tv North Carolina News at 600AM CBS November 8, 2016 6:00am-7:00am EST
this has been a day to remember. mindy was such a beautiful bride. but, cora, they're honeymooning on ork. why can't they go to the poconos? well, i think it's exciting to go to another planet. i'd rather have a frontal lobotomy. well, go for it. it's almost time to blast off. mindy, honey, won't you reconsider? we're talking about space travel here -- going off to some strange planet. oh, dad. it's where mork grew up. he just wants to share it with me. [ humming title theme from "2001: a space odyssey" ] ? dahmm ? ? dahhm ?
that's a catchy tune. i wish i could remember the words. are those special glasses to shield our eyes from the ultraviolet rays? no, i just bought them 'cause they're gnarly. yeah, that's great, mork. you can't let this man pilot you through space. he doesn't even have a driver's license. come on, now, pops. i have been to the 4 corners of the universe, i have charted 16 solar systems, and i can refold a road map correctly. there's another thing, mork. she got sick in her baby carriage. come back, little neener pooter. don't worry about her. we're traveling first-class. [ beeping, whistling ] [ buzzing ] it's here, mind. oh, boy! we're going to go in style! we are going to go -- oh, shazbat. they sent the compact model. oh, well. we'll just have to make do. just a minute, mork.
i have prepared for everything. i've packed plenty of dramamine and tang. has anyone seen my dramamine and tang? i packed it. my wife -- i think i'll keep her. i packed a lunch for you, and there's a piece of your wedding cake in there, too. oh, thanks, grandma. we'll both bring you back something from ork. where are you going to stay up there? we're going first-class, grandma. well, just remember, mork... that's pretty valuable cargo there. you're right. i really am proud of this suitcase. he meant me. don't you worry. your little girl is in very good hands. don't touch that!! you'll kill us all!! good evening and welcome to air ork's intergalactic traveler y huevos grandes.
of the total lack of safety measures on this flight. first of all, we have no exits either front, back, or sides. in case of emergency, a brown paper bag will fall from the ceiling which means absolutely nothing. on this flight, our in-flight movie will be -- "the high and the mighty" and "fate is a lonely hunter." [ imitating spanish ] ...airport 79. [ sighs ] mind! mind, wake up! . we're here. oh, mork, ork is beautiful. well, yeah. just think -- me, mindy mcconnell, the first woman in space. there was a russian lady. you're the first that shaves. aren't we going awfully fast? yeah. yeah, mind. isn't it a kick?
pity. welcoming you to squelman the yellow memorial airport. there will be a brief delay due to the controllers' strike. don't stand up until we've completely docked at the gate, and observe the "no screaming" signs. [ beeping ] oh, mork, ork is just amazing. i mean, this hotel... everything's just so futuristic. this is one of the old, downtown hotels, mind. you should see the ones on the strip. what are we going to do first? i want to do everything! we'll go see my old neighborhood, if you don't mind digging with your hands.
nanu. ar ar! ar ar! ar ar! ar ar! ar ar! ar ar! what's that all about? that's our version of the national enquirer. you're going to be kind of a celebrity because they've never seen an earthling before. there's going to be a little giggling and gawking, like an alexander haig press conference. nanu! [ speaking orkan ] i suddenly feel very tired and very out-of-place. let's just go to our room. [ speaking orkan ] ar ar! ar ar! ar ar! what did you say? i told them you weren't that contagious. i said you were housebroken, too. may i help you? yes. we have reservations under the name of mork. mind, why are you talking to him? he asked about our reservations. that's a penguin. they don't talk... and hardly ever take reservations. yes, mork? this must be your wife -- [ sneeringly ] the earthling. well, it takes all kinds.
we'd like the very special room overlooking the ice machine. the room won't be ready for 30 microblimps. nanu, nanu. doesn't he look amazingly like elton john, mind? orson carries a lot of weight around here. couldn't we get him to lean on this snippy little guy? i'm your husband. i don't need orson's weight. besides, i have a lot of clout around here. i used to be the dinner diver in the lobster tank. wait right here. okay, i'll just...browse. hello. ar ar ar ar! ar ar ar ar! ar ar ar ar! ar ar ar ar! i'm new here. why do i feel like the elephant man? ar ar ar ar! ar ar ar ar! ar ar ar ar! ar ar ar ar! excuse me! on earth, we don't poke people we don't date. ar ar ar ar! ar ar ar ar! ar ar ar ar! ar ar ar ar!
