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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  August 25, 2016 11:30pm-12:33am EDT

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after mirror low 90s today we go mid that is our harvesting 94 but the same saturday before we
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captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: senator kaine, thanks so much for being here. >> absolutely. >> stephen: it's so exciting to have a potential veep on. >> i'm a big fan. i never miss an episode of-- (whispering) >> the "late show." >> -- the "late show!" with -- (whispering) >> stephen colbert. >> -- stephen colbert. >> stephen: thanks! have you met my other guest, the great tony hale from hbo? >> yes, i love his show-- ( inaudible ) >> ah.
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what? it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. tonight, stephen welcomes tim kaine, mark strassmann, tony hale and car seat headrest. from new york city, it's stephen colbert! (cheers and applause) ? >> stephen: hey! thanks, everybody! whoo! what's going on? (cheers and applause)
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(cheers and applause) #. >> stephen: hey, thank you so much! thank you so much! what's up? good to see you. welcome to the "late show." i'm stephen colbert. can you feel the electricity in the air? can't you? (cheers and applause) we're making the turn into the general election right now and the first debates are just a few monday, september 26. trump vs. clinton. this time it's presidential. (laughter) and i'm proud to say the "late show" will be broadcasting live right after the debate. this fall. (cheers and applause) >> every night. >> stephen: every night. we'll be there. you will want to tune in-- anything can happen. because, during the debate, i'm
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(laughter) ? anytime they talk. anytime they talk. (applause) now, this is interesting. you know how, when the candidates are preparing for the debate, they get a sparring partner? someone to play against so they could figure out what their opponent is going to be like? the party acts like their opponent so they're ready for that. but partner for her to practice with. i don't see what the problem is. just put a jack o' lantern on a drunk bear. you're done! (cheers and applause) ? ? meanwhile, last week we found out that former fox news c.e.o., roger ailes, is advising donald
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now, ailes was just fired for sexual harassment. so don't miss this truly historic debate when america's first female presidential candidate gets called "sugarcakes." (laughter) (applause) >> what! it's a compliment! it's a compliment! >> stephen: yeah. trump was in jackson mississippi yesterday, where he was joined on stage by nigel farage, one of the master-- l s of the british brexit from the e.u. i don't know what the folks of the deep south have in common with angry white people who want to leave a union. but evidently, they liked him. (cheers and applause) and when trump addressed the
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>> stephen: whoo! whoo! now tell us if that's good or bad? whoo! don't know. might be a compliment. (laughter) you're a bigot, sugar cakes! (laughter) i know it's hard to look away from trump, but lets play that clip again, and i ask you to focus on the woman behind him. >> hillary clinton is a bigot. (laughter) >> stephen: that woman looks like she'd been goosed with an ice pick. she looks like she just woke up from a coma to discover she's a
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was i bad? (laughter) with everything donald trump's been up to lately, it can be easy to forget that one of the things he's doing is running for president. tonight, he was supposed to give a speech laying out his new immigration policy, but instead he's at a fundraiser in aspen. to be fair, a lot of people visiting colorado immediately forgot what they were supposed. to do. trump has repeatedly sworn, if 11 million undocumented immigrants. and if you disagree with him on that, well, now he does, too. >> you seem to, in the last week, be revisiting the issue of sending everybody back that is here illegally. >> there certainly could be a softening. >> stephen: this is crazy. the one thing we thought we knew about donald trump was how
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this is totally against his brand! it's like smokey the bear saying "i'm softening my position on forest fires. matches are cool!" but now, trump says he hasn't made up his mind on immigration. in fact, last night, he asked his supporters what they thought he should think. (applause) >> now, can we be, and i'll ask the audience, you have somebody who's terrific, who's been here-- >> right. long time. long court proceeding, long. everything, okay, in other words to get them out. can we go through a process or do you think they have to get out? tell me. i don't know, you tell me. >> well-- let's do a poll. how many think they should go through a process that maybe give them a chance? clap-- we've got to hear you. >> how many people? (applause) >> how many think they should go? ( applause ) >> stephen: what? what's happening?
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learned right there. for more analysis, we turn to our senior trump correspondent, dana freeling. >> what's happening?! >> stephen: thank you, dana. (applause) she speaks for many americans. i look forward to trump's state of the union address. ( as trump ) "my fellow americans, the state of the union is... quick poll. strong? weak? damp? yell it out." anything you want. and trump wasn't done polling the people. he asked them a lot of tough questions, all at the same time. >> look, let me ask you the process. you have somebody that's been in the country for 20 years, has done a great job, has a job,everything else, okay, do we take him and the family, her or him or whatever and send them out? and they are gone? do we tell these people to get out, number one, or do we work with them and let them stay in some form?
