tv North Carolina News at 600PM CBS November 10, 2016 6:00pm-6:30pm EST
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, everybody hide. everybody hide. shh! shh! grady: ow! lamont: grady, would you shut up and get behind the sofa? esther: who did that? grady: oh, i'm sorry, esther. i thought you was the sofa. hey! will you sit down? just be quiet. shh! surprise! surprise! [grady laughing] hey! welcome home, pop! oh, fred! hello, donna. oh, fred. please, esther. my two favorite ladies out of a fairy tale: esther: well! beauty and the beast. why you want to insult me, fred sanford?
have called you a pickle-headed, evil-doing heathen, but i didn't. that's right, fred, she didn't. and i could have called you a frog-eyed, fish-eating fool, but i didn't! and i could have called you a monkey-faced, fat-bottom gorilla, but i didn't. so now i will, you fat-bottom gorilla-faced ape. now, wait a minute now! this is a-- aunt esther, this is a welcome home party. everybody's here to have a good time. well, let's have a good time. what it is, pops. ask your mama what it is. i'll bet she don't even know. come on, pops. cheers. cheers? that what you want? yippee yippee yay yay! look who got out of jail today! come on, pops. you want some more? do you? all right. bim bam boom!
hey, man, come on. come on. let bygones be bygones, man. no, let's let good-byes be good-byes. bye! bubba: hey, fred! nice seeing you, man. yeah, it's good to see you, bubba. and good your old lady let you out of the house tonight. oh, man, she didn't let me out of the house, i ducked out of the house on my own. i ducked the frying pan, i ducked 3 plates, i even ducked the cat! hey, pop, tell us about st. louis. yeah! [all clamoring] all right, wait a minute. st. louis was just great. hey, rollo, give me that small brown bag over there. i bought presents for everybody. [all talking at once] you got a present for me, too, fred? yeah, yeah, grady. i got yours first 'cause you've been taking such good care of my son. oh, you didn't have to do that. i wasn't expecting anything.
on pads. well, i really-- i'm going to put those on now. i need them. uh, grady, grady, don't take your shoes off in the house. please don't take your shoes off! and, donna, honey, here's something for you. oh. see there? if you get a watch, you can put it in there. bubba: oh, now, that's cruel. low-down. fred: wait a minute. i was just kidding. i was just kidding, honey. here's the watch. oh! oh! it's beautiful! look, esther! yes. look. it's exactly 249. are you kidding? it must be 6:00. i wasn't looking at the time, fred. i was looking at the price tag. well, get your face away from it before it stops.
that's just a clear piece of plastic. no, it ain't. put it up to your face. that's your halloween mask! lamont: hey, pop, would you leave aunt esther alone? it would be a pleasure. aunt esther, would you like a drink? oh, she wouldn't want a drink. why wouldn't i want a drink? because you are a drink--a zombie. come on now. , i almost forgot, i got you a present, too. me? got you a quadraphonic stereo. all right! yeah. here. you want to trade? hey, man, you need an airplane for these to work. no, you don't. plug on in there. listen. ? i knew i'd be sure that this love beyond... ?
that's him--cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap! listen to that-- the voice of a chicken coming out of a buzzard. wait a minute! wait a minute! i hope you're proud of yourself, pop. all your friends come over here to give you a welcome home party, and you have to start a fight. it wasn't none of my fault. esther started all that rigmarole. yeah, pop, but you called her a zombie. i should have called her a gorilla. that's what she is-- a gorilla. she looks like mighty joe young's sister, mighty ugly. are you going to help me clean up this mess, or are you just going to sit there? ok, ok. i'll help you, but first i got to get into something comfortable-- my bed. good night. hey, come on, pop. help me clean up, man.
help. fred: well, you said he took care of you all the time i was gone. yeah, well, grady's a nice guy and a good friend and all that, but he's no help, man. ok, i'll change and come back down. thank you very much. hey, grady, w-where you going? i'm leaving. leaving? leaving, leaving, leaving. leaving. l-e-e-v-i-n. leavin'. hey, grady, it's the middle of the night. what's the matter with you? nothing's the matter with me, especially my ears. [crying] i heard what you told your father. oh, that! well, look, grady-- no, i don't want to hear no excuses. i heard what you said! look, grady. come on in the kitchen for a minute. no, i don't want to go in the kitchen! i'm leaving! no, come on, grady. just come in the kitchen.
ar it? come on, now. now, just sit down over here, ok? now, you see, pop's upstairs changing. i don't want him to hear this. you know why i told pop that you're no help to me, grady? grady: yeah, because you don't think i'm any help to you. lamont: no, man, that's what i wanted him to think. well, why you want him to think that? so he would feel better. how's that going to make him feel better, knowing that his best friend couldn't take care of his only son while he was away? that can run this place and take care of me. so? so i couldn't tell him the truth, grady, that you could run the place and take care of me just as good as he can. oh, you--you really mean that? of course i mean that, man. oh! now i understand. i understand why you said i was no help to you. you wanted to make him feel important and better than me. right, grady. oh, yeah, yeah.
you know, i mean, i understand those kind of things. you wanted to try to make him feel important and better than me. that's right, grady. oh, i see. yeah, yeah. well, you could have just told me that. you didn't have to, you know, just say it behind my back. well, i'm glad you understand, grady. well, ok, i'm going to go clean up now, then, ok? hey, thanks a lot, man. all right. yeah. wow. uh, lamont? huh? you weren't lying to me, were you? , look, man, i don't lie. well...maybe just a little bit. that old, crummy grady. talking about he can run the business better than me. well, he can have it. he can change "sanford and son"
hey, fred, why the long face, man? i just got the short end. fred, you're crying. hey, man, what happened? well... my best friend ran off with my son. what are you talking about, man? that lying grady wilson. grady? yeah. well, what did he do? he convinced lamont that he was a better businessman than me and he could cook better than me and he was better in the yard than me. ok, now get to the lying part. that was the lying part! that dummy lamont. well, fred, then you've got to go back there and assert yourself. you're right. i mean, a man's home is his castle! his castle! right, and you've got to show them that you are the king! i'm the king of my castle!