[ shrill beeping ] [ man speaking orkan ] oh, no, officers. they didn't mean any harm. i'm sure they've just never -- wait a minute! mork! wait! i'm an american! help! mork! help! [ chattering in orkan ] [ speaking orkan ] min... min, i've arranged for the room, hon. peekaboo! oh, i hope she didn't go in the pool. it hasn't eaten yet today. would you say no to a lot more money? [excited scream] you just won a million dollars! no thanks. nice balloons, though! or no to more vacation days? janet, i'm giving you an extra week's vacation!
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they paraded me around and asked me all these questions i didn't understand, and then they gave me this. i guess it's some sort of a visa or something. that wasn't a customs office. that was a pet show. what?! you didn't do too badly -- you took 4th place. a pet show?! i'm so humiliated. i know. you should have at least won in the obedience class. oh, mind, i don't know what -- [ speaking orkan ] thank you. oh, mind, i'm really sorry about that. i wanted to make the honeymoon very special. oh, mork, it's not your fault. it's just been such a long trip. and our rooms weren't ready. [ whining ] and 4th place! mind! mind! [ speaking orkan ]
i just need some rest. let's go to our room. i love your attitude. you're hanging in there with me. no wonder they call you "the better half." the rooms are all set to go. let's go upstairs, and we'll play newlyweds. you know -- count our savings bonds. this is an intergalactic-class hotel. they modify each room to satisfy the needs of the specific alien. it's going to be like any ramada inn on earth, right down to the little paper sash on the commode. mork, it's customary to be carried over the threshold. l right, mind, but i'm a little heavy. no, not you. oh. thanks, mork. that was real romantic. [ door closes ] well, mind, this is just like any room on earth -- there's lots of rooms i've seen on earth with "floor" paper and "wall" rugs... ceiling chairs. oh, mork...
it looks like it was decorated by fools-r-us! oh, mind, how could they do this to me? too much coffee, tom? mork, it's all right. it is? no, but you're distraught. we'll talk about it later. oh, mind, i just wanted our honeymoon to be something very, very special. oh, i know. look, the important thing is that we're together, and it is our honeymoon. in the dictionary, it says "compassionate -- see you." [ laughs ] i love you, mork. i love you, mind. [ dong ding ] dong ding? dong ding? they can even screw up a doorbell. maybe it's the bellhops with our luggage. do you tip bellhops here on ork? no, they're robots -- if you tip them, they can't get back on their feet. surprise! surprise! oh, gosh, mind! it's the peevee clones, six and seven! nice to meet you.
whatever that is. ha ha ha! ha ha ha! we heard you were back and could hardly wait to get up here. six thought it would be funny if we brought in your luggage. we had to tip the robot. he's still out there. yeah, he's out there, his little feet just flailing away. oh, mind, the clones and i, we go way back. we used to sneak into the school bathroom and tell, like, jokes. well, you know, i got caught for being funny and that's why i was sent to earth. ar ar ar! wait till you hear our latest orson joke. this is really going to short your circuits. okay, watch those sides. here it goes. orson is a big... fatso! fatso! ha ha ha! ha ha ha! i can see why you were the only one caught. come on, six, we might as well make ourselves at home. might as well. we got a lot of catching up for mork to do. hey, mork, your human friend
how many earthlings does it take to screw in a light bulb? i don't know. how many earthlings does it take to screw in a light bulb? one! one! ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha! [ sighs ] well...they're gone, mind. that didn't hang on as long as the peevee clones. i thought they'd take the hint when we put on our nightgowns. i thought they'd take the hint when we told them to get out, especially after they referred to me as your "creature." well... i guess we're alone now. i guess so. [ chuckles ] [ giggles ]
t way. on our honeymoon night. yep. sure is dark. sure is. well, it's our wedding night. i better not put this off any longer, huh? i guess not. ? bette davis eyes ? 'night, mind. what was that?! that's the ancient orkan honeymoon ritual. the honeymoon ritual is a little different on earth. what's different, mind? no mask? hardly.
i told him he was crazy. that's one for dad. read this. now? please. cute pictures. just read, mork. mm-hmm. yep. whoa! ha ha! okay, all done. is there anything you don't understand? no... clear as a bell, mind. i'm just going to step in the bathroom for just a minute. mork! mork, are you all right? did that book upset you? no! not at all! really, mind! i'm just going to sleep on the bathroom floor tonight, maybe forever. mork, you're my husband. i'm not going to let you sleep in the bathroom. i'm going to come in there and get you.
n the door! come on, mork. come out of there. mork! mork? all right. i'm coming in there. mork! mork, come back here! don't run away! mork! oh! we should have gone to niagara falls! mork? mork, where are you? i know you're here someplace. mork, this is our honeymoon. is this really the way you want to start out our marriage? mork: [ chinese accent ] mork not here right now! mork, will you come out here, please? i need to talk to you. [ normal voice ] i can't, mind. [ southern accent ] he can't!