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gang members, all them, what do you think? (applause) so now we have the person 20 years, been an upstanding person, the family's great, everyone's great. do we throw them out, or do we work with them and try? (audience reacts) >> w-whoa. how many say work with them? >> number one, number one, we'll say throw out. number two, we work with them. ready? number one? ( cheers ) number two. ( bigger cheers ) >> stephen: i think it's fair to say, that was a pile of number two. (cheers and applause) but let's ask the american people. listen to me right here, okay? (laughter) guys, if you think trump should not have asked two or more questions at a time, shout out: "option one."
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two-- start clapping. and if you disagree, stomp your feet and yell. go. ( audience reacts ) perfect. thank you. all right? >> jon: yeah! >> stephen: somebody write those results down. in all the chaos at trump's town hall, one voice rose above the crowd. >> look, this is like a poll. there's thousands of people in this room. who wants those peophr (audience reacts) >> who wants them? who wants them? who's the guy that wants them thrown out? >> the guy that wants them thrown out, stand up. >> stephen: well, of course that guy agrees with trump. i'm pretty sure it's mike pence!
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>> jon: just like him. now based on that town hall, i think i know what his decision will be: letting the american people decide which immigrants are allowed to stay, in a reality show called "so you think you're one of the good ones!" (laughter) let's play right now. starting with our first undocumented contestant, juan martinez! juan has beein he has had a steady job, no criminal record, he is an active member of his church, but, on the other hand, he does smack his gum real loud and still has his christmas lights up. so, let's ask the mob, is juan "one of the good ones"? if you think he is, shout "one". if he's won a green card, shout "won", and if he should be
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just as accurate. stick around. we've got the democratic nominee for vice president, senator tim kaine. seems like o nice guy! (cheers and applause) ? [ tires screech ] flo: [ ghost voice ] oooo! [ laughs ] jaaaaamie, the name your price tool can show you coverage options to fit your budget. tell me something i don't know -- oh-- ohhh! ahh! this is probably more of a breakroom activity. ya think? ? [ school bell ringing ]
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she's one of the wealthiest women in politics. combined income: thirty million dollars. tours the world on private jets. protected by armed guards for thirty years. but she doesn't believe in your right
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for so many americans today." an out of touch hypocrite. she'd leave you defenseless. the nra political victory fund is responsible for the content of this advertising. (cheers and applause) ? >> stephen: my first guest tonight is a former governor, current senator, and hillary
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>> stephen: welcome to the show. have you been on a talk show like this before? >> i never v. never dreamed i would. >> stephen: you will be doing a lot more of it over the next few months. >> we'll see how tonight goes. no gaffes. (laughter) how long did you know that you were the vice presidential pick before the rest of us knew? >> about 12 minutes. >> stephen: seriously. yeah, hillary clinton called me about 7:32 friday, july 22, not that it was a memorable moment, and we talked and she said you're about to get kidnapped and i have a team about a mile away to get you.
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before the press knows because i want to tell my wife. she said, about 15 minutes. so i had to race, tell my wife and kids and call my parents. >> stephen: how did she take it? (laughter) >> we had talked about it before. >> stephen: okay. o she was, you know -- both of us were overcome with emotion, we really very were, and i'm so proud to be a running mate with such a great person. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: well, when you do you mean by that? >> you know the scene at the end of e.t. where they go up into a big spaceship. >> yeah. there is just a huge operation, a presidential campaign that's been going for 20 months is just massive. so 33 days, i think i have been in 24 states, done all kind of events and the next stretch from here to november 8 will be super intense, but if you have to be
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get to skip all the really hard work. i look at hillary clinton and what she's had to do for the length of these months and days, it's really hard work. >> stephen: let me ask you an important question, how is her health? is she okay? can she sit up under her own power? (laughter) >> i think she could beat me in the new york marathon. but we can't do that because there's a campaign to run. >> stephen: before you accept anything? joe biden said i want lunch with the president every week. >> when hillary asked me, i started to say yes and she said, i want to tell you why first. she didn't let me answer. what we ended up talking about is she said the test of what we do is not bill signing, it's does it make it better for kids and the people, the workers.
