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tv   CBS Evening News With Scott Pelley  CBS  November 24, 2016 6:30pm-7:01pm EST

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glenn miller played ? ? songs that made the hit parade ? ? guys like us we had it made ? ? those were the days ? ? and you knew where you were then ? ? girls were girls and men were men ? ? mister, we could use a man like herbert hoover again ? ? didn't need no welfare state ? ? everybody pulled his weight ? ? gee, our old lasalle ran great ?
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[groggily] ma. gloria! what are you doing down here? you ought to be in bed. i feel too bad to lie down. did you call dr. nelson? yeah, but he can't come. he says he don't feel well enough to make house calls. oh, no, you mean dr. nelson's sick too? yeah, and he thinks it sounds like both of you got the same thing. well, what did you tell him? oh, ma. i feel awful. aww. dinner will be ready soon. some nice stew will make you feel better. not so loud. my stomach might hear you. i can't face any food. oh, maybe you're right. they say, "starve a cold and feed a fever." well, what am i supposed to do? i got a cold and a fever.
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little for your cold in the morning. no. no food, ma. edith! there's your father. coming, archie! hello, archie. ah-choo! oh, gesundheit. ah-choo! oh, gesundheit! ah-choo! gesundheit! hello, archie. wait a minute. wait a minute. you see what you've done? you went back, you pick up three loads of germs, then you come and dump them on me! stay away from me. daddy, you never have any sympathy for anybody but yourself. can't you see i got the flu? well, whose fault is that? i think it's mr. nixon's fault. "i think it's mr. nixon's fault." why? well, making us put our thermostat down so low. it gets awful chilly upstairs at night.
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let's get a little dinner on the table here, huh, edith. dinner's all ready, archie. i'm just waiting for mike to come home. oh, jeez, what happened? his chow radar ain't working today? michael had a very important lecture he had to attend. oh, well, listen, that's tough luck on him. we ain't waiting. come on, edith. get it on, huh? all right. we always wait for you. that, little girl, is because i happen to be the breadwinner in this house. your husband is the crumb. here you are, archie. i'm keeping mike's warm for him. oh, look at this. hey, this looks pretty good here, edith. yeah, it's beef-and-mushroom stew. oh, beef-and-mushroom stew. hey, jeez, that's something good here, edith. you really overdone yourself tonight here. aww. mmm. delicious. ain't you gonna eat nothing here?
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league meeting at the church. i ain't hungry yet. all right. ain't you got nothing to do, edith? oh, that's all right, archie. i don't mind keeping you company. edith, it makes me nervous to have you sitting here listening to me chew. oh, no, archie, you ain't hardly making any noise at all. [groans] hi. edith: oh, mike! i'll get your dinner right away. , thanks, ma. i'm hungry. the day you ain't hungry, i'm gonna phone in the news to bigmouth cronkite. that's funny, arch. funny. honey, what's the matter? oh, michael, i-- ah-choo! you got a cold! you got a cold! get away! get away! get away! what kind of a greeting is that? "get away! get away! get away!" can't you see i feel terrible? honey, this morning-- can't you see that i'm sick, that i have the flu? daddy, do you hear the way he's talking to me?