you knew it was me all along, didn't you? i'm psychic. well, i wasn't really running away. i just like to hyperventilate alone. you know, mork, i think i realize for the first time how you must feel on earth. i don't know how you cope. i've got you to take care of me. oh...i haven't told you this, but, you know, i think ork is really a lovely planet. the three moons are very romantic. mm-hmm. and this garden -- it's beautiful. these flowers almost look exactly like earth roses. they should look exactly like earth roses -- i've been sending them here for three years now. i wanted to share a little bit of earth's beauty with ork.
that's so nice. they're not as beautiful as you are, though. oh, thanks. now, you want to tell me what's bothering you? i'm scared. oh, mork... come over here. oh, mork, everyone's scared of getting married. it's a new experience. it's a normal emotion. sure. oh, mork, just think -- someday we might have children, and i'm scared to death of that. but i know you'll be there to help me get through it. see, the really wonderful thing about marriage is you have a friend who loves you and a partner who helps you through the rough times. [ stem snaps, siren wails ] uh-oh. trouble, mind.
picking that rose would be the same on earth as if you plucked one of brooke shields' eyebrows. back in the room again. looks that way. looks that way. well, back in the room again. sounds like a willie nelson song. wanna watch a little tv, min? "orson knows best" is on. you know, mork, until today to be a stranger on a strange planet. but as bizarre and as scary as ork has been to me at least i've been here with you. [ imitating humphrey bogart ] you got that, kid. it's just you and me, schweetheart. clones: guess again! [ laughing ] [ laughing ] they're back. no-no, mind. that was peevee clones 6 and 7. these are 1 and 2 -- the originals. you want to hear our latest orson joke?
e sides. here it goes -- orson is a big -- fatso. [ laughing ] [ laughing ] ar ar ar ar ar ar! mork! fatso! ar ar ar! you didn't laugh the first time. i know, min, but i just got it! oh, honey, your delivery is incredible. fatso! just the way you said fatso! [ together ] she's fu-u-u-nny! you think she's funny -- wait'll you read this! why don't you just check that one out for about a week and let me know when you figure it out. whoa! blew-ew-ew! rik-a-rik-a ruk-a ruk-a! whew. gone. they're gone. here we are in the room again. yeah.
ohh! ohh! ohh! [ southern accent ] i feel so nauseous. my stomach feels like cat drool on a dog lip. this seltzer shall be the eraser on the blackboard of life. it shall help me. why am i talking like a character in a tennessee williams play? i don't know. what does it matter? [ as surfer ] wow, what a head rush, for sure! [ normal voice ] so more tiny bubbles than a don ho medley. good morning. my little hugger squash. happy one-month anniversary to you.
one-month anniversary? styrofoam. i bought you a boogie-board. that's romantic. i have a surprise for you. the hammond family is doing a tv special in boulder, and i get to cover the dress rehearsal. i thought you might want to come. the hammond family? the all-american hammonds? i especially love donna and mario. they're my favorite! that's wonderful! i -- pass. pass?! mork, it's our anniversary. i know, but i've got millions of things to do. ence card to morris the cat's mother. at least come down and have lunch with me. i said i was busy! whoo-whoo! aren't we snippy today? i'm sorry. you know how i get before the opening of trout season. we'll have a lovely dinner tonight. okay. i accept your apology. i gotta run. i'll see you after work. bye. big kiss. bye, little pooter. [ sighs ] [ squeals like cat ]
my stomach feels like it has a greek orthodox wedding going on in it. [ exidor imitating siren ] doctor, is that you?! patient! is that you? mork, i'm glad you called. i don't ordinarily make house calls. i had to make an exception in this case. i don't have an office. exidor, i don't feel very well -- go no further. open your mouth wide. nurse ryan, will you come in please? well, what are you gawking at?!
hmm -- 315. that's a tad high, mork. it would be perfect if i were a rump roast. exidor, do something, just as long as i don't have to have anything shaved. relax. you better turn your head. this might hurt a little. ow! damn, i'm good! exidor, i feel strange, yet wonderful. i feel kind of achy, and i have cravings for teflon bananas. what is it? either you're turning into billy martin or you're pregnant. th-that's it! i'm preggers. i've got a bun in the oven. nonsense! and that's me saying it! no, no, no! you don't understand. you really don't understand. i think i could be pregnant.