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lieutenant governor, you're at the federal level, i think you can help me govern. so we got into the governing stuff. >> stephen: you've had a lot of roles. city council, mayor, governor, lieutenant governor, senator . is there one thing that applies to all the jobs and the seal on your door gets prettier? >> i would say, i was a missionary in honduras 35 years ago, a civil rights lawyers 17 years, bridge builder, i'm about reconciliation and bringing people >> stephen: you were a jesuit missionary. >> yes. >> stephen: do you have a favorite part of the bible, a favorite quote from the new testament? >> from the new testament? >> stephen: that's the jesus portions. >> yeah, that's the jesus portions. i would say paul's letter to the philippians. >> stephen: really? do nothing from selfishness
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yourself. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: i'm a big fan of philippians -- whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are just, righteous, set your mind on these things. >> i don't have a third philippians to to you, so -- >> stephen: okay. hillary clinton said -- i'm going to test you here, she that wanted to disagree with her. >> yes. >> stephen: so please your new boss and say something you disagree with hillary clinton on. >> you think i'm new at this? (laughter) i was a lot gover -- i was a lt. governor and my deal was the
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from me. you won't hear about it from the press or see it on tv. the relationship works if you play a supportive role if you are extremely candid in person and can't surprise folks. >> stephen: want to just whisper in my ear? (laughter) what about the the trans-pacific trade pac? this is something people didn't like. mrs. clinton helped with it, you against it. >> what i was for was the president having the tools to negotiate the best deal possible. so i voted for something called the t.p.a., fast track authority. let the president negotiate the best deal. >> stephen: and he did. and he did. and the deal was on the table and i've got a real problem with it because i don't think the portions i really like, labor, standards and environmental standards, i don't think they can be enforced under this deal and that's why i'm opposing it.
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jobs, increase wages and are good for national security. but if you get there you have to be a bill that can be enforced. there are concerns but that's the major one with me. >> stephen: are you familiar with your role as america's step-dad? a lot has been written about how you look like a dad or step-dad. america, meet tim kaine, your new step-dad. tim kaine is making earnest dads tim kaine will be driving you to and from the prom, mister. (laughter) and tim kaine is that soccer dad who can sing around to any rap song but hums the cuss words. (laughter) (cheers and applause) are you okay with not being cool? >> i have been prepared for that for 26 years because i have
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ripping on me and saying those things about me since they were born. >> stephen: what did you think of trump softening his position on immigration? first of all, a vice president is supposed to be an attack dog as the vice presidential candidate. he called your friend hillary clinton a bigot. do you have -- you know, i'll take you off the chain right now. go ahead after him. >> when hillary clinton got out of law school, she was working to help advance racial justice in theu in south carolina and fight segregation in alabama. i got out of law school and was battling housing discrimination in virginia. donald trump was a real estate guy who got sued by the justice department for discriminating people in housing writing the letter c on applications if they were minority. hillary clinton has a track record all the way back to being a middle schooler in a methodist
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priorities for others, and donald trump is for himself. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: we've got to take a break. stick around? >> y y yh. >> stephen: bababababack senator tim kaine. (cheers and applause)
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(cheers and applause) ? >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! we're back with vice presidential candidate senator tim kaine. i didn't give you a chance to answer the question i asked you before the break which is what do you make of trump softening his stance on immigration. what do you have to say about that? >> i don't buy it because --
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>> stephen: i don't speak spanish. what is the spanish word for "pander"? >> i don't think that word exists in the spanish language. it's unique to the american political tradition. >> stephen: damn it. all right. (laughter) now, you're super busy right now. i think you're doing, like, 12 states in eight days. >> did 12 in 8 and back out on the road starting today. >> stephen: well, before -- you know, earlier in the summary when it was first announced you were going to be t remarkable simil similarity. you look a lot like my post production manager mark mark sp. we offered him to step in when
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but of course if you do step in, i'll need you to be my post-production supervisor >> we'll need to transcode that clip to dnx145 for the avid, then i'll have jason export and send it down to control for rehearsal. >> stephen: that makes just as much sense to me as when mark says it. so what do you think? >> i don't think so. >> stephen: well, let's find ou who does. jim? >> hey, how aria? you -- hey, how are ya? are you following the election? the political season. >> yes. >> stephen: would you like to
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>> stephen: senator kaine? hello, nice to meet you. police don't forget to vote in november. >> stephen: does he look exactly how you thought he would look? >> i guess. i'm picturing a white guy. >> stephen: they don't get much whiter. ? i got tim kaine ? ? who wants to meet the man ? ? he's running for vice president ? ? it's really him ? who are you supporting trump or clinton? >> clinton. >> stephen: who is her raiment running mate. >> tim kaine. >> stephen: from? virginia. >> stephen: can you pick him out of the crowd? >> no. >> stephen: look over there. is that him? >> stephen: come here. senator. >> hello. >> stephen: senator kaine. hello. >> stephen: anything you want to ask tim kaine.