n work twice as hard as both them put together! and twice as long, too! the king has abdicated. long live the dummy. uh, fred, you're not giving in, now? hell no, i ain't giving in! they think they don't need me. well, they'll find out they need me and i don't need them. what are you talking about? they'll see! lamont will see and grady will see. everybody will see! [gasps] i can't see! i don't understand it. i just don't understand it. lamont, why would he leave like that? i don't understand it, either, donna, but i appreciate you and aunt esther coming over here like this. well, misery loves company.
somebody's--oh. who is it? oh, that's you, lamont. that's your reflection in the window. [clatter outside] no, oh, no, no. oh... donna: oh, fred! help! call the zoo! i think i've captured a gorilla-faced uglymopatamus! watch it, sucker. now, now, hold on, hold on. i'll go put on a pot of coffee. hey, pop, do you know what time it is? man, where have you been? here, there, to and fro, and hither and yond. and you've been drinking, too. right. where? hither and fro and to.
just look at you! pants all baggy, face all dirty. you're just a messy fool. and you're just a cessypool. why, you! esther. leave the poor man alone. take your hand off me, woman! fred, dear, come and sit down. let me help you. do not, don't. please don't, donna. i don't need nobody's help. i don't need nobody at all. pop, pop, pop. how much did you drink, anyway? ? how deep is the ocean? ? ? how high is the sky? ? hey, what's the matter with you, pop? oh, there's nothing wrong with me giving myself a little "going out of town" party. going out of town party? fred, fred, you just got back. where you going? st. louis.
? m-i-s ? ? i-s-s ? ? m-o-u-s-e ? ? mmmississippi ? ? mississippi ? that's where i'm needed. you're needed here, pop. no, you don't need me here. you got greedy. grady. yeah. you got greedy grady. greedy grady want my house and my son. well, you got it, greedy grady! good-bye, ex-son. and donna-- fred. now, fred-- you ain't never did nothing to me. i love you. kiss me, honey. lamont, will you do something about this? oh, donna, you're going to have to shave!
you're not in st. louis, pop, you're at home. huh? oh. oh! hangover? oh! bad? oh! can i get you something for it? please. what? a bullet... and put it right here. [groaning] i'll fix something for you, pop. no, no, i'll fix my own stuff. [groans] hey, that's not funny, lamont. you backed that truck over my head. come on. let me help you. ok, just to the kitchen. all right. are we there yet? no, not yet. almost? almost, pop. oh, lamont, lamont. what's the matter, pop? i just hate to be a burden to you. hey, would you stop talking like that? yeah. "i don't need you, pop."
i heard you with my own lips. ears. yeah, yeah. ears. hear with ears, talk with lips. i'm losing my mind. you're not losing your mind, pop. you just got a hangover. now, come on. yeah, and i want you to help me get rid of it. all right. here. i'm gonna tell you what i want you to do. listen. give me some tomato juice and a raw egg. right, pop. [groans] tomato juice and a raw egg. yeah. uttering indistinctly] ...sauce and some tabasco. ohhh, son. hey, where's my prune juice? your prune juice? yeah, get me some prune juice. oh, and salt and pepper. [groaning]
and the prune juice... and tomato juice. ohhh. and, son, help me. help me over there so i can get to the vodka. the vodka? yeah. i just need a smidgen of vodka. know what i mean? just enough to wake up the flavor. a bloody mess. now, would you mind telling me what you heard that made you so upset? "i didn't need pop." "i didn't miss pop." i heard you, now. don't deny it. i won't, pop. look. grady overheard us talking, and he heard me telling you that i don't need him around here. he heard me say that and , to keep from hurting his feelings,
around here as you are, and that's the truth, pop. well, how do i know you're not lying to me about lying to him about lying to me? say that again? i can't. look, pop, i need you here. now, please, just believe me. why should i? because i'm your son. i am your son, aren't i? of course, you're my son. why else would you be around here 32 years free? and if that was wrong, then it's not my fault, it's your fault because you always told me that i should be concerned about other people's feelings, and you gave me warmth and sensitivity. well, if i gave you all that stuff, i ain't got nothing left for myself. so you believe me, pop? i believe you. hey, thanks a lot. and i'm sorry that i ruined the party last night, son. hey, that's ok, pop, but in the future, when aunt esther and your friends come over here,
and a little kinder? i sure will. what does that stuff taste like? what's it taste like? did you ever taste castor oil? ooh. and clapper and spoiled pig snoots? well, mix that all together and spray it with raid, and throw in some of grady's socks and aunt esther's face. that's what it tastes like. but, son, my headache's gone...
would you stop shouting? i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry. you know what, son? i'm gonna show you that i can cook better than grady. hey, man, you ain't got to prove nothing to me. you're my pop. i know that, but i learned something today. to give is to take. i'm gonna be a giver, not a taker. now, that's the way i like to hear my old man talk. and you know what? i'm starting tonight. i'm gonna cook you a great big turkey with 2 kinds of sausage and 3 kinds of vegetables. hey, man, a meal like that would cost a fortune. no, that would make you the giver and me the taker. see, i'm gonna be the giver and you the taker. yeah, but it's too late to start cooking a meal like that, pop. hey, i know. i'll call up jacob's soul food and tell them i'm going to bring you over there for dinner around 8:00.