it's possible. if it is, it's a miracle. every patient thinks that their case is special! all right, i'm into my consultation mode. we'll talk it over. just sit here. i feel so weak in the knees. mork... i'm pregnant. i'm really pregnant. i can't wait to tell mindy and omni magazine. sician and doubles partner, i suggest that you break it to your wife gently... and work on that serve. oh! nngh! i just felt a sharp pain, exidor. nngh! another one, too. what does it mean? it means you're in labor, and i'm playing singles. ohh!
ohh! ohh! ooh! yohhhh! ohh! ohh! my little bundle of joy! oh! oh, look! my little bundle of -- oh, say hello to the world! i don't know if it's a boy or a girl. we won't know till it hatches. oh, that's wonderful! and look, i have a navel! and no stretch marks either. oh. hello, little nooner. i'm a mother. i'm gonna give you everything except for an oedipus complex. and i can read harlequin books now and stay up all night for no reason. neener neener neener. smile! say cheese whiz! there you go!
mindy's gonna love you... if i get enough nerve to tell her you were born. mindy: i'm home. naptime. here we go. hi. i've got this great idea how to make our one-month anniversary even better than our three-week anniversary. you can't really top andy warhol's 3-d "hamlet." [ with lisp ] "oh, what a rogue and peasant slave am i." interesting. we're gonna get all dressed up, and we're gonna go out and do something we've never done before. [ normal voice ] you put on your prom dress, and i'll put on my mr. peanut outfit. then we can have a candid, sober discussion about family. i want to go out and do something romantic. i know -- let's go out and make angels in the snow like they did in "love story." the really sad thing about that movie was that she became an angel before she ever had a family. you know what's making a big, romantic comeback? the family unit.
hammond family -- all nine of them. let's just go out, you and me. i mean, we're young, we're in love, we're newlyweds. maybe we should have a little t?te-?-t?te, and then sit down and talk. what's wrong with going out and just having some good, old-fashioned fun? we could talk in latin if you want. [ speaks latin ] min, how can we lead such frivolous lives when you consider what's going on trouble in el salvador, cruise missiles... ...bad line calls against john mcenroe, and the family. why do you keep bringing up family? i'd like to have one, min. right now. oh. look, mork, i want to have a family someday just as badly as you do. but a family's something you plan for. we're just starting out. we're not ready, emotionally or financially.
and yours -- well, this is america. if we had a baby right now, it wouldn't be fair to the child. maybe down the road a bit. let's just go out and have a good time. you don't understand. time is of the essence. pakistan has the bomb, and all they have to do is roll it down the hill. mork, we just got married. it's the time for the two of us. so let's just work on that awhile, all right? i'm gonna go get changed, and then maybe go for a sleigh ride. and then maybe come home and thaw each other out. there's got to be some way we can get you and mindy together. too bad it's not easter, huh? mindy: mork, do you know what time it is? min, i swear i heard somebody. i didn't hear anything. [ knocks ] there it is again. who could it be?
the late scores. there's nobody there. good night. it might be claude rains, min. good night. hey, you, come back here! [ imitating woman ] no, mister, take good care of it! [ normal voice ] look -- somebody left a baby on our doorstep. did somebody leave a -- a baby? it's just an egg. shouldn't we not be prejudiced? look -- there's a note down here, too. "i've left my child because i know you'll take good care of it." "you're good, kind, understanding people -- especially you, mindy." let's see. it's about 2:30 a.m. yeah, i think that's a good time for an explanation. all right, mind. um, this is merely conjecture,
of boston by her w.a.s.p. parents. [ snobbishly ] muffy, tad and i believe that you have to leave, but we've packed you a few shirts and your penny loafers. [ normal voice ] she wanders around, selling her own hair and a few springsteen tickets to raise enough money to buy milk for her child. the truth. you want the truth? i'll give you the truth -- v?rit?. in your hand, you are holding our child. okay. that's enough for tonight. this thing's going back in the refrigerator. min, min, min, min! the world is cold enough as it is. daddy didn't mean that. this would be one of your better jokes, except men don't have babies, and they can't lay eggs. min, min, min, you know that i am a test tube child without a navel. let me show you here. what's that? see, mind?
what?! wait a minute! well, you me-- no -- you mean -- you mean you and i -- when -- and i -- and then you -- and here it is?! you should work for reader's digest, min. no! no, no, no, no, no. no. no. oh, no. i have to sit down. oh, no. all right. assuming that i am not dreaming and that is our child, what is that gonna be?! i don't know, min. but he's gonna have his own affirmative action program. i don't think there is anything that has happened to me in my life
that is our child. not even "the twilight zone"s i've watched. min, you told me it wasn't the right time, so i tried to find other parents for it. and then i realized, the best parents in the whole world would be you and i. min, we love this. can we keep him, hmm? can we, min, hmm? can we, hmm? well, of course we'll keep it, mork. i'd love anything you and i made together. min, you weren't too crazy about that bookcase. that was different. min, at last we have someone we can cherish and have someone to contest our will and someone we can put medication out of reach of. min, is something wrong? why would you say that? i've never seen anyone grit their back before. yo! there we go. no, everything's great.