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city? >> working with the local government. >> stephen: what city was this, stir? >> richmond city? >> stephen: richmond city, virginia. >> what was the worst part? >> stephen: just a second. you were the mayor of richmond city, virginia? >> yes. >> stephen: tim kaine here! i have the real tim kaine! any message you would like to get to hillary clinton? he spends a lot of time with her. >> a lot of time. >> stephen: great dy you an hillary clinton were at the bar and got locked in. >> i can't tell that story. >> stephen: you got locked in the bar and had nothing to eat so you had to drink liquor all the time. >> that's what we did. >> stephen: the rest of your life you know this is what tim kaine looks like. >> yeah. >> stephen: great. thank you so much. you want to do a photo with the senator ? >> absolutely. >> stephen: one, two, three. this is tim kaine! >> stephen: are you excited
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who's our vice presidential candidate? >> tim kaine. >> stephen: hey! you recognize him. did you recognize him? >> i had to look him up. >> stephen: did you look him up? >> yes. >> stephen: show me on the phone what you looked up because people don't always look like their photographs. ready? >> that. >> stephen: that's him. one, two, three! >> i'm tim kaine. ? >> stephen: have you ever met tim kaine? >> i have not. >> stephen: senator kaine, dwight kaufman, senator kaine. senator kaine is new to a lot of americans. >> yes. >> stephen: do you happen to know what state he's from? >> virginia. >> stephen: do you want to quiz him on anything? >> off daughter in college. >> stephen: yes, and her name is? >> helena. incorrect. >> stephen: incorrect.
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name. >> okay. >> stephen: what gives, senator. >> melania. (laughter) >> stephen: no. close. >> stephen: what does this say that help doesn't know his daughter's name. >> i think he must be an imposter. >> i'm tim kaine (speaking spanish) >> stephen: and fluent in ? ? this is tim kaine ? ? senator from virginia ? what's your name. >> say ray. sha. >> stephen: which one is the mother. >> this one. >> stephen: that's a good one. okay, did you follow american politics? >> yes. >> stephen: so who do you like? >> hillary. >> stephen: hillary. would you be interested in meeting hillary clinton's vice presidential candidate? >> yes. >> stephen: is that exciting? who is that?
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senator cane! >> tim cane. >> stephen: give her a hug. (applause) great. >> thank you. >> stephen: how did that feel. great. >> stephen: great, great. (laughter) >> i find you very attractive. (laughter) >> stephen: and her mother? and you also. (laughter) your daughter is beautiful. i hope you vote for us in november. >> stephen: you can't vote? no. >> stephen:. i'll arrange it. >> stephen: this guy's running for vice president! (applause) yay! (baby crying)
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sorry. >> stephen: you made a baby cry. you made a baby cry. are you happy? babies can tell. babies can tell. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: mark spada, come on out here. (cheers and applause) >> thank you. ladies and gentlemen, give it up for (cheers and applause) tim kaine, everybody! (cheers and applause) ? get into olive garden now for our lunch duos! choose your favorite pasta, piadina or sandwich. it all comes with our never-ending soup or salad. and all the breadsticks you want. starting at just $6.99 get never-ending value for lunch,
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z23aoz zi0z y23aoy yi0y (cheers and applause) ? >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back!
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this year for his role as presidential body man gary walsh on "veep." >> gary. oh, shut up! you screwed up the worst in all the ways. >> oh, i know you make fun of me and i know you think i'm funny, and i'm funny, ha ha, well, at least i cared! >> i did my i (bleep) cared! >> well that just kind of made this whole year worth it. >> yeah. >> stephen: please welcome tony hale! ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> hey! (cheers and applause)
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>> stephen: i love doing that bit with you and tim kaine in the cold open. you look so natural behind tim kaine there. >> did i? >> stephen: yeah. thank you. thank you very much. >> stephen: is there anything you think he or hillary clinton could learn from watching "veep"? >> don't watch it. >> stephen: no good models -- not of politics. funny, but no good models. >> stephen: do you think it's li >> is this it's a good question. >> stephen: what i do for a living -- (laughter) >> actually, it's funny. i think it's more about, actually, office politics. you know, it's like these people are kind of positioning themselves. they get ahead, spinning stories to give them attention, how close can you get to the popular kids to get power. that kind of stuff. >> stephen: they're terrible people. >> they're atrocious people. >> stephen: which is why it seems accurate to me. >> yeah.