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over all the food here. i don't believe this. my own father pushes me away from the table. and my own husband, who i just stood up for before he came home, is attacking me because i have a cold. you know something, michael, i may be sick, but you're sick. gloria, i'm sorry. honey-- i'll come up and sit with you. all right? dinner, mike. oh, thanks, ma. did you say dinner was ready? edith: yeah. i'll be up in a minute, honey. yeah, he'll be up, honey, as soon as he fills his face here. hey. looks good, ma. what is it? beef-and-mushroom stew. mushrooms? edith: yeah. ma, i don't think we ought to be eating mushrooms. oh, jeez, listen to the ecrology nut over here. mushrooms ain't no endangered species. nobody's going out shooting mushrooms. didn't you see the article in today's paper? they recalled a whole batch of mushrooms because of food poisoning. [scoffs]
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don't be stupid. if you'd poisoned me, i'd be heaving up all over the table. archie. ma, when did you buy these mushrooms? day before yesterday. that was before the recall. the cans you bought might be some of the bad ones. arch, i don't think you should be eating any more of that until we find out what kind of mushrooms these are. listen, wise guy, if you think you're gonna ruin my dinner with all this bad news, you're wrong, because i'm already finished. arch, i'm just telling you-- [belches] would you bring me my coffee over to the coffee table? all right. arch, i think we ought to check out those mushrooms. and i think that you ought to check out of this here country. what? you're always burnin' down everything that america stands for. america stands for mushrooms? get out of here. you and your heroes like that ralph nader,
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e grateful for ralph nader. do you realize that before 1968 there were hardly any cars recalled for being defective, but in 1972 there were nearly 8 million cars recalled. and do you realize that in 1974... who cares? nader cares, arch. and you should too. you drive a cab part-time. ralph nader may save your life someday. how? by making people scared to ride with me? the only person that's deflective is nader. nader ain't doing the country no good. oh, oh, oh. i get it. what's good for general motors is good for the country. you're damn right. both: and ralph nader ain't no good for general motors! no! here you are, archie. are you feeling anything yet? what? i mean, are the mushrooms getting to you? what, are you helping? no! i'm feeling fine.
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oh, that's good. not necessarily, ma. if he's got botulism, the symptoms might not show for hours. if i got what? botulism. get out of here. nobody ever went crazy eating mushrooms. arch, "botulism" means "food poisoning," and i think we ought to check those mushrooms. oh, i think so too. what do you know about it? he's nuts. i'll give you a for instance. how many different brands of mushrooms are sold all over this here country? all right. and how many cans do you think are bought? millions. so what do you think the chances are of me getting the one bad can out of all them millions of cans? what is it, 100 to 1? what is that, the new math? i'm glad you're all right, archie. one of the troubles with this country is that some little thing goes wrong, everybody panics.
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oh, that's all right, michael. i understand. out of sight, out of mind. oh. honey, don't be that way. ma, did you put any mushrooms in your stew today? yeah. why? oh, no. did everybody eat it? no, just archie. why are you asking? well, because i was listening to the radio, and the news was just on, and they said that three people in queens are in the hospital with botulism from eating canned mushrooms. huh? you hear that? archie! they said it was pocono mushrooms. pocono. well, all right, don't start a panic now, will you? edith, what brand of mushrooms did you buy? i can't remember. come on, come on, come on. think, will you? was they the poconos? arch, take it easy. don't panic. will you stay out of this? now, take it easy. don't panic. just think. think. yeah, i'm thinking. all i can remember is there was something funny about the name. pocono's a funny name. what's funny about it?
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in: three for 59 cents. so i got three cans. are you telling me that you put three cans of poison in my stew? why don't we check the cans and see what brand they were? why don't you stay out of this? edith, we got to check the cans and see what brand they were. what did you do with the cans? i put them in the garbage pail. you put them in the garbage pail? look in that garbage pail in there. get out of the way here. let me look-- get out of the way! there ain't no garbage in the garbage pail! trash can outside. you're in the way, edith. you're in the way. you're in the way. mike: there's nothing here! edith, there ain't no garbage in the trash can. what are you doing? i'm trying to tell you, archie, the garbage men came this morning. well, why don't we call ferguson's? they may not even carry pocono mushrooms. we got to call ferguson's. will you let me get in the door!
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the way again! gloria: i know the number. come on. what's the number? it's five-- five. five. five. [sneezes] come on! come on! three. three. one. one. five. five. two. two. huh? what's the rest of it? you only gave me six numbers! i gave you seven numbers. you gave me six. one of those numbers was a sneeze! will you get on with it? what do you want me to do? do you see a sneeze on this dial? start over, huh? mike: start over. start over. five, five, five. mike: five, five, five. three. one. one. five. oh, jeez, here she goes again! what's the number? i forget! aahhhh! look it up in the phone book. don't hang up the phone. keep the line hot there. give me the book. i'll look it up myself. i ain't got my glasses on. i can't see. where's my glasses? ferguson. ferguson. ferguson. ferguson. ferguson. f! f! i got it! here it is! here it is! here it is! both: 555-3152. yeah. well, will you dial the number? five, five, five...
