and this crust then coalesced to form our moon. our moon has hardly any iron, but it should for an object that size. we know that. so we're pretty sure it came from earth-- first, ingredients match up perfectly. the moon and earth's crust. we got that from the apollo program. but once you realize that, it's kind of quaint to realize that the moon was hewn from earth's loins, if you will. it's a kind of a-- ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: you-- you're embarrassing me, neil. ( laughter ) this is cbs. we might have it to blur everything you just said. ( laughter )
okay, can we make money off of it? can we go up there-- if there are no heavy elements up there, is there anything up there to go and mine? >> so heres the thing: if the moon is made primarily of our crust, look what we have to do to get anything interesting out of the crust. we have to build mines miles below the surface. you don't want to mine on the moon, it's just made of earth's crust. what you want to do is find asteroids that are made of metals, but previous planets that had already segregated out th they fall in the middle, the planet solidifies. then it gets smashed, broken apart. you have asteroids made entirely of metal, iron, nickel, cobalt, iridium, gold, and silver. and rare earth elements are common on asteroids. so if you want to mine, go to an asteroid. the first trillionaire in the world is going to be the person who figures out how to mine asteroids. >> stephen: wow.
>> stephen: and whoever that is, whoever that is, please, do come on the show. >> did i tell you about the face on the moon? can i quickly tell you about that? >> stephen: very quickly. >> i have to wait for the backside of the moon to spin back around. >> stephen: no you don't. i have a photo right here. >> okay, cool. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: i'm sorry, i was in australia. i was in australia, neil. there it is. >> so when i was a kid, this is how the moon would be seen from the northern hemisphere of the earth. she looks-- >> stephen: woman in the moon? man in the moon. >> no, woman. i got this one. she looks just like wilma flintstone. it's in profile. she's facing up this direction. this is her tuft of hair in the front. part of her hair in the middle. the bun of hair in the back. this is the eye socket, the nose, the mouth, the chin, the neck, and there's the crater tyco, which is her pendant--
( applause ) there it is! we've got it! >> stephen: there it is. >> we have wilma flintstone. >> stephen: neil degrasse tyson, everybody, you learn something every day. thank you so much. we'll be right back with screaming white people. don't be shy. you're all family. a little bit closer. act like you love each other. alright!
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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thanks so much. let me ask you guys a question. who here is a fan of yelling? ( cheers and applause ) well, i have some sad news. because after 47 years, the national hollerin' contest in spivey's corner, north carolina, has been cancelled. ( audience reacts ) i know, i know. this world-famous contest was dedicated to "the rural tradition of hollerin',
days of telephones." but the contest's been losing money in the recent years. i guess these days, if you want to see people scream at the top of their lungs, you can just watch the news. ( laughter ) yes, yes, it's funny, because i hear the laughter. i say we cannot lose this cultural beacon. so tonight, i'm proud to announce the first annual "late ( cheers and applause ) >> from the ed sullivan theater, it's "the late show" hollerin' contest! waaa-ha-ha! >> stephen: please welcome ten- time champion on the ladies calling contest, sheila frye! ( cheers and applause ) 1978 hollerin' junior champion, robbie goodman! and six-time national champion, tony peacock!
all right. sheila, robbie, tony, thanks so much for being here. sheila, i'll start with you. what is hollerin' and how did it start? >> hollerin' started long ago before there were phones, electricity. people had to communicate, they had to use their voice to communicate with farmers, their neighbors and in their community for different reasons. >> stephen: okay, robbie, what are the different forms of hollerin'? i understand there are four distinct forms, what are they? >> you have communicative. you have distress. and there's one more. >> functional. >> stephen: now, tony, six-time champion, will hollerin' become a lost art? i mean, how many people still holler? >> we hope not. as long as we're hollerin', we think there's a chance it might stay alive. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: we're doing our part. we're doing our part. okay, sheila, why don't you start us off right now, be our
find the right height for that for yourself. and what kind of holler are you going to lead off with tonight? >> i'm going to lead off with some expressive holler, just a little medley. long ago, people had no electricity. you couldn't watch tv or go to the movies so you had to have your own fun for sheer entertainment. >> stephen: is there anything the audience should do in preparation? >> just smile. >> stephen: all right, sheila, take it away. ( yelling noises ) ( yelling noises ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: beautifully done. beautifully done. all right, robbie, get up here. robbie, i understand you were 1978 junior hollerin' champion. how much was hollerin' back in
>> it depends on who could shake a leg, i guess. >> stephen: what kind of hollerin' are you going to do for us right now, robbie? >> i'd liked to do of what i won when i was 10, but that was thirty plus years ago. the distress holler and a good morning holler. >> stephen: this is i'm in trouble, come help me. ( yelling noises ) >> stephen: that spooked me. that spooked me. >> i got in a lot of trouble with that. >> stephen: have you got in trouble with that one? you do sound like a cop. >> i actually got a ticket for impersonating an emergency vehicle but it was thrown out of court, honestly. >> stephen: what's a good morning holler?
( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: and that's in case-- that comes in handy-- that will come in handy, say, if your rooster gets sick and you need to step in the morning. >> that comes in handy when you get up in the morning and you've lived to see another day and feeling good and letting everybody know, hey, i'm alive and well. >> stephen: nicely done. all rit, tony, no pressure, you are six- time champion of the national of national hollerin' contest. what kind of holler are you going to treat us to today? >> i have a signature holler that i use. >> stephen: so if somebody hears it it's like, "that's tony." there's nobody else. >> right, and it can be used for functions on the farm calling for water or whatever you need if you're out in the field, people would know tony needs a certain item and we're going to help him. >> stephen: take it away. >> and this was inspired by
( yelling noises ) >> stephen: woooo! ( that's beautiful. thank you, tony. that is some good, old-time hollerin'. can i have the trophy, please? can i have the trophy, please? all right, ladies and gentlemen, i'm ready to present the first annual "late show" hollerin' contest. and what's that? i'm being told there's a last minute contestant. please welcome uzo aduba. uzo!
what a shocker. what a shocker. uzo, are you ready? a last-minute contestant. this is going to shock the hollerin' world right now. are you ready to holler? >> i was born ready. >> stephen: is there anything we need to know about your holler? >> this comes from the ancient cities of brooklyn. ( laughter ) >> stephen: all right. take it away. ladies and gentlemen, uzo aduba. ( yelling noises ) >> holla! >> stephen: uzo aduba! the first annual champion! to learn how you can help to bring back the hollerin' contest, please contact spivey's corner volunteer fire department. sheila frye, robbie goodman, tony peacock. and uzo aduba, everybody. we'll be right back with a
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>> stephen: our musical guest tonight is making her network television debut. here performing "dead eyes," ladies and gentlemen, adia victoria! ( cheers and applause ) you know, ? since you left his town, you know, all the money, child ? i'd be highway bound i live on a lonely avenue ? little girl wouldn't say i do, but i feel so sad and blue ? you know that it's all because of you ? i could cry, i could cry, i could cry