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d.c., but before we started the show, we got a chance to meet people that kind of did our jobs. >> stephen: you met a body man? >> i met a body man. >> stephen: who did you meet? i can't say. >> stephen: was it reggie love? >> it wasn't reggie love. >> stephen: is that the name you can't say? >> i did meet him later. i met him previously, another guy, a body man to a politician. he did fit his 20s. he never saw his family or friends and moved on to other stuff. my character has done it into his 40s because he has no identity out of selina meyer. worships her. she's jesus to him. >> stephen: that's pretty strong. >> pretty strong (laughter) >> stephen: yeah. did you hear the senator talking about being a jesuit missionary earlier. >> yes. >> stephen: yeah. and you guys did, like, a bible game. >> stephen: a little bit, yeah.
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each other. >> i can flip some philippians. philippians 4:13, i can do all things through him who gives me strength. flip wrns 4:6, do n the peace of christ will guard your hearts and minds in christ. bam! bam! >> stephen: didn't you start as an actor in new york first? >> i did. >> stephen: you started at the haven which is a place, like, hang out. isn't that called a church? (laughter) why did you think you had to make a place for christians in show business? >> no, i met actually a lot of people whose faith were important to them and they were artists and not necessarily supported by the church in what they did. so we just get together and see each other's work and encourage each other and hang out. it was mainly a reason to get friends. i didn't have any friends. let's be honest.
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>> we did. i had my wife there. >> stephen: really? yeah. (cheers and applause) she was a makeup artist on "saturday night live" at the time. >> stephen: did you enjoy doing that meltdown as gary? >> i did. thank you for asking. good question, stephen. (laughter) >> stephen: is that a long time coming. >> yes. >> stephen: your character and couple you played seem like on the verge of a breakdown all the i do that really well. (laughter) but, yeah, because my character is so beaten down, and he also worships the ground selena meyer walks on and you watch the people around her make mistake after mistake. in my character's eyes, i don't understand why they're not hand herring the presidency, she's
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lost it. >> stephen: some of the show is improvised, right? >> yeah. very rare in television, they give us, like, two weeks before we shoot to rehearse and we get five scripts and we play around and the writers work incredibly hard on the scripps and they give us time to play. but on the set when it's locked, it's physical, if you drop your purse, i'll catch it here, so we can still play wwe >> stephen: do you ever check the initiations or the impulses you have for something the character says when you're in the development period of the script so people don't know which party she's in? because you can't tell whether she's a democrat or republican by watching the show. >> yeah, because they wanted to keep it to where you wouldn't know, but we've got a lot of people on set, not a lot, but they've got a lot of political consultants that help us, yeah, if you go that direction, it
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frank rich is on the show, a political journalist and a great resource for the show. >> stephen: the show sin credible. >> thank you. >> stephen: thank you so much for coming on (cheers and applause) >> thank you. >> stephen: you can watch "veep" on hbo. tony hale, everybody! we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) i'm in vests and as a vested investor in vests, i invest with e*trade, where investors can investigate and invest in vests... or not in vests. sign up at and get up to six hundred dollars. t-mobile's coverage is unstoppable.
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crabfest is on at red lobster so come dive into dishes like the new alaska bairdi crab dinnerrym with tender snow and king crab legs. love crab? then hurry, crabfest ends soon. cooper: governor mccrory wants you to believe there's a carolina comeback. but raise your hand if your taxes have gone up while those at the top
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i'm roy cooper, and that's not a comeback. that's moving backwards. raise your hand if you agree that those at the top should pay their fair share. raise your hand if you agree that tax breaks should be going to the middle class. and raise your hand if you agree that a comeback should include everyone. >> stephen: and now, making their network television debut with the song, "fill in the blank," ladies and gentlemen, ( cheers and applause ) ? ? ? ? i'm so sick of fill in the blank ? accomplish more accomplish nothing ? if i were split in two
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? so i could beat up the rest of me ? you have no right to be depressed ? you haven't tried hard enough to like it ? haven't seen enough of this world yet ? but it hurts, it hurts it hurts, it hurts ? well stop your whining try again ? no one wants to cause you pain they're just trying to let some air in ? but you hold your breath you hold your breath ? i hold my breath i hold it ? ? ? ? i've known for a long time i'm not getting what i want out of people ? it took me a long time to figure out i don't know what
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? and there will be no answer. then you'll ask for how long? ? and there will be no answer then you'll ask what can i do? ? and there will be no answer. and eventually you will shut up ? you have no right to be depressed ? you haven't tried hard enough to like it ? you haven't seen enough of this world yet ? but it hurts, it hurts it hurts, it hurts ? well stop your whining try again ? no one wants to cause you pain they're just trying to let some air in ? but you hold your breath, you hold your breath ? you hold it hold my breath ? i hold my breath i hold it ? i get signs from the cops saying "stay the ( bleep ) down" ? i get signs from the audience saying "stay the ( bleep ) down"


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