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mike: all right, shush. it's ringing! it's ringing! hey! uh, hello. ferguson's? uh-- uh-- do you carry pocono mushrooms? you don't? oh, jeez, i'm okay. not since they were recalled this morning. i'm in trouble, edith! mike, ask them, did the can have a pink label? yeah, did the pocono mushroom can have a pink label? with a little yellow on it. yellow on it. a pink-and-yellow label. thanks. oh, jeez, edith, i can almost feel the pain already. what the hell kind of a pain do you think? a poison pain! oh, sit down, archie. no! don't sit down! the worst thing you can do. keep moving. keep moving. let me keep moving here. why don't you lie down? let me lay down, edith. wait, wait! do you want an enema?
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put your jacket on. i ain't cold. come on! we're going to the emergency hospital. emergency hospital? let's go! hurry up! emergency hospital? come on! hey, edith. i could be dying, edith. i want to go! you can't go to the hospital! you're sick!
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john, we're giving you a raise. at's fantastic! but i'm gonna pass. are you ok? honey, you got another present. no thank you, dad. who says no to more? time warner cable internet gives you more of what you and those little data hoggers want. like ultra-fast speeds up to 300 megs. that's 50x faster than dsl. this internet speed is sick. get 50 meg internet starting at $39.99 a month. call now.
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i hope you ain't inhu we are. well, you've come to the wrong place. they won't even look at you unless you drop dead. are all these people ahead of us? they're ahead of you. nobody's ahead of me! don't talk to him. he probably got shot in a holdup. next. duffy. joe duffy! i don't believe it. hey, hey, doc-- hey, doc, i got a poison pain knifing right through me here. what's the matter with this man?
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, thanks, doc. hey, doc, doc, doc, what about my arm? hang on to it. right, where's the pain? well, it's all over, doc, but i think it starts around here-- these mushrooms you ate, they weren't poconos, by any chance, were they? i got a bulletin on them today. yeah, that was the kind i had, poconos. all right, don't panic. do you have blurred vision? i don't know. i ain't got my glasses. let me try and read something here. yeah, it's blurred. any lassitude? ew, only the mushrooms. i mean, do you feel fatigued, tired? oh, jeez, i could use sleep, doc. well, we better not take any chances. well, i hate to hustle you or anything-- listen, i want to be very careful with this antitoxin. the what? the antidote for botulism. some people are very allergic to it. is that right? what's it do to someone? well, reactions vary. in some cases it could cause arthritis. oh...
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very quickly. oh, well, jeez, let's think about this, 'cause, see, i know a guy that can bowl with arthritis. but with botulism, all you can be is dead, huh? okay, let's go for the arthritis. all right, just relax and breathe steadily. yeah, okay, doc, anything you say. [breathing deeply] am i doing okay, doc? yeah, just fine. good. hey, let me ask you something. this anecdote you give, uh... how are you supposed to take that? intravenously. oh, that's good, because i can take anything off a spoon. i can't stand shots. i was worried, coming here on a bus, whether we'd be here in time, you know,
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hey! hey-eh-hey-hey! hey-eh-eh-eh! hey! hey! hey. hey! hey. hey!! hey! hey! hey! hey! hey! hey! hey! hey! hey! hey... can't you walk behind me without bumping into my sore arm? i never touched it, arch. daddy, daddy, are you all right? i've been worried sick about you. why didn't you call me from the hospital, u were? jeez, it was terrible down at that hospital, little girl. but it's okay. you're gonna still have your daddy with you. listen, help me over to the sofa there, huh? okay. arggh! will you get away from me? just my daughter, huh? here, take me. come on, daddy, come on. come on. here. all right. help me into the sofa. arggh! get away from me! daddy... oh. put the pillow back there, huh? there you go. ahh. thank you, my darling.