saying she doesn't spend a lot of money on new dishes. i don't know, mork. it's just that i had this insane idea that when you and i decided to plan a family, i would be the one who had the baby. i don't know... maybe i -- i looked forward to knowing there was a baby inside and craving strange foods and getting fat and not being able to see my feet. just because you're not the mother doesn't mean it doesn't need your love. i know, mork. oh, min. come on. you're going to be the prettiest, softest father a kid ever had. thanks. i-i-i just need some time to get used to this. it's just...pretty strange. min... i think you better hurry, min...
elephants get two years! i get 24 hours?! it takes longer than that to get peking duck. [ thud ] boy, he can sure kick, mind. are you related to bruce lee? i guess there's not much for me to do with this birth. come on, min. you've got to be a parent, too. now, come over here and touch it. just pat it. put your arms around it. have you hugged your egg today? oh, mork, i feel silly. come on, come on, come on. it's nice and warm. it should be. i sat on it all night. i can hear a heartbeat. why don't you talk to it? you talk to your plants, including that little wandering jew. [ yiddish accent ] where are we today? i don't know. [ normal voice ] come on.
mother -- uh, your father -- one of your parents. i feel like shari lewis without lambchop. isn't it wonderful? we're parents now. we get to say things like, "don't put that in your mouth! you don't know where it's been!" that's true. have you thought of a name yet? well, yeah. i'd kind of like to name it beth, after my mother... if it's a girl... and it doesn't have wings. certain sentimental attachment to a name if it's a boy. what's that? rodan. no, i don't think so. a little too ethnic? how about jennifer or maybe mustaffah joaquim? how are we going to explain to people that you laid an egg? and that we hatched a baby? and only after one month of marriage?
federales! federales! shh! who is it? bickley: a sad and desperate man. oh, no, it's mr. bickley! uh, we'll be right there. we're not decent. i don't want to see you, i want to talk to you. what do we do? the bedroom! we have company, min. i meant the egg! i was just trying to give a little comic relief to these moments of tension. easy, easy. gently, gently. uh, we'll be right there. be careful! ohh! uh-oh! oh, no! why do i feel like we're at a company picnic on saturn? [ crackling ] i think it's starting to crack! i'll stay here with the egg. i think it's almost time, though. i hope this rolling hasn't turned him into a quiche.
hi, mr. bickley. oh... what a nice suit. thanks. i'm about to be buried in it. oh, mr. bickley, you dropped in at a bad time. i was in the middle of -- please, mindy, i don't want to talk about it. oh. then i respect your feelings. bye. i met darinda at a club med luau. the second i laid eyes on her, i knew i had to make her mine. sure, she was a lot younger than me, but she loved older men. oh, that's too bad, mr. bickley. where's mork?! oh, uh, mork's in the bedroom having breakfast. [ egg crackling ] rice krispies. hi, bick.
it all started when i met darinda at a club med luau. she told me she loved me. [ crackling ] what -- what is that noise? oh, i'm just listening to my "exorcist" soundtrack. little linda's head is just starting to spin around. min, can you give me a little moral support, maybe a ball-peen hammer? what's going on that's more important than me? no! you don't want to go in there! oh, you're right. everything does. i'll never be able to look at my family album or eat suckling pig again. mr. bickley, you've got to know that those gray skies are gonna clear up, so put on a happy face. and remember, there's always more fish in the sea. mindy, i don't want to upset you,
boy, is mork going to be upset. his pet condor got away. why do i come here? it's going to happen. you don't want to miss this like you did beverly sills at marineland. this is it, mind. isn't it much nicer having the baby at home rather than in a hospital? it's important that we don't panic. and if we panic, it's important we're not loud. [ crackling ] i hope it's healthy. i hope it doesn't eat the bedroom set. [ gasps ] i love you, min. i love you, too, mork.
morning, sweetheart. hi. still in love with that coat? what coat? it's been open to that same page for the last three days. oh, that's the center page. it opens there naturally. mm-hmm. how long for the pancakes? oh, just a few minutes. well... i'll finish getting dressed. ooh. [ sighs ] oh. [ ding! ] [ gasps ] mother? [ chuckles ] mother, i can't wear this coat. yes, you're right, samantha.