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n's to get some ice cream. ice cream. archie: yeah. to cool down my burning guts. you know, i think he's delirious. he blew $4.90 on a taxi. eh, $5 with the tip. wait a minute. you took a cab? oh, that's all right. i'm gonna charge them mushroom people with every dime of it. of course, i'm gonna sue them for every dime they've got. here, you go get me the number of that law firm that i had the time i had the whiplash there. oh, what was their name? oh, jeez, i forget. now, let me think. there was three jewish guys, all with the same name in the same family-- jewish name. well, what do you want me to do? look them up in the yellow pages under "jewish lawyers"? no, that would take too long. go get the shoebox where your mother keeps all that useless paper. there's a letter in there from that firm to me. i don't know, arch. i don't think you got much of a case. ah, what are you talking about? look at my hurt arm there.
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from the lastitude they put in them mushrooms. arch, you still can't prove that you ate pocono mushrooms. ah-hah, buddy boy, nobody can prove that i didn't. in this country, the good old usa, a man still stands poisoned till he's proved healthy. come on, get out of my chair. you're not sitting in it. your butt always changes the shape of it. get out of there! arggh! you walked into me. oh. arch, you still need evidence. what are you talking about? look at all they put me through, huh. look at the way i hurt all over. what about the sworn testiphony of your mother-in-law there? that's evidence, buddy. we got a case. and let me tell you something. a case like that could be worth 20, 25, 50 grand. i'm gonna make them mushroom people put their mouth where their money is. what do you mean by that? i mean that the bosses of that company ought to taste every mouthful of food
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how are they gonna do that? what do you mean, how? ain't you never heard of the olden days, in the days of kings? the king used to have a special cook to taste the food. if the cook dropped down dead, the king says, "hey..." then the king went back to the kitchen and made a sandwich for himself. daddy, i think i found it. is this them? rabinowitz, rabinowitz & rabinowitz? that's them, the three wise men. now, meathead, you're gonna see some swift legal action. for me there. at this time of night? go on. they've got an answering service. get them on the phone there. you wait and see now. [sneezes] ah, don't be spraying into the phone. what do you want to do? give the three jews the flu? give it to me, here. archie, i got the most wonderful news. save it, save it, i'm dialing a number here. at ferguson's just now, i saw some of the same mushrooms you had for dinner,
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you hear that? your mother-in-law just brought home the poisoned evidence. wait. i thought they were all recalled. only the poconos, mike. that's the good news. the mushrooms you ate, archie, were top caps, see? hold on. is this the service--? hold on just a second. what? they got the same pink label as the poconos, but the yellow is just a special sticker that says "3 for 59." ain't it wonderful, archie? you weren't poisoned at all. tell rabinowitz forget it. we ain't got no case! that's wonderful, edith. do you know what you done to us? you just cost us $50,000. i'm sorry, archie. and where does that leave me? walking around here with a lot of that antitoxin cruising through my system, looking for some disease to attack.
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arggh! mm-mm-mm. ma, this mushroom omelet is great. daddy, you ought to try yours. i mean, why waste the shot you had? it's good to see you eating again, gloria. i'm glad you shook off that terrible cold. ah, clamp up, will you? clamp up. then she shook it onto me.
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["remembering you" playing]
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? boy, the way glenn miller played ? ? songs that made the hit parade ? ? guys like us we had it made ? [ together ] ? those were the days ? ? and you knew where you were then ? [ archie ] ? girls were girls and men were men ? [ archie, edith ] ? mister, we could use a man ? ? like herbert hoover again ? [ archie ] ? didn't need no welfare state ? [ edith ] ? everybody pulled his weight ? [ archie, edith ] ? gee, our old lasalle ran great ?

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